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AKAASHI KEIJI was someone who was unreachable, you’ve always thought so, despite him being in reality a few feet away, usually. You would try to catch a glimpse of him at the side of your eye whenever your best friend, his sister, would invite you over at their house after school to either just hang around or do assignments, during which he would sometimes help the both of you with something difficult to comprehend. You would always heat up whenever he would hover behind you, carefully explaining to you how this and that work, giving you a subtle smile whenever you answered correctly.
He easily became your first crush.
Yes, first, as you’ve always rejected the idea of liking another person because of childish pride, but then you found yourself looking for him when you knew he was near, smiling when he smiled, always wanting for him to talk to you, and making excuses to watch his band practice. Crushing on him was inevitable.
You’ve always thought it wouldn’t be anything other than just you being someone who had a childish crush on him and him who would always just see you as his little sister’s best friend.
Until it wasn’t just that. Your feelings for him became deeper. Late nights thinking about him became late nights talking with him.
Until your glimpses weren’t one-sided anymore and you weren’t the only one feeling this way.
Until one normal day, he was holding your hand in his, gripping it firmly but not tightly, his adam's apple bobbing– it was the first time you saw the composed and stern Akaashi Keiji nervous. As the words you’ve daydreamed of him to say ever since you were that young girl that had that childish crush on him, fall from his lips, “I like you, [name].”
Of course, at first you couldn’t believe he was actually saying that, it was unreal because you’ve liked this boy for years and here he was saying he liked you back! At this time he was already garnering a pretty large fanbase and you were just– there, you were his supporter from day one and you wouldn’t have minded staying like that. But you loved him, and it was difficult to not listen to what your heart wants.
A soft caress on your cheek awoke you from your deep sleep. The lights made you struggle to focus your eyes as you tried to recall what and where you were. Then your eyes catch onto the figure sitting next to your body on the bed— wait no, not a bed, a couch.
“I’m sorry for waking you,” he says, eyes not leaving your face as if trying to memorize your features, “It’s late,” he says, moving his hand to run over your face to make your eyes close, “Go back to sleep.”
You remove his hand on your face once you’ve registered that he was actually here, “Keiji!”
He wasn’t prepared when you tackled him into a hug but reflexively placed his arms around you, one at the back of your head and the other wrapped around your waist, “I’m home.”
You were waiting for him on the couch, he texted earlier that day saying he was flying back. Out of excitement because you were going to see your boyfriend again after so long! (Really it’s only been a week), you spent the whole afternoon preparing a meal for him for when his plane lands in the evening but his flight got delayed so you ended up putting the food in the fridge, but you didn’t want to miss greeting him the moment he walks in your apartment.
“How was everything?” you ask, burying your head on his chest.
“It went well, everyone was accommodating,” he replies, head resting on top of yours, “I missed you a lot.”
Your cheeks get warm, even after all these years you still blushed at his show of affection. Everything he does makes you feel so warm and fuzzy, and you think that could never change.
“Did you stop by your place first?” you ask, looking up at him with your arms still clinging onto him.
“No, I went straight here,” he responds, the hand on your nape leaving to brush a strand of your hair away from your face.
“What? You should’ve rested first,” you say even though inside you were glad he actually went straight to you first.
“How was I supposed to rest? You’re here,” he smiles, leaning down to give you a quick peck on your lips. You don’t know if he was flustering you on purpose or what, either way, it was working.
“Have you eaten yet? I’m going to heat up the food so you can eat,” you attempt to move away from him.
“Later,” he hugged you impossibly tighter, restricting you from any movement, you smiled, it looked like he didn't really want to let you go and that he's forgotten it's probably the middle of the night.
“How did you manage to sneak away?” you ask instead, letting him treat you like a stuffed toy he couldn't bare without, lazily tracing circles on his back.
"It was easy, since everyone couldn't wait to get to their respective homes, they didn't even care much about where I'm going to," he chuckles, "I think Sakusa noticed though."
"He's always been the observative one," you commend, Akaashi hums in agreement, "Also, Kaiya wanted me to remind you to not forget visiting them too," your best friend was just here yesterday to watch a movie and eat your food, since it was her day off, "Don't forget bringing the things she asked for, she said," you laugh.
"When have I ever forgotten? I'll tell her to wait, the next two days are for you and me," Akaashi smiles, cupping your cheek to kiss you on the forehead, then your nose, then your lips again.
"Do you not have anything scheduled?" you ask, eyes glowing.
"The next month is going to be busier than ever so I'm going to spend as much time with you as I can, my love," He rests his forehead against yours.
"And let's start that by getting a meal?" you say.
He suddenly changes positions, now standing over you, you were about to ask if his hunger was now catching up with him when he crouches and carries you bridal style. You let out a squeal and cling onto his shirt, he was going to give you a heart attack!
"I do miss your cooking," he comments while carrying you, striding into the kitchen and in front of the fridge, you open it and reach inside then signal for him to go to the microwave.
"So when are you going to let me walk on my own?" you ask playfully as he puts you down on a chair at the dining table.
You watch as Akaashi sets the plates and glasses on the table, already knowing where each was stored. Once the food is heated, he places it on each of your plates respectively before sitting down next to you. You thought he was done but then he pulls your chair closer to his.
You smile and start eating, occasionally using your spoon to feed him too when he stops in between eating to say something to you, and since you knew of this eating habit of his, you would remind him to continue eating with it. You were worried he wasn't eating much and was too focused on work.
Waking up next to Akaashi feels like a dream.
You admit to staring at his face a little too long when you wake up earlier than him. If you could call waking up at noon 'early', the both of you did sleep quite late.
His eyes flutter open, "Good morning, love," he says in his morning voice, smiling idly.
"Good morning," you say back, "Should we start our day?"
"Hm," he hums, "We should go out today, let's go sightseeing, what do you think?" he asks while reaching for your hand to hold.
"I'd love to," you agree, already rising and on your way to the bathroom.
It's been a while since the two of you have gone on a date. When you hang out these days (whenever he's actually free), it's with his family since they take you along on their trips, they treat you as family as well because you spent more than half of your childhood with them. But none of them know that Akaashi and you were in a relationship other than Kaiya. Akaashi and you have decided to keep it a secret for now (mostly on your part), 'for now' being 3 whole years now, it's mostly the public's reaction you're worried about.
You would never risk his career.
When the two of you were getting ready, you put on a dress you thought looked really pretty on you, spinning and smiling at Akaashi, "How do I look?"
He takes a good look at you with his half buttoned shirt on and wet hair, "You look gorgeous." you could say the same to him.
You couldn't resist it and stepped closer to him, buttoning his shirt for him, something about this simple action felt nice. You were smiling and humming a tune of the recent song stuck in your head— which coincidentally was one of his songs. He didn't fail to notice.
"I'm glad you liked the song," he comments, talking about his band's recent release you were humming.
"You know I love your voice," you say, patting his chest once you were done buttoning it. Reminiscing the days where you would shyly ask him to sing for you back in the day, with his old acoustic guitar you remembered asking him to teach you to play.
"Oh I almost forgot about this," you say when you spot your cap, it was to be less noticeable. Before you could reach for it though, Akaashi blocks it with his hand.
"How about we go out today without any disguises?" he suggests, you contemplate about it, you've gotten used to playing disguise with him whenever you go out in public with the risk of being seen by the paparazzi. You've never gotten caught, but then that's because Akaashi was very careful and calculated.
"But if we get seen.."
"It's a secluded place, you don't have to worry about anything," he reassures you. Part of why the both of you hide your relationship is because you were a little intimidated by the public, you don't know how Akaashi does it, you wouldn't be able to handle having little to no privacy.
There goes the butterflies again.
"Okay.. I just want to be with you," you mumble, he hears it though, ending up with his ears all reddened. You liked to see that you weren't the only one who still gets flustered because of the other.
You cherish these moments the most, it doesn't matter where you were, as long as you were with him.
