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“i might not make it b—”
before clancy could even finish, torchbearer interrupted him.
“make it back alive? i know,” he said, voice icy and harsh. “it—it’s all i know, really.”
clancy bristled. “what’s that supposed to mean?”
“it means that i’ve known how this’ll end from the first moment i saw you,” torchbearer sighed, his gaze fixed on a spot just beyond clancy’s shoulder. “that there’s nothing i can do to stop things—i just have to walk beside you, knowing that you’ll be here one day, and the next you won’t.”
clancy was at a loss for words, unable to articulate what he truly wanted to say. the only coherent thought in his head spilled from his lips before he could even stop himself.
“i have to go. if i don’t come back, i know you can keep pushing forward—i can say that with absolute certainty.”
torchbearer exhaled slowly, finally meeting clancy’s eyes. “the only certain thing in all of this is that things won’t end nicely—you don’t think that i think about that? like all the time?”
“i know, i do too.” clancy’s shoulders dropped, as if he had already been defeated.
“just—try to stay alive, okay?” torchbearer asked softly. after a second of hesitation, he reached out—cupping clancy’s face in his hands and, careful as ever, pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. “i want you home in one piece now.”
clancy closed his eyes, allowing himself to take in torchbearer’s words, even for just a moment. despite all he’d been through, stepping away from him now was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do.
“go,” torchbearer said, “i’ll be waiting right here for you once it’s all over.”
no turning back now, clancy thought, hating how those three words were unable to pass his lips, i’m past the point of no return.
clancy turned back to the tower, time to take his chance.