Archive of Our Own

He showed up on Friday with his hair dyed a shade suspiciously similar to that of Yunho’s. When asked by several girls the reason for the color, he simply shrugged and said it was a color he hadn’t tried before. The girls sent him long sideways glances before whispering among themselves and giggling. Whatever conclusions they had come to, they seemed satisfied with as they smiled and waved at him before going back to their classrooms.

He didn’t bother wasting his time figuring them out, he was much too preoccupied with his family. Since the last visit, his mother had been calling him more frequently to check up on him. It would be more correct to say that he started answering the calls more frequently. In the beginning, there were awkward silences and carefully navigated topics; but as the phone was passed around incessantly between siblings the awkwardness melted away. There just wasn’t a way for him to listen to the familiar squabbling without affection setting in.

Somehow or another, it was decided that he’d meet up with a few of his sisters that afternoon to get some shopping done. His sisters insisted that the shops in Seoul had larger variety, but he knew it was an excuse for them to visit him. His heart swelled knowing that they still considered him a part of their family even if he wasn’t with them anymore. He hadn’t allowed himself to think often of his family even if he missed them dearly. He still didn’t allow himself to hope for more than casual friendliness and tried to hold back his expectations for a whole afternoon of dealing with sassy women he used to call his family.

His distractedness was subject to lots of speculation the entire day. Kim Jaejoong was usually calm and poised, seemingly prepared for any situation. For him to be so anxious was unnerving for the other students, it was completely different from the sides of him they previously encountered. Many theories started to fly around from the yaoi fangirl favored “pre-date with Yunho jitters” to the fight inspired “Jaejoong on the run from gang leaders” explanations, there was hardly anyone that didn’t notice the student’s obvious fretfulness. They just all didn’t know what to make of this unfamiliar Kim Jaejoong.

Jaejoong’s unusual behavior didn’t escape his attention—it was near impossible with the amount of people gossiping about it. It worried him a bit that Jaejoong was so obviously bothered by something that he didn’t attempt to hide behind his façades. He had never liked the presence of them, but to have the other behave so peculiarly was disconcerting.

When his name started to float around in conjunction with Jaejoong’s distress, he was ready to pull his hair out. He hadn’t thought the other would be so uncomfortable with going out with him that he’d be so visibly distracted the whole day prior to their dinner. The other had seemed so confident when he inspected his wounds and he was sure the other was interested in him.

He started thinking perhaps he made a mistake in interpreting Jaejoong’s actions. To him, this was not about the challenge of figuring out the mystery that is Kim Jaejoong. To him, this was an opportunity to get to know someone deeper and more intimately. To him, this was a chance to see the beautiful nature behind the gorgeous face. He wasn’t as arrogant to assume he would succeed where all others failed, but he wanted so badly to believe Jaejoong viewed him differently.

However, he was rational enough to understand that he wasn’t the center of Jaejoong’s world, probably not even a consequential presence, and that he probably wasn’t the cause of this perplexing behavior. He didn’t know if he was allowed to ask, and that’s what he hated most about the whole matter. He had given plenty of invitation for the other to talk to him when he was feeling troubled, but the other hadn’t taken up the offer.

He wondered for once if he was making up Jaejoong’s intentions in his mind. He wondered if Jaejoong was simply being kind like usual. He wondered if he was trying to so hard to be special to Jaejoong that he was losing grasp of reality. That was what scared him the most—that he would invest wholeheartedly in something that was a game of sorts to the other party. But even if it was so, could he say that Kim Jaejoong wasn’t worth the risk? It wasn’t a question he had an answer to yet.

“Joong-ah! I’ve missed you so much!” greeted his first steps out of the school gates and was his only warning before being smothered. Students visibly slowed down in shock upon seeing the display—not only was Kim Jaejoong being suffocated in someone’s bosom but he was also not fighting the other person off (too much). Discussion and gossip were immediately rampant and cell phones were whipped out to document the evidence. There appeared to be no end to the weirdness surrounding Kim Jaejoong that day.