Akaashi didn’t mean to make you feel neglected. You knew that. You knew that . Maybe you could even talk to him about how you’re feeling when you could actually find the means to contact him. Which isn’t anytime soon. You’re hitting your fifth anniversary this weekend and you weren’t even sure if he could make it. You understand of course, it’s not like he could stop a whole event just because his girlfriend wants his company. You would feel guilty if that were to happen. It’s just that, it’s been six months since you’ve last had a proper conversation. Six months filled with missed calls, late texts, ‘i’m sorry’s and ‘it’s okay’ except that it wasn’t . Just because you understood didn’t mean you could shake off the irrationality of wanting his attention.
“You should focus on yourself more, [name],” Kaiya tells you through the phone, you’ve turned to her for your– as you say– immature problems, “Okay, listen to me, you’re always putting others before yourself, try to catch a breather. Your problems are not irrelevant just because they seem quote en quote immature. You’re allowed to whine once in a while, you know? Stop keeping all of your feelings bottled up.”
“I know,” you slump on your bed, placing your phone on your bedside table so you could comfortably place your arms around yourself like the sad lonely potato you are.
“You say you know but I know my advice is going through one ear and out in the other,” Kaiya deadpans, you hear rustling and you could only assume she was baking again.
“To be fair I don’t exactly know how to focus on myself more. You know I’ve always been a bit of a people pleaser and liked to well, focus on others,” you rub your arms as you stare at your ceiling, recalling your highschool days. You’d like to think you were tough, but only on the inside.
“A bit? You used to do every favor anyone’s asked of you before I stepped in and made them all shut the fuck up–” you cut her off.
“But what if they really needed my help!” you even used your hands to make a gesture to fully emphasize your point even if she couldn’t see you.
“They were taking advantage of you. There’s a difference between helping someone once and acting like their bell boy.”
“They were our seniors.”
“They were assholes.”
“Assholes are a bit harsh of a term.”
“See! You haven’t changed, maybe just a bit, thanks to yours truly. But you’re still so pure I want to put you in my pocket sometimes and take you away from my brother.”
You laugh, not really believing it, “Thanks for distracting me, Kaiya,” you say softly instead, you weren’t even sure if you were heard on the other line.
“You’re welcome, always. I’m sure my brother’s going to show his face to you anytime soon.”
“I hope so,” you murmur.
He doesn’t.
It’s your anniversary.
The time 11:52 PM flashes on your homescreen.
You bite your lower lip to stop the tears from flowing as you grip your phone. You’ve been waiting for a text or call from him all day. He was in a different district this week for a fan meeting, lucky fans, you can’t help but think of it in spite. Lines and lines of them, you could only imagine how exhausting it was to entertain them all. You guess he was just too tired to remember your anniversary. Because let’s face the truth that’s been bugging your mind all day, he forgot. He forgot.
He forgot but you were still hopeful enough that he would remember before the day ended.
He forgot and it’s–because his world is constantly moving and it feels like yours is only revolving around him.
He forgot but you understand.
You could think of a hundred different ways the day could’ve been a bit better. And all of them involved him communicating with you in some type of way. But perhaps he really was just too caught up with work. You understand .
But it hurts .
And it’s not okay.
You’re not okay as you tuck your knees to your chest and let yourself cry for the first time in months.
Akaashi only realizes his mistake the next day when he sees the date. You knew of this with the way he frantically called your phone. You merely stared at the screen flashing his contact name, and honestly, you weren’t ready to talk to him yet. As much as you should answer immediately and shout at him for forgetting such an important day, you couldn’t find it in you to show a bit of anger. All you could feel was defeat.
So you just stared at the screen, not making a move to pick up your phone. You were willing to suffer the incessant sound of ringing until.. until…
Until he realizes you weren’t going to answer.
It was as difficult as you thought. Ignoring Akaashi Keiji wasn’t something you were good at, but something you were good at, was restraint. It wasn’t difficult since he was miles away from you and it’s not like you weren’t already suffering from the bare minimum of conversation from his side for months. So you’ve managed to hold up the wall, a wall that’s in the brink of shriveling up and collapsing on you because how could you practice restraint when he’s on the other side of the door and not on the other side of a phone.
“[name] can we please talk?” you missed that voice, you clench your fist, there was nothing you wanted more than to open the door and immediately gather him in your arms and say you forgive him.
“I’m sorry,” ah, that word again, how many times have you heard that from him now? But what else could he say or do? There was surely nothing that could soothe you. Akaashi knows you well enough for that, “I’m sorry, please open the door so we can talk.”
You stay silent, giving yourself the privilege of thinking it over.
“Alright.. It’s okay, as long as you’re listening it’s alright, you’re listening, right, my love?” it wasn’t something to gauge out a response from you, because you were heavily intent on giving him the silent treatment.
“I didn’t mean to forget about our anniversary, the event was held up until 10 and right after the band and I had a meeting and I lost track of time. I know that it sounds like an excuse. I'm sorry, there isn’t anything that would justify what I did. I haven’t been a good boyfriend at all these past few months, and you deserve better. But can you please not give up on me?” his voice cracks and you swallow down the words you want to say to reassure him with instead because Akaashi was overthinking these past few days just as much as you, your boyfriend and you were similar in that regard, but you aren’t exactly sure if you could provide reassurance you would mean.
You open the door so abruptly Akaashi almost stumbles inside, the result of leaning on the door. You gather up your courage to look him in the eye enough so your knees wouldn’t grow weak. You were always soft and weak whenever you were around him. Most of the time it would feel like bliss but right now it was only a painful reminder of how you would take whatever he could give you, no matter how much it would break you.
But Kaiya was right, you needed to focus on yourself more.
Akaashi’s eyes lit up the moment he finally catches a glimpse of you but when he saw the look in your eyes he understood immediately what you wanted to convey without saying anything. You gulped trying to control your emotions as you reached for one of his hands so you could grasp it in both of yours, this was your way of saying sorry. A tear slips and you become a silent crying mess in front of him as he tries to process everything.
“[name], are you thinking about.. do you want to break up with me?” Akaashi says it in a fragile tone, it shattered your heart, you didn’t.. mean to.. you didn’t want to feel like this. You just couldn’t help the sobs that rattle your chest when he finally lets it out to the world, it makes it seem more real now more than ever. Something you’ve thought of thoroughly between these days of silence.
“I.. I,” Akaashi gulps, “It’s.. okay, if you want to,” you watch as his jaw tightens and his forehead ticks for the slightest second, he was trying to act normal for you, so it would be easier, “I don’t want to see you hurt and I know I’ve only been hurting you these past months. If breaking up would be good.. for you, then.. then it’s okay,” he takes a move to take your face in his hands and wipe your tears.
“Ah,” he inhales sharply, you look up to see that he was tearing up too, “Sorry, sorry. It’s just, I couldn’t hold it in,” Akaashi tries to laugh. You attempted to laugh too but it ended up with you shedding more tears.
“Can I hug you?” he asks, “Please?” his voice cracks, your answer was wrapping your arms around his shoulders.
He rests his head in the crook of your neck and that’s when he finally breaks, “[name].. [name] I love you so much.. I.. I don’t want to break up,” he couldn’t control his tears anymore, “Please don’t break up with me. I love you. I don’t want to.. I don’t want to. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I promise I’ll find a way to make it better, I’ll be better for us [name].. please don’t leave..” he hugs you tighter, “..don’t leave me.”
You pat his back, a ridiculous aim to calm him down, this is only one of the few times he's broken down, you recall a conversation you've had with him where he said he could only ever be vulnerable around you, “Keiji,” you say his name as a plead, “I love you.. I love you so much, but I think I need a break from… just everything. But I’m not leaving you, I swear. It isn’t going to be permanent, please give me time?”
A moment where your cries and his intertwine as you clutch his shoulder as if basking in the last moments you could hold him. It just makes him hold onto you tighter.
