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Chapter Text

Being X was a real piece of work. Once again, he seemed determined to put me through a hellish existence. I was placed in an even more regressed world than in my second life. No modern creature comforts and in an era that was positively medieval. Only that wasn't good enough for Being X; no, he had to put me in a world with literal monsters. Honestly, I didn't even understand why was I even existing here. I had been certain oblivion would be what I had to look forward to upon my death. It just goes to show how foolish I was in believing anything that charlatan said.

Dying had been unpleasant enough, and it was made all the worse for the cruel irony of the situation.

I had no reason at all to fight so hard to protect the person I had been ordered to assassinate. The death of General Rudersdorf had been the entire purpose of me being with the convoy. It soured my stomach as I remembered how desperate I had been to make the defense look believable. The company I led had used our protective shells to literally body block the explosive formula and shots fired on the plane. I had underestimated how many Albion elites had been part of the assault, and the wave of fire had torn apart my defenses. Had I been using my normal stratagems; I would have dodged. I should have dodged. But I didn't; instead, I let fear of my duplicitous mission being found out cause me to take a poor risk.

Occasionally I wonder if my heroics saved the very person I had been sent to kill. There was no way of knowing, as this was clearly a completely different world.

My earliest years, I had little memory of, I suspect it was all in jumbles fitting two lifetimes of memories into a tiny undeveloped brain. By the age of three, everything I knew had returned to me. Boredom was my biggest foe, but soon was I was able to prove my precociousness, and my parents were able to teach me more. They were simple folks; he dug ore from the ground and she took care of the house and raised chickens for eggs and meat.

They had not been wealthy, but they hadn't been poor. Life wouldn't have been so bad, if it weren't for the fact, we lived in a nation bordering a place called The Blight. The Blight was home to monstrous humanoid creatures called Trollocs. These beings were typically nine feet tall and far stronger than humans. They had bestial features, ranging from those of canine, bird, bear and more.

These creatures regularly attacked Kandor. I was only six when my parents were slain in a Trolloc raid. Our little township was not right at the border but 15 miles in. It was a horrid night. Had it not been for my Mage abilities, I would have died along with my parents. I tried not to think about it.

The one nice thing about my current life is that I could still do some magic. This body had magic circuits, and I could to a small extent replicate what I could do with a computation orb. Before their invention there had been those rare few who had the ability to manipulate reality around themselves without the aid of technology, but it was so rare most thought it even a myth or an exaggerated story. There was a reason why the young were tested for magical ability, instead of just knowing they had it, it was because utilizing said ability was nearly impossible. Nearly. But not fully impossible, and that is what I studied and tried to perfect in my early childhood years.

Sadly, only to limited utility. The computation orb actualized phenomena by applying the appropriate amount of stimulus to the right location. It automatically calculated the appropriate amounts of mana needed with analog arithmetic and theoretically, whatever it could do could be replicated by applying said formulas yourself. So much easier said than done.

To put it simply you would need to be an idiot savant or some type of super genius to reliably use formulas to float, let alone fly without an orb.

I could mimic some of what a computation orb could do, but only the simplest of feats. The first I tested was the typically passive protective film used for personal defense on the battlefield. It wasn't that the more active defense shell which could stop high-caliber rounds but I had hoped it would stop simple physical attacks. It left a lot to be desired. Practicing by falling from differing heights I could calculate how many Newtons I could reliably use my protective film. The good news was I could fall a pretty fair distance; the bad news was that if my math was correct, and it almost always was, the film would shatter if a strong man, or an average Trolloc hit me with a weapon. Basically, good for one shot, and then I would have to reapply it.

I moved on from personal defense to other ideas. Explosive formulas scared the hell of me given that they combined multiple elements and would require a lot of math. Optical formulas were easier. After days of trial and error I finally mastered being able to use it mentally, though this wasn't as efficient as anchoring it by sticking out my arm. The power output wasn't anything like what I could do in my second life, but it wasn't useless. I could give someone a very nasty burn with it.

To be quite honest, I had never spent time in my second life testing the limits of orb-less casting. Maybe it was natural that doing it without a computation orb drastically decreased the power output, even while using the same equations. Or maybe it was that this world didn't have the same rules when it came to using magical circuits. My body felt the same, which was another oddity. Why in the hell did I look exactly like Tanya Degurechaff had in my second life? Why the hell was I named Tanya Degtyaryov in my third? Other family names here had a Slavic origin, so it wasn't necessarily out of the ordinary for the land. Some others were also East Asian, if I went by Earth origins. All this meant that Being X was still toying with me.

With my parents dead, the people of my town found me and decided to take me to Chachin, the capital of Kandor. My mother supposedly had a cousin who lived there. Not seeing a reason to object I did what the adults wanted. The city was impressive. It was built around several hills, and it actually had mountains within the interior. Three tall ring walls were behind a 100-foot-wide dry moat. Access across the moat to those walls required traversing one of the heavily guarded bridges across it.

This place was a fortress, and I was glad of it. The Trolloc raid in the middle of the night had been an awful experience, shattering my bit of childhood lackadaisicalness. I had even allowed myself to play with other children once or twice. It had felt silly doing so, but aerobic exercise was aerobic exercise and it had been… enjoyable. Several of those children were now dead from the Trollocs.

My mother's cousin was man named Derwan. The man was in his 30s and a widower with no children. He had been reluctant to take me in at first, but seeing as how I was kin he accepted. Part of his hesitation was that he had never had children of his own and had no idea how to care for me. His other apprehension was that his occupation was caravan guard for the Kandori Merchant's Guild. He spent a lot of time on the cross-Borderland route running from Bandar Eban to Fal Moran. This kept him out of the house for long periods of time, and I was still just six years old.

"Derwan, if I am left with food, I will be self-sufficient. I will ensure the house is kept clean and tidy while you are away. Once I am older, I will also be able to work whatever jobs are available to me."

He gave a sigh, "I suppose you don't have anywhere else to go. Very well, Tanya, I'll show you where you'll be sleeping and who to turn to if you need help while I'm gone. I have another week before I need to head out."

Derwan's home wasn't too bad all things considering. It had a kitchen and dining area and three rooms. A cot was provided to me and a pillow and linens. Derwan didn't own any books, which was disappointing but not surprising. I heard rustling in the kitchen and went out to see Derwan begin making a stew.

"Let me help with that."

"Can you even reach the counter?" He asked.

I was short again for my age, but this was mostly due to my age than any curse of diminutiveness Being X gave me. I went to the table and dragged a chair over and then stood on it.

"Problem solved."

"Light, you really don't need to help, you've just arrived."

I barely knew the man, but our familial connection was that of a direct sibling, grandparent, or parent. If I didn't pull my weight, I would likely be shown the door.

"It will be good practice when you are away with work," I replied.

He looked uncomfortable, but handed me some turnips and onions to dice. He watched carefully until he was certain I wouldn't cut myself.

"Burn me, you're good at that! Well done," he complimented.

The stew of turnips, onions, and dried meat was filling and we talked more at the table. I could tell he was awkward around me. I tried to put him at ease, but the more I nonchalantly chatted the more troubled he appeared. What was I doing wrong? Not seeing a ready solution, I opted to plead tiredness and go to bed.

***

​
"Surviving a Trolloc raid did something to her. Light forgive me, but she's broken."

Derwan was speaking with the herb woman, who provided remedies for common illnesses and poultices for cuts. Kamil was an older woman with graying hair and nodded in understanding.

"It is not uncommon for the mind to be injured after such horrors. Does she have nightmares?"

"No!" He threw up his hands in frustration. "That's the problem. She doesn't cry, she doesn't have nightmares, she doesn't speak of her parents, she doesn't seem happy, but she doesn't seem sad either. All she does is clean around the home, organize, and cook. When she is done with the chores, she assigns herself, all she does is sit in her room."

Kamil furrowed her brow. "Tragedy changes people. I can visit her if you would like, but I suspect she just needs time. You should arrange for her to be around other children." She let the statement sit there for a moment. "And Derwan, it has been seven years. It is a testament to the love you shared, but man was not meant to live alone. Find a wife who will also be a mother for the girl."

Derwan sighed. How could one contemplate replacing the one you treasured most? It was doubtless good advice. His family name would otherwise likely depart to when the last embrace of the mother took him. And maybe it was time…

That evening he returned home. Tanya greeted him immediately. "Derwan, the clothes are all washed and packed for your trip. I took the liberty of trying a different recipe for hard bread that should keep on your journey, with the peppers you like."

Derwan was very concerned over his adopted daughter, however he had to admit that whoever married her in the future would be a lucky individual indeed. Her zeal to organize and prepare things had been most welcome.

"You didn't have to do all that; you are family, not a servant."

"I like to pull my own weight."

"Well, thank you. It will make the journey easier. I'll be away for some time with merchants. Is there a doll or dress you would like me to purchase for you?"

"Nothing is necessary, I am quite content with what you have provided."

"Tanya… I took you in and I will be a proper parent for you. Surely, you want something."

She hesitated and Derwan leaned.

"Books interest me, I know how to read."

That was surprising, children were taught letters, when time allowed, but it was usually when they were in their teens.

"Ah hah, well I will see what I can."

Tanya quickly amended her statement, "A history book, please, not stories."

Derwan just shook his head in exasperation. She was an odd one, but he'd do his best to get her what she wanted. Maybe it would even help her get past the tragic deaths of her parents.

***

​
I had done the best I could to showcase my utility. The simple reality is that Derwan did not like me around, and I could commiserate. In my first life, if I had to take care of a six-year-old, I would be doing all I could to get rid of them. Taking care of family for the short term was clearly seen as his duty, but I knew he would be looking into whatever passed for orphanages.

I didn't want that to happen; this setup was perfectly ideal. Derwan would be gone for two months, and that gave me an exceptional amount of time to work on practicing with my magic and learning a bit more of the wider world. I wouldn't be lax on my physical form either. This was still the Borderlands, where Trollocs could come boiling out of The Blight at any moment. While the walls of the capital had not been breached in living memory, best to be prepared and not need it than not be prepared and need it.

He had left me a small bag of silver marks for food and other things I would need. Derwan also let me know that I should go to Kamil if I needed anything, anything at all. I was also told to try to make friends with other children, which was a complete waste of time, but I would need to find one or two to make nice with me. Maybe even bribe with a few copper pennies to say how we were now friends once Derwan returned. I'd not give him a reason to think I was disobedient.

Experimenting further with magical formulae was productive. A computation orb would have made everything easy, but even without it I could concentrate and run through the mathematical requirements to alter reality locally. Flying was out, but I could hover. I could also push myself in any direction I desired at a high rate of speed briefly. From a standing position it was passably easy to do the math, but once I was accelerating it became nearly impossible to apply additional vectors on the fly.

The biggest surprise was how internal alterations to my body, weren't that complicated. The reflexive enhancements, which essentially just sped of my brain and improved my coordination, were easy to keep going. Not all day, the use of the formulae still tired me out, but I could keep it up for almost two hours if I didn't use it for anything else. I could also dope myself up on pain killers and mimic the effects of powerful drugs.

The protective film was easy to maintain as it did not require constant usage of my magical reserves. I felt far more secure wearing it around me all day. It was effectively invisible and it allowed smaller particles like air to pass through so I could breathe without issue. It did have to be taken down when I ate.

Complex illusions were too difficult, but I could use simple ones that didn't move. Not overtly useful, specially with how Trollocs also used smell, but I bet it would work as a distraction when necessary. All in all, I felt good about my combat repertoire.

My parents had taught me about the world, about The Blight, and the Dark One, about Trollocs, and other basic stories. One of those was Aes Sedai. Women who could channel the One Power and do all sorts of amazing things. Fling fire, call lightning, heal the sick, and more. I suspected that my magical circuits were also within these Aes Sedai, but I wasn't sure. Unfortunately, the Aes Sedai were incredibly rare and did not often travel from their base of operations, a city called Tar Valon that held the White Tower.

Also, I had never heard of anyone's magical circuits driving someone mad. Yet here in this universe, all the male users of the 'One Power' invariably went insane. That didn't add up, though maybe it was some sort of propaganda to ensure a matriarchal control on magic. I'd need to get answers at some point, but it was hardly pressing for now.

Time passed, as it was wont to do, and I explored the city a bit more. Chachin was large and a bit of a trade hub in the Borderlands. The main road to the south that passed through Tar Valon flowed through the city. Crime was highly localized to certain streets and neighborhoods. Our home was modest, but it was a relatively peaceful neighborhood. Theft was rare, dueling however was not. Near everyone was armed and matters of pride and honor were serious things. Dueling didn't always, or even typically, end in death, but in the two months I was left alone I'd seen two men die in duels.

Something else that was interesting compared to my former lives was that the law forbade the wearing of any sort of face covering. That was to prevent any Myrddraal from sneaking about the city.

As awful as Trollocs were, Myrddraal were significantly worse. Though what was rumor and what was fact, I wasn't certain. Myrddraal reportedly had the ability to 'fade' away, which sounded like some sort of teleportation ability. They had no eyes, but could see perfectly and there was a saying that said that "the look of the eyeless was fear," and men spoke of it as true. Slaying one earned someone the title Dreadbane. Beyond that they were supposed to be incredibly dangerous with their swords and nearly impossible to kill. Truly something spawned from the pits of Being X's depraved imagination.

