Archive of Our Own ^beta

[Inside the iconic break room of the Smiling Friends Incorporated, Charlie, Pim, Alan, and Glep are all excited over something.]

Pim: This is so exciting! The four of us rarely ever get to do missions together!

Alan: What is the mission-uh?

Pim: I’m not actually sure. The Boss was pretty discrete about it and just said he needed all four of us to do it.

Charlie: I mean as long as it doesn’t involve any heavy lifting, I’m okay with anything.

Alan: Why specifically that?

Charlie: Oh I’m just sore after a heavy workout at the gym yesterday.

Pim: I forgot you work out, Charlie.

Charlie: Oh yeah I just resumed like literally yesterday ever since that bar fight at Wimblo’s.

Pim: Yeah that was really bad, Charlie. Wasn’t he like sitting on you for five minutes?

Charlie: I wouldn’t say five minutes, closer to four and a half, but pretty soon I’ll be a weight lifting champion just like my uncle before his horrific muscle tear in 1998.

[The all too familiar Smiling Friends alarm goes off, causing people outside to run away and a car to spontaneously combust within two seconds. Charlie and Pim are suddenly in The Boss’ room.]

Boss: I got great news, guys! You two are going on a special trip to make a very important client smile…in SPAAAACE!

[The Boss does spastic jazz hands to emphasize the “space”.]

Charlie: Cool.

Boss: [Using his southern voice with a serious tone.]  Now y’all don’t have a problem with space travel, do ya?

Charlie: Absolutely not. We actually went to space a while ago. It was…[Tries his best not to remember how it ended.] It was- well it doesn’t matter. We’re cool with it. Right, Pim?

Pim: I don’t mind going to space for a job, Mr. Boss, but weren’t Charlie and I going to help Alan and Glep with something? 

[The Boss snaps his fingers.]

Boss: Drat. I knew I was forgetting something. Hold on, boys.

[The Boss pulls a telephone out of his drawer and calls somebody. He talks completely normal.]

Boss: Yeah it’s me. No, no. Everything is fine, yeah. It’s just- what? Oh that’s just the ventilation system. Yeah. Well I’m calling because I know I was supposed to send two of my employees over for the job, but I just remembered I have this other thing that requires all four of my employees to carry and- huh? Oh really? I mean if it’s not too inconvenient, I would appreciate that. Alright, cool. Yeah you can send them over as soon as possible. Okay. Thanksies.

[The Boss hangs up as the duo stares blankly. The Boss’ usual voice picks back up.]

Boss: Problem solved. Good luck!

[A spaceship instantly arrives and sucks up Charlie and Pim. They are heard screaming for .5 seconds before entering the spacecraft. It then shoots out two characters before zipping off instantly with very little frames in between. In the break room, the door opens and The Boss stands there with his hands together smiling.]

Alan: Mr. Boss. What happened to Charlie and Pim-uh?

Boss: Oh they’re off helping a client in need. No biggie!

Alan: But weren’t we supposed to be DOing a four person mission?

Boss: Don’t worry! I got you covered. In their absence, I present Scratch and Grounder!

[Scratch and Grounder from the hit show, the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, enter the room.]

Boss: I’m sure you two don’t mind helping my boys out.

Scratch: [Slightly sarcastic.] Oh we are TOTALLY helpful!

Grounder: [Heavily sarcastic.] Yeah! We looove helping!

[Scratch hits Grounder.]

Scratch: That was way too sarcastic, bolts for brains! Now he’ll never believe us!

Boss: Great! Here’s the instructions, haha.

[A small red card manifests itself into Alan’s hand. The Boss closes the door and leaves. Alan casually looks at his temps. He reads the card.]

Alan: So have you guys ever done group projects?

Grounder: Yeah! We looove helping in groups and collaborating with others!

Scratch: Is that all you can say? [Looks back at the tall ted creature.] But it’s very true! We can’t wait to be so helpful that your boss may end up hiring us! [Does his iconic laugh.]

[The two run off snickering. Alan looks at Glep.]

Alan: I don’t really like them-uh. Do you, Glep?

Glep: SCHABLOSEESKABALEBOLEBOLBA.

Alan: Agreed. [Folds his arms and sighs.]

[On the planet Mobius, Pim and Charlie are beamed into the throne room where Dr. Robotnik said the thing. You know the thing. Their client sits and stares down at them.]

Robotnik: Ah. You two must be my captive companions with the menial mission of making me smile.

Pim: Captive? Nobody said anything about-

Robotnik: Well you [Points at them with his grotesque detailed fingers.] two HAVE to make me smile!

Charlie: Well we don’t have to. There was this one time with Desmond where we almost failed but uh…we…didn’t.

