Chapter Text
Interlude
That town was the sort of place that no change in weather dared to show up in the cold months, the infinite downpour and cycle of grey skies only broken by night. There were no seasons to look forward to, only winter to dread.
Summer was never any better, if the humidity didn’t kill you, the bleakness would. Thats the joys of living in a small town with a stupid name that’s probably 400 miles northwest of some big out of reach city where they actually set movies in. But not here, no one cares about smallsville or littlesburg or nowherestown.
If you were lucky enough to be there, or bored enough to wait, the sky would turn a confident shade of indigo in August evenings, sometimes July too, like the eyeshadow of an 80s rockstar was crushed all together and blown into the air.
I don’t know why I never left, the only thing pulling me back was the gravity of belonging. A belonging that never suited me. Because I really could’ve left, if I had really wanted to. I just found comfort in chain smoking on the old firewatch and my other rituals. Its tall sides occasionally teased me with the promise of release but I usually never listened. To me that place was my own.
Chapter 1
I took one last drag of my cigarette before putting it out on my sweater sleeve. I shouldn’t be smoking in Dina’s top, but I don’t think I’ll have the chance to give it back anymore. It smells of her and I hate that, but I don’t want to go home and change so I light up another in an attempt to mask its floral scent.
One more summer left, I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’d be surprised if the next school year could be worse than this, but then again, a lot of things have surprised me lately. My feet scuffed the film of dust which covered the stair’s surface. I had one feeling on my mind, and I knew that the whiskey in my father’s old beaten cabinet was the cure. Just the same as all the rest of his valuable possessions, it was in the basement. I don’t like it down there, it feels haunted. Not because he shot himself down there, well kind of, but it’s haunted by his memory too.
I listen to the scrawny twiglets snap beneath my yellow-white sneakers, they’re my least favourite pair because they’re too small, but my others are still drying on the windowsill from when Liam never brought them in from the porch and the neighbour’s dog took a nice long piss on them. I usually like dogs, but I can see behind that one’s soulless eyes that he is truly an evil being, and he definitely did it on purpose I can tell. Thank god he only has little stubby legs, because if they were any longer I know he would’ve made it to my bedroom window and murdered me in my sleep by now.
The door clicks open despite the lengths I took to cushion it, but Mom is already waiting for me.
“Aren’t you on shift covering for-“
“Where have you been?”
The coldness of her tone contrasts with the quiet of her voice. She doesn’t acknowledge the musk of tobacco about me but I know she can smell it- instead she pushes me one handedly towards the shower before I can spin myself another new lie, and I take the hint and go.
My thoughts swallow me again as I lay staring at the flaky ceiling, images of Dina still plaguing my head. I don’t want to think about her right now, tonight felt like the end of everything. I take another swig of whiskey to ease myself into sleep and calm my mind before stashing the bottle right back under my bed next to failed science fair projects and track medals from 7th grade, the crusty museum of my childhood. I left room on my heavily dented mattress for where Dina had lain several hours earlier, in an unfamiliar bed. Her pretty makeup had bled out onto one of the pillows, which I’m sure was an accident because I know she’d always be careful not to ruin people’s belongings. Dina isn’t careless like that. The remainder of what she had put on my face didn’t come out in the shower and the eyeliner had stained onto my face making it look like I haven’t slept in days, which to be fair was close to the truth. I wish she was here to help me fix it, she’d know how to stop me looking like a zombie.
Dina’s gone and it’s all my fault, If only I never drank as much as I did, that was such an awkward thing to do. Every time I think about our lips or her face afterwards of pure disgust, my teeth start clenching up. I don’t think that’s very good, I only just got my braces off and I don’t want teeth reminiscent of goofy again.
But I have to do what I always do, I’ll lie here with my eyes shut tight and hope I wake up tied to train tracks Wild West style.