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Janis was enjoying her Wednesday, it was normal like every other she had her art period, biochem and math —okay the math part was less joyful but she was able to she a friend of hers. She currently found herself at lunch, having just sat down and now leaning against her girlfriend who was rubbing Little Laterne into her thing while eating her cheese fries.
Their friend group was quietly chatting, Janis did not feel like listening since it was nothing to important to be listening.
The brunette was starting to drift off into a soft slumber, when she felt Regina shift under her head and seconds later Cadys voice, telling them about her new friend. Janis opened her eyes and looked up just to be meet with a way to exited Cady and next to her a tall brunette.
“Everyone this Claire, she is in my AP calf class,” Cady was a moment away from vibrating from excitement. Damian was the first to speak, introducing himself the rest follow. Janis could feel Regina pushing her away slightly, first she shook Janis off her shoulder then she moved her hand away from the smaller woman’s leg and all in all she pushed Janis an inch or two away from her, just to the introduce herself. Janis eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Regina barely acted this way and if she did there would be at least something touching just to reassure Janis every thing was fine. But right now it did not seem like Regina did it by accident. The blonde straightened her back and smiled at Claire, it was not the smile she would give Janis but it was still big and showed off her dimples.
When Janis wanted to speak up, Damian stepped in “Soooo, Claire what do you do? How come you are at this school you seem new!” Claire shit her a tight lipped smile and went to answer the mans questions.
“Well I am new here I previous was at western high but wanted to transfer because the math and art Programm is better at north shore. Which leads to what I do. I sketch every now and then and I ride horses!” Janis perked up at the word sketch but the sulked back into her seat when Claire mentioned riding, Janis did not mind that the girl rode horses, it just made her even more perfect and the fact that her own friends and especially girlfriend were fanning over her did not help. “Janis dread as well,” Gretchen threw in. “Really that’s so cool, Mandy we will see each other in art,” Claire smiled revealing her perfect with teeth, Janis just nodded not daring herself to smile suddenly insecure about her teeth.
“Claire do you have a picture of something you drew,” Cady smiled still way to exited about this for Janis’s liking.
The tall brunette nodded and toke her phone out and show some pictures.
“Wow, Janis this is like wayyy better than any of your art, it does seem like the only good thing you can do is light a fire,” Damian laughed and Janis felt something in her gut clench, why the fuck would he say something like that, the rest of the table laughed as well and Janis suddenly felt very out off place.
Lunch went by the same and Janis just wanted for it to end. Math was good she was happy that she got once understood, she was optimistic about her afternoon since Regina and her would meet up and spent some time together, so when she stepped out of the school she was surprised that Regina was not in sight and with that her car. Janis waited for some time thinking that maybe Regina’s class was running late or she was dropping their friends off and then returning to pick up Janis.
Regina never came, Janis made her way home, she checkt her phone just to see no notifications, besides one from her mother telling her she would not becoming home till late at night. Janis thought about texting Regina about whether or not their were still on for later. She decided she would do it when she go home.
By then she still hadn’t heard anything from Regina or her other friends which just made the feeling in her gut tighten.
Jay <3: hey we still up for later?
Gina baby: absolutely, why wouldn’t we be?
Jay <3: just wanted to make sure, I’m gonna get ready
Gina baby: okay, want me to pick you up?
Jay <3: no, I’m good. See you :*
The feeling eased up after she texted the blonde but she couldn’t help but still feel like something was up.
When she got to the blonds house she made sure to text Regina and the to Ring the bell.
“Why do you ring the bell as well, when I already texted you that I will be down in a sec?” Regina asked as she opened the door, kissing her girlfriend before letting her in.
“I don’t know, more fun i guess,” Janis smiled, even though she was not sure if it was a genuine smile. Regina was still being weird or at least there was some weirder tension surrounding them and it made Janis feel a little bit uncomfortable and confused.
