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Loneliness had distracted him from the art of the biwa lately. Though normally it was his dearest means of comfort, Zenji couldn’t ignore the uncomfortable pit that followed him at this time of the year. Soon…it would be his birthday. His very first since dying. And while he could normally take his circumstances in some aspect of stride, he knew he was far from the least fortunate since his passing due to Haku’s continued support. Not only that, but he could even feel the connection with his beloved brother again in the shape of a doll practically crafted in his spitting image. Subaru, whom he shared many conversations with and considered a friend, could also speak to him again after that fateful mission, increasing his total knowing friendships.
There was also the matter that made him giddiest of all.
A girlfriend.
The last thing he thought he’d ever find beyond the point of death was a soulmate. And yet, here they were. A beautiful flower in bloom who turned her likewise stunning eyes onto him and has remained fixed there from the start. Just the thought of how she looked when she could finally perceive him filled him with so much inspiration and life he could just about float into the heavens…however, he could never do that. Whatever fate awaited her at the end of the year, where her curse was said to potentially kill her, he would await her. He, of course, hoped she would find a way to break that damned curse and live a full, lovely life filled with the artistry her presence alone inspired. But if things turned for the worse…he was prepared to be the first hand she held when crossing over. He would share that same passion in being with her, as her fortunate and loving partner, come what may, and in all his best capacities. He would never allow her to feel the loneliness and fear he had to contend with alone before his circumstances looked up to his current way of life.
That being said…
Zenji strummed a sour chord on his biwa, looking off into the Hotarubi gardens he was all too accustomed to.
…He couldn't deny the strain it was not to be able to hold his beloved as she so richly deserved.
He was a man possessed by love, after all…how could he want anything less than to pamper her with touches, keep her well, and truly safe from harm with his own two hands? Sure, the connection with his brother doll helped, but it wasn’t the same sort of longing and affection by definition. He dreamed of holding her close and wishing her well in a way a man could only provide his woman. Even just the simple act of holding her hand as they stargazed from the house veranda…
He sighed.
“Oh, what melancholy. The bliss it would bring can only haunt me.”
For all that he tried to see the best of his blessed situation, when these moments fell upon him, the skies of Hotarubi seemed to cry uniquely for him and he couldn’t shake the thoughts easily.
Perhaps it was time for a change of scenery.
He stood up and walked around, peeking around corners curiously to see if he could find any of his buddies, but it would seem they were all busy that day. Zenji left the grounds of his house, head high and heart solemn, hoping he would run into anyone today to chase these persistent melancholy feelings away.
Unfortunately, his tour around the school grounds left him feeling all the more lonely while aware of the gaps by his side no one could fill. He saw friends bustling by, lovers perched on benches on every terrace with a view to note. He saw people pursuing their passions, sharing the fruit of their labor with people who could perceive it, moved, and overcome with enjoyment. He often wondered how the Food Truck’s food tasted. The work Sho put into his meals and the consideration often filled him with pride and camaraderie. This is how he often felt himself when he crafted a new song and story to share. He wondered if Sho and himself could have been fast friends if things had been different.
He strummed a mournful chord, continuing on his walk, taking in the sights and manifesting these difficult feelings into sound. By the time he’d made it to the opposite edge of the school grounds, he’d practically written a whole song mindlessly.
Yet, as he was ready to return, he finally saw them. Haku and his beloved blooming rose stepped out of the train station riddled with bags in hand.
“Shopping, was it!? Oh, they could have bothered me with the knowledge! I’d have come with them and kept their energies up!”
He happily started over until he saw a sudden change in his beloved’s face. It looked…uncertain.
“Oh, but love, an expression so lost without me to help you, how could I possibly stand it…?”
Yet he remained rooted to the ground, watching quietly from the shadow of a tree as Haku’s normally side-lopped smirk came across a touch more sympathetically. He couldn’t hear what they were talking about from where he stood, but he was no stranger to how Haku was keen on reassuring others. He had been on the end of that helping hand countless times before. He was blessed to have such a good friend to look after his beloved when she felt unsure.
“Soon, darling.” He promised himself and the breeze that carried his words. “I will be of all comforts to you that you could require. You only need turn those eyes to me…”
Yet he couldn’t take it anymore once he saw her face suddenly fluster pink.
