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This part is always the hardest.
When Heizou had waved goodbye to Kazuha as he departed again, he felt a weird fluttery feeling in his stomach. He watches his friend disappear over the horizon and it grows and grows, almost unbearably so.
It was nice to see Kazuha again. It had been some time since they had been able to work on cases together, as the Vision Hunt Decree had forced them onto opposing sides of a war. His stomach filled with butterflies in Kazuha’s presence, and the brief moments where they nearly touched and the moments where he received a fond look from his friend.
This feeling was not like that. It felt like a seed born from anxiety had been planted deep within him.
I’m really going to miss you, Heizou thinks, watching the Alcor disappear from Ritou entirely. The feeling lingers, and the seed is fully planted. But will you remember me, too?
—
Months later, word of Kazuha’s return had made its way to Heizou and he fled the station in hopes of finding him immediately. Last time, Heizou had been apprehensive about finding and speaking with Kazuha again — the tension from the war still having needed time to settle in their hearts, the guilt of not helping Kazuha as much as he should, the guilt of not being able to protect Kazuha as Heizou promised himself he would — it all just weighed heavily on his mind. But Heizou’s desire to find Kazuha has always been enough to overcome that. No matter what, he will always find him. And this time, he marches right into Chinju Forest and finds Kazuha, just as his intuition said he would.
“If it isn’t Kaedehara Kazuha, known for hiding from authority when he’s done something wrong. Tell me, did you really think you could hide from me?”
Kazuha is resting against a tree, eyes closed with a gentle smile. He pries one eye open. “My, is that Doushin Shikanoin? Many tremble in fear before the cyclone, but I have yet to be afraid. What makes you think I was hiding from you?”
Because you know I’ll look for you, Heizou thinks. He smirks instead. Kazuha was the only person who bothered — rather, could — to keep up with Heizou’s style of banter. It was truly invigorating for the mind, and it was something that felt so special to the moments that they shared.
“If you aren’t, then why come all the way out here? You’ve led me to somewhere secluded and dangerous. I have to commend your style. It’s really quite bold of you.”
“Danger? Hardly.” Kazuha stands up and makes his way over to Heizou. The detective’s eyes fixate on his movements, the way his hair was disheveled from his prior position and his eyes glimmer in apparent delight. Heizou feels the familiar feeling of butterflies doing their all to free themselves from his chest — it’s just a little more than usual. “It’s good to see you again, detective.”
“Likewise. I suppose I’ll have to keep an eye on you myself then, yeah?” Heizou folds his arms. “…I hope you’ve been well.”
Friendship was awkward for Heizou. He hasn’t really sought it out after the passing of his late friend, and he’s really trying it with Kazuha — but with Kazuha, his feelings are an even bigger mess. Heizou doesn’t want to think about defining the way he obsesses over catching the littlest details of the way that the samurai laughs or moves his hands to adjust his scarf, nor the tell in his expression that he was pleased to be in Heizou’s presence. He was a detective, for crying out loud, noticing things was his job — but he wasn’t exactly working right now.
Needless to say, playing the role of a good friend is something where his calm and cool facade falters. Especially when it comes to Kazuha and his all-knowing stare. It should probably make Heizou mad that someone can read him so easily, but instead it alarms the butterflies in his chest again.
“I have. Wandering has been good for me,” Kazuha responds. Heizou hums in agreement. That much is obvious. The Kazuha of today looks brighter and happy than the broken man of the past.
A happy, healthy, content Kazuha is beautiful.
And it’s something that Heizou wants to protect for the rest of his life.
Though, that means he will get to see Kazuha very little. Heizou carefully scans over the peaceful expression Kazuha has, and his smiles are reassuring. And that’s perfectly fine, as long as Kazuha is happy.
“Glad to hear i—“
Something itches and burns at the back of his throat, and Heizou coughs suddenly. It’s painful and sharp, and it has Kazuha looking at him with concern.
“Heizou? Are you feeling unwell?”
“N-no,” the detective stutters, coughing once more. “I’m sorry. I’m okay. Just a tickle in my throat, that’s all. We all get them.”
It’s a half lie, because it was far more irritating than the usual sensation, but if Heizou couldn’t pinpoint why then there was no need to bring attention to it. It is very possible that he is just getting sick, after all.
“Anyways, Kazuha, you should tell me all about it…” Heizou says, clearing his throat. Then he panics, realizing he’s just invited Kazuha to hang out. Rule number one, he’s told himself, is to not waste Kazuha’s time. But it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want some of it. “I-I mean, I have a case here, that is…if you’d like to help me solve it. And you can tell me about it while we look it over?” It’s easier when work is involved, that’s right.
“You know that the answer will always be yes,” Kazuha says, nodding his head and folding his arms. “Won’t Madam Kujou Sara get upset if you keep running off to look for my assistance?”
“Not if we solve it.” Heizou winks, mischievously. “And I’m confident we will.” He already has. But Kazuha doesn’t have to know that.
“Then let’s get to work then,” Kazuha says, a smile surfacing on his face. Heizou swallows the anxiety down hard, a huge ball in his throat, and happily listens to his friend as he pulls the case details out.
—
They are successful, naturally. Heizou hasn’t ever met someone quite like Kazuha — if he had it his way, he’d be his partner full time…kidding! Or, rather, it’s not like he’d ever utter those words to Kazuha.
Heizou invites Kazuha to Uyuu Restaurant to celebrate. Sake is off the table for the night, as Kazuha sheepishly suggested whilst cutely scratching his cheek. It doesn’t take much for Heizou to deduce that a drunk Kazuha is likely quite the sight — an embarrassing one. Kazuha accepts, one thing leads to another, and Heizou is miserably failing to stifle the laugh that escapes his lips when Kazuha describes in detail his recent journey with Genius Invokation TCG.
“What’s so funny? Surely, you don’t think you’re a match for me,” Kazuha says, a calm voice leaning towards playful. “I’ve honed my skills the very best I can.”
Heizou smirks. “My, ronin, that is a dangerous challenge to propose. Unfortunately, I let Shinobu borrow my deck so that she could play the rest of the Arataki Gang. Her rule is if she wins, they have to properly follow through with their duties. How do you wager that goes?”
“Hmm…” Kazuha rests his chin in his hand and looks at Heizou after pushing his dish aside. “An undoubtedly soul-crushing win streak.”
“Bingo!” Heizou laughs in response. “As expected. Anyways, I hadn’t expected you to be the type to get into such a thing. I’m pretty casual with it, but I guess it’s fun from time to time.”
“I didn’t think so either. But there’s something special about the experience of strengthening your understanding of others that can be gained from it.”
“Mm…suppose that’s true…” Heizou hums, absentmindedly staring into Kazuha’s eyes. They often gazed at each other this way. It could be deemed weird by an outsider, sure.
A pause.
“I guess it wouldn’t hurt for me to try to get my deck back sometime…I must see what you’re made of, after all.”
And then Heizou grabs his water, taking a quick drink to wash down the fluttery, giddy, strange feeling that catches his throat.
“I’ll hold you to it then, detective.”
They have a good night, chatting and laughing away — and Heizou thinks that maybe this whole friendship thing can work. Just him, the detective, and Kazuha, who stained his oh-so perfect record…nothing out of the ordinary.
When he returns home that night, Heizou feels an odd feeling in his chest. It is elation, surely, like a flower being carefully tended to and watered dutifully with care. He’s not good at caring for flowers, nor is he good at maintaining relationships, but he’d really give this one his all.
