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Kevin has had a grudge against Andrew Dobson since the day he pushed Kevin into the sandbox at the tender age of five.
He hadn’t seen it coming. Neither of them had.
Neil was the type of kid to get too engrossed in his creations, playing with the basic molds their dad bought them like they would yield real castles as tall as the eye could see. Neil giggled triumphantly as he made another tower, and his chubby fingers did their best not to ruin the brick lines. He smiled toothily to himself, nodding. It was all coming together, and soon they would be ruling their castle like kings.
When Neil got going, he almost made Kevin believe it too.
It made sense neither of them paid any mind to the other children, especially not the shy blond seated at the farthest corner, pretending not to watch. Kevin never would’ve suspected him anyways.
He should’ve. Andrew’s knees were littered with Blue’s Clues band-aids, his fingers scarred from one too many curious accidents. The sunburn from the mild spring day was already crawling down his back, but he seemed in no hurry to leave. Whenever Neil whooped, Andrew’s little head perked up before remembering his stealth mission, and ducked back into himself.
Trouble. Plain and simple.
But he was quiet, inoffensive at that point.
Kevin’s attention was all Neil’s, and the promise of getting to jump in soon to help with their castle.
But eventually, it got annoying. Because Neil wasn’t sharing. Those were Kevin’s molds too. Their dad told them they had to take turns, but Neil was at the point of no return. Eyes wide, tongue sticking out, no chance of stopping him as he carved a moat around the already sagging fortress. Kevin had asked him once, twice, three times now.
He was good with his numbers.
“Neil! Come on, it’s my turn! I told you I wanted to put the moat in,” he whined, hugging the crocodile mold close to his chest as if that too, Neil would steal away.
“No! I always put the moat in, I do it better.” Neil stuck his tongue out, but otherwise didn’t take his eyes off what was supposed to be their creation.
So, Kevin did what any frustrated older sibling might do. He got up and pushed Neil backwards into the sand. It wasn’t particularly hard, a five year old’s strength is nothing to write home about, but it was enough to make Neil grunt and flail.
In an instant, before he could even gloat or worry about the trouble he would be in, Kevin found himself on the ground himself. He was covered in sand from where a wad of it had hit him square in the chest.
“Ow!” Kevin yelped, but when he tried to get up, he was waylaid with even more sand than before. He sniffled, but still managed to glare up at the culprit.
Andrew glared down at him, hands bunched up in a bowl filled with sand. A threat, if Kevin ever saw one.
Andrew’s voice was so small and quiet, Kevin almost didn’t hear him. “Don’t push.”
And even as ghostly as it was, there was something in it that made Kevin freeze. Even being so young then, he could sense the underlying promise there, the warning. So much so, Kevin didn’t have the brain power to think of how to retaliate.
But he didn’t need to. He had his brother.
Soon enough, Neil was up and marching over with his own little bowl of sand, throwing it (badly) in Andrew’s direction.
“Hey! Only I can do that!” Neil said, and soon he and Andrew were at war. Forgotten, the castle was smashed and used as fuel in the sand war. Coughing, crying children scattered, but Andrew and Neil didn’t seem to care.
At some point, Neil’s anger turned to laughter, and Andrew seemed hell bent on not cracking a smile as he aimed right for Neil’s face whenever he did. Neil was too fast though. Or too dumb. He dodged and coughed but never lost the joy.
That is, until he hit Andrew a little too close to the eyes. Andrew immediately stopped his onslaught to start crying. He ran off to the opposite side of the sandbox, hiding in his defeat. Kevin grinned. This meant they won, right?
But when he looked at Neil, expecting to see the matching grin, he saw Neil’s face had fallen into guilt. It didn’t last long. Again, Neil was fast.
Sadness morphed into determination, and suddenly Neil was off, sprinting off to where their dad sat arguing with one of the stay-at-home moms. He came back with a cold bottle of water from their park bag, his own, the one he always saved for the long walk home.
Like a cornered animal, Andrew curled up on his approach, scared and suspicious. His hazel eyes were red and rimmed with sand, but he lost the tension as soon as Neil crouched down next to him.
“I’m sorry,” Neil said, ducking his head. Andrew’s eyes widened at that, then scrunched up again as the sand irritated them further. Andrew groaned and rubbed at his eyes. Kevin wanted to call him a baby.
But then, Neil reached forward to grab Andrew’s face. At Andrew’s flinch, he stopped and gave his best smile, usually reserved for his best sand sculptures. “It’s okay. I got you some water. To wash the sand away!”
In question, Neil lifted the water up, then on second thought, splashed his own face by squeezing the bottle hard. “See! It won’t hurt!”
And that’s all Andrew needed. In that moment, for the rest of his life apparently.