This was clearly a subject for more intimate intervention. Haku could only offer so much before her boyfriend had to take the reigns.
He exploded out from the shade of his wait, running up to the two.
“My friends! I was just out and about in hopes of seeing you! I could not help but notice you seem troubled! How can I help? I need only hear your worries! I will bestow them to the winds and carry them far from your hearts!”
Haku could only laugh tensely while his beloved flinched violently from the surprise, almost dropping one of her bags if not for Haku’s immediate catch.
“Zenji! I’m sorry! I didn’t expect to see you around so soon!”
“We were just getting ready to head back after dropping off some of her things…”
Zenji puffed out his chest proudly, smiling worth the shine of 100 suns.
“I will gladly accompany you! It’s such a lovely day for a stroll, and the dead make for soreless walks!”
His beloved laughed gently, delicately covering her lips as she did, and stole his heart away from him all the more. He practically melted on the spot.
“Oh, you lovely girl. Your laughter is such sweet serenity…would that I could capture it and play it every day…”
Her cheeks flushed, this time from a pleasant embarrassment.
“Zenji, please…”
Zenji’s head tilted in response, enamored as the day was bright.
“As you wish, I cede…but only because my heart can only take so much without making a rival of my friend, having the chance to hear your loveliness all day where I had not…”
Haku gave him a well-humored snort and rolled his eyes.
“Can’t have that. Let’s just drop all this stuff off so I can leave you two lovebirds alone to your own devices. I feel about as single as I can stand hanging around you two.”
“Yes, I meant to ask! What was it the two of you had left so early to acquire? It must have been particularly important if it was not available on the school grounds. And the expressions you wore just now…why, I simply couldn’t ignore how severe you looked. Love, darling light of mine, are you well…?”
He knew his hand couldn’t physically touch her, but she had described his touch as a faint trace of temperature shift. A cold spot on an otherwise warm day. He, at first, had been rather reluctant to touch her if the feeling left her with chills, yet privately, she had confirmed the chills he provided were welcome and associated with nothing but kindness. That and she quite favored the cold. What a delight and wonder it was to love a woman so perfectly made for himself.
So when he traced her cheek to express his concern, she tilted her head shyly toward him and pinned him with a grateful look that sent shivers down his spine.
“I’m fine, Zenji. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. I just…” She trailed off, looking down as though she’d find the right words printed there plainly for herself.
Haku, however, interjected.
“Hey, um, Zenji, sometimes there are things that the general store on campus simply can’t provide. You know, lady things.”
Zenji’s eyes widened as a million things filled his mind, his face warming a bit before he smiled brightly to disguise that feeling away.
“Yes, you’re right! I’m so sorry, dear heart, I’d failed to consider. I hope you won’t think I’ve overstepped.”
She shook her head immediately, her face having gone completely red, and Haku could only laugh.
“Sorry, was that too direct? I tried to be subtle…”
“But why not let me tag along, dear heart? I assure you, I’d cause you no trouble on your shopping trip…”
She seemed to have all the words blocked up in the back of her throat, the fluster of it all overriding it before Haku piped in again, sighing in resignation.
“Personal shopping trips with two guys is a bit…”
Zenji pouted.
“But why then would Haku be allowed…? Shall I announce him my rival after all?”
Haku held out his arms awkwardly, each one covered in bags.
“If you wanna take my role as bag carrier, then by all means.”
Zenji’s brow dropped a bit.
Ah…yes. He could not possibly help her carry as many things as Haku could. Their trips outside were heavily monitored, so she’d had to make this trip count and stock up on everything she couldn’t normally find on campus. A man’s help would certainly make the most sense.
If he were still alive…he could make short work of such a thing, But as it was, there were limits to what he could sustain and carry. The last thing he’d want is to drop her belongings or parade her around.
“Zenji…?”
His thoughts were cut short when her hand reached up to his face. Her fingertips teased a bit at the ends of his hair, which gently swayed before slipping phantasmally through her fingers. She reserved this as a touch of comfort, he’d come to know…and unlike how he felt to her, she felt all too warm to his touch.
