Chapter Text
His mark appears at age six. It’s on his thigh, it’s rather large and its round shape immediately draws his eyes in, curious to know more about it.
Jake’s heard of soulmate marks before, though he doesn’t fully understand them. His mother had explained to him in very simple terms: it’s a mark that links two strangers together, appearing on their body between the ages of six and eight. A mark that shows a little picture of something that connects to another person, kind of like a secret code.
“A donut… split in half,” Shawn mutters, inspecting it closely. “With sprinkles on it, too,”
“I like donuts,” Jake chirps, wiggling his legs happily.
“Yeah, okay, but, a donut, really? For all we know, your soulmate could be Homer Simpson! Congrats!” Shawn laughs, and Jake’s lower lip starts to wobble, his big round eyes watering at both the thought of having such a ridiculous character as his soulmate and at Shawn’s ruthless teasing.
“Stop teasing him, you know he cries easily!” their mother chides, and Shawn mutters some half-hearted apologies between his howls of laughter.
Their father shakes his head at Shawn’s immaturity before speaking up, “Still, a soulmate mark is a mark nonetheless. That means you have a girl out there waiting for you.”
“I wanted it to be as cool as Shawn’s though,” Jake pouts, utterly disappointed—because Shawn’s mark was a drawing of gears and cogs located on his shoulder; which is, undeniably, much cooler than a donut of all things.
“If your soulmate has a cute little donut as a mark then that means she’s definitely sweet! Consider yourself lucky!” his mother says in an attempt to reassure him, and it sticks with him, the way she puts emphasis on the pronoun.
He doesn’t comment on it because, well, he already knows he is going to marry a sweet woman in the future. One that likes donuts, apparently.
The thought brings a small smile to his face. Jake has a sweet tooth and likes donuts too, so he doesn’t dwell on it any further. In the end, it all works out.
The idea of having a fun little drawing on his skin, like a tattoo of sorts, is exciting. He proudly shows it off to his friends, feeling special with his unique mark.
But as quickly as it appears, it becomes just another part of him. The next day, he forgets about it and moves on. After all, like most kids his age, he isn’t exactly interested in love.
Still, his childlike curiosity gets the best of him sometimes. He finds himself staring at the mark intensively from time to time, wondering who is behind the mark and how it’ll play out in the future; but he doesn’t worry about it at all, not in the slightest. His mother has to be right—his soulmate is a sweet girl that likes donuts. No need to worry.
For now, it’s just part of life, and that’s that. He hopes he’ll get along well with her, at least. That’s all that matters.
— 🍩 🍉 —
Over the years, Jake grows up to be a hopeless romantic.
Naturally, his interest in his soulmate mark grows and grows. It’s no longer just a silly tattoo to him. The concept is still mind-boggling to him—a special mark that connects someone to their soulmate appearing on their body, guiding them toward the one person destined to be their perfect match… it’s exciting.
In addition, his life gradually changes. Shawn moves out, Jake matures, he meets new people, starts carving his own path.
He also experiences his first baby steps into the whole dating scene: getting confessed to for the first time, the first few awkward dates, his first break-up, all at age fifteen.
Admittedly, there was nothing wrong with her—she’s sweet and attentive—but Jake ended up realizing he can’t bring himself to like women, despite his efforts.
The brief relationship with that girl in his class quickly ends after a month, and he regrets hurting her by pretending to love her back.
So much for that sweet girl his mother talked about when he was a kid, Jake supposes.
High-school in particular proves itself to be rough. There’s already the fact that his body is changing: he’s maturing, his voice is getting deeper, he goes through his acne phase—all the typical adolescent experiences.
It’s even tougher when you’re not normal. When you love boys when you’re supposed to like girls, that is. (According to his own mother’s words.)
Despite this, Jake is still a flawed, curious teenager. His curiosity gets the best of him, and, despite his parents’ disapproval, he ends up having some flings there and there with some of the boys at school in secret.
In return, that earns him quite the reputation at school, which leads to whispers, stares and mean words being slipped in his locker.
High-school is, in short, a nightmare. A constant battle to be himself despite the bullies, a relentless fight that leaves him exhausted.
And just when he thinks things couldn’t get worse, they do.
His mother finds out one day in the worst possible way.
It happens when Jake and another boy from his class are hanging out near the school, their hands intertwined—a small little victory in his book. A quiet gesture that says to his bullies that he doesn’t care what they think.
“Think someone’s here to pick you up,” he hears the boy say, nodding towards a familiar car pulling up nearby.
Jake turns his head and immediately recognizes the car. His face pales, and he mouths at the boy to leave, letting go of his hand quickly. He hopes it’s his father, at least—he’s undeniably a bit more lenient.
“Jake!” his mother shrieks, startling the both of them.
“What is the meaning of this?!” she demands, trembling with disgust. Jake’s heart starts to hammer against his chest.
“Mom, listen, I can explain—” he starts, but she quickly cuts him off.
“Explain what, exactly? That you’ve been sneaking around boys behind our backs?!” she’s loud, full of anger, and it attracts the attention of many around them. He flinches at the volume, flinches at the stares from the others.
What is happening is nothing short of a nightmare. He wished he would just disappear right now.
