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“Today's the day,” said 17 year old Amari Takao, stepping out of the shower, smiling so hard that her face began to hurt. “Today's the day I'm going to confess to her.”
She looked into the bathroom mirror, wiping the steam off of it to see her own face better. She winced.
“..Today's also the day of my graduation.”
Her face scrunched just at the thought of going up on stage, receiving a certificate for dealing with her school's bullshit. “They'll make me wear the male uniform anyway. God, they should remake their ‘academy virtues’ and specifically mention that they don't respect their students.” She thought as she haphazardly blow dried her hair.
“I can't wait,” she mumbled to herself, “I have to tell her right now.”
She begins to sloppily style her hair, holding her straightener in strange ways, and then dousing the hair pieces in hairspray immediately.
Girls are into that punk-rock style, right?
She started her makeup routine by tight-lining her eyes with a black pencil eyeliner. She applied some concealer, but her dark circles have gone too far back–concealer wouldn't fix it.
“Damnit.” She mouthed. “Guess I'll do my waterline too. Man, I was also aiming for a ‘cleaner’ look..”
She ended her makeup look with a dark mauve, berry-like tinted lip balm. If she can't look clean, she has to look natural, right?
“Guess I should get her a present as well..” She picked up her cellphone, scrolling mindlessly till she found her contacts. She stared at her name on her phone before opening it.
She felt chills down her spine–mostly because she was cringing at how she texted her crush, but also because of how nervous she was getting.
“Here goes nothing.” She began typing, her eyebrows furrowed as she struggled to find the right words. She typed over and over again, hitting the backspace button multiple times. Then, closing her eyes, hesitantly pressed “Send”.
“EMI !!! I have something 2 tell u 2day. Com meet me at the empty classroom!!! Hoping u r still inside school lol”
The empty classroom, the place where her and her friends hung out after class. Their private meeting spot. The place where they made their highschool memories; and where they mourned them.
She sighed with relief, finally, the first half was done.
She changed into a black tank top, a black thrifted oversized military jacket, and baggy dark green cargo pants. A smart way to cover her homemade tattoos, she thought to herself right as she walked out her dorm room.
She spotted a familiar face in the dormitory hallway–Riyoko Togami, the most smart, and most popular boy in their school, holding something. She waved to him with a big, cheeky smile, but he just looked right back at her.
Amari dropped her smile and pulled her lower eyelid down, sticking her tongue out, accidentally showing off her tongue piercing. An “ankanbe” if you will. But only as a joke–Amari never felt indifference or dislike towards him, as those two were friends after all. Although not as buddy-buddy, they do respect each other.
..Until now.
Amari has noticed it before. The way Riyoko looks into her eyes and lips, hell, just the way he looks at her is enough to tell that he likes her. But she likes her too. Amari never wanted to admit it, but she always felt some kind of unspoken rivalry between her and Riyoko.
She would often joke that she can treat her better than he can, and the pair would just laugh back at her. But sometimes she knows deep down that she isn't joking.
That she really does feel this way towards her.
And right now, deep inside her heart, she hopes that what she's noticing isn't real.
That the way she treats her is real.
The way she smiles back at her, the way she laughs, the way she holds and caresses her hand, the way she comforts her, the way she looks at her.
Amari clutches her chest, closer to her heart, feeling it beat faster than it ever was before.
She slows down and clutches it harder, expecting to feel pain.
….
“Who am I kidding, I can't feel it at all.” She laughs at herself, then begins to walk outside the building, the school, and now, outside the convenience store.
She grabs her wallet from the back pocket of her pants, and carefully observes the change inside.
…..
“..Only enough for some cream-filled bread.”
She sulks, but then remembers an important detail right as she was about to walk away.
“But those are her favorites, aren't they?”
She frantically looks inside her cargo pants’ pockets for some loose and extra change. She collected enough to be able to afford a drink, some small candy, and..
Yeah, that's all she could find. She lets out a big sigh, then enters the store.
