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Hua presses their entwined hands against Senti's chest, her heart beats fast against Hua's hand and nearly causes her to lose her breath. They're so close, closer than they have ever been before and being able to hold Senti's hand like this was making her feel warm and content in a way that was foreign to her, still.
She squeezes Senti's hand, gently and without thinking, causing her hand to twitch. Her eyes dart from side to side, never looking at her directly. Hua longs for her to meet her gaze, even more so when she could breath in her fast breaths of air. Would she dare to say her name? The reaction she gave whenever Hua said it was different from others, even Hua noticed though she still has her doubts whether or not it was a good sign, it seemed to but she doesn't want to assume. Would she ruin the moment if she would call out to her now?
Her hand snakes up to hold the back of her head and as she takes a breath. Senti near flinches, almost pulling away but held tightly in Hua's grasp, she has nowhere to go. Her hand moves as much as it can within Hua's grasp and briefly Hua worries she wants to leave but her face is red, hot, forehead burning against her own and her fingers curve around her own to get somewhat of a grip.
Her eyes are cast down.
An idea strikes Hua then. She could call her something else, perhaps it was less risky than her name now or perhaps it's actually riskier but Hua wants to call out to her like that. She wants to see how she would react, even more so when she is already like this.
So she sweeps the bits of courage together in her mind and does.
Something she wants.
Something she hopes Senti likes, too.
"Dear..."
It's all she gets out, she can't be asking a question yet. It might startle Senti too much and she herself isn't sure if she could handle the consequences.
Senti's eyes widen, gaze flicking up then back down and away, her heartbeat speeds up so much that Hua would worry if it wasn't for the adorable noise that Senti makes in an attempt to say something.
She stutters bits and pieces of noises and words and then, as expected, tries to pull away.
"Please don't." Hua begs in a quiet, gentle tone. Her eyes pleadingly gazing at her in hopes they'll meet but Senti is too...flustered?
She presses their hands harder on Senti's chest, not hard enough to cause discomfort but rather a reassuring kind of gesture. Or so she hopes.
Senti doesn't seem to mind, it doesn't make a difference from her current state, save for the little jump her heart seemed to make.
She's no longer making incoherent noises but audibly swallows. And though her jaw clenches, Her shoulders seem to droop a little and her forehead rests more against Hua's own now. Almost like she's melting within her hold but there is still something that Hua wants. Selfishly wants.
So she tries again.
“Dear, could you-” No, that’s not quite right. “If you don’t mind it, I want you to look at me.”
Being so clear about what she wants for herself is making her own cheeks heat up and she second guesses herself. Perhaps she shouldn’t have.
Unfocused, her gaze still rests on Senti’s face but she’s lost in her own thoughts until Senti’s other hand grips firmly onto her thigh, shaking enough for her to notice.
“Senti, it’s-”
She’s cut off by a mumble and an even tighter grip. Oh how she didn’t mean to use her name now, surely she ruined it now. All she wanted was to tell her she doesn’t have to.
Her eyes refocus, Senti doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Their holding hands are growing sweaty while Senti’s painted nails are creating marks in her skin.
Oh.
Her eyes are beautiful.
They’re velvet red, soft and glossed over slightly, her pupil is like the golden sun, shining across the reddened evening sky. Passionate, fiery still but it holds none of her usual aggressiveness.
If it was such an evening scene, it would be drizzling.
A tear drops from the corner of her eye and she’s biting her lip drawing blood. Trying to keep herself together, that much Hua can see.
Instinctively Hua reaches out to wipe her cheek with her thumb and Senti gasps.
“Sorry, “ Hua pulls her hand back. “Did I overwhelm you?”
Senti finally lets go of her own lip, blood drips down her chin, just to sneer at her.
“Shut up.”
Her voice is shaky and it tightens Hua’s chest, squeezing her heart with guilt. Did she push her too far?
Senti averts her eyes again and Hua almost pulls her back but stops herself just in time.
“I didn’t mean to.”
“I said…”
“Right.” Hua whispers another apology that results in an obvious frown on Senti’s face.
Hua’s gaze trails the blood on Senti’s chin, she wants to wipe it off but knows better.
She’s still here.
She isn’t even trying to escape her hold.
Her attention shifts back to her thigh and she takes note of how Senti’s hand has crept up ever so slightly. Nail marks peek out from underneath her hand and fingers, she’s definitely not imagining it.
Despite that, she has no idea where to go from here. What is she supposed to do? And what does Senti want? It's hard to talk with her about these things. Not that it was any easier for herself.