“Okay,” Akaashi says after a few minutes of basking in each other’s warmth, “..Okay,” he squeezes you once more before letting go.
“Thank you,” I’m sorry , you mean it, as you stare up at him with watery eyes, you take a step back and close your door with shaky hands. Your last sight of him was of his distraught expression and tear stained cheeks parallel to yours..
I’m sorry.
You miss him.
More than ever before.
It’s been 3 months since you’ve broken it off. You’ve cut your connection with him but of course you couldn’t truly escape him. His life was just too thoroughly intertwined with yours. You still feel longing for him, but that was inevitable. Things have been better with you, it felt like a step to something better for you, for the both of you. You’ve tried new hobbies lately, such as your frequent yoga sessions to calm your mind that actually help. You’ve tried balancing it along with your new job in a traditional publishing house.
Late at night, when you’re all alone you miss him, but you always manage to stop yourself from searching his name on twitter to see what he was up to. It’s been 3 months of no communication and it’s killing you, even if it’s a self-inflicted rule you manage over. But as you said, your lives were too intertwined.
That was why you’re standing in a corner in the Akaashi family reunion beside Kaiya who was arguing with her cousin, who, when left, turned to you.
“The two of you are so obvious,” your best friend rolls her eyes.
“Huh?” you ask, confused while eating an appetizer an auntie gave you.
“My brother and you are. so. obvious,” she points her stick where a hotdog was once to Akaashi who was talking with an uncle, “He keeps glancing here and looking at you longingly like a lovesick puppy, it’s kinda gross,” she grimaces, “It’s a surprise my other relatives haven’t figured out that you guys have been dating for years. Whenever we have a get together he’s always hanging around somewhere near you like a moth to a flame. What did you feed him dude?”
Your heart ached, you were trying to ignore his presence because you didn’t know how to initiate an interaction that wasn’t going to be awkward. You greeted him stiffly earlier when you were approaching his parents and he was unluckily beside them. You tried to act like you usually would, as if this wasn’t the first time you were seeing him after your break up. You didn’t want it to be this way, in fact, you want it to be the opposite. After all these months, you’ve realized you can live without him, but you didn’t want to.
“We dated for years. Not anymore,” you mumble, bad habits die hard, and one of those is your pessimism, but you quickly say something else before she could hound you, “And It’s your fault for always inviting me to your family gatherings, they got used to it, do I look like an Akaashi?” you roll your eyes at her.
“Soon to be,” she winks at you. You blush at the implication, “You’re going to get back together anyways,” Kaiya was so sure of it, when you told her about how you broke up with her brother her immediate reply was ‘He deserves it, he was being stupid. The both of you are too stupidly in love to completely call it off, so let’s talk about my recent dior purchase because look–’.
“Okay but really, you’re family, just not blood-related, my parents love you to the point that I think they considered adopting you once, my aunts and uncles think you’re absolutely adorable, and my nieces and nephews are always looking for “[n/n]-chan”. You’re practically already Akaashi [name],” she gestures dramatically, just then one of her cousins that was arranging the tables to make a big long one for the whole family to sit in says ‘Bring out the food!’
You soon find yourself seated in one of the chairs beside Kaiya, all would be well if Akaashi Keiji hadn’t decided to sit in front of you. Now you were avoiding meeting his eye, oh you only wish for this dinner to go fast and smoothly because you don’t know how long you’re going to last in this avoiding eye contact game.
“[name] when are you going to date our Hiroki?” an auntie asked, catching your attention, they were pertaining to Keiji's cousin. Oh no there they go again, they have always teased Hiroki with you since around 4 years ago when he said that his ideal girlfriend was you, the family never let go of it, you always laughed it off since it was harmless, and there was no way you have eyes for any other Akaashi that isn’t Akaashi Keiji.
A few adults laughed, most teasing Hiroki, you distantly heard a choking sound coming from your best friend, and Hiroki himself was very red. You laughed awkwardly before an uncle said something that caught you off-guard.
“I thought Keiji and [name] were in a relationship?” which made your heart beat unbelievably faster. You almost dropped your fork, Kaiya was trying to contain her laughter but she slapped your thigh as if she was saying ‘see?’ and you did the one thing you didn’t want to do. You locked eyes with Keiji.
Auntie laughed, “Come on honey, our Keiji is too busy being a celebrity to be in a relationship.”
Ouch.
It felt like everything that happened flashed before you and the gaze you were holding with Keiji right now was fragile. It definitely looks like he wants to say something but you stop him with one simple shake of your head. He complies as he always did when you were in a relationship. And just like that, you move your attention elsewhere.
“Hiroki has liked you since forever [name], does he not make moves, silly boy,” Auntie continues.
“Ma!” Hiroki shouts in embarrassment, “[name] will feel awkward, I’m sorry [name],” he bows his head to you, you shake your head.
“It’s okay, Auntie just teases a lot,” you chuckle, taking a bite of your carbonara.
“Hiroki nii-san said earlier [name]-chan looked very pretty today!” one of the kids added.
The adults were about to comment rather joyously when Akaashi clanged his glass to get everyone’s attention, “That’s enough guys, [name] is getting uncomfortable,” he says calmly, you were the only one who noticed how there was a slight off in his movement, like he was annoyed but pretending not to be, the vein in his hand that was holding the cup a little too tightly gave it away.
“Keiji has always looked after [name] like his own sister, it’s cute,” Keiji’s older cousin Aiki says.
Your best friend couldn’t contain her laughter then, everyone looked at her as she cackled like a maniac, “Yeah, sure, he totally thinks of her like a sister,” she says, full of mirth. Aiki was sitting on her other side so she was looking at Kaiya like she was out of her mind.
Everyone thought she was just spouting nonsense again and veered into a different topic. You couldn’t help but glance at Keiji who you knew whose gaze on you never faltered.
For some reason, the universe liked to play with you. You didn’t know if it loved you or hated you. Surely trapping you in the kitchen with Akaashi Keiji was an unfair twist of fate or maybe methodical plans made by the person you call best friend you’ve spent more than half of your life with. Whatever it was, it led you to this moment with him. You and him, alone. Most of the family were still out in the backyard, the ones that were still awake of course, most of the kids were asleep, the older kids were watching a movie in the living room, the young-adults were with the aunts and uncles drinking outside.
You were planning on staying over and having a sleepover with Kaiya, who was one of the young-adults getting shit faced outside, but you wouldn’t have put it past her to not have meddled in a little with your relationship with her brother before getting shit faced.
You get a glass of water, using it to sober yourself, you haven’t consumed any alcohol, but you didn’t trust yourself to be composed around Akaashi Keiji. So you drink your water, inhaling before you find the right words.
“I miss you,” Keiji spoke first. He was closer than you initially thought, with your back on the entrance you hadn’t realized he was caging you in. His arm is on the counter beside where you’re still holding down the cup. Now you were truly trapped, and this is how you knew that everything was going to be fine.
“Until when is our break going to last?” he says in a trivial way, like he was asking you if you liked the weather. As if he wasn’t saying it directly in your ear, making you shiver. You remember telling him once that you liked how you could feel his voice when he spoke close to your ear. It was something very Keiji to remember and use at a time like this, you expect nothing less than perfect composure while your insides are malfunctioning.
“Keiji,” you finally turn to face him, but you don't have much room to work with, quite literally. Your hands are behind you on the counter as you look up at Akaashi and soak in his features. You missed everything, his voice, his eyes, his perfume. Everything that makes him, him. He reaches a hand out to gently cup your face, he looks into your eyes, testing the waters. If you would allow him to touch you so he could ground himself. As if feeling you was getting back his sense of reality.
“You look better,” he murmurs, using his thumb to caress your cheek, “I’m glad,” he smiles.
“Thank you for giving me time,” you place your hand over his, leaning into his touch more, “I’m sorry too,” you say.
“I should be the one saying sorry,” Akaashi’s brows furrow, “I still haven’t made it up to you.”
