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Mornings are not really Ren’s thing. He doesn’t hate them per say but, thanks to Yuzuru, he’s developed a love of sleeping in. And with no pressing matters that he has to deal with in the morning, he usually opts to remain in bed until Aogami urges him to leave.
That said, careful fingers gliding through his hair weren’t a terrible way to wake up.
“Good morning,” Yuzuru greets, chuckling when he grunts in response. Ren turns his head, cracking an eye open, catching the man’s amused gaze. Slowly, he pushes himself into an upright position, yawning.
“Good morning,” he mumbles, stretching his limbs. While he is very much looking forward to some time running around in the netherworld, sinking back into bed is more tempting than the sweet blobs of Magatsuhi he sometimes finds around Da’at.
“Young man, the longer you stay in bed, the harder it will be to get moving,” Aogami says gently, humming at the back of his mind. His lips twitch up, slightly annoyed but more endeared at his other half. He takes one long, last look at their bed before standing up, taking a wobbly step forward.
Following the discovery of their combined Nahobino forms and Ren’s ability to successfully merge with Tsukuyomi, they had briefly tested Yuzuru’s ability to merge with Aogami. It was a success but they hadn’t had a free moment to test out their full fighting capabilities capabilities until recently.
“We will be fine,” Aogami murmurs, consciousness instinctively wrapped around his own. “I will not allow harm come to him or myself.”
“It’s not what I’m worried about,” he thinks. In the rush towards the throne, Ren had to make a lot of important choices very quickly. And, while its been some time since then, Ren still hasn’t found a moment to talk with Tsukuyomi about those moments. He knows that Tsukuyomi, much like Aogami, does not hold grudges that easily. But there were some things that needed to be said.
“Oh,” Aogami says, frowning. “Are you concerned about something?”
“I… said some things to him. Before we were reunited,” he thinks, double checking to make sure they had an adequate number of gems and healing items. The words sit at the tip of his tongue and he bites down hard, blood filling his mouth. “I never got the chance to apologize for them.”
“I see…” Aogami says. “He cares a great deal for you, young man. I do not think you have anything to worry about.”
“Thanks Aogami,” he thinks, stomach churning uncomfortably.
“Are we ready?” Yuzuru asks. Ren nods, following behind Yuzuru. After moving in together and given their frequently missions into Da’at, Tsukuyomi had installed a terminal in one of the spare bedrooms. They land safely in the Demon Haunt. Ren separates from Aogami, ignoring the curious eyes of his demons. Yuzuru does the same with Tsukuyomi, the man’s eyes immediately finding his. He shrinks from the attention, resisting the urge to hide behind Aogami’s frame.
“Are you okay, Ren?” Aogami asks. He blinks, nodding, hoping it would take the attention off of him.
“It feels weird to walk around without Aogami, doesn’t it?” Yuzuru asks.
“A little,” he admits. Spending most of his day merged with Aogami does make it a little strange to be by himself. But that’s not the biggest reason behind his hesitance. “Are you ready for this?”
Yuzuru grins. “Yeah. Ever since I knew it was possible, I’ve been waiting to test it out.”
“We will have nothing to worry about,” Aogami says. “You have good instincts and demonstrate effective leadership skills in battle. It will be my honor to work alongside you, Yuzuru.”
Yuzuru’s face flushes, eyes widening slightly. “Aogami…”
“Charming as ever,” Tsukuyomi interjects, looking pointedly at the leyline. “Shall we?”
After a little deliberation, the Fairy Village was selected as their destination. The demons surrounding it were relatively low level, allowing Yuzuru some grace if he needed it. And, in the off chance something catastrophic happened (a chance encounter with a Magatsuhi infused demon), the many fairy demons around could help them with healing if needed.
Ren barely registers Tsukuyomi merging with him, all too focused on Aogami and Yuzuru. Aogami catches his gaze, frowning.
“Are you sure you’ll be alright, young man?” Aogami asks.
“Yes,” he says, feeling his eye twitch slightly. “Take care.”
The Proto-fiend bites his lip, a nervous habit he picked up after their many trips to Da’at, before sighing. “… As you wish. We will remain upsteam if you wish to watch us.”
“I’ll take good care of him. Don’t worry, Ren!” Yuzuru says.
Ren nods, forcing himself to start moving, knowing full well that he will delay the inevitable if he lets himself become too distracted.
“You are nervous,” Tsukuyomi notices. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah,” he says, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Just…”
“If you are worried about them, we can always watch from a distance,”
“It’s not that,” Ren says. “We just… we haven’t had a moment alone since right before the Throne. And… I think we should talk about it. Maybe.”
“Ah,” Tsukuyomi says, voice kept carefully neutral. “There should be a clearing up ahead we can speak.”
