Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

SpongeBob was stressed. That was the first thing Patrick noticed as he walked into the pineapple house his best friend resided in. SpongeBob was pacing back and forth in front of his TV and chewing at his nails, which were already reduced to nubs.

“SpongeBob?” Patrick asked, trying to get his friend’s attention.

“Oh!” SpongeBob acclaimed while he stopped pacing to look at his best friend. “Sorry Patrick, I must’ve not heard you knock.” He laughed a bit awkwardly.

Patrick stepped further into the house, closing the door behind him. “Oh, I didn’t knock. I thought you’d just be watching TV by now.”

SpongeBob sat down in his chair, picking up the remote and turning on the television.

“I just got home from work, there was a customer who came in right at closing time.” 

As SpongeBob spoke, he started to get more visibly anxious, glancing at the door as if waiting for someone to come in.

Patrick knew that something was off. SpongeBob got nervous very frequently, but this was seeming to border on paranoid. Patrick walked towards the couch and sat down. He was looking at the TV but not paying attention to whatever program SpongeBob had turned on. Growing uncomfortable when neither aquatic specimen filled the silence, Patrick decided to ask SpongeBob the question plaguing his mind.

“Hey SpongeBob, is something wrong?” The silence stretched on. SpongeBob seemed to be ignoring Patrick’s question in favor of staring at the wall.

“SpongeBob? You know you can tell me anything, right?” Patrick tried again when the silence had gotten too uncomfortable for him.

After the words had left Patrick’s mouth, SpongeBob stood up from his chair with a sigh. “I’m gonna feed Gary.”

Gary. Patrick was confused for a minute before understanding came rushing over him.

“Wait, what do you mean you’re gonna feed Gary?” SpongeBob stopped walking mid stride, turning towards Patrick before saying “He’s hungry, I have to feed him.” He continued towards the kitchen like that was a completely normal statement, like that sentence hadn’t made Patrick go as pale as his skeleton.

After taking a moment to compose himself, Patrick got up and followed SpongeBob into the kitchen. Patrick walked into a scene that broke his heart into a million tiny pieces like an expensive piece of china.

SpongeBob was standing with Gary’s food bowl in hand, sobbing uncontrollably. Patrick walked over to his friend, patting his back and taking the bowl from his hands to set it down, he said “It’s going to be okay SpongeBob, why don’t we just eat some second dinner and some popcorn and some ice cream and watch Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?” At his words SpongeBob started crying harder. “Gary loved second dinner and popcorn and ice cream and Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!”

Patrick didn’t know the details of what had happened to Gary, he only knew that SpongeBob had taken him out on a walk, and when SpongeBob came home, he was alone. 

“Why don’t you calm down and go sit in your chair while I make dinner.” 

Sniffling, SpongeBob complied and went into the living room. Patrick walked over to the freezer and opened it, fishing out the ice cream, he grabbed two full containers and then two spoons.

When Patrick walked into the living room, he handed a container and spoon to a red nosed and puffy-eyed SpongeBob and sat on the part of the couch closest to SpongeBob’s chair.

Neither of them spoke, the only noise filling the room was the re-run of the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy live action movie and the spoons scraping against the ice cream. 

After sitting in the comfortable silence for nearly thirty minutes, SpongeBob spoke to Patrick while still staring at the TV. “You should leave, Patrick.” The words came out scratchy and slightly choked. At Patrick’s noise of confusion, SpongeBob turned and looked him in the eyes.

“You need to leave. They’ll be here any minute, and I can’t lose you too.” His words only confused Patrick more, making him question who ‘they’ was and why Patrick shouldn’t be there when they arrived.

He didn’t want to leave. Patrick had been SpongeBob’s best friend for years, and his actions recently had made Patrick scared for his friend’s health. Ever since Gary had disappeared nearly three months ago, SpongeBob had started retreating into himself. He never went on walks, except for when he needed to go to work, and even then he had stopped chanting ‘I’m ready!’ while on his way. He hasn’t done karate with Sandy, Patrick doesn’t think SpongeBob has even talked to any of their other friends outside of work in those three months. 

Whether it was out of his loyalty to SpongeBob or his worry for him Patrick didn’t know, all he knew was that he would not leave SpongeBob alone that night.

“I’m not leaving, SpongeBob.”

SpongeBob stood up, dropping his half-empty container of ice cream and his spoon on the floor. 

“You have to Patrick!” SpongeBob exclaimed desperately, walking over to Patrick and pulling on his hand in an attempt to make him stand up. Despite SpongeBob’s insistence, Patrick stayed seated. He set aside his empty container, looked Spongebob in the eyes, and said, “I’m not leaving until you tell me why you want me to.”