—
Kazuha is a flower that beams beautifully in the sunlight. He smiles his prettiest in nature, free, wings fluttering like a carefree bird. Now, Heizou isn’t a poet, but with the amount of time that he spends with Kazuha now you can’t sue the man for the manner of speech to rub off on him.
Heizou reaffirms his desire to protect Kazuha no matter what when he laughs softly, but brightly. There’s no reservation in his voice, and it’s the first time Heizou hears it and his heart skips a beat and scratches the inside of his chest like a thorn.
“What’s so funny, exactly?” Heizou asks, plainly. He realizes belatedly that such a tone could ruin the mood, curse his lack of diligence. But when he opens his mouth to make amends, Kazuha chuckles beautifully again.
“Oh. It is really nothing.”
Heizou looks at Kazuha then, narrowing his eyes in confusion. The detective was an intelligent man, and could gauge what anyone was thinking about in an instant, but Kazuha was always a mystery to him.
“What has you thinking so hard, detective?” Kazuha asks, a curious tilt to his head that makes him appear catlike. Damn it, it’s cute.
Heizou can’t say it’s you, so he has to opt for the second best option. “I was just wondering…how long are you planning on staying in Inazuma this time?”
“I don’t have an answer for that. My mood changes with the wind, and I let that be my guide. When it’s time to continue on, I’ll know.”
“Oh…I see.” Heizou mumbles, trying not to sound too hopeful. Kazuha laughs again, but this time there’s a bit more restraint behind it. Doesn’t matter though, he’ll be perfect no matter what he says or does.
A hand, almost tentatively, reaches for Heizou’s cheek and tilts his head back towards Kazuha. Kazuha looks at him with a gentle frown, observing his face. Heizou tries his best to contain his shock — the ronin was not a touchy person, quite the opposite.
“You ask me what I find so amusing. It’s that you continue to treat me like a puzzle, despite me placing all of my cards on the table.” His thumb comfortingly runs over Heizou’s mole and the flush that rises to his face is instant. “I just couldn’t help but to think that you’re actually rather silly — I mean, in the best way possible, of course.”
He then ceases all contact by removing his hand. Please. Please do it again, Heizou pleads in his mind. Please just touch me again. But why would a friend linger on for any longer? His throat stutters as Heizou coughs, placing an ample amount of distance between them. Suddenly his throat feels uncomfortable.
“Do you mean to mock me, Kazuha?” Heizou asks, looking away with a blush and a pout. Nobody else can make him lose his cool quite like that. His throat really burns, as if being scratched as he speaks.
“No, of course not,” Kazuha says, not commenting on the coughing but looking at Heizou rather worriedly. “Although…maybe we should take a break to have some tea? Your breathing sounds a bit painful. Does your throat hurt?”
Heizou starts to shake his head but it breaks into another coughing fit. It’s almost unbearable, as if something begs to escape his chest. “…Yeah, that might be a good idea.”
They go to Heizou’s home, and he watches in awe as Kazuha fumbles through his kitchen to prepare them some tea. He’s been coming over so much lately that he’s beginning to know where things are.
Heizou’s brain betrays him, and he thinks about how domestic that is. His friend moved with ease, and Heizou’s eyes fixated on his serious frown, attentive eyes and the careful way he moved his hands to pour their tea. So, so mesmerizing.
“There we are. You’re running low on tea options, I’ve noticed. Today I made you some green tea.”
“Guess I’ll have to buy some more then, eh? Thanks Kazuha, you spoil me.” Heizou says with a smile, gratefully receiving his tea and taking a drink.
Any tea prepared by Kazuha is delicious and gifted to perfection. Heizou assumes it’s due to his family teachings and etiquette. Heizou vaguely remembers his own dad attempting to teach him similar manners, in case they had any esteemed guests, and failing miserably.
“Anything for a good friend,” Kazuha nods, joining him by sitting down. He lifts his tea, and Heizou watches the way his thumb idly makes circles on the bottom of the cup before he takes a sip of it.
They spend the rest of the day idly chatting amongst themselves. Heizou loves Kazuha’s ability to offer witty remarks in response to Heizou’s own comments. He’s truly thrilling to speak to. More so than anyone else he’s ever met.
Deep within Heizou, he wants to cling onto Kazuha and never let go. As he says goodbye to Kazuha again, he realizes that Kazuha has filled this lonely and empty hole within him. You don’t know that you needed something until it was given to you, they say. The ronin repeatedly patches a hole in his heart that merely reopens every time Heizou is reminded that what they share isn’t mutual feelings.
There is a selfish side of Heizou that wants to beg Kazuha to stay the night, or to tell him how he really feels. But whenever Kazuha gives him that true, honest smile — the detective pauses in his awe.
Kazuha is untouchable, separated from Heizou by a wall of glass. That’s how it should be. See, not touch. Guard, not have. It’s the only way to maintain what makes him shine.
Like watching his flowers bloom.
—
Heizou awakes the next morning in a shock, coughing hard. This time, an awful feeling rises through his throat and he breathes hard and he tries to cease his coughing. Archons, it burns.
He tries to stifle the next one, and fails. But this time, something causes Heizou to freeze.
A singular pink flower petal flutters down onto his bedding. Heizou freezes as he watches it land. The burn in his throat subsides, for now, and he stares at it blankly. He holds a hand to his chest, suddenly feeling quite tense.
Did that flower petal just…?
Heizou shakes his head. He’d left his windows open. Surely, this must be why. It does little to ease his concerns.
—
Ignoring whatever it was that had woken Heizou up earlier in the morning, he meets Shinobu for some lunch.
“So, anyways, I’m going to need my deck back,” Heizou finishes his story with a laugh. “If you’d be so kind. Kazuha really wants to play against me, after all.”
“Yeah, no problem. Thank you for letting me hold onto it for so long. It was a big help,” Shinobu nods. Then she pauses, and continues tentatively. “You and Kaedehara seem quite close these days.”
“Hmm, do you think so?” Heizou just hums, seemingly disinterested. Truth be told, it gave him a sort of smug satisfaction to be told such a thing. It made him feel like Kazuha was truly his, if even for a moment.
“Yeah. And you know how fast rumors spread around here. So, pardon my questioning but the boss is curious. Are you guys—“
Heizou’s throat burns again, and it takes great effort to swallow down what feels like flower petals in his throat.
“No, no no no — it’s not like that.” Heizou chuckles, nervously.
“But do you want it to be?” Shinobu asks, knowingly. She usually doesn’t pry this much, but her eyes look a bit worried. The detective understands that she’s just trying to make sure that he’s okay.
Heizou pauses, breathing heavily. “Yeah,” he admits.
Silence falls between them. Heizou watches as petals from nearby trees flutter through the air. “Good luck then. Feelings can be kind of hard. Sorry for prying.”
Heizou smiles. “It’s okay.”
“Oh wait, are you supposed to be at the station right now?” Shinobu asks.
“Yup.” Heizou winks and she sighs. “It’s easier to work on my own though, and the food there sucks. Hence my invitation to you.”
“Fair enough.”
They continue to talk about other things after that. After having a pleasant lunch with Shinobu and waving bye, Heizou steps to the outskirts of the city, into a secluded space, and starts coughing.
Good luck, she’d said. But it’s hopeless to even think about. It’s Heizou’s role to keep his distance, no matter what.
Heizou covers his mouth as he coughs, and when he feels that fluttery feeling that he once thought was giddiness, he moves his palm out to catch the petals as they fall into his hands. Tears formed in his eyes after painfully coughing up several petals. They looked like sakura bloom petals. One had a very small amount of blood on it, which is no less concerning.