Because he let Neil caress his cheek, clean his eyes. The whole time, Neil babbled away and asked a bajillion questions Andrew could only try to keep up with. But he tried his best, and Neil didn’t seem to mind one bit.
Kevin could only huff as he got up, patting the sand off his red dinosaur shorts and sneakily hoarding the molds back for himself.
A couple minutes later, Neil came back over to Kevin, hand in hand with Andrew, like they’d already done it a million times. Best friends.
“Kevi, Andrew’s going to play with us, okay?” Neil said, so decisive sometimes their dad joked that he should’ve been the oldest. “Be nice!”
And Kevin was not nice, but it didn’t seem to matter. The damage was done. Andrew and Neil were running around the playground together, talking a mile a minute, and Kevin couldn’t even hate them for it. His brother was happy, and it made Kevin happy.
Little did he know that such a simple interaction would reflect Andrew and Neil’s dynamic for years to come. If Kevin knew he would have to deal with Andrew and this pining nonsense for the rest of his life because of a (unfair) sand fight, he would’ve protested a lot harder.
--
In Kevin’s third year, the entire high school takes a field trip to Disneyland to celebrate the end of the year. It’s what every stupid teen couple dreams of, the opportunity to take a million Instagram worthy photos that no one really cares about, but with a giant mouse in the background and annoying whimsical music playing on repeat.
In the end though, he guesses he is no different. He smiles big and bright as Thea kisses his cheek, her Minnie dress matching his yellow bow tie. They went with the classic ears. They didn’t need anything taking the attention off of them.
She snaps a few photos before they both forget about the concept of Instagram entirely, and spend the rest of the day goofing around with their friends and eating too many churros. Kevin loses track of the rides they go on, but one thing he can’t seem to ignore is his brother’s mess of a life.
Kevin watches from the Matterhorn line as Neil and his boyfriend, Noah, argue blatantly in front of one of the snack carts. The other people around dance around the altercation awkwardly, with hushed whispers and quick glances.
Kevin sighs and Thea looks up from her phone, taking in the scene that’s oh so obvious. “Oh, no.”
Oh, yes.
Kevin’s used to this by now, but he wishes he wasn’t. This problem began in middle school, when the onset of puberty and crushes became impossible to ignore. Kevin expected what everyone else did: Andrew and Neil would date. Why wouldn’t they? They’d clearly been head over heels with one another from day one, spent every waking moment at each other’s homes, and talked until their phones dipped below 2%.
In fact, Kevin had a bet with their dad that they never spoke of. But he was waiting to collect.
But, when it never happened, it led to more grief than Kevin could handle. The pair’s need to keep their friendship intact no matter what and not jeopardize what they’d spent so long building, meant they naturally came to a stalemate.
This display of utter stupidity ended about as unfortunately as one can imagine: with the both of them dating other people throughout high school and hating it.
The current lambs to the slaughter: Noah and Jacob. Decent looking, good grades, and each matching the interests and/or aesthetics Neil and Andrew desire, respectively.
So of course, Neil and Andrew secretly hate them. Just like they have hated all the ones who came before. All the ones who aren’t each other.
And now, they’re at Disneyland together. In the same vicinity. Where they can’t ignore it.
He’s surprised there wasn’t an immediate blood bath upon scanning their tickets.
Kevin almost screamed when he saw them in the main street store, trying on Disney ears. Noah had placed a cute pair of fuzzy Ewok ears on Neil’s head, saying they fit Neil perfectly.
Meanwhile, Andrew, the biggest secret Star Wars fan Kevin knows, glared daggers at them from afar. Jacob was nowhere in sight. Andrew probably left him at the gates.
And yeah, Neil had smiled, but it was the ghost of what it should be.
In truth, it’s not Kevin’s favorite thing to see either. Annoyed older brother or not, he knows Neil’s genuine smile lights up rooms.
It hasn’t been seen in a while.
“Uh-oh,” Thea whispers, bringing him back to the present.
Kevin watches Noah storm off, leaving Neil frozen in the middle of the happiest place on earth. He watches as his brother’s anger and bravado dissolves into shock, then confusion as he looks around, seeming to realize where he is. Alone.
Or, maybe he’s looking for Andrew, like he always is.
When he doesn’t find him, Neil’s face falls, and he runs off to lick his wounds in private. Kevin’s own heart aches, and he finds himself looking for Andrew too.
But no, Neil needs a different kind of help in that moment.
Kevin shares one look with Thea, and they agree. There’s only one thing for him to do.
He finds Neil alone underneath an awning behind the Matterhorn. The seating area is mostly empty, the perfect place to mope in peace. When Neil looks up, he doesn’t seem surprised to see Kevin.
