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Enjolras was expected to make a speech in front of the entire student body in under three minutes, but here he is, backstage, not getting enough oxygen to stand up without the wall supporting him, let alone address everyone in his speech.
“Enj?” Not him, god, anyone but him. He glances to his side, finding Grantaire stood beside him. Enjolras looks back to his front, squeezing his eyes shut. He can’t panic, not now, not in front of him. He’s supposed to be fearless, and yet here he stands, barely breathing, almost falling to the floor.
Grantaire steps towards him, “Can I touch you?” He asks, putting his hand out slightly. Enjolras nods, not trusting himself to speak. Grantaire puts his hand on Enjolras’ arm, sliding up and down comfortingly. He slides his hand down to his wrist, Enjolras notices too late that he was checking his pulse. “Do you want to sit down?” Grantaire asks calmly, his pulse must have given away the state he was in. Still he nods.
The pair slide to the floor, Grantaire's hand never leaving Enjolras’ arm.
Grantaire took Enjolras’ hand in his and put it against his chest. “Can you copy my breathing?” Enjolras shook his head.
“I-I c-can’t, I can't, I-” He broke himself off.
“Yes you can, come on, you're not getting enough air, breathe with me.” He said, taking exaggerated breaths. Enjolras continued to shake his head, saying ‘I can't’ over and over, until he went silent and his breathing evened out. Grantaire looks down at him sadly, he passed out.
Enjolras awoke, looking around, he was in an apartment? Wasn't he backstage before? How did he get here? “You're in my apartment.” Grantaire rounded a corner, walking in. “You passed out so I took you here, though you'd be more comfortable.” He finished, sitting next to him.
“Sorry to be a pain, I'll get out of your hair now.” Enjolras said, moving to stand, before being stopped by a hand on his shoulder. “You just had a panic attack then passed out, you're not going anywhere. And besides, you're not a pain, don't apologize for this, never apologize for this.” Enjolras looked to the floor, but complied.
Grantaire's features soften. “Do you want to talk about it, that was a hell of a panic attack back there.” Enjolras shut his eyes, not able to see him any more. He shrugged, “Just a whole lot stacked on top of me I guess. I have some assignments due, I have a few exams coming up that I'm not prepared for, I haven't been eating, I haven't been sleeping. I guess it just all got too much.” He listed. Grantaire gave a worried look.
“You haven't been eating or sleeping? How long has it been since you've done either of them?” Grantaire sounded genuinely worried, which surprised Enjolras. “I don't know, probably a couple days.”
“Enjolras, you need to eat and sleep.” That shocked him, causing him to open his eyes, being faced with a very worried Grantaire looking back at him. He stood, making his way to the kitchen. “Eggs sound good?” He asked, producing a pan from a cupboard.
“I can't ask you to cook for me. It's fine, really. I'll eat another time.”
Grantaire gave a pained look. “I want to. I want to know that you're alright.” He busied himself making the eggs.
Enjolras shrunk into the sofa, feeling guilty for being such a pain. Grantaire walked around the sofa, carrying two plates and two mugs. “I made some tea, too.” He said, sitting down, handing Enjolras a mug and plate. “Thank you, really.” He said, eating the eggs.
“It's no problem, I want to make sure you're doing okay.”
Enjolras finishes his eggs and puts his fork down on his plate. He notices a drop of water land on his plate, realizing he's crying, he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears from falling, trying to stop Grantaire from realizing. A sob forces itself out of his chest, despite him trying to suppress it. Suddenly both plates were on the floor and Grantaire was at his side. “Enjolras…” He said, moving closer to his side, wrapping his arm around Enjolras’ shoulders comfortingly. Enjolras spun himself around in the other's hold, holding his shirt in his fists, pressing his face into his chest. Fully breaking down.
Grantaire wrapped his arms around the other, not saying anything, just holding him.
After a while of the pair sitting like that, Enjolras pulled away, wiping his eyes. “Sorry. I don't know what came over me.” He said, bowing his head. “Enjolras, look at me.” Enjolras looked up at him. God, he looked miserable. “Don't apologize, you've had a shit day, I get that. You deserve a break once in a while.”
“I can't have a break though. I have assignments that I can't miss the deadline for and my teachers don't give a shit when I tell them I need an extension. I can't fail their classes but I'm going to. I'm a failure and I can't do anything right.” Enjolras said, working himself back into panic. “Hey, hey. You're not a failure. You need to breathe.” Grantaire said gently. Enjolras closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “We can figure something out later, for now you need to sleep, you've gone too long without.” He said. “You can sleep in my bed.” Grantaire said, standing up, holding out his hand for Enjolras to take. Wordlessly Enjolras takes it, standing up on shaky legs.
The pair walk to the bedroom, hand in hand. Enjolras all but falls into the bed when he gets close enough, clearly overcome with exhaustion. Grantaire moves to leave the room when Enjolras grabs his hand. “Can you stay? I really don't want to be alone right now.” He said, eyes pleading.
“Are you a danger to yourself?” Grantaire said, turning his whole body around, worry painted on his face. “No! No, I just get in my own head and, well, you saw what happens.”
“Alright.” Grantaire breathed, moving to sit next to him on the bed.
Enjolras put his face on Grantaire's shoulder, closing his eyes. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Grantaire said, wrapping his arm around Enjolras’ shoulders.
“For everything. You didn't have to help me. You could have left me to panic on my own.” He said. “But you didn't.”
“I couldn't leave you like that. I know what it feels like to be left to panic on your own. I couldn't in my right mind let you suffer on your own.”
“Do you want to lay down?” Grantaire said, gaining a nod from Enjolras. The pair lay backwards, Enjolras shuffling closer to rest his head on Grantaire's chest. Grantaire wrapping his arms around him protectively. Enjolras closed his eyes.
He was safe.