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♡♡♡
Talking to people who were, in theory, old enough to be his parents had always been slightly uncomfortable for Phum. He tried so hard to get it right with the relatives he grew up with and his parents when he returned, but they were never quite satisfied with the way he looked at them or the way he spoke. Eventually, talking to anyone their age started to feel like being thrown into the open sea over and over again, yet never being able to swim properly. After so many years of trying to learn, talking to them would probably not make him drown, but painfully salty water would definitely end up in his lungs.
The first person to make him feel like he actually knew how to swim was aunt Pui. At first, Phum thought it was some sort of miracle that he managed to make a good impression when they first met. Perhaps trying to handle a drunk Peem in the middle of it all distracted her enough from noticing Phum saying or doing whatever it was that he always said or did wrong, or perhaps he was not his permanently out-of-place and slightly bizarre self because his attention was on Peem too.
But then it stopped feeling like aunt Pui was simply satisfied with his behaviour, like he was just polite enough and just quiet enough to be tolerated. It felt as if she actually liked him. She called him kind and offered him a drink, even as her nephew rolled his eyes. She trusted him enough to let him help her around the cafe. She gave him her number and said he could reach out any time. She was happy to see him whether he came by with Peem or without him. Strikingly and most importantly, she wanted Phum to end up with Peem in that doting way a sweet but meddling parent usually pesters their child about their love life. And sometimes it wasn’t entirely clear which one of them aunt Pui was doting on, which made Phum’s heart bleed a little. So often he still felt like that little five-year-old kid, abandoned by his parents and unwelcome by his relatives, and it was deeply bizarre to suddenly feel loved by… well, an adult.
So, when Phum was one flight away from seeing Peem’s parents, he got nervous. He was, of course, also excited. He wanted to meet Peem’s parents, demanded it even. But that was because they clearly meant a lot to Peem and because that is what you do when you have a boyfriend, you meet the parents. But, after having some time to sit with the idea on his own, questions started incessantly bouncing off the walls of his big, empty apartment: will they like me? can they like me?
When they arrived, it was down to the basics: 1) look at what everyone else is doing and do the same thing, 2) don’t stand out from the crowd, and 3) hide behind Peem whenever possible. When the opportunity presents itself: smile, be as polite as you can, and always offer to help. That was how he won aunt Pui over, after all - by helping Peem and her. He could and would turn winning Peem’s relatives over into a math equation. Or maybe he would just have a meltdown over seeing how a good family functions.
The thing is, being there, at Peem’s house, with all his old friends and his parents, who considered them their kids, and his mom, who loved to drink with Q and did not mind getting teased by Tan, and his dad, who was funny and nice and had an affectionate nickname for his son - it was bittersweet and strange and almost uncomfortable. It was probably the first time Phum followed Peem around not simply because he wanted to, but because the idea of sitting there, surrounded by people to whom all of it made sense, next to Fang who had been begging him to move on and let them have this, it would have been too much.
For the first time, it truly hit Phum that all of this was normal. That he was the odd one out there, that this was what everyone expected of a family. It hit him that this was what Peem probably expected from his family too. Sure, he heard of Phum’s fights with his father and of some things that had happened when Phum was a kid, but people did not usually take that seriously or at least covered it up with an image of well-meaning parents that was so unwavering that they had no doubt those parents did the right thing, even when it did not sound like it. And maybe they were right. Maybe Fang was right. Maybe he should swallow the bile that rises up to his throat every time he sees his parents. Maybe he should smile, relax his shoulders, make eye contact with his father, like nothing whatsoever is wrong. Maybe he should give Peem the family-in-law that he had probably always expected to have, the family-in-law he was so generously giving to Phum. Peem certainly deserved to have it. Phum would not want to deny him that.
♡♡♡
Coming back from Chiang Mai, Peem felt incredibly lucky. He always had, with his best friends and his parents there, but this year had truly made him feel like he would win the lottery if he just bought one ticket. His friend group was much bigger now, and they all really felt like a family, fitting into the place he had always considered home so very well. And then there was, of course, Phum.
