Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

For as long as Jim has known Samanan Anantrakul, she’s also known her to be unflinchingly rigid.

Like a body in rigor mortis but somehow alive. And the crazy part is that Sam has everything to live for. She’s royal by birth, started her own company from scratch, and is engaged to a great guy. Sure, Jim hasn’t known Kirk quite as long, but he’s friendly enough. Outgoing. Comes from a wealthy family.

Yet Sam is the unhappiest person that Jim has ever met.

A lot of that has to do with loss. Jim can empathize with Sam losing her parents at a young age. Having to move in with her grandmother. And then her sister dying after the other left home.

But Sam has never really allowed herself to grieve.

Which can’t be healthy. As a result, Jim tries to be there for Sam as much as she can. Because that’s what best friends are for. And together with Tee and Kade, they’re the only support system Sam has.

However, they still haven’t alleviated her loneliness.

Therefore, Jim will do whatever it takes to make Sam happy. After all, it’s her mission in life. And as Sam’s thirtieth birthday draws closer, Jim is determined to figure out just what that entails.

Especially if it involves doing what she does best:

Meddling.

Okay, Jim would meddle in Sam’s affairs immediately, but she can’t stop throwing up.

It’s like, every morning too, and sometimes at night. Which means it’s obviously the flu. Except that she doesn’t have a fever. Or chills. Or a cough. And her throat is only sore from upchucking so often.

So she has a sneaking suspicion that maybe – just maybe – her birth control failed.

Which might have something to do with all the times she forgot to take her pill. But who can blame her with her busy schedule of manicures, pedicures, and curing Sam’s ailments?

If anything, it’s because she’s such a good friend that her focus was elsewhere.

She takes three tests just to be sure.

And they may be faint, but they’re all positive.

She tells Earth right away.

They’re already engaged, but this speeds up the timeline on the wedding. And he is ecstatic to learn he’ll be a father. Which is how Jim knows she chose the right man for the job.

Even if it was an accident she got pregnant in the first place.

The hardest part is keeping it secret from her family. Because if Jim is a busybody, then her mother is ten times worse, and gossip like that is a goldmine. And heaven forbid her father find out before the ink dries on the marriage license.

However, there are a few people Jim feels comfortable telling.

Assuming they don’t make fun of her.

Kade is later than Jim’s period.

When she finally graces the group with her presence, she’s practically swarmed by all five of her admirers. Most of whom she tipped her location off to. Jim’s technically the president of her fan club and even she thinks that’s psychotic behavior.

But the life of an idol is all about being seen and Kade’s popularity is rising. As much as an actress with a small role in a lakorn can rise. But at least she’s not dressed like a robot this time.

Tee had arrived with Jim, always early like the nerd she is, but nothing compares to the way Sam treats dinner with friends like a business meeting. She’ll probably even put it on her corporate card. To go along with her corporate stick up her butt.

Yet something – or someone – is distracting Sam tonight.

Jim doesn’t miss the way she checks her phone for updates. Not even periodically like she usually does in case of a media empire emergency. No, this is much more frequent. Which means something is brewing in that troubled but brilliant brain of hers. And Jim wants to get to the bottom of it.

But first she has some news to share.

Sam’s strange behavior only gets stranger.

If Jim didn’t know any better, she’d think Sam was going through a midlife crisis, but twenty-nine is too young for that. And the way stress eats at Sam, Jim isn’t sure how much longer she has left. She swears she even saw a grey hair poking out of Sam’s skull, although she’s not dumb enough to point it out. But something is affecting Sam.

Something other than her grandmother’s usual pressure to marry.

“Have you noticed anything unusual about Fuzzy?” Jim asks Tee over FaceTime.

Tee snorts, looking rather relaxed in her casual clothes as opposed to her usual sharp attire. Even her hair looks unbrushed, like she just woke up in the afternoon. “No more than normal.”

“She’s distracted lately. You really haven’t noticed?”

“Good or bad distracted?”

“I’m not sure yet,” Jim frowns. “I think there’s something she’s not telling us.”

“And you want to know what it is,” Tee yawns, filling in the blanks. “Don’t you ever tire of being so nosy, Jiminem?”

Jim contemplates it for a second before replying, “Not really, no.”

“Suppose you have nothing better to do such as… planning your wedding?”

“I have people to do that for me! It’s going flawlessly, by the way, thank you for asking,” Jim gleefully tells Tee, who tries her hardest to show enthusiasm for Jim’s marriage, despite her disdain for the institution. “I just hope you and my other bridesmaids have planned a wild bachelorette party.”

“It’d be much wilder if you weren’t pregnant,” Tee retorts as someone else laughs in the background, drawing Tee’s attention elsewhere. “Out of curiosity, just how far along are you, Jimbo?”

“What an inappropriate question to ask a lady!” Jim scolds.

“You’re no lady.”

“Hey, who keeps distracting you, Tee? You judge my manners, but you are guilty of being rude too.”

“Just a friend.”

“That’s not a friend. I know all your friends. And they don’t walk around in bras and panties,” Jim snaps. “You need to stop hooking up with these random chicks and meet a nice girl. Y’know, one that can hold a conversation.”

“I’m not interested in conversations,” Tee smirks, panning back over to her so-called friend, who waves, looking a little too friendly for Jim’s taste.

“You dirty slut!”

“I could say the same to you.”

“Go back to bed.”

“Go back to whatever it is you do all day.”

“I – I have responsibilities!” Jim insists weakly, but they both know that isn’t true.

Jim has very few responsibilities in life. Which is how she likes it. And she plans to keep it that way. Including but not limited to marrying Earth. Not in a flower power sense, but her future husband’s name.

Yes, she’s marrying Earth because she loves him.

And not just because she’s pregnant.

Kade makes small talk while they wait for Sam and Tee to arrive at the restaurant.

“Jim, how soon is too soon to start shopping for baby clothes?”

“I’m not even past my first trimester.”

“I didn’t say we should shop for maternity clothes. But from the looks of it, you’ve gained some weight already,” Kade teases.

“Have not,” Jim sticks out her tongue. “My baby is only the size of a pea, pea-brain!”

“Yeah, but the farther along you are, the harder it’ll be to hide on your wedding day,” Kade says like Jim doesn’t know that.

That’s why she must make haste.

That’s why the caterer keeps calling, why the baker keeps raising the prices, and why the seamstress keeps taking her measurements. All so that her big day is perfect. The day she’s dreamed of since she was a little girl.

But her wedding is still going to be the social event of the year – rushed or not.

Besides, things have a way of just falling into place for Jim. Coming together at the last minute. All because she’s blessed with beauty, brains, and luck.

Her future child is so fortunate to have her as a mother.

“Let’s just hope your baby bump is the only thing you’re hiding, Jim,” Tee says, walking up to the group.

“Ooh, what if it’s twins? Or triplets. Or quadruplets!” Kade gasps.

Jim blinks. “There aren’t enough epidurals in this world for me to give birth to four babies at once.”

“How many are you planning to have?”

“Hard to say since I didn’t plan this one,” Jim replies nonchalantly. “Tee, Kade, where in the world is Fuzz? Never mind her – who is that?”

The mystery woman’s name is Mon.

Mon wears Fuzzy’s clothes. Mon sleeps at Fuzzy’s house. And, as Jim learns through Operation Natasha Romanoff, Mon is Fuzzy’s employee.

Sure, Jim always suspected that Sam was a little fruity, but this takes the fruitcake. And it does explain some of Sam’s recent behavior. The secretive texts. Spending more and more time at work. Complaining less.

And yes, Sam still finds things to complain about, mainly her company, or her fiancé. But Mon has no faults in her eyes. Nor any that Jim can see.

“What do you think of her?” Sam nervously asks her later that evening on the phone.

“She’s stunning, Fuzz. Beauty for days. But who is she really? You claim she’s just your subordinate, but I know that can’t be the case. When is the last time your other employees slept over?”

“Never,” Sam says in disgust. “I don’t know.  She’s young. She has potential. That’s why I agreed to mentor her.”

