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Sirius loves his fans, don't get him wrong. If he had the choice to stand in a room with his best friend or his fans for an hour… well, maybe that’s not the best scenario (you never know what type of people watch your streams), but you get his drift. Anyways— He loves them. But… sometimes he loves them too much. He likes to think that it’s a good thing. It makes them happy and it makes him happy… most of the time. Not this time. Definitely not this time.
Everything (and he means everything) is different when Remus Lupin is a co-host on his stream. This is his one chance to prove that he's better than Remus; and yet, he's sitting there, crisscross apple sauce in a chair, eating Maruchan ramen noodles and sipping on a glass of milk. There’s no way he’s proving anything today, he should just give u—
“Is that… milk??” Remus asks, getting closer to the screen and squinting. As if Sirius’ 4K quality wasn’t enough for him.
“And if it is??? And if it is, then what???” Sirius presses.
kittynoir69 - RAMEN AND MILK COMBO IS DIABOLICAL 😭😭
im.being.s1r1us - my favorite combo too they could never make me hate you sirius black (im never eating that disgusting shit)
“There’s absolutely no way you’re drinking raw milk,” Remus gags.
Sirius would laugh. He would if it weren’t Remus making that joke. “Raw?!?? Raw????? What do you want me to do? Fry it up? You know what, I have something else I can give you raw—”
spiderfike - I BEG YOUR PARDON MR BLACK
eatingmyyoung - HELLO???????????????
melmartinezz - sir youre trans idk what you think youre gonna give him raw
Remus is just sitting there wide eyed before he relaxes his face again. Oh no. “What if I liked taking it raw, huh??” He says blankly.
Sirius is not like Remus at all. He looks blatantly horrified. “Okay there, buddy. Let’s just hold our horses for a minute. I think it’s time to zip it, lock it, and put it in your pocket.”
“What are you, six?”
“You stream Minecraft. For all I know, you could be into that shit.”
“Woah there, man, I don’t kin Drake.”
Sirius scoffs. “‘Man’. Chat, he really thinks that he’s the six foot nonchalant dread head.”
kurtisesconner - awe shake ur dreads remy
gabibelleabnb - his long locs!
kobzscoots - Its the way hes only streamed minecraft once
Remus laughs a little (and it sounds disgusting, might Sirius add), “There’s absolutely no possible way that the drama queen that everyone’s been warning me about is subjecting himself to TikTok brainrot terms.”
Ew. Ew. Ew.
Sirius gags, “Oh, please, out the corny shit.”
“As in???”
“‘The drama queen everyone’s been warning me about’— Someone should’ve warned your discord kittens about you.”
Remus rolls his eyes again. “That’s just how I talk. I think this counts as cyberbullying.”
Again, Sirius would laugh. He would, he really would. But it’s Remus! Who does this guy even think he is— It’s infuriating that he thinks that this is fun.
“Someone please report me and get me banned so I have an excuse to never do this again. Please,” Sirius pleads, going in for another sip of his milk.
Remus Lupin hates his best friend sometimes. James Potter can be a nuisance a lot of the time and now is one of those times. And God bless James for deciding that Walmart should be their hangout spot, because that gives Remus a perfect opportunity to hit him with a buggee—
“WHAT THE HELL??” James shouts, immediately dropping whatever Spiderman toy he was holding in his hand.
“Not my fault you gave me terrible advice,” Remus shrugs, withdrawing the cart.
James pops a squat and comes back up with his toy that he hastily throws right at Remus’ face flawlessly. Remus might have the buggee, but James was always the athletic one. “What terrible advice?! I give great advice.”
“Yeah, okay. You can go ahead and think that while I realise why it took you seven years to pull Lily.”
James pauses for a hot second. “You actually tried using my flirting advice??” He laughs.
Why is he laughing? This is a very serious matter.
“Yes?! And it failed— Stop laughing at me and listen!”
James might be dying. It was never that funny— Is he clutching his chest?! Oh, come on! Remus bumps into him with the buggee again.
“Ow!” James takes a breath. “Okay— So— How’d it go?”
This is quite embarrassing. “He called me corny and told me to ‘zip it, lock it, and put it in my pocket.’ So, I would say that it went… horrendously,” Remus sighs.
