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It has been a year since the rightful Queen took her seat on the Iron Throne. The realm has known nothing but prosperity and peace ever since. All enemies had been defeated and there wasn’t a Lord left in all the Seven Kingdoms that hadn’t pledged for Queen Rhaenyra.

At last, the royal family settled back into King’s Landing with reluctance. That place brought no happy memories for any of them, nor did it feel like home. But it was theirs now. The greens were completely vanished, no trace of the Hightower’s claw marks left behind. Otto Hightower had been beheaded as a traitor, while his daughter, the former Queen Alicent, was imprisoned until the last of her days. This fragment of mercy was shown to her due to the regard that Rhaenyra once held her in.

With her entire family gone, Helaena decided to leave King’s Landing, after Jacaerys argued feverishly for her freedom. Helaena and Jaehaera were innocents, caught in the middle of a war they did not wish to take part in. Jace felt terribly guilty for Helaena’s loss of her son, and he could feel the bitter resentment his aunt felt for his family. His mother agreed to allow her sister to take her daughter and leave. If it was from guilt, or understanding of a mother’s pain, Jace couldn’t be sure, and neither did he care, as long as the two of them were free to make their own choices from then on, to flee from the source of their torment.

They still mourned the loss of Lucerys. Jace didn’t think it could ever go away—the pain. But it got easier. The thought of getting justice for Luke’s death helped ease the guilt enough to allow Jacaerys to sleep most nights. His life was filled with responsibilities, now that they were in charge of the fate of the Seven. He was the heir of every choice his mother made, so she insisted on him assisting her in everything. It was tiring, but also surprisingly thrilling. Jacaerys felt like a man, being treated with the same respect and consideration as any other lord. He knew he earned it with his restless effort in the war; he proved himself, but it still took him quite a while to realize it sometimes.

He and Baela didn’t marry yet. It was Jacaerys’s choice, which his mother respected, considering she wasn’t given the privilege of that when she was his age. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to marry Baela; he did. He knew it was his duty, and she would make a fine queen; he was sure of that. And he knew they would get along, just like his mother and father, Laenor, once did, not quite in love but still full of love and respect for each other. Baela was his friend, and they knew they couldn’t be more. That wasn’t the problem.

Jace simply wanted the comfort of being able to postpone, to indulge himself in the feeling that tomorrow was certain to come, and they could marry at any given time in the forseeable future. The war brought so much insecurity and uncertainty—the fear of death—to their doorstep. That was one of the reasons he refused to marry Baela before the war was over—he couldn’t be sure whether or not he might return home to her. He refused to leave her a widow. Then he wished to wait just because he could, because he had the privilege of it. They were safe, he tried to convince himself at night.

But he couldn’t delay it forever. People were growing impatient with him. His mother’s council and his family were both pushing him to take action and secure his position as heir. As soon as he was married and started producing heirs, he would secure his bloodline further. Truth be told, Baela wasn’t entirely pleased by the prospect of being seen as only a means to an end, as an heir producer. Jacaerys didn’t see her like this, he knew she was a fighter, but their duties asked things of them that they had to sacrifice. Oh, and how Jace knew of sacrifice.

Eventually, they agreed to set a date for their wedding. In one moon’s time, the celebration would begin. A week worth of celebrating, his mother had said, alongside the finest of lords and ladies gathered from all corners of the Seven Kingdoms. On this occasion, the Queen would officially announce Jacaerys’s claim to the throne after her, and the Lords of the Seven, who once swore for his mother, would swear to him and Baela after their union. Unofficially, everyone Jacaerys was heir, but since his naming was done on the brink of war when Rhaenyra wasn’t recognized as Queen yet, it was never made as an official proclamation. Now, with his wedding coming up, it was the perfect time for the people of the realm to swear their loyalty.

Jace agreed to all of this and only made one request to his mother before the wedding. “Let Baela and me go to the North ourselves to celebrate our upcoming union with our strongest allies. Lord Stark has been nothing but loyal, and this will show a sign of good faith in the face of honoring our Pact, once Baela and I have children.” He kept his voice even but his heart was leaping out of his chest in expectation. He needed this too much, and he was sure his mother saw right through him. But she only nodded.

“Very well, my love. You shall send Lord Stark my regards and tell him we await him and his family with open arms here in the South.” His family was only his son, Rickon—three years of age, if Jace wasn’t mistaken—and his sister, Sara Snow, a bastard. His mother couldn’t care less about that, as it would’ve been highly hypocritical of her, and neither did Jace. Family was family. Jace didn’t get to spend as much time with her or her nephew during his time in the North, but he remembered her to be kind and calm, as opposed to the sharp edges of her brother.

Jace nodded as well, taking this victory as calmly as he could, trying his best not to reveal the extent of the need and want he felt curling his insides. He left the room when he felt the discussion had come to an end. Once he was in the hallway, he took his first real breath. His lungs were grateful for it, but his heart didn’t cease beating like it was in a race.

What Jacaerys was trying to deny himself almost every night were thoughts of the northerner that plagued his entire being. If he could close his eyes tight enough, he could almost pretend he was next to him, see him as clearly as day. He lived in the safety of Jacaerys’ mind and heart, bringing him to the edge of desperation almost every time he allowed himself to stop and remember. Even the memory of Cregan’s touch on his skin was like fire. He thought he might actually melt the entire ice Wall in the North when Cregan touched him again. If Cregan ever touched him again.

It has been a year since they last saw each other. He couldn’t possibly know if the other man ever even thought of him at all. Only the thought was heartbreaking in itself. What if Cregan forgot about his promise to meet again? There were no letters in the span of this year. Jacaerys didn’t expect someone like Cregan to start writing him poetry or anything, but a simple ‘How are you?’ would have sufficed. Jace had to restrain himself from mounting Vermax and flying straight North on multiple occasions. But every time duty stopped him. Still, he wished at least Cregan hadn’t forgotten about him. There has never lived a Stark who forgot an oath, but what about an old…friend. Lover? Jacaerys couldn’t even name what they were. Friends didn’t feel enough to cover everything that they shared, but lovers felt like too much.

Lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed Baela was waiting for him in his chambers. She frowned at him upon seeing his sad demeanor.

“What happened? The Queen didn’t approve our visit?” Worry was laced into her cautious gaze.

“No, she agreed.” Jacaerys tried to reassure her.

“Then why do you look like you’ve been kicked? You get to see your…friend again.” Baela knew of Jace and Cregan's... something. Of course she knew.

One fateful night, she insisted on sneaking out to see the city.

“I want to see how King’s Landing changes at night. No one has to know. Besides, everyone sneaked out of the castle at least once, even your mother.” She had said that evening.

Jace reluctantly agreed, not wanting to let her go on her own. “I hope you do not wish to suggest we visit a brothel.” He grumbled.

She laughed, and the way her face lit up in the dark air of the night made him crack a smile too.

“Not tonight. But you do know we don’t have to wait for each other till marriage, right?” She took his uncomfortable face as disappointment, even if it wasn’t what he meant. “What I mean, Jace, is that you can sleep with whoever you want. And so do I. It is really far easier for you; you won’t have to worry about popping an heir at any time. You could sleep with women in peace and not have a worry in the world.” She tried to joke, then realized she was talking to the bastard son of a queen. “Sorry.”

He gave her a small smile. “It is alright. I agree, we are free to find pleasure anywhere, as long as we carry out our duties to each other and to the realm. It is not that which startled me. It’s just that…I had kept something from you, Baela.”

Her face fell for a second. “Do you already have a secret child?” Her frantic voice amused him for a second.

“No. No!” He reassured her. “I never slept with a woman before. But I was intimate once…with someone.” He forced himself to keep looking at her face to notice her reaction.