He was grateful that only Mikyung-noona was here to pick him up and not the rest of his sisters. She might have been affectionate, but at least she wasn’t emotional like some of this other elder sisters. Ignoring the whispering around him, he returned the hug and let his sister pat him up and down as she scolded him for being too skinny. When she finally reached his face, she was frowning at the split lip but pecked him on the cheek before dragging him into the car.

Before he could buckle his seatbelt, she was already asking him about his school life, friends, and possible boyfriend. He didn’t elaborate on the first, since he’s always done well in school. He didn’t elaborate on the second, since he couldn’t decide if they’re friends or acquaintances. He didn’t elaborate on the third, because he didn’t have one; except he failed to hide his blush while thinking about Yunho as a possibility.

Seeing his rosy cheeks, she squealed and proceeded to drive like a public hazard while hounding him for details. Fearing for his life, he yelled at her until she pulled into a parking spot near the fashion district. He tried to calm his nerves while she called up his other sisters to share the news. Before he knew it, he was surrounded by three other women all talking at once and inspecting him head to toe.

Despite the annoyance of being pulled here and there, he couldn’t suppress the smile tugging at his lips. He hadn’t allowed himself to expect anything but awkward politeness, but this blatant infringement of his privacy spoke volumes of their intimacy. He refused to give any details to his sisters’ disappointments, but they knew better than anyone that Jaejoong could keep a secret if he wanted to.

Letting go of the issue temporarily, they decided to go Evisu like they had planned. All of them were ecstatic when they found out their favorite foreign brand was opening a store in Seoul. Now they could find their favorite jeans without having to depend on friends and relatives vacationing in Japan. Talking excitedly, they didn’t even realize he was no longer following behind them looking instead at the promotional pictures on display.

“Jaejoong?”

As much as Jaejoong’s behavior bewildered him, he didn’t have time to ponder over it too deeply as he headed over to Evisu to fulfill his promotional obligations. He arrived at the store only to be ushered to the backroom to change into a gray long sleeve shirt and distressed jeans. After a few adjustments and accessories, he was sent to the hairstylist to have his hair “sexily tousled”. Deciding not to argue with the style coordinator, he obediently sat through the process of having his hair arranged, waxed, and sprayed.

When he was about to finally leave the seat, another stylist came by and tried to put makeup on his face. He tried to escape since he wasn’t in the habit of wearing cosmetics, but she had already enlisted the help of the other stylists to hold him down. He continued to struggle, but reluctantly gave up when she threatened to stab him in the eye with the eyeliner if he didn’t stop fidgeting. Looking for an opening, he finally managed to escape the giggling stylists and groping hands when she turned around in search of lip gloss.

His hasty retreat was met with protests from the stylists, but he smiled apprehensively back and made his way to the manager of the store for his promotional duties. The manager took one look at him and burst into laughter, “You’re a quick one huh? The last guy wasn’t so lucky and was stuck with pink lip gloss¹.”

“Pink?! Why would they do that??” He was thankful he managed to escape before she did more than the eyeliner.

“Because they can,” the manager chuckled some more, “I guess Japanese aesthetics of masculinity is a bit different from the Korean masculinity.” He gave a shrug, “Anyway, you’ll just need to greet people outside and try to get people to come in to look. We’re having a grand opening promotion for people that spend more than 250,000 won, they get a free shirt.”

He’d never had to sell things to others before, so he didn’t know how he’d get customers into the shop. Nonetheless, he resolved to try his best since the store was sponsoring part of his team’s traveling costs. Taking a deep breath, he gave thanks that he at least wasn’t in pink lip gloss and softly uttered a “fighting” as he headed towards the entrance.

Since it was Friday afternoon, there were lots of people shopping in the area. He was still deciding where to stand without being caught in the crowd when he caught sight of a group of women heading in his direction. Summoning a smile to his face, he gave a small bow in greeting, “Annyeonghaseyo, would you ladies like to take a look inside? We’re having a…Jaejoong?”

Jaejoong turned, surprised to hear the voice belonging to the person whose poster he had been busy ogling. “Yunho?!”

Yunho’s smile grew larger, “Dropping the 'sshi' now?”

