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2024-07-03
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All I need

Summary:

An homage to one of the most beautiful scenes of Evangelion.

Work Text:

"Unit 00? Without a rifle?" asked Misato Katsuragi with surprise as the image of the Evangelion appeared in the screens of the command center. Not a second later, the giant robot started running at full speed towards the Tenth Angel. It was then when the purple-haired woman noticed the equally giant N2 land mine-armed missile it was carrying. Her eyes open wide.

"It can't be…" murmured an equally surprised Ritsuko Akagi.

"Rei! Stop!" the director of operations screamed over the intercom with obvious concern "Rei!"

The blue-haired girl, in an unusual behavior form her, paid the woman no attention. Instead, she willed her Eva Unit 00 to keep running forward with a determined look in her eyes. The Angel finally noticed her presence, turning to face the incoming danger that was closing in and deploying its AT field. Rei oriented the missile towards it, impacting the device squarely against the barrier.

"AT field, full power" the girl said with agitation in her voice. At the same time her Eva deployed its AT field, the missile it was carrying turned its engine on, exerting even more force forward. Despite this, the target's AT field remained unbroken.

Rei narrowed her eyes more. The pain coming from Unit 00's injuries was increasing, but she was not going to give up. She couldn't give up "If Ikari-kun won't pilot the Eva, I will… so he doesn't have to do it anymore..." she said with a determined voice, glancing for a second towards the SDAT music player firmly placed at her side on the entry plug's seat, the very same that the boy had thrown into the garbage just after quitting NERV and that she had picked up "So please…" she begged.

Despite her efforts, however, the Angel's AT field was starting to gain the advantage, pushing the missile back slowly but surely, much to the girl's disgust. Misato stared at the scene from the command center with a very worried expression "That Angel's AT Field can't be broken by a single Eva Unit…"

It was then when Unit 02, still gravely injured but operative, closed the distance with the target's AT field. A second later, its enormous jaw opened and closed its teeth against the barrier.

"Unit 02, this is your final task…" the pilot of the red Evangelion, Mari Illustrious Makinami managed to say between gritted teeth. The pain Unit 02 was making her feel was terrible, but she was not ready to go down just yet. Putting all her remaining strength into it, she willed the Eva to pull the Angel's AT field, finally managing to tear an opening on it.

Immediately, the missile that Unit 00 was carrying propelled forward, impacting against the Angel an instant later. Mari felt how her unit was pushed backwards, but not by the force of the upcoming explosion. In a quick motion, Unit 00 had managed to pull it by the shoulder increasing the distance that separated her from the target.

"Retreat, pilot of Unit 02…" Rei said to the girl through the intercom "...Thank you"

A huge explosion detonated in front of her not a second later. Several more passed afterwards, the smoke from the explosion making impossible for anyone there or in the command center to know if the offensive had proved effective. Eventually, though, said smoke dissipated, allowing them to see the ruinous state that Unit 00 had been reduced to. But that, unfortunately, was the least of their worries.

The ominous figure of the Angel revealed itself soon after, apparently unscathed from the explosion. It remained still for a moment, until its face contorted, giving way to a grotesque mouth that extended progressively in size rather quickly, so much that it was comparable to the size of Unit 00 in mere seconds. Then, its jaws opened, closing quickly around the Eva, engulfing it almost completely afterwards.

Evangelion Unit 00 was no more.


Darkness. That's all Rei Ayanami was able to see once she opened her eyes again. She looked around, confused, but the sight ahead of her didn't change regardless of the direction she stared at.

"Where am I…?" the First Child wondered silently. She seemed to be floating still in some sort of void deprived of light. After a couple more seconds, she glanced at herself and her eyes widened in surprise. Her whole body looked almost… ethereal. She had always been pale, but not to that extent. The girl stared at her hands, and then noticed the object she had been clutching unconsciously in her left hand until that point: Ikari-kun's SDAT music player. Why was the device with her there? The last time she had seen it was inside the entry plug of her unit while…

The blue-haired girl's eyes widened again. The Tenth Angel. The battle. Her last resort attempt at destroying the target with the land mine-armed missile. That's where she had been until a moment ago, she was sure of that. The explosion caused by the missile was still fresh in her memory, it was the last thing she remembered… before a blurry mess in front of her. But… if that was the case…

It then dawned on her. If that was the last thing she was able to remember, and she was in that… place now, did that mean that she was… dead? It seemed like the only logical conclusion. The girl felt an an emptiness in her chest as her expression turned sour, which confused her. That feeling… was that sadness? Why was she feeling sadness? She had no reason to feel that. She was replaceable, just one of the many clones that shared her DNA and were submerged inside LCL at Terminal Dogma. If she had, in fact, perished, then one of said clones would take her place, and Rei Ayanami would keep serving the needs of Project Eva, just as she had always done. That was… if she had actually managed to defeat the Angel. If her assumptions were true and the explosion from the missile had killed her, she hoped that the target had suffered the same fate as her… but she had no way of knowing if that was what had happened.

