Work Text:
the garden was full of children, running around, enjoying the breeze and momentary freedom after their meal. the grass was green, the sky a soft blue. it was an almost eerily perfect picture, an illusion that blinded them from chasing after anything outside the walls that surrounded them. it was home and yet, there was a constant longing for escape. after all, a cage made of gold and jewels was still a cage.
ivan stood alone, eyes scanning along the large field in silence, face void of any expression. figures ran past him like a blur but he took no notice. they were nothing more than a breeze passing by or a mere pest to swat away. they held little importance to him and he certainly didn’t spare an extra thought for them. it wasn’t until he caught sight of a head of gray hair that his eyes finally lit up, the corner of his lip tugging up into a small smile as he hurried over.
till was sitting under a large tree with his guitar in hand, basking in the shade as music sheets surrounded him, pen trapped between his teeth like a dog might hold onto a bone. it was an unsettling familiarity - one that mimicked the feeling of his collar clamped over his mouth like a gag. his hand moved to strum a chord, the noise loud and jarring in hopes of shutting out the things he wished to forget. the blue and purple taints on his skin served as memory enough and he didn’t want his mind to fall victim to corruption as well.
humming to himself, struggling to find a decent melody as both his frustration and annoyance shone on his face, he managed to piece together a few seconds of song and quickly leaned over to jot it down.
he was so immersed in the process that he hardly noticed ivan now standing behind him, the boy’s eyes locked onto the sight of a new bruise that was just barely covered by the collar of till’s shirt.
it baffled ivan, how till could still look so beautiful with his body painted in such horrific ways, how he always looked like a canvas of art despite the means it took. it also annoyed ivan, how till’s fair skin was made up of remnants of another, how the memories of someone else’s touch would remain etched onto him for far longer than ivan would ever be allowed to linger.
he reached out in a dull silence and pressed down onto the bruise with his finger.
“ow-! who the fuck-?!” till yelped out, a hand immediately reaching back to cover the sore spot as he whirled around in rage, glaring up at the perpetrator with the usual fire burning bright in his eyes. “ivan, what the hell?”
there wasn’t much of a response from the black haired boy, till left to simply huff in annoyance before turning his attention back to the more pressing matter at hand. he resumed plucking a few strings, repeating them in hopes that inspiration would decide to pay him another visit, oblivious to the fact that ivan was still just standing behind him.
if you were to ask till what the relationship between him and ivan was, he wasn’t too sure if he’d have a proper answer. they were … friends? though, there were times where ivan tended to be quite odd and till couldn’t understand him in the slightest. they were still more than acquaintances. at the very least, they spent most of their time together, ivan usually appearing wherever till was and till simply accepting it without much question. he had never been one to have that many friends - whether others were put off by his rebellious tendencies or because of his slightly awkward nature in social settings, he wasn’t quite sure. regardless, ivan was always there. sometimes they would laugh together and other times, they would be caught in a scuffle, fighting to land a winning punch on the other. either way, in the good memories and in the bad, ivan would exist.
“can i join?” ivan’s voice was almost carried off by the breeze, losing to the sound of till’s guitar until till caught it just before it faded away.
“sure. as long as you stay quiet. and don’t touch me, idiot!” it hurts, he wanted to grumble out but decided against it. no one needed to know how the marks affected him.
till reached out to move some of the papers, ivan watching as till allowed him to step into his space, an act that till might think nothing of but had ivan’s heart skipping a beat. it was all he asked, to be allowed to be near till, to linger a little longer than most, to be a constant figure in his memories, to exist by his side. perhaps, in the future, ivan would start wanting more. it was quite possible and it frightened him a bit, wondering how much more he could desire another without fully consuming till, without swallowing him whole. his affections for the other grew with every passing day and they would surely get bigger with time. if he were to touch till, would ivan be capable of letting go? could he hold him and still suppress the desire to simply devour him, to have every part of till for himself? sure, he was able to watch from a distance, to hover and suppress, but would he be able to do so for the rest of his life? even now, his fingers itched to reach out for till, to simply graze against his skin. if someone were to read his mind, would they laugh at the rising jealousy towards the pen that was so easily allowed to touch till’s lips?
sucking in a soft breath, ivan moved to lay down, resting on his stomach beside till as he kept his head turned towards the focused boy. the gentle breeze ruffled some of the loose pages, till crying out in distress as he reached for them in a panic.