As realization started showing in her eyes, she said, “Was it a man?” Jacaerys nodded. Baela took in a long breath, which she let out as she punched him in the shoulder.

Jace took a step back, indignation clear on his face. “What was that for?!”

“Because you felt like you couldn’t tell me, you idiot!” She huffed a breath. “I do not care who you bed as long as you are careful. And happy. Woman, man, bear, whatsoever. But I want you to tell me things, Jace. In order for this marriage to work, we have to be united. I trust you, and you trust me. Understood?” Her voice didn’t leave room for argument, and he nodded, speechless. He did feel like an idiot then. He kept it all to himself for so long when he could have talked to Baela, who was more than happy to take some of the weight off his shoulders.

So he did talk. He told her everything. About how Cregan was the first person to help him after Luke’s death, how well he understood him. How his touches took away some of his pain. How he could ground him in a breath when he lost himself. How bravely he fought for him, and how he broke his heart as he told him duty was more important than what they had. Baela didn’t blink an eye as he talked; she wordlessly showed her support for him, and Jace knew they would be fiercely loyal to each other in their union, even without being in love.

Trying to anchor himself to the present under Baela’s careful eyes, Jacaerys dragged the words out of his mouth. “I do not know what awaits for me there.” This insecurity was dragging him down, but the need to just see Cregan again, before he was a married man. was stronger. Even if seeing him meant never touching him again.

“What better way to find out than to go and see for yourself?”

 ***

All the way in Winterfell, Cregan Stark tried, without success , to put his young child to sleep. Little Rickon cried relentlessly, refusing any attempt on his father’s behalf to try and rest. With his lip wobbly, he tried to explain with the few words he knew that he was afraid of the dark. Cregan’s heart swelled, and he tried to soothe his son’s fears with promises that he would never let anything hurt him. Only when his aunt, Sara, arrived at his bedside did little Rickon agree to close his eyes, as Sara gently kissed his forehead and lulled him to sleep.

“He needs a woman’s touch. He is young, I am not enough.” He admitted, a little defeated. He hated that his son had to grow up without a mother. Arra Norey, Cregan’s late wife, died in childbirth. He had mourned the death of his wife, who had been a close childhood friend, and didn’t hurry to find another.

“Are you thinking of taking a wife, brother?” Sara asked as she stood up from Rickon’s bedside. The two of them left the room quietly.

“I do not know. Rickon needs a mother. It is not fair to you to tend to our every need.”

His sister only raised an eyebrow. “Do not act like it is a chore for me. You are my family. I do not intend on marrying anytime soon, not that any lord would take a bastard to wife, anyway. So as long as I am here, Rick will be well taken care of.”

Guilt bottomed in his stomach. “Sara-“

“Do not tie yourself down to some Lady just because you wish to spare me. Marry for love, or not at all.” Her voice was stern but gentle at the same time.

He did love Arra. He had known her his entire life, and when they were to be married, he was only glad it was her. He had honored their union and celebrated when the news of their child was made known. She was taken too early from them. Rickon didn’t even know her. He didn’t want to bring just anyone into his son’s life to replace his mother, and truth be told, he didn’t want to marry anytime soon either. His inheritance was secured in Rickon, and he could do his duty as Warden of the North well enough as it was.

After Arra died, he didn’t bed anyone for a long time out of respect for her. Then it had only been a few women, on nights when the loneliness got to him. But he never felt that closeness to anyone. Until…Jacaerys. His name still tasted sweet in his mouth. The young prince won over his favor as soon as he set foot in Winterfell, with his wind swept dark curls and curious and defiant brown eyes. But when they first truly talked, after the news of Prince Lucerys' death, did Jace also win his heart. The way he let himself be vulnerable had made Cregan’s heart break for him. Then the prince showed up at his door with a sinful look in his eyes and a request to help him forget, and Cregan truly could not refuse such a pretty face.

After Jace, no one could compare. Cregan didn’t even bother to try. Jace and him didn’t even fuck that night, but Cregan didn’t need to know how it feels to be inside of Jace to be completely and utterly captivated by his entire being. He had hoped at first that it was the thrill of the night, of the war, and that after returning successful in the North, he could leave Prince Jacaerys behind. But he was only lying to himself, trying to deny how his chest ached when he thought of how he turned his back on him.

Sara’s eyes spoke more words than her mouth, and Cregan could tell that she knew what had occupied his thoughts. She had always been observant. She cleared her throat. “A raven came in earlier.” He was glad for the change of subject, until she continued. “From King’s Landing. Prince Jacaerys and his betrothed, Baela Targaryen, are traveling north to spread news of their upcoming wedding and celebrate between our houses. The prince wants you to know that he didn’t forget your pact.”

Cregan sighed. Oh, sweet Jacaerys. The reminder of their Pact of Ice and Fire warmed him on the inside, but it was quickly replaced by the realization of what Sara had just said before. Their upcoming wedding. He knew that Jace had been betrothed and would eventually have to marry Lady Baela. But the royal wedding had been delayed so much that a spark of treacherous hope glinted in Cregan that maybe the betrothal had been called off. But now, the wedding was happening, and Jace was coming North to tell him himself.

“Very well.” He managed to say it through his teeth. “Let the preparations begin, then. Celebrations are in order.”

He didn’t have a right to be mad about it. To be jealous. Jacaerys wasn’t his, and he specifically told the prince they could not carry on with their affections. He chose duty. But Jace never left his heart. Not one second.

 ***

The approach of two dragons was not something easy to ignore. His people were beginning to grow uneasy, and Cregan had to remind them they were welcoming a Prince of the Realm and his future bride. But he had to admit, having two dragons in his home wasn’t an exactly pleasant thought.

Sara joined him at his side, with Rickon on her hip. The boy's eye grew wide at the two figures that were getting closer and closer, and at first Cregan thought it was in fear, but he quickly realized it was something more like fascination that washed over his son’s features.

The two dragonriders landed their beasts further from the entrance to the courtyard, which Cregan was grateful for. As the two royals approached the gate, a voice boomed over the noise: “Prince Jacaerys Velaryon, Prince of Dragonstone and Heir to the Iron Throne, and Lady Baela Targaryen, his betrothed.”

Cregan stood there as they entered, face forward and posture fixed, his hands kept behind his back. He first looked at Lady Baela, just because he was trying to stall the moment he inevitably had to face Jace. The Lady made a face, clearly not pleased with being referred to only as Jace’s betrothed. She had that dragonfire in her, Cregan had heard, just like Jace.

Jace, who was now walking towards him, head held high, looking every bit like the future King he was. His strides were confident, and his eyes didn’t betray anything as he stopped in front of Cregan and Sara.

The northerners bowed their heads. “My prince.” Cregan started, indulging himself to look at Jacaerys for a second longer than necessarily. He was a sight to be taken in. Over the course of the year, they hadn’t seen each other Jace had grown into a young man more, with his shoulders a bit wider and jaw a bit more defined. He was truly breathtaking. “Lady Baela,” he continued, ripping his gaze from the prince. “This is my sister, Sara Snow, and my son, Rickon.” He gestured toward his family, looking at Baela. “His Grace surely remembers them.” He didn’t look at Jace as he said this.

“It is my pleasure, Lord Stark, Lady Sara. And especially, Rickon.” Lady Baela smiled brightly at his son as he giggled. If Cregan ever wanted to hate her for being the one to marry Jace, from this one gesture of tenderness towards his son, he knew he couldn’t. She was good for Jace, he realized.

“Lord Stark.” Jace’s voice was as he remembered it, when he used to whisper sweet things in his ear and beg him to have him, all of him. “Thank you for having us. Your generosity is most appreciated.” Jace continued as he patted Rickon on the head, which made the boy smile at him. He tried to say the prince’s name, but it came out more like “Genesis” than “Jacaerys”. The prince only laughed, and Cregan’s heart clenched.