But whatever transpired at Sam’s house clearly left them both wanting more.

Why else would Mon accompany Sam to lunch? Why else would they show up dressed alike? Why else would they blush each time they so much as glanced at one another?

Jim bites her lip at the thought. “How exactly are you mentoring her?”

“That’s none of your business,” Sam snaps before hanging up, but her vague response answers most of Jim’s burning questions anyway.

If Sam isn’t going to give Jim the full scoop, then she’ll have to get it another way.

And thankfully she had the foresight to get Mon’s number at lunch because it isn’t long before the group chat is blowing up at the latest bit of news:

Sam stood Mon up.

But whatever Sam’s problem is, or the nature of their relationship, ditching the girl is not okay. And while Jim may not have known Mon for long, she knows what a sweetheart she is. So Jim invites her out to karaoke with the crew to cheer her up – but not without an ulterior motive.

Yeah, pumping Mon for information is like picking low hanging fruit, but nothing is really beneath Jim when it comes to getting classified information. And Mon, bless her heart, spills like an oil leak. But that’s just how persuasive Jim is.

Afterwards, when Tee is driving both Mon and her friend Yuki home, and Jim settles the tab, Kade looks at her sideways.

“Do you think it was a good idea posting that pic to Instagram?” she asks, grabbing her purse off the table. “You know Sam is prone to anger.”

“Uh, I seem to recall you taking the photos, Kade. You were practically the mastermind behind it!” Jim replies, brushing off her concerns.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t regret my decision. Mon and Tee looked way too cozy together. Fuzz isn’t going to like it.”

“Exactly! Maybe she’ll get her panties in a wad and finally tell Mon how she feels about her. It’s that simple.”

“It’s never that simple with Fuzz,” Kade insists as they make their way to the parking lot. “Seriously, Jim, you don’t think we hurt Mon’s chances, do you?”

“If Sam ends it with Mon over this, then that’s on her. Just like it was her fault she canceled on Mon to begin with. But for what it’s worth, I think Sam is really into Mon. She’s crushing hard. Ooh, do you think she’s made a move yet?”

“It’s Sam we’re talking about. This is all new to her. She’d only act on her feelings unless she was positive that they were reciprocated,” Kade says seriously before she and Jim part ways for the night.

But after observing how smitten Mon was, Jim is willing to bet that they are reciprocated…

…one hundred percent.

The next time Jim sees Mon is at Sam’s thirtieth birthday party.

But despite all the speculation in the group chat, sans Sam and Mon, their relationship doesn’t seem to have progressed all that much. Mon still has that hopeful, innocent gleam in her eye and Sam still looks like she swallowed too many sour candies. And that’s not the only reason she’s puckering her lips.

There’s no doubt in Jim’s mind that Sam wants to kiss Mon.

Sam wants to kiss Mon when they’re singing happy birthday. Sam wants to kiss Mon when they’re cutting cake. Sam wants to kiss Mon when she’s opening her presents.

Because truthfully, Sam isn’t all that interested in anything except Mon.

Not even a cash register full of bahts, or a designer purse, or cryptocurrency is enough to distract Fuzzy, who looks like a lady, but acts like a horny teenager. Mon’s got her so tangled up in knots that she’ll never get loose. Nor does she have any desire to break free.

Which is why Sam darts out after Mon when she’s upset.

And seeing Sam so full of passion, so liberated, was refreshing – until she slapped Jim across the face.

That came on the heels of Kade shrieking about how she witnessed Sam and Mon swapping spit outside. And Jim, being the instigator that she is, can’t help but stick her nose where it doesn’t belong. Calling out Sam’s possessive behavior.

Earning her the slap heard around Bangkok.

“Well, that was eventful,” Tee declares after Sam and Mon flee the scene. “Do you think Fuzz had a good time?”

“Which part do you think was her favorite? The part where her tongue was in Mon’s throat? Or the part where she smacked me so hard my ears are still ringing?” Jim scoffs, remembering the sharp sting of Sam’s hand on her face. “I’m sure she had a blast.”

Yuki hands her an ice pack to ease her pain. “Here you go, P’Jim.”

“You should know not to provoke Fuzzy, Jim,” Kade says, shaking her head in dismay.

“Me?”  Jim replies incredulously. “You’re the one who started it by spying on them. Then you ran straight in here to tell us all. If anything, she should’ve slapped you, Kade!”

“At least I know how to take a hit.”

“A stage hit!” Jim retorts, because for all of Kade’s training, she’s never taken a real one.

“Alright, alright,” Tee says, eager to keep the peace after the chaos of the evening. “Enough bickering, children.”

“She started it,” Jim and Kade say in unison.

“You knuckleheads are setting a bad example for our new friend,” Tee tells them, glancing at Mon’s bestie. “Yuki, can I offer you a ride home? We can stop for boba on the way. If you’d like.”

But while Mon and Sam’s relationship drama may be far from over, whatever’s blossoming between Tee and Yuki is just the beginning.

Sam’s apologies are always blunt.

Very straightforward and to the point. Which is why it’s so confusing that she’s kissing Jim. Not on the lips or anything. That would be too much.

But a brief brush on the hand, a soft smooch on the shoulder, a petite peck on the cheek?

To be fair, Jim has never made heads or tails of Sam’s thought process. Like why she bought a house with a pool, but never goes swimming in it. Or why she allows her grandmother to bully her. So there’s no telling what’s going on that brilliant brain of hers.

All Jim knows is that it’s weirding her out and also kind of turning her on.

It takes her back to the time when she dated women. All sorts of women usually introduced by Tee. Butch women, femme women, women somewhere in between. Buff women, skinny women, plus-sized women, Thai women, foreign women –

There was just something so flustering about it.

“I assume the mentoring is going well then, Fuzz?” Jim asks, feeling rather lightheaded.

“She’s learning,” Sam replies, avoiding the question as best she can. For someone in her position, she sure can’t stand to be scrutinized. But there is a tenderness to her voice that Jim doesn’t often hear. A vulnerability. “I – I’ve learned some things from her, too.”

Clearly Mon has stirred up emotions Sam didn’t know she had.

That doesn’t mean Old Fuzz is off the hook, however. Jim still wants to hear it from her. She wants Sam to admit it. That she’s attracted to Mon. That the spark between them is bigger than a fireworks display. That it’s more than just a boss giving her employee guidance.

Too bad getting Sam to admit anything is like pulling teeth.

“Such as?”

“How to ask forgiveness, obviously, and now that I’ve done that, I’m leaving,” Sam says, her gaze hardening, but at least she’s a work in progress. And Mon seems like a good influence on her. She pauses by the door. “By the way, I accept your apology for ruining my party. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must get to work.”

“No goodbye kiss?” Jim calls after her, but she’s ignored.

Although she can finally cross that off her bucket list.

Just rip it off like a band aid.

Do I have to?  Jim types back as she goes about her morning putting on her workout clothes to watch reality tv. Sometimes she exercises for realsies, like she had yesterday when Sam came calling, because it’s important to keep a routine.

But she can’t deny that those kisses have thrown her for a loop.

They’ve got her questioning her entire future. And sure, she had a microscopic crush on Fuzz when they were teenagers, but that went away over time. No, she’s not questioning whether she wants to date Sam.

She’s questioning whether she still wants to –

YES. You can’t have both Kirk and Mon at your wedding. You MUST uninvite one of them. Otherwise Sam will implode!

Apparently Jim’s existential crisis will have to wait. If she uninvites Mon, then Sam will be a crabby, hostile bridesmaid. But if she uninvites Kirk, that will raise suspicion.

Ugh, who knew finalizing the guest list would be this hard?

Ah, Jim, I meant to ask. Hopefully it’s not too late, but is it okay if I invite a plus one?  Tee adds to their three-way chat.

Which celesbian is it this time?  Kade teases moments later, although Jim has a sneaking suspicion that she already knows who Tee’s date is.

Jim smirks, replying, The more the merrier  🥰

Earth won’t mind?