Jaejoong was about to reply when a cough interrupted him, the pair of them looked over at the four women watching the exchange with blatant interest. As interesting as it was seeing the range of expressions on the four faces, from protective glaring to barely contained glee, Yunho couldn’t help but think that perhaps he made a mistake in addressing Jaejoong so casually while he was talking to them initially. Blushing a bit from his rude behavior, Yunho gave a bow and was about to apologize when he was cut off with “Joong-ah, who’s this?”

“Omo! Isn’t he the model in those posters?!” one of them pointed at Yunho while another one was looking back and forth between the poster and the person in front of her.

Jaejoong suppressed a groan and cursed his luck. “Noona, this is Jung Yunho. We go to the same school.” Yunho gave another bow in greeting. “Yunho, these are my noona-deul.”

“Annyeonghasimnida, Jung Yunho imnida.” He tried not to fidget under the scrutiny of the four women.

“Annyeonghasimnida? Why so formal now?” one of them teased.

“Yeah, you can call us noona too, since you’re obviously close to our dear dongsaeng.” Another one fluttered her lashes. Yunho wasn’t sure how he was supposed to respond.

“Noona, leave him alone!” Jaejoong growled in their direction, placing himself between his sisters and Yunho.

“Why dongsaeng? Have a prior claim on him?” Mikyung winked at the others and suddenly all of their smiles grew larger and more meaningful.

Jaejoong knew he was doomed for the rest of the afternoon with his sisters, but he couldn’t stop the frantic “No!” from escaping his lips. His blush reached his ears, which only caused his sisters to smirk even more.

“No? But Jaejoong, don’t we have a date tomorrow?” and Jaejoong knew that he would kill Yunho for giving his sisters even more ammunition.

“Date?! You have a date with him?! Omo! That’s so…so…” Jaejoong squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for judgment to come. He had hoped that their afternoon together wouldn’t be tainted like this “hot!” Jaejoong could only blink at that exclamation as two of his sisters started talking rapidly to each other and looking dreamily at Yunho.

Yunho watched from the side as Jaejoong continued to scream “It’s not a date!” and attempted to stop his sisters from imagining the pair of them in compromising positions. A cough diverted his attention from the cute and embarrassed Jaejoong in front of him, he turned to face Jaejoong’s other two sisters who looked less than thrilled at the recent developments.

“Jung Yunho is it?” He nodded nervously, that tone of voice never brought good news. “So what are your intentions with courting Jaejoong? If you’re only playing around, I will permanently re—”

“Dongsaeng! You’re being rude! Sorry, Ahyoung’s just a bit overprotective since Joongie’s been living by himself.” The other sister covered her sister’s mouth will apologizing.

When she finally succeeded in prying the hand away from her mouth, she exclaimed, “Jinhee-unnie! What’s wrong with protecting Joongie?!”

“The fact that I can take care of myself should be sufficient, huh?” Jaejoong replied with his arms crossed.

An open palm met the back of Jaejoong’s head and he scowled at his noona. “Who said you could talk like that to your noona? What’s so great about him anyway?”

“Just leave me alone! I can decide for myself who I want to date!”

“You want to date me?” the whispered comment didn’t escape the notice of all involved parties. Yunho smiled stupidly while repeating that sentiment to himself, “Jaejoong wants to date me…”

“…are you sure you still want to dongsaeng? He looks a bit stupid.” Ahyoung asked.

“Or crazy.” Sookjin² added.

“But he’s so hot!” Mikyung countered, “I’m sure that’ll make up for the stupidity.”

Jaejoong ignored all their comments, turning to face Yunho seriously. “Yes, Jung Yunho, I want to date you.”

Yunho’s brilliant smile blinded all of them momentarily before it slid into a confident smirk. “Then I’ll try to be worth your attention.³”

For the first time, Jaejoong wished he wasn’t such a flirt. He finally knew what those words could do to a man when left with his imagination. His thoughts were interrupted with the tugging of his sleeve. His sisters all eyed him knowingly as he tried to clear his head of the delicious images it conjured up. “We’ll see you later, Yunho-sshi. Thanks for the promotion info.”