James holds back another laugh. “… You do know that Sirius is not Lily, right?”
“Yeah, no, duh.”
“Then why did you use my long-term-Lily-advice-plan instead of a short-term-get-the-guy-plan??”
What?? “Short-term-get— You don’t think Sirius and I could be long term??”
“Well—”
“James?!”
James gets in the buggee and sticks his fingers into the holes. “I never said that! I just meant that your short-term method worked in high school all the time! And now you’re… reasonably wealthy and… internet famous, so who’s to say that it won’t work even better now??”
Remus groans, “But I don’t plan on just sleeping with him and then dating him for a week or so. He doesn’t deserve that.”
“You spoke to him one time and he basically told you to kill yourself, you don’t know what he deserves…” James deadpans.
“Lily had her name called at an award ceremony and you swooned and told me you were in love.”
“That’s different. I didn’t have to request to be a co-host on her stream to see her.”
“And if I ran into a wall with this buggee, I would be in the wrong.”
“Exactly!”
“Fucking kill yourself.”
James sighs. “Maybe we can fix this. Just… talk to him and tell him what happened,” He shrugs.
“You mean, openly admit to the fact that I want to snog him? No chance.”
“Okay, one, stop pretending to be British. And do you have a better idea??”
Remus looks down. He can think of something, right? He’s smart. Smarter than most, at least. Of course he can come up with something.
James makes a small noise. “Give me your phone,” He says.
“Okay, no,” Remus scoffs.
“Just give me your phone, you know I won’t do anything bad!”
“Crazy, because that’s exactly what I’m worried about.”
James snatches Remus’ phone from the child seat of the buggy and flawlessly punches in the password. When James hands the phone back to Remus, they’ve already had a full conversation.
You - (15:43): wanna do another stream together? i mean, i think everyone enjoyed it after you were done telling me to end my life. maybe we could do like a 24 hour thing? ofc, we would have to plan it out for a while, but i think everyone would enjoy it.
siri - (15:45): whatever as long as you don’t try to molest me through the screen again
You - (15:45): puh-lease, its called being nice
siri - (15:46): you told me that you like taking it raw
You - (15:46): settle down, snowflake… it’s called dark humour 😈
siri - (15:47): WGAT YHE FUCK
James scoffs. “I don’t think that telling him that you take it in the ass was part of my advice.”
Technically, it was part of the ‘be funny’ portion, but Remus doesn’t think he has enough strength in his bones to actually say that. He actually can’t even process what’s on his screen right now. He gets another chance.
“You’re welcome,” James grins.
When Remus wakes up the next morning, he doesn’t hesitate five seconds to text Sirius. Everything will be different, right? Now that Remus knows that he, in fact, should not listen to James’ advice. He just needs to be himself. He’s got this.
You - (09:32): okay, so if we’re going to have a 24 hour stream, it has to be a day that we’re both available
What Remus did not expect was for Sirius to text him back almost 5 and a half hours later. With the driest reply ever, at that.
siri - (14:56): okay 👍
Okay? Okay? Does Sirius actually hate him? Does he want him to die?
You - (14:56): soooo, when would that be?
siri - (14:57): whenever
You - (14:57): yeah because thats so helpful.
siri - (14:57): idk what you want me to say im a twitch streamer im free literally any time 🤷♂️
You - (14:57): okay, so how does march sound?
siri - (14:58): 🧍♂️
siri - (14:58): why woulf it take us 3 months to plan a stream
You - (14:58): because i dont want to have to talk to you every single day to get this done.
But he does. He really does.
siri - (14:59): idkwym im literally so awesome sauce 😢
siri - (14:59): if anything i should be scared of the freak who doesnt get enough calcium
You - (14:59): are you really calling me a freak for not drinking milk straight from the udder wth man j think you should work on that
siri - (15:00): what YOU should work on is talking about your special interest in the middle of streams when its unrelated like we dont already know that youre neurodivergent
… he watches Remus’ streams?