He smiled at her reassuringly.
“No, dear heart, I am not angry with you. I’m happy we have such a good friend in Haku, so put it from your mind.”
I only resent my own limitations in being yours.
The three left towards her residence, waiting outside respectfully as she put away her items. Zenji zoned out, staring into the middle distance as the bright noon he’d earlier left in had suddenly fallen to pink dusk, coloring the world in its gentle, romantic colors.
“Hey, did you hear about tonight’s moon?”
Haku stole Zenji from his artful daydreams of his beloved prancing in such sunlight, earning him a confused but curious look.
“No, I’m afraid I haven’t. Has it been a popular trend of discussion?”
“Not too much, few amongst the third years at best. Wouldn’t matter much to a lot of people who don’t track celestial bodies or mystic happenings…My family first told me about it a long time ago. A pink moon that grants your wish.”
Zenji felt immediately drawn in, practically sparkling in his desire to know more, to which Haku complied with his usual effortless smirk.
“I’m a little fuzzy on the details, but apparently, the moon lets the wisher become whatever they want, just for the night. Ten feet tall, stupidly beautiful…all kinds of things. The pink moonlight is a kind of power that makes those illusions so real, they become reality.”
“How marvelous…and you say this will happen tonight?”
“Yup, around midnight. Straight out of a fairytale, huh? You have something in mind for your Cinderella story?”
“Do I!” He remarked excitedly, though tempered himself as reality began to take hold of the fantasy. “Well…I know what I’d desire more than anything else at least, but as per your description, even this moon couldn’t grant my wish…”
Haku’s expression turned serious, losing Zenji’s back into the pinkening dusk. He wondered if it was quite so pink as to taunt him with the promise of tonight's moonlight or to soothe him with memories of his beloved’s gaze. Though surely, even a wish-granting moon could only pale in comparison.
“What would your wish be?”
“To hold her…I suppose.”
Haku remained quiet for a while, Zenji’s small laugh taking its place in the gap in conversation. He looked at his hands, which felt every bit as real to him as before his untimely passing. He wondered if his touch would bring her the joy and resolution to the longing he warred with every day since falling for her.
“But a light show, no matter how divine, cannot paint the dead with hands that can touch the living. Not in the way I wish I could hold her.”
Haku rubbed at his neck, an all too common gesture weighed down with implication.
“I guess you’re right, but...who knows? Still makes for one hell of a birthday view.”
Zenji perked up excitedly.
“You tease of a man, you did remember!”
“Yeah, yeah, somehow…” Haku nodded, smile persisting. “I think the moon couldn’t have picked a better time to do this, don't you?”
Before he could answer, his beloved exited to meet them, wearing clothes that made his heart soar all the higher, right out of the grasp of his melancholy. He may not be able to hold her, but he could certainly behold the beauty that she was in clear, unapologetic love.
“Could you come inside, Zenji?”
An invitation far too tantalizing for him to refuse.
He hadn’t even realized Haku was trailing behind until something loudly popped in that direction, a rain of streamers fluttering down consequently, only for two more to fire off immediately after. As the glittering ribbons cleared, he laid eyes on the now-decorated interior of the once-dilapidated cathedral. Streamers and ornaments all carefully and thoughtfully hung around the space in all his favorite colors and designs. A table had been cleared and covered in food, including a cake with a slightly lop-sided slant, declaring him a happy birthday. He remained rooted to the ground, staring at the sight with glistening eyes before he finally came down from his emotional high to see the three smiling faces of his closest friends staring back at him.
“I know we’re a little early in our celebration, but the moon doesn’t always shine through as clearly in Hotarubi…” Subaru began explaining timidly. “It was my idea to hold the party a little earlier…so we can watch the moon as it comes out on your birthday together...I hope that didn’t throw you off.”
Zenji shook his head, smiling from ear to ear as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.
“No, you as always, are so considerate of me, my friend. How could I be anything less than overjoyed?”
“We prepared a few gifts for you too…” His beloved spoke shyly, showing off the three modest presents prepared for him on the side. “We hope you’ll like them. Oh, but…sorry about the cake. If I hadn’t jumped earlier, it would have been intact…”
At this point, there would be no stopping his tears. They streamed freely down his cheeks as his lips quivered, caught between smiling like a maddened fool and sobbing like a child.