I listened to conversations in my wandering and noted the prices of goods. I occasionally played with the children; simple games like tag seemed universal, even across universes. These games were played, despite the cold. The land of Kandor wasn't artic but it would be analogous to the northern portion of the Empire - or Germany if I went by my first life. It had four seasons, but winter brought snow and bitter cold, and it was halfway through spring before they melted away.

Two months passed quickly and Derwan would be home soon. Everything was as it should be at the house. I had visibly played with other children. There should be no cause to abandon me to some orphanage.

***

​
Guard duty was simple enough, and keeping to the main road meant few brigands would chance an attack. Between the general wariness of potential Trolloc raids and the presence of Sniffers in most of the major cities of the Borderlands, it was a fool's game to try.

Desperate men sometimes did desperate things. Derwan woke to arrows flying down, and he and the other dozen guards quickly drew their blades and find the archers. The bandits no doubt had hoped to kill a few more with arrows but their aim was poor. Still, two of his companions were dead. That hadn't happened in years.

The merchant would pay the families of the men extra, and the rest of them too. Derwan had a heavy purse when he returned, and he had been able to purchase not just one, but two books for his adopted daughter. One was a book that the merchant said was a historical account of Artur Hawking's reign. Derwan knew how to read, but not well, but the book seller seemed trustworthy. The second book was one about the "Succession Wars" in Andor. He wasn't sure if Tanya would truly enjoy these, but the other options were tales, or books of poetry, or collections of obscure knowledge, and not history.

He had also resolved to take Kamil's advice and find a woman to marry. It had been long enough, and Tanya needed a mother. Light knew he had no idea how to be a father.

He arrived to a nearly spotless home. Items were laid and ready to be cooked and Tanya greeted him.

"Welcome home Derwan, I did not know the exact time you would be returning, but I'll start supper now."

Derwan smiled at her. "Thank you, Tanya. I've brought you some gifts, but you can have them on one condition."

She looked excited for a moment and then guarded.

"Condition?"

"Call me da, I can never replace your father, but I will do my best."

A small smile appeared on her face, "Your terms are acceptable… da."

Feeling much better he fished out the two books and felt at peace for the first time since he had agreed to take his cousin's daughter in.

Chapter Text

It had been two years, and Derwan had not abandoned me. I credit myself for proving to be extremely useful. Beyond just cooking, cleaning, and household maintenance, I also created a breakdown of his spending and income over a year. I taught him how to budget and how to set fiscal goals and what he desired to do. This was rather important, as being a guard became less lucrative the older one got. It was unsurprising, yet still abhorrent to me, that he had almost no coin set aside for retirement.

Derwan had explained that in his dotage, I was supposed to care for him. For a few seconds, I thought he was serious, but he then broke out into a grin. Whew. I tended to be an exceptional judge of character and had a keen insight into what made people tick, but jokes didn't always land the same in a completely different culture.

Things did change in those two years. I became more proficient with using magical formulae; aiming my optical beams was simple now. I still couldn't fly, but I could rocket myself into the air and fall, and then rocket myself again before I landed. It likely would not be something useful to do in a fight, but burn me, it was fun.

Derwan met a lady friend who was clearly going to be his wife soon. Seeing the writing on the wall, I was quick to ingratiate myself with her and pay her compliments on her outfits and hair. Her name was Jana, and she was a thin woman of middling height with blond hair kept short. She was younger than Derwan by several years and had an infectious energy about her. It was a bit exhausting sometimes, if I were honest. Still, she made him happy and that was sufficient. She worked at a local inn as a server.

The books my adopted father got me were quite interesting. I couldn't help but notice that Artur Paendrag Tanreall was very similar to the British legend of King Arthur. The wars of Andor were less interesting, as I didn't have sufficient context to know why certain historical figures acted the way they did, but at least I knew a bit more of the world. Over the last two years he picked up another couple of books. To my welcome surprise, there were rudimentary printing presses in existence. The text of most books had block letters as opposed to natural handwriting. Strange how they had that and not other advances. I suppose having to fight off regularly incursions of monstrous creatures tended to create an uneven technological advancement.

Jana had returned from her shift excited that there was a gleeman playing at the inn she worked. Gleeman were a cross between a musician, storyteller, and acrobat. I had only seen one in passing, but they were supposed to have all the best stories, could juggle, and frequently play instruments like the flute. Gleeman tended to like playing at the higher levels where the richer merchants tended to stay at more luxurious inns.

We went as a family to eat, drink, and be entertained. The common room was nearly full when we got there, and the gleeman had not yet began performing. We enjoyed the meal, and within the hour the gleeman appeared in his multihued cloak. He began by juggling multi-colored balls. The crowd seemed to appreciate the dexterity displayed, and copper pennies soon filled a basket near him.

My eyes widened in sudden avarice. With my reflexive enhancements, it would be simple to juggle. I wouldn't even be limited to colored balls, I could even juggle knives. Hmm, maybe if they let me; I was still only eight.

The gleeman moved from juggling to singing and then to tale-telling. His cadence seemed to draw the ear. He knew what he was doing, and the tales he told were easy to follow. The most popular was "The Great Hunt of the Horn." A legendary artifact that could call ancient heroes from the grave to fight against the Shadow.

I wondered about the logical inconsistency of that tale. Religion in this world was oddly not hierarchical, but also seemingly universally believed. There were no priests, deacons, or pastors. There were no churches, mosques, or temples. And yet all believed that the 'Creator' had created them and bound the Dark One in Shayol Ghul, at the moment of creation. They believed in the Light and that the Dark One must be resisted at all times.

But that was mostly it. There weren't any holy books or scriptures. It was… odd. They didn't even burn witches! I wonder if the nations not on the Borderlands were different. I had heard stories of the Whitecloaks, who did seem more like an organized religion. They were held in almost universal contempt in Kandor. The people here fought the Dark One's minions, the Trollocs, and the Myrddraal. Where were the Whitecloaks if they truly opposed the Dark One?

By no means was I complaining about the weirdly vague religious beliefs of this land. It was nice not having weekly worship sessions to some faker who was more likely to be a devil than a true omnipotent deity. I, of course didn't believe in this hogwash about a Creator deity either, but it seemed as if no one here expected any outward sign of faith in said Creator, so it just wasn't an issue.

I did wonder if Being X, or some similar creature, was this Dark One. Everyone believed the Dark One existed, and with Trollocs and Myrddraal, it was easy to see why. But that was rather shortsighted; just because there were monstrous creatures, that didn't mean they were directed by some malevolent quasi-deific creature. They could just be random mutations or some offshoot of humanity that evolved differently.

My thoughts were interrupted by Jana who asked me, "What did you think Tanya? Wasn't that amazing?"

"Oh yes! It was amazing, thank you for bringing me." I paused and then asked, "I bet I could do that sort of juggling. Do you think your boss would allow me to do that in front of an audience?"

Derwan chuckled. "The gleeman made it look easier, but it's actually challenging."

"It wouldn't hurt to try, da," I responded. I then looked back to Jana, awaiting a response.

"I can ask, though I would only think it appropriate during the day and ending before dusk. But let's see you try first, little one." She wrapped me in a hug, that I allowed.

They were humoring me. However, the next day I demonstrated my absurd dexterous abilities with my reflexive enchantment. They had found for me a half dozen small balls that were like what the gleeman had used. I easily kept all six in the air for several minutes. Derwan and Jana applauded and gushed over my ability and were encouraging.

That was how I started my first part time job at the tender age of eight.

***

​
Within a year the two had been married and now Jana was pregnant. At first, I was alarmed that I would be replaced by a true offspring of Derwan's, but that was just being silly. The man had proven himself. He didn't need to take me in for so long and help raise me, yet he had done so. Also, now that I knew I could make money doing simple tricks of agility, I was just not as worried.

Doing my juggling act almost always got me scores of coppers pennies, and occasionally silver mark! More than enough to feed and house myself if necessary. My act did grow stale with time, and so I combatted that by expanding to performing at other inns and taverns as well. Always under supervision from either Derwan, Jana, or one of their trusted friends.

A few times I found a children's ball roughly the size of a soccer ball and did my best impression of Kazuyoshi Miura. Keeping the ball in the air with just feet, knees, and the occasional header delighted the crowds. Especially when I pretended to be frantic and just barely managing to keep it aloft. I also changed what I would juggle. My adopted parents refused to let me use knives, even though with my reflexive enhancements it was child's play.

Working during the day at the inn did put me in contact with a variety of folk. The most common were the members of the other Borderland nations. Arafellin travelers often had bells in their hair. Groups from Saldaea were interesting in that they had just as many female travelers as male, which was unusual compared to other lands. I was surprised to see some women from Malkier with what looked like a bindi. Only in this world it was called a ki'sain, and meant different things. I also saw Shienaran men and their distinct topknots.

I didn't see many people from the south, though I knew trade from Tar Valon was common. As I read more and learned from books, and just from listening to stories in these inns, the more fascinated I became with meeting an Aes Sedai and confirming if they also used their 'channeling' like I used my magical circuits.

Unfortunately, Aes Sedai were rare. To my knowledge only a couple of Aes Sedai had come to the city in the last several years and had only stayed briefly. Of course, they didn't stay down here with the regular folk, they were hosted within the Aesdaishar Palace. I would make it my goal to try to encounter them sometime soon. The city respected Aes Sedai, but and any conversation about them was tinged with the warning to always be respectful around them lest you suffer some dire consequence.

The history of this world was interesting, though my knowledge was surely less than complete. From books, gleeman tales, and general knowledge this current 'Age' that we lived in was the result of the Age of Legends coming to an end. Text and tales suggested that the Age of Legends was a blissful utopia, before the Dark One mucked it all up. Then the Dark One, and his Forsaken, were sealed away by a messianic figure known as the Dragon. This seemed to be a title as opposed to a descriptor, as he was human. Stories suggest that the Dragon will one day be reborn and both save, or destroy, the world.

The Dragon also is known as a kinslayer who went made and caused the Breaking of the World. A time of terror and death on a scale unimaginable. Eventually things settled down and history progressed until the great Trolloc Wars. For hundreds of years humanity was on the brink as Trollocs invaded and killed. Eventually, humanity succeeded in surviving and the Trollocs retreated to the Blight.

Several hundred years passed from there and a 'False Dragon' a man who proclaimed himself the Dragon Reborn gained power and was defeated whole armies. Eventually, Artur Hawking defeated him and then unified the nations under one banner. That empire did not last long after his death. Several new nations sprang forth, more or less the ones we have today.

Despite the constant threat from the Blight, the Borderlands was quite stable. Conflict between the five nations that made up the Borderlands were rare and short lived. The threat of the Trollocs was simply too great. Here in the capital city guarded by impressive walls and a massive dry moat, one was safe. But other cities, towns, villages, and farms, were not. Trollocs attacks were a constant reality and one that Kandor constantly had to be on guard for.

It offended my sensibilities that mankind had not found a solution for the Trollocs. How could we tolerate a constant, seemingly never-ending threat right on our doorstep? Could the Trollocs reproduce again in numbers like they did in the Trolloc Wars, we would be in big trouble. Well, not much I could do about it now. Right now, my focus was making things easier for my adopted mother as she went through childbirth. That was something I could do, and while I was loathe to even try using any medical formulae on a human, I had tried it on similar critters. I could heal cuts and abrasions readily enough, but doing something about blood loss or organ failure would be beyond me. I also did not want to showcase what I could do to others; I trusted my family, but it would bring unwelcome questions.

***

​
I ended up not needing to use any sort of medical knowledge or medical formulae. Despite giving birth to twins, both the babies, and Jana were quite healthy. Derwan was quite relieved and thrilled with the new additions to his family.

The girl was named Jolie and the boy was named Casimir. I had two little siblings. The happiness that seemed to radiate from my parents was infectious. I never really liked children, but found myself bonding with the two little extra mouths to feed. Between my income and Derwan now being asked to lead the guards in various trade routes the family was easily able to weather my mother not working at the inn.

I got wind of an Aes Sedai who arrived in the city. Of course, she was staying at the palace, but eventually she had to leave. She would have to travel down to the lower levels and pass through the gates to return to Tar Valon. That would be my chance to see what they were about.

I was nearing 10 now, but thanks to Being X I was once against diminutive in stature. I had enough to eat this go around! It wasn't malnourished, and yet I was still short? Argh. I took fewer juggling shifts and essentially camped out in the most likely path toward the most likely exit of the city if one were headed to Tar Valon. I also took the time to circumspectly try to learn more about the Aes Sedai visiting.

She was slender and dark of hair. People called her Nesune Sedai. The proper way to address an Aes Sedai was by their first name and then the honorific at the end. I idly wondered why it was the first name and not the last name. Maybe channeling was an inheritable trait, and sometime in the past they chose to use the first name to avoid confusion? A thought for another time.

I went home to sleep of course; I doubted the Aes Sedai would depart at night without good reason. On the third day I was in luck. Nesune Sadai appeared walking by a pair of tall men with swords at their waists. Were these the legendary Warders that Aes Sedia commanded in battle? There were a ton of contradictory information about these warriors, but just looking at the two I didn't get any sense that they were particularly special.