“Let us go inside, have a cup of ale in celebration of the prince’s return to the North.”

He started for the main hall, and his sister and his guests followed. The prince refused the drink, but Lady Baela was more than happy for it after a long time of flying. Jace raised an eyebrow at her, and she only shrugged.

Jace then turned towards Cregan and cleared his throat. “We come bearing good news. Our wedding celebrations will start right after the next moon. I insisted that I bring these news to the North myself, considering the tight bond that the war forged between our houses. The bond we sustained, my Lord.” He said the last part quieter, and Cregan almost saw a hint of sadness in his eyes.

He didn’t know how much Jace had thought of his days in the North. If Cregan had such an impact on the prince as the prince had on him. He knew Jace would understand what he meant when he left a year ago. Who would know of duty more than an heir to the throne? He assumed Jace wouldn’t take it personal and would move on and carry out his role as prince. But he came here. He had to want something, and Cregan wasn’t sure he could provide it.

“A great celebration is in need, of course, my prince.” His sweet prince. “The North welcomed you and your bride. You bring honor to us by coming here and gracing us with your presence in such an important part of your regency. Every night we shall drink till your departure.” He raised his glass and drowned it, trying to numb the discomfort he felt in his heart with alcohol.

Jacaerys looked down, almost disappointed, and Cregan wanted nothing more than to drag the prince out of here and demand answers. Why would he put him in such torment? Didn’t he know the pure sight of him made Cregan ache? He wanted to kiss him senseless until that look forever disappeared from the prince’s eyes. He truly was a gone man.

“Your hospitality joys us, my lord.” Lady Baela provided, seeing the distress in her betrothed. Maybe they truly were a better match than Cregan allowed himself to believe.

 ***

“Stop being so distressed.” Baela commented from her place on his bed. Their hosts prepared them separate rooms, to disencourage them from losing their maidenhead before marriage, he thought. Or maybe Cregan didn’t like the thought of them sleeping in the same bed under his roof. No, that was dangerous territory, to go down that line of thought.

“It’s like he is a complete stranger.” Jace was pacing the room. They had to go to dinner with the whole court in celebration of their union, but his thoughts were everywhere. He had to pull himself together.

“A year passed, Jace.” Baela’s voice was gentle this time. “Maybe he doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to open up and talk about your relationship in front of his whole court.” She gave him a pointed look. She was right. Jace hated when she was right. If he wanted to talk to Cregan, he had to go to him when he was alone.

The hall was loud when he and Baela descended. They were welcomed by cheers, and Jacaerys nodded at the Lords he passed as he made his way towards the table at the front, overlooking the rest of the room. Cregan was in the middle, with his sister at his side and a few lords that were closer to him. Jace recognized them from the battles they fought together. On Cregan’s other side were two empty chairs: one for Jace, one for Baela. He swallowed as they approached. Baela gave him a little push, to make sure he was the one sitting right next to Cregan.

As he took his seat, Cregan only nodded at them in regard.

“What a beautiful night it is, don’t you think, Lord Stark?” Baela asked, leaning on the table a little, to look at Cregan over Jace.

“Beautiful, indeed.” The lord admitted, and Jace could swear he saw his eyes drift for a second to Jace as he said it. Then, he rose from his seat and spoke loudly as silence filled the hall. His presence was truly imposing. “Tonight, we celebrate in joy the return of Prince Jacaerys to the North, this time accompanied by his wife to be, Lady Baela the Brave.” Jace noticed how Balea’s smile widened at the nickname she got due to her courage in battle. “House Stark, as well as House Cerwyn and House Dustin,” he gestured to the two lords at his table, “fought bravely alongside these courageous dragonriders and are now honored to have them in their home in the face of such good news.” He paused and raised his glass. “To the future of the Seven Kingdoms.”

As Cregan took his seat, Jace rose. He knew he had to make a speech himself, as was expected. “Your words and hospitality move us, Lord Stark. We wished to share our joy and cherish the last moments before our wedding, celebrating with our stongest, most loyal allies in the North. Lord Cerwyn. Lord Dustin, your support and fierceness were not forgotten. The North remembers, as I was informed.” Laughs erupt around him, and he smiles. He feels Cregan’s eyes on him, but he continues without looking at him. “To you, brave and strong men and women.” Everyone around him raised their glasses again, and Jacaerys drank his wine as he sat back down, grateful for the bitter taste.

Dancing started in the middle of the room, and he could feel Baela get restless. She didn’t need to say a word before he knew what she wanted to do. “We only just got here and you already want to dance. At least eat something before. And no, before you ask, I am not dancing with you.”

“How could you possibly know that’s what I wanted to say?” She feigns indignation as she drags a piece of meat to her mouth, but her eyes keep glancing at the dancers.

Jace laughed softly. Before he could open his mouth, Baela beat him to it. “And why, I ask, would you refuse my proposal to dance, that I didn’t even get to propose?”

“I’ll save it for the wedding. I am sure enough lords would fancy a dance with the future queen.”

Baela batted her eyes sweetly around Jace. “Lord Stark, would you fancy a dance then, if my future husband is so adamant on melting into his chair?”

Jace gave her a pointed look, to which she responded with a grin. She was trying to rile him up.

“You must forgive me, my lady. I am not much of a dancer.” Cregan’s deep voice sent shivers down Jace’s spine.

“Jace here is a great dancer.” Baela countered. “You used to love to dance. And ladies used to love you dancing.” This was directed at Jace. “Do you remember the last dinner with King Viserys? You and Helaena danced lovely together.”

“How could I forget. I wanted to punch Aegon in the teeth that night.” answered Jace as he sipped more wine. This intrigued Cregan as he raised his eyebrows.

“How come?” he inquired, getting closer, causing the back of Jace’s neck to redden.

Baela was the one to answer. “Aegon just learned about our betrothal and made cruel comments. Jace almost lost his temper, but he gathered himself quickly.” She laughed at the memory. “He had to punch Aegon’s shoulder to keep himself from punching his face. Then he asked his wife to dance, and you should’ve seen Aegon’s face.”

“I didn’t do it to rile him up!” Jace defended himself, but the Lord of the North only raised a corner of his mouth in response. “That piece of trash was a terrible husband, Helaena deserved at least one gentleman treating her to a dance.”

Cregan’s eyes were soft on him, and Jace just. melted. Baela hummed. “I agree. Well, my lord, in Jace’s defense, he did not end up punching Aegon that night. Just Aemond.” Jace groaned.

“If I dance with you, will we stop reminiscing about my juvenile attempts at violence?”

Baela took one last sip of her wine and got up from the table. “I never said I wanted to dance with you.” And with that, she left, making her way through the crowd of dancing northerners.

“I told you, my prince, you have that fire in you.” Cregan didn’t look at him then, his eyes were somewhere distant.

“In my defense, I was provoked.” He tried his best attempt at a smile.

“How?”

“Aemond was a bitter person. He called us strong boys. I dared him to say it again.” Jace felt a little uncomfortable talking about this with Cregan, considering they haven’t talked about anything else since his arrival. But talking to him was so easy he just couldn’t find it in himself to stop.

“Then he got what was coming for him.” He had a feeling he didn’t just mean that one weak punch Jace managed to land on his jaw.

“My Lord.” Jace began but didn’t know how to continue. What did he want to say? Why are you avoiding me? Why are you distant? Why are you locking your heart away from me when all I want to do is hold it in my hand? But he said nothing. He couldn’t. Not here.

