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Ray sticks with Sand the whole day and he just lets him. Last night was a wakeup call for him. A reminder of why he shouldn’t fall for someone like Ray. He’s actually glad this happened before he was in too deep. Better to stay just friends.
Right now, they are at the music store and he’s trying a guitar he’s had his eye on for a while. It actually takes him by surprise when Ray decides to apologize for leaving him for Mew last night, but what he wasn’t expecting was the self-depreciation. Not only that, but the conviction with which he spoke.
“Scold me. Yell at me. You asshole. You dick. You son of a bitch. All sorts of things you name me. A burden to society”
And he smiled through it all, as if he really believes it and has come to internalize it. He can remember Ray’s friends saying these things. He himself calling him a burden to society. And it brings tears to his eyes.
“I’m sorry” Sand apologizes, voice full of emotion.
Ray looks taken aback.
“What are you sorry for?” he asks as he reaches to wipe the tears from his face.
Sand puts down the guitar and holds Ray’s hands in his.
“I’m so sorry I called you a burden”
Ray jumps slightly in shock, not having expected him to say that.
“I- It’s- It’s okay”
“No, it’s not”
“Really, I-”
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean it. I need you to know that I don’t really think you are a burden”
“Sand...”
“I worry... I called you that, I heard your friends say those things. I don’t want you to believe it”
“Sand, what are you saying?”
“Just now? You basically begged me to curse you and I could tell you completely believe all those things about yourself”
Ray looks down with a frown and stays silent, so Sand lifts his chin up with a finger.
“You are not a burden, and you don’t deserve to be yelled at and cursed at. You are a good person, Ray”
“Sand...” Ray begs him with tears in his eyes.
“I mean it. I want you to believe that”
“Sand, it’s the truth. I’m not a good person. I’m just a piece of shit”
Sand immediately wraps his arms around his shoulders and brings him into a tight hug.
“You are good and I’ll keep repeating it until you believe it”
Ray lets out a loud sob into his neck and hugs him even tighter.
Sand remembers him saying his mother never hugged him and he runs his fingers through his hair trying to soothe him.
“I don’t want you to believe those awful things about yourself. You deserve better”
“Sand...”
Sand leans back and takes Ray’s face in his hands again.
“Ray, you deserve good things”
Ray just bursts into tears, tightening his grip on Sand’s waist.
“No one... No one has ever... I- Thank you for caring about me” he says in between sobs.
“I do. I really care”
Ray leans his head on his shoulder and continues to cry for a few minutes.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about last night”
Sand opens his mouth to speak but Ray puts a finger on his lips, shutting him up.
“I never wanted to leave you, it’s just Mew... Well, it was actually good that it happened”
A sad look takes over Sand’s eyes as he looks down but Ray continues.
“I realized a few things last night. I think I just got so used to loving Mew that I never stopped to think if I actually loved him anymore. But now that I do know what it feels like to be in love I feel like an idiot”
Sand looks up again with confusion in his eyes.
“What- What are you saying?”
“I love you, Sand. I’m sorry I hurt you”
“Ray...”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know. I want to thank you for helping me realize my feelings. I’ve been pining after Mew for two years knowing he would never love me back, and honestly? it was pathetic. I mean, leaving you in the middle of... just to have his attention? You should scream at me. Curse me”
“Ray-”
“I know you don’t want me to believe those things but I’m obviously a shitty person”
“Ray, the fact that you are here, apologizing, spending the whole day with me and declaring your love for me shows me you are not, in fact, a shitty person”
“You’ll just have to believe that for the both of us for now”
“I can do that” Sand says with a smile “and hey, by the way, I love you too”
Ray looks at him with shining eyes and a huge smile on his face.
“You mean it? You love me?”
“Yes!” he laughs “Why else would I put up with your drunk ass? Ever since I took you to my place that first night you’ve been on my mind”
Ray smirks and Sand slaps his arm.
“Shut up”
“Hey, it’s nice. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about you either. Why else do you think I stalked you and forced you to be my drinking buddy?”
Sand leans in until their foreheads touch and closes his eyes, and Ray wraps his hands around his nape running his fingers through his hair.
“Maybe we should go to your room and finish what we started last night” suggests Ray.
Sand laughs and kisses him softly.
“Not yet. I want to go to look at some records first”
Ray groans but Sand sees him trying to hide a smile.
“Let’s go then”