Robotnik: Yes…those are the rrrules to your job.

[Charlie gets up and brushes himself off.]

Charlie: Well alright, dude. What’s uh- what’s the problem? 

Pim: Yeah I’m sure we can help you out without needing to threaten us. We’ll be dedicated to make you smile.

[Robotnik lets out a dramatic sigh.]

Robotnik: Many reasons. All I want to do is take over Mobius. I can crreate chaotic contrraptions capable of constant calamity, and yet my ambitions are ambushed by adolescent animals every time! I can’t do it alone. So I make Scrratch and Grrounder, and they are simply the worst. [Starts sounding more calm.] I got this crazy ex that won’t leave me alone and beats me up constantly. My momma always shows up at terrible times and makes me feel inferior. I can’t stand my other robot, Coconuts. Oh and I hate that hedgehog, gr.

[Pim and Charlie look at him dumbfounded.]

Pim: Alright. Um… [Scratches one big dandruff off of his head.] That’s a lot to unpack. Not sure if we can solve all of those problems. But what we can do is get to the base of it all and see what happens. What makes you happiest?

Robotnik: Seeing my nemesis, Sonic the Hedgehog, in absolute distress and in dangerous situations that would surely be his end.

Pim: Have you considered not trying to kill him?

Charlie: Yeah isn’t he like eight?

Pim: How did you know that, Charlie?

Charlie: His personal information is on that computer, dude.

[Points at an old monitor with Sonic’s personal information on it.]

Pim: That’s not a good look, Dr. Robotnik.

[Robotnik widens his eyes.]

Robotnik: Wait, I'm not keeping that because I’m a creep. I just want to kill him.

[Pim looks at Charlie.]

Pim: Isn’t that worse?

Charlie: I don’t know, man. [Looks at Robotnik.] Well how about this? Let’s do some stuff that you like that doesn’t involve murder. Does that sound good?

Robotnik: [Grumbles] I suppose. [Furrows his brow.] 

Pim: Why don’t you try inventing something? You did say you like making machines. Surely you can make something useful with that intellect of yours!

Robotnik: [Smirks] You’re rrright, my pink positive partner. I shall make something to benefit society! 

[Robotnik’s phone rings.]

Robotnik: Hold on. [Answers it.] Yeah?

Katella: Hellooo my love!

[Robotnik’s eyes enlarge in fear several times their original size for a moment and his jaw drops on the floor.]

Robotnik: Wh-Why are you calling me?

[Robotnik bites on his nails as they fly offscreen. Cuts to Katella’s spaceship flying super fast.]

Katella: I was just in the neighborhood enslaving helpless Slithwingies and decided to drop by real quick to give you a biig smooch!

Robotnik: Uhhh that won’t be necessary!

Katella: Well I’m coming anyways. See ya!

[She hangs up. A mosquito-like alien is in front of her for a few frames and screams before splatting into green paste, so Katella uses her windshield wipers.]

Robotnik: You see? Katella is relentless! And I thought I was the villain! 

Pim: Well why don’t we get to work on your invention? Let’s get to inventiiing!

Charlie: Dude. Check out the sweet robot monkey. I think my uncle used to sell android monkeys like this before the FBI cracked down on his business.

[Charlie points at Coconuts, who glares angrily at him.]

Charlie: Does he do cool awesome tricks?

Coconuts: I got a cool trick for ya!

Charlie: What?

[Coconuts glares at Charlie for a few moments before chomping down on his finger. He screams for half a second before cutting back to Alan, Glep, Scratch, and Grounder walking to the address listed on the card. Alan knocks on the door of a shady looking warehouse. A light brown character made in Blender comes out chewing gum. It looks at him briefly as its eyeballs scroll down to Glep and back to Allen. It quickly drops a giant rectangular red box in front of them and instantly closes the door. Alan tries to pick it up but it does not budge.]

Alan: Oh. So that’s why he needed four people to lift this thing-uh.

[Scratch and Grounder slide into frame with big grins.]

Scratch: Need some help lifting that?

Alan: Uh, yeah?

[Cuts to the four holding the box down the sidewalks: Alan, Scratch, Grounder, and Glep in that order. Glep sees a gas station and does the wee wee dance as he drops it. Everyone stops in front of a slightly open door.]

Glep: BAHYOYEEYOYEEMAMOYEEYEEYOYEESCAMAMOBOLASA-

Alan: Sorry, Glep. You’ll just have to hold it until we get back to the office. Also I am not hoisting you up again-uh.

Glep: BAHSOOYEEYAMAYEEYEESCABODOLAMEENAYEEYEEPOLOBOSCOMABASCOLA!