She peeks at Senti’s face again, she’s still frowning, the nails of both of her hands are now digging into her skin but it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that Senti’s eyes are definitely wet and the occasional tear rolls down her face.
It’s hard to see her like this, it hurts to see her like this yet, there is some kind of relief. A light flutter behind her heart, like a butterfly waking from slumber.
She hasn’t seen her like this before and she’s certain no one else has. Senti always made sure to let everyone know and see how strong she is and how she has no fear. Yet here she is, so close to her, holding her too, showing emotion she’s kept to herself.
Hua doesn’t want to leave her alone with it but she’s already holding her, more might not be wise.
“You… you-” Senti starts but mumbles something that Hua can only register as ‘dense old brick’.
Ah, did she misunderstand? It wouldn’t be the first time.
Senti tugs slightly on her hand even though she really can’t get any closer, her other hand loosens slightly like she wants to let go but grips again all the same.
She doesn’t want to let go then, what.
Cautious Hua lifts her hand again, brushing her thumb against Senti’s cheek, wiping away stray tears and a trembling sigh escapes Senti’s lips, her eyes fall shut.
Encouraged, Hua moves her hand to her other cheek, wiping any tears before moving back, resting her hand against the side of her face.
This is the first time she’s been able to touch and feel her face like this. She’s soft, a little wet of course, warm and if Hua didn’t know any better she would’ve thought she had a fever.
“Is it okay if I call you that?”
“Do whatever.”
Senti’s answer is short,cut off but not in her usual annoyed tone. It’s like she’s willing to let go but she doesn’t seem ready.
However much time she needs to be comfortable enough to say more, Hua would be there. Always.
She has more than enough patience, surely for her.
Senti’s hand moves slightly but she isn’t able to grab any higher up her leg, Hua lowers her own to place over hers and Senti grips on tightly as by reflex, her eyes open slightly and it’s like catching a cat in the act of something they aren’t allowed to do.
Except.
This is not the case.
Hua doesn’t mind at all, rather, there’s a warm tingle spreading through her everytime Senti moves her hand on her thigh, whenever her nails press into her skin again and there’s an unfamiliar thought in the back of her mind that she isn’t ready to face just yet.
“It’s- it’s alright.” Hua tries.
The silence is getting to her. Who knows how long they have been sitting here like this by now. Neither of them even remembers how it happened.
“Hua…”
Senti’s voice finally breaks the silence too, even though it’s faint and uncertain. Such a contrast to her usual self and a side that Hua is all too curious about.
Unfortunately she doesn’t seem to be able to say anything more but Hua’s content enough with the sound of her name still echoing in her ears.
She doesn’t want to let go and neither does it seem like Senti does.
It’s getting late, though.
And Senti’s lips are red stained with blood she really wants to wipe off now, it’s either that or-
Closer.
She’s staring and though Senti notices, she stays still like she’s waiting, pretty much holding her breath for whatever she hopes is to come.
It doesn’t really ring any bells for Hua, at least none that she can hear.
“Ah, Senti… you should be careful biting your lip like that.”
“Ha?” Taken aback by the sudden change in Hua’s demeanour like she’s straightening up to be professional for some reason, Senti pulls away slightly, their foreheads no longer pressed together though she’s still caught in Hua’s hands.
And then Hua lets go.
Both of her hands, leaving a coldness behind and for Hua herself, a strange kind of emptiness too.
Senti looks almost offended but it completely misses Hua who turns to look for something she can use to clean Senti’s chin with.
Unable to find anything she gets up.
“Please, wait a moment.” She heads off to the bathroom before Senti can protest but she wasn’t going to anyway.
She sits there, frozen, unable to process the current situation just yet and before she can really run her thoughts, Hua returns with a washcloth and presses it to Senti’s face.
Despite the expression Senti makes that would make one think Hua was being far too rough, she’s gentle and slow.
She lingers for far longer than she needs to before she finally pulls away and Senti gets a chance to breathe and open her eyes as Hua walks off to rinse the cloth and throw it with the laundry.
When Hua comes back, Senti still hasn’t moved, a soft smile tugs at her lips.
“You can stay if you want.” Hua says before a faint “I would like you to.” Follows.
Senti turns her head, crossing her arms trying to regain her composure.
“I’ll do as I please.”
“Alright.” Hua chuckles and is met with a frown but no indication whatsoever that Senti will move.
Perhaps Hua can hold her a little closer soon.