He won’t notice! I’ll tell the wedding planner to set an extra chair at your table and the caterer to cook an extra helping. The bartender is bringing enough booze to drown a whale so that won’t be a problem. Too bad I can’t indulge  😭

Jim’s phone buzzes.

If you’re uninviting Kirk or Mon, you won’t have to go through all that trouble.

Let ME worry about that, Kade. As for you, Tee, I just have one itsy bitsy condition. Who is she?

There’s a long pause in the chat.

Long enough that Jim worries she’s offended Tee, who doesn’t often take offense, preferring to brush things off instead. But then it occurs to her that Tee’s date might not be out out. Or that they could just be going as friends.

Now Jim wonders whether she’s being insensitive.

Like she had been with Sam. But Fuzzy’s bottled-up emotions were bound to surface sometime. Jim just had the misfortune of being on the receiving end. And Sam was never equipped to deal with feelings. Particularly romantic ones.

But Jim breathes a sigh of relief once she receives Tee’s next text.

I’m bringing Yuki.

Unless she counts the heartburn, Jim’s bachelorette party is more mild than wild.

But it’s only her first marriage, so.

There’ll be other opportunities.

Sam doesn’t come, which isn’t all that surprising, and neither does Mon. They’re both too caught up in each other, too caught up in this will-they-won’t-they that Jim finds so fascinating.

Much more thrilling than wearing a tiara and going to bars where she can’t drink.

But Kade, Tee, and Yuki seem to enjoy themselves. And the conversation is fun and light and doesn’t give Jim a headache quite like Sam does. So Jim tries to enjoy herself too, so that she can share this memory with her kid someday, since the baby is also in attendance.

It’s just not the same without a little heat.

Naturally, Tee and Yuki are still going strong by the day of Jim’s wedding.

The connection between them is so obvious that even Sam has surely noticed. Well, maybe that’s going a little far. Fuzz is preoccupied pining for her pretty partner at the present. Meaning everything else escapes her attention.

Jim’s surprised Sam even bothered to learn the choreography for their group dance at the wedding reception.

She’s even more surprised when both Kirk and Mon are in attendance. Then again, she never did have the guts to revoke his invitation. So the awkward vibe is partially her doing. And partially Sam’s. Who just stands there like a limp noodle trying to avoid her boyfriend while simultaneously lusting after her girlfriend.

Speaking of lust –

“You looked so good up on that stage,” Earth murmurs in Jim’s ear as they dance their first dance as a married couple.

She blushes. “That’s nothing compared to the moves I practiced for tonight. And just wait until you see what I’m wearing.”

“Please tell me you packed enough clothes for the honeymoon,” Earth chuckles, twirling her around the dance floor ever so gently.

He’s always so gentle when it comes to her.

Even before she got pregnant. He has a kindness that’s hard to fake and sometimes Jim worries that she pales in comparison.

So she tries that much harder to make up for –

“I packed lingerie and more lingerie. You won’t want to leave the hotel room by the time I’m through with you, hubby.”

“So much for sightseeing,” he says, though he hardly seems disappointed. “Happy wife, happy life, huh?”

“You’re a fast learner,” she grins, as her smile lights up the room. And her husband looks at her like she is the only woman in the world. Holding her so closely, ensuring she doesn’t stumble, protecting both her and the baby. “I love that about you.”

She can’t imagine a more perfect wedding day.

That is until Kirk decides to propose to Sam.

Chapter Text

Everything was perfect.

But the only thing that could make Kirk’s proposal worse is if someone accidentally spilled the beans about Jim’s pregnancy. She just hasn’t gotten around to telling her parents yet and – never mind.

This is about Kirk making it about him when it’s supposed to be about Jim.

And what’s worse is the utter shock on Mon’s face when she sees Kirk down on one knee. Proposing to her girlfriend. Technically, both their girlfriend, but still. Kirk has obviously lost his mind.

His gamble doesn’t even pay off.

Sam wants nothing to do with it. Instead, she chases after poor Mon, who is so upset by the whole ordeal that she flees the scene yet again. After dropping the bouquet. The bouquet that Jim painstakingly picked out of the florist’s catalog. Not to mention how rude it is to propose at someone else’s wedding.

Talk about stealing the limelight.

The limelight is supposed to be on Jim. But while green isn’t her favorite color, she still wants to bask in it. And by throwing the bouquet, she was allowing a Mon a moment, too. So that everyone could see what a gorgeous girl she is. A single girl, by all accounts, since Sam has yet to lock her down officially.

But the tide is bound to turn as sure as Jim is bound to lose her virginity tonight.

Just kidding about that last part. She didn’t immaculately conceive. But again, her parents don’t need to know when she got pregnant. The fact that they’ll be grandparents sooner than expected just means they’ll be able to spend more time with their grandchild in the long run.

And what grandparent doesn’t want that?

It’s difficult to keep up with all the latest MonSam developments when Jim’s on her honeymoon.

Or is it SamMon?

No, that sounds too much like salmon in English. Whatever their couple name is, it’s nothing compared to the power couple that is Jim and Earth. Who spend most of their trip holed up in their hotel, ordering room service, and making freaky love.

Yes, Fuzzy and her unofficial girlfriend are the farthest thing from Jim’s mind.

Okay, maybe dissecting Sam and Mon’s romance has become a bit of an obsession for Jim.

After she gets back from her honeymoon, she checks her line ID, Mon’s TikTok, and Sam’s Finsta for updates on the relationship. Service on the island was spotty at best, even with the premium Wi-Fi package, so surely there are developments she missed.

But no.

There’s nothing new in Fuzzy’s love triangle. Which is surprising at the rate they’re going. Jim assumed they’d move in together already. Seriously, it’s not like Sam to waste time when she wants something.

 Or someone in this case.

Last she’d seen Fuzz, however, was when she ran out of Jim’s wedding. Away from Kirk and towards Mon. So there’s really no telling what happened. Whether Sam made her choice. Or if she was still acting cowardly.

And – oh no.

Based on this text from Mon, Sam’s ignoring her. She hasn’t been to work, she won’t come out of her house, she’s basically shut everyone out. And when she finally did talk to Mon, she sent her away. On top of that, she fired Mon.

Fuzzy has some nerve firing her best employee.

Maybe Jim didn’t slap enough sense into her if that’s how she behaves. Jim knew she should’ve unscrambled a few of Sam’s brain cells while she was at it. But if Sam is too stubborn to see that Mon is her soulmate, then Jim will just have to intervene.

That’s the only way.

Having an intervention with Sam feels way too confrontational.

Instead, Jim focuses on the other half of the equation. Comforting Mon in her time of need. Gathering their friend group for additional support. And as Jim dries Mon’s tears, she can tell how little she’s slept. How her demeanor has changed. How devastated she is.

Not only to lose her job, but to lose Sam as well.

The reason for Mon’s firing is so stupid anyway! Being short a thousand likes. As though Sam could’ve generated that many on her own without bots. But her feelings for Mon haven’t just gone away, have they?

No, if anything, Sam’s in deeper than she ever thought possible.

Which is scaring her to death. So by pushing Mon away, she thinks she’s protecting herself, but in reality, she’s just making it worse. And Jim, Tee, and Kade are all determined to find a solution. Meaning they’ll have to work together.

Just like the Avengers, but sapphic.

It’s Tee who decides to use Sam’s jealousy against her.

A brilliant and effective plan. One that Sam doesn’t easily see right through. Much better than Jim’s idea to kidnap and deprogram her.

And all it takes is a little white lie.

“I think it’s so selfish of you to break up with your husband just because he snores in his sleep,” Sam yells at Jim.

Okay, not that lie.

Although Jim would be lying if she said she hadn’t considered it. But the white lie they tell Sam is that Mon has applied to Tee’s company now that she’s out of a job. And it works like a charm.

Sam is upset.

Both at the teasing and the thought of Mon leaving. Despite firing her. To be honest, it works a little too well, but the result is all that matters. With Sam storming off and their plan already in motion.