Just a year ago, if you told Peem that he would be in a happy relationship with a guy who is as adorable as he is handsome, he would roll his eyes at you. Going through high school and the first years of university boyfriend-less, while everyone around him kept dating new people, made a little insecure monster grow in Peem’s mind. He thought there was something undesirable about him romantically or maybe just physically. And then Phum came along. Phum, who was initially so annoying, but who grew more and more loveable with each passing day. Phum, who was so nice, so flirty, and so very warm that Peem felt like he could kiss him first and like that was okay. Phum, who said that he would never forget that kiss and who kept kissing him and wanting to be kissed by him. Phum, who was always ready to shower him with compliments about things that Peem couldn’t conceive about himself even if he tried. His boyfriend Phum.
Phum, who also felt so very lucky to have Peem in his life, which is why, after coming back from Chiang Mai, he was determined to have dinner with his boyfriend and his parents. When he told Fang about the idea, his brother was surprised but happy to hear it. After all, he had never asked for more than some simple civil interaction every once in a while. Being praised for anything, especially doing “the right thing”, had always been a rare but cherished experience for Phum. This time, however, seeing Fang pleased with his decision was particularly hard to cherish. Maybe that was the thing about Phum: that which was right felt wrong to him and that which was wrong felt right. In which case, it was time to start fixing that.
“Hey, boyfriend,” Phum said, planting a quick kiss on Peem’s cheek and sitting down next to him at the cafeteria.
“Phuuuuum,” Peem prolonged the name in the way he always did, when he wanted to pretend he was annoyed by Phum’s public displays of affection, but was actually just extremely shy about them.
“What are you doing this evening?” Phum asked, trying his best not to seem nervous.
“Hmmm…” Peem had homework due on Thursday, but he would probably procrastinate and do it last minute anyway. “Nothing. Why?”
“Fang and I are having dinner with our parents today,” he responded as casually as he could. “Do you want to join us?”
Peem turned to look at him, puzzled and suddenly unsure of himself. Did he totally misread Phum’s relationship with his parents? But there was all that talk of discomfort on the beach and the way he felt after having a fight with his father was just awful. And sure, relationships are complicated, especially with family, but Phum’s parents did something horrific, something careless, next to unforgivable. The thing is, Peem kind of hated them. Not even ‘kind of’, he hated them, and he felt justified in that hatred, but now he was unsure whether he was allowed any negative feelings towards them at all. It was like he crossed some sort of invisible line that he was previously sure did not exist. He blinked in confusion.
“You’re having dinner with your parents?” he asked carefully.
“Yes!” Phum said, plastering on the most convincing smile possible. “So, what do you say? You showed me yours, and I’ll show you mine?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Phum!” Peem exclaimed, scandalised, and lightly pushed his elbow into his boyfriend’s ribs. “But okay,” he continued in a more serious tone. “If you want to, I will come.”
“Great!” Phum responded, jumping up from his seat. “I’ll pick you up at six.” And with those words, he practically ran out of the cafeteria, leaving his boyfriend perplexed (and trying to figure out what he should wear to meet two people who he never expected he would have to meet in the first place).
♡♡♡
Phum did not go to his parents’ house before dinner that day and instead returned to his apartment. He could never stand being around them for long, at least not without a subsequent meltdown. He had never had to fully stop himself from saying what he thought of them either. Even with Fang insisting upon it, even with the whole world insisting upon it - he never fully swallowed his grievances and his protest. Today, that was supposed to change.
The ride from Peem’s place to the parents’ house was quiet, quieter than Phum and Peem had probably ever been around each other. Their usual affectionate bickering and cheesy one-liners were replaced by an almost eerie atmosphere, with Phum being too distracted by his attempts to act normal and like everything was fine and Peem, suddenly and for the first time in a long while, feeling slightly lost in his own attempts to figure out what Phum was feeling.
When they finally stopped in the driveway, Peem placed his hand on Phum’s. “You sure everything’s okay?” he asked in that especially soft tone of voice he only ever used, when he was particularly worried about his boyfriend.
“I’ll be fine,” Phum nodded, skirting around the actual answer and stepping out of the car before Peem could press further. If his boyfriend asked one more question, while looking into his eyes with an almost heartbreaking mix of worry and love, Phum would just break down. And that could not happen because he was supposed to keep it together for Peem.
