Work Text:
10 months sober, I must admit
Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it
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Liam's phone buzzes with an unknown number. He nearly chokes on his tea trying to grab it before it vibrates off the table; his throat's still tight when he picks up with a gruff "Who's this?" Every time he answers the phone like that, he can almost feel his mother scolding him. But he's changed his number too many times due to his "This is Liam," netting nothing but high pitched shrieking to feel too bad.
"Jesy. You need to go see Perrie," a voice says primly.
"Er--Jesy?" Liam blinks into the steam curling tentatively up from his cup.
"Oh my god, Liam, you need to get it together. Do you not have my number and the other girls' in your phone?" the voice snaps. Oh--oh.
"Jesy! Sorry, sorry, I was a bit dazed. And, uh, no I don't have your numbers. But why do I need to go see Perrie?" even though he's alone in his flat, he can feel the back of his neck heating up.
Jesy scoffs, "You shouldn't need a reason to go see your girlfriend other than the fact that she's your girlfriend!" Liam's neck burns hotter--enough that he turns around to make sure that Jesy isn't actually glaring at him. "But," Jesy sighs, long and exhausted, "well, she probably needs to see you. It's…" She sighs again.
"Jesy, is Perrie alright?" worry is starting to prickle in his throat and stomach.
Another sigh, longer than the first two, "Well, if you asked her I'm sure she'd say yes but I know she's lying. Jade went over for brunch and said that she was a--what were the words she used--'controlled mess.' So you need to go."
Liam frowns, trying to step back through the last few days, even weeks, to see if he did anything that could've set Perrie off. He doesn't think he's done anything. Honestly, as far as he's concerned this is still the best relationship he may have ever been in. "What's going on?" he puts his tea cup down and leans forward, his elbows on the cold black counter.
"Today was the day Perrie was trying to set for the wedding," Liam's about to ask what that means when it all hits him. He stares blankly into space, waiting for it all to sink in. "Look, maybe it seems silly to you--honestly, knowing Pez, she probably thinks that it's silly--but I think she could really use her boyfriend right about now," Jesy's voice finally softens, pity dripping through every syllable.
"Thank you, Jesy. I'll make things right," he hangs up--there's his mother mentally scolding him again--and chugs the rest of his tea. As he heads for the door, he pulls Siri up on his phone.
"Siri, where's the nearest florist?"
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Perrie is not depressed or moping or even slightly upset. She wanted to not take a shower today and stay in her pajamas even when Jade came over for Monday brunch. She wanted to curl up in too many blankets with a cup of tea that she didn't need. And most of all, she wants to be crying intermittently at stupid little things like her white bathrobe, her chipped Disney coffee cup, and the last thirty seconds of a John Mayer song. She's just having a good little cry day and that is a perfectly normal thing to do.
It has nothing to do with the date or what the date could've been. It has nothing to do with the shoebox in the very back of her closet, stuffed into a forgotten corner and filled with things she wants to forget. Dresses and flower arrangements and venue choices and--things she needs to forget. No, none of that is relevant.
She blows her nose and adds another tissue to the precarious pyramid by the sofa. She'd put on The Notebook a while ago to give her a more concrete reason to cry but now the credits are rolling and she's back to her own thoughts. The sun is fading behind the London skyline, casting an orange glow throughout her apartment. "Alright," she croaks, clearing her throat, "That's over. It's time to pull yourself together, Perrie." She can barely see her reflection in the TV but she doesn't really want to. The last time she walked past a mirror she felt like a horror movie starlet, all bloodshot eyes and patchy skin. She's haunted alright, even after all this time.
Someone knocks on her door; she jumps about two feet off the sofa and is only saved from hitting the ground hard by the pile of unnecessary blankets curled at her feet. "Hold on!" she clears her throat again, "Sorry, sorry, I'm coming!" She puts her slippers back on, jamming her toes deep into the fuzzy warmth, before padding over to the door.
A massive bunch of red roses on legs is standing on the other side. Perrie feels her mouth drop. "I--erm, hold on!" after a moment of shuffling, Liam's face emerges from the bouquet, "Hello!"
"What the fuck are you doing here?" she blurts out. Liam's face turns a darker shade of red than the roses, "God, Liam, I'm sorry. I was just surprised; I didn't mean to be so harsh. Come in." She pulls the door open a little farther, letting him waddle inside.
"How many roses is that exactly?" the bouquet seems to take up almost all of her kitchen, dwarfing even the two bags he sets on the counter too.
"120. Random number but I thought it wasn't too little or too big," they both stare at the bouquet, "It's too big, isn't it?"
Liam looks so damn hopeful, nothing more than a big puppy. Even if he'd brought a million roses, Perrie would have the same response, "Of course not, Li. It's amazing, thank you." She walks over and wraps her arms around his shoulders.
What she isn't expecting is for his smell to hit her quite so hard. She fists her hands in his thin sweatshirt and curls in closer. "Perrie," Liam murmurs, pressing his mouth to her forehead. She can feel his stubble scratching her hairline, a stark but welcome contrast to the soft warmth of his lips.