Mon is reinstated as Diversity’s hottest intern by the next business day, but she resigns out of principle.

Which is all according to plan because Team Sapphic Avengers isn’t done yet.

First, they laid the trap. That was the easy part. Angering Sam is so easy a baby could do it. And if anyone knows how to press her buttons, it’s her friends. Who will likely have to go into witness protection after this once she finds out what they’ve done. Or maybe she’ll thank them. Who knows.

Next, they invite Mon out for drinks.

To interrogate her, of course.

“I like Khun Sam,” Mon, with some gentle prodding, admits cautiously. As if one of them is wearing a wire. But her feelings for Sam were never exactly a secret. Not to anyone who has ever been in the same room with them. Other than Kirk.

Or Sam’s staff, apparently.

But the real trick is when they manage to get Sam and Mon face to face.

Outside of the office. Outside of the house. Hell, they even go outside of the restaurant to talk it through. Leaving a very curious group of women inside.

One curious woman in particular.

“Give them their privacy, Jiminator,” Tee warns from her seat.

“That’s like asking me to put my child up for adoption. Not gonna happen,” she replies, dragging Yuki along with her to spy on them from the window. “This is a billion times better than your lakorn, Kade.”

“Really? I don’t see any evil twins, or long-lost lovers, or estranged parents stuck in a coma!” Kade says.

“What are you talking about? The lovers are right there, and if you miss that, then you’re the one stuck in a coma. N’Yuki, tell Kade what she’s missing out on.”

“They’re hugging and crying tears of joy,” Yuki reports.

“See? A happy ending is much more satisfying than the plot of your show.”

“I doubt this is the happily ever after part of their story,” Tee says, killing Jim’s mood instantaneously. “Kirk’s still in the picture and so is Sam’s grandmother.”

“That’s right. Sam and Mon aren’t out of the woods yet. There’s still more to unfold,” Kade agrees.

But Jim is confident, both in her meddling abilities and in the strength of Mon and Sam’s love, saying, “Don’t worry. I’ll see to it myself that their relationship lasts. Or my name isn’t –”

“Martha Washington?”

“Very funny, Tee,” Jim snaps, as Mon and Sam rejoin Team Sapphic Avengers for a celebratory drink, but they’re far too absorbed in each other to notice what’s happening around them.

Eating tiny fruits with a tiny fork while Mon talks about her night with Sam isn’t all that salacious, but that doesn’t stop Jim from enjoying her tiny fruits anyway.

And the highlight is hearing about Sam and Mon’s bath.

That’s the last thing Jim ever expected Sam to do. It’s so romantic and unlike her. Maybe Sam really isn’t that hopeless when it comes to love. Maybe she’s just been saving it for that special someone.

Mon is so lucky –

“Then we watched a documentary about animal mating,” a crestfallen Mon sighs.

Sadly, maybe Jim’s expectations were a little too high for Mon and Sam’s first sleepover as lovers. But it won’t be long before Mon learns all about the birds and the bees.

Jim’s sure of it.

The argument starts when Jim tells the group about her dream at lunch. The one where Kade is most definitely a lesbian. And dreams are basically premonitions. So that’s how Jim knows all of hers are bound to come true.

Unfortunately, Kade doesn’t share the same sentiment.

She crosses her arms. “Unlike you lot, I don’t date women.”

“Hey! I’m married. I don’t date women either,” Jim giggles, thinking back on her sordid dating history and how pleasurable it was. “Well, not anymore.”

Now that she’s settled down with Earth, her time for fun and games is over. Now she’s expected to keep reproducing until her legs will no longer cross. Which is fun in theory, but she has yet to give birth. Birth to Earth’s children.

Making her… Martha Nature.

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, Kade,” Tee says with a sly smirk. “Right, Yuki?”

“It’s so worth it,” Yuki blushes, and although shy at first, she has warmed up to the group quickly, just as Mon has. Only Tee doesn’t feel the need to keep Yuki a secret. Unlike that antisocial Sam.

Hmmm, Auntie Social Sam, a perfect name for –

“That’s what all your conquests say, Tee!” Kade blurts out, before covering her mouth. “Oh, Yuki, I’m so sorry. I hope I didn’t insult you. Tee’s the one I mean to offend. That’s just how we are. That’s the kind of friendship we have, you see?”

Yuki, with her loveable and easygoing personality, writes it off all the same.

No jealous bone in her body. And that’s exactly what Tee needs. Not Instagram models with no real qualities to speak of. Or girls at the club looking for Sugar Mamas. Or worse, girls who treat Tee like they would a man.

But Jim firmly believes that Yuki is a gentle soul. One who has no ill intentions. One who keeps good company. One who simply expressed her interest in Tee and was overjoyed when her affections were returned.

Yes, there is something quite special about Yuki.

“I’m just saying, Kade, that you would look good with another woman. Imagine showing up to red carpets with some equally hot babe, planting a little kiss on her lips, and sending your fans into an uproar. Your socials will thank you!” Jim pitches, visions of fame in her eyes, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a little jealous of Kade’s career.

After all, Jim has all the makings of a star, even if she’s bound to Earth… with Earth.

“Now that just sounds like queerbaiting,” Tee argues, shaking her head.

“Not if she’s into it.”

“I’m not!” Kade huffs, which sounds like a clear case of denial to Jim, who has no less than a dozen single ladies in mind. Ladies with rich upbringings and too much time on their hands, similarly to Jim, but not as fabulous. “Find someone else to tease.”

“But that’s the kind of friendship we have,” Tee repeats, ruffling Kade’s hair like she would a child, earning herself a glare.

“I’ll support you no matter what, P’Kade,” Yuki says kindly.

“Finally! Someone with some common sense. Unlike you two scoundrels always trying to convince me to switch teams,” Kade accuses her friends, but her dramatics are ignored, leaving her to sulk.

Once lunch arrives, Tee double checks the group chat to be sure, asking, “No Sam today?”

“No Mon either,” Yuki sighs, no doubt missing her friend amid the chaos that is Jim, Tee, and Kade. And Jim can’t say that she blames her since Mon has a certain calmness to her. One that has tamed Sam a great deal already.

Dulled her fangs, even.

Jim grins. “Do you think they’ve –”

“Yes,” Kade and Tee reply in unison, causing them all to laugh.

“There’s no way Horn Fuzzy can keep her hands to herself now that they’re official,” Tee continues.

“From what I saw on her birthday, Sam is a smooth operator. She’ll seduce Mon in no time if she hasn’t already. I have no doubt,” Kade says, taking a sip of her drink.

“I have my doubts,” Yuki pipes up in her sweet little voice that Jim just loves so much. It’s cute beyond words and warms Jim’s heart every time she speaks. “Mon would’ve told me.”

“What if they’re doing it right now? Would she tell you the moment it ended? Or do you think she’d wait until the next morning?” Jim asks in rapid-fire succession, but only because she needs immediate answers, and Yuki has known Mon almost as long as they’ve all known Sam. Kind of. Calculating the age difference is too much math for Jim to bother with. “We won’t get any lewd details from Fuzz, I’ll tell you that much.”

Just then, Yuki’s phone pings with a text message and Jim, Kade, and Tee all lean in expectantly.

Eagerly awaiting word from their favorite hopeless virgins. Jim prays that whatever it is, whatever the news, that it’ll restore her faith that sex is supposed to be sexy.

And she’s chomping at the bit for any juicy gossip.

“Just a reminder to take my allergy meds,” Yuki says.

“No need to apologize, beautiful,” Tee tells her girlfriend, wrapping her arm around Yuki’s shoulder and pulling her in close. “It’s good you’re being proactive.”

“C’mon! Don’t you want to know if Sam and Mon have taken the plunge? We need to call them. Then we can brag about being proactive,” Jim insists, because being bossy serves her well, especially when it comes to getting what she wants. Then a thought occurs to her. “Oh, but what if they couldn’t get their claws off? You know those gigantic acrylics they sent us pics of? I’ll bet Sam doesn’t want to remove them since she paid double for two sets.”