So, instead of elaborating, he intertwined their hands and pulled his boyfriend towards the entrance. “Let’s go.”
The house was absolutely huge. When Peem was younger, he always looked at those big modern mansions with awe, thinking that the people living in them must be the luckiest people in the world. And that was probably still true for most of them, but it did not feel true for the people living in this particular mansion. Despite all the warm browns and oranges that it was filled with, it felt cold and distant. Peem was not sure if it was a universal feeling for everyone who entered this house, or if he simply found it impossible to be inside of it and not think of how cruel it had been to Phum. He promised himself that he would behave today, that whatever he felt towards Phum’s parents would come second to his boyfriend’s desire to have a relationship with them, to introduce them to him. Looking around, he could only hope he would be able to keep that promise.
Fang greeted them in the living room. “Hey, guys!” They both nodded in response. “Mom and dad are already waiting for you at the table.”
Peem looked at Phum, feeling strangely unsure of whether he should follow Fang or grab his boyfriend’s hand and run. Tentatively, Phum started walking after his brother to the dining room. He looked like a prey animal, who sensed a predator nearby. He felt like it too. He knew his parents would not notice, though, and that Fang would, but without seeing it as a cause to worry, because he knew that’s what Phum was always like around their parents. So Phum’s only hope was that Peem would not notice. (He did. It made him feel almost unreasonably protective, like watching a nature documentary and rooting for the gazelle, lion’s dinner be damned. Was that what Peem was about to witness? A gazelle at a lion’s dinner? And why were they there, if that was the case?)
All three of them stepped into the dining room, Phum and Peem wai-ed. For a moment, they did not move, as everyone in the room was sizing each other up.
Peem was not sure what he expected the parents to look like. Mostly because he had never felt like they were important enough to even imagine. The father was already grey and was clearly at least a decade older than the mother. It looked like the kind of marriage that was more about tradition and less about love. He sat at the head of the table and that did not seem unintentional - it screamed authority. All of it was weird to Peem, who was so used to his parents sitting in front of each other, still making googly eyes at one another, even after so long. The mother seemed barely present, like she was fading out of view. Peem suddenly remembered Phum saying that she never protested his father’s decision to send him away. Somehow, looking at her now, he could see why. Hers was the silent kind of negligence, set to the tune of her husband’s demands.
Phum felt the strange discomfort radiating from Peem and his father’s piercing gaze on them. He tried to force himself to look up and meet that gaze, but it seemed as if even a brief moment of eye contact would set him on fire. He looked at Fang instead, silently asking for help.
Fang nodded. “Dad, mom, this is Peem.”
Their father pointed at the seats to the left of him. “Please, sit down.”
Phum moved first, sliding the chair out for Peem to sit on. In part, it was a natural urge to take care of his boyfriend, even in such a small way. In part, it was a split-second decision to make sure that he would not have to sit right next to his father and that Phum could act as a wall between them, in case anything went wrong. He could not let his guard down even for a second, not in this house, not with his parents at the table. Peem smiled at the gesture, but it was a small and timid sort of smile. Everything about Peem seemed small in that moment, which felt painfully bizarre to Phum. His boyfriend usually filled the room with bright and positive energy. This was a new side of him that made Phum feel like he should be jumping in front of some invisible bullet that was heading towards Peem’s chest.
“I’ve prepared some food for you boys,” the mother said, in a tone sweet like poison. “I know how much you love fish, Phum.”
Peem glanced up at her. That did not sound like sarcasm, but the alternative of her genuinely serving something her son was allergic to was somehow worse. He looked at Fang, who shifted uncomfortably, but stayed silent. Then Phum spoke up.
“Thank you,” he said through gritted teeth. Usually, this would be the moment when he pointed out how little his parents knew or cared about him. Not this time, however. Not this time.
