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“Do you ever think about the stars?” The words felt like sand in his mouth, and he wished he had stayed silent. This is not something to be talked about when high.
Or maybe it was the only way to talk about it. Without breaking down, at least.
“Sometimes.” Serj's voice was comforting, warm in the cold night air that bit at Daron's bare fingers and cheeks.
“I miss the way things were back then. Simple, happier.” He stared into the distance, gaze stuck in a shining light that moved slowly across the dark sky. A plane. He wondered if anyone inside of it felt the way he was feeling now.
“I know. I can see when you are feeling nostalgic, your eyes don't shine as much as they do normally.” A sad smile crept upon Serj's face, and he reached for the blunt between Daron's fingers.
“Yeah.” Daron was silent. Tears welled into the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall down with so much as a blink. When he spoke again, his voice was rough. “I miss her.”
“I know. You're mourning her death. No matter how strong or resilient you are, grief will hurt. She was bound to die, yet she was so brave for holding on so long.” Serj looped an arm around Daron's waist and pulled him closer, tighter.
“I miss seeing her greet me when I come home. I miss the way she would try to sneak into my room so my mom wouldn't tell her off.” Daron sniffled, running a trembling hand through his hair.
“I miss her too.”
“It's just so weird. Not seeing her everyday.” He took the cig from Serj's hand, inhaling more smoke to dampen his sad heart. “Sometimes when I'm distracted I just go to her favorite places trying to find her. My eyes still skirt over every room to see if she's there.” The tears in his eyes fell in big drops, painting watery streaks down his cheeks.
“Do you feel like she's still here?” Serj asked, resting his head on the wall behind him.
“Somehow. Even though she won't be back, it still feels like I'll find her at my door, waiting for me.” Daron closed his eyes, smiling meekly as he felt Serj's thumb wipe his tears away.
“I'm sorry.” Serj whispered to the night air, leaving a kiss in Daron's hair.
“It's not your fault.”
“I know.”
“I like to think she became part of the sky. That her soft fur blended into the clouds. Every star that shines is because she's there, smiling.” Daron lifted his head towards the sky, staring as bats flew by.
He wished he could fly away from his problems, to be carefree in the wild, never to have to remind himself of the confinement of reality.
“She's still mesmerizing.” Serj followed Daron's gaze, watching as the bats swirled in the dark of night, tracing intricate patterns in the midnight sky. His mind wandered aimlessly, trying to find words of comfort. “You know, in portuguese, there's a word that I think it's beautiful. Saudades.” He spoke calmly, pronouncing the word slowly. “It means the feeling of missing someone.”
“It's beautiful," Daron smiled sadly, looking at Serj. “I love you.”
“I love you too. And I know she loved you just as much as you loved her. Just as much as you still love her.” Serj whispered, smiling down at Daron. “She was a small part of your life, but you were her whole life.”
“You'll stay, right? My whole life?” His voice shook slightly.
Serj brought a hand to tuck a lonely strand of hair behind Daron's ear. “I would never leave you. I don't really think you have your own life, silly. It's impossible to untangle us now. It's our life.” His words made Daron smile broadly, eyes shining by the moonlight.
“I love your smile. So genuine. So beautiful.” Serj leaned down, kissing the side of Daron's eye.
“So you.”
Daron blushed, turning his head to the side and leaning his back against the wall. “I love you.” He mumbled, grabbing Serj's hand that rested on his waist.
“I love you too.” Serj copied his movements, squeezing Daron's hand and staring at the stars.