Kevin doesn’t even have to ask what happened.
“You always run away,” Kevin sighs as he plops into one of the metal chairs next to his baby brother. It’s moments like these he wishes they weren’t in that phase where they have to pretend to be cool and unbothered. If they weren’t, Kevin would already be wrapping Neil up in his arms.
Neil must not be one for appearances today though. He sniffles, smiling sheepishly as he leans into Kevin’s chest. “And you always know where to find me.”
Yeah, Kevin hopes that never changes. They sit in silence, listening to the laughter and conversation going on around them. Neil kicks his feet beneath the chair, the only way Kevin knows there’s a storm inside his head he just can’t let out.
Kevin decides he’s tired of waiting for this bubble to burst.
“I know you’re not crying over Noah,” Kevin eventually says. Neil scoffs.
“I would never cry over that asshole,” Neil says, sitting up straighter. Kevin smirks. Yeah, Noah is kind of a tool. “I barely batted an eye when he dumped me. It was a long time coming.”
Hearing Neil admit it is a shock, to say the least. Kevin knows he should fake confusion, but he’s so caught off guard that he flubs it. “Well—”
“You don’t have to pretend,” Neil snaps. His indignation flares up and fades in an instant. Neil’s face falls again, and he draws his knees up to his chest. “It was obvious.”
And for all Kevin complains about his brother being obnoxious, he regrets it then. His brother should never be without that spark of his.
“So, I’m guessing you’re upset about Andrew then?” Kevin asks, and Neil has the nerve to look affronted.
Jesus .
“You said not to pretend,” Kevin reminds him.
Neil sighs, pulls his knees tighter. “It’s just…I’m here alone at fucking Disneyland, and he’s having a romantic date with Jacob .”
Kevin almost laughs. He manages to avoid it, thank god, because if he started he wouldn’t be able to stop.
“Neil, I can promise you he definitely is not,” Kevin says adamantly, willing Neil to understand. “Andrew barely looks at the guy while he talks. Andrew’s been in love with you since like…the day you met.”
Kevin doesn’t say it, but he’s pretty sure Andrew only started dating Jacob because he kinda looks like Neil. Maybe not in height, but skin tone, hair color…plus they’re both on the track team. He was the most suitable replacement. Andrew’s not subtle.
Beyond that though, Andrew sees Jacob the way he sees most people: as tiring, boring bags of meat. At one point, Kevin passed them sharing a churro. Peak romantic, and yet, Andrew just looked like he needed to take a shit really bad.
At his words, Neil’s head shoots straight up.
“Really? You think so?” Neil says, hope drenching his words. So close. But then, he crumbles again, that same years-old rationale filling his head. “No, no way. Andrew is too straightforward for that. If he liked me, he wouldn’t be with someone else.”
Kevin could strangle him.
“Yeah except you’re both fucking idiots,” he states. “Seriously, Neil. You’ve both been pining for years but you’re too scared to—”
“Ruin the friendship…” Neil starts, but his conviction fades as Kevin holds his hand out, knowing those would be the exact words Neil would choose. Predictable. Infuriating.
“Thanks for proving my point,” Kevin drawls.
When Neil speaks, there’s no heat there. “Fuck you.”
He lets the quiet words be carried away by the wind, blended and destroyed by distant music. Neil stares out into the void, but his legs stop swinging.
“I do love him, don’t I?” Neil whispers. It’s clear he’s not talking to Kevin, but Kevin answers anyway.
“Always have, always will. Even if he is a no-good sand thrower.”
That at least, gets a reaction. Neil rolls his eyes hard, but the beginnings of a smile are there too. “Okay, you need to let that go.”
The words are punctuated with laughter, and Kevin has no choice but to join in. Neil’s going to figure this out. And even if he doesn’t, well, Kevin will always be there to call him a moron.
Kevin’s phone chimes, and he shoots Neil an apologetic smile. “Thea’s waiting for me. Are you going to be okay? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you tagging along.”
Neil shakes his head. “No, I’ve got some thinking to do.”
Kevin sees the fear in his eyes, like he always does when it comes to Andrew and the prospect of telling him the truth. The only difference is that this time, there’s hope in Neil’s eyes too.
“Do me a favor though, Kevi. If you see Andrew, don’t tell him, okay? I don’t want to ruin his day.”
Ha.
Kevin’s smile is tight, and he’s not as good a liar as Neil, but Neil’s too in his head to notice. “You got it.”
Kevin, of course, doesn’t listen. Fuck no. Why would he? He finds Andrew plucking flowers aggressively from a nearby flower bed, while Jacob goes on and on about something Andrew in no way cares about.