As for Nesune, she wore a simple traveling dress without ornament. She wore no jewelry save for the Great Serpent Ring. Her age was hard to tell, and I narrowed my eyes in minor confusion. Her face had an ageless quality to it that didn't tell me much. It almost made me believe that she had created some sort of illusionary mask, to hide her real face.

I had thought about how to approach the Aes Sedai, and if I was cursed to be short, I may as well use it to my benefit. I approached openly with a huge smile on my face.

"Aes Sedai! Aes Sedai! I want to become an Aes Sedai just like you!"

As I spoke with deliberate childish exuberance, I spun up a reflexive enchantment and reapplied my protective film. It was said Aes Sedai could sense potential in children. This was quite different from my second life, but who knew what paths and focuses this world had.

The Aes Sedai titled her head, almost like a bird, and looked at me.

"Only a few have the potential to channel, child."

"Can you check if I can?"

"No, child, you are too young," she said, not unkindly. "Give it a good ten years. I cannot promise someone will be here to test you, but you can always make the journey to the White Tower."

Hmm, so the general accepted understanding was that young children couldn't use magic. Was this true in this world or just a safety precaution? I wanted to ask more but even as she finished her statement she was walking past.

I began to walk with her, and before one of heavily armed guards could say anything I launched into more childish questions.

"What's it like using it? Can you really heal people from any illness?"

She paused. "Child, I have things I must see to. I applaud your inquisitiveness, but I am not hear to speak with children."

One of the men spoke with an accent I couldn't place, "You do be needing to leave Nesune Sedai alone."

Well, I didn't want to create too much of a nuisance. The whole experience had been somewhat frustrating. Whatever Aes Sedai used to test potential mages seemed to be relegated to when I would be older. And they, or at least Nesune, could not tell I was using magic right in front of them!

"All right, bye!" I cheerfully waved. Several of the others on the street looked aghast at what I had just done, and a few muttered about kids running loose and being disrespectful. I returned to my day to day and prepared to be patient.

***

​
Another year passed and I was now 10. The twins were a handful for the family. I would have thought I would prefer my juggling over caring for them, yet it wasn't so. I suspect it was some sort of natural human instinct, possibly even gender related, that made me not mind too much. They were inquisitive and seeing their skillset grow week over week was enjoyable.

Seeing a subordinate's skillset grow is a classic sign of good leadership and management. I knew Derwan would not abandon me if I was less capable, but it was good not to be a burden. My juggling act expanded again to include tumbling and gymnastic-type moves. Jumping on tables, tumbling off of them, and doing handstands were crowd favorites.

We were doing quite well fiscally, when further opportunity knocked. The Kandori Merchant's Guild operated the trade routes across the Borderlands. Joining the guild, merely required capital and an agreement to follow the guilds rules. Between Derwan's better pay, and my steady income, even with the twins we were saving quite a bit of coin. Enough so that Derwan could finance a trade route with the Kandori Merchant's Guild and start making some real wealth.

It was a risk; bandits weren't very common. Not with how every man knew how to wield a blade this close to the Blight. The other major risk was that if the route did not extend south, Trollocs were always a worry. There were other dangers too, of the more mundane variety. Wagons could break or rough weather could mire the roads. Similar quality goods could arrive in a city or town right before you did, and you could see your profit margins shrink, or even disappear when accounted for expenses like the guard's salary.

I knew Derwan was nervous about making this step, but I wanted to see it happen. If it went well, he could gain leverage to even start being a partial backer in other caravans. What greater joy hath man, then passive income?

"Da, this is a great opportunity! You've done these routes for years; you know the best guards to hire."

Derwan took in a deep breath. "Tanya, this is a big decision. So much could go wrong. I don't know if I want to risk all the hard work you did."

I smiled at him. "I'm 10. I can always do more later. Don't you want to see Jolie and Casimir one day live on a higher level? They could be full members of the Merchant Guild and accomplish great things. At the very worst, we start over. Fortunate favors the bold, da."

He mirrored my smile. "Very well, I shall try."

"We shall try. I want to go with you."

"No."

I frowned. "The route is safe enough for families to trade. Why can't I?"

"Families travel when they need to. You don't need to. Your mother will also need help with the twins."

That was a valid point. It stressed me, knowing that I wasn't going to be part of it to ensure its success. I would just have to trust Derwan. I would make sure that in the future, I was a part of these endeavors, but it could wait until my siblings were older.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3


I smiled as little Jolie managed to stand upright and toddle a few steps before falling into my arms. She was a happy baby, and I enjoyed seeing her success. Her brother Casmir stubbornly refused to even try it. Instead, he scampered about on hands and knees with impressive speed.

Life without Derwan was a bit different. I didn't perform as often and instead kept Jana company, helping her with the kids. If the venture proved successful, the loss of my economic activity would be quite minor. He was due home any day now, and my new mother was jittery. In theory, this was no more dangerous than Derwan's regular guard duty, but it felt different to both of us.

Fortunately, our worst fears did not come true. Derwan arrived home, and I found myself sighing with relief. I'd like to say it was due to avoiding an economic setback, but I couldn't fool myself any longer. I truly cared for Derwan, Jana, Jolie, and Casmir. In my second life, I had nothing in the way of family, thanks to the orphanage. It seemed Being X was going to curse me again by seeing my parents murdered by Trollocs. But this time, I was saved from that fate by Derwan. Was it gratitude? Was it the warm feeling of a functional family that cared for each other? Either way, I enjoyed this dynamic and wanted to see my family happy.

The best way to do that was to help them gain wealth. It would be good for Derwan to retire before he became old and gray, his reflexes dulled with age. With my da joining the Kandori Merchants' Guild, this possibility was likely to become a reality, assuming there were no disastrous expeditions.

"Tanya, Jana tells me you've been the perfect daughter while I've been gone. Thank you."

Of course, I had been dutiful. Even if I now knew they wouldn't throw me out if I didn't constantly prove my worth, it didn't mean I wasn't going to do my part. Doing your part enhanced your reputation and proved to your organization you were a valued member, but it was more than that. If you developed lazy habits, you'd become like that irrational fool who ended my first life. I had no qualms about resting when appropriate, but even then, I valued improving my skills. And, well, I cared for my siblings and Jana.

"You are welcome, and I am glad all was in order upon your return. How were the returns on…"

Derwan laughed and ruffled my hair. "Later, but I'll tell you now that it went well, so you quit worrying!"

I suppose that was fair. We sat down and enjoyed a delightful meal. The young ones were fast asleep, and we caught up. I saw the glances between my adopted parents and realized I was being a third wheel to their, ah, physical desires. I excused myself and let them enjoy their reunion.

Those amorous glances turned into another bundle of joy, and soon our family grew from five to six mouths to feed. With Derwan's success, there was no fiscal hardship, even with Jana no longer working outside the home. Time seemed to accelerate, and before I knew it, little Tamrin joined us.

The birth had not needed my intervention, and I was glad everything had gone well. Derwan wore a ready grin. He had found success in his business dealings and now had three, four if you counted me, happy and healthy children. As far as being a respected man in Chachin, he was essentially at the peak, short of being a war-hero.

A year after Tamrin was born, Derwan finally allowed me to attend one of the trade journeys. The only reason I was probably allowed was because he felt it appropriate that I visited the graves made for my original parents. I was twelve now and still could be mistaken for a girl not yet in her double digits, at least until I spoke.

Derwan had done quite well for himself, and we'd built up a large stockpile of wealth, so much so that he now held a stake in several other mercantile ventures. By spreading out his investments instead of being a full partner in any one caravan, the risk of catastrophic loss was lessened. The largest portion of his net worth was still tied to the expeditions he himself led.

With several wagons, a half dozen guards, and eight extra hands for driving and unloading, we made the return to where I had been born in this life. It had not stirred much emotion in me, but I paused silently and then simply stated, "May you shelter in the Creator's hand until the Wheel weaves you again."

"Do you remember much of them?" Derwan asked, voice low.

"Some. I like to look forward, da. There's not much to be gained in dwelling on their deaths, but thank you for bringing me with you."

He gave me a small smile and a hug, and we traveled a bit further before calling it a night. Nights in the Borderlands always had a watch. I was exempted from that duty, though my war-bred instincts kept me on high alert even as the guards on duty cried out.

"TROLLOCS!"

My father cursed and fumbled for his blade, suddenly awake and on edge after the alarm.

"Stay inside, Tanya," he ordered hastily as he ran out.

To hell with that.

I had no desire to be helpless in a pillbox. If the numbers were against us, my only hope would be to run or to hide. Being in an open tent wasn't ideal. Plus, I had an obligation to try to keep Derwan alive. Society functioned based on reciprocity. He took me in, and I had a level of filial loyalty to repay.

Guttural roars split the air, and my hands found the belt knife at my side. I had another blade tucked away as a second weapon. Either could be thrown, though they weren't particularly balanced for it. I felt the rush of adrenaline, my body's fight-or-flight chemicals activating and filling me with the urge to get into the thick of it.

Our bodies are wondrous things. By all logical reasoning, I should be terrified. I should not wish to fight, but because of the body's natural chemical push to give me energy in times of peril, I was filled with an almost manic thrill. To an outside observer, they would probably think I was enjoying risking my life!

The massive forms of the Trollocs appeared. They towered over the men. One was hawk-beaked, wielding a jagged blade. It slashed down with incredible force, but the men of Kandor were no fools. Instead of attempting to block such a vicious cut, the guard leaned away and slashed into the body of the monstrous creature. It hissed in pain, but the thick sinew, or possibly bone, prevented anything vital from being struck. Another Trolloc, this one with a wolf's head, charged into the same guard, who would have no doubt perished if not for my father's timely arrival.

More men exited the tents as yet more Trollocs descended. The laborers had knives as well as spears, while they were not guards, all men of the Borderlands knew how to fight. A crude war-horn sounded out. I spied two more Trollocs nearing my father and began racing for them. They spotted me, and the lead one made a chuffing sound and attempted to hit me with a beaten piece of metal in the vague form of a sword.

Too slow.

I slid under the attack and ripped open its femoral artery, then used a vector to change my trajectory and launch myself at the other Trolloc. Caught lacking, my dagger slammed into its eye and into its inhuman brain. I wrinkled my nose at the stench that came from the two. These were filthy creatures that made me feel grimy just being around them.

I looked over to see Derwan skillfully fighting. A bow twanged out, and a Trolloc gave a roar of pain as an arrow struck his chest. Despite the arrow lodged there, it came on, and the bowman tried to nock another arrow before the monster could reach him. I helped by forming an illusion of another human appearing in its path. The confused Trolloc slashed at the air, shook his head, and resumed its charge. It was enough. The next arrow took it in the neck. This time the Trolloc went down with a gurgle.

The Trollocs wavered as the men of Kandor fought back with savage ferocity. Derwan had led guards all his life; he was well-liked, skilled in his own right, and knew how to pick good companions. They had found a harder target than they must have anticipated. And yet, in an instant, the wavering Trollocs stiffened as something else entered the battlefield.

The new figure glided onto the battlefield. From head to toe it was garbed in black, from the cowl to its boots, and to the dark blade it wielded. It moved with apparent slowness but closed the distance between itself and the nearest guardsman. Even I was surprised by its speed, and the black blade thrust through the guard's leather jerkin as if it weren't even there.

"M-Myrddraal!" someone cried out in despair.

My father cursed and shouted, "Do not let the fear unman you!"

I dispatched another pair of Trollocs and raced to aid my father, who had taken a big risk to create an opening and thrust deep into the heart of a Trolloc. The beast had fallen with his sword still stuck in it, and my father was trying to wrench it free as the Fade approached. An arrow streaked at the Myrddraal, only to be slashed away in mid-air.

I circled around, killed another Trolloc, then moved to flank the creature as my father finally wrested free the blade. Another guardsman died on the Fade's blade, and two of the wagon drivers fled into the night after loosing the horses as a distraction.

I dashed forward as silently as I could, but evidently not silently enough. The Fade turned and slashed with blinding speed. With my enhanced reflex formula, I could see it coming and narrowly dodged.

"Tanya? RUN! GET AWAY!" Derwan shouted in panic as he charged it.

The viper-like speed of the black blade was challenging to avoid, and at one point, I had to use a vector to keep it from striking me. My father had only taken two steps in the time I had to dodge five strikes. I drew my hidden knife and threw it with deadly accuracy at the creature's face, only for its free hand to bat it aside.

With a hiss, it turned away from me just as my father arrived. Their blades clashed, and in an instant, I knew my father could not win this fight. It wasn't just a matter of speed or skill, but also in raw strength. My father's guard was battered aside, and he almost died in the first exchange. Only his exceptional footwork and reflexes prevented the second stroke from opening his chest.

I was not idle and had taken the time to ram my dagger into the thing's back. I was certain I had hit the spine, but a quick twist and a sharp elbow toward my face meant our foe had not suffered serious damage. The stories said that a Myrddraal was far tougher than a Trolloc, and that appeared to be true.

Derwan had tried to use that opening, but it was futile. I dashed in again, and the Fade struck out with a powerful blow, forcing Derwan back, then whirled again upon me. He had caught me in midair, and the black blade was going to split me in two. My dagger came up with the perfect block, but the sheer force of the blow sent me flying, and the black edge of the blade cut into my arm, or would have, if not for my protective film, which shattered.

