Work Text:
You hadn’t meant to develop feelings for Angus. Truthfully, you wished it would go away as quickly as it was brought on. But with every moment you spent together you could feel yourself slipping further and further into the hole you’d dug yourself. He was a major pain in the ass, but he was also sweeter to you than anyone else had ever been. There was never a moment with Angus that you didn’t feel completely loved and cared for. He listened to all your problems, offered advice when you asked, cheered you on in all aspects of your life, and had always been there for you. You did all the same things for him gladly, and it created a beautiful friendship that cultivated your growing romantic love for him.
You and Angus met when you were twelve years old. You both attended the same private school for junior high and you had become fast friends. You were truly inseparable: walking to and from school, eating lunch, walking to class, hanging out after school, all the way down to your extracurriculars, you did everything together. When high school came around, you were devastated by the news that you would be attending different schools. You were shipped off to an all-girls boarding school and him to an all-boys school. However, with each school that he was sent to after being kicked out, you managed to keep in touch. Writing letters, spending all your dimes at the payphones, sneaking out: you refused to let distance break apart you and your very best friend.
When you realized your feelings for him last summer, you decided your best course of action was to bury them away. You had no reason to believe he felt the same way, so you figured if you never did anything about them, they would fade away and you wouldn’t risk losing him. However, burying your feelings only served to make them stronger. Suddenly, every time he touched you it felt like all your nerves lit on fire. Your heart raced in his presence and nothing else seemed to matter but him.
In an attempt to forget about your feelings for Angus, you begged your girlfriends at school to set you up on blind dates with other boys. You desperately wanted to just meet a half-decent boy that would fix the situation you had gotten yourself into. Unfortunately, though, all of the boys were either terrible people or just didn’t feel right. Even the nice ones you managed to find flaws in. In your mind, although you hated to admit it, nobody else was as good as Angus.
Another date in which the boy talked all about himself and barely let you get a word in led you to this moment. You stand at the window of your longtime best friend's dorm and knock just loud enough for him to hear. The chilly December wind sends a shiver through your body, and you hug your arms closer to your body.
Angus shoots his head up from the magazine he was half-reading. His eyes meet yours and he clumsily stands up from his tiny dorm room bed. He rushes over to the window and slides it open, beckoning you in from the cold. A record is spinning on the player, and you can hear the Beach Boys singing “God Only Knows,” one of your favorites.
"What the hell are you doing here? I thought you had that date with what's-his-name?" he asks, surprised but still visibly happy to see you. It's then that he notices your expression. Your features are laced with sheer disappointment and exhaustion. His face softens and he guides you over to his bed and sits down next to you.
"Didn't go so well." you say simply, eyes cast down to the floor. You shrug the heavy jacket off your body and sigh.
"I thought you liked this guy?"
"I thought so too. He was so nice to me when we met, but he was horrible when we went to dinner." you groan.
"I'm sorry. You wanna talk about it?" he asks. You shake your head. "Okay then." He takes your hand and interlaces your fingers comfortingly. You mindlessly rub your thumb over his knuckle as a means of grounding your swimming thoughts. Your spirit feels crushed from the failed attempt at making something work with the stupid boy you thought might distract you from whatever you feel for your best friend. Overwhelming feelings of failure and frustration cause emotion to rise in you. Your chest feels heavy, a lump forms in your throat, and tears begin to well in your eyes. Angus notices you becoming upset and turns his body to face you more directly.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” he comforts, pulling you into him and wrapping his long arms around you. A sob racks through your chest.
“I’m so sick of it, Angus.” you cry. Angus feels his heart crack.
Unbeknownst to you, Angus hated it when you went on these dates. Every time you told him about a new guy you were going out with, his blood boiled. At first, he couldn’t quite figure out why it made him so upset. He chalked it up to protectiveness over his best friend, or even just being sad you won’t be around him as much. But as time went on, it became increasingly obvious that these theories were not the whole story. He was jealous of those boys. He didn’t think anyone could ever know you as well as he did, or care for you the way he wanted to.
Angus had enough. He knew in this moment that he never wants to see you hurt like this again, even if it means breaking his own heart. He takes a deep breath before taking the leap of faith.
“Y/N, none of these guys you’re going out with are even close to good enough for you. You deserve the best the world has to offer." He pauses slightly to think of how to tell you his feelings. "You’re hilarious, you’re wicked smart, you’re way too clumsy for your own good, you’re goofy, your smile lights up every room, you’re beautiful, you’re caring and loving even when I don’t deserve it." He stops, smiling at his next words. "You’re perfect.” You pull your head away from his chest, staring into his eyes, tears still stained on your cheeks.
“I love you.” he says, almost whispering. Your eyebrows raise a little with bewilderment and hope.
“Like, you love love me?” you ask.
“Yeah. Love love.” he confirms.
Another tear spills from your eye, but this one is joyful. Your heart swells with happiness and you give a genuine and bright smile. Butterflies flutter in your stomach and relief washes over you.
“I love you too, Angus. God, I feel so silly right now. I only went out with those other guys to get you off my mind.” you laugh. He smiles back at you, a rare wide smile gracing his usually sour appearance. He wipes your tears away, his face only inches away from yours. He’s looking at you with more love than you’d ever seen.
“Can I kiss you?” he asks, shyly.
“Of course.” you respond, feeling nervous but dizzy with excitement. His hands cup your cheeks, and he gently moves forward, closing the gap between you. Your lips finally meet and it’s everything you ever dreamed of. His lips are slightly chapped, but they fit so perfectly with yours. Every nerve in your body is buzzing with exhilaration. You both grin like idiots through the kiss.
Eventually but reluctantly, you both pull away from the kiss. He smiles and pulls you back into him, laying you both down on his teeny bed. Your head is resting on his chest, and he has both arms wrapped around you. He places a gentle, loving kiss to the top of your head.
The record is still spinning across the room, and it’s nearing the end of the song.
God only knows what I’d be without you… the Beach Boys croon.
Suddenly, you’ve found that one of your favorite songs has taken on a new meaning.
God only knows what you’d be without him.