He kept his head low as he felt a hand, a big, strong hand, caress his knee. His head snapped, but Cregan wasn’t looking at him, he was now engrossed in a conversation with Lord Cerwyn. Jace didn’t dare cast his eyes under the table to check for sure if Cregan’s hand was really on his knee or if he was imagining it, in fear of it disappearing. He didn’t move, just continued eating and watched as Baela gracefully danced ahead of him.

He almost dropped his fork as the hand crept up his leg, now squeezing his thigh. He almost moaned at the contact. He missed Cregan’s hands on him, the feeling of being worshiped by his gaze. He was an heir to the throne, but he was losing it over the touch of a hand? He truly was gone for this man. This stubborn man who refused to acknowledge what had been between them but couldn’t hold his hands to himself even when surrounded by so many people. This was a dangerous game they were playing, but Jacaerys didn’t have it in himself to care. He was a weak man for Cregan Stark.

He suddenly caught the end of a question directed at him. “Don’t you think, my prince?” Said Lord Cerwyn.

“Pardon?” Jace responded, his voice a little higher than he wanted.

“Lord Cerwyn was saying that the weather was favorable for a hunt tomorrow.” Cregan clarified for him, a challenge in his eyes as his hand continued to go up his leg. Jacaerys forced his breath to keep from hitching. It was a challenge to either push his hand away and stop this madness or endure this temptation.

He, of course, chose the second option.

“I am afraid I am no expert in the weather. Or hunting.” He was doing a decent job of keeping his voice even.

“You do not hunt in King’s Landing?” asked a confused Lord Dustin.

“I am afraid that hunting has never been one of my priorities.” Seven hells, if Cregan’s hand reached any higher, he would find out just how hard he was making him right now.

“Then how did you occupy your time, my prince?”

“Growing up, I divided my time between training my dragon and learning High Valyrian. Both very important for a future king. Now I assist my mother in counsel, she wishes me to be implicated in the realm’s affairs in order to prepare me for when I ascend the throne.” His voice came out a little breathy at the end, but he was sure no one noticed. No one but Cregan, of course, who wasn’t even trying to contain his smirk right now.

“I couldn’t imagine taming a beast like a dragon.”

“I couldn’t imagine hunting beasts in the woods, but here we are. Now, if you will excuse me, I think I shall go out and take a breath of fresh air. I will let you know how the weather is.” With that, Jace got up, letting Cregan’s hand fall unnoticed.

As soon as the cold air of the night hit him, he could breathe. His skin felt too hot, which wasn’t something usual for the North. He was definitely hard in his pants, courtesy to Cregan’s little game. What did he even want from him?

“Isn’t it a little cold for you outside, my prince? I know you are a little sensitive to the weather in Winterfell.” Cregan’s voice broke the silence of the courtyard. Jace slowly turned. He came after him. That thought alone made him feel warm. And confused. Then angry.

“What do you want from me?” He suddenly snapped at the other man.

Cregan’s brow furrowed as he came closer to Jace, almost breathing the same air, but not nearly close enough. “I was under the impression that you showed up at my home. I think I could ask you the same question.”

Jace laughed humorlessly. “I am sorry my visit is such an offense to you.”

“No word for a year, and now you come to tell me about your wedding that I will be anyway forced to attend. No, my prince, I am sorry.”

“You are the one who said that our duties force us to do things that we do not wish for. Now you are mad at me for doing my duty?”

“I am not mad at you for doing your duty, I am mad that you have to come and rub it in my face!” Cregan raised his voice, anger swimming in his eyes as his control slipped.

“How do I rub it in your face?” Jace’s own voice was a combination of tired and angry.

“You come here and parade your future bride, and expect me to clap and dance like it isn’t tearing me apart. Your being here is torment, you are a walking temptation that I must resist, and you are doing nothing to help me.”

“This is you resisting it? You put your hands on me under the dinner table, and yet you are the one who gets mad about me tempting you? You don’t make any sense, Cregan!” He realized he hadn’t pronounced his name in so long, and it still tasted so sweet on his lips, even when angry. “You told me big words about honor and duty and left without a second glance and just an empty promise that we would see each other again, and yet no word from you in a year. And when I finally gather my courage to come here and see you, you act like this, and I am expected to feel bad because I torment you with my presence?” He laughed again. “You forgot about me-“

Cregan reached and grabbed a handful of Jace’s cloak and brought him forward, closer to him. “Do not dare say I forgot you.” He growled. “When I spent every day thinking of you. When I haven’t touched a body in all these months because the thought of you was enough to keep me satisfied until we had met again. Do not dare suggest I am not utterly undone by your presence alone when I was gasping for air just at the sight of you. You drive me fucking insane. You make me lose control. If you remained a second longer at that table I would’ve been tempted to bend you over it and fuck you in front of the entire court, consequences be damned.”

Jace was left breathless by that admission. He was also incredibly aroused at the thought of Cregan losing control like that and fucking him senseless.

“Then do it.” He whispered confidently. “Fuck me. Until I am a married man, so that you won’t feel like dishonoring me.”

Cregan only leaned closer. “Jacaerys, what I want to do to you lacks the word honor completely.” His name in Cregan’s mouth sounded delicious, and he just wanted to hear it over and over again.

“I don’t care. I haven’t touched a person since you, either. Baela and I agreed that we could both find our pleasure anywhere. There is no one I would give myself, but you.” The last sentence came out quiet, a truth he was afraid of.

“But I do care. I am a man of my honor. I cannot afford to lose control with you again. This was a mistake.” He let go of Jacaerys and stepped back. “Find someone else to warm your bed, Jace. I will not be the one to stain your marriage.”

Jace was taken aback by that. “This is what you think this is? Me looking for a warm bed and a quick fuck? That I just want to make you my whore?” Anger swept through him again. He shook his head. “Incredible.”

He stormed off at that and went back into the dining hall. He took his seat again and smiled politely at the Lords. He answered any questions in his way and tried to make himself as pleasant as possible. After a short while, Cregan rejoined them as well, but he didn’t spare Jace a second glance that night. When Baela returned, tired after so much dancing, he answered her questioning look with a quiet “Later.” The night didn’t get any better than that.

 ***

The next morning wasn’t any easier. Baela wanted to see the north for herself and left Jace with a pointed look after telling him that both he and Cregan were imbeciles and she was not going to get in between whatever it was of them now.

So Jace found himself wandering through the courtyard alone. Sara caught his eye as she was running after a giggling Rickon. Jace smiled to himself, but his smile dropped as the little boy fell on his knees. His lower lip wobbled, and he started crying. Sara rushed to him, but Jace was closer. He kneeled next to the boy and offered him a hand. The little one looked at him curiously through tears.

“It is alright, little one. Let me help you.”

Rickon put his little hand in Jace’s and let himself be pulled to his feet. Jace remained in his kneeling position and ruffled the boys hair just as Sara reached them.

“Rickon! What did I tell you about running from me?” She said breathlessly, then kneeled next to Jace to wipe the boys’ tears.

“Papa-“ Rickon managed that one word and then burst into tears again. “Papa said no cry when fall.”

“Well, your papa has emotional issues, so I wouldn’t listen to him on that.” Jacaerys wiped a tear away, just like Sara did. “You can cry, you are allowed to. If even old men who rule kingdoms cry sometimes, then little boys definitely can.”

“That I can’t argue with.” Sara laughed, and Jace flashed a smile at her. “You have a way with kids.”

“I have four-“ Jace stopped himself, “three little brothers. I had to pick them up after falling more times than I can count. And what all of them learned, Rickon, is that it doesn’t matter if you fall or how many times you do, it matters that you get up. Regardless of any tears or any help from anyone. You get up.”

The little boy nodded solemnly, then gave Jace a wide grin. The prince rose to his feet and gave Sara a hand to help her up as well, one that she accepted gratefully. “And good boys listen to their aunts.” Sara laughed again. She looked a lot like Cregan, Jace noticed. Same dark hair, same wolfish grin. It was oddly comforting, but it also saddened the prince. They at least bore similarities to each other, while he and his youngest brothers barely even looked related.