The Fade hesitated, and I got the sense of confusion before an arrow struck it in the shoulder. The thing hissed, more so in annoyance than in pain, and strode toward me. I bared my teeth and looked it in the eye. A sense of overwhelming oppression and terror beat down on me, and I ignored it like I did the fury of Being X.

I danced forward with a feint and then used a vector to move away from his blade. I ducked, dipped, dashed, and slashed. When Derwan joined the fight, the Myrddraal could not focus on me, but when his attention wandered, I slashed his leg, stabbed him in the side and the arm. And still the damned thing kept fighting.

I saw our bowman friend now fighting a Trolloc and realized that very few were still breathing, man or Trolloc.

"I will kill you and then let the Trollocs play with your spawn." The voice rasped like dry leaves crumbling. The intention was clear: it was trying to goad Derwan.

With a roar of anger, Derwan redoubled his attacks, and I frantically stabbed the Fade again. He accepted a blow from Derwan, choosing not to parry, instead leaning back, ready to thrust into the opening. Terror seared through my brain, and I thrust my hand out, sped through the optical formula, and summoned a blast of radiant light that struck the back of the Fade's head.

Its blow forgotten, it turned to me. The cowl had briefly caught fire, and the back of its head was scorched in the process.

"What are you? I do not itch," the Fade's bloodless lips barely moved as it spoke.

It resumed ignoring Derwan and slashed down at me. I felt my exhaustion rise from the powerful optical beam that had drained me. Fortunately, I also saw my opponent flag a bit. As I became his primary focus, Derwan scored several slashes, and the damage must finally have been adding up. As it wavered, I waited for the opportune moment, and when Derwan was about to slash its neck, I used the illusion of another optical beam. The Fade struck at me in the exact way I had anticipated, the swiftest angle. I was already moving, and my own dagger punctured its hand, releasing the blade even as Derwan's sword hacked into the side of its neck.

A howl rose from a few Trolloc throats nearby as the Myrddraal writhed on the ground, lashing out senselessly. The Trollocs were dying themselves, writhing in a strange set of seizures. It hadn't been a clean decapitation, but it was a kill despite its continued gyrations. I was breathing heavily, and da was looking at me in wonder. He shook his head and called out orders to see who was still left alive and check on any of the ones down, if they could be saved.

The butcher's bill was high. Only one of the guards survived; we found the bodies of the other five. Only two of the workers were alive, with maybe one more still unaccounted for. The horses were scattered. The supplies we were carrying were still in good shape, but it would be difficult to manage the caravan.

There was much to do, and Derwan decided that if there were more Trollocs out there, the best thing to do was to remain put, and the sight of the still-twitching Fade would serve as the best possible deterrent. When the tasks that needed to be done were complete, Derwan took me aside.

"Tanya, I am so glad you are safe. I'm not sure you know what you just did, but you called upon fire like the Aes Sedai do." His tone was hushed, almost awed.

I nodded. "I know. I'm glad I could do it; otherwise, we might all have been killed. When I was younger, I asked an Aes Sedai about it, and she said that I could travel to the White Tower when I am older. I think the timing would be around the age of fifteen."

He hugged me. "Then that is what we will do when the time comes. Just know that you will always be my daughter, and I love you very much. I swear it by the Light and the hope of my salvation and rebirth."

I hugged him back. I suspected he worried that I might fear he would view me differently or as alien. Derwan was a sensible man with an open heart. I had not suspected any such thing, but I supposed it said something about him that he sought to so quickly alleviate any potential fears I might have.

That morning, we managed to round up most of the horses and burn the bodies of our dead. A token from each person was carefully wrapped to give to their families, and we moved on as best we could.

Varek, the lone surviving guard, clapped Derwan on the shoulder. "It was a dark night, Dreadbane, but we have won through it."

Dreadbane, the title meant much in the Borderlands. It was an honorific title given to those who had slain a Myrddraal. Da shook his head.

"I may have struck the killing blow, but my daughter is the one who deserves the title."

Oh no. No, no, no, no. I was not going to be given some honorific like my Silver Wings Assault Badge! That had caused me no end of trouble in my second life, and I was not about to relive that drama in my third.

"Da, no. You were the one who slew it. I…" I thought quickly. "I also don't want the attention. I'm not an Aes Sedai, not yet at least. I don't know how to heal or call lightning, and people would come to our door… I think we should just keep it simple and say you killed it, which you did."

Derwan nodded thoughtfully. Varek's gaze was on me, then slid uneasily away. The bowman nodded. "Your girl is wise, best not to muddy it. And you know our traditions. A Dreadbane is a Dreadbane, even if the Eyeless has a dozen arrows in it and is missing its arms. It's the one who delivers the killing blow that counts."

It was agreed that my small bit of magic would not be spoken of to the wider world, and within a few years I would journey to Tar Valon and become an Aes Sedai.

Derwan accepted the drink, and as usual, the serving lass did not even take a coin for her efforts. He drank for free and kept a careful tally of all the coin he saved, adding it to the amount he would give to the fallen who had died that night.

Serving as a guard for someone else had insulated him from responsibility for deaths on other journeys. This had been different. This had been his enterprise, and he felt a crushing weight afterward for it. His daughter had pulled him up from the mire, but even that brought a trace of concern.

He recalled speaking with her after she had heard him weeping at the table once everyone else had gone to bed. Derwan knew burdening a child with his guilt was wrong, but he felt he needed to speak to someone. His friends and associates all viewed him as a champion for the Light, and he could not correct them on that point.

Her response was practical. She laid out the consequences of giving up and letting emotional instability affect his ability to earn coin. She suggested setting aside and using a portion of the profits from future enterprises to help the families of those lost that night, and in the potential nights to come. This was the Borderlands, after all - trade was vital, but Trollocs and banditry would continue to exist. That way, there was motivation for him to continue, motivation not to dwell on mistakes or past decisions, but to continually strive for the fallen and his family.

Her approach was logical. It allowed him to see moving past mistakes as a noble enterprise, a task to continue and succeed at. It was honestly brilliant. But even in that, he felt flummoxed. She was the child. He was the parent, her father, her da. The order of how things were meant to be felt backwards.

After the battle, she needed no comfort at all. At the time, the idea of her one day becoming an Aes Sedai had filled him with both pride and fear. Aes Sedai were… cold. Which was not a bad way of describing Tanya either. But the more he thought about the battle, whether he wished it or not, the more he grew confused about what had happened.

Tanya had not just channeled and called a fiery light; she had fought with a grace that some of the greatest knife duelers in Kandor would envy. Stories of Aes Sedai were many and varied, but he had never heard of an Aes Sedai wielding a dagger against the Shadow. She had always had good reflexes. From the very first time she helped prepare a meal, her movements had been fluid and confident.

He loved her dearly, and her ideas had made the family wealthy. He would miss her greatly when she joined the White Tower. He knew the stories of other families. Once someone went to the White Tower, they would write, but in time their old lives would be forgotten. It was still some time away, and he would personally take her there, but he already dreaded accepting that reality.

Derwan did not understand his adopted daughter. He didn't understand the One Power or her odd ways. She was family, and he would miss her dearly.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4



The wind tugged at my cloak as the city finally came into view. I heard my father let out a gasp of wonder as we saw the sprawling city of Tar Valon. I had seen many great cities in my prior lives, but this was truly something special. The city truly gleamed. Its white walls were streaked with silver. Towers rose up in every shape, some with thin spires and others with golden domes. The River Erinin cradled the city, its waters sparkling as they split around the island.

I knew there were six massive bridges connecting the island to the mainland. Not all were visible from our vantage point, but the construction of these bridges fascinated me. They must each be a mile long, and while that might be technically possible, it was highly improbable with the technological level of the day.

I must remember technological advancement is not uniform. My lack of books may make me more than a mite ignorant of what is possible in this world. And that is before the potential that magic was used.

At the heart of the city loomed the massive White Tower. It was 600 feet tall. None of the great towers of the city could match its height. The center of knowledge and learning. The center of power for the Aes Sedai.

We soon passed into a small town that lay at the foot of the bridge we were to cross. It was quite different from the villages and towns of the Borderlands. A sea of color and a variety of clothing from all over the world filled the streets.

"Stay close," Derwan said protectively.

I gave him a wry glance, and he caught it, giving me a rueful chuckle.

After the fight with the Trollocs, I went on more trips. We didn't run into Trollocs again, but we did fight bandits, and I showed my powers again. After that, we even started sparring at home, and while Derwan was pretty good, he was still soundly beaten whenever I tapped into my formulae.

We made our way to the bridge, where several guards in gleaming mail stood. They weren't blocking passage, but sometimes they stopped larger wagons for what seemed like random inspections. Other people approached, asked questions, and then stepped onto the wide bridge.

"My daughter is here to be tested."

I received a glance from the guard. "She seems too young. How old is she?"

I did not voice my irritation, even when Derwan chuckled. "She's petite, not too young. She has survived fifteen winters in the Borderlands. She is of the age of testing."

The guard nodded. "Aye, it is around that time, yes. Head for the White Tower and repeat your claim." He hesitated and glanced at Derwan's well-traveled but well-made clothing and sword. "Many girls will not have the gift, but once it's confirmed they do, they will not let her go or allow family visits. If she were my daughter, I'd spend a day enjoying the sights of the city before getting tested."

Da thanked him for the advice, and while I was excited to join the White Tower, I was more than willing to wait an extra day. We spent time at a nice inn and listened as a Gleeman told stories of the Trolloc Wars. It was enjoyable, and I knew my father was glad for the time with me. In the morning, I helped pick out some gifts for Jana, Jolie, Casmir, and Tamrin. There were a number of delightfully intricate toys that you couldn't find in Kandor.

"These could sell very well to rich mercantile families as well as nobles. You could potentially consider extending boutique-type items…"

Derwan laughed. "Ah, Tanya, I will miss you."

"And I, you, da." I actually meant it. Of the people I had known, there were few who rose to the standard of Derwan.

We approached the Tower's main entrance. It was a massive arch of white stone carved with the Flame of Tar Valon. A squad of guards in crisp uniforms stood at attention. On one side of the arch, those with seals or who were known by the guards were ushered in, while on the other side, a queue formed. When it was our turn, we arrived to see a sharp-faced woman wearing a dress with a banded hem on her skirt. She had the serpent ring that all Aes Sedai wore on her finger.

"The Light bless you, Aes Sedai. My name is…"

"Accepted," her voice was sharp. "I am not yet an Aes Sedai, and it would be improper for you to refer to me as such."

"My apologies. I am Derwan of Kandor, and this is my daughter, Tanya. She has come to be tested and to join the ranks of the Aes Sedai."

The Accepted turned to me, her expression softening a hair. "The Tower welcomes any woman who wishes to be tested. If you have the gift, you will be trained. I will have someone take you to the Mistress of Novices and see if you have the ability. This may take some time, as she is busy. Your father may remain here for you. If you are selected, we will tell him."

I tilted my head. "If I have the potential, I will not be able to tell him goodbye?"

"No. Once you are sealed to the Tower, outside contact is not allowed unless the Mistress of Novices gives her express permission. It is best to make a clean break from our old lives."

Derwan tensed.

"Give us a moment, then," I told the somewhat rude Accepted.

We went off to the side and he enveloped me in a bearhug.

"I will write to you and mother, and to my siblings, of course, when I am able. I owe you a great debt, Da. You did not have to be my father, but you did so anyway."

"There is no debt, Tanya." His voice was raspy, and I could see tears in his eyes. "You were a precious gift from the Light. You are something special, never forget that. I will wait here for you until I am told you have passed their tests, but I have no doubts they will welcome you. I've already seen what you can do!"

It was a heartfelt goodbye, and soon I was whisked into the presence of a woman behind a desk. She was slightly plump, with a placid face. Her plain dress was accompanied by a brown shawl. Her eyes were glued to a book when I entered. I delivered a curtsy, as I had been instructed by the Accepted who escorted me, and waited.

After a minute, brown eyes met my own blue ones. "Good. You have more patience than most, Child. I am Morvin Thakanos, the Mistress of Novices here in the White Tower." She put the book aside as she spoke and pulled out another. "Your name?"

"Tanya Degtyaryov of Kandor."

My name was written in the book, and I again waited.

"We don't find that many girls seeking us out if they aren't from the nearby regions. It is clear you have the potential to be quite a powerful Aes Sedai. Perhaps the strongest of this generation, even approaching Kerene's strength. Time will tell."

I blinked. "Forgive me, Aes Sedai, but how can you tell?"

"It is something an Aes Sedai can do. If we focus, we can tell if someone has the ability to channel the One Power."

"Several years ago, another Aes Sedai in Kandor told me that they didn't know if I could become an Aes Sedai."

The Mistress of Novices nodded. "You would have been too young. That talent, the inborn spark and the ability to channel, is not available until later in life."

I used magic in front of that Aes Sedai. Either they are mistaken, or my abilities from my second life are not the One Power. The odds of me being able to channel the One Power randomly are low, so this must be another manipulation by Being X. But did he anticipate that I would still retain my old powers? Hmm.

"I always loved the stories of Aes Sedai and their brave Warders fighting Trollocs. I knew I would be able to channel one day, and that's why I begged my da to take me here to be tested. Once I become an Aes Sedai, can I test others too? Will I be able to feel it when they channel?"

