Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The sun’s last rays casted throughout the streets as it gradually fell back into the arms of slumber, painting a beautiful sunset over the horizon. Inside a diner that sold pancakes, was a young man donning a white collared shirt and a striped sweater vest with a coat draped over him who stared blankly out of the window.

  “Hellooo? Hey, are you paying attention here?”

  Sitting across from him was another young man, wearing a black cap with white tousled white hair. He was visibly struggling to get his partner's attention, snapping with his hand a few times until finally, his partner took notice. 

  “Oh-! Uhh sorry, Damian! What- What were we talking about before-?”

 Damian sighed, propping up one of his hands and leaning against it, 

“Ah, too absorbed in your detective work again aren't ya, Nate?”

  “Well, I've been thinking for a long time and this case doesn't make sense at all! I have all the clues laid out, right in front of me, so why can't I solve it? Why is it that I can't solve something as simple as this? What if I'm not worthy of this job at all I-” 

  Like a shaken soda bottle that had its cap popped out, the words started spewing out. The more Nate said, the faster his sentences became, the more stuck together they sound, the less comprehensive it became, the worse he felt about himself. 

  “Stop. Are you even hearing yourself right now?”

  Damian's hand raised, palm facing Nate's face to mimic a stop sign. Almost as quickly as it had started, the words abruptly stopped. Nate lowered his head to stare at the rippling reflection within his cup of coffee in silence. Seeing Nate's hands clenching the cup of coffee tightly, Damian lightly placed his hand onto them.

  “Hey, it's fine alright? Besides, I didn't ask you here to see you all stressed out, I asked you here because you looked like you could use a break.”

  Maybe it was the warmth of Damian's hand over his cold clammy hands. Maybe it was the reassuring words of care and concern from Damian. He didn't know why, but something about Damian just then made him feel…calm. Nate took a wobbly deep breath in, and slowly exhaled out, nice and steady. 

  “You feelin’ better now?” 

  “...Yeah.”

  “Wanna talk about something else?”

  “What else?”

  “I- uh-”

  A quizzical expression briefly flashed across Nate’s face. He has rarely ever seen the usually composed Damian stutter before, much less be so apprehensive on a topic. Damian's brows furrowed, it was clear he was having trouble trying to make out words for what he wanted to say.

  “Damian, you don't have to say it if you don't want to say – we could always move onto another topic.”

  “No, no- I have to get it across- hang on, just give me some time-”

  Damian pulled his hat down, seemingly hesitant to meet Nate's eyes. In the moment where he pulled his hat down, Nate could catch a glimpse of… was that a hint of a blush? At that point in time, it was like his mind momentarily ceased to function. Huh? Damian? In love? With who? Nate blinked once, then twice, at Damian who was still timidly hiding behind the cover of his hat and looking away. 

  “Damian, it's fine if you're in love, it happens to everyone, doesn't it?”

  He scooted beside Damian, hoping his presence would bring him some form of comfort. However, it seemed to result in the total opposite effect. Instead, making Damian flinch a slight bit away from Nate. Finally, he mustered up the courage to look at Nate straight in the eye. Damian seemed to have gone back to his usually composed self, if it weren't for the pursed lips and fidgety hands that gave it away… Fumbling around with his jacket’s pockets, he pulled out a tiny bite size piece of chocolate and slided it across the table towards Nate. Under his breath, Damian murmured, 

  “...for you.”

  “Huh…?”

  Staring at the chocolate wrapped in thin, transparent shiny plastic, Nate wasn't sure what to do. What does it mean when your friend who is in love with someone passes a chocolate to you? He hadn't had many…relationships with people who would stick with him for so long. They all mostly come and go, like the changing of the tides, throughout his life. In fact, Nate could even say he was inexperienced in a situation like this. The silence between Nate and Damian only grew louder, only to be broken by Damian loudly clearing his throat.

  “Nate…Do you realise what date it is today…?”

  The date? Days were always passing by, flowing like a rushing river of water, it flowed so fast from one day to the next, that even Nate himself got lost within it. What date was it again…? Scrambling to get his phone, he turned it on and noticed.

  “Huh, I guess it's 14th February now,”

  14th February… 14th February… 14th February… What could be so important about the 14th of February that Damian wanted him to notice? He looked before him at the glossy chocolate on the table, a flustered Damian, and the date.

  “Oh.” 

  The realisation hit him like a bucket of icy cold water.. 

  “Oh,” 

  He repeated again, like it hadn't been fully registered in his mind the first time. Now, as he thought about Damian, he was unsure. Unsure of what to say. Unsure of what to do. Unsure of how to react. What was Damian to him? Was it love? Friendship? Was it ever more than friends? If feelings were strings, then the strings Nate had were entangled, crossed, knotted and a huge pile of mess. Thoughts and feelings coursing through his every being at once, raging and storming, making him feel consumed by it all. 

