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Itsuki was standing in front of a shelf in a local library near 1Nm8’s household, holding a book. He visited often, the library being a place to learn more about human emotions and whatnot within walking distance.
Kei seemed to have a lightly perturbed expression on his face. He drove to the library on his lonesome. Kei knew Itsuki was here whenever he finished any chores around for the house. Kei was walking, though faster than normal, while making sure to be silent. He found Itsuki sat down and walked up to him, whispering.
“Itsuki… have you seen or heard from Rokuta today? Sorry to bother. He could just be at The Cat’s Whiskers’ bar, but… I wanted to make sure of it.”
Itsuki was looking at a book until Kei came over. He raised his sight, turning to look at Kei.
“No… I didn’t. Why do you ask…? Did something happen?”
“Nothing happened, but… it’s happened before, where Rokuta passes out from hunger on some random street. I want to make sure that’s not what’s happening right now. Maybe I’ll drive to the bar and hope to see him there or even on my way there.”
Kei bows to Itsuki as a farewell, though Itsuki immediately stands up and seems to want to join him. He quickly put the book back to its shelf. “I’m coming too. Just to make sure he’s fine.”
Kei smiles, with a slight hint of worry in his eyes. “Thank you, Itsuki. I do always appreciate you. You walked here, right? I drove here, so we can head straight there to TCW’s bar.”
The conversation gets cut short, Kei gets into the driver’s seat, Itsuki gets into the passenger’s seat, and they go. On the way there, it’s a quiet car ride. Kei speaks up after a minute, followed by Itsuki’s responses afterwards.
“Again… sorry. He’s my brother, I should be the one to keep track of him.”
“...It’s okay. I understand your worry. Rokuta can be troublesome, but he’s our bandmate and your brother. Of course I’m worried too.”
“He should be at Bar 4/7. I think he made friends there, so of course he would want to visit. Although… I wish he would let one of us know before he runs off. I don’t want to lose him again.”
Kei’s face made a slight frown and a slight furrow of the brow, tone becoming a bit more serious than his usual gentle and soft-spoken words.
“This is why… I want to stop the world from using phantometals anymore… 1Nm8 shall win someday, and I can save people… including you and Rokuta. I won’t have to worry about him after he and you are cured, and you guys won’t have to get side effects from the experiments anymore. Or at least… no one else will have to.”
Itsuki was slightly surprised by Kei’s words, looking at Kei then looking down, staying silent for a slight moment before looking back at the other. “…Then I'll fight by your side. As long as it'll take, we’ll win. I promise.”
Kei smiled. “Thank you. I would like it no other way, Itsuki. Without you, I can’t do it.”
After a brief moment of silence, Itsuki wondered about something. The book he was reading just minutes ago mentioned that sarcasm or a joke tended to lighten the mood in friendly conversations. "...I know. I’m just too amazing to lose.”
Kei casually admitted Itsuki’s statement, even if Itsuki was teasing. “You are amazing. Everyone finds your voice and flow to be perfect. I know that they are not exaggerating. I could not replace you even if I wanted to.”
Itsuki felt a bit flustered by the unexpected compliment. He still didn’t know how to feel when he got praised for his rapping... But, coming from Kei… it felt different. Kei was never the type to lie or exaggerate. He looked down for a second. “...Stop that... You’re the one who produces our songs.”
“I know. But no one else is meant to sing those verses.” Kei smiles, confident in Itsuki’s abilities. Soon enough, they arrive at Bar 4/7. “We’re here. I’ll go check.”
Itsuki unbuckled his seatbelt as Kei stopped the car. “I’ll come with you. Just in case.”
