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With the end of the Final Days long past and made sure that it won't come to pass, the Warrior of Life has finally had a chance to just...breathe. For the first time in ages, she could breathe and just take in the fact that she was alive.
Enjoying the Azeyma's Sun seems to come to her in short bursts, never long enough to truly enjoy. Just enough, normally, to engrave a stronger want.
Maybe that's why the thought came unbidden. The thought that they were all gone.
'I'm the only one left now. Alone.'
A soul not fully whole, the only one left that had some inkling about the Atlas-like burden of the Convocation from back when the star was still whole.
She promised Hermes that they would get it right the next time. Would there even BE a next time?
'Damnit Venat, why did you have to choose ME?! Why me?'
Would she be lucky to have more time with those she can only remember from this life - both as allies and enemies at differing times?
Keeping the promise she made to Hades is one thing. So, why did she feel at such a loss concerning Hermes?
Yes, she made friends with him in Elpis, they were amicable, friendly even.
But the Fandaniel she met in her time was different from Hermes. He was just a pale version of the kind steward of Elpis that pondered the question on why we live just to die.
She doesn't understand. Why does this man, this being that almost wiped out the entire planet make her want to break down when he finally goes to his permanent rest?
She can't understand what makes her just want to scream. Makes her want to scream so long and loud that her voice permanently goes away. She just... doesn't understand WHY.
Hermes almost wiped out existence, almost tore away everything and everyone that made her remember to wake up the next morning. He almost took everything from her; and yet, the Warrior of Light feels as if she is losing something vital to her very being.
'Why does it feel as if my very being is in the process of being torn asunder?'
She couldn't tell what Hermes may have been to Azem. She knows that they were close, closer than she was to Hades in certain respects.
She had this feeling then, in the Aetherial Sea before fighting Venat. The unbridled feeling of despair; as if she was losing something vital...someone vital.
Looking up at that blazing Sun she glares. Glares at the sky because the ones she wants answers from aren't there any longer. All of them, killed by her hand.
'When will I stop seeing the red? Can't wash it away. Can't get rid of it.'
Glares at the sky, because she can't glare at herself right now. Can't stare all the self-hate she feels into a mirror, just to show herself how disgusted she is.
It doesn't make sense, why can't she get this feeling to go away? Are the rest of the convocation going to be her ghosts? Ghosts that will haunt her from this life into the next?
'Is this where the begging starts? Bring them back. Please bring them back. I don't wanna be the only one left. BRING THEM BACK!"
No matter how much she pleads and begs and begs and begs and BEGS. Nothing brings them back. She can't ask the questions she desperately wants the answers to. She can't plead for their forgiveness, can't apologize until she loses her voice.
Can't do anything, but keep walking.
Alone.