[Glep spits on Alan’s face, aggravating him. He groans. Eyes watch from the open door.]

Alan: Fine-uh. [Points at Scratch and Grounder.] You two better keep a good eye on our box.

Grounder: You can count on us! [Tries to make a thumbs up.]

Alan: Okay.

[Alan and Glep go into the gas station.]

Grounder: I wonder what’s in the box.

Scratch: Don’t look, dummy!

Grounder: Why not?

Scratch: Because you’ll mess everything up somehow! We are not messing up this job, okay?

Grounder: Just one peek.

[Grounder looks inside and his eyes widen before closing it.]

Scratch: What was it?

Grounder: Uhh-

[A puddle of pink slime drips out of the open door and forms a six foot slime like creature that is see through with two eyeballs and dentures inside.]

Jellomo: Ueeheehee! [Looks at them and speaks in a soothing deep voice.] Hey.

[The robots already feel uncomfortable.]

Scratch: Hey?

Jellomo: Whatcha got there?

Scratch: N-Nothing?

Jellomo: Doesn’t like nothing. Can I see inside?

Grounder: No, that’s okay-

Jellomo: Can I have it?

Scratch: Well you can’t really have it be-

Jellomo: Well I want it. Can I have it? Can I- Can I have it?

Scratch: No, dude. This is like company property and-

Jellomo: Yeah? F*** your company. I want that. 

Grounder: Hey, you can’t talk to us like-

[Jellomo gets in their face.]

Jellomo: What’s up? You wanna go, bro? I’ll f*****g knock your ass out. I’ll f*****g kill you. F*****g kill you. F*** you. I want that box. You’re gonna gimme that box cuz I can’t afford shit in this neighborhood. Gimme the f*****g box.

[Scratch gets agitated and gets in front of Grounder.]

Scratch: Okay, slime guy. You need to go before-

[Jellomo delivers dozens of punches into Scratch’s gut within two seconds. He falls to the ground and he punches Grounder’s face when he tries to get close. He grabs the box with ease and scurries off. Scratch coughs and neither can get up. Back in Robotnik’s lair, he finishes up creating a jade colored robot that is shaped like Hierophant Green but with googly eyes and a robotic mouth.]

Robotnik: It is done! Feast your eyes on this magnificent machine!

[Pim looks in awe, but Charlie remains neutral.]

Pim: Excellent work, Dr. Robotnik. What does it do?

Robotnik: This is Wallis. His one and only function is to solve prrroblems!

Pim: Ooh. What kind of problems?

Robotnik: Any!

Pim: Okay. Wallis?

Wallis: Hm?

Pim: I uh…I haven’t really been having the best of luck finding a girlfriend as of late. How do I get girls to like me more?

Wallis: Uhh…self confidence. Girls uh…like confident partners. If she doesn’t, then she’s not the right one for you.

Charlie: That’s actually a good answer.

Pim: Yeah. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.

Charlie: Hey, Wallis? I’m a big fan of Cupboard Mouse, and they’re releasing a remake of it with Joey Kone reprising his role as the Cupboard Mouse. Do you think that’s a good idea? Will the movie still suck or-

Wallis: Cupboard Mouse is a psychological comedy film released in theaters July 28th, 1995 starring a teenage Macauly Culkin discovering the titular Cupboard Mouse in his cheese drawer, and the two become an unlikely duo solving crimes in the suburbs. Since the movie is nearly 30 years old, Joey Kone at the age of 80 may not have the same energy he once had playing Cupboard Mouse and with none of the writers, directors, and producers of the original aligned with the new project. However, Smiggly Dumps as the writer might make it a sleeper hit in the box office after his contribution with the critically acclaimed film, “Killing My Agent Slowly With a Plastic Knife”. Only time will tell.

[Charlie frowns.]

Charlie: That stunk.

[Robotnik bumps the two away with his butt.]

Robotnik: Wallis! How do I take control of Mobius in a peaceful way?

[Wallis stares blankly for five seconds.]

Wallis: I can’t do this anymore.

[Wallis flings itself out of a window. Robotnik turns red.]

Robotnik: Good riddance, you worthless worm! I knew giving it self awareness was a bad idea.

Charlie: Dude, you can give robots a conscience!

Pim: Poor, Wallis…

Robotnik: He’ll be fine. But I have to get Mobius under my control!

Pim: You don’t have to. Why not just be genuinely nice instead of making them like you?

Charlie: Pim. This guy’s a complete psychopath. He’s not gonna-

Robotnik: You’re right! I can get into my Eggship Carrier and drop gifts and useful junk for the citizens.