“Because they’re coming!” SpongeBob cried out, tugging harder on his friend’s arm.

“Who’s they?” Patrick asked, pulling his arm out of SpongeBob’s grasp.

“King Neptune’s knights!” SpongeBob was crying again, rubbing at the tears falling from his eyes.

Once again, Patrick was confused. “Why would King Neptune’s knights come here?”

“Because King Neptune wants me to be his personal chef! When I took Gary out on a walk one day, I was ambushed by a group of his knights. They took Gary from me and told me that Neptune wants me to cook for him and his castle, and that if I refused they’d kill him!” SpongeBob gave up on wiping away his tears and he started to inflate slightly as his sponginess soaked them up.

“Then why are you here right now and not at his castle?” Patrick asked, thoroughly confused by this entire situation.

“They gave me a deadline. They said I had three months to say my goodbyes and then I had to go with them.” SpongeBob explained, glancing towards the door nervously. 

Patrick opened his mouth to speak. He didn’t know what he was going to say, he never knew half the time, but it was probably to ask another question, like ‘why would King Neptune want you to be his chef’ or ‘is Gary still alive’ but what probably would have came out was ‘why didn’t you tell me sooner, when there was more time’ but he didn’t get to ask anything before there was a singular loud knock on the door.

SpongeBob just stood still, staring at the door like it was trying to bite him. Patrick stood up next to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

After a quick second of silence, there was a shout from behind the door.

“Open the door! Your time is up, and King Neptune wants you to cook for the feast this weekend!” 

SpongeBob still didn’t move, he just stared with wide-eyes, moving between Patrick and where the voice came from. Suddenly, there was a loud bang from the door followed by another, and then the door collapsed. A cloud of sand flew up from where it fell, and then several mermaid knights filed in through the doorway, one after the other. 

SpongeBob was shaking now, Patrick could feel it from where his hand rested on his shoulder. The mermaids seemed confused by his presence, but that confusion only gave them another second before they were closing in on him and SpongeBob. Patrick started to fight them off, punching their arms and kicking at their tails, but it was all in vain. 

He couldn’t see SpongeBob through all the commotion, but he heard when one of the knights exclaimed “Got the sponge!”.

Patrick’s blood ran cold, and he felt helpless. He couldn’t save SpongeBob and he couldn’t save himself. Useless, his mind screamed at him repeatedly, chanting that word until he felt the dull side of a trident slam down on his head. Suddenly, he felt nothing at all as darkness overtook his vision, and any hope of saving his best friend vanished.

Chapter Text

SpongeBob slowly blinked himself awake, confused by the unfamiliar decorations surrounding him. After stretching out his spongey limbs and sitting up, the events of last night came rushing back to him. At least, he thought it was last night by the light coming in through the red curtains on the windows.

He didn’t know how much time had passed. Had he been asleep for a few hours? Days? Weeks? He cut off that train of thought, taking in the room he awoke in.

The queen-sized bed he was on had a fancy wooden frame with waves carved into the sides. The bedding was red and yellow with matching pillowcases and a matching rug lying on the floor. The walls were blue and decorated with various paintings of King Neptune. There was only one window in the room to the right of the bed, and he could see that it needed a key to be unlocked.

SpongeBob stood from the bed and walked toward the door. He turned the doorknob, disappointed when it refused to open. It was a prison cell. A fancy and comfortable one, but a prison cell nonetheless.

He started to chew his nails and walk back and forth, his mind racing in pace with his heart. 

He couldn’t open the door, but he hadn’t yet tried the window. Maybe it wasn’t locked, maybe it would open and he could escape?

SpongeBob walked over to the window, his plan foiled before he’d even tried to open it. He wasn’t sure what level of floor he was on, but it was too high to jump from without breaking every bone in his body and dying on impact. He tried the window anyway and found that it was unlocked. 

Maybe he could tie the sheets together and get down? He’d seen that in a movie once and it had worked, maybe it would transfer to real life?

After he had tied all the sheets together, he had hit a roadblock. It wasn’t long enough to make the fall non-lethal, and he had nothing to tie the end to. Maybe if he used the curtains to make it longer and hauled the bed over to tie it to?

He was interrupted in his planning by knocking on the door. He immediately put the string of sheets under the bed and closed the window to avoid being caught attempting to escape.

The knocking ceased and was replaced with a high-pitched voice, “King Neptune requests your presence immediately! I’m going to open the door and take you to King Neptune’s throne room.”

