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Jeonghan had always been a bit curious, but he never intended to invade Joshua’s privacy.
It happened accidentally when Jeonghan found Joshua's diary underneath the large oak tree in the park where they usually hung out. It was a lazy Sunday but they decided to have a picnic with their mutual friend, Seungcheol.
He watched his two friends playing with other kids from afar when he noticed the leather-bound book, with its worn edges and frayed bookmark.
"What's this?" he muttered to himself, picking it up.
The cover was plain, but he recognized Joshua's neat handwriting scrawled across the first page.
He and Joshua had been close for years, practically inseparable. The idea of sneaking a peek into his best friend's diary was tempting.
He hesitated for a moment, knowing the invasion of privacy it entailed, but curiosity won. He crossed his legs, opened the diary, and began to read.
The words Joshua had written took Jeonghan by surprise. Joshua's neat handwriting filled the diary with thoughts, musings, and emotions. Jeonghan skimmed over the early entries, which seemed innocent enough—recounts of daily activities, practice sessions, and late-night conversations.
But as Jeonghan read further, his heart skip a beat, he found entries about himself.
Joshua wrote about their friendship, the way Jeonghan's laughter could light up a room, and how his kindness had been a constant source of comfort.
Jeonghan's heart swelled with emotion as he read these passages, feeling an overwhelming sense of affection for Joshua. Jeonghan's hands trembled as he continued reading.
April 15
Today, I saw him again. His laughter lights up the room, and I can't help but feel my heart race every time he's near. I wonder if he notices me the way I notice him.
May 6
He looked so happy today, surrounded by our friends. I watched him from across the table, feeling a mix of joy and longing. Why can't I just tell him?
He had always suspected Joshua felt the same way he did, but seeing it in writing made it real.
July 10
I was having a very bad day today. I felt impotent and out of control. I was on the verge of having a breakdown when he found me. Somehow, everything is okay.
September 27
He's always been so kind to me. His encouragement means everything. I can't imagine my life without him. I wish he knew how much he means to me.
November 5
Sometimes I catch myself staring at him during class. The way he answers the question, the determination in his eyes—he's everything I've ever wanted. But how can I compete with his responsibilities? How can I tell him that every time he pats my shoulder, it feels like a promise? I wish I could be braver. I wish I could tell him.
Jeonghan heard familiar voices approaching. He looked up to see Joshua and Seungcheol walking together, laughing about something. They hadn't noticed him yet.
As he reached the latest entry, Jeonghan's eyes scanned the words, feeling a pang of confusion.
December 18
I can't keep this to myself any longer. It feels like it's going to burst out of me any day now. Seungcheol's smile is the light that guides me through the toughest days. Every time he looks my way, my heart races like it's the first time. I can't tell him, though. He's one of my close friend. And what if he doesn't feel the same? What if I lose him as a friend? I just don't know what to do anymore.
“Hey, Jeonghan!” Joshua yelled out, waving. “What are you doing?”
The realization hit Jeonghan like a wave. Joshua's diary wasn't about him. It was about their mutual friend, Seungcheol. How had he been so blind? All the moments Jeonghan had cherished, the glances and smiles, had never been about him. Jeonghan quickly closed the diary, his vision blurred by tears.
“Just enjoying the weather,” Jeonghan replied, his voice steady despite the lump in his throat from trying not to cry.
“What about you two?”
“We were just grabbing some ice cream,” Seungcheol said, grinning. “Want to join us?”
Jeonghan put the diary underneath the tree. The words began to stick and the meaning is now clear to see.
The love that Joshua waited for was someone else and not him. He had hoped for a love that wasn’t meant to be.
Jeonghan nodded. He stood up, dusting himself off, and forced a smile.
Beneath the old oak tree, the diary remained—a silent witness to a love that had changed everything.