Work Text:
His hands are shaking.
Why did he think that was a good idea? What the fuck did he think was going to happen, he was going to pour his heart out and Keller would apologise and he'd magically be healed and be a-fucking-okay?
Idiot. Asshole.
He's never wanted a smoke more in his life, slumped against the wall in the navy blue corridor.
The sound of footsteps has him scrubbing a hand across his face, clearing his throat, muscles tensing - but it's only Adam Shapiro and some of the tension leaks out of him.
Nothing Adam can say can be as bad as what just happened.
"Carmy!" Adam's all warm smiles, clapping him on the shoulder. "How are you man? Enjoying the food?"
"Yeah, yeah uh it's excellent, wouldn't expect anything else. But uh how are you - how are you guys holding up?"
Adam gives him one of those half-smiles people have been flashing all night. Slight head tilt, one corner of the mouth tugging up. Bittersweet.
"We'll be okay. It's the end of an era you know, and that's always sad. But we're all thankful for everything we built at Ever and excited for everything we're going to go on to build now. New opportunities..."
Adam shoots him a look.
Carmy feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.
"Actually, that's actually what I was looking for - that's what I wanted to talk to you about actually. You know? New opportunities. Have you, uh talked to Sydney recently?"
A pause. The sickening feeling that he's missing something big, disorientated and scrambling to catch up. "Um yeah, she - we're partners. We run a restaurant together, we talk every day."
The last bit comes out in a strangled chuckle and Adam laughs too, his hand going to the back of his neck. "Yeah, yeah of course!"
"Adam?"
"Yeah?"
"...What does me talking to Sydney have to do with new opportunities?"
He's definitely not paranoid or imagining it now - Adam is uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because of something to do with Sydney and opportunities.
Somewhere in the kitchen, Carmy can hear the sound of a kettle beginning to boil.
"No I just - honestly forget I said anything Carmen, it's nothing. Just...tell Sydney I said hi. I had better get back in there but uh...great to see you, as always, and I'll talk to you later...yeah."
Adam's backing away, hands raised in surrender. Then he disappears round the corner and Carmy's alone again. He rolls his neck, palms sweaty.
Fuck.
He finds Sydney by following the sound of her laughter. She's in the kitchen with Luca, holding a glass of wine, head tipped back, eyes closed giggling at something Luca has said. Luca has a hazy smile on his face, watching her. Carmy knows that expression, has seen it on Luca's face when he looks at a perfectly plated panna cotta. When he see's something he wants.
Carmy feels something twist in his gut, a flash of anger racing up his spine.
"Syd, can I speak to you for a sec? Alone?"
Sydney goes quiet when she sees him, instantly aware that something is off. Luca shuffles to his feet, draining his wine glass and leaving them to it. He touches Carmy's arm as he passes and Carmy has to physically stop himself from flinching.
Then the door swings shut behind him, and the two of them are alone in the kitchen. Familiar, yet different. The fluorescents are brighter here than in The Bear and they don't flicker. They use a different cleaner too, citrusy and sharp. All these little details set his teeth more on edge.
Sydney sets her glass down, brown eyes wary on him. "Carm? Everything okay?"
"Do you have something you need to tell me?"
She blinks. Bites on one corner of her lip. Blinks again. "You spoke to Adam."
He sighs, raking a hand through his hair and leaning on the countertop between them. Sydney speaks again.
"Are you good? Like did something happen, because you-"
"Sydney, it's been a long fucking night. Will you just spit it out?"
She draws back at that, eyes flashing. "Fine. Adam is setting up his own restaurant after Ever closes. He asked me to be CDC."
He knew it was coming, but hearing her say the words out loud is 1000 times fucking worse than anything he could imagine. He feels panic choking him. His mind flashes back to before, the first time she left him because he was a dick. And then she came back, but he fucked up again and left her alone. All he does is fuck things up with her, with everyone, because there's something wrong with him, because something in him was broken in order to become great, to become an excellent chef, and now he doesn't know if it can ever be fixed-
His hands curl into fists. "So what? You're just going to leave?"
Sydney looks at him like he's crazy. "Wha- no I-"
"You're just done, you're just going to fuck me?"
"No, Carmen, I wanted to talk to you about it the other night."
"But you didn't!" He's shouting now but he can't stop himself. "You've known about this for weeks probably and you haven't said anything! You kept it from me, lied to me. You're obviously considering the offer, so did you just like never give a shit about The Bear or any of us or-"
"Fuck you." Sydney spits at him. "I gave everything to you, to The Bear. You said it was going to be a partnership, that we were going to do it together but you've been controlling it all, you shit on all my ideas, and you're ruining everything! It's too much too fast with the constant menu changes and yelling every night and you're pissing Richie off because you two can't communicate! I wanted it to work so so bad, but you're giving me no choice!"
Carmy feels his anger spark, rising to match hers. All his insecurities, everything he wanted to say to Keller is about to come pouring out of him.
"Oh yeah, it's all my fault. What about the partnership agreement Syd? You never signed it, you never committed because you don't trust me, you always had one foot out the door!"
"I don't trust you!?" Sydney's half crying now, her face screwed up and red. "You don't trust ANYONE! It has to be all you, all your way all the time and fuck anyone who doesn't just conform to the Carmen Berzatto bullshit. Adam thinks my scallop dish is great. He see's me, he see's what I can do and he offered to give me total control of the menu, freedom to experiment and try new things."
"I don't give a fuck about what Adam said," Carmen snarls, "Who does he think he is, trying to poach my CDC."
"I'm not your CDC! You don't own me!"
Silence stretches between them, both breathing hard. Carmy just stares at her, tears tracking down her face. He feels numb, like he maxed out on raw emotion tonight and can't take any more, can't feel anymore. He nods, short staccato movements.
"You're right. I don't own you. If you want to go, go." his voice is flat, hoarse.
Sydney's lip quivers, her eyes molten and pleading. He almost breaks, almost takes her in his arms and begs forgiveness. Then she swipes at her cheeks, rolling her shoulders and drawing herself up. Her expression hardens and she looks him dead in the eyes.
"Bye Carm."
As soon as the door swings shut behind her, he lights a cigarette.
Fuck.