There was the sound of keys jingling, then SpongeBob heard the lock of the door click. When the door swung open it revealed a mail mermaid on the other side, dressed like a servant with a mustache to rival a stereotypical French man.

“Come with me, sponge.” The mustached mermaid ordered, gesturing behind his shoulder with a hand and turning around.

“What does King Neptune want?” SpongeBob asked, following his guide after a brief moment of hesitation. He knew the King wanted a chef, but SpongeBob had assumed he would just be stuck in a kitchen and told to make food. He hadn’t expected King Neptune to want an audience with him.

“I do not stick my nose into the business of the King.” The servant replied, sounding put-out.

They walked in silence, SpongeBob taking in the endless, winding hallways decorated with red carpet and the occasional knight standing guard. Blue walls were decorated with more paintings of King Neptune and mounted golden tridents.

They stopped when they reached a large wooden door that towered over the sponge. It seemed to be mocking him, saying ‘look at the little sponge, so small and weak’.

He certainly felt weak as the doors opened, revealing two guards that blocked his sight of the room ahead. When the guards stepped aside to let him in, his breath stuttered as he looked at the room ahead.

King Neptune was resting on a large golden throne, trident in hand and crown laying on his head. He looked bored as he fiddled with one of the rings decorating his fingers, only looking up when the mustached mermaid had led SpongeBob by the elbow, stopping right in front of the throne.

“Well well well.” The king said, like a stereotypical villain.

“Is this SpongeBob SquarePants?” He asked, taking in the sponge-like creature and his square pants.

“Yes, King Neptune.” The servant replied.

“Good.” 

There was silence for a moment, before SpongeBob broke it, asking, “Where’s Gary?”

“The snail?” King Neptune asked. At SpongeBob’s confirming nod, he answered the question.

“In the dungeons. He is alive, and will stay alive, as long as you perform your duties to my standards.”

“What duties?” 

“Cooking, obviously.” King Neptune replied flippantly.

“Now, get him out of my sight.” With those words, one of the guards grabbed SpongeBob’s arm and pulled him towards the door.

“Wait!” He shouted, looking at King Neptune. “Why do you want me to cook for you? Don’t you have a chef already?”

“Your boss, Krabs, owes me a debt, and refuses to pay me back. Plus, my chef recently died. I had him beheaded for his inability to use the correct amount of pickles necessary on a sandwich.”

SpongeBob felt hopeless as he allowed the guard to drag him away. He didn’t know if he would ever see his friends or family again.

His friends. Patrick. Patrick was with him when the guards kidnapped him! He felt a surge of worry for his friend as the door to his neatly decorated cell closed, locking him inside.

-

Patrick awoke to a massive headache. He sat up, putting a hand to his throbbing head and looked around. He was still lying on the floor of SpongeBob’s living room, except the room was a mess. The TV was on its side and the screen was busted, the couch had been ripped open and stuffing spilled out, SpongeBob’s chair was somehow upside down, and every decoration that was on the wall now lay broken on the floor.

He didn’t know what to do, so he just sat there for a minute, staring at the door that had been broken off its hinges. 

Suddenly, he was hit with an idea. Squidward! Surely he’d know what to do when your best friend was taken by a crazy tyrant!

With a newfound hope, Patrick stood from the floor and went over to his neighbors door. After knocking on the door and receiving no answer, he rang the doorbell. He waited a minute before ringing again.

Maybe he wasn’t home? That wasn’t right though, there was a light on. Maybe he left it on accidentally? He had to be sure, so he started ringing the doorbell repeatedly.

He stopped when the door suddenly swung open, revealing a tired looking squidward with dark circles under his eyes and still dressed in his pink pajamas.

“What could you possibly want at six o’ clock in the morning?” Squidward asked, seething with anger.

“SpongeBob’s been taken!” Patrick shouted, throwing his arms in the air.

“Taken by who? The idiot police?” Squidward laughed.

“No! King Neptune!” 

Squidward stared at Patrick as if he had two heads.

“Why would King Neptune take SpongeBob?”

“Because he wanted SpongeBob to cook for him!”

“… To cook for him?” Squidward asked, suspicion heavily lacing his tone.

“Yes!” Patrick replied, exasperated. “That’s what I just said!”

“Is this a prank?” Squidward lifted an eyebrow at him.

“No! Knights came and took SpongeBob last night. I tried to stop them, but they knocked me out!” Patrick felt tears fill his eyes as he remembered how he had failed his friend.

“Is that what that noise was.” Squidward said. It came out as more of a statement than a question, like he was starting to believe what Patrick was telling him. 

