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Every time that Poe flew with his mother he remembered looking at the two pictures taped to her console. One of him and one of his father. He remembered asking his mother why she had taped them there. “It’s so I can always see why I have to come home.”
Poe didn’t understand exactly when he was little. He just thought it was awesome that his mom had a photo of him when she was off saving the galaxy.
Poe knew it wasn’t exactly the same when he taped in the photo of his parents to the console of his x-wing starfighter. He didn’t need a reason to come home. Every time that he flew a mission he knew that it could be his last, and that never stopped him. He didn’t join the Resistance to have a long life. He joined the Resistance to make a legacy.
He wanted to make his parents proud. He wouldn’t let their legacy die. Everything they fought for meant something, and he was out to prove it.
The photo was slightly faded, but he could still clearly see their faces. It was taken shortly after they had moved to Yavin 4. His mother was smiling one of those real smiles in it. The ones where your smile can be seen in your eyes. Her dark, curly hair was flying in the wind. His father looked strong, and proud. It was the last photo that Poe had of the two of them.
That was until the fighter was destroyed on Jakku.
He figured that it was fitting that he lost her photo in flames. She never went down without a fight.
Every time he flew, his eyes darted to where the photo would have been. There was just an empty patch of metal, but he felt himself looking at it occasionally.
At night he had sketched the best he could of his parents from memory. He knew that it wasn’t a perfect image and that he most likely didn’t remember their faces exactly. He couldn’t remember the exact shape of his father’s jaw, but it felt right. He looked strong in the sketch. They looked proud in that sketch. He hoped that he was making them proud.
Sometimes while Finn was telling him stories he sketch him. His face was also so expressive and he wanted to capture each one of his emotions. He never wanted there to be a time where he couldn’t remember what it looked like when Finn was laughing, or even just what he looked like asleep.
Poe taped his favorite sketch of Finn laughing next to the one of his parents. When he was on a mission his eyes would occasionally dart away and see the two pictures. There was comfort in knowing that he wasn’t just looking at his past anymore. There was a future. Or at least he hoped that there was a future with Finn.
They never spoke about the future. They never talked about what might happen after the fighting. They never talked about the nights they spent together. Everything was in the moment.
There were no discussions about whatever they had become. Poe knew what it was for him, but he didn’t know what it meant to Finn. It felt like he was a teenager again trying to sort out what everything meant. It was exhausting, and he didn’t want to bring it up. It felt childish.
Poe used that to justify why he never told Finn about the picture he taped to the console.
Poe was so used to the image that he didn’t even think about it as he walked outside with Finn. He had been delegated to duty at the base until medical cleared him. His back was practically healed, but they didn’t want to risk it.
Poe noticed how anxious Finn was getting around the base. He wanted to help in ways other than just strategizing and giving information on the First Order. Every time Poe left for a mission Finn waved him off, but it was obvious that he wanted to fight. Finn always said that it was the one thing that he was good at.
Poe had decided that he might not technically be able to leave, but he could at least show him how to fly so he’d be prepared the moment he was cleared. This obviously wasn’t cleared through the General, but he figured that she’d be understanding.
The two approached Poe’s x-wing. Poe motioned at it telling Finn to climb inside. He was going to explain all of the parts inside today; just the simple stuff. It was the first lesson and Poe couldn’t wait to start explaining everything. He was so excited that he felt that he might burst.
“Uh, Poe, what is this?” Finn asked as he settled in the cockpit.
“What is what?” Poe asked. He looked down into the cockpit and saw Finn pointing at the sketches taped to the console. His heart skipped a beat and he felt his stomach drop. He normally knew how to talk his way out of any situation but he couldn’t seem to find the exact words at this moment.
“Just something, you know,” Poe started not sure how to complete the rest of the sentence.
“Did you draw these?” Finn asked looking at the sketches closer. “Who are they?”
“My parents. And yeah, I drew them.”
Finn smiled at Poe. It was his favorite sight in the entire world. He made a mental note that he would have to try to sketch him smiling again. He just never seemed to get it perfectly right.
“Why are they here?”
Poe shrugged his shoulders. Looking down at the ground he awkwardly ran his hand through his hair. “My mom always said you needed a reminder of why you had to come home.”
Poe glanced at Finn hoping to read his reaction. For a moment it seemed that there wasn’t any. He was a blank slate. His felt his stomach sinking further as he began to panic. This was going to be the moment where Finn told him that all of the time together didn’t really mean anything. That it was just a way to pass the time until Rey came back, or just a distraction from everything that is happening.
He was looking at the sketch when he turned towards Poe. “You’re telling me that the best pilot in the Resistance thinks about coming back to see me while he’s risking his life?”
“Something like that,” Poe managed.
“Good to know. He should know that I’m worried for him until he comes back.”
“I always come back.”
“Keep it that way,” Finn smiled.
There was a silence. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. In fact it was the opposite. It was as if everything was being said in that silence. Poe realized that they might not have talked about their future, but Poe knew that he was looking at it.