Kade taps her forehead. “Sam is incredibly generous when giving gifts, but she doesn’t like to waste money if she can help it. Especially on something that is supposed to last. She prefers quality over quantity. My guess is also that the nails stayed on.”

“Luckily there are other ways for them to consummate the relationship,” Tee replies, having the most firsthand knowledge in the area. “But given Fuzzy’s lack of experience, I’m with you both. She’s clueless. And I’m assuming that Mon is no better off. Am I right, Yuki?”

“This is all very new to Mon. She’s probably overwhelmed. I wouldn’t be surprised if she complained about scratch marks tomorrow,” Yuki says.

“N’Yuki!” Jim shrieks, liking this girl more and more with her subtle wit, proving just how perfect she is for Tee. “You are one naughty girl. Don’t ever change.”

“She’s great, isn’t she?” Tee dotes on Yuki, more in love than she realizes. It’s a good look for her, settling down, taking it slow rather than the breakneck pace she usually sets. And Jim is more than happy for her friend. Even if Tee aggravates the hell out of her. “Beauty and brains.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Kade interrupts, rolling her eyes.  “We still have a problem. Who is going to be the one to tell Sam and Mon that they can’t wear those monstrosities? I nominate Jim!”

“Seconded,” Tee adds before Jim can defend herself.

Or nominate someone else.

“Sorry, P’Jim, but third,” Yuki says sheepishly, and the betrayal hurts the most coming from her after the many nice things Jim thought about her. She takes them back.

She takes them all back.

As much as she hates to admit it, Jim’s lost in this maze of a parking lot.

“Pregnancy brain,” Kade deduces, but she should stick to reciting lines instead of coming up with her own. Nobody wants to hear bad improv. Least of all Jim.

“I wasn’t going to blame it on being pregnant!”

“In fairness, you blame everything on being pregnant these days,” Tee teases with a chuckle, and if Jim knew she’d be today’s target of bullying, she never would’ve come to lunch. “It’s okay, Jimberly. Your hormones are way out of control. They’re causing you to crave everything in sight, pee fifty times a day, and forget where you parked your car. No wonder your anger is blinding you.”

“I’m not angry!”

Kade shakes her head, saying, “You sound pretty angry to me.”

“It won’t be hard to find with my key fob,” Jim replies, forcing a smile and trying not to be annoyed with her friends, although they are constantly pushing her buttons.

“You should’ve ordered a yellow car like Sam,” Kade insists. “Do you think she ever loses her precious Ms. Duanpen? No. Because it stands out. Your car blends in.”

“No, what you should do is trade it in for a minivan,” Tee adds, tacking on even more teasing. “You’re a soon-to-be mother. You can’t keep driving a coupe. It’s not practical.”

To be honest, that’s not something Jim had considered.

Her two-seater isn’t safe for a baby, but surely Earth will buy her a new car. In addition to the one she already has. That way she can still keep her precious angel. Besides, it’s not like she’ll take the baby with her everywhere.

She has nannies.

Well, she will have nannies. Once she takes the time to hire some. But she knows that she’ll need more than one because raising children is a full-time job. And Jim wasn’t born to work.

Jim was born to live a lavish life.

Full of money, and parties, and exclusivity. The kind of lifestyle most people can only dream of. And she knows how fortunate she is to have these material things. But it still feels like there’s something missing. So maybe the baby can fill that void.

Maybe the baby will solve –

“Earth to Jim,” Tee waves her hand in front of Jim to call her attention. “Hello. Is anybody home?”

Dazed from all her daydreaming, Jim snaps out of it. But she must have stared off for a while based on how dumbfounded everyone else looks. “Sorry, I just –”

“Forgot what you were supposed to be doing?” Yuki interjects softly.

“Do you want me to drive you home? It’s no trouble. Yuki can follow us in your car. You might also want to consider hiring a chauffeur,” Tee says, because she’s sweet when she wants to be. “Before you get so big that your belly starts steering the wheel.”

Scratch that, Tee is a menace to society.

Jim hires a chauffeur the next day just as a precaution. She can’t risk her baby getting injured by an airbag if she’s in an accident. She even looks at the safety ratings on family-friendly vehicles and tries not to barf.

But that could just be the morning sickness.

Perhaps this is Jim’s time to shine.

Tee and Yuki have laid the groundwork for Mon and Sam on what to do in bed. Now Jim must find a way for them to complete the mission. She knows that once their first time is out of the way, then they won’t be nearly as nervous, or awkward, and they can all go about their lives. Except this is kind of the most exciting thing in Jim’s life at the moment.

Including the eventual arrival of her baby.

But she wants to be a good friend. Mostly because Mon has brightened up Sam’s world in a way that Jim didn’t think was possible. And Sam is a completely different person around Mon. She’s more patient, caring, and even somewhat kind. Even if Sam doesn’t notice how quickly she’s changing, Jim sees.

Jim sees everything.

She also knows better than to let Sam give her no for an answer. Which is why she shows up at Sam’s unannounced, followed by her driver, with a bottle of Thailand’s finest whiskey, and upsells it even more. Promising it will take them to heaven and back. And as the wheels are turning in Sam’s mind, Jim throws in the most crucial piece of advice:

“Remove these fake nails before you start your mission tonight. And yours too, Mon. Because they will hurt. You get it, right? Good luck, buddies!”

Later that afternoon, she receives a call from Sam letting her know that they have in fact removed the acrylics.

Yes, it’s her time to shine indeed.

The next morning Sam’s Facebook status reads:

Bragging. I did it. With Mon.

While Jim has never been prouder, it makes her roll over and stare at her husband for what feels like an eternity. She isn’t sure what marriage is supposed to be like, but so far, her marriage is just a lot of waiting. Waiting for him to come home from work. Waiting for the maids to finish cleaning. Waiting for the baby to be born.

On the plus side, she has plenty of time.

Time to explore her hobbies. Time to shop. Time to exercise. Time to go to endless doctor’s appointments. There’s just no thrill. No excitement. No falling in love.

Maybe that’s because she’s already in love, but still.

Falling in love is the best part. And watching what Sam and Mon have makes her envious. Her courtship with Earth was not nearly as romantic. It was, however, very much what her parents expected of her. They never really cared if she got a degree or a job.

They simply wanted her to marry well.

And now that she’s done that, it’s fine. The extra financial security is nice. Her future is safe. Although it’s not like she can talk to her husband about why she feels this way. They just got married. They’re newlyweds. Everything should be bright, and shiny, and new.

Not dull, and boring, and tame.

That’s why she lives vicariously through Sam and Mon. Jim doesn’t see anything wrong with it either. She can fantasize all she wants about forbidden loves, unknowing third parties, office dalliances, and whatever else Sam and Mon get up to that she doesn’t yet know about.

Besides, she has a vivid imagination.

So much so that she’s considering optioning her own romance novels. Hot and heavy ones. With the steamiest scenes that would make a porn star blush. And she’d write them all herself. Or at least pay someone to write the ideas down for her.

But the important thing is that they’d be her ideas.

Whether anyone else would buy them is a different matter, but she’d take satisfaction in knowing something that hot came from her imagination. Or from rumors about her friends having sex on their couch. And in their pool.

And on their couch again.

Chapter Text

Sam calls Jim on a Friday afternoon.

“I told Kirk,” she whispers into the phone.

“That his hair looks like Edward Cullen’s? I agree, but in a strange way, it works for him. What you should do is tell him to lay off the turtlenecks –”

“No, I told him about Mon. And me. And our affair.”

It’s baffling because Sam never confides in anyone.

Let alone Jim.

“Why are you telling me, Fuzz?”

Sam clicks her tongue. “You’re always the first to find out anyway. Besides, I wanted to tell someone since I can’t tell my grandmother. I – I didn’t even mean to let it slip to Kirk. I was just frustrated that he kept trying to interfere with the business and involved Nita without my consent!”

