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“TRAPPED IN PURGATORY”
My feet slammed against the footwell of my car and my hands slapped the steering wheel to the beat of the pounding drums.
“A LIFELESS OBJECT, ALIVE”
I sang along in my deepest gruntiest voice in between drags, the weed was strong. The only way I like it.
“AWAITING REPRISAL”
All 4 of my windows were down and the wind rushed through my ears, but the music was louder. The bass pumped through my upgraded stereo system, I felt so fucking high. On the music and on the drugs. My AC had been fucked for months, and a Los Angeles summer night was usually breezy enough to stop me from sweating. Tonight though, my bare chest glistened, yellowish from the dingy streetlights.
“DEATH WILL BE THEIR AQUITTANCE, THE SKY IS TURNING RED”
I was still pumped up from the show. It had
been like 5 hours, but I couldn’t shake the adrenaline. Shavo and John went home to be with their girlfriends. Fucking lame. Serj came and chilled with me in my basement for a while and we jammed. It’s turning into a studio more and more by the day, I love it. I have every instrument you could imagine. 10 year old me would freak.
“RETURN TO POWER DRAWS NEAR”
Me and Serj ended up smoking a bowl and I did a couple of lines too but he wouldn’t partake. He says it messes with his “inner peace”. He’s such a fucking hippie. He’s so smart. I should be more like him. But being a slutty stoner who pulls down his pants on stage every night is pretty fun, can’t lie. Anyway, since he didn’t do the lines he started crashing after a few hours. I left him sleeping on my couch for a while since he was too fucked to drive home.
“FALL INTO ME, THE SKY’S CRIMSON TEARS”
At one point the weed must’ve been fucking with me because I stopped messing around on my guitar and started watching him sleep. I looked at the shape of his nose, how long and pretty it looked from the side. His full lips and bushy eyebrows. My cock twitched a little and that’s when I knew it was time to go for a drive.
“ABOLISH THE RULES MADE OF STONE”
I took a long drag and closed my eyes for a few seconds. When I opened them again I was centimeters from hitting a pole. I swerved and looked down to see I was going 105. The limit was 55. “Fuck.” I slowed down to a crawling 98.
I air guitared along with the solo and saw flashing lights behind me and I tried to blink them away, coke does that to me sometimes. I ran a red light and slowed down a little more when the lights got brighter. “FUCK.”
I zoned in and felt more sober than I have in my life. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
I slowed down to 70 and kept driving. I smoked the last of my drag and threw it out the window, as subtly as I could. I dug through the glovebox and found a few mostly empty bags of coke and a couple of pre-rolls and threw those out too. It hurt me to do it.
At this point I finally lowered my music and turned on my blinker. I could hear the sirens. I looked in my rearview mirror to see 3 cop cars, 1 behind me and the other two were switching lanes to surround me. FUCK.
My thoughts raced as I started pulling over. Yeah I’ve been pulled over lots of times, but only by 1 asshole cop at a time. I didn’t do anything to warrant THREE cars. I’m a pothead who speeds a little. Fucking pigs.
I shifted into park and grabbed my wallet for my license. I reached into the console for my registration, and out of my peripheral vision saw 4 men surrounding me. I looked up at them.
“What the fu-“ One of the pigs put his hand on my door handle and swung it open, hard. My heart jumped and I let out an involuntary “DUDE!”
They were all holding guns out and I was actually afraid. I had a lot of bad friends in high school but I had surprisingly never had a gun pointed at me.
“GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!”
“Dude, what did-“
“PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND GET OUT OF THE CAR.”
“I’m just-“ I stumbled over my words and couldn’t get myself to move.
One of the men reached in and grabbed me by the shirt. I could barely comprehend what was happening before I was on the hot pavement, the left side of my face pressed into the ground with something cold against my right temple. One of the pigs was straddling me and I realized it was a gun. I almost felt like I was gonna cry.
“I was fucking speeding! You’re gonna shoot me?!”
“STOP FUCKING TALKING!”
