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OG Timeline JoFoes Watch Steel Ball Run, JoJoLion & JoJoLands.

Summary:

DIO, Kars, Yoshikage Kira, Diavolo & Enrico Pucci are taken from their damned fates and told that in order to return to the world of the living, they must watch the adventures of the Joestars of another universe.
AKA: Original Timeline JoFoes react to the New Timeline.

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To say that Diavolo was losing his mind was an understatement on par with the phrase “Water is wet”.

He had been stabbed, dissected, run over, crushed, burned, drowned, pummeled, poisoned, you get the point, for so long that he didn’t even know how long he had been in this death loop. A day? A week? A year? A decade? A century? Longer? Or maybe he was just in here for an hour? Time no longer held meaning to him anymore.

Not a second went through his mind he didn’t plead to be let out.

The most recent death he had been sent through resulted in him being force fed spaghetti sauce by a man named John Doe and kicked in the gut until it ruptured. He was then reset into the heart of a city, he didn’t know which one and at this point didn’t care.

He wondered what would kill him this time, but in his heart, he knew it didn’t matter, he would die in some new horrific way.

And then he saw something odd.

A crystal blue portal shaped like a portal. It wasn’t too far off from Diavolo, so questions raced through his head as fast as they could.

What is it?

Where does it go?

If I died, would it be in the next “Loop” or would it disappear?

Is this [Gold Experience Requiem]’s doing?

Should I go inside?

Diavolo quickly realized he needed to go in this portal, it could be a possible way to escape this hell of his and even if it was a trap, what’s the worst that could happen? He dies again?

Diavolo saw a bus rush on the road on the path to crush him.

“No……. NOT AGAIN!” Diavolo screamed with the panic and rage of the devil. “[KING CRIMSON]!”

[King Crimson] manifested and deflected the bus away. Every other time Diavolo tried this before it just delayed the inevitable death, but this time he saw a way out.

Diavolo ran towards the portal as fast as he could and jumped inside of it.

On the other side, Diavolo saw a blank white room. Four portals other than his own were inside. 

Four men came out of each one, a vampire in yellow, a salaryman in purple, a priest in black, and a Pillar Man with wings.

The portals collapsed.

“DIO?” The priest looked at the vampire.

“Enrico Pucci?” DIO saw the priest. “Ah, if Fate intended for us to meet again, this is one of its best plans yet.”

“Who are you people?” Diavolo screamed revealing his [King Crimson] “Are you responsible for the portals?”

“I could ask you the same.” DIO responded by showing his golden Stand. “I had nothing to do with this.”

“You’re a Stand user?” Pucci looked at Diavolo, showing off his own heavenly Stand. The businessman pulled out his pink Stand to protect him. “Then clearly you know of DIO-Sama''

“I don’t care, I just want to know who to thank for freeing me from that hell he put me in.” Diavolo explained in utter hate.

“Who are you talking about?” Pucci asked.

“Giorno Giovanna, although he goes by GioGio. He killed me and put me in a fate worse than any other.” Diavolo explained.

“What a coincidence. I killed two men who went by JoJo and then a third JoJo killed me. DAMN THAT JOTARO!” DIO Screamed.

“DIO-Sama, if it makes you feel better, I managed to kill Jotaro and his daughter Jolyne on the path to heaven, I simply failed to take care of someone who Jolyne saved and he killed me.” Pucci explained.

“Bullshit you killed Jotaro,” The businessman yelled. “Jotaro killed me with his cousin Josuke.”

“I think Josuke’s his Uncle.” Pucci explained.

“No way, he’s too young.” The business man responded.

“Hold on, did we all fight these JoJo’s?” The Pillar Man asked. “Because I was killed by Joseph Joestar.”

“I killed Joseph and his ancestor Jonathan!” DIO responded. “This must be why we were summoned, we all died to the Joestar Line and their allies. You, did this Giorno Giovanna have a star on his shoulder?”

“I wasn’t looking at his back, but now that you bring it up, he might have had it.” Diavolo scratched his neck.

“Then he was a Joestar.” DIO groaned. “That’s the connective tissue.”

The businessman walked up and said “My name is Yoshikage Kira, I was 33 years old when I died, and I believe we should work together in order for all of us to avoid our fates.”

“Deal.” Diavolo said in a rush. “This is the longest I’ve been without dying, I’ll work with you.”

