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The few days after Colin and Penelope’s wedding were an overwhelming blur.
Kate had been over the moon when Anthony suggested traveling back to India for the birth of their first child. When she married Anthony, Kate had come to peace with the idea that it could be years before she saw her homeland again, if she ever did. It was something she’d mourned quietly in their engagement and early marriage, even as she had been happy beyond her wildest imaginings to be marrying Anthony. But she had come to terms with it – after all, that was life, was it not? There were no perfect decisions in life, and every choice, even the ones that you knew in your heart were absolutely right for you, came with consequences.
And she was so happy to have married Anthony. Despite any sadness she had felt over not returning to India any time soon, Kate knew without a doubt that she would make the same choice over and over again, if given the opportunity.
But when Anthony suggested returning to India together, well, it was like the clouds parted and offered Kate the best of all possibilities on a silver platter. Not only would she be able to return to the beloved country that still held hostage such a large piece of her heart, but she would be able to share it with the man who had captured the other part of her heart. The thought of sharing her heritage and childhood with Anthony, and eventually with their child, well, it made her feel fit to burst with excitement and love for her dear husband.
And impossibly, in the days following their decision, Anthony seemed even more excited than Kate by the prospect. Anthony acquired several maps through one of Colin’s merchant connections, including a world map so he might chart their journey, and a more detailed map of India to study. He pulled it out when they had rare moments of peace, peppering Kate with questions about where she’d grown up, other cities or areas that she had traveled to, and even parts of the country that she, too, had only ever seen on a map.
It was incredibly endearing, even though Kate had to remind him several times that India was quite a large country, and she had only seen the smallest sliver of it.
As they’d scrambled about London and Bridgerton House to sort out all the necessary details for their departure, one word just kept floating through Kate’s mind.
Home. She was going home.
The rush of energy from their decision and sheer volume of tasks they needed to accomplish to ensure a speedy departure fueled her through the first two days. While Anthony took care of securing their passage and sorting estate matters with Benedict, their solicitor, and their steward, Kate oversaw the packing process to prepare for the journey. She was surprised by how difficult it felt, given that she had been packed and ready to make this very journey exactly one year ago. Then again, so much had changed in the last year, so perhaps she oughtn’t have been surprised that it felt so different this time around.
Kate’s first moment of pause came on their third day, when Anthony informed her over dinner that he had a lead on a midwife that he’d invited to interview with them the following morning.
“I beg your pardon?” Kate asked, frozen with a forkful of chicken halfway to her mouth. “A midwife? For what purpose?”
Anthony frowned at her as though she’d sprouted a second head. “For you and the baby, of course,” he said, spearing a potato as though he had not just dropped a small bomb into Kate’s lap.
She frowned and paused for a moment, flipping back through the conversations they’d had in the past two days. Had she forgotten a discussion? They did say that pregnancy could make one forgetful. But no, she could not for the life of her recall a conversation where she and Anthony talked about a midwife – she was fairly certain she would remember that.
“We have midwives, too, in India,” she told him, her tone turning peevish. “I assure you, we are not so backwards that only an English midwife could successfully deliver this baby.”
Upon hearing the shift in his wife’s tone, Anthony also froze, something that looked like realization dawning across his face.
“Hang on, did we not discuss this? I could have sworn we did.” When Kate slowly shook her head, Anthony let out an embarrassed groan and buried his head in his hands for a moment, leaning his elbows on the table. “Christ, I knew I was forgetting something,” he mumbled, his ears turning red as he ran a hand through his hair. When he looked back up at Kate, he was appropriately shamefaced. “I’m so sorry, darling, I truly thought we discussed this two days ago when I put the ad in the paper,” he apologized, his brows pinched with worry.
Any frustration that might have been building in Kate melted at his genuine contrition. She shook her head and reached out for one of his hands.
“It is all right, these past few days have been a whirlwind,” Kate assured him. He gave her a small, contrite smile, squeezing her hand gratefully. “So then, tell me, why do we need a midwife on the journey when I am not due to give birth until a month after our arrival?”