“My pleasure ladies, Jaejoong.” With a final wink, Yunho turned back to his task at hand, stealing occasional glances into the store where a certain red-haired beauty was being cornered by his noona-deul.

He believed he had met the reasons for Jaejoong’s strange behavior. He hadn’t known that Jaejoong had so many sisters or any siblings at all. Jaejoong’s whole demeanor made him feel like a loner most of the time with his single-mindedness and independence. If he hadn’t witnessed the exchanges himself, he wouldn’t have believed Jaejoong to be the youngest of a large family.

It was utterly fascinating to see Jaejoong play the role of the over-protected magnae of his family. If he was even playing a role would be the question he would ponder later. At the moment, he was savoring the view of Jaejoong behaving like the exasperated youngest brother and not the cool and collected student. The flustered look was a good look on Jaejoong, not that there was ever a bad look he’d ever witnessed on Jaejoong—even with his split lip, he was a seductive rebel.

More so, he wanted to bask the fact that Jaejoong declared that he wanted to date Yunho. The smile that graced his face blinded a couple of passersby, but he was oblivious to that at the moment. He could put to rest his worries of Jaejoong playing with him. He was truly relieved that Jaejoong was at least considering their relationship as seriously as he was, and not akin to his previous dalliances.

In all seriousness though, he started to understand more about Jaejoong in this one serendipitous meeting than from all of his past observations. He hadn’t missed the way that Jaejoong had flinched when he told them about their date the following day. He wasn’t sure what it meant—if it meant that Jaejoong wasn’t out to his family or he didn’t want his family to know he was dating. Judging by his sisters’ enthused reactions, Jaejoong was probably out to his family. Then the problem circled back to the fact that Jaejoong was dating him.

He shook his head to clear away his thoughts. He wouldn’t know until Jaejoong was willing to tell him. He would take away the few precious moments of seeing the true Kim Jaejoong and appreciate them. At the moment, he was working and should put forth better effort for his sponsors. Conjuring up a smile to replace the frown that was on his face, he once again started to approach shoppers. As he watched people on dates, he let his heavy thoughts leave him and let himself anticipate the upcoming date.

He wasn’t sure what possessed him to declare out loud his want to date Yunho, but he was deeply regretting that decision as his sisters closed in on him. The gleam in their eyes did nothing to settle his mind as they advanced on him. If he was busy coming up with excuses in his mind, he would be impressed by their intimidation tactics. As it were, he could only mentally prepare himself for more the nagging that would follow.

“First of all dongsaeng, you need to quit your job at the bar.” Jinhee stated.

He was taken aback by that, he was expecting chastisement about dating. “Eh?”

“You can’t expect to hold onto Yunho while you’re working at a bar and flirting it up for tips can you? He won’t take you seriously that way and think you’re easy.”

“…it’s a bit too late for that one.” He whispered under his breath, but apparently not quiet enough.

“What?! Has he been asking you for sex? I’m going to kill him!” Ahyoung screamed.

“Shhh! It’s nothing like that! Do you really think I would date someone like that?! I have better taste than that!” he huffed.

“Why do you want to date him anyway?” Mikyung asked enthusiastically.

“Because he’s different from all other guys.”

“Wow. That was seriously a chick answer, dongsaeng.”

“For sure,” Mikyung agreed with Sookjin’s sentiments. “But seriously, do you even like him?”

“I don’t know,” he thought wistfully, “but I like him enough to want to like him more.”

“Which brings us back to the point of you quitting that bar job. Seriously dongsaeng, you could find a better job than that.” Jinhee insisted stubbornly.

“Fine, I will,” Jinhee cheered “when I can find a job that pays just as well.”

“Remember your words dongsaeng!” Jinhee tapped her finger against his forehead. “I’m going to find you a better job!”

He groaned, he hadn’t meant the previous statement as a challenge. Jinhee had a point though, he didn’t want to appear cheap and easy. He spent time walking the line of mysterious ambiguity to the point that he didn’t really remember what it meant to want something for himself anymore. He was too accustomed to trying to make a point and pushing boundaries that he was forgetting the reason behind it all.

What did he want? He didn’t know, couldn’t really remember what want felt like.

Yunho was the closest thing he had to it.