Kei just smiles in response, then gets out of the car with Itsuki and walks into the bar. Yohei was busy wiping glass, and Saimon was sitting at one of the tables drinking coffee. They both look up and greet whoever steps into the bar. Kei bows politely. “Hello… sorry to show up unannounced. Is Rokuta-“ Kei is interrupted by familiar joyous yelling upstairs. “…Excuse me.” Kei walks upstairs to find Rokuta happily hanging out with TCW’s cats as well as Shiki and Ryu. He observed Rokuta being perfectly fine and having fun. Kei sighs out of relief. “Thank goodness. Rokuta… please let either me or Itsuki know if you’re heading out next time…”
Itsuki walked upstairs a minute later and sighed as well, crossing his arms and looking at Rokuta with a slightly annoyed look, though he was still relieved to see him alive and well. "...You made us worry. Let me or Kei know next time whenever you decide to come here."
Rokuta made a pitiful elongated apology, clearly sorry for not letting them know and worry. Kei chuckled. “It’s okay. At least you’re safe and having a good time. Itsuki and I will head out now, okay? I don’t want us to take up anymore space and bother the bar master.” Kei looked over to Itsuki and smiled warmly at him. “Thank you for coming with me, Itsuki. Let’s go.” Kei walked downstairs, bowing a farewell and thanks to Saimon and Yohei before heading to the car.
Itsuki also bowed as he thanked Saimon and Yohei, proceeding to walk with Kei to the car. "…I’m glad he's okay. But he has to make it a habit to tell us when he’s leaving. I tell myself I'm not going to bother looking for him every time.”
“Yeah. We say that, but… unfortunately I think I will have to be looking for him every time.” Kei laughed lightly, and Itsuki formed a light upwards curve on his mouth. “…Would you like me to drive you back to the library? Or would you want to do something else today?”
Itsuki stayed silent for a second, thinking about Kei's question. He looked away for a moment, thinking to himself. There was this foreign feeling deep inside if Itsuki that told him he would not get another chance like this. That Kei only ever needed him if it involved Rokuta or music. That he was hardly a valuable asset to Kei’s concerns, just his music. "...I don't mind. I have no other plans than reading all day at the library, but..." He looks down and sighs. "...I want to stay with you a bit more."
Kei looks over at Itsuki, a melancholic expression appearing on his face as he watches Itsuki look down. “…I was thinking the same thing. I never want to bother you, so we never talk. I’ll stay with you. Would you like to… hmm… go grocery shopping?” Itsuki already went to the store and bought enough to last them until the end of the week, but Kei wasn’t a master at choosing fun activities. “…I’m not very good at this either.” Kei chuckles.
Itsuki quickly shook his head. "…Actually, I don't mind going grocery shopping. Spending time with you is enough to make it fun for me.”
Kei felt a warm sensation across his chest from Itsuki’s kind words. He smiled, once again. “…I’ll drive us to a special one then. Or at least, my favorite with many unique options. We can eat there too at the food court. I think it will be fun.” Kei started to drive there, both of them in a comfortable silence. Once they arrived, they got out of the car, and headed inside the store. “Let’s see… we’ll need… first of all, lots of karaage for Rokuta.” Kei looked amused as Itsuki closed his eyes and shook his head. He began reading out their grocery list, and they shopped for those items together. After agreeing on which products to buy, Itsuki and Kei checked out and put all of the groceries in the car. “Okay. Now, we can go back inside and enjoy ourselves with some food. What are you in the mood for?”
Itsuki huffed as he finished carrying all the groceries into the car, closing the trunk door. "I don't mind. I'm not picky, you know that. But if you want me to choose… Maybe something uncharacteristic afterwards… something… sweet."
“…Sweet…?” Kei stared at Itsuki in shock before giggling. “Sorry. I didn’t expect that from you. Are you missing Rokuta and his tendency to want sweets after every meal? But sure, we can get crepes afterwards if that’s what you want. As for food, maybe we can share a large portion of rice and curry? Simple yet tasty.” Kei smiles and they walk back inside the grocery store to the food court. Kei orders for the both of them, and sits down patiently waiting until their number is called.
Itsuki followed Kei and sat down at the table, looking around the food court for a moment. He looked back at him and stayed silent for a bit, then he spoke with a serious tone. "…Hey, Kei… could I ask you a question...?"
“…Sure thing. What is it, Itsuki?” Kei asks, light concern showing on his face.
