Chapter Text
I.
The first time it happens after ballet practice.
Qiu had long outgrown the excitement they used to feel about the whole ordeal, whatever passion they had for it years ago now faded into a dull, muted hum lingering in the back of their mind. Honestly, if their dad didn’t keep on nagging them to “stop moping around the house and pick yourself up”, Qiu wouldn’t even be here today. They definitely don’t want to be here right now, underneath the glaring lights of the studio in a too-large space that still feels restricting. Where the deep burgundy walls and polished tan floors used to feel familiar now brings them discomfort, and that isn’t even including the dance mirrors spanning either side of the hall.
If it weren’t for the black out curtains, the view of the afternoon sky would be visible at its brightest peak. Judging by the time, they’ll probably make it home before the last of the sunset hits. Determined to do just that, Autumn turns away from the rest of the dancers as they fix their hair into another half-bun.
Taking their hair tie off and pulling their dark locks back is a careless, nearly mechanical gesture—which promptly gets interrupted as the studio door pushes open.
Qiu recognizes them instantly. Tamarack, with her shiny orange braid and purple sweater, a stark contrast to the muted palette of leotards nearly everyone else is wearing.
And right beside her is Alioth.
The other girl adjusts the straps of her backpack as she steps inside, gaze immediately flickering up at the glowing chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Autumn smiles a bit at that. Lio has always stared at the chandelier ever since they were kids, and the fact that she isn’t part of their ballet club only makes these moments more special to her. They can still recall the way her face lit up the first time she saw the glimmering display; how her deep brown eyes widened in awe.
Now her reaction’s subtler, but the wonder is still there—even as she meets their gaze. Qiu doesn’t realize they’ve been staring until Lio gives them a short little wave, smiling softly. All they can do is smile back.
But it’s then that Vianca approaches them, and by the way her expression brightens as the pair greets her with a warm hug, it’s clear that it’s her they really came here for.
It’s fine. Of course Lio has other friends now, you can’t be stuck hanging around with the same people forever. It doesn’t matter if that person is your neighbor or your very first childhood friend. It doesn’t even matter if they’ve been dancing longer or you used to stop by the studio for them before. That was years ago. Things are different now— Qiu is different, and if Tamarack and Alioth preferred to be graced by Vianca’s presence better then it’s fine! Not a big deal at all.
Besides, aren’t they the one who pushed everyone away in the first place?
The sound of Tamarack’s laughter breaks them out of their thoughts. Autumn glances back at her through one of the full-length mirrors. Even her reflection doesn’t fail to catch the timidness around her. It’s ironic, really. The old Tamarack loved to cause a ruckus, always so larger than life whenever she was happy. They don’t get to focus on that memory for long either because Alioth laughs too.
And as she does her short hair sways, revealing the gold earring dangling from her ear.
The first thing Qiu thinks is, she’s wearing my favorite color.
Then, it looks pretty on her.
And then, she looks pretty.
Which is a ridiculous train of thought because everyone has worn gold at least one point in their life. There’s a reason it’s so common for jewelry. There’s no reason why her wearing it should stand out this time.
But maybe it’s the October chill or the exhaustion from practice catching up to them, because all Autumn can pay attention to is how much of it is true. Lio is pretty, Qiu knows this already (it’s one of the first things they ever said to her after all.) But they’ve never really thought of it like this before. It never felt this way to think about it, seeing her carry herself so openly, the dark plum of her corduroy jacket bringing out the cheer across her features more.
Vianca moves forward to whisper in Lio’s ear, and whatever she says must be so funny that the other girl laughs again. She lightly taps her on the shoulder for it. The display makes something ugly settle at the pit of Qiu’s stomach, forcing them to tear their eyes away and firmly snatch their blue-checkered coat off the rack. It’s a conscious effort to not eavesdrop on the trio’s conversation despite the rest of the noise.
How can Lio just stand there and be pretty while she laughs at someone else’s jokes? The thought is sudden and bitter and Qiu finds that they can’t make it go away, so they just button up their coat more furiously instead. The movement jostles the faux-fur lining its hood.
“Qiu!” One of their classmates calls out. Another one of the girls they’ve overheard whispering about them during lunch. “We’re going to the diner later, do you wanna-”
“No thanks.”
Curt and cold. Autumn doesn’t even spare her a glance as they march to the studio door, hauling their bag up. Pushing it open with more force than necessary, they look over their shoulder one final time at the girls. Lio’s gaze flickers to theirs again at the very last moment, and something must’ve shown on their face because her eyebrows wrinkle in concern.
The door slams shut a little too loudly. It’s already old anyway.