On top of all of these feelings, what is the meaning of this?
—
Should you crave to touch something beautiful, knowing that if you do it becomes tainted forever?
Heizou thinks the answer is no. It is one of the biggest driving forces in his ambition, after all. Sin being a vile darkness that infests people’s hearts and minds, often to the point of no return, is his enemy. He vows to find the source of this darkness and stomp it out for good. But it’s difficult when there’s no tangible form. The detective has yet to perfectly understand what it means to take this path he has chosen.
But that is beside the point. Heizou couldn’t be where he is without his own fair share of darkness. You can’t tackle the jobs he’s chosen without stepping a bit into the shadows. And while he means well, does everything he can to protect others — his hands and mind have been the source of another’s distress.
Kazuha isn’t like Heizou. He protects people’s hopes and dreams as an observer. He tackles his own head on, with a pure heart. He’d been a wanted criminal once, but even that wasn’t enough to stain him — his desire to protect his friend’s will was nothing short of admirable. He considers himself to be imperfect, flawed, even unsightly — it’s a side of Kazuha that Heizou is still becoming accustomed to. He wasn’t expecting Kazuha to have such thoughts about himself.
But it’s all of these human attributes that make Heizou love him. He’s perfect in every flaw he possesses, even when he’s angry, even when he removes bandages from his hand and reveals scarred skin. It’s the fact that despite it all, he moves forward.
Heizou doesn’t. He is a tree rooted firmly into the grounds of Inazuma. He does the opposite of Kazuha, despite similar ideologies, by protecting people by stepping in. Stepping in makes it easier to make enemies. Heizou presented himself perfectly, compared to Kazuha’s own imperfections, and because of that — he is isolated.
Being with Heizou would spell nothing but trouble for Kazuha. The ronin would be bound to wilt by his touch.
So really, he shouldn’t crave being able to touch him…and yet he does. To feel something.
Heizou feels sick, not surprised at the now familiar feeling of flower petals rising through his chest, desperate to escape.
—
Heizou, with Kazuha accompanying him, visits the Grand Narukami Shrine in the following week. Thankfully, by this point, whatever illness has infested him has seemed to calm, ceasing almost completely. It’s good, because the last thing Heizou needs is to worry Nana or Kazuha.
They deliver a letter to Nana, and then the two are free to do as they please. Heizou had no work to chase after for the moment, so he merely stood behind Kazuha as he looked around.
“It’s been some time since I’ve visited here,” Kazuha mumbles aloud. It’s subtle, but Heizou can hear the excitement in his tone.
Heizou grins. “Is that so? Well, dear ronin, how about we spend more time up here? We can even get our fortune slips for the day.”
“I’d love that,” Kazuha answers, staring at Heizou. The detective meets his gaze, playfully. Things feel normal, they feel alright. His gaze lingers for a long moment, though, and Heizou feels caught like a trapped deer by an attentive glance.
Kazuha steps closer to him, and Heizou merely stands in place as he reaches forward and grabs something out of Heizou's hair.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, face close enough to Heizou that Heizou could lean forward and kiss him if he so wished. “You have a little something there.”
Kazuha plucks out another, and shows them to Heizou. Sakura petals. They were common around the shrine, after all. He picks out a few more, holding them all in his palms.
“Although…they did look rather cute in your hair,” Kazuha says, as if that’s the most normal thing to say in this situation. “Hm…perhaps these sakura can provide inspiration for a haiku? What do you think?”
“U-um…” Heizou stammers, fighting the urge to catch his lips and catch everything that is Kazuha all right this very moment. Longing was a troublesome feeling. “You mean the trees right? Not the ones that were sitting in my hair?”
Kazuha’s eyes twinkle with that familiar mischief. For as calm and serious as Kazuha was, he sure had a playful streak. Maybe he was a kitsune? Heizou would have to research this further. “I think you’re well aware what the answer to your question is.”
Heizou lets Kazuha walk past him with a sweet hum.
“You’re such a menace, ronin. Most people would tell me I’m wrong if I told them that, y’know. It surprised even me at first.”
Kazuha flushes a little at the comment, clearly a little bashful, and Heizou takes that as a win. He’s even prettier when embarrassed, archons save Heizou.
“…I’m going to head further in. Join when you’re ready,” Kazuha says.
Good thing he leaves, because the moment he does, Heizou can’t hold it in anymore. Sakura petals escaped him in stuttered coughs and gasps. Damn it, he thought it had finally ended. Why this, why now, why right after he’d met up with Kazuha again?!
Heizou hides himself behind one of the trees, hoping for no witnesses as tears prick at the corner of his eyes. It hurts, he thinks. Petals spill from his lips, tumbling to the ground. A poet might find them beautiful, but Heizou was sick to death of it.
Thinking about Kazuha waiting for him, Heizou stumbles to his knees, coughing more as more sakura petals tumble to the ground. There’s so many…there’s never been this many…His chest feels tight, as if he can’t breathe.
Heizou’s brow furrows in deep frustration as they finally subside, his arms shaking with effort to hold himself up. His breathing is unsteady, and his chest still feels tight. He takes one hand to wipe his mouth.
“Oh dear, now if this is a sight I haven’t seen in quite a few years.”
Heizou freezes, caught in his tracks. He looks up, to see Yae Miko herself — and knows that there’s no getting out of this predicament. And yet…
“Wait, you know what this is?”
Yae Miko looks down at him, smiling as she always does. “I do, indeed. Hehe, it is beautiful, isn’t it?”
The detective shakes his head. “It hurts…” Heizou drops his head shamefully. It is unlike him to allow himself to show a single sign of weakness — as any poor move could lead to his demise, but Heizou needed answers. He was desperate. Whatever this was would only cause him to falter later as well.
To his surprise, Yae’s expression softens a fraction. “What you have, little one, is a disease known as the hanahaki disease. It was quite the phenomenon in Inazuma back in the day. I can’t say I’ve seen it for quite some time though. This is a new development…”
“Can you please elaborate?” He’d like to get back to Kazuha as soon as possible.
She taps a finger to her chin, as if contemplating it. “Alright. But only because this is an affliction of which symptoms I have been in close proximity — ah, rather, never mind that. But I can tell you because…”
Yae Miko observes him very closely, studying his condition.
“The consequences can be devastating, if not handled properly.”
Heizou shudders, head filling with possibilities. He didn’t like the sound of that.
“Hanahaki disease was a rather notorious occurrence back in the day, I’d say about a hundred years ago. It is a disease in which, as you know, you cough up flower petals. Though as time passes, and this is why time is crucial, they will eventually become whole flowers. Take it as…a little garden, growing inside of you.”
Heizou stares at the ground, thinking hard about it. He thinks it over carefully, trying to gauge how far he could possibly be to that stage. Considering the amount that just escaped him, Heizou feels as though it can’t be far off yet. “And then?”
“You’d die. The flowers growing within are growing straight into your heart and your lungs.”
The answer doesn’t surprise Heizou as much as it should. There are still too many unanswered questions. But there’s one that bothers Heizou more than the others.
“And what causes something like this?”
This is where she pauses. “Unrequited love.”
“What?” Heizou’s answer is immediate, and he can’t help but laugh. “That’s ridiculous. You can’t tell me that something as simple as that can cause a disease — let alone one like this. What is it really?”
“It is very real, little one. You’re quite attached to that ronin, aren’t you? More so than the average person I’d say.”
With a shaky breath and a shake of his head, Heizou still refuses to believe it.