  The lights in the diner suddenly felt blinding, the air too heavy to breathe in, and the feeling of knowing that Damian was watching him weighed in on him like an anvil.

  Nate's mouth opened, but what came out wasn't a reply to Damian's smitten heart, 

  “Damian I- I gotta go there's something I have to- uh- do-! “

  Darting out of the suffocating booth after stumbling and nearly falling, Nate scurried out of the shop and into the streets running to just anywhere, to get away from his jumbled up mess of thoughts and feelings that he could possibly never sort out. He couldn't face Damian. Not at all. He just needed a place to himself and more time to think. 

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  Damian inhaled sharply, a lump forming in his throat. With Nate gone, the booth felt like a void. He recalled how Nate started fiddling around with his coat’s collar after realising what the chocolate meant, a habit of his whenever he felt nervous. 

  What did he expect? For Nate to accept him and leap into his arms? Like some fairy tale that ends only with happy endings? Of course it was all too sudden, of course Nate would have…ran away. What would Nate think of him from now on? 

  Squiggles of bitter, loud, thoughts plagued Damian's mind. They wormed into every crevice of his brain, swarming over and filling it with uneasy thoughts.

  He loved everything about Nate. The way his eyes were like the azure blue of the clear sky, the way he was always so determined once he sets his mind to accomplish something, the way his smile brought a smile to his face too, the way he looks satisfied whenever he ate pancakes, the way he made his heart flutter slightly when their eyes met, the way he just wanted to tell him the truth every single time they met.

  Yet, as he thought about how Nate had gotten up and left in a frenzy earlier, Damian was reminded again of the truth that stung his heart the most. The truth that made him regret even harbouring such feelings in the first place. Slumping across the table, he buried his face in his arms. 

  From his mouth, a lone choked sob escaped.

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  A rhythmic sound of seawater over sand followed the ebb and flow of the ocean. Nate had been running earlier, too overwhelmed with the crushing thoughts to bother thinking about where he was headed to. Before he knew it, he found himself sitting in a quiet little spot, atop a breakwater connecting the mainland to the endless sea of darkness beyond. As he lifted his head up, he was met with a cloudless sky of stars that shone brightly, winking as they danced with boundless energy as if the sky was where a ball was being held. 

  Even with the breathtaking sight before him, Nate could only heave a sigh as he sat down, leaning backwards on his hands with his legs sprawled out. 

  There was a pang of guilt from walking away without saying much earlier. Nate could still remember the hurt he saw within Damian’s watery eyes, a pained expression etched upon his face, all whilst Nate was desperately trying to leave. 

  From his pocket, he took out a small piece of chocolate. It was still in its thin plastic packaging, the smooth dark chocolate untouched. In a haste to leave, he had unintentionally grabbed the small piece of chocolate off the table too. What was he to do with it? Should he just… return it to Damian? A small pit formed in his stomach as he thought of Damian again. Guilt and a tinge of anger for leaving Damian alone stabbed at Nate’s consciousness. 

  Nate hugged his legs, gently rocking back and forth as he turned the chocolate in his hands. It wasn’t that he hated Damian, really. He couldn’t exactly say that he loved him either. He had always viewed himself and Damian as just friends, and the mere thought of them being in a relationship that was more than just that has never crossed his mind once. However, seeing the chocolate in his hands now, he knew that Damian thought otherwise. It got him thinking that maybe, just maybe, letting them become more than friends wouldn’t be so bad after all… 

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  Pulling out his phone, Nate taps and swipes until he finds Damian’s contact. He hesitates for a moment, typing and deleting texts, before sending:

N: Damian

N: wru rn?

  He waited with bated breath, staring at Damian’s contact until the word “Online” flashed below his contact name. The double grey ticks turned blue and remained that way for a long time. Then, Damian’s status alternated between “Online” and “typing…” a few times. At a point in time, when Nate was sure Damian was going to leave him on read, the messages popped up:

D: Still at the diner

D: why?

N: I'll come over

A long pause. It was as if Damian was contemplating on sending something.

D: You don't have to

D: It's getting late, and the place is closing up soon anyways 

N: We could meet somewhere else?

D: Nate, you don't have to do this. 

D: Please

D: Just leave me alone.

  Nate felt his heart drop. No. He didn't want this to happen. He wished he could turn back the clock, back to before he decided to sprint out of the diner. Alas, something like that would never be achievable in real life. 

N: Damian

N: I'm sorry.

N: I just didn't know what got into me earlier-

N: Damian?

N: Can you talk to me?

N: Please?

N: I'm sorry but I know my sorry doesn't cut it

N: We can talk things out

N: I really need to tell you something

  His fingers flew furiously across the keyboard, with a thin sliver of hope that it might change Damian's mind. However, the lack of double blue ticks midway only showed that his efforts were in vain. 

