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Gojo Satoru was a masterpiece. Truly, his existence was the most convincing argument of a higher power because what else could explain his perfection? Out of all 8.1 billion people living on this planet, you were sure you were the luckiest.
The honor of befriending Gojo Satoru was hard won. A year below him in Jujustu High, you always admired him from afar. Satoru, Suguru, Shoko, they were the perfect trio, the best of all of them. It was Satoru, though, that caught your attention. Of course, Satoru’s position as The Strongest was the initial attraction. That, and those brilliant eyes of his.
It was pure luck that you were able to get close to Satoru in the first place. You couldn’t sleep and elected to sit on the common room couch with a mug of tea. Satoru stumbled in, collapsing onto the chair next to them. He looked, quite frankly, exhausted. You didn’t want to pry, but they also couldn’t exactly ignore the lanky limbs the mapped the length of the chair. This was unlike him. His usual vibrancy, borderline obnoxiousness, was nowhere to be seen in the Satoru sitting across from you.
“Satoru?” you asked quietly, wanting to avoid startling him. He lifted his head, his eyes slowly blinking open. The rest of his body remained motionless, almost sinking into the chair further if that were possible.
“Hmm?” He responded, fatigue evident in his voice. Your eyebrows furrowed.
“Have you eaten?” Satoru paused, then shook his head. You sighed, standing up. Satoru’s eyes followed their movements to the communal kitchen. Soon enough, the smell of ramen wafted out to his melting place. Satoru perked up, finally shifting the limbs that were far too heavy for anyone to hold upright. His stomach growled approvingly.
Minutes later, you came back out with a bowl and spoon for the hungry sorcerer. Satoru watched as it was set down in front of him.
“Thank you,” he said quietly, giving you a tired smile. He was unsure of what else to say. Hell, he couldn’t remember the last time someone made him food. You smiled back.
“Always,” you replied, sitting back down on the couch. A silence disturbed only by the sounds of eating and occasional sipping soon fell over the two of them.
Your mug emptied at some point, so you stood and put it in the sink to wash in the morning. You passed back through the common room, glancing back at Satoru.
“Satoru? Do you need anything?” you asked, wanting to help while also trying to respect the fact that you weren’t close with Satoru. To your surprise, Satoru nodded after an elongated pause.
“Could you just…stay with me? Just for a little while?” he asked, not quite meeting your gaze. Your eyes widened in shock. Your heartbeat jumped up, the idea of Satoru seeking comfort in you almost overwhelming. But, you nodded and moved to sit on the end of the couch near him.
“Of course,” you said. Surprising you once again, Satoru moved to sit next to you on the couch, his body heat radiating off of him.
Suguru and Shoko would find the two of you the next morning. Your positions hadn’t changed, but you were leaning on one another, your hands intertwined.
You and Satoru were almost inseparable after that, and the trio had gained a fourth member. Along with always spending their time as a quad, you had started getting stronger and were allowed to join them on missions, to Satoru’s delight.
The two of you spent time just the two of you as well. Oftentimes, it was quiet evenings after hard missions, where both of you required a comfort only the other could provide. No one could quite define your relationship, least of all you. All you knew was that nothing could replace what you two shared. And naturally as the pair got closer, your feelings for the strongest sorcerer grew from simple attraction to something much deeper.
You noticed everything about Satoru. Everything from how his eyes always portrayed his true feelings, to what his favorite candies were. Your knew him, probably better than anyone ever had, and Satoru knew it. He felt…something…for you, but he wasn’t sure what.
Then…Suguru happened. Well, his defection at least. Although you didn’t know him as well as Shoko or Satoru, you’d grown close with him and considered him a good friend. His defection shook all of you, most of all Satoru. Words were not enough to convey how badly Suguru’s actions hit him.
For a long time, Satoru drew away from Shoko and you, taking longer and more dangerous missions. He’d be gone for weeks, coming back in the middle of the night exhausted and no closer to filling that void in his chest. Shoko wasn’t faring much better, burying herself in her own work. It didn’t feel right for you to grieve the now curse user, so you focused on trying to support the other two as best you could.