If this was true, and SpongeBob had been taken by King Neptune’s knights, then SpongeBob could be in trouble. Squidward had never been particularly close or kind to his neighbor, so he was surprised when he felt a sense of urgency wash over him as he realized the danger he could be in.

“Well then, what do we do?” Squidward asked.

Patrick just stood there for a second, staring at Squidward before he replied.

“Well, that’s what I came to you for. Guidance.” He punctuated his last word with jazz hands. Well, as close to jazz hands as he could get without fingers.

Squidward sighed, sliding a tentacle down his face as he thought about what the next step would be to saving a person from a powerful tyrant. 

He paused for a second with his tentacle on his face, then asked “Do you know where they took him?”

“I dunno really, probably the castle.” Patrick replied, looking defeated.

‘Okay,’ Squidward thought, ‘I can deal with that.’

“Well then, first, we’re gonna need to get some more help.”

Patrick nodded, then said, “I know exactly who to ask.”

Chapter Text

Patrick opened the door to the tree dome with his water bowl placed firmly around his head.

“Sandy!” He called out.

He didn’t see the squirrel, but he knew she had to be around, otherwise the door to the tree dome wouldn’t have been unlocked.

“Sandy?” He tried again.

“I’m coming down!” Sandy Cheeks, one of Patrick’s closest friends, second only to SpongeBob, yelled, sticking her head out from a window in the trunk of the tree.

After Sandy had made Patrick sit down at her picnic table, he started to think about how he was going to tell her about SpongeBob. He didn’t want to tell her the way he did Squidward, just jumping right into it seemed like a bad way to tell someone about something like this.

Patrick took a deep breath, then said “I have something I have to tell you, Sandy. I didn’t come here just to talk, I actually need your help.”

She looked at him inquisitively, “Patrick, is something the matter? You didn’t eat old mayonnaise again, did’ya?”

That had not been a fun experience. He puked over a dozen times after eating an entire jaw of mayonnaise that had been left out in the sun.

“No, I’m fine. Actually, it’s about SpongeBob.” He started fidgeting with the end of the red and white checkered tablecloth, refusing to meet Sandy’s gaze. He couldn’t shake the feeling that it had been his fault SpongeBob was kidnapped.

“What about SpongeBob?” Sandy asked.

“He…” Patrick paused, then decided there was no way to really ease her into it. 

“He’s been taken.”

“Taken?” Sandy asked, eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

Surprise, which meant she believed him. That was a relief. He had to talk Squidward into believing him fully, and he didn’t want to have to do that with Sandy.

“King Neptune took him.” Patrick explained the events that had happened only last night. 

Sandy looked down at the table, brows furrowed in concentration.

“You say they took him to the castle?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Patrick replied.

“What’s the plan, then?”

“The plan?” Patrick asked in confusion.

“Well, we’re not gonna leave ‘em there! What’s the plan to get SpongeBob back?”

“Uh, that’s what you’re for. To make a plan.”

Sandy sighed. “Okay then. We’re gonna need more man-power.”

“Squidward is working on that right now. He said he’d get Mr. Krabs to join us.” Patrick explained.

“Squidward is gonna help save SpongeBob?” Sandy asked in surprise.

“Uh huh” Patrick affirmed. 

“Well I’ll be darned.” Sandy muttered under her breath.

Patrick understood why she was shocked by Squidward’s help. Squidward had always been cold towards SpongeBob and him. Although Patrick would never admit it, he’d slightly enjoyed annoying his tentacled neighbor. He felt a little remorseful now after Squidward’s willingness to help.

“What’s next?” Patrick asked Sandy. He was getting slightly anxious, just sitting around while SpongeBob could be in danger.

“You need to get Squidward and Mr. Krabs over here. I’m gonna get a layout of the castle and see what we can do for some protection.”

“Protection?” Patrick asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Just in case.” Sandy said, standing up. Patrick stood with her, stepping away from the picnic table.

“I’m gonna need a day before I have something ready.” Sandy said over her shoulder as she walked towards the base of the tree.

Patrick nodded. “Thank you, Sandy.”

“We’ll get ‘em back, Patrick.” She smiled at him before she closed the door to the tree.

Sandy seemed confident in that statement. Patrick wished that it comforted him, but it only seemed to make him worry more. He left the tree dome with different ‘what ifs’ running through his brain.

-

“I’m going to kill Mr. Krabs.” Squidward thought, staring at the crab with anger in his eyes.

After Squidward had made his way to the anchor-house, he knocked on the door, and when that went unanswered, he rang the doorbell. He stood outside for nearly fifteen minutes. Eventually, the door was opened by his daughter, Pearl. Upon seeing the squid, she yelled “Daddy! It's for you!” and proceeded to stomp away into the house.