“What did I do? Tell me what I fucking did!” My voice was coming out higher pitched than I wanted to. I sounded like a little girl. “Why are you doing this?!” I tried to lift my head and the tears started to tickle my cheeks. So much for looking tough.
My mini panic attack seemed to work though, because one of the taller guys in the back came closer to me.
“Sanchez, get off of him.” After the 200 pounds were lifted from my torso I turned onto my back and put my hand to my face, groaning in pain. My cheek felt wet. The tall guy kicked my leg gently. “Sit up. Sit against the car.”
I sighed and got up slowly. As I leaned back against my fucked up car I could finally see straight again and I just wanted to be home with Serj. Why couldn’t I have just gone to sleep?
“Where’s your license and registration?” A different man asked.
I gestured towards the open door. “On my seat.”
He grabbed my documents and walked to one of the cop cars to run them while another guy kneeled next to me and started asking questions.
“You’re Daron Malakian?”
I nodded.
“Your license plate shows multiple warrants for your arrest, you know that, right?”
“Now I do.”
“Don’t be smart. You have $12,500 in outstanding traffic tickets. We clocked you at 105 in a 55 zone. Is there a reason?”
“Just didn’t realize how fast I was going.” I lied.
“Okay well my partner is searching your car right now, is there anything in there that shouldn’t be in there?”
“No.”
“Are you under the influence of any alcohol or drugs right now?”
“Smoked half a joint.” I lied again.
“Okay we’re gonna need to do a breathalyzer and sobriety test.”
“I didn’t have anything to drink.”
“Your eyes are telling us otherwise.”
“I swear to god, I haven’t had a drink since I was 21.” I’m not a drinker. Fuck you if you’re gonna try and say that I am!
He looked down at some paperwork one of the other guys had given him a minute ago. “Okay, we still need you to take this test, it’s not just for alcohol.”
Fuck. I proceeded to follow the light with just my eyes, not my head, I recited as much of the alphabet backwards as I could and I did a sorry attempt at walking in a straight line. I was so angry with myself. I was more fucked up than I thought. And I should really stop putting all of my mail in that one drawer without opening it. Apparently I had three tickets I forgot to pay and never showed up to court for. I had the money to pay the $12,500 there and then, but that didn’t matter.
After I failed the test things started seeming a little more serious, as two of the pigs started whispering things to each other. Turns out I forgot about a bag in my back seat I had just picked up a few days ago with 5 grams of pot. Another gram was in my cup holder. And another under the passengers seat. I smoked a shit ton and I did a lot of it in my car. Should really start cleaning it out more often.
“Put your hands behind your back.” The tallest pig seemed so nonchalant, like he did this 10 times a day. I guess he did.
“You have the right to remain silent,”
Fuuuuuck.
“Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.”
The cold metal felt kind of good against my wrists, I was sweating.
“You have the right to an attorney,”
The words they were saying weren’t registering to me, I just kept thinking. Thinking about Serj who was asleep on my couch, with no idea I had even left the house. Thinking about the band who would be fucked without me. We had another 3 shows around LA next week. Thinking about my parents who thought I was over my “problems with authority” phase. Thinking about Serj again. How my cock twitched earlier and how I blamed it on the drugs, but in reality, I knew the drugs had nothing to do with it. My eyes glazed over as I zoned out, thinking about everything, and I only zoned back in when I hit the smooth, hard backseat of one of the cop cars. I was sort of dozing off with my head against the window when the door was rudely pulled open. The drugs were mostly worn off by now and my adrenaline was lower, I was fucking tired. I just wanted my bed.
I got led into an ugly room, light brown walls and lights that were way too bright. Metal chairs that were stuck to the floor, I guess so they couldn’t be used as weapons. Two other guys were sitting in the chairs- one was talking to himself and the other scratching his arms obsessively. Clearly addicts. I had seen enough of them growing up in Hollywood. I felt for them.