A soft laugh. "Ah yes, from the Borderlands. You have many questions. That is good. Perhaps you will choose the Brown over the Green because of it. To answer your question, Child, yes, an Aes Sedai can sense when others channel. When we wield the One Power, we see the weaves used, and beyond that, we can even sense channeling nearby."

I tested this. I carefully used a formula to reinforce my protective film. Not a single twitch. Her eyes did not widen. It was undetectable.

Useful.

"Thank you for explaining. I had anticipated a test before being able to join. I am to understand I have passed. What happens next?"

"You have the potential, so now you must be trained. It is no longer an option now that your name is written in the book. There will be tests, a great many of them, but two are of critical importance: the test to become an Accepted, and the test to become an Aes Sedai." She waved her hand. "Those will not be for years yet. You will be prepared properly. I will have a more senior Novice who has been here for a few years take you under her wing and explain how things are done. You will be given your own room for now, as we have an odd number. Do not get used to it. Light willing, we will have more Novices present themselves soon."

"Thank you."

"First, when you speak to an Aes Sedai, you address them by first name and Sedai."

"Yes, Morvin Sedai."

She gave a nod. "Good, you learn quickly. Failure to uphold the rules of etiquette will lead to varying punishments. Additional chores are common for minor infractions, but you will also be birched and spanked if you speak out of turn or fail to do as you are told."

I gave a placid nod as she eyed me. I got the sense she suspected I would object. I generally don't break rules, and suffering corporal punishment would be mild compared to the physical suffering I had endured in combat. Not to mention, if it truly became more than I could stand, I had my magic to adjust my perception of pain.

"Yes, Morvin Sedai. You will find me motivated to follow all the rules and work hard to learn how to use my talents."

"We shall see, Child."

After meeting with the Mistress of Novices I met my senior and tour guide.

My temporary mentor Novice was dressed entirely in white, even her slippers. This was the dress code for Novices. White seemed an odd choice, given that novices were expected to do a lot of chores, but dress code had never been an issue for me in either of my lives.

"Welcome to the White Tower. I am Jeaine Caide, and I'm from Arad Doman. What is your name?"

She smiled at me. She was taller than I and had a swan-like neck. I had read that her coppery skin was typical of her region.

"Hello, I'm Tanya Degtyaryov from Kandor. Thank you for taking time out of your day to assist me."

"Oh, it's no trouble. We don't get many new Novices. Your first class will be with an Accepted, and she'll show you how to embrace saidar. I'll show you where it is after the rest of the tour."

She led me down the hall and explained what I was to expect. "Make sure you obey the Accepted as quickly as an Aes Sedai, especially newly raised Accepted, as they are even more strict. If you break the rules, you'll be assigned more chores or be switched by the Mistress of Novices."

"So I have been informed," I replied dryly.

"The layout of the Tower is straightforward. After your lesson on channeling, you'll eat in the dining hall. It is a quick meal; no dallying is allowed. From there, you'll have more classes, but they aren't about channeling."

She explained a bit about some of the other coursework I would be required to complete. She didn't think much of it. I could tell she found those additional courses a distraction from channeling. Nonetheless, she told me about them and their locations, as well as some of the additional areas of interest.

I asked about any other rules, and she blinked before replying, "Oh yes, you should be told of those as well." She tapped her chin. "Well, I already went over the most important one, which is to always obey any Aes Sedai and Accepted. You'll be given clothes that are all white, and you cannot wear any other color while a Novice. We have all sizes, so we'll get you settled with something today."

Jeaine ticked off several other requirements for Novices. We weren't allowed to use the One Power without the direct supervision of an Aes Sedai or Accepted. Tardiness was not acceptable, and even being a minute late could lead to hours of kitchen duty or worse. Novices weren't allowed visitors, either from family or from boys.

I noticed Jeaine had said the last in an exasperated tone.

"They won't even allow us to flirt with the young men who train with the Warders! Or the Tower Guard! It's so stifling."

There were additional requirements, such as keeping the room tidy, composing oneself properly, and adhering to honesty. All in all, it was fairly simple. I obtained a set of clothing and began my life of study.

I arrived at my first Novice class. As Jeaine had informed me, it was an Accepted who taught the class. The Accepted also wore white, but on the cuffs and hem was a seven-striped band with the colors of all the Ajahs. In addition, she wore the Great Serpent Ring on the third finger of her left hand. The Great Serpent Ring, a symbol of eternity, was one way to identify Aes Sedai in the world. It was somewhat of a surprise to learn that the Accepted, who weren't Aes Sedai yet, could always wear one. The Accepted seemed bored as she instructed Novices on how to embrace the One Power. I was one of six in her class. It was more like guided meditation than teaching.

"Now, you must empty yourself. Completely empty. There is only one thing in your mind. The bud of a flower. Only that flower. Only that bud. You can see it in every detail. You can even smell it. You can feel it. Every vein of every leaf, every curve of every petal."

I was never a meditative sort. In my first life, I enjoyed reading, but it was an active hobby as well as a way to learn skills that would help me reach a relaxing retirement more easily. In my second life, I rarely had time to be unproductive.

"You can feel the sap pulsing. Feel it. Feel it. Know it. Be it. You and the bud are the same. You are one. You are the bud."

I didn't have an issue with visualization, and then it happened. I sensed a light, a reservoir of power, and reached for it. And it was gone. Annoying. I ignored the semi-hypnotic repetition from the Accepted and recreated the visualization technique on my own. Flower, petals, light! I paused and visualized it warming the flower, and then my senses grew sharp. To my surprise, I lost it once again.

"Tanya! I sensed you touch it just now. That's good, and don't feel bad about not holding it for long."

A nearby Novice sighed, "This is the third month I've been in this class, and I still can't do it."

"That can happen, just be patient, focus on the flower. Be the flower…"

The Accepted continued the flower visualization technique again while I considered what had happened. This was very different from using magical formulae. Senses becoming sharper and a feeling of euphoria just by touching the source of magical power was odd to me. Eager to learn more, I quickly repeated the visualization and was ready for the sensation. Wow, this did feel nice. I held it and opened my eyes. The Accepted was looking at me with wide eyes that then narrowed.

"Did Celia put you up to this? There's no way this is your first lesson. I ought to make you report to the Mistress of Novices for going along with it, but it probably wasn't your idea. You've had your fun and made your fellow Novices feel bad. Go on about your day, and don't come to this class again."

I debated clarifying the matter with her but simply shrugged and left. This was my first formal class, but I had already been told about specific rules I had to follow. That included not embracing the True Source without the supervision of an Accepted or an Aes Sedai. I had other classes to attend later in the day, all sorts of interesting courses that didn't have much to do with the One Power at all. Lectures on history, including wars, which I knew I would love. Other classes included things like philosophy, learning the Old Tongue, and various legal systems from across the world.

I didn't have anything specific I needed to be doing now, so I set off for the White Tower Library, the greatest library in the world. There were all sorts of books, and I was well pleased with the layout. Twelve separate depositories were broken up by category, ranging from histories to legends, to fiction, and even one about arithmetic. I was curious and perused the arithmetic section, which was the Ninth Depository.

Judging by the dust, it seemed not often used. The books were hit and miss in how useful they could be. Some were astoundingly simple, while others delved deep into the theory of numbers. I found some practical engineering works and was both relieved and slightly disappointed that the mathematical prowess in the more advanced books was thorough. I had some faint hope of raising my status as a student by 'discovering' new ways to produce calculations or solve advanced theorems, but it was not meant to be.

By now, the entry-level channeling course would be done, and I needed to get to the brief mealtime before jumping to another class. This one would be about magical artifacts called angreal and sa'angreal. I had no idea if these artifacts had any sort of similarity to computation orbs, but studying them would be useful. I figured if I could learn how these magical artifacts were created, I could get some ideas for how to create a computation orb!

The class on angreal was interesting; sadly, the Aes Sedai had lost the knowledge of how to create them. A dead end, and honestly a pretty sad one. It had been 3,000 years since the Breaking, and they had yet to rediscover something like that? Perhaps it would be something I could research once I learned more. Technology was technology; what was once discovered could be discovered again.

Afterwards, it was time to wash the dishes and then fold linens. Keeping us busy served a few purposes. The obvious one was that we would be less tempted to touch the True Source if we were kept busy. The second was to teach us humility and keep us at the same level despite our differing backgrounds. Nobility or common, wealthy or poor. It didn't matter. We were all at the bottom of the heap, together. As a former drill instructor and officer, I saw the benefit of doing this. As someone eager to learn and practice the actual practical aspects, it was still annoying.

I met some of the other Novices while doing chores. Most were older than me, yet they seemed more childish than I would have assumed. There were exceptions, and I gravitated toward those for my own sanity. One of the older Novices was Mikio Vadere. She was in her early 20s and had already been in the White Tower for seven years. We spoke quietly as we scrubbed the dishes from the evening meal.

"You are from Kandor? It sounds familiar."

I nodded and looked over at her. Mikio wore her dark hair short, and she looked more solidly built than many of the other girls.

"I did not realize it was that obvious. I take it you are from the Borderlands as well?" I suspected Shienar or Malkier and was pleased I was correct when she confirmed she was from Shienar.

"We have somewhat of an advantage and a disadvantage being from where we come from, Tanya. Our families are proud that we can channel. Many of the other girls come from places where Aes Sedai are reviled. Some even had to flee when they accidentally channeled. The Whitecloaks will kill even young girls and name us Darkfriends."

The last was said with contempt and hatred. The Whitecloaks, or Children of the Light as they called themselves, rarely traveled to the Borderlands. The nations of Saldaea, Kandor, Arafel, Shienar, and Malkier fought against the Shadow, the theoretical foot soldiers of the Dark One, should he even exist, but the Whitecloaks were never seen in those battles.

"They are wretched men who are jealous of our power," Mikio continued. "If they have strength of arms, they should fight Trollocs and Lurks. That is what I want to do. That is why I want to join the Green Ajah and make ready to defend against the Dark One."

This piqued my curiosity. "I've noticed the different colored shawls. Can you explain the different Aes Sedai factions?" There were rumors about what those colored shawls meant that I was familiar with, but the vast majority I had picked up from time spent in inns and taverns was probably nonsense.

"Oh yes, there really isn't a formal class on what the Ajahs mean, though you pick up a lot in the classes on White Tower history." Mikio seemed to enjoy getting the chance to share her knowledge, but she provided it in a concise and effective manner despite her enthusiasm.

"The Green Ajah is known for two things… well, three, but just two for now," she said, a slight reddening of her cheeks showing. "They are the Battle Ajah. In the Trolloc Wars, they led the fight against the Shadow. They stand ready to go to war and are the only Ajah to have multiple Warders bonded to them."

That's one Ajah I don't intend to join! Although, the idea of having multiple meat shields is tempting. Why don't other Ajahs allow multiple Warders? Is it stupid tradition, or is there a reason?

"The Blue Ajah is also a good Ajah, I suppose. They are less about direct fighting and more about championing the woes of common people out in the world. While the Tower doesn't boast of it, many corrupt nobles and vile criminals have found themselves brought down thanks to their efforts. They are the Ajah that leaves the Tower the most."

Interesting, but other than the desire to see my family in Kandor, I don't actually wish to travel all that much. I've seen sights in three different worlds now.

"The Yellow Ajah is a focused Ajah that specializes in healing. It is said they must learn much more complicated weaves than the other Ajahs, and I have much respect for them, but I do regret how rarely they leave the Tower. Having even half a dozen sisters in the Borderlands would do so much good."

I enjoy complexity. The ability to heal others and preserve human resources is a profound calling. Almost everyone appreciates a good physician.

"The Brown Ajah is the Ajah if you enjoy sitting alone in your room and reading. I don't even think they use the One Power much." Mikio shook her head in evident perplexity at such a choice. There was no heat to it, just confusion.

It sounds like they are researchers and historians. That sounds nice and safe. Unlike Mikio, I enjoy reading. More knowledge is always good, and the very act of reading keeps the mind sharp.

"The Gray Ajah are the Tower's diplomats. They try to make sure there is peace in the world. It is good for men not to fight men when the Shadow threatens to engulf us all, but it is not my calling."

War is a tragic waste of human resources. Preventing it and ending ones that start is extremely valuable.

"The White Ajah is strange in my eyes. They are like the Browns in some ways, but are focused less on knowledge and more on philosophy. The Aes Sedai of that Ajah like to talk forever about the importance of logic over emotion."

Logic and rationalism are extremely important! Creatures that act on emotion, even when it is counterproductive and irrational, are vile. Just like that wretched ex-employee who shoved me off the platform to my death. If he had actually thought through his actions like a proper human being, I wouldn't have died that day!

"And lastly, the Reds." Her voice took on a bitter edge. "They hate men. They are responsible for capturing the poor men who can channel. It is an important responsibility, but it isn't as if the other Ajahs don't help. Cadsuane Sedai is a Green, and she's captured more men who can channel than any ten Red Sisters!" Mikio shook her head. "And they don't even allow members of their Ajah to have Warders."

It seems the Reds and the Greens are on opposite ends of the belief spectrum. Willingly forgoing a potential tool that could keep you alive seems foolish. Risking your life to hunt down crazed male channelers seems doubly so. I'm not going to rule out any Ajah yet, but the Reds seem the least appealing so far.