Pim: Aw, that’s such a selfless and wonderful idea!

Robotnik: They’ll have to like me if I offer them free stuff!

Pim: Well that was close enough.

[They are in his Eggship Carrier, and Robotnik pulls a lever which drops toys and beef jerky onto a nearby town. People cheer and grab stuff. An opossum Mobian gets an action figure and smiles before getting buried in a falling pile of beef jerky.]

Pim: Wow! Looks like he’s finally giving back to his community. Isn’t this great, Charlie?

Charlie: Yeah. Also a while back, Pim, I saw that big dandruff fly off your head. That was f*****g nasty, dude.

Pim: Oh my god. [Looks down in embarrassment.] I’m sorry you saw that-

Charlie: I’m not saying that to make you feel bad or anything. I’m just concerned because it was like really big. And I think it’s still in his lab so he’s going to find it and-

Pim: Oh god. I feel really bad. My new shampoo isn’t as good as my older brand, but it’s cheaper.

Charlie: Well you can’t cheap out on stuff like that, man.

Pim: Yeah, you’re right. I’ll switch back next time I go grocery shopping-

Charlie: No you gotta switch now.

Pim: Fine. Fine. I’ll drop by Walmart right after this is over.

Robotnik: This is going as planned! I think I am starting to feel-

[A shadow overcasts the ship.]

Robotnik: What the- uh oh.

[The shadow is from Katella’s larger ship. She hacks into his communications and a hologram of her head appears.]

Katella: Robotnik, my love! I have returned to claim you once again.

Robotnik: That won’t be necessary!

Katella: Who are those two?

Robotnik: Um…Scratch and Grounder?

Katella: They look nothing like them! How dare they get in my way of you? They must die!

[Lasers are fired onto the Eggship Carrier.]

Pim: What is she doing? She’s gonna kill us all!

Robotnik: She doesn’t think with facts and logic like me! I’ll uh- I’ll send you back home and deal with her myself.

Pim: But we haven’t made you-

Robotnik: FORGET THE JOB! I have to get you out of here or we’re all gonna DIE!

[The ship zooms away and Katella follows and fires at the carrier more. Back on Earth, Alan and Glep return to a shocking sight. He grabs Scratch and shakes him around.]

Alan: Where the hell is the box?

Scratch: A jello guy took it I swear!

Alan: Why didn’t you stop him?

Grounder: He was…he was scary.

Scratch: I’m sorry! Please don’t send us back to Robotnik! If he knows we’re this useless, we’ll be scrapped!

[Scratch cries a fountain like SpongeBob, hitting Alan. He pushes the fountain of tears back.]

Alan: [Speaking normally.] It’s fine. We’ll just follow this dirty slimy trail he left behind.

Grounder: You mean we’re not useless? We can still save the day!

Scratch and Grounder: YIPPEEE!

Alan: Stop screaming into my ear before you give me a migraine.

[Inside a dirty room, Jellomo puts the box down and sighs.]

Jellomo: Stupid employed assholes. Why can’t they give squatters like me what we want? God I love stealing from corporations. I bet their boss could end world hunger if he killed himself and all of his net worth was given away. 

[Alan kicks open the door.]

Alan: Put down that box if you know what’s good for you.

Jellomo: Or what? Those two pussies are going to beat me up? You guys are pathetic.

Scratch: No! You’re the pathetic one! I bet you can’t knock me out again, pinky!

Jellomo: Oh you’re asking for it now! I am Jellomo, the only slime monster with a fourth degree black belt in jiu jitsu!

Grounder: Prove it!

Jellomo: I will!

[Jellomo moves closer, but a net suddenly snags the monster and he is trapped in it hovering above the ground.]

Alan: What the heck just happened?

Scratch: We set up that trap as soon as we got here.

Alan: That’s actually kinda impressive. Now go get the box.

Scratch: Sure thing! [Does his iconic laugh.] See ya!

[Jellomo melts out of the net, leaving his eyes and dentures inside it. He undos the trap and puts them back inside him. Scratch screams.]

Jellomo: I’m gonna kill you guys now.

[The tip of the Eggship Carrier crashes into the building, splattering Jellomo. Robotnik, Charlie, and Pim eject out.]

Robotnik: What the- WHY ARE YOU NANOBOT NINCOMPOOPS HERE?

Grounder: We’re being useful!

Robotnik: As if!

Scratch: What are you doing here, your Crashlandiness?

[Jellomo reforms and approaches the group, but Katella’s ship crashes right next to Robotnik’s ship, splattering Jellomo again. Katella jumps out.]

Katella: You thought you could escape my grasp, my love?