“Fine, then. What is the cure for something like this in that case? If it’s ’unrequited love’, then…”
“There are three ways that this goes. You either die from lack of treatment, as I said before, or if the person in question returns your feelings, it will gradually subside. Or there’s an operation you can undergo, one that only I know how is performed. However — in the case that you do this, you will lose all memory of your dear ronin and it will be as if you’ve never met. A tragic fate.”
There’s more to the story that she isn’t mentioning, Heizou knows it. His intuition is sharp enough to understand that she herself has some complicated feelings regarding this disease. But, as crafty as she is, Heizou is merely grasping for straws.
Silence falls for a long moment as Heizou processes the ridiculousness of this situation. The detective is frustrated, more than anything. There’s no way that such a thing could exist — it is highly illogical. His brain only accepted the logical.
He looks at the flower petals that surround him on the ground.
And yet…nothing about this is logical.
“It appears as though you’ve made your decision.”
Heizou’s eyes meet Miko’s with a determined stare and a wide, signature grin as he brings himself to his feet. “I have.”
The truth is, he doesn’t accept any of the three options that Miko had given him. Heizou couldn’t accept forgetting Kazuha, someone who has shaped his world in a way that he cannot forget. He refuses to do it. It is the one thing that Heizou allows himself to be selfish about, his desire to watch Kazuha be free.
On the other hand, he also cannot die. Dying was never an option from the moment he received his vision and fled home to become a detective. He was a man on a mission, and he’d fight to it until his last dying breath once sin has been washed away from the world. Heizou cannot die.
But it…simply cannot be that Kazuha would return his feelings. Heizou is so certain of it that it hurts his heart enough to feel that familiar itch. Heizou always maintains a particular distance, so that he cannot hold back and so that he can always be free no matter what. If you think about it, Heizou created this whole situation himself.
“I don’t accept any of your solutions. I will live, and I won’t go a day in my life without remembering him. It’s as simple as that. I will just be stronger than it.”
Heizou ought to get going soon. No information from Yae Miko was free of cost, so he knew he’d have to pay up soon. He’d rather the debt owed not be quite so much.
“Thank you for the help,” he says with a polite bow, unlike Heizou’s usual rebellious nature. He does have enough discipline to respect Lady Yae Miko and her shrine, at the very least.
He walks away, looking for Kazuha, and Yae watches with a smile on her face.
“Well isn’t that response nostalgic? I hadn’t expected that there’d be anyone else to say it in my whole lifetime. A mortal being this time, no less.”
It’s easy to spot Heizou finding Kazuha in the crowd and running up to him. The tone changes in his eyes and how it mirrors the ronin’s own.
“Hm…I should pay Ei a visit soon.” And she walks off.
“Heizou, where have you been?” Kazuha asks.
Heizou cannot lie to Kazuha. He’d be able to detect it as such an instant, it’s one of the long list of things that the detective finds very attractive about him. So he has to settle for a little…half truth.
“I had to meet up with Lady Guuji. I have a feeling that I’ll be returning here very soon to return an owed favor.” He chuckles nervously at the thought.
Kazuha smiles then, and the image of it strikes Heizou’s heart. It is like water to the flowers, and he struggles to clear his throat but manages to do so without being too obvious. “Well, I’m glad you’re back now.”
One of the ronin’s hands moves slowly to Heizou’s wrist and it makes the detective’s breath hitch. He swears the little shit chuckles under his breath. His hand then clasps over Heizou’s.
“Come on. I was waiting for you. Over there, let us get our fortune slips.”
Most of Kazuha’s hand is covered, of course, but the contact has Heizou craving for so much more. His heart constricts, as if a vine wraps around it. Heizou’s hand tightens around Kazuha’s.
“Sorry for making you wait. Let’s go.” He lets Kazuha lead him away.
—
The rest of the day goes without any mishaps, but the moment that Heizou steps behind doors it all comes out. He keels over, and coughs hard. Petals are followed with blood this time. There is a slight metallic scent amongst them.
Is that all you’ve got? Heizou thinks. He could deal with this pain if he had to.
That was the wrong question.
His chest tightens and Heizou clutches it tightly as more spills out past his lips, though much more painful this time. It is as something larger wants to force its way out of him. I can’t breathe, Heizou thinks. Shit.
This time, a full flower flutters out from his mouth, and Heizou stares at it in surprise. Things are progressing quickly. A little too quickly for Heizou to figure out how to manage effortlessly without Kazuha figuring out the truth.
It is a little overwhelming, to be honest. Tears freely fall from his eyes. Shikanoin Heizou does not cry, but the pain was so much that he just needed to let it out. His throat is already hoarse as he does so. This is just another one of those things that the genius detective has to handle completely alone.
Kazuha is the only person that Heizou relies on, truly, but he can’t rely on him for this. He will do this so that he can keep Kazuha close.
On that thought, Heizou manages to console himself through the whirlwind of thoughts plaguing him. He knows what he must do now. It sounds a little ridiculous in his head, but he knows. For a little while, Heizou will have to avoid Kazuha and bury himself fully into his work.
After all…Kazuha has spent longer in Inazuma this time. Heizou suspects that it has to do with himself, and that thought terrifies him. Will Kazuha grow to despise him if his friendship with Heizou makes him feel so obligated to keep him in one place? It’s like taking a bird’s wings. It is cruel. Some separation will do them some good.
So, for the following week after making this resolution, Heizou buried himself in his work. He hadn’t yet run into Kazuha due to a deliberate game of avoiding him. Which, to his credit, is no easy task. Kazuha can manipulate the winds in his favor, can hear you miles before you’d hear him coming, and has deductive skills that only Heizou can rival. Again — incredibly sexy for sure, but it’s a little frustrating right now.
This time, Heizou lets his guard down. That is a mistake.
“There you are, detective.”
Heizou had been deep in thought, following the trail of a group of bandits. His eyes widened at the familiar voice, turning his head to meet Kazuha’s gaze. Oh — he was so close! Kazuha was right in his space, brow furrowed. Something in his expression is clearly annoyed, and the other confused. He appears as though he’s searching Heizou’s eyes for answers.
Jumping back, Heizou maintains space between them and his now thorny heart. “Oh! Kazuha! Long time no see.”
“Yes, it has been awhile.” Kazuha answers, still gazing at him. Nothing seems too out of the ordinary but Heizou can tell by that flash of annoyance he’d seen in his eyes and the tense air around them how Kazuha really feels.
Kazuha is upset.
He is akin to a pouty cat, having been told ‘no’. Under normal circumstances the detective would love to call this cute, but this was no longer normal circumstances. Heizou does, however, feel awful the moment he realizes Kazuha’s turmoil.
The flowers act like they’ve just seen the sun again, acting up in the back of Heizou’s throat. He’d gotten better at suppressing them, but hasn’t mastered it. This means that they cannot do this right now. Not yet.
“I’ve been busy with work, unfortunately. Though I do miss hanging out,” Heizou responds casually, finger fidgeting with the collar of his shirt. Kazuha’s eyes follow the movement then meet his gaze. How Heizou shrinks when roles are reversed and he finds himself to be the one under scrutiny.
“Then, please allow me to help you. If your workload has been so heavy, I wouldn’t want to sit idly by.”
“No.” Heizou says it firmly, without room for argument. Kazuha’s eyes widen, and hurt flashes his face for but a moment — and Heizou hates himself for it.
He doesn’t want to see a look like that on Kazuha’s face. That’s why Heizou has to figure this out as soon as possible. Heizou vowed to ensure that the ronin never suffers, and yet here he goes — being that dark, rainy cloud that follows him. Just a little longer, and he’ll find the solution. He has to.