You - (15:00): you watch my streams???
siri - (15:00): how else would i keep up with the competition…
You - (15:01): “competition” are you scared of me taking ur #1 spot
siri - (15:01): im not “scared” of anything, i just have bills to pay
You - (15:01): so youre scared of not being able to pay your bills
siri - (15:01): shut the hell up, youre getting off topic
siri - (15:01): my brothers birthday is march 13th, so he’ll be here for that week, but he can always just be on there with us
You - (15:02): if you do that, you have a better chance at staying up. i’ll bring my friend so it’ll feel more balanced. what day?
siri - (15:04): the 16th
You - (15:04): okay perfect. bye bye eat something and go to bed on time dont die please i beg
siri - (15:04): ew are you fucking gay
You - (15:05): maybe
siri - (15:05): get that fixed you fucking freak
A whole month passes before they talk to each other again. Sirius can’t say that he hasn’t thought about texting him since then, but texting someone first is so not a power move. Especially not when you were the last person to add to the last conversation.
Buttt… the problem is… Sirius wants to get closer to Remus. A lot closer (in the least Joe Goldberg way possible). Sure, he was hard on him last month, but that was last month and Remus was the asshat who decided to hate on his milk and ramen. But, as he said, that was a month ago. He is a changed man (he started taking his antidepressants again) (all jokes!) (or not) (he’ll never tell).
He cannot get his mind straight, good god.
THE PROBLEM IS… he wants to get closer to Remus and that starts with replying to the text that he sent literally five seconds ago… but he’s dying his hair and it’s really hard to type with gloves and hair dye on his hands. That means…
“Hey, Siri. Send a message to ‘Lupin’.”
“What would you like the message to say?”
“Can’t type, facetime me.”
Oh god. Not even three seconds later, Gimme More by Britney Spears is blasting from his speakers and Siri is interrupting the absolutely beautiful harmony.
“FaceTime call from Lupin. Answer it?”
“Yes.”
And it takes for-fucking-ever, but it finally connects.
“Is that… pink hair dye?” Remus asks. How does he have so much money… but it still sounds like he’s calling from a Nokia?
Sirius glares at Remus’… forehead. “Is that… a shitty mic?” He shoots back. He thinks his brother would be proud of that one.
“Okay, whatever, I’m so sorry that I didn’t spend my money on the newest phone as soon as it came out. I love my iPhone 8, nothing can stop me.”
Sirius grimaces. “8?! Haven’t there been nearly twenty new models since that came out??”
Remus rolls his eyes. “I don’t know and I don’t really give a shit— Why are you dying your hair pink? And since when was your hair platinum blonde??”
This guys needs to catch up. “Just… why did you text me?” Sirius says, applying the last of the dye to his ends.
“Oh, right. I just wanted to know exactly how we’re gonna stay up for twenty-four hours. Well— I don’t really care, but my best friend wants to know since he’ll be there, I guess.”
Sirius shrugs. “Dunno. I guess just games and talking with the chat.”
Remus groans (ungrateful whore), “That’s what we did last stream, I don’t think anyone’s gonna wanna stay for a whole twenty-four hours listening to us yap.”
“Okay??? Do you have a better plan?”
“Wellll…” Remus shifts on his bed, “I don’t. But James does.”
“…I’m guessing James is your friend.”
“Yes. And he has a plan… what if we played truth or dare for a segment of the live.”
“You do know that you could’ve had us play truth or dare without contacting me about it…? Like, you could’ve just said it on the live. This conversation is entirely pointless.”
Remus scoffs. “It’s not, you’re just fucking rude.”
“And you’re fucking ugly.” Okay… maybe a month wasn’t that long ago.
“You’re dying your hair pink, I don’t think you’re in a position to talk.”
Sirius gasps. This little fucker. “Excuse me???”
Remus laughs a little bit, readjusting in his bed so Sirius can see him holding his hand up. “Sorry, sorry, your hair looks absolutely beautiful, love.”
“Love? Laying it on a little thick, Remus,” Sirius darts back.
“Sorry, sorry.”
Sirius rolls his eyes. “Was that all?” He asks. Part of him wants Remus to say no—
“Mmm.. yeah. That was it.”
Oh, okay.
“Bye, bye, then.”
