Chapter Text
Buck would like to preface this by saying that he wouldn't change anything.
Buck would like to begin by saying that he would not change anything about where he is in life right now. He wouldn’t change going to that bar that one night, he wouldn’t change that one drink that was one too many, and he absolutely wouldn’t change what, where and who it made him do. He doesn’t regret using one of the expired condoms he found all the way down the glove compartment of his jeep. He doesn’t, and neither did Nicole back then. She was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous and straddling his legs with her skirt raised all the way, wearing one of those pink lacy matching set that pushed her boobs all the way up in Buck’s face, which in turn made them at the perfect height for his mouth to kiss, lick and suck on them and when she whined and threw her head back with pleasure, the “I’m on birth control” excuse seemed good enough to trust that an expired condom and the pill would take care of things. She rode him senselessly in a way he hadn’t been ridden yet, and he really, really didn’t regret it.
Maybe there were some mixed-up feelings when she called him, three and a half months later, telling her there was a blue strike on a pink stick and that it was not only his, but that she was keeping it. But can you blame him? Buck was barely 23, living in Peru as a bartender. By then, he hadn’t spoken to either his parents or his sister in a full year, and he definitely didn’t have his life together. When Nicole called him, Evan – because he went by Evan back then – was literally on his way back from the apartment of the guy he had hooked up with the night before, and he had to actually take a moment and think who Nicole even was. Not that she wasn’t worth remembering, that wasn’t the point, but he was getting around quite a lot. He was still well into his hooking up with strangers phase, and he wasn’t thinking of being a dad at twenty-three.
But being a dad, he was about to be nonetheless.
Nicole gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a few months later. The 7lbs, blue eyes and blonde hair had charmed him in a way he never, never expected to before. One look at her and he had simply… fallen for her. He’d do anything for her.
He and Nicole named her Violet. Buck loved her right away. When Nicole told him she wanted to leave Peru and move back to California, Buck simply packed his bag and followed, no questions asked. His life was going to turn around; he had a little girl to provide for.
In Los Angeles, Buck decided to apply to the fire academy. Great pay, good insurance and something honourable that his daughter could be proud to say her dad does in life. He didn’t expect to, but he quickly found a passion in firefighting, and it quickly became one more good thing in his life. From now on, Buck would be living for his daughter and to be a firefighter.
Around six months after Violet was born, Nicole dropped her off at his place on a weekday. It was unusual, considering that he only got to keep her with him during the weekends at that point, but Nicole looked exhausted, and there was something in her voice that sounded like she might cry if he argued. “I need you to watch Violet for a while,” she said, not even able to look at him directly.
Buck had frowned. They weren’t close friends or anything, but they didn’t hate each other either. If something was wrong, if something was going on, Nicole knew Buck would help. “What?”
She dropped the bags at their feet. “Like, Tuesday? Can you watch her until Tuesday?"
He shook his head, Violet already fussing in his arms, “Not really. I’ve got work,” he said, and then Violet smacked her small hand on Buck’s face, and he smiled at her before turning his attention back on Nicole, “You know I'm at the academy right now. I can’t take her during the week yet, you know that… we talked about it.”
It had been the wrong thing to say. “You’re her dad,” Nicole snapped at him. “I’m asking you to take care of your daughter for a week. You can’t do that?” and she said it with tears in her eyes. There were no doubts now that Buck would not let her leave with Violet tonight, but the situation still left him perplexed. They had talked, they had agreed, and it wasn’t an easy one, but it was the one they had made. Buck wasn’t thrilled to miss so much of Violet’s life and only get to see her during weekends, but he was busting his ass off at the fire academy and needed to do it so he could provide. Having her and Nicole basically crash over during the weekends definitely wasn’t what he wanted, but she also didn’t want to live with him as roommates, and he didn’t want to pretend like he was in love with her when he wasn’t. They were just two people who accidentally made a baby; they weren’t going to force a relationship between them.
It wasn’t ideal, but Buck loved his daughter, and he and Nicole had decided to do things this way. It sounded like it wasn’t working for her anymore. He let go of a long sigh, looking back at his baby with a smile. “I-I guess we’ll have to figure something out.”
“Thank you,” she said quickly before leaving them both at the door. Before leaving, Nicole took the time to give a long, slow kiss on top of Violet’s head, and Buck will always remember the feeling of doom that landed in the pit of his stomach when he watched her do that. It felt weird, it felt odd, it felt like something weird was happening.
Tuesday came, but Nicole never did. That was three years ago.
It had been a challenge, raising Violet on his own. Of course it had. Buck didn’t have Maddie, he didn’t have his parents, none of his friends really cared or knew how to change a diaper or would ever volunteer to babysit. Buck, for the most part, had to deal with everything mostly on his own. It felt like it was him and Violet against the world.
It wasn’t easy. He struggled financially, spending many nights unable to sleep from the anxiety. He didn’t graduate from the fire academy with the same people he started with. It wasn’t easy being a single parent, but it was doable nonetheless. But Buck would do anything for Violet - and he did - so while parenting was the most terrifying thing he’d ever done, he never doubted that he was right where he was supposed to be.
Then came the 118, and Buck finally knew what it meant when people said it takes a village to raise a family.