ivan hoped they would fly away. he wondered if till would ever reach for him like that, afraid to lose him and desperate to keep him by his side.
a page fluttered over to ivan, a name written in pink catching his eyes, expression hardening at the sight.
mizi.
just how lovestruck could till be to boldly write the name of the holder of his affections on a page that could so easily be stolen and exposed? was that why he was working so hard right now? to create, yet another, work of art to gift to a girl who would never be able to return the same feelings he had? to give his heart away to someone else when ivan was right there, eager for even a few scraps of till’s attention?
irritation was evident in ivan’s eyes - not that till noticed. not that he ever noticed - and as till busied himself with collecting the scattered sheets of music, ivan reached out for the abandoned pen and took it into his hands. if he pressed it to his own lips, could that be considered an indirect kiss? would he be able to taste till from this pen? what kind of expression would till make if he saw?
or would he just snatch the pen back and continue to use it to doodle out the name of another?
“ah.”
till looked back, eyes wide at the sight.
“i broke it.” ivan sat up, hands covered in ink as he held the pen that had been snapped in half.
“you idiot-“ till abandoned his papers and guitar, a sight that had a light flickering in ivan’s once dull eyes, and hurried to grab ivan’s wrist, bringing them close as he used his shirt as a towel to wipe off the ink as best as he could. “the hell were you doing? god, it’s all over us now!”
ivan wondered, as he moved to sit up, gaze locked on the boy in front of him, if till was thinking more about the ink that stained ivan’s hand or about ivan who was stained by the ink. he hoped it was the latter. he hoped he was occupying even a fragment of till’s mind right now. he looked so pretty up close, brows furrowed and lips parted to ramble out a string of curses and nagging. look at me. turn your head and look at me.
but he never did.
he wasn’t sure if it was annoyance that moved him or simply a desire to tease but ivan’s hands moved from till’s cleaning attempts to grab him by the sleeves and yank him towards him as he let himself fall back onto the grass, till yelping out as he all but crashed onto ivan, trapped there for a moment. it was brief but ivan prayed his body would remember the sensation for as long as possible.
he opened his eyes, loosening his grip enough for till to try and tug himself back, disbelief and an irritated fluster evident on his features as he glared down at ivan.
you finally looked at me, was what the dark haired boy wanted to say. “heh, your face turned red,” was what came out instead. it earned him a rough shove to the face but even that touch was cherished. ivan was sure that till could stab him and he’d simply open his arms out in a welcoming embrace if it meant he could hold him.
“shut up! it’s hot and you’re stupid-!” was the childish retort that snapped out of till, hands raised to cover his ears in case those were flushed red as well. ivan always did things like this, things that constantly caught him off guard. he was never really sure how to take these situations but he found himself continuing to allow ivan to be by his side so he supposed he didn’t fully hate it. besides, ivan accepted all repercussions whenever till fought back. it was admittedly a bit strange, how ivan never failed to return no matter what till did but perhaps, somewhere deep down, till always hoped for him to come back. he couldn’t imagine a future where ivan wouldn’t hurry back to him. it was probably a stupid concern anyways. with the way things were between them, a day like that would never come.
till groaned, simply giving up songwriting for a moment as he lay back, hands resting on his stomach as he closed his eyes, basking under the cool protection of the tree. ivan stared at him before taking his place by till’s side, laying down for only a moment before he turned to just … gaze at the other boy. it was usually moments like these, moments where till wasn’t looking, that ivan was able to stare, to fully drink in the sight of till’s existence and beauty. would it be better if till never looked at him? at least then, he could admire him to his heart’s content.
ivan let out a small laugh. as if he would ever be fully satisfied with the way things were. his greed continued to fester with each day. a hand reached out to till’s face, fingers trembling as ivan imagined what it would feel like to just caress the other’s cheek, to graze against his lips.
his hand clenched into a fist and he pulled away.
this was enough. in this moment of peace, it was just the two of them. that was enough. it should be enough.
“hey, till.”
“yeah?”
“do you think we’ll ever be free?”
“what kinda question is that?”
“...”
till sighed. “i’m sure one day…”
“what would you do on that day?”
“hm. i … would go to the beach. i wanna see one in person.”
“can i go with you?”
“yeah yeah yeah.”
they were quiet again.
“hey, till?”
“hm?”
“promise we’ll go see the beach together?”
“... i promise.”
“hey, till.”
“what.”
i love you.
“nothing.”
“tsk. stupid.”