It’s a short walk, almost too short. His traitorous heart won’t stop pounding violently in his chest and his hands are shaking. With his thoughts racing so quickly, he almost misses Tsukuyomi separating from him, gently ushering him to the ground. Ren takes a moment to catch his breath, grateful for the light, grounding pressure around his wrists.
“Take your time,” Tsukuyomi says, rubbing the insides of his palms with his thumb. “Breathe for me.”
“I’m… trying-“ he wheezes, vision blurry.
“Don’t try and speak,” Tsukuyomi says. “Just focus on breathing.”
Easy for you to say, Ren thinks. He leans forward, letting his forehead rest on the man’s chest. The steady feeling of Tsukuyomi’s pulse, strong enough to be felt through the fabric, helps calm him. He keeps his eyes closed until the dizziness subsides. Tsukuyomi lightly grasps his wrist, checks his vitals, before rubbing his palms again.
“What specifically would you like to talk about?” Tsukuyomi asks, worry etched deeply into his features. “It’s unusual for you to panic over a conversation.”
“I was too harsh on you when we became a Nahobino together,” Ren says, stealing his courage. “Actually, I was being a massive dick.”
He had been so angry. Angry at Tao, who said it was a blessing that he was alive and Aogami was not. Angry at Dazai and Abdiel, for betraying him and causing his close friend a slow and painful death. Angry at Tsukuyomi for trying to take the place of Aogami. Calling him young man. Doing everything that Aogami had done and effortlessly slid into the role of Nahobino like Aogami hadn’t existed in the first place.
‘I’d rather be dead than be alive with you. You will never replace him’
‘Did you even care for him? Or am I just his replacement?’
‘Don’t call me that again.’
Ren was cruel.
“You were grieving,” Tsukoyomi replies.
“So were you,” Ren says softly. So blinded by his feeling, it hadn’t registered to him until after they entered the final area before reaching the throne. The tender way Tsukuyomi crossed Yuzuru’s arms across his body, watching helplessly as his Knowledge’s body faded away. The similarities they shared despite knowing each other for only a few days: the way they crossed their arms as they shifted their weight to one said, the way they had one hand in their pockets. The whispered promises of always keeping him safe. “I just didn’t see it until far too late.”
“It’s hard to realize what’s right in front of you when you have so much to do,” Tsukuyomi says. “I wasn’t exactly forthcoming about it, either.”
Ren nods. “I know. I just… appreciated everything you did for me. Everything you said to me. I was just…”
“Mourning,” Tsukuyomi says again, as if it’s normal to spit venom at the people who only want to help you.
“You helped me so much,” Ren says. “And I… didn’t do the same to you. I didn’t think to do the same for you.”
“Except you did. After Atsuta died and Aogami disappeared, my only goal was to see Bethel’s downfall. It just so happened the person who I believed had the greatest chance of success was you,” Tsukuyomi says. “It… helped, too, being a Nahobino with you. Like I, however briefly, got to experience what Bethel took away from me.”
“But I insulted you. Insulted Yuzuru. How…”
“I’ve been living with humanity for a long time, Ren. I knew not to take your behavior personally. And, considering the nature of our relationship, I know you care deeply for all of us in your own way.”
“I still shouldn't have said what I did,” he says. “I didn’t mean it.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” Tsukuyomi agrees. “But you regret what you said and I forgive you. If he knew, Yuzuru would forgive you too. You were largely unaware of the larger world of gods and demons until a few days prior to Aogami's disappearance. You made the most of a terrible situation and ultimately succeeded in the end. Give yourself a break. ”
“It can’t be that easy…” Ren murmurs.
“Why not?” Tsukuyomi asks. “Our time together is far too short to be harboring such negative feelings over something that is understandable, given the context. You have long made up for it by supporting us both as much as you have.”
Ren ponders for a moment. “Will you tell him? About what I said?”
“Yuzuru? Unless he asks, no I will not,” Tsukuyomi says. “He may be my Knowledge but this concerns only you and me. Our bond is special, just like Aogami and his are and yours and Aogami’s is. We are allowed to have our own secrets, our own struggles, that are separate from them.”
Ren hums in acknowledgment, resting his head again on the demon’s chest. Tsukuyomi’s arms envelop him, surrounding him in warmth. “From the moment we became a Nahobino, I could tell exactly why Aogami had taken such a liking to you. Underneath the anger and the grief, I could sense that you are a kind and caring soul. My greatest desire was to you see you happy and safe. I wasn’t intending to take Aogami’s place anymore than I expected you to take Yuzuru’s place.”
Ren circles his arms around Tsukuyomi, lightly returning the embrace. “I knew that the chances of us all surviving were limited. But I never anticipated that I would lose both Atsuta and Aogami at the same time. It left me without a purpose. Had it not been for that anger, that grief, I saw in your eyes and the duty I felt towards you, I likely would have deactivated myself and had another copy replace me.”