“So.. should we start again?” you say in a soft voice, shyly looking up at him through your lashes.
Akaashi leans down to place a kiss on your forehead, as if it was something he had wanted to do all evening, “We’re picking up where we left off.”
“That sounds nice,” you murmur, tilting your head up to place a sweet kiss on Keiji’s cheek. “We still have a lot to talk about,” you add, reaching over to brush his hair out of his face while his hands have moved down to your waist.
“And as I said, I have a lot of making up to do. I’m sorry for everything I put you through,” Akaashi has a troubled expression on his face, “I won’t make the same mistakes again. I can’t promise you that it would be easy dating me, you know that it isn’t because of my work. That’s why I’m so thankful you've still stuck with me all these years despite all my misgivings. I love you, so much. And I.. want to show you off to the world, my love.”
You bite your lower lip, it was here, another step in your relationship, “Let’s start with your family?”
Akaashi couldn’t help but pull you in for a kiss, one that leaves you gasping and breathless, “I love you,” you say.
“Stay with me forever,” Akaashi states, not even giving you a choice, it makes you laugh with giddiness, you were the only one who got to see this side of him.
“Sounds like a good plan.”
Being selfish once in a while felt nice.
Akaashi Keiji never thought he would be the type to experience the kind of love that was heart-racing, mind-clouding, immense, and overflowing. A love that makes you lose all sensibility and makes you ponder on how to function like a proper human being. Such acts included breathing normally, blinking in the usual manner, and even thinking when the person beholding the affection is near. The kind of love that existed and repeated in countless romance novels, movies, and shows. Fictional. Unreal. Untrue. It’s not like he was much of a pessimist to think that he would never find love, more like, it was unbelievable for that kind of love to exist in reality as it frankly didn’t make any sense. How could someone lose all rationality because of one single person?
Keiji could vaguely remember his father talking about the day he met his mother, how, when he first saw her it felt as if he was shot in the heart. Not by an arrow, but by a bullet. How he was hit with a myriad of emotions, love and adoration above all. A burning sensation settled in and what left was the thought of needing to get to know their mother more, absolutely sure she was the one for him.
Keiji simply didn’t get it though, at the ripe age of ten, he didn't understand how a person could fall in love with someone they didn’t know well (which is why he thinks the notion of falling in love at first sight is impossible, you can feel attraction at first sight but surely not love). He soon discovered that love could sprout differently for people. His aunt and uncle for one fell in love after years of being friends, it didn’t hit them immediately that their bond would turn into something more and yet it did . His uncle described it as one day seeing the sun shine high up in the sky and realizing how bright it makes the world.
The blinding kind of love was simply one of the many ways people express their affection for one another. In the end, he concluded that the heart-racing, mind-clouding, immense, and overflowing kind of love wasn’t something he would ever be subjected to.
He grew curious about the subjectivity in an objective reality, this curiosity turned into an interest in writing. Which then turned into an interest in poetry and eventually, lyricism. He had found a love for literature that young kids usually don’t, this then had been a turning point in his life that wasn't abrupt but impactful, who knew rummaging in the attic looking for his nana’s old books would lead him to discover an abandoned guitar?
Just like his view on love and everything else, music was something that slowly but surely made its way into his heart. A passion begins to thread and twine to the fate directing his life.
And then he was hit by a bullet.
Unlike his father, it didn’t come abruptly and immensely after he laid eyes on you. It was slower, gradual, and not anything he expected at all. He’s known you for years, being his little sister’s closest friend. You were a constant presence in his home and you were even there to listen to his band when they were merely four kids having fun and following a dream. You were always the sweet type, and it blended well with his sister’s fierce attitude. Along the way he started thinking of you as a friend too, he could confide in you and you both shared easy conversations, how could you not be friends? You practically spent every single day in his house, you were more familiar than some of his cousins .
“I just want to graduate, why is this so hard?” you whine, a pout befalling your face, “Keiji, I swear you explained it really well, maybe something’s wrong with my brain!” your eyes were wide, looking at him as if you were truly worried something was wrong with you. It was one of the many days you spent in his home, and he offered to help when he noticed you kept glaring at a piece of paper on the counter. He asked where his sister was and you said that she was taking a nap, but you couldn’t give yourself the same pleasure without finishing your worksheet.
“Maybe you need to take a break for a moment,” he suggests, smiling idly at your expression. The pout didn’t rest and he reached out to pat you gently on the head, something he got used to doing. It’s not like he saw you as a child—he was only a year and a half older—but he could never help patting your head whenever you acted in such a cute manner.
“What will that do?” your shoulders loosen and you look up at him prettily under your lashes. That’s when Keiji becomes speechless for a moment, your gaze pierces through him and he doesn't hear what you said at first. He hadn’t noticed that he’d been staring for too long, you had to get him back to his senses by uttering, “Keiji?”
“Yes? I–uhm right uh, rest will give you the energy you need to process new information easily,” Keiji suddenly felt the need to stand up, so he did. You were pretty, yes, that’s not anything new. You’ve always been pretty in his eyes so why is it that he’s now acting so weirdly about it? He’s long since acknowledged that you’re pleasing to look at. Yes. So what? Right. He didn’t get to ponder much on that afternoon because he was soon bombarded with work when his band got scouted by an agent, he had rehearsals to worry about and people to impress. Plus, you’d always be there, so he doesn’t need to rush and put a name on anything.
Budding feelings they may be. Keiji didn't know exactly what it was, but he wasn't dumb to not have a hint to what's happening to him. He just didn't let himself be too caught up in it.
Your presence in the Akaashis' lives was so prominent that you were even invited to family gatherings. His aunts, uncles, and cousins became as familiar with you as a regular family member would. He was so used to your presence on trips as well, his mother treated you as her own and his sister was more than happy to have her best friend on their outings.
“Is [name] not joining?” he found himself asking when he was carrying his bags to the car, his family and him were on their way to a beach trip and naturally, he looked for you. He just got back after weeks of juggling his second year of college and his band. His family greeted him with a resort getaway to “ease him up a bit” according to his sister who also just got home from her first year in university.
His father started laughing and Keiji was confused as to what was so hilarious, his father didn’t leave him wondering for too long, “Glad to know you were also used to her being here!” and laughed more as if this was the funniest discovery in the world.
“Dear, what’s so funny? Is it not obvious Keiji thinks of [name] as a sister as well? Of course he’d look for her,” his mom shook her head at his dad, “Now stop laughing and get the other bags, I’m too tired to walk back in.”
A sister? His mom thinks he thought of you as a sister? That was… he has never entertained the idea. You were always just you . No matter how much he thought about it, he could just never see you as a sister.
“Why is [name] not coming?” he could not take not knowing the reason and asked Kaiya who was looking like she was trying to bury herself in her hoodie.
“Because she's busy,” Kaiya shrugged, bringing out her phone and leaning on the car.
Busy? It was summer, you’re supposed to have fun during summer. Even he (someone who is dedicated to upholding responsibilities even during summer break) is taking time for leisure because it’s summer. What could you possibly be busy with that would make you unable to come and enjoy a getaway? Why wasn’t his sister reacting more to this? Usually, Kaiya would be the one most sulky about not being able to bring you along with us despite her grown age. Was Keiji the only one finding your no-show bothering?
“You’re not whining about not seeing her? You’re all grown up,” Keiji smiles, trying to get a reaction out of his sister.
“Of course I’m all grown up! Don’t act like you’re that much older than me,” Kaiya glares, “And I see [name] almost every day, I’ll see her after the trip,” she stuck her tongue out as if taunting. She smirked right after and Keiji had his suspicions that Kaiya must be trying to get something out of him as well. They think too alike, he adores his sister but he'd rather she not pry much right now when he's distraught and trying to compose himself because it shouldn't be too obvious that he's feeling distraught.
Kaiya could see you whenever she wanted, you went to the same university and lived on campus together. Somehow that gave him a bad feeling in his stomach, the reason is not that his sister specifically spends more time with you—that's a given because of your years of friendship—but because he couldn't spend much time with you. There was a clear difference.