The boy slips away, not wanting to be part of the confrontation, leaving Jake to face his mother alone. And, upon seeing that Jake is unable to come up with a proper response, she grabs his arm and drags him to the car, her grip tight and harsh.
“We’re going home. Now,” she says, her tone ice cold. Shying himself from the stare of his peers at school, he lets himself get dragged, accepting his fate.
At the end, he could only blame himself—his little act of rebellion fell short, but it couldn’t have ended in a worse way.
The car ride is quiet and tense. Jake stares at the window, silently preparing himself for the worst day of his entire life. His father will never forgive him, and—shit, he realizes now: Shawn might be home today.
How will Shawn respond?
Jake hates that he doesn’t know.
When he finally gathers the courage to look at her, his mother’s knuckles are white as she grips the steering wheel, her jaw set in a hard line, and that’s when Jake realizes just how badly he fucked up.
He dreads arriving home.
Alas, it doesn’t take much time for them to arrive. His father and Shawn are sitting in the living room, startled by the sound of the front door being slammed. She cruelly leads Jake to them, like a lamb being led to the slaughter.
“Jesus, Mom, what was that?!” Shawn asks after recovering from his scare.
“What’s going on?” his father demands, his eyes flicking between Jake and his wife. Jake sends her a pleading look, silently begging her not to do this, please don’t do this to me.
“Tell him,” she snarls, pushing Jake forward. “Tell your father what you’ve been doing.”
Jake swallows a lump in his throat. “I… I was meeting a boy,” he admits, his gaze fixed on the floor.
It doesn’t surprise him, the way his father’s face distorted with anger, the harsh words being spewed at him, about how much of a disappointment he is being. It makes him flinch, but it’s what he expected from his father.
However…
Despite mentally preparing himself during the car ride, nothing, and he means nothing prepared him for the disappointed stare that Shawn gives him.
Jake knew his parents were homophobic; he had come to terms with that long ago, but he certainly didn’t expect it from Shawn. Such a look coming from his older brother—the one he always admired, the one who he always loved—it throws him off completely.
“I–I can’t change who I am,” Jake tries to defend himself one more time, his attempt feeble and weak. Shawn remains oddly silent, and Jake still can’t bring himself to meet his eyes again.
“You can!” his mother snaps. “You know your soulmate is a girl! You just—I don’t get you!”
“I can’t accept a girl as a soulmate!” Jake argues, his voice a little louder than he intended to.
He will never forget the way his mother’s face contorts upon hearing that.
“You can’t accept a girl as a soulmate?” she repeats, this time, quieter than Jake expected.
“Fine, then! You’re grounded! No more going out, no more phone! Maybe that’ll teach you and straighten you up again!” she screams.
His father, and Shawn—they’re too quiet. He doesn’t like that.
“But, mom—”
“Leave!”
Jake almost bolts out of the living room, trudging up to his room and slamming the door shut. He collapses on his bed, burying his face in his pillow as the tears finally fall. The pain in his chest feels unbearable.
The next day, the boy breaks up with him. Jake went through this countless times, from that one girl to the several flings he’d had in the past, and he knew it’d happen, but this time, it hurts in so many ways possible.
High-school, already a battleground on its own, becomes so much worse after that. The whispers grow louder, the stares more piercing and his strained relationship with his parents only adds to his misery.
Jake quickly loses his will to fight.
— 🍩 🍉 —
He thanks the stars every day for having such a thoughtful, loving grandmother.
It’s entirely thanks to her that his parents finally agreed to lift the grounding. His parents may be terrible human beings, but even they couldn’t deny a dying woman’s wishes.
He graduates, finally escapes that hellish high-school and becomes an adult along the way, though it all feels like a blur at some point.
He’s unsure if he truly grew up the right way, considering he spent most of his time self-wallowing in his room.
Along the way, he makes a resolution: he will never let himself fall into that pit of despair again. That stupid soulmate mark can go to hell, for all he cares. He wants nothing to do with love and romance ever again.
It’s simple, really: if he avoids relationships, he can’t get hurt anymore, and that’s that.
And maybe he’ll end up being normal, too. (Maybe his parents will finally accept him.)
— 🍩 🍉 —
Years pass and things don’t go as planned, as usual.
Despite the resolution he had been so adamant on keeping, Jake is 22 when he meets the love of his life.
The love of his life.
The sentence sounds bizarre at first, almost surreal. For someone who has always had short flings without truly falling in love, the concept feels foreign. A hopeless romantic at twenty-two, yet he’s never experienced the depth of love he’s always dreamed about as a high-schooler.
But this time, it’s different. This time, despite his promise to avoid relationships, he can’t help himself.
He falls, and he falls hard.
Their meeting is nothing out of the ordinary. Jake considers himself lucky when he ends up sitting next to him during one of his classes at university.
He sets up his notebook, ready to start the day, until he feels a presence next to him. He looks up, only to meet eyes with the prettiest guy he has ever seen. Brown, tousled hair, a charming smile and an air of confidence that automatically draws Jake in.
“Is this seat taken?” the guy asks, gesturing to the empty chair next to Jake.