“Kate, even if you do not give birth until we are well and truly settled in India, you will still spend most of your pregnancy on that ship,” Anthony reasoned. “We know that a baby’s due date is an estimate at best. And heaven forbid something happen to delay us mid-journey. We will be at sea for days or weeks between ports. And if –“ He cut himself off, his lip suddenly wobbling with emotion. Kate’s stomach flipped, and she squeezed his hand in reassurance as he swallowed thickly. “If the baby were to come early, or if anything were to happen to you and the baby as a result of us not having a proper midwife on the ship, then I would never forgive myself,” he whispered fiercely.
Suddenly, what had seemed like a ridiculous precaution did not feel quite so foolish. Kate knew about what Anthony had been through with Hyacinth’s birth – it had been one of their quiet, late-night discussions when they’d confirmed that she was expecting. It had been a tearful conversation on both ends, but Kate was grateful to learn about her husband’s fears, and to share a few of her own. In the context of that experience, hiring a midwife to join them on a journey halfway around the world seemed like a rather sensible precaution, indeed.
Kate brought their joined hands up to her lips, pressing a kiss into the back of Anthony’s hand. “Thank you for taking such good care of our baby and me,” she murmured, tears prickling at her eyes. “You’re quite right, it is a very good idea, and I’m glad you have gotten an answer to your ad. So, tell me about her, if we are to meet her tomorrow.”
Anthony smiled gratefully, giving her hand one last squeeze before picking back up his fork and launching into the small amount he knew about the woman from her letter.
They spent the rest of the evening talking about the midwife and the remaining details to be sorted before they could depart, which they were planning to do the day after tomorrow. But throughout the evening and into the following day, Kate couldn’t help the small, yet persistent, voice in her head.
She had not truly thought about the implications of being pregnant on the ship. She had spent all her time fantasizing about being in her village at the end when she gave birth, about being surrounded by Edwina and Mama, about getting to see so many of her child’s firsts in the same place where she’d had so many formative firsts herself, that she had not considered much about the journey over there.
Kate was not quite so terrified of pregnancy as Anthony was, but it’s not as though she was relishing the prospect. She’d had enough conversations with Daphne, Violet, and other married ladies to know that it was not exactly a pleasant process, no matter how much you longed for and loved the child at the end of it. She thought about the small cabin that she, Edwina, and Mama had shared on their journey to England, the terrible food, the rough seas they’d encountered. She was certain that Anthony would have paid for nicer accommodations than the Sharma women could have afforded, but there was only so much comfort that could be bought on such a long sea journey. And while Kate had not exactly been prone to severe seasickness on her last journey, she had only recently seemed to get past the morning sickness of pregnancy. Heaven only knew whether it would return when she found herself on the rolling ocean waves.
Still, Kate managed to mostly push down that small voice, balanced out by her continued excitement to be returning to India.
The next few days were a blur. Anthony managed to square away estate matters with Benedict. Kate provisioned everything she could think that they might need. They hired Lakshmi, the midwife of about Kate’s age who had been brought to London several years ago for an aborted marriage to an Englishman, and who was eager for the passage back to Bombay. And so, the details of their trip quickly clicked into place.
By Friday, they were dressed for travel and bidding tearful goodbyes to the family on the steps of Bridgerton House. Kate took long looks at each and every one of them, knowing that it would be several years before she saw them again.
Each goodbye was difficult, but it was especially hard with Gregory and Hyacinth – they would both be so much more grown by the time she and Anthony returned. Kate choked up as she hugged them both, but it was even worse watching Anthony say goodbye to them. She was not sure how, but her husband managed to keep a stiff upper lip as he told Gregory that he and Benedict would be the men of the house in his absence, and he expected them to look after their mother and sisters. He even managed to keep it together while Hyacinth gently wept into his jacket, clutching him tightly as he whispered quiet, comforting words into her hair. But as they climbed into the carriage with Newton and Lakshmi, Kate was certain that she saw her husband swipe at his eyes.
They had a three-day trip to Southampton ahead of them, and they would catch their ship there on Tuesday. Kate threaded her fingers through Anthony’s with a reassuring squeeze as they pulled away from Bridgerton House and didn’t let go until they reached their first stop to water the horses just outside of the city. They’d trundled through London in silence, with each (human) occupant of their carriage seemingly lost in their own thoughts, but as they gave the horses a rest, Kate pulled Anthony aside, gently wrapping her arms around his waist.
“Are you all right?” she murmured, her brow crinkling with concern. Anthony leaned into her embrace in relief, but nodded firmly.