Robotnik: Away from me, you diabolical dimented demon!

Pim: Excuse me, Katella. I know you are in love with Dr. Robotnik but could you perhaps leave him alone? At least here on Earth, no means no.

[Katella grabs Pim by his shirt and glares into his soul.]

Katella: I’ll enslave you and make you my pathetic jester for life for dare suggesting I leave my true love alone!

Pim: Please don’t!

Katella: I am entitled to anything I want! That man, your servitude, and even that red box in the corner.

[Jellomo reforms and goes up to Katella.]

Jellomo: Excuse me, bitch. That’s mine.

Katella: How dare you insult me, you disgusting freak.

[Jellomo punches Katella in the gut. She holds onto her stomach in an almost realistic fashion, trying to catch her breath. She looks up and slaps Jellomo, making a very loud clap.]

Katella: That felt good slapping you.

Jellomo: That felt good getting slapped. What were you doing again?

Katella: Trying to claim what is mine!

Jellomo: Yeah? Well I was just stealing from these worthless NPC’s.

Katella: You like to steal and make people suffer too? [Her eyes sparkle.] You’re…perfect.

[Katella and Jellomo start making out. Everyone stares blankly.]

Pim: Should we- are we allowed to see this-

Charlie: No.

[Katella stops making out with Jellomo and approaches Robotnik.]

Katella: Sorry, my former love. But you can not match my burning desire for destruction like him.

Jellomo: Yeah, beta male. Get cucked.

Robotnik: Wait. So you lost all attrrraction for me?

Katella: Yup. You repulse me beyond all belief.

Robotnik: So do you! This is…the best day of my life.

[The music builds up and plays the iconic motif when the client smiles as Robotnik does so, with the word “HATE” engraved in his grin.]

Robotnik: Well I’m off to continue my work. Goodbye, Smiling Frriends! You are friends of RRRRobotnik!

[Quickly jumps back into his ship and flies off.]

Scratch: Wait, sir! What about-

Grounder: Oh…

Pim: That’s okay, guys. I’m sure he will come back for you. Until then, you can stay at our office!

Alan: Oh god no.

[Cuts to everyone at the break room. Glep is on his beanbag watching footage of a Brazilian prison.]

Charlie: I gotta hand it to you, Pim. You’re a really good matchmaker. First you hooked Jennifer up with her ideal shrimp, and now you got those two freaks together.

Pim: That wasn’t really my intention, but I’m glad things worked out in the end.

Scratch: And we all lived happily ever after!

[Mr. Boss enters the room smiling.]

Boss: Aw, I do love a happy ending for all of my boys!

Charlie: Um, Mr. Boss? Who are those two? I mean I know they were with Dr. Robotnik, but are they like his kids or weird servants or something?

Boss: Oh yeah. They were temps while you were gone. I don’t need them anymore.

[Speed dials a ufo to abduct them as they scream for a second and are taken away.]

Pim: Why did you get rid of them? I’m sure they would have made great additions to the team.

Alan: Hard disagree, Pim.

Boss: Besides…Nobody can replace my boys!

Charlie: And nobody can replace you, Mr. Boss! [Genuinely smiles.]

Boss: You boys can have the rest of the day off. I’m off to see the Mouse in the Cupboard remake!

[Flies out with his rocket boots.]

Charlie: Dude. The boss is so freaking funny! He should have been in the remake! Wouldn’t it be funny hearing his voice come out of that mouse?

Alan: It would actually.

Pim: I would go see it!

[Jellomo and Katella break in and punch Pim in the face and steal the television and Glep’s iPad and run off.]

Charlie: Yeah they are perfect for each other.

Created by

Zach Hadel & Michael Cusack

Executive Producers

Me

Written and Directed

Me

Producer

Me

Producer Manager

Me

Storyboard

Me

Starring

Michael Cusack

Zach Hadel

Marc M.

Me

Jim Cummings

Erica Lindbeck

Chris O’Neil

Barack Obama

Music 

Brendan Caulfield

Titles & Credits composed by

Chris O’Neil

Dialogue Editor

Me

Toilet Operator

Me

Stealing

Me

Animators

Nobody lol

VFX Artists

Disney

In Loving Memory

Wallis 

2024 - 2024

[Robotnik is in his lab cooking.]

Robotnik: Next, I shall feed the homeless in Baldry Town. Boy am I glad to have turned a new leaf.

[Scratch and Grounder drop down and land in his soup. Robotnik turns red as steam blows out of his ears.]

Robotnik: SCRRATCH! GRROUNDER! Forget about the hungry. I will create a machine to torture you and anyone stupid enough to aggravate me any further!

Sonic: Hey, guy-