“Whoa, he’s been in touch with your rival?” Jim asks, although she’s not about to blame Sam for failing to notice. Or for having an affair. Especially when Kirk had his own blinders on. If he was smart, he would’ve discovered what was going on between Sam and Mon at Jim’s wedding.

Their chemistry is undeniable.

“And the worst part is that Nita knew about Mon and me. She figured it out from our matching bracelets. She implied it. She even came onto me.”

“She came on you?”

“She came onto me, Jim. Get your mind out of the gutter. I swear those pregnancy hormones are making you more perverted than usual,” Sam sulks.

Jim giggles, replying, “I should’ve gotten pregnant sooner then.”

“Stop picturing it!”

“You try getting that image out of your head, Fuzz. You’re attractive, Mon’s attractive, Nita’s attractive. I think you three lovely ladies should form a throuple.”

Now that would send Sam’s grandmother to an early grave.

If the news of Sam’s breakup with Kirk hasn’t already.

Speaking of which –

“Kirk’s not going to tattle, is he?” Jim adds nervously.

Sam gulps. “I have no choice but to trust him. I’m taking Mon away for the weekend. Some resort called Cherrisa. So that we can spend time together outside of the city. Like real couples do.”

“You are a real couple,” Jim assures her, and the fact that Sam ended her engagement to Kirk shows growth. Her relationship with Mon was always going to suffer if she hadn’t. And it’s that newfound sense of maturity –

“Realer than Chin and Yha at least,” Sam snidely remarks, leaving Jim wondering who the hell she’s referring to.

Sam and Mon go off on their little vacation, Tee and Yuki join them at some point, and Kade is off filming.

Leaving Jim alone.

With her husband.

Not that it’s a bad thing, per se. Their honeymoon was all kinds of freaky. It’s just that things have cooled off in the bedroom. Not because Jim has gained pregnancy weight. She doesn’t think that’s the reason anyway. But her libido has definitely waned.

And it’s supposed to be the opposite, right?

She’s supposed to be as horny for her husband as Sam is for Mon. If not more so. And that just won’t do. She should be gettin’ some every hour on the hour. On the bed, in the shower, against the wall. Getting railed bent over the balcony railing.

Because Jim is sexy, and vivacious, and desirable.

But oftentimes, Earth is tired after work. Whatever his career is. He falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow and he wakes up so early that Jim’s not about to take care of his morning wood.

Jim’s more of a late afternoon –

“Babe,” Earth interrupts her train of thought, “have you seen my golf clubs? I’m supposed to hit the links tomorrow.”

“I have.”

“Well, where are they?”

“I hid them,” she replies, purposely denying him more information.

“Okay,” he says, processing what she’s just admitted to, as if it’s not a wife’s right to hide her husband’s golf clubs when her friends are all out of town. “I’m guessing you would rather I stay home with you instead?”

It’s not exactly a stab in the dark.

They haven’t spent much time together as a married couple outside of the bedroom either. Which is crazy because they have a baby on the way. So they should bond over that. And start decorating the nursery or something.

Jim purses her lips. “I just think we need to decide on a name.”

“Yeah, totally, but we don’t know the sex yet,” Earth sighs, but upon seeing the look of disappointment on Jim’s face, he adds, “Uh, or how about we each write a list of our top ten and then we’ll compare?”

“Make it twenty. And we’re doing it now. Tomorrow you’re taking me out on a date.”

Besides, the golf course will still be there later.

Jim might not be.

Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but it feels like the fate of their marriage rests on picking out a solid name for the baby. A sturdy name. A name not unlike Martha. And when she brings this up to Earth –

“My brothers are named Wind and Fire,” he mutters under his breath, but Jim’s not here for a lecture on her husband’s family lore.

No matter how deep it goes.

It happens in the blink of an eye.

One minute, Sam’s pursuing what she really wants in life, and the next she’s at her grandmother’s bedside, tending to her every need. It’s hard enough for Jim to keep up with so she knows Mon must be exhausted.

Rooting for Fuzz often is a losing battle.

With poor Mon is caught in the middle. Which is never fun unless it’s a threesome. And Jim wants to support them both, she does, but she is also secretly hoping that Sam’s grandmother kicks the bucket. That would solve all of Fuzzy’s problems.

She’d no longer feel obligated to marry Kirk, for one.

Because apparently that’s still happening. Despite Sam breaking off her engagement to Kirk and getting engaged to Mon. It’s giving Jim such intense whiplash she hardly knows what to RSVP for. Although she’ll still gladly be Matron of Honor…

…if Sam chooses Mon.

Meanwhile, Jim’s still dodging calls from her mother-in-law. Nagging at her for ultrasound photos, begging to be in the delivery room, asking for paternity tests. A total distraction from what’s really important.

Girl on girl drama.

And the answer to her mother-in-law’s questions is no. No, she hasn’t gotten the ultrasound framed yet. No, the only people allowed in the delivery room are the doctors and nurses. No, she won’t be taking a paternity test because Earth is, without a doubt, the father.

She doesn’t have time to argue with a woman who named her son after an R&B group when the fate of Sam and Mon’s relationship is on the line.

Fuzzy makes her choice and it’s the wrong one.

And Jim’s known her to do some stupid things before, but this is her worst decision since adopting that damn dog knowing her grandmother would never let it in the house. But Sam has always been loyal to her family.

A little too loyal given how she’s treated in return.

“How’s the new job going, N’Mon?” Jim asks over the phone.

“I like it okay, P’Jim, but it’s just temporary until I find something full time.”

“Tee will gladly hook you up with a position at her company, you know.”

“I might take her up on that offer. I’m not sure. I was kind of hoping for something in my field.”

“You could always work for Nita,” Jim jokes, but that’s likely to give Fuzz a heart attack. Although Mon is highly qualified to work under her. And if it were Jim, she’d be under Nita in more ways than one. Immediately. “But if you ask me, whoever lasts at Diversity longer than a week is capable of doing any job!”

“I loved working with – I loved working there.”

Jim considers her next words carefully. “I know your boss drove you crazy on occasion, but she loved working with you too. And for what it’s worth, I think she’ll come to her senses. Just give it a while, okay?”

Mon’s voice cracks. “I can’t put my life on hold forever, P’Jim.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Jim agrees, as much as it pains her, but Mon deserves happiness. And right now she is miserable. Moving out of Sam’s house and back in with her parents. Looking for an exact replica of the job she had. Trying to feel something other than numb.

She barely meets up with the group anymore. Instead preferring to stay at home in her pajamas. Listening to Wildest Dreams on repeat. Jim loves Taylor Swift as much as the next girl, but that much is overkill.

And as the months go by, it only gets harder for Jim to watch.

Nothing spoils Jim’s baby shower like a budget.

But that’s exactly what Earth gives her after she spends too much money on necessities like Hermes bags, and a post-pregnancy wardrobe from Prada, and Louboutins that don’t fit because her feet are swollen. She didn’t marry rich just to get put on a budget. Although she did also marry for love, so she’ll forgive him this time.

But if he ever –

“Ice?” Jim asks, going over her checklist.

“Check,” says Sam.

“Party favors?”

“Check.”

“Fun and games?”

Fuzz hesitates. “About that, Jim. I was thinking Tee and Kade could manage the games without me.”

“Manage the games? It’s not baseball we’re talking about, Fuzz. It’s smearing melted chocolate bars on diapers, or pinning a tail on a baby, or whatever you three came up with,” Jim accosts her, stressed by her new financial burdens. “You said you needed something to take your mind off your wedding to Kirk, so I graciously allowed you to plan my baby shower, did I not?”

“A decision I immediately regretted,” Sam grits her teeth, and at the rate she’s going, she’ll need a set of dentures by the end of the day. “Look, I’ll set the whole thing up, and I’ll help clean up afterward. Whatever you need. But I can’t stay for the party.”

Ah, so that’s what this is about.

A guest that Jim conveniently forgot to uninvite yet again.

But Mon has become a great friend to Jim since they met. It didn’t seem right to tell her she couldn’t come. And Sam has been Jim’s best friend since they were young.

What a conundrum.