“Absolutely,” he assured her, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. “Of course, it is hard to say goodbye to my mother and siblings, but I have the most important members of my family right here.”
He laid his hand on her gently swelling belly and fixed her with the sort of love-struck look that had become something of a permanent fixture on his face in the last year. And it still made Kate’s heart swell each and every time she was on the receiving end of it.
Still, she could not resist a little bit of light needling.
“Of course that is true, since Newton is here,” she smirked, glancing over her husband’s shoulder to where Newton was having a grand time playing fetch with Lakshmi, who was amused by his endless enthusiasm. Anthony twisted around with a slight frown and a humph as he studied the dog.
“Yes, well, he certainly adds to the… amusement.” He turned back to Kate with a raised eyebrow. “You are certain that he would not be happier to remain in England? We are not too far, I can arrange to have someone take him back to Bridgerton House, and I am certain that Hyacinth would be thrilled to see to his care.”
Kate smacked his chest lightly with an affronted gasp. “How dare you try to get rid of my darling boy!” she accused, even as mischief danced in her eyes. A moment of panic flashed across Anthony’s face before he cottoned onto her tone.
“And how dare you accuse me of such, I am simply thinking of his own comfort. He has already made the crossing once and he is not as young as he once was,” he replied with his own glint in his eyes.
Kate snorted lightly. “He is younger than you, and I am not worried about your health or comfort on this crossing.” Anthony tightened his arms around her.
“Indeed, for we all know that I am most comfortable wherever you are.” He gave her a devilish grin that made her stomach swoop. “As to my health, I can think of several ways to ensure that I have enough exercise to stay in peak physical condition.”
“You do realize that the walls of a ship’s cabin are far thinner than those of our family home, do you not?”
“And I believe you are the one who had a problem with our amorous activities getting too loud at home. I assure you, I have no problem with every other person on that boat hearing you scream my name.”
“Anthony!” A blush rose in Kate’s cheeks as she glanced around to make sure that Lakshmi was out of hearing distance. “You must behave, we are supposed to be a distinguished, noble couple.”
“And I intend to live my life as a distinguished nobleman who takes great pleasure in loving his wife, loudly and openly.” He glanced down at her stomach. “She is a midwife, darling, I do not think she is ignorant as to how babies are made.”
Kate rolled her eyes. “You are incorrigible,” she muttered as she dodged a kiss. Before he even registered what had happened, she stepped out of his arms to go check on Lakshmi and Newton, smirking as she left behind a bewildered husband.
It was a relief to know that Anthony seemed content to leave his mother and siblings behind to have an adventure with Kate, but for the next two days, she carried a small pit in her stomach as they got closer and closer to Southampton. Even if he seemed fine, Kate could not help but feel like something was off.
Then, it was Sunday, their last day on the road, where they expected to arrive in Southampton by late afternoon. It also happened to be the day of Francesca’s wedding back in London.
They had talked with Francesca before their departure, even offering to delay their journey two weeks until the next ship so that they might be there for her wedding. She had waved them off, insisting that the fewer people that were there, the happier she would be, and that she did not want to cause delay in their plans when every week’s delay brought them closer to Kate’s due date. Kate and Anthony had discussed it privately and decided that, as much as they would have liked to be there for Fran’s wedding, it was just too much of a delay. After her conversation with Anthony earlier in the week had planted the seed, Kate was truthfully still feeling a bit stressed by the uncertainties of both pregnancy and such a long sea journey. Keeping their berth on the earlier ship seemed prudent.
But nothing had prepared Kate to wake up on Sunday morning feeling positively gutted that she was not in London with Francesca for her big day, and she had a suspicion that Anthony felt similarly. Their breakfast had been subdued, even as Lakshmi was eager to get to the end of this first leg of their journey. Anthony was quietly pensive all morning.
Just before ten that morning, the time when the ceremony was to take place, Kate noticed Anthony fiddling with his father’s pocket watch more than usual. He flipped it open at 9:45, 9:48, 9:50, and every one to two minutes until it was 10:00 on the dot. When he noticed that the watch had finally hit ten, Kate watched him stare at the watch face for several long minutes, completely lost in thought. She left him with his thoughts until about a quarter past, when she placed a gentle hand on his forearm. His attention jerked to her immediately.
“It is done,” she murmured with something of a sad smile. “Francesca must now be Lady Kilmartin.”
