Chapter Text
A breeze passed over the lake, chilling the already cold night air. The lake was silent except for the faraway chirping of crickets, the muted lapping of water against the side of the boat, and the fucking smacking of Chook’s lips.
“Mmm. Mm.”
Cash was bouncing his leg, his hands pressed against his neck. He didn’t want to be here. He hadn’t wanted to be around the adlays since the day they’d put Harper in that car.
If he was honest with himself, maybe even before that.
“You want?” Chook asked. He stuck out his finger, Cheezel stuck on the end of it like a thimble. Cash didn’t respond. Chook laughed and went back to snacking. “Mmm.”
“I-” Cash cut himself off. “Can you shut the fuck up?”
Chook held up his hands as though surprised at Cash’s reaction, even though Cash knew he wasn’t. “Jesus, all right, lad.” He rubbed at the crumbs on his fingertips. “Calm down. What’s your problem today?”
“My-” Cash laughed, without humor. He looked to the side, and then back at Chook, staring him down incredulously. “Um. Okay, yeah, yeah, righto, my problem. My problem is I was supposed to be doing one last job with you and now we’re stuck out here in the middle of nowhere when I have somewhere better to be. That’s my problem.”
“Ooh, what, am I interrupting date night, am I?” Chook was looking down, messing with his Cheezels bag again, the crinkling punctuating his sentences. “Huh? Fucking Mardi Gras, is it?”
Cash stared at him, his jaw tense, the boiling impatience in his stomach starting to spill over.
“Guess you’ll have to get fucked by your f*ggot boyfriend some other time–”
Cash was out of his seat, slamming Chook against the side of the boat, blade to his throat. “Don’t you dare talk about them. Don’t you fucking dare.” The boat was rocking slightly, the lake splashing against the side of it like it was struggling to keep them afloat. Cash could feel the blood in his ears, the heat of it, the pounding of it thrumming under his rage.
Chook looked up at him, not quite with fear. “There’s Cashie boy.” There was a careful look in his eye, like a zookeeper watching a lion through the glass. “I thought we’d lost you, brah.” He started laughing, softly.
There was a weakness in his knees that Cash wasn’t used to. No. This wasn’t him. This wasn’t him. He crumpled back, releasing Cash and kneeling in the center of the small boat.
Chook was watching him still. Waiting.
Cash stood and hurled his knife as far as he could. The water swallowed it with a splash. Cash turned around, away from Chook. “Fuck!” he screamed, holding it out until he ran out of air. It echoed off the water until the lake was silent again, the distant chirping crickets undisturbed.
“I should fucking do you in for that.” Chook’s voice was calm, eyes locked on Cash. “Lucky I’m a nice bloke.”
Cash sat again, across from Chook, and let out a long breath. The silence hung in the air.
“Look, can we stop fucking about please?” Chook asked, leaning forward. “You’re one of us. So why don’t we just cut the shit and get back to how things were?”
Cash closed his eyes. His throat felt tight, and he willed his voice not to waver. “You don’t get it. I can’t.”
“‘Course you can. You know you wouldn’t even be here right now if it wasn’t for me. Before your nan even knew you existed, it was me who looked out for you. It was me who made sure you made it out of that fucking group home. You remember what those little fucking pricks used to call you?”
Cash stared at him, silent.
“D-d-d-d-d-douglas fucking hounded you until I gave you your fucking name!” Chook spat out the words, eyebrows furrowed, his unbothered expression cracking into anger.
Cash kept staring, face blank as he’d learned to keep it all these years. He would not crack. He wouldn’t let Chook get to him.
Chook looked down, and when he spoke again, his voice was quiet. “Remember that shit being written all over your fucking forms? ‘Child of an addict, and self-harmer.’” He spoke slowly, pausing between each phrase, letting the words sink in.
Cash’s eyes were burning. He looked up, cursing the tears that threatened to spill over.
“C-A-S-H. Cash.”
He looked back at Chook, and swallowed.
“That’s why I had your back, man.” Chook held his gaze. “I know what that’s like.”
Cash didn’t respond.
“But now you get taken in by a new little world, get taken in by your new little friends, and suddenly we’re scum. You turned your back on the people that always looked out for you. Ratted us to the fucking cops!” Chook was smiling, almost laughing, but his tone was sharp as a blade. “I’ve done some shady shit, mate, but I would’ve never done that.” He paused a beat. “You ruined everything.”
“No.” Cash’s voice was solid now, chin raised, eyes locked on Chook. “You ruined it. You ruined it when you put Harper in that car.”
“Oh, we were fucking about! Come on! Nothing was gonna happen.”
“Don’t bullshit me!” Cash was yelling again. Red light washed over their faces, then darkness, over and over in waves. “I haven’t been ‘taken in by some other world,’ I just saw ours for what it was. And it made me sick.” The tears were coming again, pressing against the backs of Cash’s eyes like irons. “I actually know what family feels like now. And whatever you and I was, it wasn’t that.”
Chook’s gaze was flat.
“You want me to come back?” Cash shook his head, almost imperceptibly. “I’d rather be fucking dead.”