Chapter Text
Peggy sat at a small table in the bright, cheerful sunroom just inside the hospital’s garden. There was a photograph in front of her and she compulsively spun in. Round and round, running her thumb along the edge of the paper. She felt in no way bright or cheerful. She was nervous and regretting that she had nothing else to wear.
She’d worn this outfit at least twice. Her go-bag only held so much and she hadn’t been home in weeks. She was doing laundry at the hospital. Bloody hell, why was she worrying about that of all things? There was a long list of things to think about and her clothing shouldn’t be on it.
She crossed and uncrossed her leg, shifted in her chair. She put the picture back in the breast pocket of her blazer and took out her phone from the pocket of her jeans. She’d done the same thing in reverse only two minutes ago. Quickly, she scrolled passed the smiling faces on the phone screen before they made her feel worse. Her family shouldn’t make feel worse. Nothing about this should be making her feel badly.
Steve Rogers was back from the dead. She was sitting the sunshine waiting for Captain America. It was impossible, unbelievable, unfeasible, unimaginable, outrageous, far-fetched. She was running out of adjectives to describe it.
He had given her hope in the darkest of places in the darkest of times. He had been the love of her life; she had seen a future with him once. But he had sacrificed everything and she had had to go on without him. Broken-hearted, but determined to soldier on. She was English after all. She had had no other choice.
Now, the world had turned upside down again. She’d lost everything, rebuilt a life, and it all felt unstable again. She felt like two different people. A Peggy who had a life with Steve and a Peggy who had the life she actually had. If she moved too quickly, both would collapse.
She was nervous and waiting for him to walk through the door.
It wasn’t the first time she had seen him. She had been by his side for the weeks of recovery as they thawed his body and brought him essentially back to life. He hadn’t been conscious. Two days ago, he had finally opened his eyes and asked her if he had missed their date. She had been the one who told him he had missed the date and about ten years in between. She had barely faced him since then. She wanted to go home and find her stable footing again. To get out of the snow and back to New York. To leave this place with Steve this time and find a place in her life the way he had always been in her heart.
There was one very important conversation they had to have before anything else could happen.
She put her phone away again. The wifi was spotty, and she was out of range of her American carrier. When she looked up again, Steve coming towards her. Despite her nerves, she smiled broadly as he approached.
He looked exactly as he had the last time she’d seen him. Not just two days ago, but ten years ago. Tall, blond, blue-eyed, strong, capable, unhurt, a little silly in a hospital gown that was only just big enough and dressing gown. It was so hard to believe. It was like a dream, in fact, she had had this very dream many times.
“Hi, Peggy,” he said with a matching smile.
“Hello,” she said and stood up to leaned over. She kissed him on the cheek. He looked a little startled by the interaction. Was he hoping for more of a kiss or was he just always a little awkward? “It’s so good to see you up and about.”
He waved a hand. “I’m fine. They won’t release me and all I want is to go home.” He paused. “I guess my apartment is gone, though.”
“You’re a little late on the rent.”
“Still want to get outta here.”
“Trust me, I know the feeling. They have to be cautious.”
He sat down heavily. “They don’t know what to do with me and they’re keeping me in the dark. That’s what they’re doing. It’s been ten years—I know things have changed. I’m not an idiot.”
She returned to her seat too. “No one is saying that,” she said.
“I can see it. I see the new technology. All the nurses walk around with—what do they call them?—tablets. Everyone I know looks different. But Stark has them feeding me a bit of information every day.”
“Do I look different?” she asked.
He blushed a little. “‘Course. You’re still gorgeous.”
Peggy looked away for a moment. Her cheeks were hot, and she felt a few rogue tears. She told herself she wouldn’t cry, but, for a moment, it was hard not to mourn the life they might have had. She was happy. She had made a beautiful, rich life for herself and she wouldn’t change it for anything. But, it was impossible not to ask ‘what if?’
“You okay?” he asked.
She sighed and turned back to him. “Yes, but I’m feeling a little guilty. Howard is being careful, in part, because I asked him to. There are things I haven’t told you. Things that need to come from me first and I’ve been very selfish in keeping them from you.”
He sat up a little in his chair, bracing for the worst. Part of it would break his heart, part of it would make him happy. Or so she hoped.
She pulled out the photo again and slide it across the table. He picked it up and frowned as he studied it.
“The girl is Grace Rogers. She usually goes by Gracie or Peanut. She’s my daughter—our daughter.”
The frown disappeared to be replaced by shock. His gazed flicked to Peggy’s face and then back to the photo. “I have—what? How?” he breathed.
“I was pregnant when you…disappeared.” She had been on the verge of saying died instead of disappeared; it was what she was used to. “I didn’t know it and I was almost four months along when I found out. I had moved to New York where I knew no one. I was barely beginning to accept that you were gone and suddenly I was bringing our child into the world. It wasn’t easy, but she’s perfect. She’s so smart and sweet and so much like you, Steve. I see it every day.”
“I’m a father? I have a kid?”
“Yes, darling. I’m so sorry I kept it from you even these extra days. She asks about you all the time, but she knows that her father died before he even knew about her. You’re a legend to her.”
He didn’t answer but looked back at the picture.
“There’s something else,” Peggy continued. “The other woman is Angie. She’s my wife.”