The next hour was a boring blur of paperwork and questions. They finally took the handcuffs off and my wrists were red and tender. My face really fucking hurt too. I got a glimpse in a two way mirror and my forehead and cheek were purple, already bruised with dried up blood. Some woman sanitized it and put on some ointment. Not gently. More like it was a chore.
Before I was put in a cell they made me take off all of my clothes and bend over. I felt so cold and vulnerable. I changed into the orange jumpsuit and felt so fucking stupid.
“If you have someone to bail you out it’ll be $13,000. Earliest will be 8am tomorrow.” I got told as I was being led to a cell.
He opened the door for me and it stunk. There were two beds- flat and gray- and a steel toilet in the middle of the room. Thank god I had taken a shit before I left, coke tends to do that to me. Loud snoring was coming from the left bed, so I guessed mine was on the right.
I hesitated as he closed the door behind me, and I talked to him through the bars- softly, so I wouldn’t wake up whoever was in my room with me. I really wasn’t in the mood to make a friend right now. Or an enemy. “Don’t I get a phone call?”
“Phones are down right now. They’ll be back at 7.”
I wanted Serj to know what happened. I didn’t want him to worry when he wakes up and I’m not there. “Well my friend is staying at my house, is there any way-“
“Not til 7. Sorry.” The guard walked away and I heard his footsteps echoing through the hallway for a while. I got in bed and felt anxious, but I finally fell asleep and didn’t wake up until 8, when loud announcements were being made about breakfast. I pulled the blanket over my head, trying to fall back asleep until I realized the phones were working! Serj could come and save me! Or I hoped he would, at least.
Around 9am a guard finally came and escorted me to the phones, I dialed my own phone number, assuming Serj would still be at my house asleep. The phone barely completed one ring before Serj answered.
“Daron?!” He seemed panicked.
Was he panicked over me? “Uh- yeah, sorry. I didn’t think you’d be up yet.”
“Are you in fucking jail?!”
My heart jumped a little at the word. “How did you know?”
“Because the phone just told me that this is a fucking phone call from Men’s Central Jail.”
“Oh.”
“What do you mean oh? Are you okay?”
Serj seemed to be getting really worked up and I felt so bad for doing that to him. “Yeah I’m fine. Can you come bail me out?”
“Obviously. What do you need?”
“Umm. $13,000.”
“Shit what did you do?”
“It’s stupid. I’ll pay you back, i’m sorry.”
“Do you need like, clothes or something? When can I come and get you?”
“It’s okay, just come whenever you can.”
“I’m leaving now.”
“Wait, Serj.” I don’t know what I wanted to say. But I felt something in me itching to say more.
“Yeah?”
The guard behind me tapped on his watch and I felt too uncomfortable to say anything with him watching. “Thank you.”
“I’m not gonna leave you in jail, Daron.”
“Thanks.”
With that I hung up the phone and went back to my cell. I felt like an animal. In the hands of the government, the system. They had total control over me and they had taken my freedom from me. Yeah, it was only for a night. But what if I was poor? What if I had no friends or family? It made me so angry to think about.
It was no longer than a half an hour when I got escorted into a new room where I got my clothes back and was able to change. I had been wearing my mesh black shirt and black shorts, one of my go-to outfits. But it reeked of sweat and made me crave a shower even more. They had made me take my hair out the night before and it was a mess, so I tied it back up in a ponytail on top of my head. I rubbed my eyes and saw my eyeliner come off onto my hands. I probably looked ridiculous and now Serj was gonna have to see me like this. I tried to rub off the smudges as best as I could and I walked out of the changing room, handing my orange jumpsuit to some woman and feeling so grateful to be getting out of there.
When I stepped through a different door I was back to where I had first come in the night before, and I saw Serj standing there with a big smile, wearing one of my oversized hoodies. I thought that was really cute.
I ran and hugged him tight, making him lose balance and laugh.
“Sorry.” My cheeks turned rosy with embarrassment. I don’t know what came over me but I was really excited to see him.