The corners of Anthony’s lips twitched in an attempted smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Indeed, I suppose so,” he mumbled as he took her hand in his, playing with her fingers.
Another long, silent moment passed between them before Kate spoke again. “It was the right decision to leave when we did,” she assured him, “even if we had to miss the wedding.”
Anthony nodded and let out a long breath. And there was another forced smile. “No, of course,” he agreed. “I’m sure Fran prefers it that way anyway. Fewer eyes on her.”
Kate was certain that Francesca would appreciate being the center of attention for fewer people, but she was not so certain that Fran would have minded additional eyes if they had belonged to her beloved oldest brother. But Francesca also did not have a selfish bone in her body, so of course she had said that she wanted them to go and chase their Indian adventure. Guilt churned in Kate’s stomach all day.
When they arrived at the inn in Southampton by mid-afternoon, Lakshmi quickly excused herself to go stroll to a few nearby shops. Kate watched Anthony wrestle with guilt over whether he ought to accompany her out of concern for her safety, but Kate assured him that the shops were nearby, and Lakshmi was a very capable woman. He was not entirely convinced until Kate whispered in his ear what they might do with their afternoon instead, at which point he quickly followed her upstairs to their room.
Their lovemaking that afternoon was slow and deep. Kate felt like an emotional thread was pulled taut between them as they panted and moved together, different from their usual carefree enthusiasm. Today, it felt like they were both chasing more than just their release as they flew off that cliff together.
As they lay together afterwards, sweaty and tangled in bedsheets, Kate finally let herself give voice to the niggling doubt that had been chipping away at her for days.
“Are we doing the right thing?” she murmured as she swirled a finger over Anthony’s bare chest. Her eyes connected with his with a small, concerned frown. “By doing this now. By missing so much of what will happen with our family in that time. By risking an early arrival of our baby, that he or she might decide to be born while we are on a ship. Have we been foolish?”
Anthony cupped her cheek gently, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to her lips. When he pulled back, he fixed Kate with an expression of such earnestness that she could not help but feel comforted by it.
“I would be lying if I said I had not considered the same questions myself in the past few days,” he told her honestly. “And I must admit that I find myself fighting quite a few of my natural instincts to remain optimistic.” His eyes were soft as he tucked a stray curl over her ear. “But one of the many things I have learned in our year of marriage is that I do not want to be ruled by fear. You make me want to overcome those fears, my love. And the fear that gripped my heart last year, that kept me from you for so long, was the worst fear I have ever known. If conquering that fear could make me so absurdly happy, then what else might I be missing by giving in to subsequent fears?”
Kate felt a rush of relief that Anthony had been wrestling with similar questions. But even as his loving words made her want to kiss him senseless and forget the whole conversation, she pressed on. “But do you not think that some amount of fear can be a good thing?” she asked. “Not so much that it controls you or keeps you from happiness, but fear sharpens the mind and alerts you to dangers. Is it not helpful sometimes to heed your fears?”
A small crease appeared between Anthony’s brows as he considered her question. His finger traced lazily over her shoulder and collarbone, and Kate could practically see gears of thought turning behind his eyes. “I suppose that is true,” he murmured with a small frown. Another moment passed between them as Anthony’s eyes darted over her face, cataloguing every small movement as he tried to read her. “Do you still want to do this, darling?” he finally asked, his voice tender and holding no judgement. “I thought you wanted this, that this would make you happy.”
Kate nodded, her eyes misty as she softly stroked a finger across his cheek. “Of course I did. I do, I mean. But is that the only reason you are doing this, that you believe it will make me happy?”
“Kathani, I want you to hear what I am about to tell you and take it with the greatest sincerity.” His eyes bore into hers with an intensity that was not uncommon for her husband, but still managed to steal her breath whenever it was fixed on her. “There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that I would not do to make you happy. I very nearly married your sister last season because I thought it would make you happy. Everything that I might do to make you happy now is child’s play compared to that. So I want you to banish all thoughts of ‘only making you happy,’ as in my mind, that is more than enough to justify any actions.”
Tears prickled in Kate’s eyes at his words. And to think that this man had once eschewed poetry.