“Well, what do you say Enrico?” DIO asked. “Feel like teaming up with these two?”

“If you’re joining them, I’ll be by your side.” Pucci smiled. “Let’s introduce ourselves.”

“I am DIO.” DIO explained. “Just DIO, all capital letters.”

“They call me Diavolo.” Diavolo explained. “Just Diavolo.”

“My name is Father Enrico Pucci. You can just call me Pucci.” Pucci said.

“Then why does he get to call you Enrico?” Kira asked.

“Because Pucci is my best friend.” DIO smiled warmly.

“You two knew each other before this?” Diavolo asked. “I don’t know anybody here.”

“I’m in the same boat.” Kira explained and pointed to the Pillar Man. “Do either of you happen to know him?”

“I can’t say I do.” Pucci said.

“I don’t know him by name, but I have heard myths of people like him. They call his kind Pillar Men.” DIO said.

“You would be correct.” The Pillar Man explained. “I am Lord Kars, leader of the Pillar Men and Ultimate Life Form.”

“Are you going to work with us or not?” Diavolo asked.

“Why would I work for a food source?” Kars asked. “I could kill each and every one of you in the time it takes you to blink.”

“Really?” DIO asked. “Show me your Stand’s Power”

“A Stand?” Kars asked.

“You don’t have a Stand?” Kira asked.

“I don’t need whatever Stand Power is, I can adapt to every creature living on your earth, I am utterly immortal.” Kars bragged.

“Well whatever power you had before failed to kill Joseph Joestar, right? I killed him.” DIO explained. 

“HOW DID YOU GET PAST HIS CHEATING ASS!” Kars yelled.

“Stand Power.” DIO showed off. “Work with us, and we’ll provide you the ability to gain a Stand. I believe I had a Stand Arrow in my mansion.”

“Deal.” Kars said. 

“Now what do we do?” Kira asked. Kars looked at the room and saw a tv.

“There’s a box with electric currents running through it.” Kars pointed out.

“That’s a Television.” DIO said. “There’s a note on it.”

“Who wants to get it?” Kira asked.

“I will. [ZA WARUDO]!” DIO announced. [The World] stopped time in an instant so that if there were a trap, it would not hit him. He grabbed the paper and returned to the other four by the time time resumed.

“Your Stand can teleport?” Kars asked.

“[The World] can stop time for up to nine seconds.” DIO explained. “That is true Stand Power.”

“Funny thing.” Diavolo said. “My [King Crimson] can skip future time for up to ten seconds. I wonder what would happen if we were to activate them at the same time?”

“My stand [Made In Heaven] can make time accelerate faster.” Pucci explained

“Oh, you managed to get [Made In Heaven]! I honestly wasn’t sure if we could get to that point.”

“Your praises are appreciated DIO, but seeing as I failed, I cannot accept them.” Pucci apologized.

“Nonsense, if you failed with [Made In Heaven], the only reasonable explanation is that Fate itself struck you down, and that is deserving of every praise.”

Diavolo rolled his eyes at the pair and asked “Eugh, Love. Kira was it? What can you do?”

Kira revealed his cat-like Stand “[Killer Queen] can turn objects and people into bombs.”

“Neat, at least it isn’t another time-stand.” Diavolo said. Kira rolled his eyes.

“Can we just read the paper?” Kars asked. He snatched the paper from DIO and read it off. “This is a test. One born out of curiosity. You are the enemies of the Joestar Line, and thus I have summoned you from death. I want you to watch the adventures of the Joestars of an alternate universe on the TV in front of you and see what your opinions are. If I determine you have become better people, I will send you back to the land of the living, if not you will be sent back to your old fates.”

“Is this a Stand attack?” Pucci asked.

“If I had to guess, most likely.” DIO answered. “But what other chances do we have to return to life?”

“I’d rather watch TV than be stuck in that hell, turn it on.” Diavolo answered, sweating.

“As would I.” Kars answered.

“What happens to me after my death, I’d happily see what this alternate timeline’s JoJo’s are like. Although I don’t understand why I need to do so, I was a good person after all, same with you DIO.” Pucci said ignorantly.

“As much as I despise the Joestars, I agree, we need to be freed.” DIO said. “Do you object, Kira?”

“No, let’s start this already.” Kira explained. 

The TV turned on.