It took months for Satoru to regain some semblance of self, but you were there for it all. You remained by his side through his entire grieving process. He couldn’t understand why you stayed, but he was grateful for your presence. Having a constant comfort was something he wasn’t about to take for granted. You stayed awake for every sleepless night, let him vent and grieve how he needed to, making sure he wasn’t alone.
Throughout this process, you became invaluable to each other. Something fundamental had shifted between you two.
After Jujustu High, life fell into a semi-normality. Satoru decided to become a teacher at the high school. Although he’d never admit it, he did actually want to nurture future students into becoming the best sorcerers they could be. As for you, you became a fully-fledged Grade 1 sorcerer and started going on solo missions.
Satoru and you remained as close as they had during their school days. Satoru had occupied a semi-permanent space in your apartment, complete with his own drawer and toothbrush. You had even started keeping Satoru’s favorite snacks in stock. It was as if he already lived with you.
“Heyyyyyyyyyy,” Satoru said, sidling up to you on your couch. It had been a looooong day, for both of you. You had just gotten back from a mission that took three days longer than it was supposed to, and Satoru was slightly struggling with his students. Needless to say, both of you were wiped.
“What is it, Toru?” you replied, not looking up from their phone. Satoru pouted.
“Look at meeeeee,” he said, poking your cheek. With an exaggerated sigh, you met his gaze.
“What do you need, Satoru?” you replied, faking sternness. Satoru pulled his world famous puppy eyes.
“You know…what if I were to…live here?” he asked, an expectant look in his eyes. You shot him both a confused and surprised look.
“Live here? Toru, you know I only have one bedroom right?” you responded, raising an eyebrow. Satoru groaned, laying his weight onto your side.
“I knowwwww. I don’t caaaaaare. My apartment’s so far away from campus and it’s so quieeeeeet. Plus, I already have all my important stuff here,” he said, pouting again. He really was pulling all the stops this time. You paused, weighing what he said. It would be nice not coming home to a quiet, empty apartment all the time. Sharing a bed with him wasn’t an issue either. And Satoru wasn’t lying when he said most of his stuff was here anyway…
“Ugh, fine,” You responded, rolling their eyes with a smile tugging on the corner of your lips. Satoru cheered, pumping his fists in the air.
“YAY!”
Living with Satoru proved to be equally rewarding and aggravating. He was a surprisingly good housemate, clean and respectful. Except for sharing a bed. His massive limbs spread out to the point where they were on top of you. More than once, you’d woken up to him curled around you, trapping you in his embrace. And more than once, you’d melted into his touch, allowing it to carry you back to sleep.
Domesticity looked nice on Satoru. He wasn’t a great cook, but you were trying to teach him anyways. He’d gotten to the point where he could make dinner for you two without burning the kitchen down, which was a win in his book.
Each day, the lines between platonic and romantic blurred. Cuddling, holding each other closer than one would a friend. Brushing teeth together, making goofy faces as the toothpaste foamed at the corners of your mouths. Pecks on the cheek, forehead, temples, nose. “I love you” became a common phrase in the apartment. Vulnerable conversations, sharing insecurities and fears, comforting one another during bad days.
You didn’t know where you stood with him. Something you learned early on is that Gojo Satoru was not someone who offered his feelings up easily. He was vulnerable with you, but never about how he felt towards you. You knew you loved him. You’d been loving him since your student days. You hoped he felt the same way with every blurring of lines, but you couldn’t be sure.
Patience is a virtue, but after two years of this with no further clarity, yours was wearing thin. Any time you’d brought up your relationship, Satoru would brush you off.
“Why put a label on what we’ve got? We’ve got a good thing going on, don’t we?” he’d retort, his defenses going up. You knew he was just avoiding the issue, even when you couldn’t see his eyes. You never had the strength to truly confront him about it, so you always let it go.
Until now.
Today had sucked. Really, majorly sucked. Your mission failed because the higher ups failed to properly brief you on the danger of the situation, so people died and you couldn’t save them.
You came home, your heart heavy in your chest. You needed Satoru, craved his warm arms circling around you. Your trudging through the door alerted him that something was severely off with you. Whenever you came home, you’d always open the door with enthusiasm to be home. He loved watching you take off your jacket and shoes as you set your bag down.