“You can’t be in the same room as her?” Jim asks quietly, changing her tone. She can see the pain in Sam’s eyes and hear the hurt in her voice. Jim’s never seen her this broken before. And it worries her to no end. “It’s that bad?”

“I can’t breathe without missing her.”

“Yikes, it really is that bad,” Jim says without skipping a beat. “What’ll happen if you talk to her? I’m serious, Sam. She misses you too. Just strike up a –”

“I can’t.”

“You can, but you won’t.”

“I made a promise.”

“Screw your promise! This is your life and only you get to decide how to live it. Don’t let your grandmother ruin the best thing in it.”

Sam laughs darkly. “Funny. My sister said something along those lines.”

“Song told you that from beyond the grave?” Jim gasps as Sam rolls her eyes.

“My other sister.”

“Oh. I didn’t know Neung was back in town. Is she still hot?” Jim jokes.  “Relax, Fuzz. I’m only trying to lighten the mood. It’s okay if you want to skip the party. I just hope you and Mon can learn to coexist someday because you both mean the world to me.”

“That’s very kind of you, Jim,” Sam clears her throat, pretending not to cry, while Jim gives her the courtesy of pretending not to notice.

Just then, Tee and Kade wander over to where Jim and Sam are setting up.

Not wanting them to see Sam’s state of disarray, Jim changes the subject.  “What about food and beverages? Did you order enough for everyone?”

“I got everything you wanted,” Sam nods dutifully.

“Really? Then what’s all this wine doing here? The man at the liquor store already thinks I’m a lush! What if he showed up right now and saw wine at my baby shower?” Jim gives Sam a pointed look, praying that she catches on and plays along. She takes a bottle out of the box. “Hmmm?”

Sam snatches it back from her. “Then the man at the liquor store would be correct. When you’re not pregnant, that is. The wine is for your guests. And I just so happen to be one.”

It’s eerie watching Fuzz slide back into her role of the domineering CEO.

But it does represent a confidence that Sam has lacked for months. Instead, she let her grandmother walk all over her, she let Kirk put a ring on her finger, and she let Mon leave.

And it’s impossible to choose the worst offense.

“Yeah? Not for long. You are hereby banished from my party,” Jim declares.

“There’s no need for all that,” Tee interjects, but she’s ignored, and so is Kade, who should be used to it after her numerous failed auditions.

“Fine,” Sam huffs. “I’ll go, but I’m taking the wine with me.”

“Good riddance!” Jim calls after her, performing the role of overemotional pregnant woman so perfectly that she ought to win an award. Sam needed an out, so Jim’s giving her one, at the risk of looking like a fool.

But she’ll do anything for a friend.

“Thank you,” Sam mouths before slinking off into the shadows.

Afterwards, Mon tells Jim and Kade that she’s moving to England.

Her job search in Thailand amounted to nothing, though Jim suspects her heart wasn’t in it to begin with. But while Jim can’t blame Mon for leaving, the irony is that she never would’ve let Sam skip the party had she known.

Because when they’re together, the tension is so palpable that it should be studied. And physical attraction is the only science Jim would ever bother studying, so if they’d just express –

Well, their feelings aren’t the issue either.

The issue is that Sam won’t go against her grandmother. She’s too obedient and too scared of disappointing her. And Mon has already fought so hard for their relationship. She shouldn’t have to put in all the effort.

Relationships aren’t supposed to be one-sided.

Just like life isn’t supposed to be a tragedy.

It’s supposed to be a comedy instead.

Jim calls an emergency meeting to discuss the latest development in Mon and Sam’s rollercoaster of a relationship.

“We have a problem.”

Tee braces herself. “What is it, Jim Kardashian?”

“We need to get our favorite couple back together before Mon leaves for England and Sam marries Kirk,” she says, panic setting in at the thought of Sam losing another person in her life.

“But Fuzzy’s hellbent on respecting her grandmother’s wishes.”

“So?” Jim scoffs. “We didn’t scheme to get them together in the first place for it all to fall apart. Remember Operation Natasha Romanoff? Allow me to introduce Operation Yelena Belova.”

“Jim, I hate to say it, but maybe this is one situation we can’t interfere with. Or shouldn’t. We’re talking about people’s lives here,” Tee sighs.

“Maybe Tee is right. Maybe Mon and Sam’s relationship always had an expiration date. Maybe it’s better that they broke up now before it got even harder,” Kade adds.

“I can’t believe either of you! Of course this is Sam and Mon’s lives we’re talking about. And I’m the only one trying to save them. Do you honestly think Sam is happy marrying Kirk? Do you honestly think Mon is happy watching her lover get married? Where is the happiness in that?” Jim challenges.

“I know, I know, but it’s not up to us to decide what happens to Fuzz and Mon,” Kade says. “Plotting and planning will only get us so far. The rest is up to them!”

“But why do they have to be so stupid about it?” an exasperated Jim replies. “Fall in love, get married, have kids. It’s that simple.”

“It’s not that simple for everyone,” Tee argues logically, and Jim hates it when she uses logic to win arguments. It’s cheating.  “Jim, you were lucky enough to marry a great guy, even after your track record, and now you’re blessed enough to have a baby on the way. Doesn’t mean we’re all going to follow in your footsteps. Kade, for example, is doomed to be alone forever.”

“Tee, has anyone ever told you that you’re a master of insults disguised as compliments?” Kade says, smacking her on the arm. “A true artist.”

“She’s all talk is what she is. And what’s wrong with getting married and having kids?” Jim asks.

Tee shrugs. “Nothing. It’s just not what I’d choose, personally. I’m content right now.”

“What if Yuki wants to get married?”

“Then eventually, later down the road, we’ll discuss it.”

“Oooh,” Jim and Kade squeal, because Tee so rarely discusses her relationships, and she’s never had one quite so serious. But she’s found a keeper. “Tee and Yuki sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love. Then comes –”

Operation Yelena Belova may never reach full term, but Jim’s baby almost has.

Yes, it won’t be long until Jim Junior is here. That’s just what she’s calling him for now. She and Earth still haven’t settled on a name. They just want to meet him first. And she was pleasantly surprised to find out she was having a boy.

She thought for sure she’d be a #girlmom.

But sadly, Mon is due to leave before the baby arrives. And she already has a fantastic new job lined up there, so Jim can’t convince her to stay for that reason.

Then there’s the reason she chose not to stay.

Sam, for her part, has kept her distance. It’s easier for her that way. She can’t just be friends with Mon. Not after what they’ve been through. Not after everything they’ve experienced. Not after all those steamy baths together.

Speaking of baths, Mon cleans up nicely.

She looks older and more mature now that she’s cut her hair short. And she’s listening to less and less Taylor Swift these days as far as Jim’s aware. She really seems like she’s ready to move on.

On the outside.

But Jim sits next to her in the backseat of Tee’s SUV on the way to the airport. She sees how Mon struggles to delete Sam’s picture. It’s not even a cute one either. Sam appears irritated. And possibly constipated.

Jim would have no trouble deleting that picture.

However, Mon is a sentimental person. She loved Sam for her faults as well as her attributes. And she never really cared what was in Sam’s bank account. Which is the first thing Jim looks for in a romantic partner.

So Jim offers to call Fuzz for her, but it turns out that’s not necessary.

Like a scene from a movie, or one Kade’s lame lakorns, Sam is right behind them in her bright yellow car. Burning rubber to catch up with them. No doubt to say her goodbyes forever.

See, this is why Jim condones stalking exes on Instagram.

Otherwise Fuzzy wouldn’t have known they were en route to the airport. And as tempted as Jim was to text her, she refrained. Mostly because she got caught.

But the important thing is that Sam’s here now.

The last words Jim ever expected to hear Sam say was that her grandmother changed her mind.

That she could not stand to see her granddaughter suffer any longer. And it’s about damn time too. Sam has already sacrificed so many years of her life trying to be perfect in her eyes. To fit a certain image. To not disappoint.

But she’s finally allowed to get what she wants.

