Work Text:
“You know, as much as I can understand why you find church to be peaceful, don’t you think it’s kind of an odd place for an intimate conversation with your new girlfriend?” Athena asked Bobby. “Like maybe this is a little too sacrelige.”
“Relax.” Bobby said. “I can assure you there’s no surprise meeting with the priest for premarital counseling. We just started dating, after all. There’s a purpose to this, though; I promise.”
“And you’re sure you’re OK?”
“Well…that’s what I wanted to talk to you about."
They stopped at the church doors, and Athena raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re sure I shouldn’t be worried?” she asked.
“I can also confirm that I’m not dying. But we really do need to talk. I want to get something off my chest if this relationship is going to work in the long run.”
She nodded in understanding and followed him inside. “We all have our baggage,” she said as they sat down in a pew. “Especially at this stage in our lives. What is it that you wanted to tell me?”
“A few months ago, after that airplane crash and the fire…I slipped up and had a drink. OK, drinks.” He paused. “I didn’t tell many people at work out of shame, out of fear of being fired or sent back to rehab. I came here, gave my AA chip to the priest and admitted I’d failed. In a way, I probably did for not reporting it up the chain of command. I wasn’t as honest as I could have been. It was just a couple of drinks, but I sound like an ass saying that because when you’re an alcoholic, there’s no such thing as just a couple of drinks. Or even one drink. One is a slippery slope. But I had more than that, so honestly, for a second after I woke up, I worried that I was dying. I was once again experiencing that feeling where I’d gone over the edge.”
“If you didn’t tell many people at the firehouse, who exactly does know? Besides me, anyway?” Athena asked, being straightforward with him.
“Hen and Buck. They were the ones who found me when I was passed out in bed. I told them what I did and admitted I needed them, and they stayed with me to make sure I was OK. I felt so stupid, though, you know? Hard not to wonder what they thought of seeing their leader passed out drunk.”
“If I know anything about them, they were concerned and compassionate.”
“That’s exactly it. They didn’t explicitly say they would keep my secret, but they never told anyone else at work or ratted me out either. Once I sobered up a little more—and was by myself again to think, of course—I felt guilty. What had I done? How could I have thrown it all away? How bad is it that I’m essentially back to starting from scratch?” He sighed.
“Was it just the stress of the day?” she asked. “That crash felt almost like the Miracle on the Hudson to me, although their plane didn’t catch fire.”
“Actually, I was having flashbacks,” he told her. “For sure. Running back into my apartment building and trying to get my wife and kids out.” He started to choke up. “When I saw that crash scene, I saw myself doing everything I could to save them. Being told not to go in and not listening because I believed I could handle it. It’s one of those things I’ll never forgive myself for.
“I love being with you. I really do. Being with you...it’s like getting another chance to be part of a family. After the fire, I knew I’d have to live forever with what I’d done, even if I was cleared of any wrongdoing. My wife and kids were never coming back, and that was my fault. Your kids and family can’t replace what I lost in Minnesota, and I don’t expect them to. And honestly, I know I should have told you about this sooner, because we had almost an instant connection and a desire to keep seeing each other almost immediately after our first date ended. I haven’t felt that in a long time.”
He turned away. “I feel guilty in a way, you know? As I tell you all this, I’m wondering if I’m forcing you into a mold. Like as if I need you to be the ideal partner or I want May and Harry to be like my own kids so I can pretend I never lost it all in the first place. Not to mention, you have the burden of dealing with a partner who’s an addict. I’m sure you never saw yourself signing up for that.”
“So you’re worried I can’t handle this.” Athena said.
“Well, does it bother you?”
“Not in the slightest. I agreed to a date with you knowing who you were and what brought you to LA in the first place. Remember what I just said about baggage. Or skeletons in our closet or whatever phrasing you like. Our issues aren’t the same, but I think it will help us understand each other better as we grow as a couple. Besides, being in a place like this reminds me that no one is perfect or always handles everything the right way.
“Look, I want you to stay around. My kids love you already, and Michael and I don’t have a lot of hard feelings towards each other. Our marriage ending was never a matter of if; it was when. He’s even said that I couldn’t have found a better man to be a potential stepfather to the kids.”
Bobby was flattered, and he smiled at Athena.
“That’s kind of a lot of pressure, don’t you think?!” he finally joked after a minute or two of silence.
“If anyone’s up to the challenge, it’s you!” She started to laugh, and he reached over and took her hand.
“In all seriousness,” she continued. “I can tell you really want to get past this and that you never want it to happen again. But if it does, this time, do you think you can come to me first? Trust and honesty are big parts of any relationship, after all. I want you to feel comfortable talking to me if you slip again or think you’re going to have a drink.”
“I promise.”
They held hands again and looked up at the altar, knowing that they didn’t have to even be thinking about marriage to form a new commitment.
For now, with all their secrets on the table, it worked for them to just sit peacefully and think about what it would be like to trust someone new with their life.