She grabbed 2 cream-filled pastries enough for both of them. Maybe a box of cigarettes, too. She hid the cigarettes in her jacket pockets while she held the plastic bag proudly.
—
After sitting in the empty classroom for what seems to be hours, Amari found herself picking at her skin; a bad habit she can't stop.
She knows it's now or never–or else she might see her disappear right before her eyes.
Emiko Saikou, the girl of Amari's dreams, the top student, everyone's favorite. Amari thought she was pretty for the longest time, but she eventually began to develop feelings for her in 9th grade after she practically saved her life.
The sound of her heeled mary janes clicking throughout the hall began to sound like fingernails against a chalkboard to her. Her long, flowing, beautiful lilac-colored hair began to look like the devil's shadow.
The door finally swung open, creaking on its hinges. It was an old classroom, after all.
Emiko stood there with an emotionless face—a facade Amari knows all too well.
Emiko sees Amari, who's fixing the classroom tables to face each other.
She sports a soft smile and waves to her excitedly before seating herself facing Amari.
“Good afternoon, Amari!” She smiled softly.
“Yeah, Good afternoon, Emi.” Amari pursed her lips, being unable to hide her anxiousness from her.
Emiko plops down a gift bag right before their eyes.
She closed her eyes while smiling, like an idiot, “I was supposed to give these to you after the ceremony, but I couldn't wait!”
“Woah–Holy shit, this is a lot!” The taller girl couldn't help herself but try to look inside the contents of the bag. A predictable reaction, Emiko thought. Luckily, she stapled the bag shut before covering the inside with tissue paper.
“You'll have to open it later, silly.” She laughed. God, her voice felt like music to Amari's ears.
“Haha, yeah,” Amari looks to the side shyly. “...thanks, Emi”
She was the kind of girl to take everything for granted and show her appreciation. But right now, she stops herself from doing that.
“Umm, so, the thing I have to tell you about–” She murmured, before Emiko cut her off.
“What is it?” She asked, tilting her head almost like a puppy.
Amari squinted her eyes, trying not to look at Emiko's pinkish lips, they were beautiful, the mole right under it was beautiful, the lip balm she always uses is beautiful, she–
Amari closed her eyes. “Snap out of it, Amari.” She thought to herself right before she opened her eyes to meet Emiko's eyes again.
“Emiko.” She blurted out. Why did it feel like saying her name was like saying the devil's? Her throat began to itch, it began to burn, her eyes began to water,
It felt like she was about to cry.
“Um,” She lowered her head.
“I just.. I like you. A lot. I know it may not seem obvious to you, but–”
She looked up to see the disappointed look smeared on Emiko's face.
Her heart felt like it sank.
“I know.” Emiko mumbled, looking away.
Amari bit her tongue. She was trying to continue her words, but the pain of it all left her mind blank. Her throat began to itch. She couldn't tell if it was the cigarettes or if it was because she couldn't hold her tears in anymore.
“...I fell in love with you the moment I met your eyes. The moment you saved me from those bullies—when you handed me that umbrella, with your lips curled into a nice smile. It felt like I was saved by an angel.” She continued. Amari turned to look at Emiko’s eyes again. But she couldn't. She couldn't afford to make eye contact with her. So she stared into the mole under her eyes.
“I'm.. not stupid. I know you treat me differently than the rest. You care for me more than that stupid Riyoko–but..” Amari pursed her lips again, shivering.
“No, maybe I am stupid. Stupid enough to think you liked me back.” her eyes began to water.
“Are you done?” Emiko asked.
…What?
“...Done?” She muttered, eyebrows furrowing. Why was she acting cruel? To her?
“Amari.. I.. I'm sorry.” She turned to face her.
“No, don't look at me like that.” She thought to herself while closing her eyes and grasping at her chest. “Don't make this harder for me than it already was.”
The silence in the room began to become deafening. She couldn't take it anymore.
“..I'm in love with someone else.” Emiko apologized, silently running her fingers through her long lilac hair. A nervous habit.
Her hair's gotten longer. Fuck, it looks good on her.