“If you excuse me, Lady Sara, I have to go look for my betrothed.

“My prince.” She bowed her head and took Rickon’s hand to go back inside.

 ***

That night's celebration didn’t even feel like a celebration. The northerners were still happily dancing, but Cregan was still happily ignoring him, and that made Jace wonder why he was even here anymore? He knew the answer. A stupid part of him still hoped that maybe he could convince Cregan to let his guard down with him again. Last night was a start, even if it meant angering him to let him put out this pathetic attempt at indifference, it was something. Cregan’s control slipped, and he admitted things he couldn’t take back. He thought of Jace daily. He said he was undone by him. Jace made him lose control. Maybe if he annoyed him enough, Cregan would admit he was in love with him or something.

Risking a glance at his left, Cregan was now an expert at the ‘Ignoring Jace’ game. He even talked to Baela, and he quite literally had to look through Jace to do so. His teeth were hurting because of how tightly he clenched his jaw. If Cregan annoyed him enough, Jace would punch a wall.

“Stop that.” Baela hissed at him.

“What?” He snapped.

“That face. Stop it. We are supposed to celebrate.”

“I am celebrating, can’t you see what a good mood I am in?” She looked a breath away from rolling her eyes.

“Martha! More wine!” Cregan called from beside him, and a servant girl appeared in a heartbeat at his side, holding a big canister of alcohol. She leaned far too close to Cregan than he personally thought was needed to pour some wine, but whatever.

“Do you need anything else, my Lord?” The girl asked too sweetly, her breasts practically in Cregan’s face.

“Not now, Martha. But maybe later. I will call for you.” Cregan smirked at her with a grin that didn’t suit him and pinched her waist. He fucking pinched her fucking waist. The servant girl left giggling, and before Jace could control himself, he rose to his feet angrily.

Suddenly, a few pairs of eyes looked at him curiously and worriedly. But not Cregan. No, he was slowly sipping his wine. Jace took a deep breath and thought about how to explain this sudden outburst. Baela was quicker, as she came up with an excuse. “Lady Sara, my betrothed was just telling me how much he desires to dance at last. But I am afraid my feet are aching after so much dancing on my own. Would you mind accompanying him? I would feel a lot better knowing you make sure he doesn’t step anyone on their toes.”

Sara smiled slightly. “Of course, my lady." She got up and offered Jace her hand, and he was grateful for the escape from the table.

Problem was now they really had to dance. The truth was, Jace really wasn’t bad at dancing. He always cared about music and the arts as a child, more than swords and crafts. This was something that had to be drilled into him, another responsibility on the never ending list. So he was a good dancer, charming enough, but he really didn’t want to. He also really didn’t want to make a fool out of Sara and leave her alone on the dance floor, so he gave her one dance.

“Were you angry about my brother?” She asked suddenly.

Jace almost tripped. “What gave you the impression I was angry?”

Sara laughed “I was there, you know? I saw the scene unfolding. I noticed he was pointedly not talking to you, then he indulged the servant girl and made a fool of himself in front of you in the process. He can be stubborn sometimes when he wants to prove a point.”

“And what point might he want to prove?”

“That he doesn’t care about you. Which I think you and I both know it is false. But he lives by honor, and when he thinks he did something wrong, he punishes himself. This is, I believe, his way of punishing himself for leading you astray. He probably thinks he is at fault for everything that went bad between the two of you, and refusing himself you is the most painful way in which he can chastize himself.”

Jacaerys stopped in his tracks. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I know my brother. And I know how difficult he can be, but he cares about you. I may be quiet, but I notice things. The way he looks at you…it is clearly that now he is beating himself by turning you away.”

He took a deep breath. “Do you really believe that?”

She nodded. “I also believe that you do not give up without a fight. Don’t let him push you away. I don't want him to destroy all the good parts of his life.”

 
***

Sara’s words rang in his ears. Refusing himself you is the most painful way in which he can chastize himself. That stubborn, beautiful, enraging man. How could Jace even walk away from him? Even with his stupid attempts at making Jace give up, he couldn’t.

He gathered all his courage and went straight to Cregan’s chambers. He was almost at the door when it suddenly opened, revealing not Cregan, but the servant girl from earlier. His heart dropped in his stomach as the girl, shocked at his presence, bowed her head quickly and disappeared into the hallway.

Anger flowed through his veins once again, a recurring feeling during his visit in the North, as it seems. He pushed open the door and slamed it, not caring if his mother could hear it, all the way to King’s Landing. Cregan was sitting on his bed, without a shirt, looking confused, surprised, then offended that Jace had entered his quarters in such a way.

“Care to say why you are damaging my door, my prince? Did the hinges do anything to you personally?”

“Did you fuck her?”

Cregan raised a brow and omitted the question, which boiled Jace’s blood further. “My sister’s chambers are a little further down the hall, my prince.”

For a moment, he was so confused that he forgot to be angry. “What?”

“Do not think your attempts at gaining my sister’s favor have gone unnoticed.” His voice was cold, and Jacaerys suddenly remembered how to be angry.

“My attempts- You mean me being nice? I’m sorry not everyone grunts and frowns at everything, Cregan.”

“You refuse a dance from your own betrothed, yet you ask one of my sister.” He was annoyingly calm, and Jace just wanted to punch him.

“It’s a good thing I didn’t pinch her fucking waist then. You have no right.” He pointed at him angrily. “You talk about honor, but you touch me one night, then fuck a maid the next.”

“Why do you even care who I fuck?” asked Cregan as he finally rose to his feet, anger starting to show on his features as well.

“Because I came all the way here to see you, and you are putting in your best efforts to send me back. Do you honestly want me to hate you?”

“Yes! It would be a lot easier if you could just get the fucking hint and leave.”

“I don’t believe you want me to leave.” Jace kept his head high.

“Why would you believe that?”

“Because I talked to Sara. She knows you well. You think you are tainting me, don’t you? That if you keep up this charade and I hate you, I will leave and never look back? Well, I can’t.” The fight was slowly draining out of him.

“Why can’t you?” Cregan asked, feigning casualness, and Jacaerys just exploded.

“Because I love you, you imbecile! Because I flew here to see you, knowing full damn well that if you said, ‘Don’t get married’ I would have considered it, regardless of our duties.”

“That’s why you should stop.”

Jace laughed humorlessly. “You think I haven’t tried? That I am not fucking mad at myself for it when you keep up with this? When you fuck other people-“

“I didn’t. I should’ve. Gods know only then might I have been able to get you out of my head. But I couldn’t even touch her. I sent her away immediately.” That was…a relief. Now Jace felt less stupid for loving this exasperating man. “But I still can’t give you what you want, Jacaerys. I stand by what I said, we can’t be. And if it takes for you to hate me to stay away and focus on your throne, then that is something I can live with.”

“Well, I can’t live with it. Because I think you love me too.” He tried to keep his voice from cracking. “And that is exactly why you keep trying to turn me away. You think you are doing me a favor, but you’re not. You are tormenting me, and I am begging you to stop.”

“I am no good for you, Jacaeeys.” Cregan’s eyes were sad.

“Do you love me?” He asked steadily.

“I can’t.”

"Yes, you can. Answer me. At least tell me this. I need to know, Cregan. I need to know if I am alone in this torment. If only I feel like I am dying simply because I am too far away from you. If I am the only one that replays our interactions in my head because the mere thought of you helps me get through a bad day. I deserve to know if I am destined to forever love someone who does not love me back. Because you ruined me. I cannot love another, because it will never compare to you. You have ruined love for me. So tell me, if I am utterly alone in this-“

“Of course I love you!” Cregan yelled, finally sick of lying, pretending, and hearing Jace’s pained words. “Everything I do is because I love you. Because I want you to live a life where you don’t look back on memories for the rest of your days. It would be easier for you to just love Baela and live happily with her. You are to be king. Our love stands no chance.”

