Chapter Text
Ranma was simmering on the Tendo roof. Not literally, despite the summer heat, but was simmering nonetheless. Ranma was wearing what looked like to be one of her classic dresses—that pink floofy one with the puffed sleeves that usually worked on hapless fuckboys—though it seemed to be torn and a bit ragged. Ranma grumbled as she pulled out a handful of twigs from the lace and flicked them onto the grounds below.
Ranma was pissed.
There was a great number of reasons why she'd be pissed, given the turbulent life she's had, but today she was pissed for a real good reason.
It all started when Ryoga got a goddamn magic compass. The compass itself was useless as Ryoga could follow a straight line and still get lost. If all it did was point at where you wanted to go, a function it supposedly had, it would be a must have in the search of a cure. One problem, however: not only did you need to know what it was you were looking for, but the moment you closed the compass it *flung you*—at TOP SPEED—to it as fast as possible. The sort of top speeds that would crush even a trained martial artist. You had to some sort of man of steel to survive the journey, let alone the landing.
Or be Ryoga.
He was fine.
Every time.
He was fine crashing through walls, through trees, through the very goddamn toilet Ranma was on. Be it night or day, all the while yelling "This is your fault!"
Ranma hadn't had a peaceful night's sleep in weeks. It was hard to when Ryoga would randomly fly into the room with the force of a torpedo. And the times he even used the Breaking Point? Those were immeasurably worse, with shrapnel flying so wildly it would land in the neighbours yard. Everything was going to shit: Akane bought a pair of headphones since the explosions were giving her headaches; Nabiki was so frustrated by the repair costs that Ranma had caught her chewing on a repair bill; and at some point Kasumi *frowned*. Everyone was losing it.
It didn't make any sense either. Ever since he, Ryoga, and Mousse dealt with Herb everything seemed to chill out—for Nerima at least. Ryoga and Mousse, while still fairly insistent on beating Ranma, were far less aggressive and stopped jumping him in the middle of the street. So for Ryoga to go back to this after all this time seemed almost out of character.
In any case, Ranma retaliated as she does: she was going to steal it from him. And whenever subterfuge (a word Ranma did not know) was needed, it meant disguises (dresses) and cunning (flirting). In this case, Ranma was wearing one of her favorite dresses, the pink one with puffed sleeves—not that she'd ever admit she favored anything girly. To top her disguise she had let her hair down, paired it with a small boater hat, and put on some glasses. Even Ranma thought she looked good.
"It'll be as easy as taking candy from a pig," she had proudly huffed.
It was easy enough to find Ryoga, as his tent was set up in the park nearby. Ranma was surprised at the clear lack of craters nearby. At the very least it seems he wasn't using the compass for the return trips. While curious, it wasn't what Ranma was here for so she brushed off the thought.
It didn't take long for her to find Ryoga off to the side. He had a bunch of bandanas wrapped around his forearm like a sleeve. He seemed to be trying to focus energy into them. As the bandanas hummed and shook, it almost looked like there were about to move, only for the bandanas to burst out in every direction, flying through like helpless cloth.
Good. He seemed distracted.
"Oh wow!" Ranma said, practically skipping over to Ryoga, just out of reach of his training. "Are you one of those martial artist-types I've seen around? That's so cool!" Ranma used her sing-songiest of tones, really playing up the feminine aspect. Ryoga was often not appreciated so while he would never admit it, Ranma knew he loved the fangirl type.
Ryoga turned quickly, clearly not used to having fans. He was practically pre-blush as he turned but caught himself on the heel. He squinted, suspicious almost immediately. The Hibiki face-blindness wasn't doing him any favors, but there was something suspiciously familiar about this one.
"I'm Rinne!" Ranma practically squeaked as she flung herself into his embrace. "And wow, gosh you're so strong! What's the secret of your strength!?" The sugar in her tone and mannerisms were saccharine, overtly and overly so. It was a level of sweetness that Ranma figured all guys like, but Ryoga's expression was starting to darken.
"Uhh, just exercising a ton. Lotsa lifting, fighting wild animals..."
"Oh gosh! Animals!? That's so cool! And they're so cute! I couldn't ever imagine hurting one. But you must be pretty strong to deal with em!" Ranma gushed as she practically wrapped both her arms around one of Ryoga's. "Say, I swear I've seen flying around town! What's your secret?"
"Hey, c'mon, I can't really talk about that I'm just-" Ryoga tried to squirm out of her death grip to no avail.
"Oh pleaaaaaaaase, pretty please?" Ranma batted her eyes slowly.
"Look miss, I don't think this is all that appropriate, I've got to get back to training and I-"
"...If you tell me," Ranma paused, pressing a finger on her lip seductively, "I just might wanna kiss you..."
Ryoga sighed deeply, trying to bury his blush with rage. "Come on Ranma, and just get-" he said, reeling his arm back and suddenly throwing the girl attached to his arm into the air, "OFFA ME!"
Despite the sudden and seemingly unprovoked toss, Ranma quickly caught herself in the air with a flip to slow down her momentum. She placed her hands to catch her hat and keep her dress from fluttering as she fell back to earth.