Mr. Krabs came to the doorway, and after he’d gotten all his complaints out, like “Can’t a crab take a day off anymore?” and “All these younger generations, thinking everyone owes them their time.” he invited Squidward inside.

After he had explained the situation regarding SpongeBob and his kidnapping, Mr. Krabs had told him about his debt towards King Neptune.

“Ay, this may be my fault. I owe Neptune a large sum of money after a poker game. I’d been winnin’ ‘course, but then I got a bit too cocky, and lost it all. ‘Course, i refused to give up me winnings, I’d earned ‘em! He’d said he’d take me money one way or ‘nother, and I ‘spose he took SpongeBob as payment.”

That was how all of Squidward’s respect towards his employer, if he had any in the first place, promptly vanished.

“You took money from King Neptune!” Squidward yelled indignantly. He was angry at Mr. Krabs for letting his greed get in the way of SpongeBob’s safety.

“Only what I was owed!” Eugene defended.

“SpongeBob could be dead because of you.” At those words, Krabs sunk down into his couch and put his head in his claws.

“I know, I know. Oh, what am I gonna do? I can’t lose the little guy!” He exclaimed. 

“Why don’t you pay back King Neptune?”

Squidward was horrified to notice Krabs’ eyes getting wet with tears. He was never good at comforting people. Although, he didn’t feel Krabs really deserved comfort at the moment.

“I can’t!” Mr. Krabs whined, “I lost all me money! It was stolen by somebody, and now we’ll never get SpongeBob back.”

“Now, hold on a minute, we can still get him back. I’m sure of it.”

“How?” Eugene asked, tears vanishing from his eyes. Squidward felt immensely relieved at the lack of crying.

“Patrick is working on a plan. We’re supposed to meet him at Sandy’s tree dome.” Squidward replied.

“Er,” Mr. Krabs started, “not to be offensive, ‘course, but is Patrick the best one to be making plans?”

“He’s perfectly capable.” Squidward stated in defense of the starfish. “Also, Sandy is going to do most of the planning.” He only muttered the last part, but Mr. Krabs seemed to hear it.

“So, we’re going to break into the King’s castle and steal a sponge?”

“I suppose so, yes.” Squidward answered.

“Alright then, we should-“ the rest of Krabs’ sentence was cut off by Pearl bounding into the room.

“Daddy, Daddy!” She exclaimed. “I wanna go to a castle!”

Mr. Krabs stood up from the couch and extended his claws out placatingly.

“This is going to be dangerous, Pearl. You really should stay home. Or, maybe go out with some of your gal-pals, huh?” Despite his attempts at persuading her, she was insistent on going.

“I’m going to go to a castle!” She said in a sing-song voice, running upstairs.

“Ay, what am I gonna do?” Krabs sighed in exasperation.

“Kids.” Squidward stated blandly.

-

A day later, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Pearl, Patrick and Sandy all stood around a circular table in the tree in the tree dome. On the table rested a large map of the layout of the castle.

The plan so far was that Squidward, Patrick, and Krabs would dress as guards to sneak inside the castle while Pearl caused a distraction. Sandy would be on the lookout for any trouble while they snuck inside.

Currently, Krabs was arguing with Sandy about Pearl being a distraction, scared for his daughter's safety.

“Nothing will happen to Pearl, I’ll be looking out for her!”

After a heated back-and-forth debate, Krabs relented, much to Sandy’s relief and Pearl’s amusement.

“Not to burst everyone’s bubble, but how are we gonna pass as mermaids?” Squidward asked, annoyance lacing his tone.

“That’s what I’ve got these for.” Sandy grinned, pulling out a fake mermaid tail from a box and passing it to Squidward.

“You’ll wear these and the knight gear.” She stated, pulling out the rest of the costumes. “Just don’t act suspicious and you won’t get caught.”

Squidward looked at the costumes with clear distaste.

“If you say so.”

”Aren't we gonna need tridents?” Patrick asked.

“Yup!” Sandy said, pulling out three tridents from under the table. “And I got ‘em right here!”

“And this is for me.” She took a gun down from a shelf behind her.

At everyone’s stunned looks, she said “Don’t worry, they’re not real bullets. It shoots little syringes that’ll knock ‘em unconscious.”

After they finished smoothing out the rest of their plan, Patrick was starting to feel more hopeful.

“We’re gonna get SpongeBob back!” Patrick shouted joyfully.

“Ay,” Krabs started, “that we will, lad, that we will.”