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Grunting with satisfaction Chanyeol propped himself up against pillows he'd fluffed and stocked against headboard. He showed his best at the concert today, thrill of joy still overflowing him. He showered and felt fresh. Pillows were comfy. And overall the life was bright.
Kyungsoo was sort of a dark spot in his immediate existence though.
How do you cope when you are going to spend a night in one bed with the person you love and never absolutely never can convey your feelings? Chanyeol hated and loved sharing a hotel room with Kyungsoo whenever they were abroad. He loved spending his time with Kyungsoo even if it's just them staring at their own laptops. He hated the horror of him accidentally opening up to Kyungsoo. So he needed a good distraction.
A while ago Chanyeol realized that music was no help at all. He would daydream about composing a song for Kyungsoo and about Kyungsoo, and presenting it to him. But even in his dreams he was always rejected. So, no. Better friendship than nothing. They did produce several covers despite Chanyeol's state of mind. He thinks that's all thanks to more or less formal setting. Could it be possible for him to jam with Kyungsoo while sitting on a double-size bed in a hotel room? He preferred to not challenge himself like that. They still will have to work together after all.
Comedy was what really helped him to cope. Good old silly comedies that don't require much thinking. His laugh was a good enough distraction for himself and for Kyungsoo if he needed one.
Chanyeol placed his laptop on the knees. He was almost shivering with anticipation. Tonight was going to be a Louis de Funes marathon. Chanyeol had just recently found out about the French actor and was super excited to spent the night laughing at his antics.
Kyungsoo was in the shower and Chanyeol was just happy that he was the one who showered first. He had time to tune himself into the right mood, his usual self and nobody would guess how differently he felt inside.
Chanyeol was into an hour of The Troops of St. Tropez struggling to understand English subtitles simultaneously trying to catch on what was going on on the screen. It was more difficult than he thought. Why the hell did nobody translate this masterpiece of the comedy genre into Korean? Well, at least it was definitely a good distraction.
Kyungsoo came out of the shower wearing his pajamas; clothes that he wore earlier holding in his hands.
"Oh! Finally! What were you doing there for so long? I need your help with English. It's a French comedy. With English subtitles. Ha-ha. I can't understand...". Emberassly complained Chanyeol searching for unclear places he'd marked.
Kyungsoo threw his clothes on his side of the bed and stood there looking rather uncertain.
"Ah, come on. You know English better than I!" Continued Chanyeol his whining turning the screen to Kyungsoo's side. "Look, here..."
At that Kyungsoo climbed into the bed and reached for Chanyeol's laptop while scooting closer. When he took it he did something that Chanyeol didn't expect.
"Ya! Why did you close it? If you don't like comedies it doesn't mean that nobody in this room likes them! You jerk!" Chanyeol eyes widened even more when he saw that Kyungsoo put his laptop away off the bed.
"Why?........" Murmured Chanyeol turning his head to see where he put it. He intended to get back his laptop as that was the only thing that could make him stay sane in one bed with Kyungsoo, but at the moment Chanyeol was still sitting leaning on the pillows. Usually he wasn't this slow but Kyungsoo's behavior was way too odd and Chanyeol didn't really know what to expect further. He looked questioningly at Kyungsoo.
"Did I offend you somehow?" Chanyeol tried to break the atmosphere. "Sorry if I did. I didn't notice." As Kyungsoo was sitting on the bed with his bum on his heels, his face still held that expression of uncertainty, but apparent hint of determination started showing in his gaze.
When he started moving towards Chanyeol, throwing his left leg to straddle another man, there were left no traces of prior reservation.
"What?... are you?..." almost whispered Chanyeol. At first moment he'd thought that Kyungsoo suddenly had wanted to wrestle but the next moment that idea was thrown away. As Kyungsoo settled on Chanyeol's lap his eyes were nothing like those times when they wrestle. He looked at Chanyeol with the most complicated expression ever, as he couldn't decide his own feelings, couldn't decide what part of them he could show. Determination, adoration, fear, hope, searching for same in Chanyeol's eyes.
Chanyeol didn't understand what was happening, and, if he were to be honest with himself, he didn't want to understand, he was too scared to understand. But then Kyungsoo placed his hands on the broad shoulders nearing to his neck, fingers spreading behind flappy ears, and tingling excitement started flowing through his body, hoping faintly that maybe, just maybe... Chanyeol sighed.
"I'm going to kiss you now," declared Kyungsoo in a slightly shaking voice, he sounded rougher and simultaneously quieter than usual, "So if I misjudged your behavior you better push me away."
In all honesty Chanyeol felt like crying, his eyes were actually getting wet. He looked and looked and looked into the other's eyes. He couldn't believe. Push Kyungsoo and run away? Stay and experience whatever he was going to experience?
Kyungsoo let out a sigh of relief when he saw Chanyeol closing eyes. He was scared too. What if he was wrong? As his gaze glided down from fluttering eyelashes to blushed cheeks and further to those nervous lips that were surely waiting for the touch, he couldn't believe too.
"Am I really allowed to do it?" silently questioned Kyungsoo with a faint smile.
