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I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling. Why did I do that, why did I allow him to see me? Does he truly love me the way I love him? Looking to the side, I see him. His gorgeous dark hair peaking behind my arm. He’s snuggling into my side, my bare chest visible. I run a hand through his hair, trying not to cringe as my elbow brushes my breasts. He looks heavenly as he snores softly, his tan skin glowing as the light hits him.
As he slept, I reconstructed the events that occurred last night. Luke Kremo, is a guy who used to be popular back in high school. We go to the same college, he’s majoring in Music Theory while I’m a CompSci major. He approached me over a year ago, remembering me from our art class during our senior year. One thing led to another and a couple of beers in and his mouth was on mine. I never knew that The Luke Kremo was interested in men, let alone the loner, loser type like me. But, he never knew one crucial detail about me. I’m a transgender man.
About a month into our relationship, I told him that I was trans. His exact words to me, while I was on the verge of tears afraid he would kill me, were a simple, “I knew that already.” I don’t know how I was able to be loved so simply, by a cisgender man who, until now, I had thought was straight. During my breakdown, he comforted me, telling me that regardless of if I was a man or a woman, he’d love me for me. I don’t know how I did it. Now, I lay here with him, after we fucked. His body pressed against mine, my mouth on him as his hands roamed. Groping and kissing. He fucked me, his dick inside of my pussy.
His hands on my breasts like they were handles for him to use for support as he loved me. Every five or so minutes he leaned down and asked me if I was doing okay. I held down my tears as he told him, “Yes” before kissing him again. My body was weird and never really belonged to me, to have a man whose body was something I wanted for myself to love me. Love the body of mine that was so disgusting and broken and scarred. A deformed being like myself to feel love from a god. How did I get so lucky? Have the stars aligned allowing me to have my five minutes of affection, five minutes of love? Five minutes of me being seen as a man. A human male.
I wasn’t sure how long we lay there, his slumber with my thoughts. But after a while, a phone goes off and I jump. Luke leans over and turns the alarm off as he groggily rubs his eyes with a groan. I feel his eyes on me as I keep my eyes up at the ceiling. “Good morning, Fern.” He whispers into my side. I run my hand into his hair again, “Morning, Luke.” I feel him smile into my side as he shifts to look up at me. “Are you feeling okay? You seem…quiet.” I look away from him, too afraid to look into his green and blue eyes. Too afraid to voice my concerns. Too afraid to learn he truly thinks differently of me.
“Fern? Fernando, baby, are you okay?” His hand lay on my cheek. I finally look at him. His chin was on my chest, between my boobs. He didn’t even look at them, his eyes on me instead of my body, trying to understand what was happening in my head. I nuzzle his hand as I look into his eyes, finally giving in to my desire to stare at those gorgeous bi-colored eyes. A hum escaped my throat as I closed my eyes, “Luke,” I started, my throat going dry immediately, “Do you love me?” I couldn’t see his face, but I imagined him making that stupid face he made before laughing. Because that's what he did, laugh. He laughed at me, laughing as he took his hand off my cheek. Did I say something wrong? Was I stupid in believing that someone could bed me and get the opposite choice they’d been winding up to even though he knew? Did he actually care? Was he now disgusted with me?
“Fern, I was fucking you into oblivion last night. Of course, I love you!” I opened my eyes, being greeted by his smile. “We’ve been dating for three months now, sex is the closest you can be with someone emotionally. To me at least. So yes, Fernando Young, I love you very much.” A knot was growing in my chest. My vision blurred as I let tears stream down my face, his mouth was to my eyes instantly.
Kissing away any tears that crossed his path as he cooed at me. I sniffled and looked at him, despite the blur in my eyes, “Do you mean it? Even with how my body looks?” Luke kissed below my eye, wiping tears away. “You’re body is part of you and I love you. Every single bit.” He whispered against my cheek, his warm breath sending an odd chill down my spine. It was so strange, was this even real? Was Luke Kremo a fiction of my imagination? There’s no way a man, a cisgender man, could love a false male like me. A had breasts and a vagina and would bleed from that damn slit between my legs every month. Just like a woman. Luke was bisexual, maybe he didn’t care because of that.