Jake shakes his head. “No, go ahead,”
He ends up distracted by the guy next to him, unable to focus on his professor’s words. There’s this inner battle against himself raging within him, remembering the promise he made to avoid crushes and relationships and everything in between.
The thing is, Jake’s obviously interested in the guy, but nothing tells him he won’t fall in love, and he’s terrified of that. So, he keeps quiet, only sending discreet glances at his neighbor.
It’s during one of the breaks in the lecture that the man finally turns to Jake with that friendly smile of his. “You’ve got beautiful hair. Suits you.”
“Thank you,” Jake giddily replies, his cheeks burning up, and curses himself for being so easily charmed. “I’m Jake, by the way, what’s your name?”
“The name’s Troy. Nice to meet you.”
The meeting feels underwhelming—far from the grand, romantic scenarios Jake had once imagined as a high-schooler. But it’s the beginning of Jake’s happiest days.
And then, things quickly change—they go from acquaintances to friends to something deeper in such a short time. They spend more time together, where Jake doesn’t have to pretend, this time. Where he’s finally himself, finally free from his past chains.
Jake learns what it means to love and be loved in return. They share their first kiss, their date, and every moment feels different from the meaningless relationships Jake had before—it feels right.
Jake is 22 when he dates the love of his life.
This time, it doesn’t feel bizarre nor surreal.
This time, it feels right.
— 🍩 🍉 —
Jake doesn’t really think about his soulmate mark again after that.
He highly doubts Troy is his soulmate, especially considering that Troy is rather evasive on the subject. Every time Jake tries to bring it up, Troy insists that it’s private and that he needs time to reveal something so personal.
Content with what he has with Troy, Jake eventually lets the subject drop. He’s happy with the relationship as it is, and the idea of soulmates fades into the background.
That is, until Troy casually mentions his fondness for donuts. See, apparently, his father owns a company that sells them, and Troy is apparently bound to inherit it in the future.
And, well, Jake has a donut on his thigh, so, naturally, his curiosity piques.
That’s why Jake is insanely excited when, after a month of dating, Troy finally agrees to show him his soulmate mark, during a quiet evening after a particularly long study session. Almost like a reward for his hard work, in a way.
“Really? You’d finally let me see it?” Jake says, grinning with anticipation.
“Look for yourself,” Troy says as he lifts the leg of his pants, revealing his own thigh.
To match with Jake’s, his mark happened to be one in the shape of a triangle-shaped watermelon slice, located on the center of his left thigh.
“Pretty sure it represents you. A watermelon. Because you love those, right?”
The mark definitely looked rather bizarre and kind of out of place; Jake wasn’t sure if it was the texture or the odd color, but it was there nonetheless, and confirmed that they were, in fact, soulmates.
There’s something about that mark that finally makes Jake feel complete—finally finding the thing he missed and had sought for all his life: his soulmate.
It’s no longer a fleeting fantasy, it’s real. Jake doesn’t know if he’s dreaming or not, but it’s everything he’s ever wanted.
“I wanted to be sure before I showed it to you, you know? But I think you’re my soulmate,” Troy tells him, and oh, no words could properly explain the way Jake’s heart just swells with happiness.
“I’m so happy right now, you have no idea,” Jake says, absolutely smitten, and he melts when Troy kisses him on the nape of his neck. “Me too, sweetheart.”
“I can’t believe my mark’s a watermelon,” Jake comments in awe, lightly tracing his finger over Troy’s mark. “I thought it would be something else entirely.”
“Doesn’t surprise me, you did eat that watermelon full that day.” Troy laughs.
“Haha, did I?” Jake sheepishly says, and yeah, he hadn’t realized how fond he was of watermelons himself.
That night, as he lies next to Troy and stares at his sleeping face in a loving daze, Jake decides to grow out his hair. He remembers Troy’s first words to him. You’ve got beautiful hair. Suits you.
Jake really can’t deny Troy anything, can he?
— 🍩 🍉 —
A part of him dreads the idea of telling his parents about Troy, considering keeping it a secret just to spare himself the pain, but he knows he can’t do that. Troy is his soulmate, the one fated to him.
If Jake wants to spend the rest of his life with Troy, he’ll have to tell his parents about it because they’ll find out one way or another. The thought of it terrifies him, but he considers it a chance to come out on his own terms, not like the time his mother practically forced him.
One day, feeling particularly brave thanks to his newfound happiness, Jake finally brings up Troy.
His parents are quick to object to it, but Jake shuts them up by mentioning his grandmother, rambling about how delighted she was to hear about it and how she’d be devastated to see them hurt him.
It works, for the most part. They still show they’re unhappy, but they don’t do anything about it, at least.
Surprisingly, Shawn is okay with it. He sends Jake a simple ‘congratulations’ and a thumbs-up emoji, as if he didn’t give Jake that look of disappointment back in high-school when he first found out his brother was gay. The hypocrisy stings, but Jake decides to focus on the present.
Either way, a win is a win. Jake will take it.
— 🍩 🍉 —
It starts off well at first. They’re happy and carefree, like a newlywed couple, except they’re soulmates, which makes it even better. The fairytale Jake’s always dreamed of.