“You love me?” Jace asked quietly, because no matter his confidence, he couldn’t quite believe it.

Cregan stepped forward and cupped his jaw in his strong hands. “I love you, and is driving me crazy. It would be easier if you were less stubborn and just left me. I can stand my own pain, but it’s killing me to see you hurt. I love you so much, I am breaking in front of you.”

“I wouldn’t be in pain if you would just let me love you.”

Cregan closed his eyes. “And how would this work? You will be king. You can’t fly North every moon to see your secret lover.”

“I don’t need to see you every moon to love you. I hadn’t seen you for a year, and it only made me want you more. To desire to have you close, and only then will I feel complete. I am undone by you as well, and I am afraid you are my only remedy. I feel like a dying man, Cregan, and I am begging you, do not refuse me my only comfort.”

Cregan shakes his head. “I am a far too weak man when it comes to you, Jacaerys. I am at your mercy.”

“Then kiss me. Make me feel loved. Make me feel wanted. Mark me as yours.”

"Tell me to stop." Cregan asked him with his last bit of restraint.

"I never want you to stop."

That was everything Cregan needed to hear. When he finally kissed him, Jace could die. The press of his lips on his was so deliciously sweet, and his hold on his face felt so hot that Jace was sure it would leave burn marks. When Cregan’s tongue slipped inside his mouth, he groaned involuntarily, which did nothing but ignite the spark inside of the northerner further, and he started kissing him enthusiastically. And Jace. Well, Jace had forgotten just how good it felt to kiss him. For something so wrong, it felt so right.

Only when his back had hit the mattress of Cregan’s bed did he realize how much he wanted- no, needed to feel Cregan inside of him, to have them become one, only if for a night.

He stopped kissing the other to be able to look him in the eyes. Cregan’s brow furrowed for a moment, but Jace straightened it with his thumb and just admired him for a second. Gods, he was so beautiful. Handsome, he had always been, but right now, as he looked down on his lover like he was the most precious thing in the world, he was beautiful. He was open and vulnerable, and Jace wanted all of him.

“I want to feel you everywhere. I want you to leave marks on my person, so that when I leave, I remember it all.”

Cregan closed his eyes and groaned. “Are you sure?” The uncertainty in his voice made Jace smile.

“I trust you.” And he did. He had never done this before, of course. But he trusted Cregan with himself in everything. He trusted him with his life in battle, and now he would trust him with his body completely.

As Cregan started kissing his way down his body, Jacaerys started seeing stars. His teeth were scraping, biting, and licking all the way down from his neck to his torso, lighting Jace’s insides on fire. When Cregan slipped the first finger inside him, he didn’t expect it. He tensed at the contact, and it hurt, but his lover kissed his thigh and whispered, “Shh, relax. Let me make you feel good, love.”

Jacaerys forced himself to relax, and Gods did it feel good. One finger turned two, and when two turned three, he was already on edge. He was cursing and moaning like a madman. He threw his head back on the pillow and arched his back, not noticing when Cregan moved and pulled his fingers out. He missed the loss of contact, but he didn’t have time to complain until Cregan was on top of him, the tip of his cock teasing Jace’s entrance.

“Seven hells, fuck- fuck, Cregan. I- fuck.” He panted, his eyes full of last. But Cregan only smirked.

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“No, but I could suck your cock later with it.” Whatever witty remark Jace wanted to add was cut off by the burning feeling of Cregan’s cock slowly making its way into him. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but words were lost to him. Gods, he felt so good.

“What did you say, my prince?” Cregan loved to tease him as he eased his way into Jace. When he was fully seated in him, he stopped and closed his eyes for a moment, as if searching for the last ounce of control he had. But no, Jace wouldn’t have any of that.

He put his hand on the nape of Cregan’s neck to bring him closer to him and whispered on his lips. “Let go. I want you feral.” Cregan’s eyes opened, and it looked like something had snapped into place as he pulled back all the way out, then slammed into Jace with force. He started slow until he found his rhythm, then he fucked into Jace mercilessly. Cregan fucked him hard and fast, and Jace was glad for it. He wanted it to hurt, so he could remember. His fingernails dug into the northerner's back, and he was sure he was almost drawing blood from how tight he was holding on. Cregan fucked him like they were running out of time, and maybe they were.

As he came, Cregan growled “I love you” in Jace’s ear, and Jace would have said it back if he could mutter any word at all. He lay there, limp and breathing heavily. His entire body ached, but his heart was full. And when Cregan started stroking him to allow him to find his release, he swore he was in heaven. He came quickly, but he couldn’t even be embarrassed about it.

“My beautiful, sweet prince.” Cregan whispered as he ran a hand through Jacaerys’ curls. And if he thought he was beautiful in that disheveled state, full of his own seed and sweaty, then maybe he was as gone for Jace as Jace was for him.

 ***

“What did you do?” Baela raised an eyebrow at him as he joined her in her chambers in the morning. They had to prepare for returning south, but Jace’s heart couldn’t accept it just yet.

“Why do you think I did something?” He couldn’t hide his smile.

Baela gave him a pointed look and crossed her arms from where she was standing in the middle of the room. Jace was leaning on her bed, supporting his weight on his elbow. “You are smiling like a madman. Considering last night you almost overturned a table in anger, which you are welcome by the way, something definitely happened.” She waited.

Jace dropped on his back and couldn’t help but giggle. Fucking giggle. “I saw him last night.”

Baela, suddenly curious, dropped on the bed next to him. “And?” She inquired enthusiastically.

“Well, you know when two people love each other very very much-“

She hit him with a pillow, and he laughed. “You slept together?”

He nodded.

“Finally! If I had to watch you cry about it any longer, I would have gone mad.”

“Oh, shut up. Don’t think I forgot the stunt you pulled at dinner first night.” He pointed an accusatory finger at her.

She swatted his hand away. “Oh, please. If anything, you should thank me. I made you sound interesting. An honorable, dangerous gentleman.”

Jace rolled his eyes. Baela watched him for a moment, then her face turned serious. “Do you love him?” She asked softly.

“I do. And he loves me.”

She smiled gently. “I still stand by what I said, you can have anyone you want, but be careful with your heart, Jace. You will be in King’s Landing, and he will be here. Do you think your love will remain strong?”

Jace thought for a second. “I think I loved him for a long time. Distance can’t take that away from me.”

“You know we have to talk about when we go back.”

He closed his eyes and nodded. “As much as I wish to stay here with him, I am afraid it would be better to leave as fast as we can. If I stay too long, it will be harder to make myself turn away.” That was the truth. He thinks he knew it last night. He knew he would have to run away because, otherwise, he would never leave.

“Then I can start preparing for our departure right now.”

 ***

Telling Cregan he was leaving was the hardest part. He had to gather all his courage to do so, and he still felt like it wasn’t enough. He found the northerner preparing his supplies for hunting. As he approached, Cregan had his back turned to him, but, like he just felt Jacaerys getting close, he turned and met him with a wide grin.

“Right on time. I know you said you don’t like hunting, but your courtmen don’t know how to hunt like northerners. You will grow accustomed to it, don’t worry.”

“Cregan-“

“It will be a little cold for you, your grace, but I can make it up to you later and keep you warm.” It was breaking his heart to have to crush all of Cregan’s hopes.

“My lord, I am afraid I cannot join you.”

His brows furrowed. “Why is that?”