“I am…so blessed a man, indeed. That you would all even prepare presents for me…What am I to do? What if my joy carries me to the other side, after all? No…I would simply end up right here, at your side once again. For there is no greater peace to find.”
The three chuckled at his dramatics, but none could deny the warm feelings of gratitude spreading throughout the room.
For the following hours, they made merry in whatever way Zenji fancied. He held a concert and told new stories. Zenji sidled up beside his love as Haku and Subaru told stories of their own, treated to the allure of their unique experiences in storytelling, and both likewise put on excellent performances. Even his lover, shy and stuttering as she was, managed to tell a story of a girl who fell in love with a musical fairy and spent her life chasing him through a meadow.
Finally, midnight rolled around. The three spread a blanket to watch the pink moon fill the sky with its mystifying and awe-inspiring light.
“It’s beautiful…”
“I was right to believe it would never compare to the beauty of your eyes, however.”
“Zenji!”
Subaru and Haku chuckled to themselves, watching the two fawn over each other before a more decisive look crossed between the pair. Haku stood up, grabbing their attention.
“So…there’s one more thing I wanted to say about the pink moon.”
“Haku, you really are a tease. You have waited until now for the sake of dramatics! I wholeheartedly approve!”
Haku’s smile remained in place, a touch fonder than it was a moment prior.
“...What if I said…It could offer you a chance to have a physical body again. Just for a little while?”
Zenji froze, and Haku continued.
“I didn’t mention that…the pink moon only serves the dead. For that reason, it’s not exactly news that appeals to most people outside my family and other mystics. It simply doesn’t apply to anyone else.”
Zenji blinked, eyes wavering in wonder.
“Could it be…? Haku, my friend, do you mean to say I may be given the chance to…”
Haku smiled lightly, nodding just so.
“All you have to do is wish for it. The height of spiritual activity provided by the moonlight, in theory, should work.”
Zenji immediately rose to his feet, staring at the moon as though a gaze could speak supplications and prayers, hands clamped so firmly together that they trembled from the effort.
“Please. Let me hold my beloved close to me.”
In response, his body seemed to glow ephemerally. He noted that even a shadow developed behind him. He stared down at his hands. Though he could not sense a change in the way he felt, he still held them out to his beloved, who stared at him with clear anticipation.
“Come to me.”
She immediately got up and bolted for him, launching herself into his arms. They made contact.
He gasped an overjoyed laugh, holding her so close to him he worried he might break her. Yet she likewise held close to him, squeezing him like he would disappear at a moment’s notice. He became aware of how his tears had come back in full force. They ran down his cheeks and onto her hair, glittering before rolling into nonexistence shortly after.
“My heart, my soul, my love, my whole world, you don’t know how much I ached for this…”
She laughed past her hiccuping sobs and nodded her head, taking refuge in the embrace he’d now loosened enough to not completely crush her.
“You’re so strong, Zenji.”
“Yes, I could carry you and all your bags across Japan itself; you need only ask…”
“Let’s not get carried away,” Haku piped in again, chuckling. “You have until around 2 am, and if anything obstructs the moon…that will affect things too. So be aware of that.”
Disentangling himself from his love, Zenji quickly heads over and hugs Haku, who responds with a stagger and a pat on the back.
“My friend, I can never repay what you’ve done for me this day. Know I will write you as the king of my ballads for at least a year's time.”
“You don’t have to do all that; it’s the moon doing this, not me. Just make this count. It won’t happen again for another year.” Haku peeled himself from Zenji, gesturing with his head towards his blushing lady. “Don’t keep her waiting.”
Subaru tried to get away with a handshake before getting wrapped up in a hug that gradually evolved into a group hug before the other two left, leaving Zenji alone with his vision in love.
“I, um, prepared a date plan for us if you want.” She started, jittering under the way he gazed at her so fondly. “We can have a picnic here, but, oh, I didn’t actually ask Haku if you could eat. Um, but we could always still hang out under the tree. Wait, will that block the light? I-”
Zenji interrupted her many worries with a deep laugh. He stepped forward and gently took her hands, bunching them together and kissing the tops of each palm, leaving even them blushing from the gesture.