He was feeling strange again, it was still a strange and unfamiliar feeling despite him not exactly being single his whole life. After months of being away for college and work, going home included seeing you and now that he doesn’t get to do exactly that is making him feel drowsy. He thought that he could sidetrack himself from further developing these feelings of his but it didn't work (he entertained a few people the past year because he was trying to get you off his mind—which was no use, you were always there and will always be there). Sometimes he'd think of you and he'd have the urge to message you (he gives in to his desire to talk to you most of the time), or sometimes he would look at old photos of you two—which was not much.
There was a time in the middle of band practice where he kept staring off into space because he remembered a time where you asked him to teach you how to play a few chords on a guitar and he remembered the way you laughed and how your skin felt when he was arranging your fingers on the strings properly. They had to start over and over on practicing a song because Keiji kept misremembering lines when the thought of you was making him flustered. Even Atsumu had started asking him if he would be alright performing for the gig they booked the following night. That was only one of the many instances you clouded his thoughts.
This feeling was driving him insane.
He took a deep breath to control himself because the thought of missing you was eating him away. He wanted to see you. You’ve exchanged texts and some calls over the past months but it wasn’t enough, you were one of the reasons he was looking forward to coming back home and he foolishly thought he would get to see you eventually because you’d always be there .
He’d like to take it back, it wasn’t like getting hit by a bullet per se, Keiji would equate it more to poison. The kind that slowly seeped in and made it so that it was difficult to breathe. To function. Keiji sighed and resigned himself to the irony that he was slowly ticking the boxes of the criteria that made him believe he was otherwise susceptible to the kind of blinding affection one could have towards someone.
Keiji didn’t know when exactly he entered the car, the whole journey sure felt enlightening with the way he could finally put a name to his actions towards you. He really couldn’t take it anymore and messaged you, asking why you couldn’t join the trip. It was better to hear it from you, and it also eased him a bit. Perhaps in a while, he could bring up meeting with you over the next weeks, that wouldn’t be too strange.
Fate was on his side and he got his wish of seeing you more frequently during summer break. You agreed to hang out with him and you spent it by usually going to the theaters, a museum, or simply eating out. He didn’t mind what you guys would do, he enjoyed even just passing by stores with you. Whenever Kaiya and you would hang out, you would drop by which would lead to conversations in the living room while waiting for his sister to get ready (Keiji knew his sister was also using him for a free ride but it’s not like he would complain since it means more time with you). The last week of the break was his sister’s birthday and he had enjoyed picking out gifts for her with your guidance, it did make him feel a bit empty knowing he’d have to spend months without being with you again.
Despite all his worries, he remained focused on the present. Him, Kaiya, you, and a few other of his cousins were splayed in a circle in the living room of the villa where Kaiya’s birthday was celebrated, playing a game of truth or dare. Keiji watched as Kaiya spun the bottle and as its momentum slowed, the tip of the bottle pointed at his cousin Hiroki.
A mischievous grin spread on Kaiya’s lips, she glanced once at you then back at Hiroki, “So, who would you say is your type? Answer honestly! It’s my birthday,” she slurred her words, the alcohol kicking in. If she couldn’t have been more obvious, she started clinging to you.
Hiroki looked like a deer in headlights, glancing at his sister Aiki beside him and narrowed his eyes at her, “You told her?”
“I did no such thing, you’re just too obvious,” Aiki stirred her glass of wine and winked at you whose smile was a bit strained, Keiji could tell you were starting to feel awkward. Are they trying to set you and Hiroki up? Keiji could easily put two and two together with how his cousins and sister were acting right now. He was a bit frustrated that he could only be a bystander along with his other cousins and a few of Kaiya’s other close friends, he was trying to suppress the urge to interfere.
“Answer now!” Kaiya pressed, shaking your arm while pointing a finger at Hiroki.
Keiji could only look at you. How would you react? Would you like that Hiroki feels that way about you? Keiji found himself clutching his drink. Would your cheeks warm? Would you feel light and fluttery? Would you feel the same way about Hiroki? Keiji was only giving himself pain with his train of thought.
Hiroki then quickly drank a shot of alcohol for liquid courage, “Fine, my ideal type is [name],” Hiroki then looked everywhere but you after exclaiming that to everyone in the room. The people around cheered and most started teasing you too.
Keiji locked eyes with you, he tilted his head as if asking a question, and of course, the only question coming to mind now was ‘What do you feel about Hiroki?’ . It was how you felt that mattered the most rather than his disdain for the situation. Hiroki was nice enough, but surely you didn’t know each other that well for you to harbor any feelings for his cousin. What if you did? You knew of his cousin’s existence and saw him a lot (not enough). What if Keiji never realized you already had long-term feelings for someone else because he never liked to entertain the idea of you liking someone who wasn't him?
Keiji wanted to bang his head on the wall right now. He was thinking irrationally, but being selfish was natural because he liked you, right? It was okay that he was feeling like he wanted to grab your hand and run away to a place where it could just be you and him. He never tried asking you if you currently liked anyone so he could continue to live in the fantasy of the possibility that you liked him back.
You only blinked at him before you were distracted by his sister hovering over you and saying nonsense Keiji didn’t bother to listen to. It was getting very obvious that you wanted to escape the conversation, Keiji noticed how you fiddled with your shirt and the way your eyes kept wandering to the door. Keiji took it upon himself to pull his sister away from you, “Stop it, you’re making [name] and Hiroki uncomfortable.”
His sister looked up at him with an accusing gaze, “You!”
“Yes?” he successfully pried her away from you which earned him a small smile, the simple action from you felt as if a weight was removed from his shoulders.
“Stop taking my best friend away from me!” Kaiya states as Keiji lets her go, stomping back to her place beside you.
“What do you mean?” Keiji was honestly confused about what Kaiya meant, he would not be sorry if ever that would be the actual case though.
“Don’t you think I don’t know about you two hanging out without me!” Kaiya exclaimed, ah so that’s what she meant and here Keiji thought she had a hint about his feelings towards you, or perhaps she does? But Kaiya was too drunk right now to think coherently.
“Everyone knows Keiji actually has two sisters,” Aiki laughs, giving Keiji that distraught feeling once again. Does everyone in his family think Keiji treats you like a sister? Or do they think he could never feel that way about you? Why? What can he do to make them stop thinking like that? What if you thought you were like a sister to him? Keiji could feel nothing but panic.
Later that night Keiji found you alone out in the gardens of the villa, it looks like he wasn’t the only one who had a hard time sleeping.
“Can’t sleep?” he calls out, startling you. You turn to him with your shawl wrapped tightly around your shoulders, you visibly relax when you see that it was just him.
A smile spread on your face, “Yeah, you too?”
Keiji nodded and watched as you sat on the bench, he walked towards you and leaned on the tree beside it. He wouldn’t be able to think of the right words to say if he was sitting right next to you, he was still hung up on what happened earlier this evening.
“So… I have to get back to campus the day after tomorrow,” you broke the silence, sighing after you laid out your news.
“Ah,” was the only thing Akaashi could say to the reminder that your time together was limited, “I’m leaving the same day, the weeks sure went by fast.”
That’s not what he really wanted to say though, he wanted to question you about what you felt when Hiroki practically said he liked you. Keiji wanted to know if you would be alright with seeing him again in the near future, you didn’t have to waste money on commuting, he could drive to you. Perhaps you could even attend some of his gigs, it would be exhilarating to see you watch him again. He wanted to say a lot of things to you but the only thing he could say was, “I don’t think of you like a sister.”
“Huh?” you looked up at him under your lashes, the moonlight set its rays upon you and it was similar to that moment in his kitchen a year ago. The moment that made him realize he was feeling for you deeper than he should.