Rei stared at the SDAT music player in her hand again. If her assumptions were true, the presence of the device there was mysterious. However… she was not against it in the slightest. It was her keepsake of Ikari-kun, after all. If nothing else, it would at least help her to always remember him. The girl grasped the music player with both hands and brought it closer to her chest, holding it tightly against it while the memories started to flood her mind.

It was odd. When they initially met, Ikari-kun had not been of particular interest to her, much like most other people she knew. At some point, even, he had been obnoxious, like the time he spoke ill of Commander Ikari. But over time… her feelings towards him had changed drastically. Ikari-kun had proved to her that he… cared about her. More than any other person she had ever met, even the commander. He came to her aid after Operation Yashima, asking her to never say again that she had nothing else besides piloting the Eva. He had invited her to join him and his friends in their trip to the oceanic life reserve. He had starting cooking her a delicious meal for lunch every day. He showed her concern towards her well-being often. He treated her as an equal.

And all of that made her feel good. Even now, in that sightless void and with her body reduced to an ethereal copy of her previous one, thinking about him made her feel a... warmth in her chest like nothing else could. That's why, for some time, she had tried to find a way to reciprocate the care that Ikari-kun seemed to display towards her. She wanted him to feel as good about her as she did about him. That's why once she noticed the yearning that the boy had to have a closer bond with his father, the commander, she had managed to convince the man to assist to a social event alongside them, in hopes that this could make them closer to eachother. She had also meticulously and conscientiously tried her hand at learning how to cook, to be able to make a dinner for them that they could enjoy, partly in order to reciprocate the many ones that Ikari-kun had made for her. But unfortunately… things hadn't gone the way she had panned. The very same day that the dinner was scheduled for… the incident with Unit 03 happened. Ikari-kun had been forced to battle against the infected Eva, inside of which was still the Second Child, and once he refused to do so… Commander Ikari had ordered to use the Dummy System, making Unit 01 brutally assault the other one... severely wounding Pilot Shikinami in the process with Ikari-kun still in the entry plug of his Eva.

Rei hugged herself, remembering the unpleasant feelings that she experienced once she discovered that Ikari-kun had decided to quit NERV after that. She understood his reasoning, she already knew from him beforehand that he didn't like to pilot the Eva, so it was even more understandable that after being forced to harm someone he cared about in the process he would like to stop doing so for good, but… it still made her feel uneasy regardless. By quitting NERV, he would also stop being with her, being a part of her life. But she knew well that there was nothing she could do to change that. She was bound to NERV, she had to stay, piloting the Eva was still her purpose, no matter how much she liked being around him. That's why, after some time of reflection, Rei came to the conclusion that if Ikari-kun's wish was to never pilot the Eva again… she could at least contribute to that. If she was able to defeat the incoming angels herself, then there would be no need for Ikari-kun to suffer through it again, and then he could be happy wherever he would end up being, even if… even if he was apart from her.

The girl flexed her knees in front of her face and her arms hugged them afterwards in an almost fetal position, closing her eyes a second later. She had given her best trying to at least achieve that… and even then she had no way of being sure of if she had succeeded. For all she knew, the Tenth Angel could have survived her last resort attempt. All she could do was hope that she had, in fact, achieved her goal… and that her replacement kept doing her best so Ikari-kun never had to pilot the Eva again. There was nothing else for her anymore…

"Give me back… Ayanami!" a voice echoed around the void.

Rei opened her eyes wide. She could recognize that voice anywhere "Ikari-kun...?" she wondered silently while staring in all directions. Still, after several seconds all she could see was darkness. The girl's face contorted in a confused expression. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Had she actually heard Ikari-kun's voice? Suddenly, she felt a tremor shaking the void she was in, and immediately afterwards, a second one, this time even bigger. Her confusion increased. What was going on?

"I don't care what happens to me. I don't care what happens to the world either. But Ayanami… at least Ayanami… I will definitely save her!" the voice echoed through the void once again, followed by an even larger tremor.

Rei's confusion increased. This time around there were no doubts, that was Ikari-kun's voice. Why was she hearing his voice, and what was he talking about? Saving her? What did that meant? Was she… somehow in a place that she could be saved from? And how could even Ikari-kun attempt such a thing?

Then, another memory was able to flash through her mind. The blurred mess that appeared after the explosion of the missile she had used against the Tenth Angel gave away to a humongous jaw that surrounded her completely. It was clear now what happened: her attempt at defeating the Angel had failed, and the target had gotten rid of her by devouring her Unit. She was not only dead, but her soul had been assimilated by the creature. And now Ikari-kun was trying to somehow bring her back… which meant that he had came back… and was piloting the Eva again.

For her.

The blue-haired girl face contorted in a sorrow expression. She had failed to defeat the target, and now Ikari-kun had been forced to suffer through piloting the Eva again… and all because of her. She didn't deserve it. Not only had she been powerless enough to be able to defeat the target, but she was replaceable. Ikari-kun shouldn't have to put up with the suffering that piloting made him feel for her.

"Ayanami! Where are you?" Ikari-kun's voice said, this time sounding closer than the previous ones.

Rei's lip trembled. He was going through all that effort for her… and it was pointless. There was nothing he could do that could help her at that point "It's too late… I can't exist in any other place than here anymore" she murmured sadly, hoping that he could somehow hear her, the same way she was able to hear him.