Chanyeol knew he had to relax. His facial features were strained. He tried. But he couldn't. Suspense was killing him. He almost jumped when he felt first touch of fingers (because those were fingers, right? totally didn't feel like lips) on his cheekbones, carefully sliding up to his eye corners, and down to his cheeks, easing him a bit on their way to his mouth. Those still were fingers that touched his lips at first. Slowly skimming along upper lip turning at the corner of mouth to the lower lip and up again at another corner, applying more pressure and parting them in the process. Sensation was overflowing Chanyeol's body. Who could have thought that a simple touch can do this to him? At the third lap of fingers he wanted to scream, "Kiss me already!", both physical and mental stiffness had been forgotten, hunger for satisfaction prevailing over everything. Kyungsoo might have sensed that the man in front of him was on the edge because the next second Chanyeol felt a softest lingering touch of the other's lips. That wasn't something he'd expected. After this finger play he was craving and more than ready for a full make-out session but all he'd got was a tender tremble of the full upper lip in between his own lips. Underwhelming at first the touch became captivating as it continued, naturally sticky skin of the lips gluing their mouths together. Hunger was replaced with a peaceful contentment. Chanyeol refused to open his eyes when Kyungsoo broke their kiss, hoping that maybe, if he kept his eyes closed, he could savor the moment of their first longer. First kiss between people happens only one time. It was important.
He felt Kyungsoo's breath on his mouth again. This time it was a peck and a smile against his lips. Chanyeol tentatively leaned to kiss Kyungsoo in an attempt to affirm the meaning of the events. This time he was leading, tugging and twisting, yet shyly reluctant to deepen their kiss or use his tongue. And Kyungsoo eagerly answered the initiative.
The kiss ended with a body-to-body embrace. Kyungsoo chin rested on Chanyeol shoulder, face full of pillows; he had to squirm to have access to air.
"I love you", whispered Chanyeol, "...for a long time."
"Mhm... Me too," mumbled Kyungsoo adjusting his head to the side, "I wouldn't do this if I didn't, you know."
"For the past few months … ehm … were testing me?"
Kyungsoo chuckled at that, "So you noticed?"
Chanyeol gently pushed Kyungsoo away so he could look at him. "Not funny. I actually thought I went completely nuts … Imagining all that."
Kyungsoo left his lap. "Well, sorry," he looked rather rebelliously at Chanyeol, "It was the only thing that came to mind that I could do to …" he gestured, "you know … be like this with you... It's scary to me too!". Kyungsoo stared at him sullenly.
"D-did you take your contacts out already?", stammered Chanyeol, "you .."
"No! I mean it!" interrupted Kyungsoo.
"O-OK", followed by silence. Two softening gazes directed at each other. Smiles growing on both their faces. Loud awkward laughs that broke silence between the two.
"Oh my! Now I am crying," trying to catch his breath Chanyeol wiped tears. He slid down the pillows in attempts to calm down, head turning to the side to watch his roommate, and, maybe, a boyfriend? It was yet too frightening to name what was happening between them. Were they going to date? Like a couple?
"I am really sorry if I confused you with my actions before," shyly appologised Kyungsoo, "it's just that, when I realized my feelings, I thought that I'd never in my life experience … mmm … outcome of it. And then," he sighed, "then I once noticed your look, how you look at me." Kyungsoo lay down the bed, his sight directed to the ceiling. "It was on a fancam actually when I first noticed it", he glanced at Chanyeol, who was listening carefully, "And I was like Whaaa~ But then I thought it was a fanservice. I actually spent a lot of time analyzing all the videos I could find. How you look at me, how you look at others." Kyungsoo paused, "Pft... It was difficult. I started watching you even more closely than before." Kyungsoo cackled at the thought, "Did you feel a stalker presence? It was me."
"You talk a lot..." suddenly murmured Chanyeol.
"Is that all you wanna say?" smacked Kyungsoo his arm.
"Wha?! No! It's good! You talk. I want to hear!"
"OK... Ah … And, well, when I was sure that you look differently at me I started planning what I do, how I do. I wanted to be sure. So I decided to test you. If I was delusional about your affection I'd be sure to notice. Remember that time in the shower?" demanded Kyunsoo turning his head to look at Chanyeol.
Chanyeol Closed his face with his hands, obviously embarrassed at memory.
"When you made a ran that time," continued Kyungsoo, "like a scalded cat, I must say, that was supposed to be the last test. But the way you vanished and," he added pointedly, "refused to look into my eyes, I almost gave up. I thought I was wrong."
"But you wasn't", smiled Chanyeol.
"Mhm. I'm happy I wasn't" smiled Kyungsoo in reply. "You know!, what came to my mind while I was showering? And that's the answer to your question what I was doing there for so long. I suddenly realized that you could be just a good friend who realized that your friend … mmm … had an exclusive interest in men … and didn't want to look like an ass to him, to me."
"Exclusive interest in men?" shook Chanyeol his head chuckling in disbelief.
"I-I don't really love the word 'gay'… too many stereotypes are associated with it."
"Oh!", thoughtfully added Chanyeol.
"Yeah! So I almost had a breakdown over there." Expressive sigh of relief escaped Kyungsoo's mouth, "Like, suddenly all my efforts were made in vain." he went silent.
"Ehm … What in the end made you do it? Oh, god, I don't even know how to call what you did here!" laughed Chanyeol.
"I just concluded that this might be the only my chance. If I didn't do it now I'd never try to do it again. And it's called 'to take the initiative'!" added Kyungsoo with a laugh. "So, what were you watching when I 'took the initiative'?"
"Ah!!!" exclaimed Chanyeol.
That was May 2013.
Words "date and boyfriend" were used a week later.