“Not this time, sorry. Madam Kujou has been a little bit on my case lately, you see.” Heizou pauses, scrambling for words to ease Kazuha’s brain. “You know if I were able to ask for help I’d ask you in a heartbeat, yeah?”
Kazuha’s mouth opens, but then he closes it with a furrowed brow. Just what had he wanted to say?
“Okay,” Kazuha finally says, softly. “Next time then.”
“Next time.” And Heizou walks away, no matter how much his intuition screams for him not to.
—
Over the next few days, things become a little…strange. Heizou has been following several different trails of bandits and nobushi alike, stirring up trouble. But for the last two days, a group of bandits frantically and fearfully turned themselves in, and another had been found at their camp, bound, as if already caught.
And now, a new case falls into Heizou’s hands. And he doesn’t understand why. This has got to be the easiest bandit trail he’s ever been granted. Surely this was a mistake — Heizou’s genius could not be slandered like this. It was laughable, really. But apparently a letter was left with the report stating that it was urgent that Doushin Shikanoin was the one who arrived at the scene.
These culprits had stolen materials from Watatsumi Island, and had already fled halfway to Ritou to sell them. Quite a despicable act, really. Heizou is fond of Watatsumi Island, and everyone on it despite their understandable apprehension towards him. He will make sure to return their goods safely.
Heizou follows his lead, and finds the camp where he believes they should be. And as like everything else this week, this is just as confusing. There are no materials at this camp, merely a bag of supplies that Heizou suspects belongs to a traveler. But, if that is the case, why are they nowhere to be found?
A gust of wind appears behind Heizou and he’s too late to notice it. His handcuffs are grabbed, and as Heizou turns to fight his attacker, they swiftly grab his fist inches away from their face.
Wait a second. Heizou freezes. The man in front of him is none other than Kazuha himself, who uses one cuff to cuff Heizou and then the other to himself.
“You’ve been avoiding me.” Kazuha says it plainly. “I just want to understand why.”
“My, ronin, don’t you know that you can get into serious trouble by doing something like this?” Heizou raises his cuffed wrist whilst raising a brow. He does his best to keep things lighthearted and winks. Kazuha obviously isn’t buying it. So he sighs. “Or, ahem, the better question is why would you go to such extremes?”
“You are my friend, and something is troubling you. I don’t know what it is, but it has something to do with me, and I want to be able to understand so that you can have some sort of clarity. It pains me to see you work yourself to the point of exhaustion. That’s why I took care of the bandit problems, and that’s why I did this.”
Heizou’s eyes narrow. “And why handcuff yourself at the same time? Wait, and hold on, you’re the one who defeated an entire bandit camp before I could get there? And had another group so scared that they confessed without me even making it to them? Man alive…”
“Yes, that was me. I’d already taken notice of several groups in my wandering before we’d seen each other the other day. It was a simple matter of retracing my steps and then doing what you’d taught me. And this,” Kazuha looks down at his own wrist, lips in a thin line. “This is because I’m also troubled. I also fear the need to run away despite us needing this confrontation.”
So this is the Kaedehara Kazuha version of throwing a fit. Heizou’s heart aches to relieve his worries. He’s such a good natured person, wearing his heart on his sleeve — despite luring Heizou out into a concealed area just to get his attention. Kazuha’s emotions are one of the things that made him the most beautiful. He was incredibly flawed and though he finds it unsightly, it only causes Heizou to fall harder each time.
His throat burns and he does his best to not cough. It was going to be difficult to speak, but he’s been preparing to face Kazuha sooner or later.
“There is something troubling me, yes,” Heizou admits. He has to go with only a partial truth, once again. It cannot be the flowers, not his unrequited love — his only option is to express how he continues to hold Kazuha back. “I feel as though I’ve been taking up too much of your time lately. I’ve felt terrible about it. You’ve just been telling me how much you’ve been wanting to see more of the world, and yet I’ve kept you here.”
Selfish. Guilty.
Shikanoin Heizou doesn’t cry, but he’s close to tears again. Even admitting this amongst other things was difficult.
Kazuha chuckles softly. “Oh, dear friend…you’ve no reason to worry. You should know very well that I am but a selfish person. If I had wished to leave, I would. I did before, didn’t I? Perhaps admitting that would make you see less in me…”
“No!” Heizou answers immediately, shaking his head violently. “I would never think less of you. It is your earned freedom. And yet I selfishly eat up your time.”
“You are not eating up my time,” Kazuha argues. “I spend time with you because I value you that much. As for traveling, I have merely been waiting for the winds to beckon me again.”
Heizou listens in silence.
“I hear the Alcor will be returning to Ritou soon. So I’ll be leaving soon. But fret not, Heizou, for I will always think of and remember you fondly.” Kazuha says these words quietly, a touch endearingly. “And then I’ll come back, and search for you all over again.”
I never stop searching for you, Heizou thinks, and he uses his free hand to suppress a tickle in his throat that threatens to start a coughing fit. No matter where you go, I’ll always chase you.
Kazuha’s words were nearly too much for him, and the garden within his lungs hung onto every word, as if each flower took great joy in torturing him. This was a lot for Heizou to process, after all. Kazuha’s words brought him a great deal of comfort, but there is a natural pang of sadness when he realizes that they won’t see each other for a while soon.
Even though it is what Heizou wanted, he contradicts himself. He wants to beg Kazuha to stay. Isn’t that what makes him so terrible?
“Are we alright now?” Kazuha asks, using his free hand to wipe away a tear that Heizou hasn’t realized he’d shed.
“Yeah,” Heizou answers softly. “We are. I’m sorry for avoiding you Kazuha.” Even though he doesn’t have the full picture.
“It’s alright. And I’m sorry for deceiving you and bringing you here,” Kazuha says with a sheepish expression. “I find no joy in lying.”
“That was quite the bold move…but I’ll allow it this time.”
“Thank you for your mercy…” Kazuha sighs, and deflates. Heizou is able to watch the tension and anxiety escape him. It makes Heizou smile. “Um, anyways…so…”
“Yeah?” Heizou asks, still in his lovestruck daze. He ignores the agonizing feeling growing in his chest that warned him to back away.
“These…handcuffs. We can take them off now.”
Oh. Heizou looks down at their hands. “The key is at the station.” Fuck. Heizou typically knows how to free himself from handcuffs or pick them off, however these ones were designed specifically to avoid something like that happening. He had initially feared that a highly dangerous criminal had led him into an obvious trap and prepared appropriately.
This means they have to walk all the way back to Inazuma City. Heat floods his cheeks. They have to take this walk…bound together just like this…all the way into the station where all of his coworkers are. Heizou looks back up at Kazuha, who seems to just realize the same thing as pink tints his face.
“Oh.”
Kazuha’s impulsivity to do something like this was endearing, at the very least.
The journey back to Inazuma City isn’t as awkward as Heizou thought it would be. They spent the majority of their time catching up, with Heizou throwing Kazuha the occasional riddle to time just how fast he solves it. He did find himself overheating a little at the amount of times their shoulders or fingers brush together, and close proximity of it all.
All the while, he still fought to hold every little flower petal in. Heizou was rather happy with the progress he’d made suppressing it. Maybe he really could go on like this.
Kazuha was exactly the ray of sunlight that Heizou needed to get through this. It was only unfortunate that flowers would share that opinion.