“You want something to eat, you didn’t eat at lunch today.” Regina did not seem to pick up on the tension surrounding them, Janis nodded and they made their way to the kitchen where Regina made them some snacks, afterwards they settled n Regina’s bed. The small artist made herself comfortable, feeling some weirder need to cuddle but she did not want to seem clingy or anything like that so she waited for her blond girlfriend to initiate it.
They sat in silence while, Regina picked out a movie on her laptop.
Janis looked around the room suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the familiar surroundings, it was weird and Janis did not like it at all. It seemed to her that she was making things weird and if Regina was not picking up on the tension there probably was non.
“Jay, baby?” The soft voice of her girlfriend ripped her out of her thoughts, Janis flinched a a bit when she felt a hand on her thigh.
“Babe, are you sure everything is alright, you seem of,” there was concern lacing her voice and it made Janis feel sick first Regina was weird when Claire was introduced to them — nearly flirting with her— and then she did not wait for Janis after class ended and now Regina asked if every thing was alright.
“Why did you not wait for me after class? I came out and you were not there and your car as well,” Janis was playing with her rings, nervous tick she did not seem to be able to let go.
“Oh well, I didn’t know we were driving together after school today and besides Claire did not have a ride home so I offered.”
“Regina you drove me to school today, I thought that meant we would be driving back together as well and besides I did not have a ride home too, you know.”
“Janis it’s a god damn ride home, you don’t need to be jealous now!” Regina was getting irritated and it was confusing Janis even more, had she done something wrong.
“No, you are right. It’s silly, what do you think about Claire anyway?” Janis did not feel like fighting right now, already feeling somewhat like crying and if they would fight now it would probably lead to a panic attack.
“Claire? OMG, she is so cool and they way she is good at math and draws so well it’s amazing, she is generally so smart and have you seen her figure she has like the perfect summer body.”
Janis felt even more like crying after her parents rant about the new girl.
“Yeah she seems nice, so what do you want to watch?”
They were halfway through the movie they were watching, still not cuddling and the small brunette even felt like Regina hade moved even further away from her.
Regina was phone started to ring, Gretchen’s caller ID showing on the screen.
“Gretch, what’s up?” Regina shot Janis an apologetic look and stood up to talk to Gretchen in private.
“Yes, I like Claire she is amazing. You know if shit ever ended between Janis and I, I would most definitely take her,” Regina spike and Janis felt like she was about to throw up, it really was the only full sentence she had picked up from their conversation and it made her gut clench and tears brim her eyes.
Janis stood up packing her things to leave, before leaving a message to Regina that she had to go home because her mom wanted her to do some stuff around the house. What Janis did not know was that this would probably be the last time she would be seeing Regina outside from school.
Over the next few weeks the whole friend group would sort of ignore Janis not just in school, also she it came to the group chat and if something was written in their someone would always text that they would ask Claire if she wanted to hang out as well and if Janis would ask if someone had time to hang out it would always be `sorry Jan don’t have time’ or `maybe be another time’.
To Janis it felt the exact same way as when she had the down fall with Regina in sixth grade and her and Damian had not really been friend yet.
Her breaking point was when she had to go to the mall to get some stuff for her mom and new art supplies, she had found her friend group I couldn’t Claire in their favorite hangout spot after all of them said they had some family thing to do or needed to do stuff for school. It was when it hit her that Claire was all the things she was not. Claire was funny, did not say stupid fucking shit , she in general was incredibly smart and talented, she always knew the right thing to say. All in all Claire was tall brunette hat the most perfect body and face, she was pretty.
when the artist got home she laid in bed, she once again felt like that sixth grade kid who had just been outed in front of the whole school by her best friend and then had lit her backpack on fire.
Her mom noticed her weird behavior, the way Janis would stop doing everything except school and Training. She had stopped painting and stitching, going to gymnastics tracing instead and consternating at school more. Janis stopped talking as much as she did before and she stopped eating regularly as well sometimes going days without eating, sitting alone at lunch again or with her other friends and no one of her friends noticed her absence.