“I wanted to clarify that I don’t think of you as a sister, everyone seems to get the wrong idea,” Keiji took a deep breath, he was so near to telling the truth that he was finding it difficult to breathe again. He was staring right into you and if the truth didn’t spill from his lips, he wondered if you could see it in his eyes, “They were right about one thing though.”
As if hypnotized, you stayed in place as Akaashi couldn’t restrain himself anymore and reached for your hand, catching it firmly in his grasp, “You mean a lot to me.”
“I… you mean a lot to me too, Keiji,” those words that came from your sweet voice was similar to harmony in his ears, it brought out an overwhelming feeling in his chest and he wanted nothing more than to be close to you. He can’t do that yet though, it’s not the right time.
Akaashi Keiji never thought he would experience the kind of love that was heart-racing, mind-clouding, immense, and overflowing, but he was wrong. Every moment spent with you proved it wrong, what else could explain the loss of sense and rationality whenever you were near? But he was still him after all. So he would approach this in the only way he knows, slowly but surely. You were worth it after all.
That’s why it didn’t matter how long it took for him to profess his love for you, he needs to make sure that he’s shown you that his love deserves to be reciprocated. That he deserves someone as precious as you.
It was never easy, he never expected that it would just be easy. Yet the day came when he held your hand tightly in his once again, his nerves barely being suppressed as he told you the reason for his years of pining. How he liked you, he liked you so much he could barely remember how he was before harboring feelings for you. It was blissful, it couldn’t be anything else but. He could finally be with you, after all, he had the right to be with you and it made him extremely happy. He would always be caught grinning to himself, it was to the point that Suna started asking him if he was alright because of his weird behavior. Akaashi wanted nothing more than to show you off to the world.
Although, a certain request from you made it difficult to do just that. You had asked him if you both could keep your relationship a secret because of his growing fame and you didn’t want to be caught up in that world of his. He respected your decision and was willing to follow whatever you said. Your relationship lasted for many hours, days, and months. Even if he couldn’t spend a lot of time with you in the later years because of his job and there were rough times that occurred, his love for you outweighed. His resolve remained, that it didn’t matter how much time has or will pass, his love for you would never waver.
His heart felt as if it was pumping a hundred and twenty beats per minute, a single text from you got this reaction out of him. Even with years of being together, he could still never function normally around you. He had just gotten a text in the middle of his post-concert celebratory party with his bandmates and some of the other staff. It was a simple text—two words, six letters.
My Love
2:44 AM
I’m here :)
[ insert picture of hotel lobby ]
The familiar lobby of the hotel they were staying in for the week was clear in the picture. Akaashi was speechless, how could you be here? Was he dreaming? It was a thousand miles away from home but you’re here? For him? You were here for him ?
He couldn’t leave his seat fast enough.
“Where are you going?” Sakusa asks. Akaashi didn’t think anyone would take notice if he suddenly left, but this was Sakusa here, he was simple enough to brush off, Atsumu would be more meddlesome.
“Hotel,” Akaashi started moving before he could be asked to elaborate, he couldn’t wait to see you already. He hurriedly put his cap on and passed by Sakusa once again.
“Hey, you’re still holding your dri–” Akaashi didn’t stay to hear the rest, he was feeling restless at the thought of you patiently waiting for him. He was out of the doors of the private room within minutes.
“Akaashi-san!” a hand was on his shoulder. Why does the world despise him at this very moment? He looked around and spotted Suna’s assistant. He should be glad that at least it wasn’t a fan, he loved his fans dearly but they would be more difficult to bypass. Turns out she was looking for Suna himself and couldn’t find the room. Akaashi quickly led her to the right place before rushing out again, he then realized he was still holding onto a drink and quickly left that on a counter. He should be walking faster so nothing else would stand in the way of him wrapping his arms around you and feeling your warmth after so many months of longing.
He was practically running towards his car, luckily he was still sane enough to drive properly. You would scold him for being reckless while driving, it was good that the hotel was only a few minutes away. Though it was a very agonizing ten minutes, the world was testing out his patience.
Finally, finally, he was in front of the doors which were the only thing separating him from you.
Once he gets inside, he sets his gaze on you immediately. Your shining eyes met his and you stood up from your seat, he hadn’t had a care in the world as he practically ran towards you and pulled you into an embrace. He should be thinking if his actions would earn him a trending article but he couldn’t find himself to care. The world will find out sooner or later how much you mean to him. He buried his face in your hair and hugged you impossibly tighter.
“Love, It’s a bit hard to breathe,” you pat him on his back, he can feel your grin on his shoulder.
“That’s exactly how I felt when you sent me that text message,” Keiji replies, hand clutching the back of your head, soaking in the reality that you’re actually here with him.
You fake a gasp, “So I deserve this?”
Akaashi gave a hum as a ‘yes’, “You deserve to be smothered with much more affection too,” he kissed the side of your head.
“Save that for later, please,” you say, warily looking at your surroundings, only the receptionist turning a blind eye was present.
He wastes no time and hesitantly lets you go in order to gather your suitcase, he intertwines your hand with his free hand. He leads you to the elevator and impatiently pushes the button to his floor. You, on the other hand, were leaning on his biceps as your eyes kept fluttering shut due to drowsiness from your flight. You left for your flight immediately after getting off work and you were tired from the hecticness.
Once you both arrived at Akaashi’s room, he spent no less than a minute putting things like his car keys and your suitcase away before pulling you towards the bedroom. He sat you down on the mattress and you had no time to protest (not like you would) before he placed all of his weight above you. With your back to the softness of the silky cover, you contentedly hummed and closed your eyes for a brief moment, “I need to change.”
“Five minutes,” Keiji then begins to caress your arms and bury his head on your chest, breathing you in once more.
Your hands fled to his hair, massaging the strands of raven and kissing the crown of his head, “I’ll only be staying for three days.”
A sound similar to a groan escaped from his throat, “That’s too soon.”
“I have a job too,” you laugh, “I was lucky enough to exchange with one of my coworkers so I could leave this weekend.”
“I miss you already,” Keiji practically whines, unlike his usual character.
“Don’t miss me while I’m still here,” you tugged at some of the strands on the back of his head, “And we’ll see each other again in three weeks, remember?” pertaining to their band’s final concert being held back in Japan, you would be watching the show alongside his family—who still don’t know about your relationship, the both of you have been having a difficult time bringing it up.
“Three weeks too long,” Keiji finally rose from half-suffocating you with his weight and instead started to look for clothes he could give you to change into, “You must be exhausted.”
“I’m not the one flying from country to country and performing for almost three hours every night,” you sat on the bed, using your elbows as support as you watched him shuffle through his luggage.
“Not every night,” Keiji comments before rising and handing you his clothes which you placed on your lap. He stood between your legs and used a hand to tilt your head up towards him, he was looking at you so intensely.
“Are you drunk?” you ask, squinting your eyes at him as you now only realize the slight haziness in his gaze. You knew he was in a mini celebration an hour before being here, but he said he hadn’t planned on drinking, “And you drove here?”
Keiji shook his head, drunk on you, possibly , “I barely had a glass, just to entertain the staff. I drove here safely, I swear.”
“You better have,” you give one more pointed look at him before falling back on the bed, you close your eyes. You were getting heavy-eyed, soon, sleep will win you over.
“You’re the one who said you had to change, only a few minutes have passed,” Akaashi chides you.
You groaned and opened one of your eyes and raised an arm, “Do it for me.”
Akaashi raised a brow, you were getting into one of your moods he was all too familiar with. Who was he to deny your request? He pulled you up to a sitting position once again, his hands on the hem of your shirt. Before he pulled it off you, he glanced up only to see you smiling languidly at him, “You love me so much,” you begin to tease.
“I do,” Keiji smiles softly at you.
“Hey.”
“Hey!”
“Hello! Attention to [l/n] [name].”