Of course, this was all just one person's opinion. I'm well aware she may have some biases. And given how long Novices remain Novices, I would likely have many years before I had to make the decision.

Chapter Text

Chapter 5



"The first oath that an Aes Sedai takes is 'To speak no word that is not true.' As Novices, you are expected to do the same."

This class was taught by Serafelle Sedai. Like the Amyrlin Seat and the Mistress of Novices, she was also part of the Brown Ajah. Most classes for Novices were taught by Accepted, but perhaps the central importance of the Three Oaths to the Aes Sedai warranted making sure it was taught correctly.

"Serafelle Sedai, does this Oath bind an Aes Sedai to the facts themselves, or only to what she believes to be true? For example, if I think a book remains in the library, would the Oaths allow me to say so if it had been taken from the library without my knowing?"

Her sharp glance had an intensity to it. "They would. The Oath Rod binds you so that you can speak no word that you know is false. Though this is a logical extrapolation of the Oaths' function, it is not something we discuss with outsiders."

The lecture continued, and she spoke more about the importance of the First Oath and how it was the only reason rulers would ever consider having an Aes Sedai advisor, secretly or openly. This statement interested me, because there were only a few nations with open Aes Sedai advisors, with Andor being the most famous.

"Serafelle Sedai, the words used for the First Oath are they literal? In the sense that only the spoken word is binding?"

The Aes Sedai's face revealed nothing, but I observed that her body had stiffened a bit.

"What are you getting at, Child?"

"If I were to ask you, 'Are you an Aes Sedai,' would the Oaths prevent you from shaking your head no?"

The Aes Sedai drew a sharp breath. "This is an inappropriate line of questioning. The purpose of the Three Oaths is to create trust with the nations. As a Novice, questions are welcome, but you are expected to comport yourself with proper decorum and not question the legitimacy or value of the Oaths, which have been part of the Tower for thousands of years. After this lesson, report to the Mistress of Novices to inform her of your disrespect."

That was most infuriating. However, instead of making the situation worse, I realized the power imbalance here and kept my expression smooth, my tone unruffled, and my head bowed as I replied, "Yes, Serafelle Sedai."

I kept quiet for the remaining lecture, and lo and behold, no other Novices chose to ask any questions.

What a wonderful learning environment.

I had some concerns about the Three Oaths because I hated being bound by magical artifacts that took away my will. My questions were born from a genuine desire to understand the limitations I would be signing up for if I continued on the path of becoming an Aes Sedai, which was the logical path, given the great advantages it would provide.

The Second Oath, 'To make no weapon with which one man may kill another,' was also troublesome. What qualifies as a weapon? If I used the One Power to help me make a tool, but the tool had an edge, would the Oath Rod prevent me from doing so? The wording says 'may,' not 'designed to,' which could cause complications. On the other hand, 'make' implies a finished product. Could I assemble all the pieces of a weapon specifically designed to be used as a weapon, and then leave the final step of assembly to someone else, who would be the one to have made the weapon? So many questions, and I now felt stymied, as it seemed certain lines of questioning were forbidden.

The Third Oath was 'Never to use the One Power as a weapon expect against Darkfriends or Shadowspawn, or in the last extreme defense of her life, the life of her Warder, or another Aes Sedai.' This one was honestly the worst.

What exactly did 'last extreme defense of her life' mean? Given the additional tools at my disposal, such as my magical formulae, I feared that might prevent me from using the One Power to kill those trying to kill me. How certain did the Oath require that I know someone was a Darkfriend? A preponderance of the evidence? I could reasonably assume a person working with Trollocs would be a Darkfriend, but did the Oath see it that way? After all, maybe the man had his family held hostage; he wasn't serving willingly and was being forced. Or perhaps he was acting as some sort of double agent in the service of the Blue Ajah, the Ajah known for spies. Would the possibility of these extremely unlikely circumstances prevent me from incinerating a human fighting alongside a Trolloc?

After the class was over, I made my way to Morvin Sedai's office.

"Child, why are you here?"

"Serafelle Sedai instructed me to inform you that I asked an inappropriate question in her class about the Three Oaths."

I briefly explained the context and my specific question.

The Mistress of Novices frowned. "Do you see where you erred?"

"Out of ignorance, I assumed that questions asked in good faith to further understand the class material were fully permitted. I see now that there are taboo subjects I should be careful to avoid."

Her eyes searched mine. "You believe you are being treated unfairly."

I sense a trap.

"Fairness lies in the consistency of the rules. The Amyrlin Seat and the Sitters design the rules Novices should follow. I am not suggesting I was treated differently than any other Novice; in that sense, the outcome is fair. I disagree that inquiries, even of taboo subjects, should be shunned."

She leaned back in her seat. "This is a well-reasoned argument. You presented it confidently and without emotion. Perhaps the White Ajah is your destiny. For your improper question to an Aes Sedai, you will be working a double-shift within the kitchens for the next week."

Annoying.

"For your arrogance, a far more serious offense, you will be birched."

"I understand, Morvin Sedai. Is this to be done here?"

"I do not think you do understand, but I will explain afterwards. Lean over the desk."

She picked up the solid birch rod and came around from behind her desk. Her first blow struck my buttocks with some intensity. Eleven more followed, each unpleasant in turn. In terms of pain, I would rank it distinctly below the wounds I suffered over Norden, or the frequent burns and explosive hits I endured while working with that madman, Dr. Schugel.

When the punishment concluded, she studied my expression carefully. "There is no… dishonor in crying out when you suffer. You girls from the Borderlands always try to act as if admitting weakness is some grave offense, but nonetheless I will not increase your punishment over such stubbornness."

Morvin took a breath.

"Now I will explain why what you did was so foolish. You are ignorant. You are as new as one can be to the White Tower. You do not understand our customs, traditions, and laws. You do not realize that most Novices will never become Aes Sedai. They will leave because they lack the fortitude to handle the training. They will leave because they lack the strength in the One Power to ascend to the shawl. They will leave because they allow their fears to best them when attempting to be raised to the ranks of the Accepted. They will leave," her voice grew more intense, "because they burn themselves out or they may even kill themselves misusing the One Power, believing they know better than an Aes Sedai!"

Directionally, I understand the concern.

"I worry more about the latter, but the former is also of important consideration. Do you understand why?"

I nodded. "Yes, Morvin Sedai. Some of the other Novices in that class will leave the White Tower and return to their prior lives. It would not be advantageous for others to know the many ways Aes Sedai can deceive. That knowledge puts us all under suspicion and could amplify attacks from groups such as the Children of the Light."

She gave me a sharp nod. "You have a good head on your shoulders. What education did you have prior to coming to the White Tower?"

"My father is part of the Kandori Merchant's Guild. I helped handle his ledgers. From an early age, he would bring home books for me to read. They are the fondest gifts I have received," I answered, fully truthfully, though painting the picture I desired.

That brought a smile to her face. "Your father is a rare man, and your early childhood has prepared you well for the Tower. You may know more than your peers, some of whom did not know their letters before coming to the White Tower, but do not let your pride lead you into danger. You will soon learn to embrace the One Power, but you must never attempt to channel without supervision as a Novice. I can tell you already suspect you will be able to handle it, and I will break you of that arrogance if it is the last thing I do. Am I clear?"

"You have made yourself very clear, Morvin Sedai. Thank you."

The Mistress of Novices nodded. "Good. As for your questions regarding the Three Oaths, those are most appropriate for an Accepted. When you reach that position, you will be more than welcome to have them discussed in the proper forum. You are dismissed."

Jeaine shook her head in bemusement as Tanya explained why she was doing extra chores.

"On your second day you managed to get a week's worth of chores!"

Tanya nodded. "I understand my error; it will not happen again."

"But you didn't even get it for something fun like sneaking into a friend's room while lights out. This might be a new record," she said with a giggle.

"I am overjoyed to have a reputation for delinquency so early on in my career as a Novice." Tanya's voice was as dry as the Aiel Waste.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I heard some of the Accepted talking about you. They think you'll be one of the most powerful channelers the Tower has seen in some time. You might be in for a hellish time as a Novice if you misbehave, but they won't eject you from the Tower. Not you."

The small girl nodded as she continued to scrub. If it had been Jeaine, she would have been far more upset about her punishment, but Tanya seemed very stoic about everything. Just as she was about to leave, Tanya spoke up again.

"Jeaine, what is the next class after the introduction to embracing saidar?"

"Oh, after that? You get to actually learn some weaves! Just simple things like creating a ball of light or channeling Water to fill a cup. And it is marvelous! Like the whole world is at your fingertips. Embracing saidar makes everything so much more wonderful, you'll love it."

The girl nodded while she continued to work. "Yes, where is the class for that? The Accepted told me I did not need to return to first class."

Jeaine shook herself in shock. "What? You… you can already embrace saidar? After one lesson?"

The small girl hesitated, and then said, "Yes, my da thinks I channeled during a trip with him, which is why we came to the White Tower. So it shouldn't be that special."

Oh, a wilder.

Jeaine wasn't prejudiced about something like that. But a lot of sisters seemed to think wilders were more trouble than they were worth. They often struggled to do things the Tower way.

"I would keep that to yourself, Tanya. You are what is called a wilder. A wilder is someone who learns to channel on their own. Some of them have something called a 'block,' but if you are able to touch saidar, you may not have one. I'm not really sure, but I wouldn't volunteer that you channeled before coming here."

Tanya smiled at her. "Thank you for sharing that information. I am in your debt."

Jeaine knew power games were played all the time in the White Tower. Everything about them was above her; she didn't know if she would pass her test to become Accepted, still years away. Still, having the favor of someone so clearly destined to be a powerful Aes Sedai was no small thing.

"Just looking out for you. I trust you'll do the same if the situation were ever reversed. As for the next class, the Accepted, Maigan teaches it. Though probably only for another few months; everyone knows she's going to test for the shawl soon… well, I guess not everyone, and technically we don't know, but I've heard…"

She shared the rest of the gossip with Tanya, who nodded, smiled, and asked a question or two every now and then. By the time she finished rattling off everything she knew, Tanya had finished and said her goodbyes in return.

I arrived at the next level of classes, the one taught by Maigan. She frowned as she saw me.

"You may be in the wrong class, unless you can reliably embrace saidar?"

I opened my mind to the One Power and allowed it to fill me. My senses sharpened again, and I felt the intense bliss. This was something that I imagine some individuals could get addicted to. Fortunately, I was used to handling mind-altering stimuli, as the 'magical meth' formula Imperial Mages used in combat also had addictive properties.

The Accepted widened her already large eyes in surprise.

"Well then, I suppose you are. Observe what the others do and once they begin practicing on their own I will show you the five weaves used in channeling."

I listened to the creation of floating globes of light. A steady weave of Spirit mixed with the tiniest sliver of Fire. They were cautioned several times to ensure that it was primarily Spirit with very minimal use of Fire. The class of Novices picked it up in fits and starts, and nothing caught on fire. Instead, several globes of light, in varying sizes, began to float in the air.

"And what is your name?" Maigan asked.

"I am Tanya Degtyaryov. I was told I no longer needed to attend the prior class and was then directed here for the next set of lessons."

The Accepted's face was strikingly elegant, and I felt momentary heat when I lingered on her full lips. That was highly unprofessional. While I was in a woman's body, my tastes echoed my first life. Such a thing was deeply inappropriate given this body's age, as well as the student-teacher dynamic, so it was crushed swiftly.

"Very well, I will explain to you the basics of using saidar and walk you through bringing forth a simple weave. The Five Powers are the basis. Some weaves require only a single element. Fire, Water, Earth, Air, and Spirit."

If I have to hold a leaf in my hand to see what element my affinity is, I'm going to call Being X a plagiarist hack.

"You must feel out each element and know what you are channeling. I will demonstrate a simple strand of Air to begin, and then you will attempt to copy," Maigan instructed.

I focused, and as I focused I could feel her channel. I could also see a single tiny strand of Air. It took me a few moments to frame my mind properly into an 'Air' mode, but within minutes I was able to copy the weave. It was a bit bigger than hers, so I tried to refine it, but it was proving a bit difficult.

"Well done, Tanya! You'll find control comes with practice, but let's move on to Water."

When she summoned the strand of Water it floated in the air, not even creating a droplet of water. I tried to bring forth Water but ended up bringing Air again. Annoyed, I tried to force it and… the shining pool of light in my mind died away.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You cannot force saidar. You must let it come to you. You've mastered doing that, but when you got frustrated, it fled."

I nodded and adjusted my thoughts and let saidar fill me again. This time I did not try to force it and instead accidentally created a soft mist in the air as I inadvertently sent out Air and Water. Maigan was a good instructor, and over the course of an hour she taught me how to feel each of the elemental weaves, and I was able to call one at a time.

The weaves themselves were fascinating because they were not just five distinct elements where you added volume of each to form the proper magic, but the size of the weaves mattered. How those individual threads of power wrapped around each other could change what you were doing. Air and Water in equal distributions could do wildly different things depending on how you shaped them.

What eluded me was the reason why. We weren't being taught a common understanding of the fundamental principle as to why the One Power, when channeled in a certain way, created the phenomenon.