Phum’s mother gave him a look, but did not say anything. An awkward silence fell in the room, as they all began eating. Their father was the first to start putting food on his plate and he took a little bit of everything, making it quite clear that the dishes were made with him in mind. The mother started cutting the fish and Fang put some vegetables on his plate. Phum, however, was looking at the selection of food in front of him with a lost expression and eventually started eating plain rice that was already on his plate. Peem could not decide whether he should pick something too to be polite or stick to the rice to support his boyfriend.
“Peem, do you cook?” the mother suddenly asked, unintentionally saving him from the dilemma.
Peem laughed, and it came out like something almost genuine but still rather awkward. “No, unfortunately, I am pretty bad at it.”
“I quite like your cooking though,” Phum said, smiling at him. It was the first time Peem fully believed his boyfriend’s smile that day, so he smiled back, despite the compliment being a little misplaced, as they both knew he was awful at cooking. Phum meant it, though. Perhaps not in a literal way of Peem’s cooking being good, but in a way of saying that he liked everything Peem did, no matter what it was.
“So, how long have you been dating?” the mother asked. Suddenly, Phum’s father put down his fork with a clank. Phum jumped a little and grimaced.
“How are your studies, Phum?” he interrupted, quiet but demanding, almost tyrannical, ignoring the fact that his wife’s question went unanswered.
“He is doing well,” Fang interjected out of habit. He was the one who always faced their father’s demands head-on.
“I wasn’t asking you,” he pointed out. “Though ‘well’ certainly doesn’t sound satisfactory.”
Phum did not know what to say in response. He would usually have a biting remark prepared or would simply stand up and leave. But he was trying to keep things civil, though he was not even sure why he was still doing it. Peem was clearly worried about him the whole drive, so, no matter how much he tried to ignore the truth, he clearly did not manage to pretend like everything was okay convincingly enough. And now, at this table, he was starting to get worried about Peem. They had only been here a moment, but he already felt a lot like a diluted version of himself. Every movement, every word, it all seemed off, uncomfortable. It was like someone took the sun and turned it into a lamp. It still shined, no one could ever put its light out entirely, but the difference was staggering.
“And you,” the father suddenly looked at Peem. “How are you doing at university? What do you even study?”
“I study art, sir. And I’m doing really well, one of my works was actually recently hung up at an exhibition,” Peem answered, in a tone that was more on the defensive side, like he suddenly needed to prove himself and like he could not be proud of his achievements. The air in the room became particularly stiff, almost suffocating. Peem wondered how Phum and Fang survived here that long. Why they were still trying.
Fang coughed uncomfortably. Phum looked at him, knowing exactly what that cough meant. Art was not good enough, art was not right, art was not playing by the rules, and their father hated rule-breakers. At least at this table, Fang always hated whatever their father hated too.
“Art?” the father scoffed. “And your parents are okay with that?”
Peem tensed up. He knew his choice of major and future profession was looked down on by many people, but he never really liked those people much, and he certainly did not appreciate someone insinuating his parents could be like those people.
“Yes, they are very supportive,” Peem answered, while looking at his plate, shoving rice from the left side to the right and back again.
“You are just a year away from graduating, so it is already rather late,” - the father mused - “but are you quite certain you shouldn’t be doing something actually worthwhile?”
Peem looked a little lost. He did not want to cause a scene, but he was not exactly known for biting his tongue either, so he was not sure what to say. Thankfully, Phum - no longer interested in swallowing the poison, when it was redirected away from him towards the person he loved - came to his aid.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, his matter-of-fact but confrontational tone finally finding its way back into his throat.
“Phum,” Fang said as a warning. But Phum was not going to stop now. He might have doubted himself, when he was trying to understand if he had done something wrong, something that made him deserve his parents’ treatment. He might have doubted himself, when he was trying to figure out if his parents were right, if they did what was best for him after all. But he never doubted himself, when it came to Peem, because Peem deserved the world and certainly did not deserve his father’s vitriol.
“Be polite when talking to your father,” his mother admonished. “Especially when we have guests.”
“My father” - Phum choked the word out like it physically hurt him - “is the one being impolite to our guest.”
“Phum, it’s okay,” Peem whispered, placing his hand on his boyfriend’s thigh with a reassuring squeeze. He was certainly offended both on his and Phum’s behalf, yes, but the last thing he wanted was to be the cause of a rupture in a fragile relationship his boyfriend seemingly wanted to keep, even if the idea made little sense to Peem.