Itsuki stayed silent for a moment, looking down and then at Kei. "...It's not anything serious. I was sort of…. wondering. Am I… important to- no, I mean… What makes you so… cheerful?" Itsuki asks, changing his mind and ignoring what he wondered about most.
“Oh… I suppose I’ve been smiling a lot more than often. To be frank with you, I think it’s because I’m nervous. Not in a bad way. We rarely go out like this together without Rokuta, so we have rarely talked alone. Its become a habit of mine to smile when you look at me. Does it bother you?”
Itsuki shook his head. "…No, it doesn't bother me.” He looks down at his hands, thinking about something for a moment. Kei nods, motioning for Itsuki to continue. “Go ahead, Itsuki. Ask what else you’ve been meaning to ask. I’ll answer anything I can for you.”
Itsuki looked back at Kei with a serious look. “I want you to answer me honestly. Do you like hanging out with me? Or spending time alone with me like this? If you do not, it is okay. I can return to the libr-"
Kei interrupted Itsuki with no hesitation. “Of course I like hanging out with you. I’m not nervous because I’m scared. I’m nervous because I’m… happy. To talk with you and learn more about you. You’ve done everything and more than I could ask for, Itsuki. You helped save my brother, you take care of him perfectly despite him being my responsibility, you…” Kei looks down and his smile fades as he shows guilt through his next words. “…go through traumatic phantometal reactions just for our goal… I owe you. I should ask you if you like hanging out with me instead.”
"…I already told you before. It's not your fault and I'd do it again. I don't blame you or Rokuta. And I…" Itsuki paused, then sighed. "I like spending time alone with you like this. You’re the only person I feel… comfortable around. Of course, Rokuta as well, but I can’t quite discuss human feelings that well with him. I have to look invulnerable and responsible with him.”
“Itsuki…” Kei felt happy yet saddened to hear those last words of Itsuki’s. He smiled, this time with sincerity. “I also only feel comfortable around you and Rokuta. I’ve trusted you so fast and so well ever since you joined us in 1Nm8. It might sound ridiculous, but I trust you with my life.” Kei slowly lifts his hand to reach out to Itsuki, but their number is called and Kei halts to pick up their food and bring it over.
Itsuki felt honored that Kei trusted him a lot, even though he didn't realize he was important to him until now. Itsuki muttered to himself. "It's not ridiculous. I trust you with my life too.” Itsuki wondered in confusion towards noticing that his own hand automatically moved to reach towards Kei's when Kei started it, but he also stopped once their number was called, and waited for Kei to bring the food over.
Kei sets down the food, handing Itsuki utencils and readies the large portion of curry to share. He sits down right beside Itsuki. “I’ve had it before, I think it tastes good. Let me know if you dislike it, though I know how you aren’t picky.”
Itsuki accepted the utencils and looked down at the food, nodding in response to Kei’s words. "It looks good. I’m sure I won’t mind it.” He took a bite and seemed to be enjoying it.
Kei looked delighted to see Itsuki eating it well, and he started eating too. After a moment, Kei made a comment. “You know… maybe expressing appreciation and love doesn’t depend on saying many words to each other. I think this is good enough. I like to see you enjoy yourself with me.”
Itsuki nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I think I prefer showing it through small actions." He paused for a moment, thinking about what the other just said. "…And I like when you’re in a good mood too. I prefer your smile over your frown." Kei looked like he didn’t know how to react to that other than smiling and fiddling with his food. Itsuki brought up a new topic, figuring it would be better now than later. “Oh yes. While you walked upstairs, I stayed downstairs for a few seconds. I asked Yohei for his number, and I remember it perfectly if you want it. He told me he didn’t mind feeding Rokuta and driving him home tonight.”
Kei sighs and makes a disheartened expression. “I really owe them…”
"At least he’s in one piece… And he’ll get home safely too.”
“Yes. I trust them with him… we should be okay to let it happen.” Kei says, though still slightly worried based on his expression. Kei seemed to forget to eat at that moment.
Itsuki hummed in response, nodding slightly. He looked down at Kei’s plate, noticing the other wasn’t eating anymore. "You should finish your food before it gets cold." He said gently, placing a hand on Kei’s arm lightly.