"Jeez Ryoga! Whaddya do that for!? What if I was a real girl!?" Ranma said, completely bewildered. She couldn't even fathom how Ryoga could possibly known it was her. "There's no way you saw through that! That disguise was perfect!"
"Yeah," Ryoga scoffed, "perfect when you used it the first time you pretended to be my fiance!" Ryoga's battle aura rose immensely and Ranma almost balked at the heat. It only got worse as Ryoga snapped his compass shut and torpedoed towards Ranma foot first.
"Ah, shoot-!" Ranma exclaimed as she barely raised her arms up to block. The force of the kick sent her flying, tumbling across the ground and into the bushes. Ranma immediately popped out of the bushes, fuming. "Hey watch it! You're gonna ruin this thing!"
"Great! Maybe it'll give you an excuse to get something new," Ryoga said, slowly crouching down into a battle stance. "Come on Ranma, your disguises are getting as old as your tricks, don't cha think?"
In response to that Ranma just threw a rock at Ryoga's head. For anyone else it might have given a mild concussion, but for Ryoga it seemed to just bounce harmlessly off of him. Then there was another rock, then another, then another, then another as Ranma childishly threw rocks at him.
"Really!?" Ryoga yelled out as Ranma's assault only continued. Having just enough Ryoga punched into the ground, sending a wave of ki into the ground to break off a large boulder from the earth below.
"If you wanna play with rocks, then fine!" Ryoga yelled, heaving the boulder onto his shoulders and giving it a heavy toss towards Ranma.
Ranma yelped as she only narrowly avoided the giant rock. "Watch it you big oaf!" She yelled, shaking her fist at him as she stomped on over.
"You were just throwing rocks at me!"
"Pebbles at best! You threw a freaking boulder! You could've ruined my clothes an everythin'!"
"It's probably ratty by now! This is the fourth time you've used that look on me but I could tell from a mile away," Ryoga tiredly said as he relaxed out of his full-on combat stance. "The second time I thought was a weird coincidence that some girl in the same dress was all into me, and heck even the third time it was starting to get suspicious."
"So how'd you figure it-"
"Cause you always act the same, Ranma!" Ryoga said, towering over Ranma and poking her in the forehead. "You're this sugar sweet, 'there's no way this is real' girl that just butters me up and tries to take advantage of me. At this point it's not even realistic!"
"What?" Ranma was incredulous. "Of course girls act this way! They're always trying to flatter guys! Just look at Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi, and--" Ranma paused.
Aside from those three, who actually acted like that? He and Akane were always fighting, Kasumi was just nice, and Nabiki was always trying to blackmail him she never really flattered him... Ranma rubbed her chin, lost in thought and slowly realizing that maybe basing her girl personality off the craziest bunch might have been misguided.
"Ranma," Ryoga smirked, "as someone with plenty of experience with women--"
Ranma raised her eyebrows. "You dated one girl, and it didn't even last six months."
"As someone with PLENTY of experience with woman," he emphasized loudly, "I can say, for certain, without a doubt, that you have nothing going on for you as a girl!"
"Urk!" Ranma stepped back, that hit landing deeper than she expected.
"You're uncharming, you're undelicate, and as dumb as a brick!"
Each claim seemed to strike Ranma invisibly, as distress colored her features with every blow.
"Face it Ranma. I'm immune to your crap! So you better get stronger, cause your tricks ain't getting better and you ain't getting prettier!"
"S-says you, you creep! I'll show you! I'm super cute! You just don't have any taste!" Ranma's eyes watered with frustration but she couldn't refute a single one of his words. She seemed to almost shake like an angry chihuahua, with all the same rage. "Damn you Ryogaaaaa!" With a final cry Ranma booked it out of the park, a trail of dust comically kicking in her wake.
Ryoga coughed up a storm as he swatted away the dust. He couldn't help but laugh as Ranma ran off into the distance.
"Geez, if defeating Ranma this way was going to be that easy, I'd have done it years ago."
Ranma grumbled as she finished recounting the day. Ranma wouldn't admit just how much Ryoga's words bothered her. While it's not like Ranma had any femininity itself to be insecure about, the very idea that there was anything Ranma was bad at cut her deep. It had been a few years since the Failed Wedding™ incident but, more importantly, it had just been as long from the Saffron Incident, when she realized the saving Akane at the time was more important than getting a cure. While Ranma wasn't any more or less of a man, she realized there was a certain amount of pride she had in being 'good at being a man'. It was like a skill.
It wasn't until now that Ranma realized that the skill of 'being good at being a man', meant there was also a skill of 'being good at being a woman'.
And apparently she was really bad at it.
And it was quickly driving Ranma nuts.
"I'll show him!" Ranma grumbled as she perched on the roof of the Tendo Dojo. She was all balled up, frustrated tears at the edge of her eyes. Despite the somewhat sweet pose she was in, her face was manic with an angry grin like a hyena plastered on her lips. She held her fist high, shaking it towards the heavens as if making a vow to herself, god, and everyone. "I'm hecka cute, I'm super charming, delicate as a goddamn flower, and..."
Ranma paused, thinking about her current grades at school.
"Well I ain't fixing that, but EVERYTHING ELSE!" Ranma laughed maniacally, "I'll show that bastard just how lovely I am!!"
"He's gonna love me, and it's the LAST thing he's gonna do!"