Everything seems perfect, yes, until it slowly starts going downhill.
Over time, Jake doesn’t recognize the man he fell in love with anymore. No longer thoughtful, no longer sweet. Jake misses his light and gentle touches. Troy starts to change, and gets a bit too… honest at times. Rude, even.
At first, he dismisses it as Troy being rightfully upset when his father tells him that he’s no longer inheriting the company, but it persists, and persists, and Troy just grows even harsher, somehow.
Always snappy, always secretive. Always criticizing, especially Jake’s appearances. Always dismissive of Jake’s feelings, insisting that he’s too sensitive and that it’s ‘no wonder no one else could put up with him’.
And Jake accepts it all, because Troy’s words do hold some truth, in a way.
Nobody else could tolerate him. His family is out of the question, all of his friendships have dwindled. He can’t bear to lose his soulmate—he can’t bear to lose the only person that puts up with him.
Blinded by love and deeply attached, he manages to find an excuse for every vile words Troy says to him, convincing himself that everything is fine and that Troy is just being harsh to help him become a better person.
Except, like every good thing that happens in Jake’s life, it doesn’t last.
It ends on a Saturday’s rainy afternoon, right after their exams.
Jake’s idea was rather simple. He thought of surprising Troy by visiting him at his apartment with his favorite donuts, since both could use a treat after such a stressful week.
That’s how he finds himself hurrying through the downpour, careful to keep the donuts dry under his jacket. He successfully reaches Troy’s apartment building, knowing the way by heart from his many visits.
Everything seems normal—he really can’t wipe that giddy smile off his face—until he hears faint laughter from inside as he approaches Troy’s door.
A laughter that doesn’t quite sound like Troy.
Jake’s smile dies on his lips.
He tries to reassure himself, thinking that it’s coming from the TV. Despite his doubts, he wants to trust Troy. They’re soulmates, after all. Troy may have issues, and their relationship may be strained, but he’d never cheat.
He still knocks despite his doubts. The laughing stops abruptly.
Then, Troy opens the door, seemingly startled. “Jake? Huh? What—what are you doing here?”
“I wanted to surprise you,” Jake says, holding up the box of donuts with a strained smile. “I thought we could celebrate getting through exams.”
Troy forces a smile of his own, but the way his eyes dart nervously behind him doesn’t lie. “Yeah, uh, now’s not a great time. I’m kinda busy. Come back later, alright?”
Before Troy can close the door in his face, a man’s voice calls from inside. “Troy, who is it?”
Jake hates the look of panic in Troy’s eyes. He hates the way his heart drops to his stomach upon hearing that unfamiliar voice.
Abruptly, he pushes past Troy, barges in the living room and finds another man on the couch, shamelessly wearing one of Troy’s shirts. The poor guy looks just as surprised as Jake, if not more.
“What the hell?” Jake mutters, his voice rising. “What the hell is going on?!”
“Look, if you’d just calm down, I can explain,” Troy says, reaching out to touch Jake’s arm.
Jake quickly pulls away, his voice trembling with rising anger. “What the fuck do you want to explain? That you’ve been cheating on me this entire time, huh?!”
“It was just a one time stand, don’t act like I was cheating the entire time,” Troy corrects him, scowling.
“Oh, so that makes it better?” Jake asks, his eyes getting teary. “You still cheated!”
“Dude, I didn’t know,” the man awkwardly says between their arguing. Jake ignores him, gripping the box so tightly that it crumples.
“I thought you loved me. What changed?” Jake finally asks, his voice small. The tears finally trail down his cheeks.
Jake knows Troy hates his cries. Troy always yelled at him whenever he cried, telling him how annoying and overly sensitive he was, but he couldn't help himself this time.
“Ugh, I don’t have time for this. You know what, I’m breaking up with you. God, you’re so boring, don’t blame me for looking elsewhere!” Troy clicks his teeth in frustration, and then follows pure, shocked silence.
“Seriously?” Jake breaks the silence in shock, incredulous. “Seriously, you cheat on me then break up with me?!”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing,” Troy says, not sounding remorseful in the slightest. “You’re pissing me off, just go.”
Jake is frozen, staring at Shawn in shock, confusion, disbelief, his emotions hitting him like a tidal wave.
Finally, he regains some control, his limbs finally able to move. He drops the box of donuts on the ground, and runs out of the apartment, letting himself get drenched in the rain.
Jake runs, and runs, and runs until his legs hurt, not really caring where he ends up. All he knows is that he wants to get away, he needs to get away.
Oh, he wishes his mother had been right. If only his soulmate was a sweet girl like she had said, perhaps nothing in his life would’ve gone wrong. But he just had to love men, and he just had to fall in love with a douchebag too.
What an idiot.
He really should’ve stuck to his own promise.
.
.
.
The next day hits hard, the reality of what happened sinking in like a lead weight. He spends the morning in a daze, paralyzed on his bed.
His phone continuously buzzes due to Troy’s many calls. It makes him mad, makes him want to rip his ears off, but curiosity gets the better of him as always, and which is why he finally answers one of the calls.
“What do you want?” Jake snaps, sharp.
“Take me back,” Troy pleads.