Kei blinked and turned to Itsuki. “Oh, yes. I’ll get to that then, thanks.” Kei smiles softly and eats his food, there being an unclear amount of thoughts in his head. Itsuki would notice Kei keeping a stressed or saddened expression most of the time, bottling up his emotions to himself. It bothered Itsuki in a way. Kei was able to express his emotions unlike Itsuki, yet would not do it.
"Hey...” Itsuki called Kei in a soft tone, looking at him. “You always stay silent when something’s on your mind. You don’t have to. Especially when you’re with me. I want to hear what you are thinking. No apologies are necessary.”
“Its… we can discuss this later. Once we go back home. I promise I will tell you… if you really want to know.” Kei states solemnly.
Itsuki shakes his head. "It’s not about whether I want to know or not. You should be talking more. You’re always keeping everything to yourself, shouldering your worries when you can lean on your group members.“ Itsuki looked down at his food, then up at Kei again. "…And I’m going to stay worried until you finally tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
Kei hangs his head down and looks away for a moment while speaking softly. “I’ll tell you, Itsuki… but not here. Just eat with me and… we’ll go buy something sweet afterwards and talk about my thoughts at home.”
Itsuki stayed silent for a moment, staring at Kei’s head hung down for a bit. He nodded slowly. "…Alright. I’ll wait until we get home." Itsuki said with a gentle tone, moving to eat his food again. They finished the curry in silence, and Kei offers to dispose of the trash. Itsuki collects everything together and thanks him. Kei returns, Itsuki stands up, and they walk together to a nearby crepe store.
Kei spoke up. “We should get one for Rokuta. He would like it too.” Kei smiles and looks at Itsuki. “Did you have a preference? Will you finish one all on your own?”
"Yeah. He’d feel sad if he heard we got crepes without him. As for me… Anything, I’ll be good with anything. Usually I find it difficult to finish something so sweet all by myself."
“We could share one, if you would be okay with that. The last time we were here, me and you both struggled. Rokuta had to eat both of ours in the end.” Kei giggled at the memory. “He probably doesn’t remember it though.”
"Of course I’m okay with sharing. And yes… he probably doesn’t remember that he ate our crepes and had the audacity to get himself a third one." Itsuki sighed. “It’s hard to budget our money when he tags along.”
Kei smiles wider at Itsuki’s comment. Then he looks down at the menu. “Hmm… we can’t go wrong with matcha, I think. I’ll order one for us.”
Itsuki nods. “I’m okay with that. Thank you.” After they get their order of two crepes, one is set aside neatly for Rokuta once he comes home at night. Kei offers for Itsuki to take the first bite.
Itsuki looked at the way Kei gently handled Rokuta’s portion. He could tell Kei felt very reminiscent about his brother when they were apart. Itsuki took a bite of the crepe and hummed in approval.
“It’s good? That’s good.” Kei bit into the crepe and hummed in approval as well. “It’s not too sweet or heavy, how nice. Rokuta would like it too.”
“Mm. He would.” Itsuki and Kei kept passing the crepe to each other, and they actually get to the bottom of it quickly. Itsuki watched as Kei seemed to accidentally get cream on his nose after taking a big bite. “Um… Kei, your nose.”
Kei looked confused, raising his eyebrows. “Hm? What is it?”
Itsuki looked to the side, appearing to be holding in a smile. He decided to get up, grab a few napkins, and handed one to Kei. “You’ve got cream on it.”
Kei’s eyes widened, and he couldn’t help himself from feeling embarrassed. “Ah… I didn’t notice. I would have walked out of here with a white nose.”
“Maybe Rokuta would have let that happen, but not me.” Itsuki reassures Kei, making Kei smile. Itsuki took the final bite of the crepe, and they head out to drive home.
“I had fun, Itsuki. Thank you for hanging out with me. I hope I didn’t bore you out. For a moment, I forgot about any responsibilities I had to deal with.”