You look at Kaiya who has been trying to get your attention for the past minute, “Sorry?” you give her a sheepish smile, your thoughts were on the mini-vacation you let yourself have with Akaashi a month ago. You spent the past thirty minutes or so letting her family simply drag you around because you were distracted by the crowd at Ikarus’ concert. You were waiting outside because Keiji’s mother wanted to fall in line and buy merch. Kaiya complained that they could just ask Keiji for the items she wanted but her mother shushed her saying that wasn’t as authentic. Keiji’s mom was set on having the “full fan experience”.
“Why are you so dazed?” she tilted her head to the side, which awfully reminded you of Keiji (you started missing him even more). “Because you’re seeing my brother?” Kaiya scrunched up her face and made a gagging sound, “Did you not just see him a few weeks ago?”
You started looking around, sighing in relief when you saw that Akaashi’s father was with his wife, “Watch what you say,” you pouted.
Kaiya glanced at where you were looking, “When are you planning to tell them?”
“Soon,” you shrugged, you admit you were still nervous about telling them about your long-term relationship with their son. It’s been years and you know it’s been long overdue, you were ready to face the backlash that would come with hiding your relationship from them for so long.
Kaiya shook her head at you and then proceeded to take something out of her purse, she laid out the card attached to a lanyard to you, “Before I forget, your backstage pass,” you took it from her gratefully. The glossy surface of the card hits the rays of the sun, and you observe the words ‘All Access’ shown under the band’s logo. It wasn’t the first time you’ve gone to his concerts so you were already familiar with the processes, you were even friendly with some of the staff.
“You girls go on ahead, it’s a bit hot and your mother is going to take a while,” Akaashi’s father jogs to you both and nudges Kaiya to go, “She’s raving on and on about having to get that mini version of Keiji and I admit I kind of want to get that version of their album with lots of little things inside too, I want to test out my luck and see if I could get your brother’s picture on a first try—you know those little cardboards with pictures right?”
“So you would rather see him in pictures rather than going inside and meeting the real deal?” Kaiya comments.
“Yes, now go,” Akaashi’s father smiles at you before running back to Mrs. Akaashi.
“Oh, whatever, let’s go,” Kaiya saunters to the arena as if she owned the place and you trailed behind her looking at the crowds of people waiting outside, the concert wasn’t starting in another three hours yet there were already tons who were in line. You kind of felt a bit bad because you could just go inside without any worries. These were people who adored the man you were lucky enough to call your boyfriend, not as much as you—you like to believe, no one knows and loves him more than you—but that was your more selfish side talking.
“Kaiya, do you even remember where the common room is?” you asked, your memory and sense of direction weren't well. The last time you went here was their opening concert which was over a year ago.
“Uh, no, but we’ll see someone we know soon,” Kaiya was confident, walking in a straight direction as if she knew where she was going. A bunch of the crew arranging lights and holding boxes were walking around but no faces you were familiar with. It wasn’t long before we were blocked by guards on the way to a segregated part of the building.
“Are you looking for the green room?” the guard asked, eyeing your passes and affirming that you were actually allowed to be here but the both of you clearly looked lost. Kaiya kept looking around, you thought she was acting suspicious (and the guard must think so too) so you grabbed her wrist to make her focus.
“I’m looking for my brother,” Kaiya took out her phone. You wanted to just ask the guard nicely to direct you guys to the waiting room.
“And your brother is…?” The guard looked like they wanted to get this over with too.
“Akaashi Keiji,” Kaiya looked up from her phone, “He said we should go to the dressing rooms,” she pointed at her device. You do not recall Keiji saying any of that, he hasn’t opened his phone in a while, he usually doesn’t use it hours before a performance to focus. You looked at Kaiya, wondering what she was planning up her sleeves.
“Kaiya-san? [name]-san?” a soft-spoken voice interrupted, the both of you turned to see Rika, Sakusa’s personal assistant if you remembered correctly. The familiar face came to you both when you needed it, “Are you guys looking for Akaashi-san? You can follow me. I'm on the way there because my cousin needs his coffee to calm his pre-show nerves,” she rolled her eyes.
Rika nodded at the guard who let her and you both through, you smiled at them before following Rika.
“How are you, Rika-san?” you asked, taking one of her bags to carry it for her since she was holding coffee and a folder with her.
“Been better, my cousin’s being a huge headache to me because of… some things,” she shook her head as if she was shouldering the world's heaviest burdens, “How are you and Akaashi-san?”
“I’m fine—wait, what?” that caught you off-guard, it made you halt in your tracks.
“Uhm… was I wrong? Are you both not in a relationship? Kiyoomi thought you were together as well,” Rika started walking again and soon you saw more people in the hallways.
Kaiya began to cackle, “Aha! I told you it was obvious.”
“You’re not wrong, Rika-san but uhm is it really that obvious?” you start to heat up, your cheeks suddenly feeling warm.
“Well, he always has his eyes on you whenever you two are in the same room and after observing your interactions for the past years that’s what I concluded. If it’s a secret, I’m sure a lot of people don’t have a clue, this lot isn’t very observant after all,” Rika shrugged, “Anyways! This is the main sitting area, further back are the dressing rooms. The guys just got ready so they must be just lounging around somewhere alone, they’re all doing their pre-show rituals most likely.”
The both of you thanked Rika and you handed her bag back as she went on ahead mumbling about having to practically play hide and seek with how difficult Sakusa would be to find. Kaiya linked her arm with yours and dragged you once again to find the dressing room with Keiji’s name on it.
Once you both were in front of the door, Kaiya began her incessant knocking that is sure to give Keiji confusion and a headache all at once knowing his staff would never make such a ruckus, “I have a delivery for an Akaashi Keiji,” she was snickering in between her words while you shook your head at her antics.
It wasn’t long before the door opened and you were greeted with the sight of Keiji ladled with accessories he wouldn’t usually put on in day-to-day life, such as stud earrings you were really liking the look of. You looked up at him only to see his eyes which were decorated with a brownish hue on the lids that were already on yours. Perhaps Rika did have a point.
“[name],” he said breathlessly and was already holding your free hand that wasn’t being clutched by the other Akaashi on your side.
“I’m here too! You’re welcome!” Kaiya exclaimed, pulling you back so Keiji wouldn’t successfully get a hold of you.
“Hi Kaiya,” Keiji smiled at his sister, still not letting go of you too. Kaiya eyed that action and then looked up at her older brother who was looking at her blankly. Kaiya and you could both tell that Keiji was trying to tell her sister to leave, you were holding back your full-on grin.
“I accept thanks in the form of cash,” Kaiya patted your forearm before pushing you towards Keiji’s chest, the latter caught you in time and pulled you closer.
“Check your account after the show,” was Keiji’s only reply before bringing you inside and shutting the door.
“I feel as if your relationship has been turning transactional over the years,” you comment, finally letting out your laugh at the siblings’ antics. Kaiya meant well, of course, the monetary things were just a bonus. You looked around the room, spotting a guitar in the middle of the room and the mirrors on the walls which immediately caught your eye. A black settee was against the wall and a small glass table was on the side.
“I think she still holds a grudge against me for ‘taking you away’,” Keiji raises a hand to tuck loose strands of your hair behind your ear, “Because I was never sorry about it.”
His words gave you that fluttery feeling in your stomach that you’ve learned to become used to whenever you were around him, “Poor Kaiya,” you reached out a hand to cup his cheek, he buried his face in your hand and placed a feather-light kiss on your palm.
Keiji talked to you with his eyes, it was a question and a request all at once. You bit your lower lip as you observed his plump, gloss-stained one's part. Suddenly, it was all too suffocating and difficult to breathe if you didn't lean your face against his and capture the oxygen you badly needed. It seems he was thinking the same thing because he started leaning closer to you as if the urge to be nearer couldn’t be subdued.
But before he could relieve both of your longings, you took a step back, blinking and urging your senses to come back to normal, “You just got ready,” the staff’s best interest in mind.
Akaashi tilted his head to the side, that hazy look back in his eyes, “It can be fixed,” he held both of your arms in his grasp, caressing them in a way to ease and comfort you.