She opened her mouth to respond, but Anthony placed a finger across her lips to silence her. “But,” he continued, “to answer your question, I can assure you it is not my only reason for pursuing this with you. I meant every word that I told you at Colin’s wedding. I so desperately want our child to know and appreciate the Sharma side of the family, and I do not think I can help you with that until I have experienced your culture myself. And selfishly, I ache to know everything I can about you. To see the land and culture that made you the incredible woman you are today. Those, combined with the fact that I also believed it would make you happy, seem like more than sufficient justification for this journey.”
This time, the tears escaped the confines of her eyes and began streaming down her cheeks. Anthony quickly wrapped her in a surrounding embrace, rubbing soothing circles on her back as she buried her face in his shoulder. One of his hands gently cupped the back of her head and held her close, the tenderness of the action only making Kate’s chest ache even more. Anthony made gentle shushing noises as he stroked down the back of her head and neck.
“What is it, my love?” he asked into the top of her head, pressing a kiss into her curls. “All will be well, I promise you.”
Kate shook her head and looked up at him, despite her red-rimmed eyes that she was certain made her look a mess. “No, it is not that, I just – I cannot bear how much I love you,” she sobbed, her lips wobbly as they tried (and failed) to twist into a smile. Anthony’s face relaxed into an adoring look as one of his thumbs skimmed across her cheek, wiping away her tears.
“I sometimes cannot bear how much I love you too,” he assured her before pulling her in for a soft kiss. Kate sighed into it, feeling the worst of her tears melt away with the grounding feeling of his lips on hers.
As he pulled away, Anthony peppered kisses across her cheeks and nose, attentively tracing her tear tracks.
“So, were these happy tears, then?” he asked quietly. “Although I ache to see you cry, I can live with it if your tears are out of happiness. But if our departure plans are causing you anguish, let us discuss them. I do not want us to do anything where your fear or distress would outweigh your happiness and excitement.”
Kate skimmed a hand over his chest soothingly, even as she felt her mind falter. Were her tears entirely happiness, or was she feeling more upset by this journey than she’d thought?
“I assure you, my tears were mostly happiness,” she tried to brush it off. Unfortunately for her, Anthony was obsessively attentive to her every word.
“Mostly?”
She closed her eyes briefly and tried to wade through the conflicting swirl of emotions. “Mostly yes, but I… I do not know, it is all just so much,” she confessed, her lip wobbling again as she swallowed down another onslaught of tears. “I want nothing more than to share my culture and homeland with you and our child, and I love that you want that too. But I just… I don’t know, I cannot tell if something feels off, or if it is just the pregnancy getting to me.”
Anthony nodded earnestly, studying her for another moment as he absently traced a finger over her lips and chin. “That is all right,” he reassured her. “We have the rest of the evening and all day tomorrow before our ship leaves the following morning. Perhaps we might sleep on it another night and see how you are feeling tomorrow, yes?”
A relieved smile practically melted across Kate’s face as she nodded eagerly. “Indeed, I believe that is a perfect plan,” she said. She grabbed his face and kissed him firmly. Anthony grinned into the kiss before quickly pushing Kate onto her back and ducking down her body, murmuring something about how he ‘knew what would take her mind off of any sorrows’ as he settled between her thighs. Kate’s laughter at his enthusiasm quickly turned into a gasp as she felt his tongue tease over her core, pushing all coherent thought from her head.
For the next day, Kate thought on the matter extensively. Barring several amorous moments with Anthony that did truly take her mind off the matter, it was very nearly the only thing on her mind as she turned it over from every angle.
She wanted to share her homeland with Anthony so badly, but was this the right time? She longed to be in India for the birth of their child, but she might very well end up giving birth on a ship. And as much as she wanted to see India again, she kept recalling all that she had missed this season in London with Anthony’s family – her family. They might be a meddlesome bunch, but she had come to love them all dearly in the past year, more than she ever might have expected to love her in-laws, had she given herself the license to imagine marriage for herself before meeting Anthony.
She had made several jokes to Anthony while they were in London about stepping into her viscountess duties, and the truth was that she did long to do so. And she felt sad to think about all that they would miss in the time they would be gone.
But still, the draw of returning to India pulled strongly on her heart.