"Tanya, don't be silly," Maigan said in an airy voice. "We don't experiment. Not as Novices, not as Accepted, and very rarely as an Aes Sedai. Though I may not have the full picture on what the sisters do, as I have not yet attained the shawl. When someone tries to experiment, they run the risk of burning out or letting the weave go out of control to disastrous results."

It made a certain amount of sense. If you were teaching soldiers how to arm their muskets with gunpowder, you didn't need them to understand how the firing solution worked. And you certainly didn't want them experimenting! But… I really wanted to know more. I had only been here briefly and already could feel the weight of tradition and stagnation.

Nonetheless, progress had been made today, and I was happy with the results of her tutelage.

There were precisely two hundred and eleven Novices in the White Tower. For Morvin Thakanos, this was both too few and too many. Few Aes Sedai paid attention to the steady decline in recruitment, absorbed as they were in petty rivalries, but any student of history could see the Tower was weakening.

At the same time, the halls were crowded with Novices who would never become Accepted, let alone Aes Sedai. Morvin saw no point in wasting time or resources on them. Teach them just enough not to die and send them home. The Amyrlin disagreed, fearing the balance of power would shift if the world realized how much weaker the Tower grew with each passing year.

Even so, I had seen the records. A hundred years ago we had half again as many as we do now, and they were more talented besides.

She had called together the dozen Accepted who helped her teach the classes, as well as Serafelle of her own Ajah and Larissa of the Yellow. Larissa was not strong in the One Power, but she was eager to be helpful, and her weavings were surprisingly adept for one of limited strength. That made her useful in guiding the young Novices. Occasionally other Aes Sedai chose to help on a whim, but this group formed the core of those who taught the Novices. Morvin met with them on a weekly basis to review disciplinary actions of note, to consider who might be ready for the test to become Accepted, and to discuss who should be removed from the Tower as unfit to train further.

The Accepted gave their recommendations on which Novices might be nearing the maturity, skill, and potential to face the arches. As in the prior week, there were none yet ready. Some were drawing close, but the test was not to be taken lightly. The chance of death, or whatever fate claimed those who stepped through and never returned, was not a trivial thing.

Light, I still occasionally have night terrors of my own testing and that was over a century ago.

Morvin moved on to the topic she wanted to know most about: Tanya Degtyaryov.

"What of young Tanya? How has she handled her first weeks' worth of classes?" Morvin asked the group.

One Accepted, who taught Novices the basics of the Old Tongue, was highly complimentary. Serafelle gave that Accepted a sharp glance, and then said her piece.

"After the first incident, there has been no repeat lapse. However, I fear she does not have the proper mindset of a Novice. She acts as if she were already an Aes Sedai. It almost feels like mockery."

Morvin gave her fellow Brown sister an appraising look. "We teach Novices to model themselves after Aes Sedai. She is poised in a way that we wish more Novices and Accepted would be. She is stubborn and prideful, but does not cross any lines of courtesy. In fact, she does better than most Novices. Unless there is more you have not shared, I will not fault her for too perfectly attempting to copy Aes Sedai equanimity."

Serafelle shook her head, despite the passivity of her face, Morvin knew her fellow sister was annoyed.

"She has learned quickly in my class," Maigan added. "I barely need to…"

"What?" Morvin interrupted forcibly.

"Morvin Sedai?" Maigan asked hesitantly.

"What do you mean she has learned quickly in your class? She is not in your class."

Maigan's brow furrowed in confusion. "Pardons, Morvin Sedai, but she has been attending for the last several days. She can easily embrace saidar at will and fumbled only a handle of times when trying something new."

Morvin glanced at another Accepted who had grown pale.

"I did not realize she was so new, I thought it was a jest where a more experienced Novice had pretended not to be new. I'd only begun teaching the brand-new Novices for a couple of months…"

Serafelle interjected, "The girl looks barely in her teens, and you thought she was a tenured Novice?" She looked at Morvin. "We may have erred in believing this one is suited for teaching Novices."

Morvin suppressed a sigh. Serafelle was wearing on her nerves. "I will make that decision as Mistress of Novices, but I wish to hear more from Maigan, tell us what Tanya has accomplished."

Maigan described how Tanya had mastered the basic exercises taught her classes. Simple things like filling a cup with water using Water. While she didn't always succeed on the first try, she always did before the end of the lesson, which was in contrast to most. She ended with suggesting that Tanya would soon be ready for the next level up, despite her newness to the Tower.

"Morvin, we cannot let her successes inflate her head too much." Serafelle reminded her. "Yes, she is a prodigy, and her power will outstrip everyone in this room one day, but before one can be an Aes Sedai they must be broken down and have their old life washed away."

Morvin dismissed the others, save for Serafelle and Larissa.

"I worry about her attempting to do things beyond what she is capable of. She is arrogant, even in her humility," Morvin admitted. "But that has to do with safety, not with the idea that she must wipe away her past. Many sisters still hold national loyalties, of lesser import than their internal White Tower loyalty, but they exist. It does not lead to much ill, and what would you have us do? Penalize her when she follows our edicts?"

Serafelle sniffed. "We can start by moving her in with another Novice. That Clea girl has been a Novice for eight years and was caught having relations with one of the Andoran young noblemen training with the Warders. She is barely talented, and you know she will never be raised to the shawl. Cut her loose and have Tanya move into her quarters with a roommate. We cannot have her thinking she is above the other Novices."

Morvin considered it. Clea was not destined to be an Aes Sedai. She had learned enough not to hurt herself. Before she could come to a decision, Larissa shared her thoughts.

"Why? She is clearly not a normal Novice. She has learned at an unprecedented rate, and while potential can fluctuate, once she is an Aes Sedai there may be, what, perhaps three sisters who could match her in strength?" Larissa spoke softly, yet with intensity. "Why waste time? Let me take her under my wing and spend time teaching her personally. It will be a feather in all our caps if we quickly produce a strong and powerful Aes Sedai."

Morvin was surprised by Larissa's push. The younger Aes Sedai, being below both Morvin and Serafelle in strength in the One Power, was usually far more passive.

"She isn't even Accepted yet." Serafelle countered. "I don't agree."

Morvin eyed the two and then settled the matter. "Any Aes Sedai can train any Novice. Larissa does not need our permission. Do as you will, but I will be moving her in with another Novice."

Is Larissa hoping to poach her for the Yellows? That would make matters interesting. If she proves as deft with complex weaves as her early lessons suggest, she could become a formidable healer. Bah, it is far too early to think on such things. For all we know she will falter at the Accepted Test. Still, it seems Larissa may have taken on the Novices with more purpose than a mere desire to teach.

Chapter Text

Chapter 6



My second week in the White Tower had me move into another Novice's rooms. Their former roommate had moved to another section to fill in for a Novice that had been expelled, which made Mistress of Novices' decision to move me in with Juilaine Madome deliberate.

Juilaine didn't seem to mind and even said that she found her other roommate a bit much to deal with. In the hour or so when we were not busy with chores, classes, and communal mealtime, Juilaine preferred to read, whereas the Novice that used to reside with her wished to chit-chat.

Not very subtle, but she's twelve years older than me and has been a Novice for eleven years. No doubt she wanted to make it clear that I was not to waste her time.

Many of the classes were not related to channeling the One Power, though they might reference its use at times. The current class was an introduction to the broader reality and how it interacted with the gift of Foretelling.

The essential belief is that each person's life is a thread in the Pattern. The Pattern is woven by the Wheel of Time. The True Source, the twin halves being saidar and saidin, powers the Wheel, and the Pattern is the resulting reality. Whether this is some sort of metaphor or if these are physical things underpinning reality is a subject of debate.

Where Foretelling comes into play is that the Aes Sedai believed that individuals with the Talent of Foretelling could see future events in the Pattern. The Foretelling came at random and were often vague in nature, which of course meant it was all probably hogwash. Gleaning the future, prophecy, was all nonsense. If agency didn't exist, Being X wouldn't have tried so hard to fuck with me. The idea that the future was set in stone was anathema to me.

Given my previous attempt at asking questions that cast things into doubt, I did not pursue the matter. The Mistress of Novices had implied that once I became an Accepted certain lines of inquiry were more… well accepted.

"The most famous set of Foretellings are the Karaethon Cycle, the Prophecies of the Dragon," the Accepted explained. "However, scholars have long ruminated on whether the translations are perfectly accurate. I will provide an example."

Her voice took on a different cadence as she spoke from memory.

"The Shadow shall rise across the world, and darken every land, even the smallest corner, and there shall be neither Light nor safety.

And he shall be born of the Dawn, born of the Maiden, according to Prophecy, he shall stretch forth his hands to catch the Shadow, and the world shall scream in the pain of salvation.

All Glory be to the Creator, and to the Light, and to he who shall be born again. May the Light save us from him."

Some of the Novices looked uncomfortable. Prophecies that spoke of salvation and destruction were off-putting.

"What does the Maiden mean in this passage?"

Some Novices guessed. Some said that it meant simply a young woman. It felt familiar to me from the Christian traditions, and so I participated with a guess that it signified a woman would give birth prior to having engaged in carnal activities. Another suggestion was that it would be a title that someone would earn.

"These are guesses, some more interesting than others, but the truth is… we don't know. Just like farmers in Andor have their own idioms that differ from those in Saldaea, so this was true with the Old Tongue. This vagueness is what leads many foolish men to pick the interpretation that best fits their life and give credence to their claim of Dragon. One of our most important duties as Aes Sedai is to pull down these False Dragons, especially those that can channel."

One of the other young Novices let out a small gasp.

"None of that now. If you wish to be Aes Sedai you cannot jump at the mere mention of a False Dragon," the Accepted chided.

The class continued with some of the additional prophecies as well as some of the more famous False Dragons. Names such as Raolin Darksbane and Guaire Amalasan were mentioned. Save for the Forsaken, no other men were as infamous or feared as the False Dragons who could channel saidin.

It was interesting and useful, as were the courses on customs, traditions, and politics of the varied nations of the continent. These ranged from the knife fighting in Ebou Dari, a port city in Altara, to the matriarchal order of the Queens of Andor. It was also odd to learn that many of the nations south of the Borderlands considered Trollocs and Fades to be nothing but myths and old legends.

What was a surprise was that halfway through my second week, I was advised by another Novice that Larissa Lyndel, an Aes Sedai of the Yellow Ajah who also helped train Novices, had sent for me. I arrived at her quarters and knocked on the door.

The yellow-shawled Aes Sedai was thin, almost malnourished-looking. Her plain facial features paradoxically stood out compared to most other Aes Sedai, who tended to have an ageless, almost unreadable face which made it hard to determine at a glance how old they were. Her smile was warm as she greeted me.

"Tanya? Do come in, Child. I have been expecting you."

I entered her apartment. While Novice quarters consisted of two beds, a single chair, and a washroom, an Aes Sedai's quarters were significantly larger. I entered into a sitting room and saw two closed doors leading presumably to other rooms and opening toward what appeared to be a bedchamber. A book caught my eye next to one of the finely upholstered chairs.

"I came as soon as I received your summons, Larissa Sedai."

"Yes, I am sure you did. You have impressed many of us with your potential, and how quickly you have picked up channeling. Many of my sisters feel we should avoid inflating your ego, they think it will make you difficult, but unlike many of your peers, you do all that you are asked without any protest."

I'm being buttered up for something.

"I try, Larissa Sedai. And I thank you for the compliments."

"I am Aes Sedai. I cannot lie. You have the potential for greatness. If your early successes are any indication, you will be able to master even the most complex healing weaves of the Yellow Ajah."

This was interesting. I was always a quick study in my first life. I was never the best at what I picked up, but I was always in the running. Learning came easier now that I have multiple lives of schooling, and while channeling the One Power was quite different from using magical formulae, some of the same principles applied when manipulating reality. All this combined made me a prodigy, which must have made me an appealing individual to try to recruit.

"I hope to master every aspect I can of the One Power. Forgive me, Larissa Sedai, but I've not yet decided on an Ajah. It was my understanding that this did not take place until I gained the shawl, and often serious consideration wasn't done until someone rose to the rank of Accepted."

She nodded amiably. "Of course, Child. Many in the Tower will influence you; most will wait until you have passed the Accepted Test. I make no demands, nor would any agreement struck between an Aes Sedai and a Novice be expected to be enforced upon you being raised to the shawl. What Ajah you pick is your own choice, I only wish to see you obtain your potential. Even should you not join the Yellow Ajah, it does not mean we cannot work together in the future."

She motioned for me to take a seat across from her, and I did so.

"I fear many Novices and Accepted get the wrong idea of the Ajahs. While bitter rivalries do exist, it is not as if we do not work with each other regularly. I work with my Brown sisters in training Novices. One or two of the Yellow Ajah regularly join the Reds when they seek out men who can channel in order to heal any wounds the confrontation causes. My own Ajah often works with the Gray when an important noble child is deathly ill in order to paint the Tower in the best possible light. Sisters quarrel, but in the end we are all still sisters."

That is good to know.

"I am glad to hear that, Larissa Sedai."

She smiled again. "Wonderful, if you are interested, I would like to privately tutor you in the One Power. When you become an Accepted this is fairly common, but there is no rule against it for Novices. Does that sound agreeable to you?"

