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Fate sure had a twisted sense of humor. It was raining — not just a few raindrops here and there — no, it was pouring. Kojiro was walking the familiar sidewalk to his best friend’s house with the rain mirroring the state of Kojiro’s heart.
It was almost one in the morning by the time Kojiro made it. Though it was so late, he knew his best friends would still be awake. The pair had headed home early after Adam’s announcement. They found that they were no longer in the mood to skate the night away. Kojiro would’ve just followed Kaoru home knowing that the other would be completely heartbroken to find that his first love was just leaving — leaving with so little remorse for those he was leaving behind — but the pink-haired teen insisted on being left alone and Kojiro wasn’t going to push. Instead, he headed home, took a shower, and cried his eyes out.
About an hour after he had gotten home, Kojiro had finally composed himself enough to do the 25-minute walk to Kaoru’s house. He snuck past his bedroom window, climbed the tree just outside, and landed unceremoniously on the ground. It had started raining only a few minutes into the walk, but he didn’t care enough to go back and retrieve a rain jacket. The rain was calming in a sense. It melted the heavy weight off his shoulders as he got closer and closer to his best friend’s house.
When Kojiro finally got there, he found that he was soaked. He had paused by the side of the house. Kaoru was leaning out of his bedroom window. A cigarette hung from his lips. Smoke curled up into Kaoru’s eyes, but they only stared unblinkingly into the rainy night. Kojiro’s gaze stalled on the other’s lips. Something ugly churning in his stomach; a combination of yearning and guilt creating a nauseating mixture.
Kojiro moved forward, into Kaoru’s line of sight. “Hey,” he said, revealing his presence.
In response, Kaoru only offered a faint “Hey” in return, not even glancing at Kojiro.
“I came to check up on you,” the green man responded.
“Tch. Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?” Kaoru mumbled, still unmoving. A piece of ash fell from the cigarette still dangling from his lips.
“I know,” Kojiro replied simply.
Taking one last drag from his cigarette, Kaoru tossed his cigarette into the empty soda can that sat on his window sill. “Fine, just come inside. You’re soaked,” he said, retreating into his room.
Kojiro hosted himself through the window, landing in a wet puddle on the floor. After rustling through his closet, Kauro threw a shirt and pants towards him. “Get changed into dry clothes, you dimwit.”
“Okay,” Kojiro responded, going to the bathroom down the hall. The walk was familiar from the pair’s many playdates and sleepovers over the past thirteen years. The nostalgia only further churned the ugly mixture in his stomach.
He slowly closed the door, remembering how the hinges liked to squeak. The lights added a yellow hue to his reflection. Purple eyebags framed his wine-red eyes. Faint stubble highlighted his cheeks and chin. He simply sighed before looking away and changing clothes.
- - -
“Took you long enough,” Kaoru stated as Kojiro entered the room.
“Hello to you too,” Kojiro responded.
Kaoru just stared at the stars hanging on his ceiling as he sat on his bed. Pausing, Kojiro stalled in the doorway.
After a while, Kojiro joined the other on the bed. They sat in dull silence for a few sluggish minutes.
“Is it my fault…” Kauro murmured, “Did he leave because of me?”
There was a beat before Kojiro responded. “No, no, absolutely not.” He shook his head and turned toward the other.
“Then why wouldn’t he tell me?” Kaoru questioned as tears started collecting in his eyes. They finally met Kojiro’s, amber meeting carmine.
“I don’t know, Kaoru, but it’s not your fault,” Kojiro said. “I know you were closer to him, but we still don’t know much of anything about his private life.”
“But I loved him, Kojiro,” Kaoru said and the tears started to fall.
Kojiro froze at those words. It hurt more than he thought it would. He knew, had known for quite a while, but hearing it, being confronted by it, stung, painfully. Something joined the guilt and yearning: heartache. His heartache because Kaoru loves Adam. Kaoru loves Adam and not him.
“Y-you just don’t get it,” Kaoru spoke again.
“What do you-”
“You don’t understand how painful one-sided love is… How can I just stop loving him? Knowing that he will never feel the same way I do?” Kaoru got out between sobs. “Shit, why am I even telling you this? You’ve never had to deal with something like this.”
“Wha-”
“I know you, Kojiro… I see how it is for you.”
“Kaoru-”
“You follow your feelings without hesitation, without fear. It’s always been easy for you! Whatever you want you always get it.”
“Kaoru, let me ta-”
“So don’t act like you know how I feel!”
It was too much and he couldn’t even get a sentence out. Kojiro slammed his fist into the near wall. “I get it.”
Kaoru froze. He, in the over a decade of knowing Kojiro, has never seen him act out like this. He has always been the calm and collected one. He quite detested any form of violence, but something seemed to break in him.
Tears started to pour from Kojiro’s eyes, “I.. get it… Kaoru. Y-you are the one that doesn’t get it…” Kojiro looked up, eyes meeting the other. The tears continued to streak down his cheeks. After a tense second, Kojiro moved to get off the bed. He grabbed his shoes, lacing them up. Meanwhile, Kaoru remained frozen.
After his shoes were tied, Kojiro walked toward the window. “Don’t,” Kaoru called out.
Kojiro paused, only for a second, waiting for Kaoru to continue. He didn’t though, and Kojiro just sighed and uttered a raspy, “I’m sorry, Kaoru,” before climbing back out the window.
The rain had only continued pouring, so the walk home was sluggish and melancholy. It felt like a friend walking alongside Kojiro. His tears mixed with the rain, dulling his senses further. By the time he got back to his home, he felt completely numb. He barely registered clambering up the tree and heaving himself through his window. Not caring about his soaked clothes he fell into his own bed, curling into himself.