Chapter Text
I don't care if monday's blue
Life had not been kind to Erik, he was aware of it since a very young age.
At first, he didn't notice, he was young, too innocent and the other children too manipulable by their parents. So he grew up being surly with most people, so closed off that he wouldn't let anyone, no matter how nice they seemed, get close to him, always so aggressive, so hurt, so bitter.
Of course, his problems were childish compared to what was happening in the world, because it is always like that, insignificant in the set of bigger things that exist lurking in the darkness. The world keeps turning without stopping, not for him or anyone else. Poor, naive Erik did not realize this until it was too late. Precisely the moment he stood in front of the gates of the damned concentration camps, which he didn't know what they were until he set foot inside, until he was separated from his mother and the fear drove him to unleash all that pain against the bars of that prison.
That day he learned that he could be an innocent child who shouldn't be suffering from all that abuse, that no one should ever have to suffer it, but he would not be helpless.
It was on a Monday when the soldiers lifted him off the ground and forced him to walk inside what would be his hell for many years to come. It was on a Monday the first time he walked into Shaw's office and was forced to flip a coin with his mind. A Monday when his mother was shot, and it was that same day that he destroyed the office, dooming himself to be everyone's favourite experiment in the place and also, it was the first time he murdered someone.
Erik was too busy with his anger and sadness to feel powerful, they took it upon themselves to keep it that way until he escaped.
Mondays were Shaw's favourite days to call him into his office and ask for simple things at the start. Move the bell, the keys, open the drawer. Simple, it almost felt as natural as breathing. If he did it right, sometimes he'd get a double dinner at night and the other kids would look at him with envy for it.
Then, when Shaw became convinced that he could do more than that, that they should know how it was that Erik worked and began experimenting with unorthodox methods, there was no more hot dinner at night, many times he didn't even believe he could eat it anyway. One Monday in January, when the snow was still falling outside the office, painting the whole field white and blue, he wasn't asked to move simple things with his curse. Shaw told him to sit in the chair, and though Erik didn't want to, he wouldn't be able to do anything to the man in front of him. He was powerful, untouchable. That day he felt so much pain that to this day Erik does not know if it was physical or mental, but what he does know is that he screamed, begged, whimpered and resisted as much as he could. There was nothing he could do, at least from there, he knows he felt a pain equal or similar to the one he felt in his heart the day her mother was taken from him, the day his freedom was deprived. Erik never knew what the purpose was, he only knew that things around him moved frantically and that Sebastian's smile looking around proudly was painful. Perhaps if he wasn't so engrossed in his own suffering, he would have noticed the crumpled aluminium-covered walls, the tools flying everywhere, and the way the scientist who had him strapped down moved things in a machine to control him, but how was he supposed to know?
It was a Monday the day Shaw took away his innocence. He wasn't as small and as young to forget it, to bury it down in his memory's and pretend it never happened. Not even that favour was granted. He was old enough to remember it and of course it had been traumatic enough that Erik would carry that weight on his shoulders forever. It was there the first time he kissed a boy before the soldiers whipped them in front of everyone in the common area, when he followed that girl into the forest so they wouldn't get caught, and eventually when he woke up next to bright blue eyes every morning. He was there, every moment after that, tracking his body with his filthy fingers, on every scream for help that no one heard and he was there when he stood there so no children would ever suffer the same again. Shaw ruined him for anyone else, or at least that's what he thought.
Shaw was a busy man who, although no longer actively torturing him, was always ever present in some way "Shaw said we should try..." "Shaw thinks..." "Shaw wants to..." and Erik was fed up.
But on Mondays he was always in the field, and he would call him to his office. Shaw would ask him to take off his clothes to let him run his hands up and down his skin, leaving a trail impossible to erase, wounds in his soul that next to the marks of teeth's on his skin, and although he asked for clemency it was never granted.
Well, all that didn't matter now that there was nothing and no one who could stop him. Just as no one could stop Shaw, and just as no one showed mercy to him, neither would he.
Tuesday's grey and wednesday too
Erik was good at his job.
Killing without remorse had become just that, a job for him. It didn't make the terrifying memories, burned with fire in his memory, go away, although it helped to lessen the pain in his chest every time he was able to kill one of those bastards who caused him and hundreds of others so much suffering. He liked to remind himself that by eliminating them, he was doing good to everyone.