He didn’t say anything but he smiled bigger and flicked my ponytail. “Come on.”
I followed Serj like an excited puppy to his car, and when I opened the passenger door I saw my black sweatpants and “FUCK MUSIC” t shirt folded in a neat little pile.
“You brought me clothes?”
Serj buckled up and reached into his backseat, handing me a plastic bag. “Candy too.”
“Sour twizzlers!!” I sat down, moving the clothes onto my lap and ripped open the bag, sticking one into my mouth.
“You hungry?” Serj smirked.
I nodded enthusiastically.
“Let’s get food.”
I nodded again and the car ride went so quick. I reclined the seat and closed my eyes, chewing my candy and listening to Serj’s music. A New Career in a New Town by David Bowie. That song felt like a breath of fresh air. I stuck my hand out the window and smiled at the breeze. Before I knew it the car came to a stop and we were at my favorite pizzeria. They were open 24/7 and this wasn’t the first time I had gone for a slice in the morning.
“Do you wanna change?”
I looked down at myself and brought my armpit to my nose. “Yeah. I stink.”
“You said it, not me!”
I smiled as I took off my shirt and undid my shorts. Serj was watching me at first but then he averted his eyes out the window. I threw on the t shirt and slipped into my sweatpants before putting my sneakers back on. I felt a lot better.
We got our pizza and sat down, across from each other, and it was the first time Serj got a more serious look on his face.
“So. What the fuck happened?” He took a bite of his margarita slice. He always chose the healthier option.
I giggled, even though it wasn’t really funny.
“You fell asleep and I still felt hyped up so I went for a drive. I was still high and they got me for speeding.”
“That’s it?” He took a sip of his water.
I looked at my cuticles which I had been picking at. “I guess I had warrants from not showing up to court over some dumb ass tickets. And then I had weed in the car too.”
“Fuck. So what happened to your face?”
I had forgotten about that, I put my hand up to my left cheek and it stung.
“Oh. Yeah they pulled me out of the car and threw me on the ground. Had a gun to my head and everything.” I shook my head, still in disbelief that that had happened, and took another bite.
Serj coughed and dripped water down his chin.
“You alright?” I watched as he grabbed for napkins.
He wiped his mouth and his face got angry. “They what?!”
“It’s alright. They got off me once I started crying like a little bitch.” I laughed.
“Daron! That’s not fucking okay.”
I shrugged. “I know. They’re all fucking pigs.”
He nodded, agreeing with me, but he didn’t talk for a minute. He looked really angry. “I fucking hate the prison system. I hate cops and I hate that you can be in the same place as a rapist just for smoking a little weed or speeding. It needs to fucking change. Did they even ask you if you were okay?”
“Not really. Some lady cleaned my face up though.” I ate the last bite of my crust and leaned my head back against the booth.
“I’m sorry this happened, D. You’re strong!” Serj looked at me and both of our hands were on the table, so close that his pinky touched mine. I looked back at him not saying anything, just kind of looking into his eyes, feeling so comfortable and understood. I was so lucky to have him in my life and I didn’t know how to thank him. I couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Let’s go.” I finally spoke and threw away our plates, Serj following me to his car. We got in and sat for a couple of minutes. It seemed like he wanted to say something else and so did I. I played with my cuticles again, causing my thumb to bleed a little so I rubbed it off. The radio was on, now up to a song called Art Decade, a super trippy, experimental instrumental. It was cool. I leaned my elbow onto the middle console, getting closer to Serj. I looked at him for a couple of seconds at a time, my huge eyes probably creeping him out, because when we made eye contact he turned away.
After a minute he looked at me and started to speak, “So um, where do you-“
I cut him off, my lips finding his and sucking lightly. I heard him inhale but he didn’t push me away so I continued. I reached my hand over the console and held his cheek, kissing him harder, with more precision. I felt his fingers slowly touch my back, sort of rubbing me and sort of lingering, a feeling of nervousness in them. It made me nervous too and I pulled off of him even though I didn’t want to.