The situation becomes a little more awkward the moment that they step into Inazuma City and people begin to stare. The duo traverses quickly and once arriving at the station Heizou curses under his breath. There are so many people right now, Madam Kujou amongst those people. She shoots him an incredibly agitated glare and looks down at their hands cuffed together. That is humiliating.
Heizou does his best to ignore it all though, and leads Kazuha to the side. He manages to get ahold of his key, and frees both of them from the handcuffs. The moment they’re off, Kazuha surprises Heizou by throwing his arms around him.
“I wanted to do this earlier,” Kazuha said quietly. “You seemed in pain.”
Heizou holds him in return, relishing in their newfound closeness. “I feel better now.”
—
I feel better now. Heizou was such a liar. It was so ugly. He knows that there’s no way Kazuha bought that excuse.
It had taken his erratic heartbeat doing its best to yell for help during their little hug to remember that Kazuha could hear his breathing. Hell, he’d probably heard it the entire way back to the city. The ronin definitely knows that Heizou’s condition hasn’t gotten better now, and he won’t be impressed by it.
Despite all of that, Heizou flops down onto his bedding. The close proximity of today had him crave so much, yearn for so much. Why must he want to touch Kazuha so badly? He is not to be touched, not by Heizou ever.
Selfishly, he just wants to think about it. It’s okay to think about it — right? Heizou sits up as the petals finally overtake him. He was overdue for the day. He does his best to ensure they all land on the towel he’d prepared beforehand. It got more painful every day, but he’d gotten better at predicting how it would be, or the intensity of it.
The only problem now was that he’d struggle to breathe more frequently. Heizou had the idea of using anemo to bring air into his lungs, his little way of cheating the system, but as he stares at the two bloody flowers in front of him, Heizou knows that it is a futile solution. He is at square one again.
Back to the drawing board it is.
—
Heizou doesn’t feel too well. The world seems to spin around him as he prepares for a fight. He really hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but the nobushi had ambushed him on his way home from a case. It wasn’t really an unheard of occurrence — naturally, those with hands tainted by sin would feel threatened by Heizou.
But this, right now, was too much. He had just been sick a few minutes prior, sakura petals left in a puddle behind him. He can hardly stand the moment he infuses his fists with his anemo powers.
Through sheer willpower, Heizou starts the fight off strong. He’s able to swiftly dodge and land some good blows in on his opponents. But, for some reason, he isn’t able to detect a fifth nobushi join the fray as backup, charging right for him. Heizou yelps in pain as he’s knocked to the ground.
The world is spinning, nonstop, and he isn’t sure what to do as he hears the laughter of one of the nobushi surrounding him.
“You…” He spits. “I’ll make you regret this.”
Heizou prepares to throw himself up with anemo just as they crowd around him, one of them lifting their blades to deal the final blow. He realizes belatedly that even at full strength, in his position he wouldn’t have enough power to push through all of them.
He grimaces and grits his teeth as he prepares to anyways, ignoring the sharp pain from an earlier strike. But as he does so, he’s surrounded by a gentle but commanding breeze and soothing maple leaves. The nobushi shout as they’re pulled right to their new challenger via the wind, and Heizou sees a strong enough blow land to the whole group to have them all tumbling over.
Apart from that, he can’t take his eyes off of the maple leaves. They swirl and flutter around him, slowly gently fluttering to the ground. His eyes become transfixed, and Heizou’s heart calms. He knows now that he’s safe, and closes his eyes and lets leaves carry him away.
They are way better than flowers.
…
“—lease…Please, wake up…” A panicked voice pleads. Heizou recognizes it, but he doesn’t open his eyes. The last thing he remembers is a humiliating defeat. The cyclone has never lost. He can’t live with this being the first time.
“Heizou, please, wake up…” The voice catches on a near sob, clearly trying with great effort to stay calm.
The voice is gentle and soothing, familiar. It cradles his heart and it feels as though it could carry his own. It doesn’t judge him, only cherishes him. And because of that, Heizou pries one eye open.
Kazuha is staring down at him, holding onto one of his arms as he ties the last of some bandages to it. There are tears in the corners of his eyes, and yet he doesn’t cry.
Why don’t you cry? Heizou thinks. The detective has never stopped to consider why Kazuha doesn’t cry either. Is it because you have to stay strong, too? No matter how much it hurts?
Despite the pain, he lifts a hand to rest of Kazuha’s cheek, who gasps in recognition. “Are you alright?” Heizou asks.
“Heizou…” Kazuha’s expression turns from fearful to reprimanding. “You scold me countless times for my recklessness and then you go and do something like this? What has gotten into you? Of the two of us, you’re usually much more careful.”
It’s what makes us a good pair, huh?
Heizou laughs. He hopes there aren’t any flower petals around. There wasn’t any, was there? Nothing incriminating upon himself that would force him to tell Kazuha the truth? “You’re right. I’m very sorry. Thank you for protecting your dear, defenseless detective.”
“I’m just glad that you’re okay,” Kazuha says, and the tone of his voice pains Heizou’s heart. “I…you were…”
“I know. I’m sorry,” Heizou says, mumbling as he looks away. This is humiliating. And really, Kazuha was the last person he needed to see him in such a state. So far his attempts to hold back the increase of the disease have been futile. But he is really trying.
He must not be thinking, because Heizou wills himself to sit up, still holding Kazuha’s cheek, and plants a kiss right on his cheek in an effort to stop his tears. Please, please never cry for me. It would mean that you’re hurt and it’s all my fault.
Kazuha tenses at the action and Heizou realizes what he’s done, snapping back immediately. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—“
“Thank you, Heizou.” Kazuha says, looking down. He looks like he’s fighting a smile as he furrows a brow in thought. “Anyways. You do need to go home and rest. I’ll accompany you to make sure there are no more ambushes.”
Heizou isn’t so sure that he can make it home without spilling every secret little sakura in his chest.
—
This part is always the hardest.
Yes, Heizou does think this every single time. But saying goodbye is almost unbearably difficult this time. He has to be careful not to slip up.
“Do not fret, my friend, as I promised I know I will return in due time.”
“I know, I know,” Heizou huffs his best laugh. “You give me this speech every time. Just make sure to live up to that and stay safe! I need you to get back here in one piece and work on more cases with me.”
“Yes of course, esteemed Doushin Shikanoin. I won’t let you down, sir.”
A long pause. The two of them laugh.
“Any idea of where you’re heading now?” Heizou asks, idly.
“Through the letter, Beidou mentioned Chenyu Vale. So it’s back to Liyue for me. Though, I have yet to venture into Chenyu Vale, so this will be a whole new experience for me…” Kazuha’s eyes twinkle with that typical subtle mischief. “And I’ll be sure to tell you all about it…while we work on cases, naturally.”
“Why, you—“
“Kazuha! We’ve got to get going soon!” Beidou yells from the docks, waving an arm furiously.
“I’ll be there shortly!” Kazuha calls back, nodding her way before turning back towards Heizou. Something in his eyes causes the detective to freeze. Kazuha looked nervous. His expression was tense in apprehension. And yet, fierce determination pierced through whatever turmoil he was fearing. “Heizou, I have to tell y—“
“Well, you don't want to keep your captain waiting, right? My intuition tells me that you don’t want to make her mad.” Heizou blurts quickly. He cannot bear to hear what Kazuha has to say. His intuition already tells him where it’s going if he does.
“But, Heizou—“
“It’s time to go, Kazuha.”