She was so preoccupied that by Monday afternoon, Anthony had offered to take her for a stroll down to the harbor. Kate had been asking him to do so since before they arrived in Southampton, to which Anthony had protested that the docks were no place for a lady. Kate had insisted that they would be at the harbor on Tuesday regardless, and that she was well familiar with the workings of a dock, thank you very much. She and Anthony had bickered about it over dinner on Sunday night, but Kate was so distracted and preoccupied on Monday that Anthony must have taken pity on her by mid-afternoon. She beamed when he extended the offer, quickly dropping a kiss to his cheek and dashing up the stairs of the inn to grab a shawl from their room.
Kate knelt next to her trunk, mentally trying to recall each item of clothing she and Sarah, her lady’s maid, had packed for her as she opened it. She was positive that they had packed her favorite purple shawl, the one that would be just perfect to keep off the chill of the sea breeze, but not too stifling in the summer sun. But as she dug through fabrics and small boxes, she did not glimpse the deep purple she was looking for.
Just as she was considering opening Anthony’s trunk, wondering if perhaps it had ended up in the wrong one, she caught sight of an unfamiliar parcel sitting in the bottom of her trunk. Which was quite odd – she was certain she had meticulously inspected every item that had gone into both her and Anthony’s trunks.
With a frown, she pulled it out to see that it was a rather nondescript looking package. It was wrapped in brown paper and tied with simple string, and the only way she knew that it was not an accident that it had ended up in her trunk was that Kate was scrawled across the paper in rushed handwriting. Curious, Kate tugged on the string and pulled back the paper.
At first glance, it seemed to be a rather strange assortment of items, none of which Kate recognized. A note was folded on top of the pile, which she reached for first. Her confused frown quickly melted as she started reading.
Dearest Kate,
We know you are returning to a country that is far more familiar to you than our own, but we wanted to gift you with some reminders of England. We hope it is not too forward to wish that, in the short year since you joined our family, you might have found some pieces of home in our country as well. We thought you might appreciate carrying with you some reminders of that home, as well as our love for you, with you on your journey.
We are so happy for you and Anthony, and we wish you smooth sailing and a wonderful adventure. Please write when you are able to, and especially when you are settled and once the baby arrives. We cannot wait to meet him or her upon your return.
Much love,
Violet, Benedict, Colin, Penelope, Daphne, Simon, Eloise, Francesca, John, Gregory, and Hyacinth
Kate stared at the package in wordless shock, tears welling in her eyes as she set the note aside to see what they had included in the package. There was a novel from Eloise, a new romance published by an unnamed author called Pride and Prejudice that she had been telling Kate about before she left. In its pages were tucked several flattened daisies, along with a note from Hyacinth instructing Kate that they had only just been picked, so they still needed several weeks of pressing before they were fully dried. There was a blank leather diary from Colin, a sheet of music from Francesca that looked like a lullaby, a quick sketch of Bridgerton House that must have been done by Benedict, a pair of baby booties from Daphne. There was even a small parcel of cinnamon biscuits from Gregory – he’d confessed to Kate after her conversation with Eloise that he’d only continued to request them from the kitchen because he thought that Kate liked them (she did). And at the bottom of the pile was a folded baby blanket, one which had been embroidered with an ornate B surrounded by a beautiful pattern of wisteria and tulips. There was no note with it, but Kate was certain it had been made by her mother-in-law.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she re-inspected each gift, overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness that had gone into each one. While she had spent significant time observing each of the Bridgertons to determine how she might best fit into their family, Kate had not quite realized that they had been studying her just as carefully in return. That they appreciated her as more than just “Anthony’s wife.” Oh, she knew they all liked her well enough, but she felt completely bowled over by their show of love and familial support.
And suddenly, it felt like something clicked into place inside her. She had been chasing that feeling of home all the way back to India, but she had not truly thought about the home that she would be leaving in England. The home that she had only just started to build for herself, but that she already loved so dearly. The home that her children would grow up in, no matter the time they might spend in India as well.
India would always be there. One day, she would show Anthony and their children the place where she grew up. But right now, she very much wanted to settle into the life in England that she had already come to love, to feel like she had her feet under her in her various new roles of wife, viscountess, and soon mother before she spent several years traveling.
She was jostled out of her thoughts by the click of the door behind her.
“Kate, darling, did you find – oh god, Kate, what happened?” Anthony rushed to crouch down in front of Kate, one hand moving to grip her shoulder while the other went to her chin, his finger tilting her to look into the anxiety clouding his features. “Are you all right? Are you hurt?” His eyes roamed over her face and body as quickly as he could, scanning for whatever had upset her, even as she shook her head and swiped at her eyes. Before she could answer, his eyes caught on the unwrapped parcel still sitting in her lap with a frown. “What’s all of this?”