"I had fun too. You didn’t bore me at all.” Itsuki paused for a moment, looking at Kei. "I like being with you. I want to see you smile or laugh more. Not the opposite.”
“Thank you. I’ll… talk with you about it. Once we get home.”
Itsuki looked out the window as the car started driving. He stayed silent and wondered what exactly Kei would reveal once they get home.
They arrived home, took out all the groceries and put them inside together, and once they were done putting up the groceries, Kei sat down on the couch. He looked up at Itsuki expectantly.
Itsuki took a seat beside Kei. Kei was nervous, avoiding eye contact. “I’m not sure what I should talk about… you want to know about my thoughts and feelings, but… I’ve never done that before.”
Itsuki moved a bit closer to Kei, reaching out a hand to carefully place it on the other’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. "...You can take your time. I’ll keep listening to you, I promise.”
Kei made a light sigh, and turned his head to look at Itsuki with a worried expression. His voice turned into a whisper. “I’m sorry… I told you I would talk to you but I don’t know how to get this out.” Kei looked sorrowful and guilty, the most emotional Itsuki has ever seen him.
Itsuki looked into Kei’s eyes as the other turned his head to look at him. He didn’t know how to feel, just that his heart felt heavy when he saw how sorrowful Kei looked. He felt like he wanted to move his hand to comfort Kei, but wasn’t sure how. "It’s okay, I’m not mad at you. Just talk to me, as best as you can."
Kei sat there, anxious and unsure of what to say or do. He began to lean in and slowly reach out his arms to hug Itsuki, by Itsuki’s surprise. It was a firm hug, and Kei leaned his forehead against Itsuki’s shoulder. Kei’s voice was a lot quieter and softer than usual as he spoke. “…Just don’t look at me when I cry.”
Itsuki didn’t expect the hug at all, and he froze for a moment. He looked down at Kei and slowly brought his arms around the other, holding him firmly. "…Okay. I won’t look.”
“…I feel responsible for Rokuta getting kidnapped and going missing. I believed I couldn’t do anything after losing him. I spent my time in Visty, feeling guilty yet loved by a bunch of strangers. I left them after finding you and Rokuta, and now Visty hate me. I also feel responsible for you and Rokuta’s pain, making you two sing with me. I’m trying to rid of the existence of harmful phantometals, yet I make you and Rokuta use them for my goal. I’m selfish.” Kei tears up and his voice is quiet yet wavering. “It feels as though everything I have done and am doing is dependent on the people I love; and at your expense. Rokuta still doesn’t remember I’m his brother, and his memory is only getting worse. I might be making you worse as well. I’m sorry, Itsuki.”
Itsuki listened silently, holding onto Kei tighter as he spoke with a shaking voice. He felt his heart ache from hearing everything that Kei revealed. He stayed quiet for another moment, before slowly shaking his head and speaking softly. "…You don’t have to apologize.” His tone was a lot softer than usual, almost a whisper as well. "It’s not your fault that Rokuta went missing, it’s not your fault that we ended up in that Alter Trigger facility, it’s not your fault that we were experimented on, and it’s not your fault that Visty hates you. You left for us. You’re not selfish, and you’re not hurting us. We are in 1Nm8 because we choose to sing with you and deal with whatever comes our way.”
“But Itsuki… what if it all ends up not being worth it? What if 1Nm8 can’t win, and it still comes at a cost?” Kei began to break down and cry further. “I love you and I love Rokuta. I want to save anyone I can from suffering a similar fate, and I will keep doing so, but if I lose either of you, I can’t do it.”
Itsuki took a shaky exhale, closing his eyes for a moment. "Stop it. Don’t think like that. I don’t want to hear those what-ifs, and I don’t want you to even think about it."
“That’s why… I keep it all inside.” Kei lifts his head up from Itsuki’s shoulder, sniffling and wiping everything away in one swipe. “It’s not good for me to think if it’s just going to be about that. I would prefer to look blank.”