“No, it is not okay,” the father said, standing up. “Phum, when will you stop acting like a child?”
Something cracked inside Phum. Something like an old but deep and still occasionally bleeding wound being stabbed again. “Me?” he yelled, standing up as well. “Acting like a child? I have never been allowed to be a child in the first place!”
“Oh, please, stop with your incessant whining!” the father threw his hands up in the air. “You’ve always had everything that you needed. More than most children could dream of, in fact.”
“Money, you mean. I had money,” Phum said, defeated. “Most children do dream of it, I’ll give you that. But that’s because they already have what I’ve never had - love and attention from their parents”.
Phum pushed his chair away, heading directly for the door, and Peem followed him right away, not even bothering with a wai at his boyfriend’s parents.
They ran out of the house and Phum unlocked his car, but instead of getting into the driver’s seat, he opened the door to the back and crawled inside. Peem sat next to him.
Phum couldn’t say much at first, because he was sobbing. It was the kind of sobbing you see in dramatic movies, the kind that you think feels kind of exaggerated, the kind Peem had certainly never seen before. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and felt Phum’s body shaking uncontrollably, while he was alternating between crying and trying to breathe. Peem rubbed circles into Phum’s back and tried breathing louder than normal in hopes that his boyfriend’s breathing would eventually mimic his own.
Minutes passed before Phum got his first words out. “Can— can we leave?”
“Of course,” Peem nodded, giving a quick kiss on Phum’s forehead. “I will drive. Will you stay here?”
Phum frantically shook his head.
“Okay, okay,” Peem said. “Let’s get you to the passenger seat then.”
He opened the door, thankful that no one followed them to the car. Supporting Phum by his waist, he got him to the front seat, his boyfriend feeling like a ragdoll in his arms. He then jumped into the driver’s seat and drove away from a house he hoped he and Phum would never have to visit again.
♡♡♡
Phum felt horrible that evening. The first thing he did, when they arrived at Peem’s place, was rush for the toilet and vomit the little bit of rice he managed to eat before they left. He wanted to cry more, but it felt like he had no liquid left inside his body. Peem forced him to drink a glass of water before taking him to bed. Between the two of them, Phum was certainly always the clingier one, but that day Peem was the one who felt like he would die if he had to let his boyfriend out of his arms.
The next morning, Peem woke up first, which was unusual but expected. His arm was numb, though he did not mind, looking to the side at his boyfriend, who seemed so peaceful while sleeping. He briefly remembered the first time Phum was in his room. His memory was a little fuzzy, he was drunk that day, but he remembered tracing the features of his face and calling him an asshole. It was not exactly unfounded, but now Peem almost wished he could go back in time and tell himself to trust Phum. To trust how genuine and apologetic and nice he was. That it wasn’t a trick, that it was more Phum than the Phum he met on that first day, with the ball and the painting. That, if soulmates were real, Phum was Peem’s and Peem was Phum’s. And that his soulmate needed him. That they were already late for their meeting, that he would later wish he could have been by Phum’s side his whole life.
“Am I so handsome that you can’t stop staring at me?” Phum asked, opening his eyes.
“Yes,” Peem responded simply, which made Phum smile.
“You should eat something,” Peem added, gently brushing his boyfriend’s hair away from his eyes.
“I should take a shower first,” Phum answered, suddenly self-consciously aware of the fact that he probably looked like a mess after yesterday’s dinner. “I don’t have anything to change into though.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll give you something,” Peem responded.
Phum nodded, standing up from the bed and heading towards the bathroom.
“There are fresh towels on the second shelf of the cabinet!” Peem yelled after him. He then picked up his phone and opened Grab. As nice as it was of Phum to say he liked his cooking, the last thing he needed right now was getting food poisoning because of the food his boyfriend attempted to prepare. After ordering breakfast, Peem fished out a shirt, some pants, and a pair of boxers from his wardrobe for Phum to wear. They were not exactly the same size, but close enough to wear each other’s clothes relatively comfortably. Peem realised he should probably take a shower too and briefly toyed with the idea of joining Phum before deciding that it was not the right time. He would definitely keep it in mind, though.