“What?” Jake almost laughs in disbelief, but it comes out as a broken, bitter sound.
“I was drunk, okay?! I didn’t know what I was saying!” Troy says, his tone bordering on begging. “Just take me back, Jake! We were meant to be together!”
There’s no hint of an apology in Troy’s words, just a desperate attempt at getting Jake back.
Of course. What did Jake expect, exactly?
“That doesn't excuse anything! What the fuck was that?” Jake scowls. “You cheat on me then you break up with me then you dare to call me back?! To tell me we’re ‘meant together’? Fuck off!”
He tries to sound strong, but the way his voice is shaking betrays him entirely.
“Whatever! I know you’ll come back to me anyways,” Troy snaps, his voice no longer gentle. The sudden shift sends a shiver down Jake’s spine. “I’m the only one that can tolerate your shitty personality anyways!”
Jake winces at the harsh words, despite being used to them by now.
“We’re soulmates, Jake!” Troy continues, his tone desperate again. “Don’t you forget that!”
He wants to sob. The reminder that they are soulmates feels like a cruel joke now. Life’s not fair.
“Soulmates or not, I can’t accept cheating,” He hangs up before Troy can respond, his hand shaking so badly he almost drops the phone.
It truly is over.
The weight of the events crashes over him in full force.
It truly is over.
He curls up on his bed, tears streaming down his face as he finally lets out the sobs he’s been holding back. They’re loud and might alarm his parents, but he can’t bring himself to care. His pillow ends up being soaked with his tears.
It truly is over.
— 🍩 🍉 —
Jake tries to see the good in it, at least.
In a way, he’s finally free from Troy’s toxic grasp. He should be happy, and yet…
He can’t move on, no matter how much he tries. He mourns what could’ve been, mourns his past relationship.
It starts to take a toll on him, finding himself frequently skipping classes due to how weak and tired he feels, even if the guilt is eating him alive.
Ultimately, he stops going entirely, and then, he drops out, not able to handle it anymore. He can’t handle anything anymore; his parents’ disappointment, his heartbreak, his loneliness. It’s all just a haze at this point.
That leads to his parents getting tired of him moping around the house.
“See, if you fell in love with a woman instead,” his mother sneers, her tone dripping with disdain. “Then none of this would’ve happened.”
“But—but he’s my soulmate! It was bound to happen either way!” Jake argues, almost desperate, but his parents remain firmly set in their views.
That’s why his father, arms crossed, scowls at him, “And who told you that? It could be just a coincidence. Nothing tells you that boy is your soulmate.”
To Jake’s complete shock, Shawn steps in. “It’s too big of a coincidence, Dad.”
Jake stares at him, silent, surprised. He had done such a good job at avoiding Shawn that he almost forgot his older brother was visiting for the week-end.
Either way, he can’t understand why Shawn is defending him. Wasn’t he disgusted by him as well? Jake remembers that disappointed look vividly.
“Who asked you?” his mother snaps, her gaze sharp as she turns to Shawn, “You have to stop defending him everytime he screws up, or he won’t learn!”
“It happens, Mom! Some soulmates are dicks and it happens. That boy is still his soulmate, no matter what happens.” Shawn counters, and his mother’s scowl deepens somehow.
“Well, the least he could do is try to find a job, because the bills aren’t gonna pay themselves! And maybe this time, he could try to make more efforts, instead of giving it all up for nothing!” his father says.
Jake desperately wants to retort, to defend himself, but in the end, nothing comes out of his mouth.
“I mean, really, dropping out of college? After all the sacrifices we made to get you there, you throw it all away because of some boy toying with you?!” his father says.
The use of the word toying hurts way more than it should.
“You need to grow up and face your responsibilities instead of running away at the slightest inconvenience, do you hear me?!”
Jake hates that his father is right. He is indeed a coward, because he did run away—he let Troy get the best of him, and he ended up flunking his future because of that; nothing could even justify that.
That’s why he can’t even muster a proper response, passively accepting the harsh words thrown at him. He makes no attempt at denying them either, because they’re true.
It doesn’t make it any less hurtful, though.
“Such a cute mark, only for it to be wasted for a boy,” Jake hears his mother mutter under her breath before she leaves the room.
His father shoots him one last scornful look, as if to tell him, look what you’re doing to us, before he follows her, slamming the door behind him.
Jake has always been, in his mother’s words, “a sensible boy” who “cries easily” according to her, and it turns out she wasn’t wrong, because he really can’t stop the tears rolling down his cheeks as he grips his hair in an attempt to calm down.
“They’re gonna understand, one way or another.” Shawn apologetically says as he sits beside his little brother, patting his back awkwardly. “Trust me,”
Jake almost flinches away from the touch, but stays put nonetheless. It’s a small gesture, but it tells Shawn that, in some way, Jake has forgiven him.
“I don’t know, they’ve been like this ever since I came out during high-school,” and he could see Shawn wince in the corner of his eyes.
“I’m tired, Shawn, I really am. They have no idea what I’m going through. I don’t even care about college! I never did! I only did it because it’d make them happy since they’re so disappointed that I’m—” Jake cuts himself abruptly, because he can’t bring himself to say it.