Tsukuyomi sighs. “I was making some progress when you smiled at me for the first time. It was brief, lasting only seconds. I strived to see if I could do it again. Of course, that’s right before I met my own demise. And that’s when I knew for sure, you cared. You had the same look as when you emerged from your encounter with the Qadistu without Aogami.”
“So yes, your words were harsh. But in that small window of time we had together, you were my partner, my family. And you felt the same too, did you not?”
Tsukuyomi lightly scratches his scalp. “I’m glad we work so well together, as Nahobino. I enjoy my time with you. You throw yourself face first into whatever catches your interest. A clear contrast to Yuzuru, who likes to analyze from a distance before proceeding.”
“Gives Aogami a heart attack everytime,” Ren murmurs, lifting his head.
“Yes,” Tsukuyomi says, meeting his gaze. Gentle fingers wipe away tears he hadn’t realized had fallen. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“You know, we haven’t exactly merged just by ourselves since then…” he murmurs. “Not for very long.”
Tsukuyomi smiles, joining their hands together. “There’s no time like the present, is there?”
It’s much smoother this time, a pleasant buzz spreading just underneath the surface of his skin. Aogami and Tsukuyomi are fundamentally the same in certain aspects and yet also fundamentally different in others. When he’s together with Aogami, he feels energized. Always twitching and itching to move, to engage in friendly spars, to sprint freely in front of him. With Tsukuyomi, it is the exact opposite. He feels an all encompassing calm, more eager to meditate than to do much else.
In the previous world, it had felt so foreign, so wrong to be with someone other than Aogami. The mask was suffocating and he tripped constantly, unsure how to balance in their new body. Ren had grown used to the feeling over time yet it had never really settled. But now, with time healing (most of) the wounds of those fateful days, it feels much more satisfying. Like two puzzle pieces fitting together.
“I am glad to hear that,” Tsukuyomi’s consciousness wraps around his own, washing away any lingering anxieties. “As I said, I rather enjoy spending time with you.”
Ren hums in affirmation, stretching their legs, cautiously standing. “You feel happier, now. Are happier now.”
“As do you.” Tsukuyomi replies. “It’s very infectious.”
Ren feels their face heat up. “We should do this more, if Yuzuru gets more comfortable with Aogami.”
“If I can pry you away from Aogami long enough.”
“I don’t think that will be a problem,” Ren chuckles. “Aogami is very taken with Yuzuru’s… Yuzuru-ness.”
“Yuzuru-ness…?”
“Yuzuru is a nerd. Much more than I am,” Ren says, sliding down the cliff. “He reads for knowledge. I read for fun.”
“That is true,”
The demons inhabiting the area immediately scatter, giving him plenty of room to sprint upstream. Wind whips past his ears, eyes hyperfocused on a ledge near the waterfall. He loves it. The mobility he gains as a Nahobino. The freedom to perform what would be death defying stunts in the overworld. He can easily climb ledges and run without having to stop because his lungs can’t keep up with the pace. It’s addicting.
His path veers right, carrying him uphill. When the terrain beneath his feet changes to sand, he jumps down a few platforms, landing safely on some grass.
“Satisfied?”
“Mhmm…” Ren says, yawning. Though his stamina is much improved in Da’at, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t grow tired occasionally.
“I can see why you enjoy running so much with Aogami,”
“It’s freeing. Like the world can’t touch you.” Ren replies, sitting down cross legged.
“… It’s strange. To have to breathe and the physical limitations of your form,”
“Demons also have their physical limitations, Proto-fiend or not,” he says, mind flashing to Aogami’s many maintenance sessions he’s watched.
“Would you like to know more? About how our bodies work?”
Ren blinks. It would be helpful, if there was ever a situation where Aogami’s (or Tsukuyomi’s) body was in need of repair and they could not access Bethel. “…Sure.”
“I will make sure you have access to those records upon our return,” Tsukuyomi says. “You and Atsuta are the only people who do outside of the Proto-fiends themselves.”
“Really? No one else in Bethel does?”
“No,”
“I suppose that makes sense. You do always oversee Aogami’s repairs,” he muses, blinking away something in his eye. “Have you ever needed them?”
“Not in a long time,” Tsukuyomi replies. “I can feel your exhaustion, Ren.”
“Yes,” he says, closing his eyes. Having a panic attack generally does that. “Will you take over for a bit? Until Aogami and Yuzuru come find us?”
“If that is what you wish,” Tsukuyomi says. The shift is almost instantaneous and Ren is glad for it. Their earlier talk left him emotionally drained and groggy. He settles just at the edge of Tsukuyomi’s consciousness, his own essence draping over the demons like a blanket, letting the steady rumble beneath him lull him into something similar to a nap. He’s not quite asleep, still vaguely aware of his surroundings in case a Magatsuhi’s infused demon decided to try and sneak up on them. But he’s not quite awake, either, allowing him to get a little rest.