Itsuki looked into Kei’s eyes as the other wiped his tears away. "It’s not good. Keeping it all inside does more harm than good. You’ll break down like that if you do." Itsuki paused for a moment, staring at the other. He swallowed hard, before carefully bringing his hand to Kei’s face to softly caress his cheek with his thumb. He’s seen such an action before in one of the books he’s read, meant for comforting a loved one.
Kei widened his eyes for a second, surprised at the sudden contact, looking directly at Itsuki in silence.
“Kei. You’ve let Rokuta and I sleep on your shoulders before. I believe you should lay onto mine and put your worrisome thoughts to rest. Do not get too overwhelmed to the point where you forget that I- that 1Nm8, are here for you.” Itsuki proposes sternly.
Kei makes a final guilty expression before leaning into the touch, falling forward slowly. His eyes were closing as he leaned onto Itsuki’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I love you, Itsuki.”
Those words alone answered Itsuki’s question for him. Being loved… means to be important. Itsuki feels Kei falling forward onto his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around Kei again. "...I love you too, but… stop saying sorry.”
Kei makes a half-smile. “You might be better at emotions than me at this point.”
Itsuki leaned his head on top of Kei’s. "Do not spout nonsense, Kei. That’s uncharacteristic of you.”
Kei reached out his hand and held onto Itsuki’s free hand. He gripped it tenderly and affectionately. They exchanged no further words, just huddling closer and finding comfort in each other’s embrace.
Itsuki held Kei’s hand back, his grip on it slightly tight at first. He felt himself calming down a bit, as they sat there in silence. He took a deep breath, finally starting to relax a bit after the emotional conversation they just had. He closed his eyes for a moment, holding onto Kei with no intention of letting him go.
“Itsuki… I…” Kei rubs his thumb across Itsuki’s fingers. “I’m sleepy… but I want to stay up to see Rokuta make it back home…”
Itsuki hummed, listening to Kei as he spoke softly in a tired voice. He smiled faintly, intertwining their fingers together with the hand he was holding. "I know… But you should get some rest. I’ll make sure to wake you up when Rokuta gets home.”
“Please… and thank you…“ Kei blinks slowly, his eyes coming to a close.
Itsuki looked at Kei as he began to drift off, but before that could happen, he spoke up. “Kei. We are on a couch already. It would be more comfortable for you if you would lay down on it instead of leaning on my shoulder.”
Kei opened his eyes and looked up at Itsuki. “…That is true. But I don’t want you to get up and leave. Then I’d have to worry about both of you.”
Itsuki let go of Kei’s hand and took his arm away from holding Kei onto his shoulder. Kei looked confused, but Itsuki began to lie down on the couch behind Kei and opened his arms. “Then this would be the better alternative.”
Kei stared at Itsuki for a second, blinking with a surprised look before chuckling. “…If you’re okay with it, then I am too.” Kei leaned down to hug Itsuki. He closed his eyes and Itsuki stayed awake while Kei fell asleep.
At last, the door opened. Itsuki silently looked at Rokuta entering home. He smiled faintly as he saw the other getting excited before instantly getting quiet when he noticed him and Kei on the couch, hugging each other. Itsuki lightly shushed him with a finger to his lips, gesturing for Rokuta to come closer. Rokuta came closer, a curious and surprised look on his face, whispering, “Is Kei-chan okay~? He looks so comfortable… and sleeeepy.”
"He’s ok, no need to worry. He’s just a bit tired, and fell asleep like this…" Itsuki whispered, quietly and softly as well, keeping his voice as low as possible so he doesn’t disturb the peacefully sleeping Kei.
Hours passed, the night passed, and in the morning, Kei slowly opened his eyes and woke up. He saw Itsuki still cuddled up with him, but he was still worried about Rokuta. Sudden panic set in until Kei realized it felt quite confiscating for some reason. Kei turned to see that his back was being hugged by Rokuta. The panic went away almost immediately and Kei sighed out of relief.
1Nm8 was everything to Kei. He had to protect both of these important, peaceful and precious faces for as long as possible, for infinity. For Minori, his brother who he can’t afford to lose again, and for Itsuki, his newfound strength that he can’t afford to lose either.