Gay. That was the word he was going for. His parents were disappointed in him for being gay.
And he tried to make up for it, he really did. That’s why he went to college in the first place, to make them happy, to make them proud and to make them look at him the same way they looked at Shawn—full of love, admiration; so different from the scowls and sneers Jake often gets in return.
And now, with no degree to prove himself, with a heart shattered and broken into many pieces and barely enough strength to go on, he’s left wondering over and over again: why does he always end up ruining things?
The grip on his hair gets tighter if possible as he tries to hold back his tears, but no matter how much he tries, they still fall to the ground.
“I know, dude, I know. Let them think whatever they want,”
Jake appreciates Shawn’s efforts, at least, but the thing is, he has no idea what being gay in a conservative household really is. That’s why he can’t bring himself to fully confide in him—not after that disappointed look Shawn sent him that still haunts his nightmares.
“Just—leave, please,” Jake mutters, his voice breaking.
“You sure?” Shawn asks, hesitating.
“Yeah, I just want to be alone right now,” Jake insists, avoiding Shawn’s concerned gaze.
“Alright, take your time.” Shawn says, standing up reluctantly. He hesitates at the doorway, glancing back one last time before closing the door gently behind him, leaving Jake all alone—again.
He’s getting used to it, by now. All he does is cry, cry, cry—this time, it’s no different.
— 🍩 + 🍉 —
Another sleepless night finds Jake lying on his bed, unable to stop thinking about his parents’ words.
Such a cute mark, only for it to be wasted for a boy.
Jake can’t shake those words off his mind in particular.
She’s not wrong, in a way. It would’ve been a cute soulmate mark if it wasn’t tied to his stupid, cheating ex. He almost wants to laugh at the irony, to think that mark came from such a rotten soul.
Soulmate marks are supposed to be special, a link between you and your fated, perfect match.
Yet, Jake hates it. He hates that damned mark. He hates the person behind it, too. It’s a painful reminder of his ex, tainting his skin for eternity. A bitter memento of that rainy day when he had found his boyfriend with another man.
It absolutely infuriates him, not being able to do anything about it. It frustrates him to bear it. Everything about that mark just angers him.
Jake’s eyes are instinctively drawn to the serrated blade hidden inside his drawer.
He promised himself he wouldn’t touch it again—he hadn’t touched it since his high-school days, but if that means getting rid of that mark…
Eyes wide, Jake isn’t thinking straight when he trails it over his thigh—that damned thigh that ruins him.
SLASH!
He doesn’t even fully realize the gravity of his action until he almost can’t see the mark anymore, the blood seeping out of his wound covering it.
Jake stares at his thigh, horrified. The sharp pain almost prevents him from getting up, from even moving. His own hand makes its way to his mouth, the other on his thigh, the blood trailing down his leg.
“Shit,” Jake whispers to himself, biting his lip. He didn’t mean to cut it that deeply.
Luckily—or unfortunately, really—it’s not his first time dealing with… that. At least, he knows how to handle it.
He didn’t expect to spend the rest of his night nursing his own thigh, but it’s the consequences of his actions, he supposes.
The blood ends up staining his sheets and the floor, and when his mother asks him about that, he manages to find an excuse, about how his nose suddenly started bleeding in the middle of the night.
And then, he never speaks of it again. Jake keeps his thigh hidden from himself and others thanks to his shorts and a nicely placed bandage over it. Pretending as if he simply didn’t have a mark, acting as if it wasn’t there anymore.
Screw soulmates, and screw the marks, too.
— 🍩 + 🍉 —
His grandmother’s health is getting worse. Every time he visits her, it feels like a dagger to his heart. The hospital becomes a place of both comfort and sorrow for him. It’s difficult for him to see her so frail, lying in the bed with tubes and machines surrounding her.
“You know, you don’t have to exclusively date your soulmate.” his grandmother tells him one day during his visit, her voice weak but warm. “So that boy broke your heart, I understand, but—but please—”
She coughs, a harsh, rattling sound that makes Jake’s heart clench painfully. He reaches out, holding her hand gently.
“But please know that, there’s someone else beyond that mark, waiting for you.” she continues.
He tries to keep his smile up when he brings up the mark, remembering the previous night.
“Don’t let this one heartbreak define your life, Jake.”
Despite her condition, her words carry a weight that he can’t shake off. She’s always been his rock, after all.
“You’re right, Grandma,” Jake tells her, his smile tender and fond despite the lump in his throat. It’s a bit hard to believe her words fully, but her encouragement helps greatly. “Thank you.”
When Jake leaves the hospital, he feels a strange sense of peace, unlike the usual worry that gnaws at him. Her words still echo in his mind.
There’s someone else beyond that mark.
It’s not truly over.
— 🍩 🍉 —
Slowly but surely, Jake finally begins to heal, mending his broken pieces little by little. It’s mostly out of stubborness—if his grandmother were to recover, he’d never forgive himself for letting her see him like this.
He recalls her words over and over again. Don’t let this one heartbreak define your life, Jake.
That’s why he forces himself to leave the house more often, starts to rekindle his old friendships initially lost thanks to Troy’s isolation. The process is slow and awkward at first, and, even if he feels awfully lonely, he tries.
