Chapter Text
-- march 10; 1996 . sunday
the day after the sleepover.
we all sat in the treehouse; a comfortable silence. aubrey found her bracelet materials and decided what we'd do today, basically. kel and aubrey fought with mari and hero-- they wanted to match bracelets. in the end-- mari and aubrey; hero and kel. everyone uses charms to describe their partner---then their partner would describe them. you would wear each others bracelets....a sign of friendship i guess. i wasn't too interested but it wouldn't be fair to opt out. the cold wood of the treehouse floor grounded me into joining.
i sat there, doing my best to follow everyone else--i didnt really get this. or cared. aubreys struggling was both amusing and annoying. i wanted this to be over already. this was not my favorite idea of fun. even board games would beat this.
quickly, i began losing myself in my thoughts--boredom peaking. as everyone was focused it was clear i wasnt, quite the opposite of focused. definitely some glares from aubrey when i was not listening to her. eventually she stopped blabbering and we actually begun trying to cut the small string to the size of each others wrists. everyone seemed to struggle with that. i ended up being the very last to get a string.
i carefully (roughly) measured the size of basils wrist; noticing some scars from thorns. i didnt notice those before. either way, i wrapped the string around his wrist before cutting the string slightly longer as instructed. to 'make it fit longer' (even though it'd break easily) and 'have enough space to not choke the wrist' which actually made sense.
after contemplating for awhile, i looked up at basil who was carefully choosing different charms. i aspired to put in that level of dedication for bracelets that will break in...like a week. it was charming. but... that was different. what i really thought about was realities where some things couldve played out different. anyway,, it was time to get myself charms. i could think about that later. at least, if i remembered to. the charms had to represent basil, which would make choosing take a little more than "i like this one and this one."
i think that i chose the sun for basils positivity. or maybe because hes the only light in my life that mattered enough. looking forward to the day of light the sun brings...makes me think of him. the flower was quite obvious. he was basically, a pro, or something. i bet he could figure out any flower just by looking at it. its really nerdy but cool. there wasn't really anything for a camera or photos. i put a square in its place. maybe it would make sense in the end.. finally, there was a weird looking dog. i chose that to describe his loyalty. i didnt really like dogs but there was no cats. awful charms.... not even durability could make up for that... :*(
almost forgot. i remember him saying green and yellow were his favorite colours. so, for the beads of course they were yellow and green...even if they looked kinda ugly together. their shades were bad. sorry basil. i messed with patterns for a little before progressing on with it.
it was obnoxious to string together those stupid beads and charms. do not get me started on the charms. i hated every moment of it. i would rather rewatch aubrey struggle to give us a tutorial than ACTUALLY use the tutorial i fear. but sanity moves on. i think i wanted to scream after 5 beads fell off. i was so close to giving up--but mari told me to continue and so i did. because... i fear mari. she would probably make me watch her make cookies and not let me have any. she was brutal. that was probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me. i remember basil having to sneak me a cookie because i was upset.
eventually, i caught up and tied the bracelet together. i had to fight everything in my bones not to throw it at a wall. i hated how tedious that was. if i destroyed it, however, i would never see the light and day. mari and aubrey would be the worst. but also basil would be disappointed to not have a matching bracelet for him. so i didnt.
finally, mari took the camera and took a picture of mine and basils wrists together; showing off the bracelets. i took the time to look at what mine looked like. i liked it, honestly...until i noticed the cat. ***HE STOLE MY CAT.*** but also?? at least i was getting the cat. maybe it wasnt that annoying he used it afterall...also i think a dog wouldnt work for me.
finally, everyone put their wrists together (god so many pictures..) aand took a...group photo? with our hands? i guess? mine stood out so bad. the others had bright beads, but mine were darkest. i couldn't really complain if it was honest though... which, obviously it was.
"hey, sunny-"
i looked up. no one had been talking to me (or much in general) so it was hard to say i wasnt a little caught off guard. it was kel. my best friend.
"hi."
wasn't very confident in this answer. it was hard to tell with kel whether it was a greeting or a statement at this point. he was so unpredictable...but like, all the time. there was no predicting his next words or what he meant behind them.
"what'd you do for basil?"
oh okay. that was all it was about. i showed the bracelet to him; letting him turn it to get a good look at all sides. i was a little scared he'd break it, honestly. however, surprisingly he was careful. maybe for the first time in his life. who knows. he ran into a tailgate as a young kid (or so hero says) so it's not very surprising he turned out this way.
hero and mari says i shouldnt make jokes like that about kel..but its funny. it was hero's fault for telling us kel would run into things so often as a child. of course im gonna mock kel... thats what best friends do. i think. if aubreys allowed to bully kel, why cant i?? im not THAT little...
i hate it here.
"sunny," a voice spoke up.
i looked up from the floor; realising how i had zoned out and gotten lost in my own thoughts. i turned to mari, who seemed excited.
"the community dance is coming up...."
she quietly spoke; implying she wants me to go. lucky for mari, i knew it was a threat. reluctantly, id have to deal with it and go. i would probably have to stick close to everyone to avoid conversation at all costs. anything.
"fine,"
i replied, not making an effort to hide my annoyance in the question. i would get mari back for this someday.