“I am leaving. Right now.” He tried to keep his voice even, but Cregan’s face shifted from enthusiastic to blank in a second, and Jace’s voice wavered until he finished his sentence.

“What do you mean, my prince?”

“I must return to King’s Landing. My stay here in the North has come to an end, I am afraid. You have been nothing but kind to me, but I cannot stay here longer.”

“And why is that?” He could feel the other man getting angry. He had learned that Cregan got angry when he was hurt, and Jace hated being the one to do this.

“Cregan.” He started softly saying, “If I stay, I will never want to leave.”

“So you come to me, demand that I open myself up to you, beg me to fuck you, then leave the next day? What was this to you? Does this look like a brothel?”

“Do not suggest I love you any less because I am making the decision to leave. It was inevitable. It is better earlier than further avoid what needs to be done.”

“Very well then, my prince. But do not expect me to be present at your departure. I will not watch you leave.” His face remained blank, but his shoulders betrayed the tension that was suffocating him.

“You will come to the wedding, won’t you, Lord Stark?”

“It is my duty to your mother to be present at royal celebrations.”

“And will you come for duty or for me?” He asked hopefully.

“You will be a married man.”

“Not when you arrive, no. I will still be yours.”

Cregan smiled sadly. “You were never mine, Jacaerys.”

 ***

True to his word, Cregan had not been present as Jace and Baela mounted their dragons and shot into the sky. Sitting on Vermax’s back, Jacaerys couldn’t believe how that morning he woke up in Cregan’s arms, and now he was leaving him behind. He couldn’t shake the feeling that it was his fault.

 ***

“Did you find what you were searching for in the North?” His mother had asked upon his return.

“What?” He asked, scared that she was able to see right through him, once again.

“Will the Lords of the North join us in celebrating your wedding?” She continued.

Jace nodded. “Of course. Lord Cerwyn and Dustin. As well as Lord Stark, of course.”

“Of course.” She smiled, but her eyes looked almost…sad. “Did you enjoy your stay?”

“Yes, the North has always been welcoming. Baela and I had a great time.”

“I am glad.” Jacaerys turned to leave then, but his mother called after him. “Jace. You know you can tell me anything, right, my love?” Her eyes were pleading with him to let her in, and Jace realized she did see right through him.

He stepped closer to her. “How-“ He tried to find his voice. “How did you manage to respect your duty as well as love him? My father.”

His mother looked into his eyes then. “As rulers, we have a responsibility towards our people. But we owe ourselves love. Is this about Baela? Do you not love her?”

“I love her. But just- not how a man loves his woman. I love her like a sister. I will not let you down, mother. Baela and I will respect our duties and lead as a strong unit.”

“I know, sweet boy. But I am now more worried about your heart. You have given it to another, haven’t you?”

Jace looked down to his feet and felt a wave of sadness reaching him. He almost felt ashamed. But his mother got closer and raised his head to make him look at her. “You asked me how I managed. I loved the idea of being queen enough to marry Ser Laenor, knowing that we would never share affections. I also, loved your father enough to risk. Some may say I was too reckless, but being in a position such as ours requires release. Love sets us free. It gives us purpose. I loved Laenor as well, and he did me, enough to allow each other that small happiness.”

“Baela and I…have a similar understanding.”

She nodded. “I see. I cannot tell you what to do, I would be an hypocrite. If your happiness stands somewhere else, as your mother, I want you to chase it. But as your queen, I do not want you to forget your responsibilities to this throne.”

“Of course, mother.” He considered saying something more, but changed his mind quickly. His mother, knowing him better than he allowed himself to admit, saw it and asked him to continue. “What if…what if I am more alike to Ser Laenor than I initially thought?”

Her expression didn’t change once. “I would be disappointed if you weren’t. He was an honorable man with a good heart. That is rare.”

“Mother…"

She reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly. “Jacaerys. Nothing you could say will ever make me love you less. You are my son. My pride and joy. I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

Jace could feel his eyes fill with tears that he didn’t let fall. He leaned on his mother then, and she hugged him like only a mother could. In that moment, Jace felt like maybe he could fix everything and be happy. He had his mother, he knew his heart. He just needed to convince his lover that he held his heart, no matter the distance or time between them. No matter that Jace would be sitting on the Iron Throne one day.

 ***

As King’s Landing was approaching, Cregan felt his heart grow even harder. He refused to allow himself to admit that he missed Jacaerys terribly. His entire being ached for his prince. If he had less pride, he would have kneeled in front of him that day and begged him to just allow Cregan to have him for one more day. But Jace left, and Cregan had to admit he had been right to do so. Their attraction was dangerous. But so sweet at the same time.

He couldn’t think of Jace without remembering the sounds he had made from under him. Cregan had been with his share of women, but none made him feel as electric as Jace did. The prince had crawled under his skin and refused to stop occupying his whole body. But that night could not be repeated. Definitely not under his mother’s roof in the week of his wedding. Oh, but how Cregan craved. He wanted to put his rough hands on Jace’s porcelain skin and leave his marks there so that his wife would know who was there before her.

He couldn’t even hate Baela. She had been nothing but good in the short time he had known her. She had also shown signs of knowing about the secret affair between him and Jace, but never appeared bitter about it. It made Cregan feel a tad regretful about these thoughts, but he couldn’t help the possessiveness he felt over Jace. That made him even jealous of his own sister, which he still felt ashamed of.

The closer he got to the city, the more his heart sank into his stomach. He knew what this wedding meant. He would watch the man he loved be tied to someone else, then they would expect heirs and prepare to rule together over the realm. The thought of heirs took him back to the pact they made. If Jace was to have a daughter, she would be married to Rickon. But the process of getting that daughter made Cregan’s teeth scrape. The thought of Jace and Baela sleeping together made his insides boil. But he couldn’t be mad about that, could he? He had no right. Jace wasn’t his.

Nothing could prepare him for seeing Jace again. The Starks arrived at nightfall, right on time for the beginning of the first night of celebrations. Rickon was fast asleep in his father’s arms. As their carriage entered the courtyard, a knight was already waiting for them.

“Lord Stark, welcome to King’s Landing. Before we enter the royal hall, a chamber has already been prepared for your son, courtesy of Prince Jacaerys. If you may, one of the Queen’s ladies in waiting will see your son to bed.”

Cregan’s heart swelled at the thought of Jace thinking ahead of his son. The thought that Jace knew that Cregan wouldn’t leave his son in the North, so he made sure to prepare everything for his comfort, even assigning one of the Queen’s maids to take care of him. This made it easier to put his son in the hands of a stranger, knowing Jacaerys was the one behind it.

As he, Sara, and their men approached the hall, his heart began thundering. It was embarrassingly pathetic. He was the Warden of the North and he was sweating at the prospect of seeing his secret lover, who wasn’t even his lover.

The doors opened, and a voice boomed, “Lord Cregan Stark, Lord Protector of Winterfell and Warden of the North.” He walked the hall with confidence, his eyes on the Queen, who stood to greet him. For a second, his gaze dropped on Jacaerys, and his heart stopped. He was gorgeous. So beautiful, it almost hurt to look at him, like looking at the sun for too long.

Cregan bowed his head toward the royal family. He would gladly look down the entire night, just so he wouldn’t have to watch Jace, so close, yet so far away. How cruel the Gods could be. He and Jace had played this game, pulling and pushing at each other until they were sick. But they always came back to each other, despite their worst efforts. This time, it felt like it was definite. Jace would be a married man with a responsibility towards his wife. Cregan was a man of honor, how could he take away a man from his family?

Jacaerys seemed to have different thoughts. Or not. He couldn’t even tell. But he could feel the other’s eyes on him the entire night, as he sat down and drank with whatever Lord clinked his cup to his.

“I don’t think getting drunk will make a good impression, brother.” His sister muttered from his right.