Kazuha’s brow furrows in mild frustration. He sighs, giving up on whatever it is that he wants to say. Instead, the ronin steps forward. A gentle hand cups Heizou’s cheek, and Kazuha leans in and kisses his other cheek, right over his mole. Heizou’s breath catches and warmth floods his heart as his brain tries to catch up with what’s happening. Kazuha’s lips are soft and ticklish on his cheek, and the sensation is gone before he can properly register it.
After leaning back, Kazuha puts an ample amount of space between them again. The two stare at each other for a long moment. The ronin seems to be waiting for Heizou to say something, but no words come. They’re all lodged in the detective’s throat. The other slowly seems to resign to the silence, and almost seems disappointed by it.
Pathetic, pathetic, get it together Shikanoin!
Knowing that he won’t get a response, Kazuha sighs again and smiles. “That was um, you know…You did that the other day to comfort me. I figured I could repay the favor today.”
Heizou fights himself to the best of his ability to get these next words out. “Thank…thank you Kazuha…” He says slowly. Then he smiles. “I’m feeling better already.”
“I’m glad. Well, goodbye then, my friend. I’ll see you next time.”
“Bye Kazuha.” Heizou waves as Kazuha walks away, heaving a heavy sigh and holding his cheek where his friend’s lips had just been. He’d give anything to feel it again.
The moment Kazuha steps onto the Alcor, Heizou isn’t fine anymore. The flowers bubble in his throat, ready to burst. The feeling makes Heizou unsteady on his feet. But he needs to…he needs to see Kazuha, until he disappears into the horizon. He wants to be selfish about this one thing. Heizou wants to breathe him in as much as he possibly can.
It’s difficult with watery eyes, tears threatening to spill at any moment due to the intense pressure in his chest. It’s the worst he’s felt by far, and Heizou knows he’s in for it. He ignores it however, watching the Alcor as it slowly begins to drift away, carrying his favorite person along with it.
To his surprise, Kazuha goes to the railing and looks at Heizou too, waving. Heizou waves back, breathing heavily.
He’s almost out of sight now…Heizou thinks in his disappointment as it passes by another ship in the docks. He takes one step to the side to get a better view and fumbles over his step.
A horrible mistake, his greed. Guilty.
Heizou stumbles to the ground and coughs violently. Petal after petal falls, some into the water, floating right towards the Alcor. He panics internally, hoping Kazuha has finally looked away, but when Heizou looks up — Kazuha is still staring right at him.
The panic in Kazuha’s eyes isn’t missed even from where Heizou is, on his hands and knees. His vision blurs, and distantly he hears another familiar voice calling for him behind him. But the detective can’t seem to notice anything past Kazuha leaping off of the ship.
“No, don’t…”
The words are weak, and so is he, and Heizou’s arms give out and his vision goes blank.
—
It is greed that has led Heizou here. It is his greed to be close to Kazuha whilst keeping his distance. His greed to keep things the same, keeping a dear friend at arm’s length. His greed to harbor obvious feelings for him, even though he shouldn’t.
The punishment for this guilt, Heizou thinks, are the thorny vines wrapping themselves around his heart. They dare anyone to touch them, keeping his emotions their captive. This entire time, Heizou had witnessed sakura bloom pour from him. He figures they are connected to him, in a way, due to distant ties to those in his family that have helped at the Grand Narukami Shrine.
What he didn’t realize, however, is that the garden within him was much more than that. There were flowers from all over Teyvat. From Mondstadt to Sumeru to Natlan and so forth…only a well seasoned traveler could have planted these.
Kazuha was there, too. Heizou knew he was dreaming.
Kazuha waters the flowers carefully. Heizou has always been fond of his careful touch and attentive nature. Even now. The imaginary Kazuha kneels down, tending to some lonesome dendrobium. The symbolism behind such a flower makes him want to shiver.
Then Kazuha stands, and faces him directly. Heizou expects his dream Kazuha to have a serene smile as it is what his mind would conjure. Instead, he looks upset, like the real Kazuha would be.
“What are you waiting for? Your stubbornness truly astounds me. I mustn’t have to scold you for your recklessness again. Mind you, you’re the one meant to scold me for it. Do you truly not understand how much I depend on you as well?”
Memories of all the moments in recent times where Kazuha would let his walls crack around Heizou, showing the vulnerable sides of himself that the detective had grown to love. It’s true, Kazuha wasn’t perfect by realistic standards.
It’s now that the dream Kazuha relaxes. “Your courage is one of the things I’ve always admired the most about you. Please don’t lose sight of it in front of me. ‘I refuse to die’ you say. Then do something about it, instead of rushing straight into your death.”
Heizou realizes now that in this dream, he cannot speak. So Kazuha continues for him. He steps forward, close to Heizou. He can’t help but remember how Kazuha had kissed him on the cheek before. Dreams tend to supply from memory, so—
Kazuha leans in close, and Heizou would imagine his own heart is hammering right now. Maybe Kazuha can hear it all the way from this garden in his heart. “Please follow your intuition, detective.”
And instead of kissing him like Heizou had anticipated, Kazuha shoves him by shoulders. Hard. Heizou stumbles and falls, catching a glimpse of Kazuha’s rare playful smirk that he loves so much. He must be a kitsune after all.
There isn’t much time to dwell on it, however, as when Heizou falls there is no ground to break his fall and he simply falls from his heart and out of the garden, maple leaves falling with him.
Heizou sits up with a sharp gasp, awake. The person sitting in a chair next to him, Kazuha, startles immediately. Heizou stutters, his throat still scratchy from earlier.
“Heizou…!” Kazuha says, wide-eyed. “Please, try to take it easy. You…”
Heizou takes in his surroundings. He’s in an infirmary that he distantly remembers visiting once in Ritou. He’d brought someone who’d been attacked by nobushi here and had stayed to make sure they were alright.
“Ugh…” He says, flopping back down. His head really hurt. “Good morning.”
Heizou gets a good look at Kazuha in all of his morning glory. He can tell just by looking at him that he’d been worried sick, and had likely slept in the chair next to Heizou this whole time. Er…however long it’s been. Even like this, he was so beautiful to Heizou. He just wanted to kiss him. More than anything.
Kazuha’s lips are in a firm line before he does something that Heizou never expected.
“I thought…you were gone, Heizou. I’m…” Kazuha clutches the side of the bedding, staring at him hard. Heizou sees determination and another feeling he doesn’t dare describe in Kazuha’s eyes as he suddenly stands and bends over to hover over Heizou.
“Wh-what are you—“
Kazuha grabs his face in his hands and smashes their lips together. It is reckless and full of emotion, just as Kazuha always is. It lacks his usual elegance though, as they both wince when their teeth collide. It takes Heizou a long moment to realize that Kazuha is kissing him — for real this time, too. His lips are soft on Heizou’s, lazily taking his time.
Heart feeling oddly relieved of pressure, Heizou manages to kiss him back, like he’s always wanted to. He brings a hand up to the back of Kazuha’s head, keeping him close. They have to occasionally come back up for air, but Kazuha covers Heizou’s mouth with his own again before either has a chance to speak. Heizou catches the faintest taste of fish and could laugh at how Kazuha that was, but he was a little preoccupied with the warmth stirring within his entire body.
Finally, Heizou needs air and grips Kazuha’s shoulders to beg him to ease his attacks. The ronin pulls away, slightly flushed.
“Heizou…I love you,” Kazuha says, not wasting a beat. Heizou cannot sense any deceit in his words, and it sends his heart skyrocketing. “That’s what I wanted to tell you before I boarded the Alcor. I wanted — needed you to know. And after whatever just happened, I needed to make sure that you know now.”