"I'm fine!" she squeaks as the stupid salty tears start stinging her eyes again. Where are all these tears coming from? Surely she's exhausted her supply by now.
"Jesy told me," Liam continues. Perrie shudders, biting her lip. "I'm so sorry, Pez but…but also not." Her skin prickles.
"What does that mean?"
Liam nudges her back, pushing a little harder when she fights to try and keep hiding in his chest, "Because even though he hurt you, if he hadn't been such a prick then--well, we wouldn't be here. And I like being here. With you." He tilts her chin up.
"I do too," she shakes her head, "and I just…wish that I could get over it." Her voice cracks as her view of Liam's shirt gets increasingly blurry. "It's so stupid and I shouldn't be feeling like this because it wasn't even fucking official but look at me!" she bats his hands away and steps back, "I am a goddamn wreck today for a stupid reason even though everything in my life is great. I have the girls and the band and you and I couldn't ask for anything more but I can't stop crying!" She stomps her foot as the tears start dancing down her cheeks again. Liam smiles his home smile: gentle, curving up a little more on the right hand side, and most of all familiar.
"Well I'm glad that your life is great and very honored to be part of it. And no matter what, you are gorgeous. I think you might be a wizard," she laughs through the tears.
"You are the cheesiest man I think I've ever met but I guess that's why I love you," Liam blushes but his smile doesn’t fade. Neither does hers, "Who told you to come here?"
"Jesy called. But it was my idea to bring everything else."
"Everything else?" she wipes her eyes.
"Erm, yeah!" he digs through the bags, "Well, I brought some chocolates because I thought that was pretty much standard with the roses and then I brought some things to make dinner. I don't know if I've ever told you but I'm quite the chef. So I figured that I'd make you dinner and then you wouldn't have to really think about anything." He takes everything out and then gives her another one of those hopeful shrugs.
Perrie smiles, "You're far too good to me, Liam."
Liam grins, bouncing on his feet, "I'm trying! Now, how about you relax with this red wine I bought and let Chef Payne take over your kitchen." He pushes a bottle of wine towards her.
"What will Chef Payne be making tonight?" she moves past him, digging the electric wine bottle opener out from a cabinet.
"Pasta! My mum has this amazing recipe for spaghetti with Bolognese sauce that I'm going to try my hand at. It'll be perfect!"
A hour later, after the smoke alarm has been shut off and the bitter smell of burnt garlic is fading through the opened windows, Perrie and Liam settle down on the floor of the living room with their freshly ordered Chinese food. "I just mucked it all up and I can't apologize enough," Perrie rolls her eyes.
"Liam, you've spent the last ten minutes apologizing and that is quite enough. Look, it's partially my fault anyway. If I hadn't gotten so handsy, we'd probably be eating pasta right now," she hands him a pair of chopsticks.
"Still! I had everything so planned out and perfect and now it's all off the rails," Liam pouts down at his Lo Mein.
Perrie hums and then chuckles, "You've done more for me than he ever did." Liam looks back up at her, his eyes going wide only for a brief second. Perrie's throat starts to go tight, "With him it was always these big things, trips and stuff, but after the beginning it was never…real. He would've sent flowers but through the post and he would've taken me out to dinner, not volunteered to make it. And to be honest, I probably would've gotten blamed for the burnt food rather than him apologizing." She pokes her chicken with her chopsticks. "You don't think I'm silly, do you?"
"For what?"
"I don't know, dwelling on all this stuff," she can't bring herself to look at him. What if the judgment screaming in her head is on his face too?
"Of course not, Pez," Liam scoots around next to her, pressing in close enough that she can rest her head on his shoulder. "Look, he was a big part of your life for a while and, all things considered, that's all still…fresh. All I can really do is hope that I'm filling whatever place he had well enough to make you happy," Liam kisses the top of her head, "And whether I do that by bringing you roses or burning dinner is up to fate I guess. As long as you're happy, I don't mind."
"I am happy," she turns her head to drag her nose along his shoulder. It takes a moment for her own words to sink in. It's times like these when Perrie begins to feel remarkably normal. They're few and far between, generally happening with the girls or her family, but Liam is becoming a bigger part of her life and therefore another source of this simple feeling that she likes. For a moment, sitting on the floor of her flat with white slightly greasy Chinese boxes surrounding them, she's able to feel like a normal girl with her boyfriend. No band, no press, no reputation, just two people in love. "I love you, Liam," she finds herself murmuring. Liam hums through a mouthful of noodles.
"Love you too, Perrie," he says once he's swallowed. Perrie smiles, reaching for the remote, "Put something good on, will you?" She nods, flicking through the channels with her head still on his shoulder. The urge to cry is still there, flickering somewhere in her head, but it doesn't feel quite as strong anymore and the tears have different reasoning. She's got an incredible boyfriend, that's what matters. She's happy.
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Ten months older, I won't give in
Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it