“If I could make a small request, dear love, I’d love to open your present now. Would you be so good as to fetch it for me from inside?”
“Of course! Yeah! I’ll do that right now!”
He watched with a lovestruck smile, waving finger by finger as she hurried inside and came rushing back out, only to trip in her frenzy. He caught her easily, letting the present roll them by on the grass, yet he simply could not let her leave his grasp.
“Zenji…your present.”
“I know…and I’ve a feeling it is incredibly thoughtful and will make me fall in love with you all the more. Yet…I simply cannot allow myself to let you go now.”
He pressed his forehead to hers, breathing as steadily as his trembling body allowed.
“Tell me, do I still feel as cold as you’ve described?”
“Did that bother you, Zenji?”
“Not after you told me I bring you comfort in any form. Yet, you mentioned before how you liked the cold. I must be quite unpleasant to you now if that’s the case. I feel a roiled inferno has taken the place of my heart…”
Yet she didn’t look the least bit bothered. Instead, she burrowed her face forward, servicing him with an Eskimo kiss before leading her lips to slot in perfectly against his.
He’d not been surprised in the slightest by her kiss. No, only all too enamored by the way she’d chosen to do it. The memory would surely make him lose his mind privately for months to come; he’d make for a very happy madman indeed.
He pressed back against her, realizing their first kiss with a shy modesty that quickly gave way to the months of longing that had been building. Tilting his head intuitively with every dip and lean of her own, experimenting with the softness of her lips as he dragged his away only to ensure she would breathe amidst the onslaught. He almost felt dizzy with love by the time he’d collapsed with her onto the grass and trailed kiss after kiss over her cheeks, the tips of her fingers, and the shell of her ears. No place was safe from his desperate need to love her. And the way she gripped his shirt collar so tightly, bunching the fabric and twisting around beneath him, her voice only in tiny pants and muffled sighs against him, almost had him forgetting where it was they were.
He stopped, barely held up on his elbows, clasping his hands over hers to keep her from dragging him willingly right back.
She caught on, her shyness returning, and slowly unbunched her hold over his shirt, leaving it in a sorry state and possibly down a button. Zenji could not care less. He’d have given her the loosed button as a memento if he wasn’t sure it’d vanish with the rest of him come the end of their moonlight escapade.
“You truly are a wonder…” He admitted aloud, his voice having dropped low and croaked from the passion. “Thankfully, I am already dead. Otherwise, how could I hope to survive a night without this…”
Perhaps his words were a bit too suggestive for her. She clammed up, hiding behind her hands and driving him all the more to madness.
“How about we open that present now? I’m sorry if I disregarded it too harshly. With you in my hands, I simply couldn’t stop myself.”
She sat up, and he rolled over to her side, letting her reach over and retrieve the gift box before setting it into his hands. He gave her another kiss on the cheek as he thanked her and began to unwrap it.
It was a braided bracelet with a charm attached, seemingly blessed in the hopes of protecting a couple.
“You can wear it now, and if it falls off when your body changes, you can tie it around your biwa instead.” She pulled out a second, matching pair, fastening it to her wrist. “Now we can have a matching accessory. Do you like it?”
He carefully tied it around his wrist, looking it over happily, and then reached over and held her hand, the two bracelets beautifully displayed between their entwined hands.
“I only have room to love a single thing more than this if you’ll believe me.” He giggled, leaning against her as she mirrored the action, cuddling away as naturally as one breathed.
“I’m going to miss this…”
Zenji smiled, a bittersweet note falling into his tone as he answered.
“I won’t deny the same, but let's challenge ourselves to look at it another way, shall we?”
She looked up, meeting his romantic red eyes, lidding halfway with a sweet adulation as his fingers curled more possessively over hers.
“In a year’s time, we may just enjoy it again. Who knows how much we’ll have grown as a merry pair by then? Aren’t you eager to witness that? This is just another aspect of us to look forward to…so please love…don’t despair.”
His smile eclipsed her vision as they rested their faces close to each other. The sense of presence between them would be something no one could understand.
“To another year of love.”