..But I miss her old hair. When it just fell past her shoulders, when she was kinder. When she was less like this.
When she was.. herself.
“It's Riyoko, isn't it?” Amari acknowledged what the hell was going on between them, she wasn't stupid. She saw them together before. Their faces were too close to each other, almost as if..
The atmosphere in the room became dark and gloomy. Amari's heart sank deeper and deeper.
“...yes.” She confessed, looking at Amari right in the eyes. “How can you tell?” She asked.
“I already knew about it,” Amari bit her lower lip. “I just remained.. in denial.” She lowered her head and bit her lip again, harder, till it began to bleed.
“Stop that,” She demanded. Don't be ridiculous.. Please don't hurt yourself over a girl.”
Easy for you to say. Because you're the girl I'm bleeding for.
“..Emiko–” Amari looked up from staring at the floor.
“Amari, I have to go now.” Emiko interrupted.
“Okay.” Amari didn't bother to answer anymore. She clenched her fist hard and bit her tongue instead.
“I'm sorry,” Emiko got up from her seat. “I really am.” She pursed her lips.
She really did look sorry for her.
“..it's.. fine.” The taller woman began to also get up from her seat, before being cut off by the shorter one once again. “Don't beat yourself over this, please.”
Goddammit, why are you caring for my mental health? I'm supposed to be the one caring for you.
Amari sat herself down again, clenching onto the table’s edge.
“Congratulations, Amari.” Emiko turned around to face her yet again. Her lips curled into a smile, with her eyes looking at her softly. Amari always liked to see that angelic expression. But fuck, why does it hurt so bad now?
“I love you.” She stammered like a nervous child. She kept insisting, until it felt like her heart was bleeding. Until it felt like everything was bleeding.
“....”
Emiko didn't answer.
“Congratulations.” Emiko persisted. She held the door's edge so gracefully, her manicured hands embracing every detail. Right as she was about to close the door, she turned around to meet Amari's eyes once again.
“Please do me a favor, Amari, just this once.” She pleaded. Amari's head looked up at her like a dog.
“Fix your uniform and quit smoking, please. It's almost time for our graduation.”
The piercing words that came from her soft, angelic voice echoed throughout Amari's ears. She didn't know how to interpret it.
“Fix your uniform.”
That quote stuck to her like a parasite to its host. Fix? What is there to fix?
But she wasn't sad or mad about the whole situation. Just.. shocked. She expected that Emiko would answer that way; but it didn't feel right.
Amari didn't reply. She pursed her lips yet again, looking down at the box of cigarettes she seemed to have grabbed from her jacket.
She clenched the box, then looked up to the door again.
Emiko had already left the room. She closed it quietly, while the sound of her heels can still be heard clicking from the hallway.
Amari swears she saw her smile before breaking her heart.
“....”
She opened the box of cigarettes and held her lighter close.
She looked into the window. The sky was a beautiful orange color.
“Fuck, don't cry now. She told you not to beat yourself up over it.”
As she held the cigarette close to her lips, she bit on it, only to inhale and exhale the smoke.
A single tear fell off her cheek. She wiped it off.
She opened the classroom door, only to see that stupid face.
Riyoko Togami.
The two stood in complete silence before Amari spoke.
“..Is that for Emiko?” She asked, pointing at the scissors Riyoko was holding.
“Yeah. How can you tell?” He scoffed. He looked at her with a smug expression.
God, how she wanted to wipe that expression off his face.
“I'm not stupid,” She hissed. “Those are gold fabric shears. With a butterfly on it.”
“Good job.” He said as he patted her on the back, walking past her.
Graduation gifts. Fuck, I forgot to give her the pastry.
“I'm guessing those are for her too?” Riyoko chuckled, pointing at the convenience store pastries underneath the school desk, through the empty classroom’s window.
“Yeah,” Amari began to walk away. “Good job.” She mumbled.
Congratulations to The Class of **. This year's graduating class is very impressive, since there are 3 students who have 'Ultimate' titles and are now enrolled in Hope's Peak University.