Kevin doesn’t even waste time on pleasantries. He walks over, waits for Andrew to raise a brow in that infuriating way he always does, and drops the bomb: “Neil’s boyfriend dumped him. Thought you should know.”
Kevin relishes in the shock that breaks the façade of apathy, loves the feeling of turning his back on an explosion. He finds out later that Andrew promptly abandoned Jacob to find Neil, and subsequently spent the rest of the day with him enjoying the park.
Needless to say, both Andrew and Neil get dumped that day.
--
A year after the Disney incident, Kevin decides to have lunch alone on the football field. He’s hoping for a quiet, peaceful place to think about upcoming college applications.
Instead, he finds Andrew with a can of petrol, carving out ‘prom’ in the grass with a knife he definitely is not allowed to have at school.
They both freeze upon seeing each other, both of them too stubborn and competitive to utter the first word. Fine then. Kevin doesn’t need Andrew to talk, never has. When it comes to his brother, the blond is too predictable anyways.
Kevin takes his eyes off Andrew to take in the scene before him, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out. He knows a promposal when he sees one.
Thing is, never in a million years would he think Andrew capable of one.
“So. Prom?” Kevin says, trying to keep the smugness out of his tone. From the way Andrew glares, he can tell he’s not successful.
Honestly, he thought the days of Andrew and Neil plaguing him with their relationship issues ended on that field trip, but guess not. Kevin should’ve known he’d have to deal with this as soon as Neil started to shyly talk about prom at home. Clearly excited, never wanting to admit it until their dad practically pried it out of him.
Kevin understands why. Andrew Dobson doesn’t do school dances. Everyone knows this, why would Neil be any different?
Except, duh, Neil is different.
Andrew clicks his tongue when it’s clear Kevin won’t leave, dropping his knife into the grass around his carving. “I didn’t think cute signs were really my style.”
Yes. Burning school property is the only way to go then.
“Prom’s not really your style,” Kevin scoffs. Taking out his protein bar, he plops down into the grass. “You know, if you’re just doing this for Neil’s sake, it won’t work. Neil’s not gonna wanna go if you don’t. You’re wasting your time.”
Neil cares way more about Andrew’s comfort than his own wants. It makes Kevin want to hit him, but it’s the truth. Neil would secretly love going to prom, but Andrew has to want it too.
And while he admires that Andrew’s willing to do it for Neil, it doesn’t mean Neil will enjoy it. They’re stupidly considerate of each other in that way.
He waits for the expected response, for Andrew to explain how much Neil wants to go or how he’ll suffer it for one night.
But that never comes. Andrew turns his back on him, fiddling with his phone even though Kevin can tell it’s not on.
Oh shit.
Kevin sets his uneaten protein bar down. “Unless…you do?”
More silence.
“Holy shit, you do .”
Andrew nearly growls as he turns around, the smallest patch of red dusting the top of his cheeks. “We’ve never been to a school dance together,” he says begrudgingly. “Or a school anything. Because I always—”
The words die on his throat. Andrew coughs, then goes back to his carving, as if that will send Kevin away. With other people, it might. Andrew’s reputation precedes him. Unfriendly, standoffish, intimidating. Those people have never seen the blond tickle their little brother on the couch. Scarring. Enlightening.
Kevin sighs. He gets it. He thinks of the years of hurt they put each other through, denying, pushing each other away. All that time could’ve been spent together. Even someone who claims to have no regrets has to think about that.
Kevin stands and walks over to where Andrew is standing, not even caring about the knife in his hands. He’s going to say what he has to say.
“Listen you’re both idiots, and you’re an asshole,” Kevin starts.
Andrew rolls his eyes. “I swear, if this is about the sand thing—”
“But you love Neil, I…I know that,” Kevin sighs. “I trust you. With him. Or whatever.”
Kevin blinks at the same time Andrew does, just as surprised as he is. But…he means it. He realizes that now. There’s no one right for Neil but Andrew, no one who makes him happier. That’s all Kevin cares about.
Kevin groans in disgust at himself. “And you guys deserve to be stupid, cheesy teenagers after all these years of bullshit. So, for mine and the world’s sake…take him to prom.”
Because it’s clear they both want to go, and they’ve had enough of denying each other what they want. For fuck’s sake.
After a long beat, Andrew smirks, but his eyes hold a promise. It’s one Kevin knows he won’t break. “That’s the plan.”
Kevin huffs, and goes off in search of somewhere else to eat his lunch.
Kevin has had a grudge against Andrew Dobson since the day he pushed Kevin into the sandbox at the tender age of five. And now, at the age of seventeen, when the blond has upgraded from sand to knives and fire, the grudge remains.
But Andrew made his brother happy, and that was enough for him.