Ten minutes later, Phum was sitting crossed-legged on the couch of aunt Pui’s living room in his boyfriend’s clothes, eating porridge, and he had never felt so comfortable in his life. Peem came downstairs with a towel in his hand, drying his hair, and Phum put his plate on the coffee table, stretching his hands out, asking for a hug. Peem smiled, put the towel on his shoulder, and plopped down on the couch, wrapping his arms around him. If someone asked Phum which moment he wanted to stay in forever, it would probably be this one. Unfortunately, no one was asking and time could not just stop.
“I’m sorry,” he said in the way he always did, serious and sincere.
Peem pulled away a little. There were a lot of apologies that needed to be made for yesterday, but most of those should be made to Phum and none of them should be made by him. “For what?”
“I just-” Phum sighed and broke the hug, taking Peem’s hands into his. “I wanted us to have a normal dinner with my parents, wanted to introduce you to my family like you introduced me to yours.”
Peem hesitated for a moment. He did not want to pour salt on the wound, but he could not stay silent anymore either. “Have you ever thought about… getting some distance from your parents?”
“What?” Phum asked, confused, because it was all he had thought about for years, but it was also something he had always been told was wrong. Peem took his confusion to mean something different.
“Look,” he said, squeezing his boyfriend’s hands a little. “I know it sounds harsh, maybe wrong even. But I spent what… a total of fifteen minutes at their house? And it was awful. Your father was trying to find fault in everything he could, and then, of course, your mother served fish. Fish, Phum! The thing you are allergic to! She said you loved it.”
“I’m not-” Phum began, not sure how to finish that sentence. He was in disbelief. It was the first time someone took one look at his parents and reproached them with such certainty and sincerity. “You don’t need to convince me. I just thought you would want to meet them, so-”
“Wait a moment,” Peem interrupted him. “Are you saying you did this for me? Who told you I’d want to meet them?”
“I don’t know, I mean-” Phum let go of Peem’s hands, not sure how to explain himself. “Isn’t that what you always imagined? That you’d have a boyfriend and that one day he would take you to his parents and you’d have this new family?”
“To be honest, I haven’t imagined anything in a while,” he shrugged. Phum wanted to ask what he meant, but Peem went on. “And anyway, you should have asked me first before assuming! Didn’t you promise you would tell me everything?”
“I promised I would talk about my problems-” Phum pointed out.
“And your parents aren’t a problem?” Peem asked, slightly exasperated.
“They are, but you aren’t!” Phum exclaimed. “I wanted to do this for you. And I’m sorry for assuming that this was what you wanted, but I never thought someone could actually think differently, okay? Fang has always said the way I act towards our parents isn’t right and even Beer, with all his support, still made excuses for them. I’ve never had someone say I had the right to be mad at them for hurting me and didn’t need to sweep my feelings under the rug.”
“Phum,” Peem said seriously, intertwining their hands again. “I don’t know about other people, but when it comes to your feelings, I will always be on your side. And as far as right and wrong goes, I think that I can confidently say that abandoning your child at five years old is very wrong.”
A tear ran down Phum’s cheek. He was not crying so much as tearing up at hearing what he had always wanted to hear, but what he was never sure of on his own. His feelings were validated and by Peem of all people - his boyfriend, who he trusted and loved so much.
Peem reached out to swipe his tear away and Phum pulled him into a hug.
“Thank you,” he said, and Peem hugged him tighter.
“Nothing to thank me for this time, Puppy Phum”, he responded, pulling away and tousling Phum’s hair a little.
“I don’t think I could thank you enough for loving me even if I said it a thousand times every day,” he said sincerely.
Peem never quite knew what to do with how vulnerable and open Phum managed to be about his feelings. It always made his heart do a backflip and attempt an escape from his chest, landing directly in his boyfriend’s hands, where it truly belonged and where it felt safest. None of that was possible though, so Peem did the next best thing: he kissed Phum. Phum, of course, understood what Peem meant by it perfectly and held his heart gently in his hands. They have had plenty of long and passionate kisses, plenty of moments when they could not stop, could not keep their hands away from each other, but this one was not like that - it was simple and sweet, like a casual but genuine “love you”, like sleeping on your lover’s shoulder, like holding hands. They broke apart slowly, simply looking at each other for a few moments after the kiss.