And what she wants is standing in front of her, in a pink ensemble, mouth agape. Because Mon can’t believe it either. That just as she was going to move on with her life –

Here comes Sam.

Looking dashing as ever in all black. The two really are opposites in many ways, but they complement each other so well. And the chemistry oozing off them is practically radioactive.

If Jim stands too closely, she might melt.

“Get a room!” she shouts from the car as Sam and Mon rekindle both their romance and Jim’s desire to get laid.

Oh yes, her dry spell ends tonight.

Earth had better prepare for landing.

Giving birth isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but the drugs are to die for.

The feeling reminds Jim of her days in the club, when she was high as a kite, only back then she was also careless and carefree. And now she’s about to take on the biggest responsibility of all: motherhood.

Although she could still drop it low if she wanted to. On a normal day. Any day other than today. The drugs might also be inducing delusions in addition to labor.

But allusions to Jim’s delusions aside –

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to meet you, baby,” she tells her son as they both cry. As she finally gets to hold him in her arms. She looks at Earth. “I love you both so much.”

His eyes mist as his wife cradles their newborn to her chest. “Hey, welcome to the family, little guy. Mommy and I are excited that you’re finally here. We’re gonna be the best parents you ever had. We love you.”

It’s a moment that lasts for forever until Earth’s mother pounds on the door, demanding to be let in, having lost the fight to be in the delivery room. Not that she ever stood a chance against the best tag team in the world.

Now make that a tag trio.

Later, when all four grandparents have had a chance to fawn over the baby, Jim’s friends come to call. To do the very same thing. Not that Jim blames them.

She has the cutest baby by far.

“Kid, if you’re anything like your mom, then your dad should invest in some earplugs,” Tee advises. “And if you’re anything like your dad, then you know the key to real investing is to start early. Which is why I set up a portfolio for you. You’ll be the richest tyke in Thailand.”

“I’ll buy you your first drum set,” Kade offers, nudging Sam in the ribs.

“Oh, and I’ll pay to soundproof your house once he’s old enough to play the drums,” Sam tells Jim, who can only be grateful for her friends’ generosity. Although their gift ideas leave much to be desired. And not one of them got her a push gift. Sam adds, “I can also throw in piano lessons if you’d like.”

“Are you going to teach him how to play, Fuzzy?” Jim quirks an eyebrow.

“I meant I’ll hire a piano teacher. The best teacher money can buy. Or any private instruction. D – Do babies like to swim?” Sam stammers nervously.

“I think it’s a little early for that, Teerak,” Mon smiles, letting her hand caress the small of Sam’s back, and if ever there was a perfect match for Samanan Anantrakul, it’s Kornkamon Phetpailin. “So, Jim, what’s his name?”

It’s the day of Mon and Sam’s wedding and Jim leaves the baby at home with her husband.

Not because she wants to relieve her glory days of partying it up, but because she trusts Earth to do a good job. And okay, maybe she’s double fisting champagne before the ceremony begins, but nine months is a long time to wait, and she’ll pump and dump when she gets home.

But today is about celebrating Sam and Mon.

Therefore, Jim is going to have a few celebratory drinks. She didn’t meddle for nothing. She didn’t pull a few strings for nothing either.

If anything, this is a celebration of her efforts.

It was Jim who came up with Operation Natasha Romanov. It was Jim who stoked Mon’s jealousy. It was Jimwho bought the whiskey. And as far as she’s concerned, Jim is the one who got them back together.

Regardless of how it actually went down.

“Wow, Fuzz spared no expense,” Kade marvels at the fancy venue, even going so far as to inspect the glassware. “Much nicer than your wedding, Jim.”

Jim squints. “Are you calling mine cheap?”

“Now that you mention it, yes,” Kade says, shrugging.

“Ladies, ladies, calm down,” Tee says. “We don’t want to ruin Mon and Sam’s big day with our squabbling, do we?”

“Fuzz ruined my wedding first when Kirk got down on one knee,” Jim states, though she holds no ill will, despite being upstaged. And the only person she’s upset with now is Kade. Who talks a lot of smack as the only single one. “Lucky for her, I decided to be the bigger person.”

“Yeah, you’re known for your forgiveness,” Tee says sarcastically. She sighs, adding, “Let’s just have a good time and give the brides the wedding they deserve. They’ve earned it.”

Kade nods. “Agreed.”

“Jim?”

“Okay, I won’t steal their thunder. I said I’d be the bigger person and I will. Scout’s honor!” Jim promises, but then a devious thought enters her mind. “Are you sure you won’t interrupt the reception, Tee? I’ll bet Yuki is dying for a proposal by now. And weddings are just sooo romantic.”

“Not quite,” Tee glances around to see if her girlfriend is nearby, but fortunately Yuki is busy fulfilling her maid of honor duties elsewhere. She leans in closely, letting them in on a secret. “But soon.”

“Congrats, Tee, you softie!” Kade says, giving her a hug.

“I haven’t popped the question yet.”

“But you’re going to. That’s the important thing. And I, for one, am to thank. To which I say, you’re welcome,” Jim beams.

“You don’t get to take credit for that, Jiminy Cricket.”

“Of course I do. I’m responsible for everybody’s relationship if you think about it. Me and Earth, Mon and Sam, Tee and Yuki,” Jim says, rattling off her accomplishments, and she’s seriously starting to consider a career in matchmaking. Either that or a spy.

Like her heroes, Natasha and Yelena.

Oh, maybe she’s cut out to be a private detective. With a tailored trench coat, and a magnifying glass, and a murder mystery to solve. Or catching cheating spouses. She’d look so sexy solving crimes that the criminals would beg to be arrested by her.

Making her job that much easier.

“So when are you going to set me up with the love of my life, huh?” Kade asks.

“What are you talking about? We’re at a wedding. There are tons of beautiful ladies here, Kade.”

“I’m not gay!” Kade exclaims loudly, still in denial.

“It would be okay if you were,” Tee comforts her, earning a laugh from Jim at Kade’s expense. But one day their friend will see the error of her ways. Jim’s sure of it.

Besides, she already has someone in mind for her favorite idol. Someone she may have convinced to crash the reception. Someone other than Kirk.

No offense to him, it’s just that the person Jim has in store for Kade will no doubt challenge her.

This person will be the bane of her existence. This person will be the source of her annoyance. But deep down, this person just wants to love and be loved. This person is perfect for a commitment-phobe like Kade.

And as her last remaining single friend catches Mon’s bouquet later that evening, Jim is reminded that some stories really do have happy endings.

Just not with Kirk.

Again, no offense.

In the not-so-distant future…

“Tiny fruits with a tiny fork, we’re eating tiny fruits with a tiny fork. For my tiny baby from the tiny stork,” Jim sings to herself as she prepares a snack for her son. “Mars, honey, eat. Mama has clients in an hour. Soulmates don’t match themselves, y’know. Just ask Auntie Kade. She resisted at first, but now look at her and Nita.”

“No!” he pouts, the spitting image of his mother in the moment. Also taking after her in personability. And Jim can’t deny how much she loves being his mother. Motherhood truly is what she was missing all along. That and her career.

And now that he’s out of diapers, she’s gone from five nannies to four.

“But you love tiny fruits, baby.”

“I’m not a baby. I’m a big brother.”

“Soon, my love. You will be soon. Has Daddy told you the name we picked out?”

“Pluto.”

Jim takes a piece of fruit for herself and sighs. “Pretty sure I vetoed that.”

“Ju–pit–er?” Mars sounds it out, and although he can’t quite pronounce his brother’s name just yet, he’s smart for his age. Too smart for his own good.

He gets that from her as well.

“That’s right, my little god of war. We’re calling him Jupiter. I’m outnumbered by planets as it is, but at least it’s not Pluto,” Jim says fondly, rolling her eyes at Earth’s insistence on sticking with a space theme. “I’m putting that one off as long as I can.”

Yes, baby number two is well on the way. And if Jim just so happens to want more kids, who knows what could happen in the future? She might even have an entire solar system someday.

Minus Uranus.