For so long, Heizou had hoped Kazuha wouldn’t ever say those words to him. He both craved them more than anything in the world, but was also terrified of the consequences it would have on Kazuha. He expected his world to shatter, to fall to pieces right then and there. To run away. Sorry, Kazuha, but it’s for the best. You know what they say about me. Being caught with a no good slacker is no good for you. He had every excuse rehearsed to perfection in his head.
But instead, Heizou must be courageous.
“Kazuha…I love you too. I’ve loved you for so long. I love you so much it—“ Heizou realizes that the constricting feeling in his chest has eased considerably. It still aches, as if a reminder of its mark. But it has eased nonetheless. It doesn’t hurt anymore. “Ah, ahem, it’s very uncool of me to confess like this in here, isn’t it? Can we do it again?”
“Nope. No redos.” Kazuha steps back and leans over to grab his sword, which evidently had fallen over, to lean it back on his chair.
“But you like poetic things, right? I should take you on some fancy little walk, take you away with my brilliant charm and wit, and come with a speech all prepared.”
Kazuha taps a finger to his chin, feigning an impassive frown. “That doesn’t seem much like you, though. I like things that are natural.”
“What do you mean that doesn’t seem like me?” Heizou narrows his eyes.
“I’m saying that even if it could fool any other person, I know you all too well.” Kazuha says, looking at him.
Heizou could ascend in happiness. Everything felt so right like this. He couldn’t believe that he had been foolish enough to hold back for so long. He couldn’t believe his idiocy had brought him to the point of coughing up—
Wait a minute.
Heizou clutches his chest, eyes wide. There is nothing at all?! Yae Miko must’ve been right. Kazuha did return his feelings and it has eased the pain. But then why…did it ever occur in the first place?!
Worriedly, Kazuha’s voice pierces his thoughts. “Heizou? Are you alright? Does your chest still hurt…?”
“No…it doesn’t, actually.”
“For the record, that one time, I knew you were lying to me. But now…I sense the current difference as well.”
“Hm…” Oh. “Wait, Kazuha…what exactly did you see when you got to me after, uh, you know…”
Kazuha tilts his head. “Nothing. Lady Guuji had also been there and had immediately had everyone stand back. All I saw was you and…and some blood…”
“Nothing else?”
“Should there have been anything else?”
“Oh, I see you’re awake now. Let’s not get too carried away with speaking now. Your throat still needs some rest after the pain you’ve experienced.” Heizou shifts his gaze from Kazuha and meets Yae’s smug expression.
“Oh. Apologies.” Kazuha says, looking away.
“Now, now little one. I understand your excitement…but just for a moment, I need to speak to Doushin Shikanoin here in privacy.”
Kazuha nods politely and exits the room quickly.
“Well, what an interesting turn of events this was.” Yae stares down at him, seemingly satisfied. “It seems that I will be able to issue your owed favor after all. Remember to come up to the Grand Narukami Shrine once you’re feeling better. You see, we’re terribly understaffed right now.”
“Ahaha, yes, of course.”
“Now, I bet you’re also wondering how much your dear ronin knows. Do not fret, for I made it so he hadn’t seen a single petal minus the ones drifting in the water. It will be up to you whether or not to tell him the truth behind your illness.”
Heizou nods, listening carefully. “Does this mean I’m alright now? He — he said he loves me, and the feeling has left my chest, so…”
“It does. It has always had a way of working around lies, so if it hadn’t been true you’d still be coughing up flowers now.”
Heizou sighs, relieved. He feels strength and clarity slowly finding its way back to him. “I just don’t understand…if he had really liked me this whole time, and I was just avoiding it, then why…did it even occur in the first place?”
“I believe you might have tricked your mind into believing that the feelings were unrequited. I’d only seen an instance like this one other time. It’s, well, quite surprising to see it happen again. Your longing and helplessness had been so strong that your poor heart responded in kind.”
Studying Yae’s face, Heizou begins to understand just how closely acquainted she is with this disease. The look in her eyes threatens him to not say a word, and so he doesn’t.
“Well this whole experience sucks. I hope I never have to encounter it again.” Heizou’s brow furrows. “Oh, and what of the flowers in my lungs? They don’t just magically disappear, do they?”
“No. You still have a bit of recovery time left in you. That’s why I think you should speak the truth before your heart speaks it for you in a far more inconvenient way. It is rather humiliating when that happens…fufu.”
“I will. Keeping a secret from Kazuha is futile anyways. I suspect he’s been onto me since it all started. And I hate liars.”
“Right. Well, anyways, if you’ve no further questions then I should be on my way. As I said, the Grand Narukami Shrine is currently understaffed and I am needed to make sure things stay smooth. I thought it wouldn’t hurt to check on your condition. You’ve just gone through quite the experience, I understand. Mm. Goodbye then — remember. As soon as you feel better.”
Yae turns and steps out, and Heizou hears someone call for Kazuha. He sits up and swings his legs over the side of his bed to wait for him.
Kazuha enters the room again, stretching his limbs. It reminds Heizou of how he’d apparently been spending all his time at Heizou’s bedside. But, wait, that means…
“Oh, Kazuha…” Heizou looks away, guilt overtaking him. “You missed your trip on the Alcor because of me. I’m sorry.”
He hears a chuckle. “I haven’t missed anything. They anchored again immediately. Not to mention, the wind practically threw me off of that ship and into your direction.”
A finger lifts Heizou’s chin and forces him to look up at Kazuha.
“This isn’t like you. Don’t feel guilty at my expense. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions, mind you. You act like I wouldn’t raise my blade to fight for my freedom to do as I wish, when I would. I’m selfish like that.”
Heizou stares up, a little in awe at the view that is Kaedehara Kazuha — and his confidence comes back to him in a smirk. He swiftly grabs his ronin’s wrist and leaves kisses atop his hand, simply because he likes Kazuha and because he can.
“And what does this selfish vigilante in front of me want now?”
Kazuha frees his hand from Heizou’s grip and sits next to Heizou. Kazuha brushes their shoulders together and leans in close.
“Why not try using that intuition of yours, detective?” Kazuha kisses him, again, holding him close. The last thing Heizou notices before closing his eyes and melting into it is the fluttering of maple leaves outside the window.
—
It takes about a day or so of anxiously planning out how to tell Kazuha about the strange experience Heizou had with the hanahaki disease. He hadn’t wanted Kazuha to feel bad by going into too much detail of his overthinking mind, and gave him a simple rundown on how it works. Kazuha understood, because of course he would, and had reassured him that for all of the time to come — they would always have each other.
“You know, this does remind me…” Kazuha says, getting ready to board the Alcor again. “You said the flowers blooming inside of you were sakura blooms, yes?”
Heizou nods. “Yeah. And they were pretty and all, I thought you’d like them.”
“I had written that poem from when I’d pulled some out from your hair at the shrine that one day. Though, after your experiences, I’m not sure if you’d enjoy it now. Perhaps I should discard this one.”
“Oh? You wrote it down? Let me see, let me see.”
Kazuha’s cheeks turn pink, and he grabs a small piece of paper from his scarf. “How about you read it once I am aboard the ship? It isn’t my finest work, anyways…”
“Nonsense. You sell yourself short,” Heizou argues. “But alright. I’ll wait.”
They say their goodbyes, and Heizou watches Kazuha go as he always does.
Saying goodbye is always the hardest part, but it’s easier knowing that no matter the distance — they have each other.
As soon as Kazuha disappears from the horizon on the ship, Heizou opens the slip of paper.
fresh blossom of spring
descending where our hearts blend
i'll always come back to you