"great!!" she threw her hands around me.
i sighed, hugging her back. a few giggles came from hero-- and that was basically it.
we talked-- or really, they talked, for a awhile longer. i sat in the corner doing my math homework for tomorrow. i hated math. it makes no sense. i wanted to get it over with so i could draw. i noticed basil in a similar state; so i ended up sitting next to him.
"i'm struggling."
i said, pointing out my several blank pages of work. he glanced over, carefully taking my book. he pulled out a notepad and began to write down a few problems.
"okay. you have to draw an 140 degree angle."
(i googled 5th grade math. this is not what i remembered. from 5th grade.)
I listened.
"...which is...?" basil dragged on, waiting for an answer.
"uuu.... this?" i drew a random angle. i didnt understand at all.
"um... close..."
he continued on until we both had our sheets done. it was beginning to get dark and soon to get ready for bed. i really didn't want today to end, but at least i would see basil tomorrow. and i had my homework done.
mari was the one to announce wrapping up; making everyone clean up and go home. i picked up some crayons and organised them in the way they were supposed to. mari noticed me putting them in their assigned slot and sighed.
"you don't have to make it perfect. youll get them out tomorrow, sunny..." she sighed.
i disregarded her comment. they had to be in their right spot, or maybe they would change colours on me., she noticed my ignorance and mumbled to herself.
"bloody hell, sunny."
hero looked at kels area; noticing it was a bunch of candy rubbish. he shook his head and began talking to kel. it wasn't any of my business so i didn't listen in. it wasnt a surprise that kel was all over the place with his rubbish. he wasn't very tidy so he had the largest work cut out for him.
basil neatened his own, he didnt really have much so began helping kel out. this was a pretty usual routine for basil. i noticed how basil seemed somewhat disappointed about going home so soon. time had vanished from saturday... honestly it was a little shocking how little time it felt had passed since yesterday.
aubrey was the first to go home, finishing up her side quickest. well, technically basil did; however he wanted to stay back and help. next was hero and kel. she didn't have anything to wait for, and knew her mum would likely want her home immediately after cleaning up.
not too long after, i left the treehouse with basil; trying to stall time. i really didnt want basil to go. once mari stepped outside, i knew it wouldn't last any longer. i pulled basil into a hug and said my goodbyes, being rushed in by mari as the crickets woke up.
i brushed my teeth, looking into the mirror as mari studied herself. i knew she was insecure about her looks. she would often try to deny it to avoid opening up about it to me. i guess it was because she was generally secretive. and, i was her little brother after all. nothing i said would give her peace of mind. so, i never mentioned it. sometimes id remind her that shes pretty, but it never really made a difference.
i finished brushing and walked out of the bathroom with mari. she led me to my room and tucked me in, hesitating for a moment before leaving. i studied the ceiling in the dim light of my room; faded light through my window encircling the rocking chair nobody ever used. it had a lonely little teddy bear sat. if it weren't creepy looking, maybe id give it comfort; peace of mind. to know that someone was there for it.
but it wasn't going to be me. not anymore.
i continued staring at my ceiling. many thoughts absorbed me into this own land. the rest didnt seem to matter, but one topic had me thinking...and after i thought of it i could only feel shame.
' if basil or i were a girl, would we finally be able to hold hands? '
stupid thoughts. i didn't think of basil in such way. it was forbidden anyways. if anyone had seen us like that, we would be thrown out; bound to secrecy. with this town, one action can be heading news. they would write about anything. if it was beyond the norm, it would be documented. thats why i stick to myself. i didnt want the paper to be shoved in my face.
i would be told god felt shame in me, that i would never make it successful. i would be locked in chains, burning after i died. i thought it was all extremely overexaggerated. but i still didnt want to think of two men like that. it would be unusual. which is why i stopped myself from thinking about any romance. it wasn't a sin to be alone. girls were hard to understand.
i closed my eyes.
i opened them to see basil at my bedside. he was in a tuxedo with a rose flower pin. it was weird for a monday...right before school. i took his hand and pulled myself up from my position.
"are you ready?" he asked, though his voice sounded different.
"for what??" i mumbled back, completely confused.
"...the dance? we're going together?"
we are? i didn't realise. i stand up and open up my closet. i may have a tuxedo somewhere...except it was all dresses. that was weird. i kept digging until i saw it. i saw my hair? that wasn't usual.
i ran my fingers through my hair. it was unusually long... there was no way this was real. i couldn't wake up from this nightmare.
so, i had to play along. i put on a dress and called it a day. i held onto basils hand as we left. i guess the stupid thoughts werent done, i wasnt completely mad though...this would be an interesting dream.
we met up with hero and mari. they were getting ready together in the bathroom. mari looked really pretty in this dream. i hoped she felt it too, even if it was fake. hero adjusted his tie and gave a proud nod towards basil....the bro nod.
and— ugh that blaring...is my alarm. thank bloody jesus. i got up from my bed and ran my fingers through my hair. great. not a girl.
i woke myself up and got ready for school. simply, that was basically it.
getting ready is a little boring to write down, so ill skip to the walk there. we always walk together; we're the FARAWAY gang afterall. nevermind that sounded awfully cringe. perhaps worse than the dream at this point.
i nodded of in class, looking out the window.