He turned the stove off, setting the pot of soup aside in favor of going to your side. As soon as you saw him, you collapsed into him. Sobs wracked your body as he held you, rubbing your back with one hand and holding your head with the other.
For ten minutes you just sobbed. You sobbed until all that was left was your trembling frame and soft sniffles.
“Satoru, I can’t keep doing this,” you said, your voice cracking. Satoru’s heart stopped, his mind going back to the curse user he once called friend. If he lost you too…
Well. He didn’t know what he’d do.
“Doing what, honey?” He asked softly, needing you to explain. He’d never needing you to speak so much. Your voice was always a source of comfort, of happiness, for him. Your voice had never made him so…scared.
“What is this? What are we?” you asked, your usual inhibitions failing you. You wanted answers, and you wanted them now. Satoru froze, not expecting those questions. He thought he had more time.
“I…I don’t know,” he said, his mouth refusing to form the words he so desperately wanted to. You sniffled again, pulling yourself out of his grasp.
“Is it me?” you asked, your voice so small and quiet that Satoru could feel his heart breaking.
“No! No, God, no. You’re…You’re perfect,” he responded, the words tumbling out of his mouth. Your gaze snapped to his,
“Then…what?” you asked, unsatisfied with his answers. Satoru knew he was being selfish with you. His brain was working overtime, trying to say anything to take the attention off him. But even he knew it was time for the vulnerability he’d never been able to show.
“I’m…I’m scared, terrified even, of losing you,” he whispered. Your eyes widened.
“Satoru…if you’re still scared of that, then you haven’t been paying attention. I’ve been yours from the start,” you responded, a frown forming on your face. For the first time, Gojo Satoru was speechless.
“I…” he trailed off, words not cooperating with him. New tears formed in your eyes.
“Satoru, what’s my favorite color?” you asked, your body trembling again. Satoru searched his mind, going through every single memory he ever had of you. But he knew that he didn’t know. He didn’t even think he’d ever asked.
“Satoru, what’s my favorite book?” You’d talked about it countless times, yet Gojo couldn’t seem to remember the title. His heart sank with every following question you asked him.
Both of you came to very important conclusions.
“Satoru, I think you should leave for tonight. I…I need some time to think,” you said, turning away from him.
“Wait, please!” he cried, reaching out for you. You turned back to him.
“For what, Gojo?! I have loved you since I met you. I never expected you to feel the same way, but I thought that maybe you did. Now I’m seeing how much of a fool I was,” you said, tears streaming down your cheeks. Satoru winced at hearing his last name come out of your mouth. He wasn’t Gojo, not to you. He was Satoru, Toru, honey, love, any of the petnames you’d given him over the years. Not Gojo. He felt wetness stream down his cheeks as well.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” is what came out of his mouth. You scoffed, walking into the bedroom and closing the door.
You leaned your back against the door, burying your face in your knees. The front door opened and shut, leaving you in the silence of your decision. Your heart was broken. The man you’d spent so long loving didn’t know you at all.
Satoru walked aimlessly for hours that night. When he moved in with you, you’d insisted he kept his apartment if he ever wanted to go back to it. But he didn’t. He knew from that first night when you made him ramen that he wanted to be by your side always.
He couldn’t remember your favorite color because you always had three you cycled between. Your favorite book was a tie between two books by the same author. When you got home each day, you set down your bag, took off your jacket then your shoes, in that order. You talked in your sleep. Mostly nonsense, but sometimes you’d mumble his name and reach for him. You hated the higher ups, but always worked so diligently. The deaths of those you couldn’t save weighed heavily on you, and you always clung to him a little more those days. You were most beautiful in the mornings right when you woke up. Despite your staunch claim that you didn’t cry during movies, you always teared up during sad parts. Your favorite pajamas were an oversized shirt and sleep shorts. You had a very specific morning and night routine.
As he walked, his chest ached with every step away from you he took. Everything in him screamed for him to turn around and run back to you. To hold you, kiss you, love you like you deserved. But he didn’t. You deserved so much better than he could ever give you.
So he walked.