It’s better than rotting in his bed, constantly plagued by dark thoughts.
Despite his strong jealousy towards Shawn, he tries to push those thoughts aside, makes a great effort to let his brother live his own life.
It’s difficult to pretend, when he sees how much better Shawn is faring in comparison. He has everything Jake wants: a good relationship, a well-paying job, a thriving social life, and most of all, their parents’ love and approval.
However, he’s determined to honor his grandmother’s wisdom.
Don’t let this one heartbreak define your life, Jake.
— 🍩 🍉 —
At the same time, almost like a mirror to his emotional state, his injury starts to heal. It leaves a nasty scar, stretching across his mark, but the drawing ends up intact, almost untouched.
He still can’t bring himself to look at it, but it’s a nice start, at least.
— 🍩 🍉 —
His hair ends up growing into a tangled mess, leaving him with countless knots and fragile ends. Fragile—like him, in a way. That’s why getting rid of those feels like the best option; to let go of his frail self, grow into something new.
It sounded way better in his head, but either way, he loves the symbolism behind it.
That’s why, one day, Jake decides to do something drastic when his parents aren’t home. He heads to the bathroom, carefully avoiding meeting his own gaze in the mirror, then takes a pair of scissors from the cabinet.
Grow into something new.
With a shaky sigh, he finally gathers the courage and starts cutting, careful not to touch his bangs.
Snip, snip, snip. Each cut feels like severing the ropes that tied him to Troy. Another cut—another rope going down. Snip, snip, snip.
It takes him time, but with each cut, he feels lighter somehow. He runs a hand through his hair, feeling the newfound freedom in its shorter length.
At least, it comforts him to know that his parents will probably approve, because God knows how often they’ve commented on his long hair—not because it was damaged, but because it was long. Too long.
“Jake? You there?” a familiar voice shouts from the living room, startling him. “Mom gave me the keys so I can pick up the bike!”
Jake bites his lip, the sound of Shawn’s voice jolting him back to reality.
“Y–Yeah,” he stammers. “I’m in the bathroom.”
Shawn finds him standing there, his hands still holding the scissors. The first thing that Shawn’s eyes are drawn to are his hair, obviously.
“That’s a new look,” Shawn comments, raising a brow.
“Yeah, my hair was getting too long,” Jake says, trying to sound casual.
“Is it because of something he said?” Shawn asks with a scowl on his face.
They aren’t very close due to their age difference, and Jake didn’t like to bother him with his issues while Shawn was getting engaged to his own soulmate.
Still, Jake had reluctantly confided in him about Troy after their whole break-up, and that’s why Shawn gets somewhat protective when Jake brings up his ex.
“Not at all, I did it on my own.” Jake shakes his head, enjoying how light it feels. “You ever heard the saying that hair holds memories?”
“...No.” Shawn replies curiously.
“Well, I thought it made sense, so I decided to cut my hair and start anew,” Jake explains with a shrug. The explanation sounds hollow, even to his own ears, but it’s the best he can manage.
Jake could tell Shawn didn’t quite get it but still wants to be supportive nonetheless. “Good for you, bud.” Shawn says, with a thumbs-up.
Then, he takes a good look at Jake’s attempt at a haircut, noticing the uneven edges. “Still though, I’ll help you with the touch-ups, ‘cause it’s not entirely perfect yet,”
“Yeah, I’m sure the behind looks awful,” Jake jokes, but his laughter doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
Shawn brings him a chair and Jake sits in the middle of the bathroom, surrounded by many blue strands on the floor. There’s a silence that settles between the two of them as Shawn starts cutting, and, despite Shawn having never cut someone’s hair before, Jake finds himself trusting him completely.
“Do you think Mom and Dad will finally accept me this time? If I don’t… look like a woman,” Jake breaks the silence, uncertain as he recalls his mother’s words.
Do you think you’ll finally accept me for who I am? Jake thinks, but it goes unsaid.
“Who cares about what they think?” Shawn asks him, concentrating on evening out the rough edges.
Jake stays silent this time, unable to respond to that. He tightly grips the hem of his shirt as he sits neatly on the chair.
What does Shawn know anyways?
He always had his parents’ endless support; they always showered him with love. He doesn’t know what it feels to live without it—he doesn’t understand what Jake is going through.
Of course Jake cares about what they think.
“Don’t change just for them, alright? Do it for yourself. ‘Cause one day you’re gonna move out and live your life, like me!” Shawn points to himself with a proud grin. “Then it won’t matter if they support you or not,”
It matters to him, though. It matters because he wants to feel that same acceptance and admiration.
“Oh, that reminds me, congrats on being engaged by the way,” Jake weakly says, trying his best to hide his snarling jealousy behind his gentle smile.
“Oh, uh, thanks,” Shawn awkwardly replies, avoiding Jake’s gaze on the reflection of the mirror.
Jake knows Shawn doesn’t like to talk about his soulmate when Jake is around, simply out of pity, considering how badly the whole “date your soulmate” idea ended up for his little brother.
Jake looks away, his mind wandering elsewhere. “Do you really think it’ll ever get better?” he finally asks after a moment of silence, his voice barely above a whisper.