“I can hold my liquor, Sara.” He said it around his cup.

“Then come hold it with me while we dance.” She raised her hand and held it out expectantly. He didn’t feel like dancing, at all, but he could indulge his sister for once.

He tried to ignore the motion at the front table, but he knew Jace and Baela were rising from their seats for a dance as well.

“Is this some sort of plan of yours?” Cregan squinted his eyes at his sister, but she only smiled.

He wasn’t that much of a dancer, so Sara had to take the lead. He didn’t expect the switch in partners, but suddenly Lady Baela was the one in his arms.

“Lord Stark, what a pleasure.” She smiled, but her eyes held a knowing look.

“My Lady. I must warn you, I am not a dancer. I might disappoint you.” He eyed her curiously.

“Do not fret. I am used to taking charge with men.” Cregan couldn’t help but bark a laugh. He thought of her handling Jacaerys when he was being difficult, and somehow it didn’t boil his blood. The sight of Jace and Baela gave no hint of intimacy, just a very deep understanding, almost sibling-like.

“I will put my trust in you, then.”

“I ask of you that you put your trust in me for more than dancing." Her eyes turned serious then.

“And what might that be?”

“You and I may be very different, Lord Stark, but we have one thing in common. Jace. I want him to be happy, and I am afraid that you are the only remedy for the pain he is in.”

“The prince is in pain?” The thought made his stomach tie in knots.

“He is. And I had grown tired of seeing it. I know that you are a man of honor, so maybe my words can ease your guilt. You have my blessing. Love him, cherish him. He is more yours than he is mine. All I want is that he is in the best state, so me and him can rule this realm one day in a just manner. In private, he may do as he wishes.”

Cregan’s head was spinning. This was everything he wanted, and even Jace’s bride-to-be wanted it for him. Was it ever that easy? The way things were made him weary, but maybe, this time he was the only one not allowing himself his happiness. What if Jace couldn’t be his forever? What if he could only have him for a fraction of time and then send him home to his wife? Could that be enough? Weren’t a few moments with Jace better than an eternity without him?

“I think it is time for another change of partners. Excuse me.” Baela slipped from his grip at the same time Sara slipped from Jacaerys’. Both traveled across the floor in the arms of other nobles, and both Cregan and Jace were left alone, facing each other.

Jace took a tentative step forward, and seeing that Cregan wasn’t turning away, he took it in good faith and got even closer. He leaned in to whisper in his ear, and Cregan closed his eyes for a second and just inhaled the smell of him.

“Meet me at midnight in my chambers. There will be no guard stationed there tonight.” Then, he withdrew his head without waiting for an answer and left. All Cregan could do was stare after him.

The rest of the night passed far too slowly for Cregan’s taste. He had to restrain himself from glancing at Jace the whole night, otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to wait until midnight. As the celebration ceased and the guests were escorted to their quarters, his skin was buzzing in anticipation. Baela had stopped him briefly on the way out to whisper directions towards Jace’s chambers, then disappeared with a wink. He was beginning to like her even more.

He followed the exact steps that led him to his destination. No guard was there waiting for him, indeed. He didn’t bother to knock, just opened the door and slipped quietly inside. Jacaerys was waiting for him. He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking unsure of himself, as Cregan silently closed the door behind him.

He took a few steps ahead, but stopped before he was so close that he couldn’t help but touch Jace. First, he had to hear him out. Jace seemed to agree, as he looked like he was gathering his thoughts. He finally straightened his back and started on his courage to tell Cregan his heart. He started confidently, like a prince.

“I will be King one day.” He stated it simply. “I will have to serve my country as a fair ruler. I have a great responsibility ahead of me.” Had Cregan understood this wrong? Has he come all this way to be rejected for good?

Before he could voice his concerns, Jace continued. “But I also have a responsibility to myself and the people I love. And I love you. And I believe you and I deserve a chance. Maybe our future will be stolen glances and nights spent in solitude. Maybe we will have to endure the distance and the secrecy of it all. But I would gladly accept all of these circumstances if I got to have you at all. I won’t say I will give up my crown for you, because we both know I can’t. Because I won’t. And I know you, of all people, understand this. But I love you too much to give you up, too.”

Cregan looked at him for a moment and just took in the image of this beautiful, stubborn, brave prince who loved him. Maybe he couldn’t have all of him, but he believed Jace was his in all the ways that matter.

“Say something.” His tone lost a tad of his confidence, so it sounded more like a request than a demand. Cregan just stepped closer and carded his hands through Jace’s hair. Oh, he loved his hair.

“I say…I love you. And I think that is enough.” He kissed Jacaerys then, sweeter and slower than he ever did. Everything about them has been rush and passion until them, but that night he wanted to enjoy it, to pretend like they had all the time in the world. To hold his lover and make love to him, not just fuck him.

Jace pulled back for a moment, and his eyes were so full of joy that Cregan wanted to forever be the source of his happiness. “So you are in? We do this thing, then? No more fighting, no more anger, no more leaving in a rush.”

“No more fighting, no more anger, and I will definitely not rush tonight.” Cregan said this against his lips. Jace grinned then, and he knew that there would never be anyone else for him.

That night, they moved in sync with each other. He didn’t know where one ended and the other began. This time, he let Jacaerys take the lead. The way he moved his hips on top of him was sinful, and Cregan had to hide his groans in Jace’s neck as the prince moved up and down his cock. Regardless of how new this intimacy was between them, they trusted each other so much that it felt like they had known each other for centuries, since the days of Old Valyria even.

“I don’t ever want to let you go.” Jacaerys admitted as they were both reaching the edge of pleasure.

“You won’t. I will always be with you.” That was a promise, and there has never lived a Stark who forgot an oath.

 ***

The rest of his stay in King’s Landing had gone out quickly, and Cregan felt like a love struck fool every time he was near the prince. The Queen had also taken a particular liking to the Lord of Winterfell. He couldn’t be sure if her knowing eyes could see right through him, but if she knew anything, she didn’t show any sign of disapproval.

“Lord Lannister has presented his apologies for his early leave. He won’t be able to witness the ceremony tomorrow.” The Queen had informed her son as they were all walking through the courtyard, watching Rickon play with Aegon and Viserys, Jace’s youngest brothers.

Jace snorted. “Good riddance. He was a cunt.”

“Jacaerys!” His mother glared at him. “That is no way of talking in front of a guest.” She then turned to Cregan. “Forgive my son, he is a tad mouthy.”

Cregan laughed “Oh, that, I cannot argue with.” Remembering just how mouthy Jace had been a day ago, with his lips around his cock, reminding him that he was the only one that a future king would kneel in front of. Jace’s ears suddenly turned a pretty shade of red.

 ***

The ceremony had been simple in retrospect. A septon was delivering a speech for the union of Jace and Baela, but Cregan didn’t pay much attention to it. He didn’t care for the words of their fate. He kept his attention on Jace, and he realized, at last, that he was no longer aching at the fact that his prince was now tied to a wife. His duty was one, and his love another. Cregan had come to peace with it, and now the only feeling in his chest was pride, as this was only a step closer for Jace in his way to being King, and he had no doubt in his heart that the Seven Kingdoms had yet to see one as good as his Jacaerys.

And as he sank to his knees in front of him to swear his fealty to him, his words couldn’t come out more true.

“I, Cregan Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North, promise to be faithful to Queen Rhaenyra and her named heir, Prince Jacaerys, as well as his future Queen, Lady Baela. I pledge fealty to them, and shall defend them against all enemies, in good faith, and without deceit. I swear this, by the old Gods, and the new.”

When he rose to his feet and met Jacaerys’ eyes, he could see a future in them, prosperity for the realm, but also peace for himself, as he finally found solace for his wandering soul.