Kate held out the note from the family wordlessly, which he took and began scanning. She smiled as she watched his expression morph from concern to affectionate longing. When he looked back into her eyes, his own were tender and warm with understanding.
“Well, those buggers certainly know how to be charming when they want to be,” he said with a light smirk. Kate chuckled with him.
“That they do,” she said as he sank down to sit cross-legged in front of her. He glanced down at her lap again.
“So, what all do we have here?” he asked, twisting his head to read the title of the book. With a smile, Kate reached down and began showing him each of the items they’d packed for her in turn.
Anthony was suitably moved by his family’s thoughtfulness, appropriately oohing over each item. His eyes lingered on the sketch of Bridgerton House, with Kate having to nudge him out of his slight trance to suggest that they look in his trunk to see if he had a similar package. Sure enough, they had hidden a similar one at the bottom of his trunk – he had slightly different items (a bottle of brandy instead of the baby items, a book on Indian customs that Kate was going to have to ask Eloise how on earth she had managed to acquire), but the love poured into the bundle from his family was the same.
“I cannot believe they went to all this trouble,” Anthony murmured as he flipped through the book.
“Can you not? They love you dearly,” Kate said gently. Anthony hummed in agreement.
“This is true, but they positively adore you. I believe I have risen in their estimation by association,” he joked, his voice laced with pride.
“I do not think that is entirely true.”
“But not entirely false either.”
A small grin twisted across Kate’s face. “Perhaps it is simply because you are a much happier man since we were married instead of the miserable family tyrant.”
“Oh, that much is undoubtedly true.”
They chuckled together, glancing between each other and the scattered items around them. Anthony reached out to grasp one of Kate’s hands, and she squeezed it back firmly. Anthony raised a brow at her, a clear question written on his face. With a sigh, Kate laced her fingers through his.
“I do not think we should go to India,” she said softly in answer to his unasked question. Anthony’s brow shot up – this did not seem to be the answer he was expecting.
“Why not? Are you certain?” Kate nodded, the words feeling righter as she sat with them.
“I am as certain as I can be, which admittedly, is not entirely, but I think it is right for us.” She squeezed his hand again. “I have only barely begun to settle into this new life with you, to actually be your viscountess. We have spent so much time away that I should like a chance to settle into creating a home with you. A home where we will raise our children.” Kate brought their joined hands to her stomach, and Anthony’s eyes turned misty as he caressed the bump.
“What about returning to your homeland? Sharing your culture with our child?”
“We will certainly make the journey with them, one day,” Kate assured him. A mischievous grin tugged at her lips. “I know this is getting ahead of ourselves, but this is not the only child I wish to have with you.”
Anthony’s eyes darkened with arousal at her words. “With how often I plan to ravish you for years to come, I do not see how we could possibly stop at only one,” he rumbled. The deepening of his tone sent a shiver down Kate’s spine, but she willed herself to stay focused.
“Indeed, and I have no desire to stop the ravishing,” she smirked.
“I should bloody well hope not.”
“But it adds to the point I am making, which is that this,” she ran her hand over her gently swelling belly, “will not be our only child. And I should like them to know India and appreciate our culture, but I want to take them when they will remember it. And perhaps, when I can make the journey without being pregnant at the time.”
Anthony’s expression softened. “Are you certain that it will not make you unhappy to stay in England for several more years yet?” he asked. “I know you have said that you are happy, but when we were talking to Colin the night before his wedding, I wondered…”
Kate’s mouth fell open slightly at his words into a disbelieving laugh. “Anthony Bridgerton,” she began slowly. “Are you telling me that you proposed this trip because me saying that our marriage was not perfect and was hard work caused you to think that I was growing unhappy?”
A long moment of incriminating silence stretched between them during which Kate’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “I mean, the reasons we talked about yesterday are still the reasons why I believed we should go,” Anthony said defensively. At Kate’s skeptical look, he continued sheepishly, “But, perhaps that conversation was a… catalyst of sorts.”