Times passes in what feels like a few seconds, the moon phases changing rapidly in the sky. Tsukuyomi remains calm and cool, something steady for him to latch onto.
“They’re coming,” the demon murmurs eventually, gently nudging him awake.
“Five more minutes…”
“Up,” Tsukuyomi commands, shifting control of their body back to him. He grumbles, yawning.
“So this is where the two of you have been!”
“How was your training?” he asks, yawning mid sentence.
“Amazing,” Yuzuru says. “We got ambushed by a few demons on the way here but we managed to escape.”
“That’s unusual,” Tsukuyomi comments.
“Tsukuyomi is worried,” Ren translates.
“I got a little careless admittedly,” Yuzuru admits sheepishly. “How was your conversation?”
“Good,” he says, standing up. He reaches out, catching some of Yuzuru and Aogami’s blue hair in his hand. “You didn’t have long hair before.”
Yuzuru’s face flushes, gaze not quite meeting his. “I’ll be honest. My hair was short but Aogami offered to make it longer… It’s very…”
“Satisfying?” Ren smirks.
“I didn’t know how you did it but after trying it out, I kind of like it,” Yuzuru says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. “Thank you for letting me spend time with Aogami. It means a lot.”
“Of course,” he says. “Thank you for letting me have a moment with Tsukuyomi. We should trade more often.”
“I agree,” Yuzuru says. “We should probably head back. It’s been about four hours in the real world.”
“How-”
“He tracks how many moon cycles have passed. There have been approximately sixteen since we entered Da’at.”
“Sixteen?” he says quietly, following after Yuzuru.
“Sixteen,” Tsukuyomi confirms.
The trek back to the leyline is a short one. Once they land back in their apartment, Ren is hesitant to separate from Tsukuyomi. But he’s not much of a cook and having him in the kitchen is often inviting something bad to happen.
“I wouldn’t say that,”
“You know it’s true,” he says, separating. “Thank you for today.”
“Of course. Do you have any preferences on lunch?”
Ren shakes his head. Tsukuyomi places a small kiss on the crown of his head. “Go wash up. I won’t make anything extravagant.”
He nods, disappearing into the bedroom. Yuzuru lounges next to on the sofa, nose already a book. Aogami perks up when he notices Ren enter. He waves as he walks to the bathroom, washing his hands. When he glances up, he notices that the rims of his eyes are still slightly puffy and his cheeks are slightly flushed.
“I take it your talk went well?”
“Yes,” he responds, splashing water on his face. “How was Yuzuru?”
“Hesitant but well suited for this work once he, as you put it, ‘gets out of his own head’” Aogami responds, snaking his arms around his waist. “I missed your presence.”
“Me too,” he says, patting his skin with a towel, leaning into the embrace. “Do you… Do you think we could try merging all together again?”
“The four of us…?” Aogami grows silent for a moment. “I suppose its possible. But it was rather difficult for us to maintain that form.”
“It was a little cramped,” he admits.
“But I see no reason not to try, in the future,” Aogami says, grip tightening. “Come now. You need to eat lunch before you take a nap.”
Ren sighs. "I wasn't going to try this time..."
"Young man..."
"Fine," he grumbles, taking a longing look at the bed before stepping back into the kitchen, Aogami’s amused laugh following behind him. Yuzuru is already there, having a light conversation with Tsukuyomi.
“So you did manage to stop him from sneaking off to bed,” Yuzuru teases, turning to face him. He frowns, glaring halfheartedly at the man.
“The sooner you eat the sooner, you can nap,” Tsukuyomi says, portioning out the ramen. Ren snorts when he notices the frilly, “kiss the cook” apron Miyazu had gifted them ages ago tied around the demon’s front. An idea instantly comes to mind. Very carefully, Ren approaches as calmly as he can, intent on sneaking a quick peck.
Tsukuyomi is one step ahead of him, turning his face the moment he leans forward. Their lips meet briefly before Ren shies away, heart pounding in his chest.
“I appreciate the sentiment but perhaps you shouldn’t try some of Atsuta’s tactics,” Tsukuyomi says, amusement shining in his eyes. Ren pouts and Yuzuru bursts out laughing. Aogami rests his hands on his shoulders, rubbing affectionately.
“Ha ha,” he says quietly, lips twitching into a small smile when he sees the affection shining in Tsukuyomi’s eyes and on Yuzuru’s face. The trails they faced were numerous and he has no doubt his insecurities will rear their face again sooner or later.
But for now, he was going to soak up the joy he feels, etching every moment into his memory.