And then Remus hangs up. It’s whatever, it’s not like Sirius will never see him again. It’s not like he likes him, either. It’s just a crush, he can admit to that much, but he doesn’t actually necessarily want to go anywhere with it. It’s more so just liking the idea of him. Is it so wrong? Sure, he’s competing against Remus. Remus is his competition, and liking him might just make the difference between their views smaller, and smaller, and smaller— Why is he thinking this hard? It’s just a crush.
Peter frowns right in Sirius’ face when he tries to tell him that, though. “Oh, honey…” Peter says, “And, I’m gonna touch your hand when I say this—” He continues, reaching out his hand to sit on top of Sirius’.
Sirius slaps his hand away. “Fucking queerbo— I don’t like him! Like I said, it’s just a crush. It’ll go away in a week,” He shrugs, picking up his cup of coffee and bringing it to his lips.
“And if it doesn’t?” Peter asks.
Sirius puts the cup down. “But it will, you just can’t see it because you’ve been spending too much time with my brother.”
Peter sighs, pulling his ankles into his chair to sit criss crossed. “Okay— Let’s just sort one thing out. A crush is me thinking that Mary Macdonald, the barista that’s here every Friday, is hot. That’s a crush. Do I plan on talking to her? No. But I would 100% say yes if she asked me to go out with her. That’s a crush. A crush is not sitting at this table and yapping about whoever nonstop to your best friend for an hour.”
No, no, no, no, no— “It hasn’t actually been an hour, you’re exaggerating! And it’s just a crush. Just—”
Peter lazily runs his finger around the rim of his mug. “Okay,” He interrupts, “Let’s say it is ‘just a crush’, how do you plan on winning him over? Say all you want about not pursuing and whatever, but I know you and I know that you just have to be liked by everyone.”
Oh. Sirius didn’t think this far into it. To be fair, he’s never had to try too hard to get people in… He’s just has to fight a little bit to get them to stay. Not that he’s weird or anything like that! It’s compli—
“You’re acting like Regulus again, aren’t you?” Peter groans.
That’s the problem. “I can’t help it. People like him more than they like me—”
“Nope. Shut up. You’re not going to talk to Remus unless you can be yourself, and that’s something I’m not letting you decide on. If you want this guy to ‘have a crush’ on you and what-not, it has to be you, not your fucking twink of a brother.”
Oh. Oh, okay. There’s only really one problem with that… Remus is going to be mega confused when Sirius just randomly switches up on him, sooo…
Peter taps the table, “Oh my god, you’re thinking too hard. Just tell him you were just pissed or something.”
Oh, yeah, maybe that could work. Wait a minute, is Peter a mind reader? Is Sirius’ best friend psychic?
“And make sure you send me my five dollars for that cookie,” Peter says, rolling his eyes and leaving the table.
Nah. If Peter was psychic, he would know that that’s absolutely not happening.
It doesn’t take long for March to come. Now that the day is here, every other part of the process feels like a blur.
The rest of January was just planning. Strictly planning; Going through ideas ranging from a Geometry Dash tournament to seeing who gets creeped out first while reading out a fucked up paranormal story. Not a word about Sirius’ shiny new personality or anything, just little smiles when Sirius did something slightly different than he did before and more questionable comments. It was pretty quiet for the most part.
February was probably a month he’ll cherish though, even if something happens between them to upset him. They had finished up planning on the sixth of the month, but they never stopped facetiming. It was just normal to them at that point. When one of them was bored, they would just pick up the phone and call the other. They spent Valentine’s together (as friends), staying up all night talking about the meaning behind Hereditary and other “boring” movies. They spent the leap day celebrating Sirius’ actual birthday (“If your birthday is today, why do you tell everyone it’s November 3rd?”, “Because being born in November is possibly the hottest thing a human can do, obviously”), and they spent the leap night planning what they’re going to do when they can afford to meet up and they announced the stream together, which was pretty fun.
All and all, things have been… okay? He thinks? Remus seems happy, he’s pretty happy, everyone’s happy. Regulus is happy because Sirius is happy and Peter is just happy that Sirius is being himself. So, everyone’s happy. This is an accomplishment in his life, everyone’s usually pissed off at him. Either way, everything has to at least look fine today. Stream day. He had to basically tie Regulus into bed last night to get him to sleep, and finally the day has come. The day where all of his very hard work will pay off.