She had hopes when her birthday came around that everything would change, it did not. When the day came, her mom was away having a 48 hour shift at the hospital and non of her close friends texted or even spoke to her in weeks almost month. Jans cried feeling like it really was all her fault, that she was not as good as Claire was and that she deserved all of this. She had the urge to self harm more and more often past few days, she did not do it but she did work out even more and ate even less.
It was the day that she collapsed from exhaustion and stress, that she was able to see Regina again. Janis had collapse right after gym class, she was brought in to the nurses office and Regina was called to bring her home since Janis’s mother was not answering.
“Ms. George I suggest that you stay with her and make sure that she eats and sleeps enough. She is not hurt or anything but it seems like she hasn’t eaten in a while and sleep does also not seem like her first priority.” Regina nodded turning around to look at Janis who seemed even small now.
The care ride was silent and remained her of the way her mom had drove her home after she had lit Reginas backpack on fire, there was tension around them and it was thick. Regina did not seem mad more disappointed or annoyed that she had to drive Janis home now and then look after her and it was the exact same tension as with her mom years earlier.
Regina did not look at her once and Janis wanted her to look at her again the same way had looked at her just a few months ago ago when everything was fine and Claire was not at their school.
Janis wanted to scream and cry and hit Regina have the blonde tell her that they are fine and that she es not mad or annoyed or disappointed for not eating or sleeping, but they were not fine. Janis sat on her bet waiting for Regina to return with the food was said she was going to make.
“Eat and do not tell me you are not hungry because we both know you have not eaten in several days,” Regina’s tone was harsh Janis tried to find something soft in her words but there was none. She nodded not darting herself to speak.
Her girlfriend—Janis didn’t even know if they were still in a relationship— sat on her desk looking around the room while Janis ate. The brunettes room looked different the blond noted, more clean and less Janis that she had remembered it to be.
“Janis you want to tell me why you collapsed?”
“You already know why, so why bother asking,” her voice was horse from not speaking for a long period of time.
“Because it want to hear it from you, I want to hear from you that you started to starve yourself again or maybe I want to hear from you that this is all just a sick joke and you collapsed because you did not drink enough!”
“Fine Regina! I did not eat, I also did not sleep in days. Okay?!”
“But why Janis, Why?” Regina was begging and somewhere something in Janis’s gut clenched out of guilt.
Janis looked down at her hands not knowing what to say.
“Jay, i want to know what’s wrong so I can help you.”
“And I want you to stop pretending like we are fine, like we haven’t talked in months and none of you guys remember my birthday or incited me to any of your party’s. Regina I want you to look at me,” Tear were streaming down Janis’s face ad she tried to wipe them away not wanting regina to see them.
“Janis, what do you meant look at you? I am looking at you.”
“Yeah you are looking at me but your are looking at me the same way you are looking at ou- your friends, I want you to look at me like you still love me and tell me that I am still your girlfriend and that you are not mad at me for self harming again or thinking about committing, base none of you really care anyway. But instead you look at Claire with those eyes you look at her and a you she is all the things she is that I am not.”
“Janis, any that is not true. I am not mad at you or annoyed and least of all disappointed. I am sorry i stopped talking to you and That I stopped looking at you in general,” Regina rushed over to Janis’s bed hugging her and Janis hugged Regina so hard fear she might disappear.
“I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry”
“It’s fine”
“No it’s not Janis, not at all. I still love you okay. Janis you really are my whole world and don’t know what I would do if you committed suicide.”
They laid down cuddling, Janis on top hugging Regina like her life depended on it.
“Stay?” She whispered in to the blonde’s neck.
“Oh my love I am not going any where any time soon.”
Nothing was fixed by then but Regina made Janis eat more and she had a word with their whole friend group about this and in the end it seemed like Claire had it all done on purpose.