“By the way,” Phum broke the comfortable silence, remembering something, curiosity clear in his voice. “What did you mean, when you said that you hadn’t imagined anything in a while?”
“Huh?” Peem asked, still looking a little dazed.
“When we talked about meeting the parents,” Phum clarified.
“Ah,” Peem responded, trying to decide how vulnerable he should be. “Well, I just never imagined anything particular about my hypothetical future relationship.”
“Really?” Phum was surprised, because he coped mostly by using his imagination. The drama he forced his teddy bears to act out as a kid was between him, the teddy bears, and likely their teddy-bear-therapists. “You never just… laid in bed, imagining romantic scenarios with you and some cute guy?”
“I thought you’d be happy about that! No need to get jealous of whatever cute guy I was imagining, cause there was none.” Peem was deflecting.
“I’m more likely to get jealous of whatever cute guys you were actually dating before me,” Phum pointed out.
It felt weird not to say anything, so Peem did. “You’re in luck again - there was none.”
“Sorry, what?” Phum seemed genuinely confused.
“You’re my first boyfriend,” Peem responded as quickly as possible, like it was something slightly embarrassing to admit.
“Oh, wow, so you just rejected everyone else before me?” Phum asked, sounding quite proud of himself. “You should have told me sooner, I’m flattered.”
“No, there wasn’t anyone to reject.” It felt like someone was pulling Peem’s teeth, painful and slow.
“Are you saying no one’s ever confessed to you?” Phum asked.
“Yes, no one’s ever had a crush on me before you,” Peem finally stated plainly.
“Oh, that is definitely not true. When was the last time you looked in the mirror? As much as it wounds me to say” - Phum sighed dramatically - “there must have been dozens of people crushing on you, they were just too scared to tell you.”
And that was… hard to argue with. Peem was so stuck on comparing himself to his friends and acquaintances that he had never thought his situation might simply be different from others’, just like his paintings were different from Q’s. There was not anything wrong with him, he was not undesirable, someone probably did like him but kept quiet about it - that was just the way the cards fell. And would he really want to have dated anyone else now that he was dating Phum? Maybe the universe was actually doing him a favour by delivering him directly to his soulmate, as soon as possible.
“And then there is, of course, Kluen,” Phum added with a touch of antagonism that was slightly more sincere than his previous joking remarks.
“No, Kluen started liking me after you did,” Peem said, thinking back to their first accidental meeting. The guy really stood no chance before he even began, the memories of Peem’s first kiss with Phum always hanging somewhere in the back of Peem’s mind.
“Are you claiming to know when I started to like you?” Phum raised his eyebrow.
“Clearly, it was almost immediately,” Peem teased. “You couldn’t leave me alone for more than three seconds.”
“Can you blame me?” Phum asked, wrapping his arms around Peem and looking up at him with the most adorable puppy-dog eyes ever.
Peem snorted. “You are so cheesy.”
“Only for you, Mr. Rueangsiriwong,” Phum responded, planting a quick kiss on Peem’s shoulder.
“If you say so, Mr. Rueangsiriwong,” Peem smiled.
“Huh?” Phum let go of Peem and turned his entire body to look at him. “Can I count that as a proposal?”
“Not yet,” Peem booped his nose. “But I want you to know that you are a part of our family now. Here, with me and aunt Pui. In Chiang Mai, with my parents. You had to wait for us a while longer than people usually do, but you have us.”
“Look who’s cheesy now,” Phum said, feeling his eyes watering.
“Still you, mostly,” Peem responded, planting a playful peck on his lips, and then jumped up from the couch. “Now, finish your porridge. I have homework to do.”
“Wait for me!” Phum exclaimed, picking his plate up in a hurry. “I want to watch you work.”
Peem rolled his eyes affectionately and, as usual, could not help but do exactly what Phum wanted.