He looks to Regulus, and after seeing his small thumbs up, he accepts Remus’ co-host request.
“Hey, Siri!” A guy with dreadlocks and glasses waves at him through the camera. What was his name again? Joe (Goldberg)? Jeffrey? Something like that, whatever. “Did my flirting advice work on you?? Are you feeling romantic… ed?”
Regulus just glares at Sirius. “I thought you said this was going to be cool. I could’ve just spent the night with Dorcas and Severine,” He says flatly.
Sirius flicks his arm (“Owie?”), and smiles a little. “That is so not the positive energy we talked about— And, yes, I’m feeling so romantic-ed. 100% romantical right now.”
Remus laughs, it’s… something. Sirius can’t exactly pin point it, but it’s something. Something good.
James grins. He’s look some kind of dog… Oh, wait, no that’s not nice… but surely Regulus was thinking the same thing. Oh, wait, that’s exactly why it’s not nice.
“Cool— Uhm— truth or dare anyone?” Remus smiles. He’s something good.
Are you ready? Are you sure you’re ready, because Remus doesn’t even know if he’s ready. In fact, Remus doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. When he got the plane ticket, it was a joke with James. He wasn’t actually planning on going anywhere. He figured he could treat Lily to a little witchy vacation in Salem since she’s into things like that, but he’s here. In the airport. He’s actually going to see Sirius. Like, actually. He doesn’t even know where he lives and he’s boarding a flight in an hour.
You - (11:03): whats your address?
siri ⭐️ - (11:04): ???
siri ⭐️ - (11:04): dont you wanna take me on a date first??
You - (11:05): well dont freak out but im at the airport taking a flight to salem that i got like a ling time ago as a joke but also not really a joke because obviously im here now and yeah
siri ⭐️ - (11:05): HELLO?????
siri ⭐️ - (11:05): “dont freak out” INHAVE DIRTY LAUNDRY EVERY MY DISHES ARE NOT CLEAN I NEED TO CLEAN MY ROOM AND YOURE BOARDING A FUCKING PLANE TO COME HERE AND YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABKUT IT???
You - (11:06): OH MY FUCKING GOD I WILL CLEAN YOUR DISHES IF I HAVE TO J JUST NEED TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE A GUEST ROOM AND YOUR ADDRESS
siri ⭐️ - (11:06): CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS FIRST???
You - (11:06): PREFERABLY NOT??????????
siri ⭐️ - (11:07): OMFG FINR
Then his address goes through. This is happening. This is actually happening. He’s going to be staying with Sirius for two weeks. This is an actual thing. Should he tell his mom?
Sirius Black is going to SCREAM. He wants to SHOUT. Remus has seen him on a screen. That’s the only way he was ever meant to see him. Sure, they talked about it, but that was just pretend. Sirius hasn’t even has top surgery yet, and there’s a man coming into his home. It’s not like he minds— Well, yeah, he does mind a little bit— But he isn’t annoyed! It’s just unexpected! He could’ve told Sirius about it last night, at least! Sirius might pass out, he did not plan for this. Peter’s coming over tomorrow! His house isn’t filthy, but it isn’t exactly in visitor condition!
Okay, he needs to calm down. Remus doesn’t judge unless it’s mandatory. He’ll be fine… unless Remus finds Sirius’ living conditions worthy of harsh judgement— God, he’s over reacting again. He just needs to clean up a bit— Oh, fuck it.
He picks up his phone and facetimes Remus.
Remus picks up. The airport behind him is going to make Sirius sick. There was still one part of him that thought Remus was joking, he thinks.
Remus flashes a grin. “Soooo… Here I come!”
Sirius is going to pass out. It takes him a minute but he finally pushes something out. “You’re washing my fucking dishes,” He breathes out.
It takes three hours to fly from Phoenix to Salem, and it’s already been two hours. Sirius doesn’t think he’s scared anymore. He did his laundry, took a shower, and there are drumsticks thawing out in the sink. He doesn’t exactly like cooking, but his mother didn’t force him to cook with her for nothing, right?
He hasn’t even told Remus that he likes him yet, and now he’s about to be sleeping in the room next to his. How is he supposed to function? What if Remus smells bad? What if he’s uglier in person? What if this distracts Sirius from streaming and he ends up losing his number one spot to Remus? What if that was Remus’ intention???
