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Rey tells herself stories. Fabrications. Figments of her imagination. Anything to keep the hollow ache of loneliness at bay long enough for her to sleep.
Rey tells herself that her signature three-bunned hairstyle came from her mother. She imagined her mother humming a hand-me-down lullaby while combing Rey’s hair, and putting her hair into three buns.
Rey tells herself that her father would have been able to tell her all about the star systems that are visible from Jakku at night. Stars and planets begin to form shapes and symbols, and she tells herself that she and her father would have a shared favorite constellation.
Rey tells herself that the quarter-portions she fights for are fulfilling. These portions are not pathetically tiny, or incredibly infrequent. These portions are food from a royal court, perfectly divided over each day so that she can enjoy the bountiful feast for the rest of her life. Maybe even her parents had sent them to her special, to keep her alive.
Rey tells herself that she is the best pilot in the Rebel Alliance. She sits in the abandoned cockpit of a dusty X-Wing and shoots down enemy fighters that take the shape of desert vultures. She safely lands her ship near an abandoned AT-AT, and saves her fellow Rebel pilot from where he was being held captive. They make a narrow escape, with the Empire at their heels.
Rey tells herself about a planet made entirely of the most flowers. Vibrant. Beautiful. Fields of red and orange. Hills with splashes of green, purple, and blue. Each flower different and unique. Green bushes with buds of yellow. White trees with accents of lilac. Waterfalls and mountains are the only thing that are permitted to disturb the sea of color.
Rey tells herself that her parents must have been important people with an important mission. So important that no child could possibly understand it. If they had brought her along, she would only slow them down. She would have been a burden. It’s better this way. They’ll come back when they’re ready for her.
Rey tells herself it’s important to keep vigilant. Keep healthy. Keep watch. Keep hopeful. If there is any force of good in the universe, that is who she says her prayers to at night. She always only requests one thing : for her parents to be brought back to her. This is why she must stay aware. She watches the freighters dock at the nearby outpost whenever she has time. Any one of those could be the ship that finally reunites her with her parents. Any one of those ships could be the answer to her prayers.
Rey tells herself that one day, she won’t have to wait anymore. One day, she will have her family back, and that will be all that ever matters.