“Oh goodness, I cannot believe this,” Kate laughed. “Anthony, darling, you almost married my sister, and you wonder why our marriage is not a fairy tale? No marriage is perfect or easy, and I expect that will be proven true even more so when we are parents. I do not want perfect. I want all of the messy twists and turns with you.”
Adoration shone from Anthony’s face as his brows twisted into a lovesick sort of frown. “I just, I could not bear the thought of you being at all unhappy with our life here,” he confessed. Kate simply shook her head fondly.
“My love, the past year with you has been the happiest of my life. I promise you, I love everything about the life we are building. And whenever I am not as absurdly happy as I feel now, I will tell you so that we can navigate it together. With or without running off to India.”
Anthony let out a long breath, studying her for a moment before nodding slowly. “Okay,” he agreed. “I must confess that I have been… nervous about you traveling in your condition. I would certainly feel better if you were to give birth at Aubrey Hall.”
“Then it is settled,” Kate said with finality, relief flooding her in a way that made her certain that this was the right decision. “We shall stay in England for several more years. Let this child grow a bit, perhaps have a brother or sister or two, and then we will revisit the idea of crossing to India. And we will tell each other if we are worried that the other is unhappy before it prompts us to make wildly life-altering decisions.”
“Yes, dear.”
Anthony’s sheepish tone told Kate everything she needed to know about his motivations for suggesting this trip. She reached over and tugged on his collar, bringing his mouth to hers in a sweet kiss that escalated as Anthony shoved aside the items around them and pushed Kate to lay her down flat.
Later, as they curled together on the floor, their clothing askew and breathing ragged, Kate laid a hand over Anthony’s heart.
“I hope you know that your enthusiasm to learn about my culture and history makes me love you so much more,” she murmured. “Perhaps my biggest regret about this decision is that I will not be able to share the experience with you for several years yet.”
Anthony hummed lightly. “I was certainly looking forward to learning more about where you came from, but I believe you are correct that this is the right choice,” he assured her. A grin twisted at his lips. “And perhaps we do not need to go to India for me to start to learn more about your culture. I now have this new book from Eloise,” he glanced around at where they’d shoved the contents of their respective care packages before turning back to Kate with a grin, “and I believe I have the most beautiful teacher available to me. If she would be amenable to taking on a student, that is.”
Kate’s heart swelled with affection as she smiled at him. “Indeed, I think she could make time for some lessons, as long as her pupil was dedicated.”
“I can assure you that he would be most dedicated.”
“Then I believe we can arrange something.” She paused for a moment, considering her next request. “I also wonder what you might think about putting an advert out to hire an Indian cook, at least on a part-time basis. I have no desire to displace Mr. Williams, and I am not sure how many of the ingredients we will be able to find in England, but having someone we can call on a few nights a week might be a good place to start.”
“I think that is a marvelous idea,” Anthony told her earnestly. “I don’t believe I mentioned this, but before we left, I was… briefly flirting with an investment in a spice trading company. I think when we return to London, I will call on the chap that Colin recommended and explore it further.”
“That would be wonderful.” Kate let out a wistful sigh before her expression turned slightly serious again. “And we must still pay for Lakshmi’s voyage. I could not stand it if our decision forced her out of returning to her sister and family.”
“Certainly, we will. I was thinking that I might offer her our cabin. Perhaps in exchange for carrying a letter with her for your sister? You mentioned that your village is not too far from Bombay where she aims to settle, is that right?”
Kate beamed at her husband’s generosity and thoughtfulness. “It is not, and as long as we provide her with the sum she will need for the trip, I am certain she will be willing. And I would like to tell Edwina and Mama the exciting news,” she said as she rubbed her hand absently over her stomach.
“I am certain they will be thrilled for us.”
“As am I.” A moment of comfortable silence stretched between them before Kate was hit with another thought. “Perhaps, by the time we are able to make the journey with our children, they will have cousins awaiting them as well,” she mused, looking up at Anthony with a hopeful grin, which he returned.
“I think that may be inevitable, given how smitten your sister is.” He placed a gentle kiss on Kate’s temple. “All the more reason why the timing will make more sense in a few years.”
Contentedness swept through Kate as she curled into her husband, contemplating this new version of their future. It was a different future than she thought lay ahead for them just an hour ago, but it felt so right. The perfect balance of their duty and their joy. Of Anthony’s familial responsibility and Kate’s heritage that they hoped to pass onto their children. Truly a life to suit both of them.