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Staying away from Chuuya has been the hardest thing Dazai has gone through.
After successfully defecting from the mafia, staying away from his (Now ex, though that makes Dazai want to throw up) partner turned out to be the hardest challenge.
He wants to see him, more than anything, but Chuuya most likely hates him now and putting him in danger is the last thing Dazai wants to do.
But god, it hurts. He’s never been away from Chuuya this long, and as pathetic as it sounds, Dazai dosent know if he can handle it.
He knows where Chuuya lives, it’d be easy to peer through his window, catch just even a glimpse of him.
At this time he’d probably be curled up on the couch, in that same red blanket he loved so much watching a soap opera Dazai always complained about.
What he wouldn’t give to watch it with him one last time.
He wouldn’t make a snarky remark about the show, instead he’d watch Chuuya. The way his brow furrowed when he was mad, the sound of his laughter, the warmth of his body.
The thought makes his chest ache.
He never got to do any of that. He had thought that they had more time, a lifetime together.
What he wouldn’t do for one more week.
He’d ask Chuuya to go to the arcade with him, maybe he’d even let him win, just to see that triumphant grin on his face, and the lingering happiness that would follow him the rest of the day.
Maybe after they’d walk along the water, the sky dark and the sound of waves hitting the rocks. He’d watch Chuuya walk along the edge, the dim lamps illuminating him and he wouldn’t have a care in the world, not when he was with Chuuya.
They’d go back to Chuuyas apartment. Maybe Dazai wouldn’t be a coward this time, ask Chuuya to sleep with him, so he could feel the warmth first hand.
He wants to see Chuuya in the dead of night, sleeping peacefully in their bed. He wants to hold him gently, like nobody’s done before.
But Dazai doesn’t know how to be gentle. He didn’t do any of this. He won’t get to do any of this.
He turns to his side and stares at the wall, the cold hurts a little worse.