  Nate lets go of his phone, letting it land with a muted ‘thud’ on the rocky floor. He falls to the ground, facing the sky as he cupped his face with his palms. Nothing was working. The bond that had built up between Nate and Damian over several years was cracking and drifting further apart. 

  Is this how things were going to end?

 Just like that? 

  No. 

  Nate sat up. He wasn't going to let a misunderstanding like this split them apart. It'd probably even take more than a catastrophe to sever their bond.

  Picking up his phone, he breaks into a sprint, backtracking his way to the diner as part of him continuously prayed.

Please, please, let Damian still be there in the diner.

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  The bell of the diner jingled as Nate practically threw open the door, panting as he tried to catch his breath. Frantically scanning around the near empty diner, he finds Damian still sitting in the exact same booth as earlier, staring back at him, his face pulled into a grimace, eyes slightly puffy and red.

  “Nate, what are you doing here?”

  Damian's voice was wobbly and came out as a soft raspy voice. It felt as if his voice was the only thing holding back a torrential rain of tears. Nate steps closer to Damian.

  “Damian I-”

  “Leave. I don't want you to see me right now.”

  Voice filled with bitterness, Damian curls up in a foetal position in a corner of the booth, facing away from Nate. For the first time ever, Damian looked so… vulnerable. Seeing him like that made him feel like a spear was being plunged deep into Nate's chest. It made part of him ache as if something was clawing, tearing him apart from the inside.

  “It hurts,” 

  Nate's voice quavered as the words tumbled out of his mouth without him meaning to say it out loud, his voice cracking midway,

  “It hurts to see you like this when I can't do anything about it.”

  No reaction from Damian, it felt like he was talking to a wall. But still, Nate continued, 

  “It's not that I hate you or…reject you for that matter, I just don't know. I don't know how I feel about this yet. I don't know if the feelings I feel right now are because of love or if it's something else.”

  Every word he spoke was true, coming straight from his heart, hoping it could reach Damian's. 

  “Despite that, I still want whatever we have right now to last. I like the days we spend together at this pancake shop, I like the times of joy and sorrows we spend together, I like the memories we’ve made together. I like how you've been nothing but kind to me all this while.”

  Nate could feel blood rush to his cheeks as he said that. He would have stopped there altogether and fainted from on the spot from embarrassment, but he wasn't done saying the most important part of it all,

  “I don't want this to end. I want to learn how to love you, because I cherish the time we spend together and I can't imagine a life without you. So please, don't cry, don't even think that I'd leave you. I want to stay by you for as long as I can.”

  For a moment neither of them spoke.

Then, a gentle chuckle came from Damian. The chuckle of his brightened the tense atmosphere like how fireflies lit up the dark, contrasting his previous demeanour from moments ago. Wiping away his tears away from laughing, his familiar lively smile returned to his face again. 

  “Ah, sorry I just… Didn’t expect to hear that from you. Even so, it feels… comforting to hear those words.” 

  To finally see Damian's reassuring smile and gaze again, felt like it took an eternity of waiting. That smile of his that made Nate feel warmth like the warmth of hot cocoa by a glowing fireplace whilst it snowed heavily outside. That gaze of his that instilled a slight bit more confidence into him. 

And to himself, Nate thought, 

I'm glad Damian's here, 

today, 

right now, 

close to me,

and possibly my heart.

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  The streetlamps painted the streets a dim orange whilst the moon hung high above. The shops that stood by the streets, usually bustling in the day, were empty and locked up for the night. On a night as late as this, the majority of people would have already been whisked away by their dreams, deep in their slumber. 

  Under the light of a streetlamp, Damian and Nate stood. In Nate’s hands was the same piece of chocolate from earlier, except that now the thin plastic that encased it had been pulled back. The chocolate looked slightly melted from the heat of his hands, no longer as smooth as it had looked like earlier. 

  “I think it’d be nice if this chocolate was shared between us,”

  was what Nate began to say. Before he could offer the chocolate to Damian, he pulled Nate’s hand over so close to his face to the point where Nate could feel the gentle breath of Damian on his fingers. It all happened so fast, as Damian took a little nibble out of the chocolate on Nate’s hand, afterwards using his thumb to wipe off any remaining chocolate from his lips with a smirk that made Nate’s heart skip a beat. Nate hastily recovered, careful to keep his face neutral,

“So? How does it taste?”

Damian’s face scrunched up slightly, sticking out his tongue he replied,

“eugh. It tastes bitter. You can take the rest of it.”

Responding with an uninterested “hmph”, Nate popped the remaining chocolate into his mouth. Letting it sit on his tongue, its taste enveloped his mouth. A towering block of bitterness hit his palette first, before it simmered down to waves of sweetness, leaving behind a satisfying aftertaste. 

“It’s not that bad, it just tastes bittersweet, 

starting out rough, yet ending on a good note.”

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