Shawn pauses, lowering the scissors. “Yeah, I do. It’ll get better, trust me. You just gotta hold on, bud.”
Jake simply nods, though not entirely convinced. As the final strands fall and Shawn steps back to admire his work, Jake looks at his reflection.
His hair is shorter, neater. It’s not just a new hairstyle; he hopes it’s a new beginning.
— 🍩 🍉 —
A year passes, and Jake realizes that moving on is not as easy as he had hoped. Cutting his hair might have helped a bit, but it still isn’t entirely enough.
His hair has gotten quite long after that sudden haircut. It doesn’t touch his shoulders yet, but it’s getting there—a symbol of how much he’s grown, in a way, having detached himself from Troy completely.
And, sometimes, he has good days, and sometimes, he has bad days. But, overall, despite his enthusiastic efforts, his life doesn’t exactly get better though.
Everything is still going so, so bad. His relationship with his parents is not improving in the slightest. His grandmother being on the brink of death is not helping at all.
In a desperate attempt to hold on to something, to someone, he tries to reach out to Shawn, who happens to be the only one in his life that somewhat cares about him, besides his weakened grandmother, whom he couldn’t bear to trouble with his problems.
And Shawn was willing to help him at first, perhaps as a way to make amends for his silence during all that shitshow that had happened during Jake’s high-school years, or maybe to apologize for his reaction when their mother forced Jake to come out.
Except—even though Shawn doesn’t outright say it, Jake knows he’s growing tired of him.
He can tell that Shawn is getting tired of having to put up with his mood swings. He can see it in how utterly disconnected Shawn seems when Jake opens up to him again and again and again after they’ve been estranged for years.
He can tell when, through his tears, he sees Shawn’s nonchalant stare and tired eyes, harshly reminding him that he is a burden to everyone around him.
The guilt gnaws at him relentlessly, making him feel like he’s dragging Shawn down with him. It’s so heavy that he sometimes makes him think about doing everyone a favor by ending it all.
It’s devastating to feel abandoned by one of the few people that loves you. That’s why, in a way, Jake feels almost betrayed, because he thought he could trust Shawn, and yet… once again, like every good thing that happens in Jake’s life, nothing lasts.
Deep down, Jake knows it's entirely his own fault, as always. There’s only so much one can do before they give up because you’re not getting better.
Knowing Shawn has a life outside of his family, it makes sense that Shawn is growing distant. He’s living his life—and Jake eventually realizes, over time, that it's time to live his own.
Don’t let this one heartbreak define your life, Jake.
That is why he jumps at the opportunity of joining Disventure Camp, a new reality show that involves challenges and a million dollars to the winner.
In his eyes, nothing could go wrong: he’d show Troy that he wasn’t pathetic and dependent on him anymore, that he had grown. That he would not bring Shawn down anymore, to show him that his past efforts were worth it, to show his family that he can be just as good as his brother. Show himself to the world with a new found self-confidence, too.
Not to mention that a million dollars would insanely help—to move out, mostly, because his relationship with his parents was going down the drain.
Jake musters up the courage to bring it up during dinner one evening.
“Sooo, I’m thinking of auditioning for a cool reality show called Disventure Camp,” Jake starts as he tries to find the right words to convince his parents.
“Because I want to meet new people and experience something new. Better than moping around like you said, right?” he offers as explanation.
As expected, they aren’t enthusiastic about the idea of letting their son plaster himself on national television for all to see. Jake braces himself once more—he’s used to this by now, the constant need to carefully plan what to say around his parents.
“A reality show? Really?” his mother scoffs, glancing at the pamphlet Jake had handed her. “I thought I told you to get a job, not to fool around and run away from your responsibilities.”
“Well, it’s better than him moping around in the house, I suppose,” his father sighs, not exactly thrilled either, but somewhat resigned. “It’s whatever, Jake, just don’t embarrass us again.”
Again. The word stings, but Jake pretends not to feel anything when he hears it.
Their conversation ends rather abruptly, and he quickly excuses himself to retreat to his room after dinner in a hurry—anything to escape their judgmental eyes. He shuts the door behind him and leans against it, exhaling a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
The next day, he receives a voice message from his older brother. His mother must’ve told him everything, and Jake suspects in the form of a rant, too.
“So, uh,” Shawn’s voice sounds awkward, and Jake can sense how much they’ve drifted apart just by his tone alone.
“Joining Disventure Camp, huh? Didn’t think you’d be interested in reality TV. Well, I don’t know what to say except good luck, Jake. I’ll cheer you on whenever I can!” — Beep.
Jake replies with a simple heart emoji and nothing more.
Somehow, even though his audition tape is far from perfect, he gets accepted and his parents aren’t exactly thrilled, but he is a grown man capable of making his own decisions. And, for the first time in a long while, he feels excited.
This is his chance to prove himself—to everyone, but most importantly, to himself. He’s not going to let this opportunity slip away.
And so, when the day finally arrives, Jake eagerly heads off to Camp Tipiskaw on a bus, rather hopeful for what the camp has to offer.
Don’t let this one heartbreak define your life, Jake.