I smiled in return, genuinely pleased. I wasn't sure the Yellow Ajah would be the best place for me, but it didn't sound bad. Even if there was cause for the Aes Sedai to have to fight, such as another Trolloc War, or someone like Artur Hawkwing coming around again, no one wanted healers on the frontlines. They were always nice and safe in the back. Plus, since I know the Aes Sedai can't lie, I know it will still always be my choice when I obtain the shawl. A win-win situation if I ever saw one. I eagerly agreed and looked forward to her assistance in learning the One Power.

I heard a voice call my name. It was Jeaine, the Novice who had given me the tour on my first day. I had just returned from the library and had been allowed to take out a speculative text on the ecologies of Ogier forests, the Blight, and the use of the One Power to modify vegetation.

I had scanned it briefly and found it one of the few texts that actually had some rigor and analysis attached to it, as opposed to just a collection of old stories and beliefs. The Aes Sedai, from several centuries ago, had actually empirically tested her ideas.

When I am allowed to leave the Tower grounds, it will be nice to visit the Ogier Grove here on the island.

Turning my attention to my fellow Novice, her face transformed into faux horror.

"Oh no! Juilaine has already corrupted you. We barely have time to breathe, and you are doing additional reading?"

I smiled at her antics. "I was like this before I came to the Tower. My da would find books to purchase for me, as opposed to dresses and toys, when I was little."

"Was?" Jeaine said with an impish grin. "Oh, don't give me that look. It is all in good fun. You'll grow… one day."

I gave her one of my long-suffering smiles and asked what she wanted.

"We are getting a half-day off for Sun-Day, which is only two weeks away. Some of the other Novices are going to be out behind the training grounds." In a hushed tone, she continued, "There will be wine as well, and I hear that the sisters turn a blind eye to such things. I wasn't invited in my first year, but I wanted to extend the invitation to you."

I considered the pros and cons. Logically, the Aes Sedai knew of this, but allowing controlled and expected rule-breaking would provide a safety valve and prevent greater violations. Participation still held risks, but not grave ones. Spending time with my peers in camaraderie helped build useful workplace bonds, but most Novices would not become Accepted or Aes Sedai, so that didn't hold as much value.

From a personal consideration, I doubted I would enjoy being with teens and young women getting inebriated and acting foolishly. A solution came to mind.

"I will have to see. Larissa Sedai has recently been helping me with my channeling. With our schedules so regimented, it isn't as often as would be ideal. A formal break from my Novice commitments may be gobbled up by her."

Jeaine agreed that made sense. She expressed a little jealousy over personal tutelage but quickly amended that she understood why.

"Just remember us little people when you become a Sitter!"

"I don't know if that is something I would even have an interest in."

"What do you want to do? As an Aes Sedai, I mean."

That was an interesting question I had pondered. My goals in life included making sure I'm personally safe and secure. I want the same for my family. I want to master my abilities with the One Power and also refine and use my 2nd life's magic as well. Creating a solid foundation took precedent, but eventually I'd love to bring ideas from Hayek, Smith, and Mises to life. It would be fairly plagiaristic, but with my own perspective as well, and it would do the world a lot of good. I could also potentially head off some of the more evil political and social perspectives, like collectivism.

"My biggest priority is learning how to channel and seeing what I might be talented in. The Accepted Test and then the test for shawl loom large. Rational people plan for the future, but with so many unknowns, I cannot make specific plans." Conversations required some reciprocity, so even though I didn't care all that much, I asked, "And you? What do you wish to do?"

Jeaine's slight flush was visible even on her darker skin.

"I want to be Green Ajah so I can be with my Rovan."

My eyebrows rose. "You are not able to be with a man unless you are part of that Ajah?"

"Well… you can, I think, but it just isn't done. There's no problem if you are a Green. They say that the Greens even have multiple partners, which sounds exciting, but I only need Rovan."

"Doesn't Novice and then Accepted training take years?" I asked with a little confusion.

"Yes, but Rovan has promised to wait for me. I wish I could see him, but that's impossible. Plus, while I'm not as talented or powerful as you, I am better than most. An Aes Sedai told me, so I know it is true. That's my goal: I want to be a Green Ajah, make Rovan my Warder, and marry him."

Love was never something I craved in my first life. While the idea of being with a woman was exciting, I knew my various complexes would make it difficult. I can easily fool people in professional settings and blend in with ease, so much so that everyone thought I was a perfectly normal person, whether that was in my first life or my second. But a wife? She would have been with me every day, with no professional mask to put on and no clear social cadence to bury myself in.

The thought felt daunting, so I just put it aside and focused on work.

"I thought you were complaining earlier about not being able to flirt with the men training under the Warders."

"Tanya! Flirting is harmless."

That's right. She is from Arad Doman, where their views are a bit more open to these things. At least on average, I suppose, in this case she fits the stereotype.

"If that is your goal, you should work hard and try to become an Accepted and Aes Sedai as quickly as you can."

She agreed. "I may be two years your senior, but we might be raised to the Accepted near each other. Will you help me if that is the case? By then you will have surpassed me for sure."

I nodded. While I had zero desire to be part of the Green Ajah, having friends in another Ajah seemed wise, especially ones that might be more inclined toward martial matters in aiding Borderland nations like Kandor.

"I can do that, Jeaine. Thank you for the invitation. I will let you know soon if I can come."

Of course, I would be telling Larissa about my desire to spend the half-day with her learning… but Jeaine didn't need to know that.

In the weeks that passed, I learned much, not only about channeling, but also about the world I found myself in. What I found fascinating was that, linguistically, all fourteen major nations spoke the same language. Even the Aiel, who lived across the mountain range in the east, spoke the same language. If they had another, they kept it secret.

Perhaps the people in Shara, beyond the Aiel Waste, speak a different tongue.

What I was also fascinated by was how so much territory was just unclaimed. People lived there, but the expanse between a nation such as Andor and that of the Borderlands had no governing power. The lack of expansion southward from the Borderlands made sense; those nations, including Kandor, suffered greatly from repeated attacks by Trollocs. It was difficult to expand the population when inhuman monsters came out of the night on a semi-regular basis. But the rest of the nations? Bizarrely, they did not follow the path of rapid power that nations with a frontier often accomplished.

My time with Larissa was incredibly productive. I quickly outstripped whatever classes were taught by the Accepted, and I was soon able to channel a number of useful weaves. I could mold Air into a shield against projectiles, wrap it around someone to immobilize them, or even just lash out with it as a bludgeon.

With Fire, I could light candles with precision. I could make fire dance in my palm, and while we hadn't tried it, I suspected I could fling fire as a weapon with ease.

I learned little of Earth, as Larissa was weak in that element. Generally speaking, women did better with Water and Air than with Fire and Earth. Why that was the case, she did not know. In many respects, the Aes Sedai were lacking in curiosity.

"Tell me again why I cannot use Air to make myself float? Or why I cannot heal myself?"

"You cannot channel Air to lift yourself for the same reason that you cannot lift yourself by your own hair."

I blinked. "Forgive me, Larissa Sedai, but that is a poor analogy. Any upward physical force I use by pulling my own hair is countered by the downward force on my own body. When I channel this… aspect of motion should not apply, as force would move against the weave of Air, not myself. When I lift a desk with Air, I do not feel the downward pressure within my own body."

Larissa tilted her head slightly. "That is an interesting perspective, Child, but we know we cannot lift ourselves. If you wish to try to disprove it, walk me through the weaves you wish to attempt, and I will allow you to demonstrate."

I was annoyed because it should work. There was legitimately no reason why I couldn't make myself float, or potentially make myself fly, the real goal, but it just didn't work. I considered the problem from another angle. Could I make something I was sitting on move? I tried, and that didn't work either.

But what if…

"The weave to set things aflame leaves, but the fire remains."

"Depending on the medium, yes. If you hurl fire at a stone, do not expect it to burn. If you set fire to wood, then even after the One Power has ceased being used, the effect remains," Larissa said, explaining the concept.

"What if, like fire, I channel Air to create a wind? The wind would persist even though the weave has dissipated."

Larissa asked me to demonstrate the weave I was thinking. Threads of Air were used in a similar fashion to how we combine Air and Fire to create a flying fireball. Instead, I just used slivers of Air to create a small, instantaneous bit of wind. It stirred a plant's leaves slightly.

"Do you see how, after I cast, the wind persisted because I created it and it then interacted with the world in a normal way and obeyed the rules of motion?"

Her brow was furrowed now. "I think I see what you are saying, but that wouldn't be flight or even floating. How would creating a breeze allow you to fly?"

"I will use the same weave, but much stronger, and aim it at the ground below my chair. Because all I am creating is air movement that does not depend on continuous use of threads of Air. If it were continuous and the weave was pushing against the ground, I would not rise, because the weave absorbs the opposite reaction. With your permission?"

Larissa nodded as I did the calculations for the amount of Newtons and the amount of wind I needed to generate. I also had to factor in fluid dynamics, because some of the force would spread laterally.

Factoring in the density of air and the area… oh my, that's a lot of wind.

I channeled thick weaves of Air and created a brief spurt of seventy miles per hour wind toward the floor. As expected, not all the force was pushed back upward, and instead of flying up a foot before gravity reasserted itself, the chair went up an inch, tilted to its side, and I hit the ground, shattering my protective film.

"Tanya!" Larissa rushed to me, and I saw her use a technique called Delving. It was what Aes Sedai used to determine injury or illness. I was, of course, fine, which she confirmed, then looked at me with wide eyes as I put my chair back and sat down on it.

"That… that worked." Her normally calm, sometimes friendly, plain face was in a state of flabbergast.

"It needs refinement. Hmm, I could probably channel walls with Air on the sides so that the wind cannot move as far laterally. Let me try this…"

I was getting excited at the possibility. My mind raced through the calculations, and then I sent another burst of Air downward. This time it was more stable, and my chair lifted a few inches before settling back down.

"Stop. Stop that. It shouldn't be possible."

I tilted my head. "But why not? The weaves just create a phenomenon that then interacts like it should. The wind does not know it is lifting me. It seems like it would be no different than using wind to help move a vessel you are sailing on. In fact, I read that sometimes Aes Sedai do use…"

"Enough, Tanya. You cannot just disprove three thousand years of knowledge and pretend like it is nothing."

I reined in my excitement. Honestly, this didn't really deviate from any of the Tower's teachings. I wasn't making myself fly or float; I was using threads of the One Power to cause a physical reaction in the world. This wasn't really useful or practical on its own. However, I already had ideas about how I could make it work, maybe a backpack with rotary blades that I could use saidar to rotate…

I blinked. And then laughed.

Oh, why didn't I think of this earlier? Using physics is great and all, but cooperation could also do the trick!

"My apologies, Larissa Sedai. I am not laughing at you. If I were wounded, you could heal me, and if I knew how to heal, I could heal you if you were wounded, yes?"

She nodded, still thinking through what she had witnessed.

"Then, in theory, using Air, weaves that remain, not like the weave I just used, I could lift you in the air."

"Yes, of course. In fact, Aes Sedai have done this at times when facing attack."

I felt my smile widen to its full possible extent as my eyes gleamed with the thrill of this idea. "With sufficient power, you could probably toss them incredibly high, yes? Even pin them there as long as you are channeling, yes?"

"Yes, though the further you get, the more difficult it would be to maintain the weave. If you use too much One Power, there are risks."

And that will be the most difficult part of any sort of extended flight: that, and trust that your partner is competent and won't accidentally snap your neck with too sudden an acceleration or send you hurtling into the ground.

"In that case, all the ingredients are there. I throw you in the air, and you throw me in the air. We are now both floating. Just as we can manipulate objects and people in mid-air with Air weaves, we can manipulate each other and push ourselves in the direction we wish. There are risks, but…"

"Tanya!"

Larissa's eyes widened again. Was there a hint of fear? From an Aes Sedai? Why? "Your mind jumps from impossibility to impossibility. What you describe is not something I have even considered. I think we should slow down, and also not mention this to others. I am teaching you weaves far beyond what a Novice should be learning. The very idea of a Novice experimenting is unheard of. I understand your excitement, but let me think more on your idea first."

"Of course, Larissa Sedai. In the interim, if our lesson is done, perhaps I might ask you a favor."

A few moments later, her face was as calm as ever. "What would that be, Child?"

"Novices aren't allowed to receive or send letters. The only times I've heard of a Novice being allowed to receive a letter is if there was some great news of import, such as a death in the family. Instead, the Tower holds those letters until the Novice is Accepted or sent away from the Tower."

I had learned all this from other Novices.

"However, this aspect of Tower life chafes the most. Would you be willing to forward letters to my family and receive them in turn under my name?"

This was also a test to see just how much Larissa wanted me for the Yellow Ajah. Spending time teaching was something she seemed to find enjoyable, hence her volunteering to teach Novices. But if she was willing to go out on a limb like this, it signaled something more.

"I would be happy to, Child. Our Tower traditions are designed for the average Novice. Our Tower laws for the average Aes Sedai. You are different and quite special. You've proved that yet again. The rules shouldn't apply to you in the same way when the purpose and reason for those rules don't fit your situation. They would merely hinder your progress as you worried over those you care for. Leave the letters with me, and I will see them sent."

Wow, I guess she really wants me in her Ajah.