“Do you love me as a man, Luke?” I whisper after a bit more crying. He smiles at me and wraps his arms around my waist, his cock brushed my leg, and he was half hard. “You made me more confident in my sexuality, Fern. You’re the first man I’ve ever dated.” He kissed my neck. “I always had a crush on you, back in high school. Your paintings captivated me. They made me think highly of you.” I look at him, his head laying on one of my boobs but his eyes were still on me. “You were the first man I fell in love with. During then, I didn’t know you were trans either. I just knew you were a cute-looking guy and I wanted you to kiss me and hold my hand. You know I’m a sappy romantic.
“When I saw you on campus last year I knew I had to make a move. I wasn’t sure if I was gay or bisexual either, just a guy in love. When you asked me out, god, I was so excited.” He nuzzled my chest, “When you you me you were trans, I had already suspected that. Your voice had deepened way too quickly in 2 years for you to have been just now hitting puberty. I had also heard about the gym fiasco back during our sophomore year, didn’t know it was you back then though. You make me complete, Fern. Like a puzzle and you were the piece I was missing in my life.” Luke smiled at me as I rolled my eyes at his cheesy comment. “Does that calm your worries about me seeing you differently now that I know what you look like naked?”
I dwelled on his explanation. Bidding farewell to my confident facade despite the tears drying on my face. A large frown covered my face, “Are you bisexual?” Luke hummed softly, “Maybe, I dated Stacy up until she cheated on me. About five months before I saw you. I thought we were going well.” Luke paused to close his eyes, perhaps remembering his time with Stacy. She was a sweet girl from what I could remember, never imagined she would cheat on someone like Luke though. “I’m more bi-curious now than anything though. Leaning towards gay, but I’ll stick with queer for now.” He nodded at his own statement, my chest moving with him.
I cringed and tried to change our position. Currently, I was on my back as he lay on top of me. His head rested on one of my tits as he straddled my thigh. He grunted as my thigh brushed his slowly hardening cock. “Sorry,” I whispered as he giggled. He sat up, his eyes raking over my form. “Don’t apologize, you’re the one making me feel all warm down there.” He emphasized his point by grinding down on my thigh. I let out a groan myself before holding him still, “I’m still talking to you, calm your dick for ten minutes, babe.” Luke pouted but kept his hips still.
I took his hand in mine, and his smile widened. “So, you love me as a man and always have? Even when I told you I’m trans?” Luke nodded at me so quickly it looked like his head would fly away. “Like I said, you’re art captivated me. I wanted to get closer to you but I don’t think you liked me pestering you all the time so I stopped.” I stared up at him. I did recall vaguely when Luke and I were in art 4 and he was always trying to talk to me. I remember sketching him while he rambled and ranted to me, but I never gave him the drawing. Too embarrassed to show him.
I ran my hands up to his chest, running my hands over his smooth chest and stomach. “I drew you once. It made me think about how you never did anything during class but talk to me.” I smiled softly, “I missed it when you stopped talking to me, I wasn’t friends with anyone senior year since they had graduated the year before.” Luke gasped at my confession and leaned to place doglike slobbery kisses on my lips. “Oh, that sounds like a marriage proposal! I accept, yes! I will marry you, Fernando!” He teased as he kissed me again. I laughed as he licked my face. I grabbed him and planted a kiss to his lips and forehead, “Calm down now, you’re getting my face wet!” We both laughed and he nestled his head on my neck.
A smile etched across my face, “Luke, do you like my body?” He bit my neck playfully and growled like he was a dog. “You are so stubborn! Yes, for what I love is you, Fernando Young.” He gave me a dopey smile. The one were his eyes droop slightly and his teeth peak behind his lips. I blush and push a hand in his face, making him wail in surprise. “You make me feel weird,” I whisper to him, “Thank you.” I feel Luke smile against my hand as he kisses my palm. He didn’t respond so we laid there in a lovely silence.