“Your stylist will hate me,” you pointed out, yet you were engrossed with the way he pulled you towards the couch. You had a slight feeling you were being tricked in order for Akaashi to get what he wanted at this particular moment, which was the same thing you were depriving yourself of.
Keiji sat down and his hands went down to your upper leg and gently nudged so you followed down, the plush of your thighs settled on his. You internally scold yourself for giving in, he knows all of your weak points, one of them was how you could be easily distracted by him, “I’ll take the scolding, my love.”
Your arms were wrapped around his neck, you tugged on the hair on his nape as you let your breath tangle with his. He was intoxicating, did he know he was intoxicating? Your eyes fluttered to a close because you couldn’t take it anymore and pressed your lips against his, he let out a satisfied groan on the back of his throat. You took in the woody scent of his cologne, the silken texture of his hair, and the pillowy almost velvet feel of his lips on yours. You should really be thinking of the consequences of your actions and the amount of people who will be burdened after this ordeal, yet, right now you could only enjoy the searing heat of his skin igniting with yours.
You felt one of his hands that held a grip on your thighs climb to your waist, he tugged on the material of your shirt before sliding his hand underneath. It elicited a small gasp from you which he took as an opportunity to slip his tongue inside your mouth.
That was when your phone started to ring to an all too familiar tune, in a daze you pulled away from him, much to his opposition, “That’s Kaiya calling,” you say, leaning your forehead on his.
Akaashi took your phone out from your pocket before putting it on the side, “She can manage to wait for a few more seconds,” he said, placing soft kisses on your cheeks and eventually capturing your lips in his.
You laughed at his reasoning before losing yourself in him once again, his hand was splayed on your stomach, caressing your skin. He pulled away and pecked you on the lips once more before leaving a trail of kisses on your jaw. You feel his teeth nip on your skin and a shiver runs over your spine.
The sudden opening of the door and a shriek made you freeze.
“Oh my!”
“Agh, my eyes!”
Akaashi’s reflexes were faster and more alert as he flipped you over so he would be hiding you from the door, he knew how you would be feeling uncomfortable with eyes on you and you were grateful his first thought was to shield you from further embarrassment. You glanced at his state, his messy hair and the stain on his lips smudged. You took it upon yourself to start fixing his appearance by wiping the sides of his mouth since it was your fault.
Keiji started straightening his clothes and patting down his hair as you did the same before he faced his parents and sister. You looked over his shoulder to see his mother frozen and you winced. Your heart started to race and not in the nice way Keiji made you feel, Keiji noticed this change in your demeanor as well and you felt him place his hand on yours in an effort to calm you down.
“This was probably why Kaiya was calling you,” Keiji mumbled under his breath, it was an effort to make the atmosphere lighter for you. He gave you a small smile before urging you to stand up. Keiji faced his parents and his sister who were all standing by the door, Kaiya was exaggeratingly fanning their mother who still wasn’t moving, with your hand still in his, he claimed, “[name] and I are dating, we have been for a few years now.”
A brief silence went over the room and it felt like an eternity for you when it was actually just a few seconds. Keiji’s father broke the smothering quietness.
“I knew it! You owe me, honey,” his father said with a loud cackle, his hand splayed out to Keiji’s mother beside him, “I told you our son’s feelings for dear [name] weren’t one-sided!”
“No!” their mother unfroze and put her hands in her palms.
You and Keiji were confused, even Kaiya stilled from her place.
“You bet on this happening?” Keiji asked, pulling you closer to his side so your nerves would rest.
“No, my son, your mother thought that you and [name] weren’t dating yet and that you were only pining for her while I said you both were already in a relationship. I had faith in you, son, I knew you had a backbone,” his father laughed in delight once more and swung an arm over his mother’s shoulders.
“We saw a picture of [name] in your room when we stayed at your penthouse a few months ago,” his mother tried to explain, hitting his father on the chest.
You recalled that very picture, you were wearing a sundress and were in the middle of looking back when Keiji took the picture. You were laughing and clutching your beach hat over your head in an attempt to not let the wind carry it away with the breeze. When you first saw it displayed in his room, you complained that there were a lot of better pictures of you but Keiji rebutted that this was the first one he took of you looking at him and that’s why he cherished it the most.
“Guess you guys were all worried for nothing!” Kaiya found herself and backed away from her parents, “I’d like to say that I was the original person who knew by the way, and I kept it in for so long. Not that they weren’t obvious,”
Akaashi clearly felt how you were being restless, he bent down to whisper in your ear, “Are you okay, love?”
You rub your wrist as you look up at him, “Well I’m honestly feeling a bit mortified.”
“You guys should've locked the door,” Kaiya said in a sing-song tone, “Imagine how I feel? I did not push you in this room for that . How could I possibly know you’d jump each other the moment you were left alone? I always thought you guys were rated G!”
You feel your face heating up once again and Keiji scolding his sister, “Perhaps you should go and call your stylist,” you suggest, trying to save some of your dignity.
Keiji eyes his sister and she got the hint and shuffled her parents—who were still arguing—out the door. You knew this wasn’t the end of it and a lot of explaining will have to be given to his parents (they wouldn’t leave you guys alone otherwise). With your eyes on the door, Keiji tried taking your attention by softly turning your face towards his.
“How do you feel?” he asks, smiling warmly at you.
“It’s… nice that we don’t have to hide it anymore,” you pressed your forehead on his chest, “I’m still feeling shy though.”
Keiji wrapped his arms around you and placed a soft kiss on your forehead, “How much time do you need to recover?”
“A minute and more of your hugs perhaps?” you ask, burying your face more in his chest. You should be urging him to go to his stylist already, but it wouldn’t be bad to keep him for another minute or so.
“I’m sorry they found out in an… unconventional way,” with your head pressed against his chest you could feel the rumble of his voice, the deep and lulling sound helping you calm down.
“Okay, I think I’m okay now,” you tried stepping away but he held you in your place, “Why?”
“I still need to recharge,” Keiji engulfs you in his warmth once more, “After this, it’s no more alone time. I’d have to wait another eight hours for that, so I need to get my fill now.”
Another round of silence baited and the only thing you could hear was the steady beat of his heart, it made you smile. Quiet moments with him came few and far in-between but when they did come, it felt as if the whole world was on your side and everything would always be okay.
“You’re so good to me, Keiji,” your voice cracks in the way of your emotions.
He responds by embracing you impossibly tighter, “What do you think about living together?” he drops the question, “It’s just something I’ve been thinking over, we don’t have to rush or anything but I just wanted to know what you think.”
It wouldn’t be too odd of a question, you practically spent every waking moment together whenever you both had the chance. That included staying over at each other’s places and spending most of your time together indoors. He’d love to spend more days waking up next to you, whenever you were there he felt nothing but peace and he wouldn’t mind for that feeling to stay with him for the rest of his life. The cheers of the crowd were exhilarating but the silence spent with you was more fulfilling.
“I’d love that,” you say, standing on your tiptoes and placing a kiss on his cheek.
You looked up at him under your lashes and Keiji felt that rush of intensifying feelings coming over him, his hands came to cup both of your cheeks as he placed a quick kiss on the tip of your nose, “I’d like to know of your thoughts in another matter that’s been on my mind,” he said in a hoarse voice.
“What is it?” your tone was light and airy. A few minutes from now you’ll have to give way for his staff to get him ready for the world. Right now you’d like to keep him to yourself, the world can wait.
“What do you think about marriage?”
HEADLINE:
Ikarus’ lead vocalist Akaashi Keiji announces he’s married!
leia @keijisrealgf
I WAS SIMPING FOR A MARRIED MAN?????
4:20 PM · Jun 23 20XX
pia @ikarusavedme
not even a girlfriend or an engagement.. but MARRIAGE
4:18 PM · Jun 23 20XX
kei @menexceptikarus
he always gave family man vibes not surprised ngl
4:27 PM · Jun 23 20XX