"Ayanami...?" Ikari-kun said, a hint of both confusion and protest mixed in his voice. It was clear he had heard her.

"It's alright, Ikari-kun… even if I'm gone, I will be replaced" the girl murmured, her chest stinging as she pronounced the words.

"You're wrong! There is no other Ayanami but you!" Ikari-kun exclaimed. Rei gasped quietly. His voice sounded so determined, unlike she had ever heard from him before "And that's why I'm going to save you!"

The following couple of seconds were governed by silence, neither of them speaking. Then, she could hear a guttural cry coming from the boy, followed by several grunts. Rei's eyes widened once again. Was he... in pain? It dawned then on her that if she was inside the Angel and Ikari-kun was close by, that probably meant that he had to be battling against it at that moment. Had he received an injury? Her chest stung once again at the notion. Not only had she failed at achieving that Ikari-kun didn't have to pilot the Eva again, but he was also suffering physical pain on top of the emotional one in the process.

The grunts of Ikari-kun kept coming one after another. Rei closed her eyes again, resting her head in her knees. She felt miserable. The person she cared for the most was suffering again, and it was all because of her incompetence. She was useless.

"Ayanami!" exclaimed Ikari-kun's voice once again. This time, however, the voice had sounded much closer than before. Rei opened her eyes again, and she glanced towards what was above her. She gasped at the sight. He was there. Floating in what seemed to be some sort of blue light, the boy was there, his arms extended towards her as he kept slowly reducing the distance that separated them. Rei was utterly perplexed. How had Ikari-kun managed to infiltrate himself into… whatever that place was? She was reasonably sure that she was still inside the Angel.

He exclaimed her name again once he noticed her staring back at him, and then seemed to redouble his efforts in trying to get closer to her. All Rei could do was stare at him in utter disbelief. He had managed to somehow defy the laws of nature… to reach her. Why was he going into that much effort for her? Did he really care for her that much? She… she didn't deserve it…

After another excruciating grunt, Ikari-kun managed to reduce the distance between them further. He was so close now "Ayanami! Take my hand!" he exclaimed through gritted teeth, extending his right hand as close to her as he was able "Come on!"

Finally overcoming the stupefaction that the girl had been experimenting, she extended her own right hand towards his, still doubtfully. She knew she didn't deserve it, but… the least she could do was easing his effort, if only a little.

Ikari-kun's hand clutched hers firmly, and then he pulled. Rei left the void of darkness that she had been into until that point behind.

At first, she wasn't able to discern where she was a second later, a bright light blinding her sight for a moment. All she could feel was a pair of arms surrounding her back and pulling her into a tight embrace. Slowly but surely, her eyes accustomed to the new environment over the next few seconds, and then she could discern that she was floating around in a new void, only this time it was one with a more pleasant light blue color… and that Ikari-kun was the one hugging her.

Rei had never been embraced by anyone before. She had nothing else to compare what she was experimenting at that point, and even if she had, it was debatable if that could be considered a reasonable comparison considering her current non-physical state. But she knew one thing for sure… it felt good. Ikari-kun's arms were holding her tightly but gently at the same time, like she was precious to him. The warmth that often arose when he was around her ignited aflame in her chest.

Deep in her musings about how she was feeling at the moment, the girl was almost startled when Ikari-kun decided to speak "Ayanami… about what you tried to do about my father… thank you" he said in a soft voice. Those words finally brought back the girl to their situation. She had no right to be enjoying his embrace, to relish the warmth that he was providing her. She was a failure, and he had suffered because of it. She didn't deserve him, and yet... he was thanking her for her efforts.

"I don't deserve your gratitude… I wasn't able to bring you closer together" she said in almost a whisper "I'm sorry…"

"It's alright..." Ikari-kun replied, his voice letting a hint of melancholy be known. He rested his head on her shoulder, and tightened the embrace ever so slightly "This is all I need…" he whispered, sounding honest and content in equal measure.

Rei's eyes widened again. Did he really meant that? Was he really alright with just that? Being… with her, there, despite her failures at trying to make him happy? There had not been even a hint of doubt in his voice…

Rei felt the warmth in her chest increasing exponentially. He really didn't hold her failures against her whatsoever. How could he be so kind? She didn't deserve such kindness, but… if that's truly what he wanted, to be with her there… she would oblige. She brought her own arms around him, reciprocating the embrace, relishing in the wonderful feeling that this brought her. She couldn't think of any moment when she had felt happier. As she rested her head on his shoulder, she realized that perhaps Ikari-kun was right, even more than he thought.

Perhaps that was all they both needed.


The End


Author's notes: Welp, guess who decided to rewatch Rebuild 2.0 recently.

Honestly, even if I consider many of the choices that the Rebuild films take... questionable to say the least, I have to admit that the ending of 2.0 is probably one of the most beautiful scenes the franchise has to offer, even more so for someone who likes ReiShin as me. I hope you consider this little homage worthy of what that scene accomplishes.

Be as it may, as usual, thanks for reading to anyone who got this far. Wish you're having a wonderful day.

Take care!