Oh, god, Sirius needs to shut the fuck up.
Okay. There’s nothing else he possibly needs to do, right? Right? Right? RIGHT???????????
Remus is going to crash out. It’s not even a different time zone, but when he picks up his knee to knock on Sirius’ door, he swears he’s going to pass out. Why did he buy all of this fucking Taco Bell??? Sirius opens it immediately and frowns.
Remus was never vain enough to think that he was the most attractive, but, damn, is he that ugly?
Sirius looks livid. “You got food.”
“… food I got…” He knew he should’ve asked him about his order first.
“I was going to cook,” Sirius groans.
“Why would you do that? You don’t like cooking—” Who the fuck is texting him? They can wait, good God. Where is the decency? Where are the manners? Non-existence, apparently, because they won’t stop texting.
“Uhm,” Sirius stares at him blankly. “I think your phone is going off.”
“…I know.”
“Are you gonna pick it up, or…?”
“Right—” Remus sits the bag of food on the floor and pulls his phone from his front pocket.
Sirius rolls his eyes. “How are you fucking lagging IRL?”
Remus swears that the last time he typed in his password, it was faster than this. “Yeah— Uh— I guess you could say… l’avion est fatigué,” Remus smiles. If James would just stop texting-!
hot sexy babe - (16:01): have you asked the question yet??? lily’s invested
hot sexy babe - (16:01): ALSO GET ME THAT FINE ASS BROTHERS NUMBER 😍😍 -Lily
hot sexy babe - (16:01): should i be offended that everytime she talks to me she brings up regulus like damn bitch i already said yes to a poly relationship if he wants it BUT CAN YOU PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR HUSBAND OF 5 YEARS NOW????
hot sexy babe - (16:02): I’m divorcing him -Lily
hot sexy babe - (16:02): AND ASK HIM IF HE LIKES YOU -Lily
“…Why is the plane tired?? And what’s wrong?” Sirius question. If James could just shut the fuck up, that would be great.
You - (16:02): im not doing that????
hot sexy babe - (16:02): so you flew all the way to Salem for no reason…? 😂🤣 fucking loser
Okay, so, maybe he has a point. Remus has never had to do this. People usually ask him out.
You - (16:03): …what do i say?
hot sexy babe - (16:03): “hey! i think ur really cool! i like u alot! maybe we could hang out… or something 🥺🥺👉🏾👈🏾”
You - (16:03): i wont be surprised when lily finally divorces you i hate you so much i actually hope that you die im not getting regulus’ number for you like i actually hope that you accidentally brush your teeth with liquid soap
hot sexy babe - (16:04): thats why ur man is texting me
hot sexy babe - (16:04): [Screenshot]
hot sexy babe - (16:04): LOL HE THINKS THAT YOURE HANDLING DRUG BUSINESS
You - (16:05): IF YOU WOULD STOP FUCKING SPAMMING ME I WOULD BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY RESPOND
Remus turns off his ringer and shoves his phone into his pocket. Surely, Sirius is standing right in front of him smiling at his phone.
He clears his throat. “So—” Remus finally gets out.
Sirius puts his phone down and crosses his arms. Has he always looked so mean? Now he sees where Regulus gets his mean mug from.
“I- Uhm…” Don’t think about it, just say it. “Erm, this is kind of weirddd and really oddly timed, but I just wanted to kind of get it out of the way because, you know… I flew all the way out to Salem, Oregon, and I’m kind of stuck here for, like… weeks. Uhm, so, I really like you, and I just really kinda wanted you to know that. It’s okay if you don’t like me because, trust me, I get it! But I just wanted you to know, y’know? Like, honestly, I might be in love with you, but if that’s not your style, that’s cool!” And, smile!
What the fuck was that… Did someone just possess him… Was it the house… What type of rizz was that… It’s giving rizztraining order… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM??? HE HAS TO BE TWEAKING, WHAT IS HAPPENING???
Sirius is kind of just standing there. His expression looks just kind of blank. He’s just… kind of. Then it happens. Just kind of… like that. It’s hard to think, but Sirius is kissing him. Kissing him.
And,
Oh,
This is nice.