He was in beautiful Argentina and could not concentrate on the paradisaic scenery. Erik doubted he would ever be able to do it again, and although he knew how to appreciate their charm, he simply did not feel worthy of such a gift as seeing the beauty of simple things.
He had to focus. Get in, order something to drink, kill them, and get out of there.
The first day he tried, he got nowhere. Too many people, too many drunks, too much noise. He wasn't good at concentrating or keeping a low profile.
"Something to drink, handsome?" asked a waitress with a mischievous wink, and perhaps on another occasion he would have accepted, but he had to focus and trust no one. He simply shook his head and left the establishment.
Erik went back to his hotel to watch the gray clouds swirling in the sky and to think about his next step once he got what he wanted.
The next day he did it. He finished off the tailor and the farmer, unfortunately the barista as well. Collateral damage, it wasn't his fault. Now he had everything he needed to accomplish his goal. To take out Sebastian Shaw.
Thursday, I don't care about you
Erik decided to sleep, wounded after his failed attempt to finish off Sebastian and his crew, tired from the effort it took to swim there, the mental exhaustion that took him to the point of migraines that still wouldn't go away with medication.
He would try later, that was for sure. Erik couldn't just stop after all the effort he had made to get to the glorious moment to finish him off, to take revenge, to spill his blood and be able to stand over his corpse and proclaim his freedom as he had dreamed of since he was a child. He longed for it, though more than that, he needed it.
Erik didn't want to stress himself out when he still didn't have much information, and his aching body would perhaps thank him the next day for giving it the necessary rest for once. It didn't matter, he just wanted to get rid of that cancer in the world that was Shaw and maybe, this way, finally chase away the nightmares.
He slept and dreamed of a better world where men like Shaw didn't exist, unaware that somewhere out there were CIA agents and a team of mutants who were dreaming about the same thing.
It's friday, I'm in love
Erik is sure he meets love on a Friday.
It's a Friday when he's drowning in the loneliness of the sea, knowing that he's dying for something worthwhile, that it will give him peace as soon as it's all over and he's okay with that. He'd rather not drown, obviously, but plans don't always go the way you want them to.
The air escapes from his lungs, he can't resist, the strength he is exerting with all his being is not enough to sink the submarine, but he knows he needs to do it. Erik can't leave the death of his mother and thousands of others like this. He needs to do it, and he believes, for a second, that he is succeeding.
Just a little longer.
The memory of his mother seems so vivid at that moment, the pain he witnessed in the concentration camp, of all the times Shaw called him into his office, of all the visits to the lab. All of that was dragging Erik down to the bottom of the ocean and he would take that giant submarine with him. All that desire for revenge, all the anger, all the spite was helping him like the chains around the ship, and he was the one in control, not a frightened, easily manipulated child, not any more.
"You must let it go!" came from somewhere far away. It didn't matter, if he concentrated hard enough he would make it, so he dove deeper if that was even possible.
"You can't. You'll drown. You have to let go. I know what this means to you, but you're going to die" arms wrapped around his back and he couldn't help but stir between them. Scared and hearing every word as clear as if they were being whispered in his ear, but that would be impossible in the water, so he fought whatever was holding him back harder "please, Erik" something was trying to bring him to the surface and kept talking, his voice sounded so calm and pained as if it was making him feel that way himself. He didn't like the way he sounded in pain. "Calm your mind" the words echoed inside his brain, trying to make some sense of them.
Calm your mind, calm your mind, calm down and swim.
Before he would have thought, they were both on the surface gasping for air.
"Let go of me" Erik scrambled into the man's arms, who did as he asked without saying much more, although he didn't let go completely, his warm hand was still on his arm in case something happened, as if he was afraid he would go underwater again, so he shook him off with a slap "let me go"
"Breathe" he said again. Erik was trying to calm himself down, but it was obvious that it would not be an easy task, he had been about to die and there was not supposed to be anyone else there.
"Who are you?" his voice sounded raspy, probably from the water he had accidentally swallowed while trying to calm his fast beating heart. Still adjusting to the air and the fact that Shaw had escaped again.
"My name is Charles Xavier" the stranger said still a little agitated, almost shouting with that English accent that sounded almost fake.
"You were in my head" Erik was still confused, and couldn't afford to think straight. He should reach the submarine before it got too far away and he was wasting his time with this man in the middle of the sea "how did you do it?"
"You have your tricks, I have mine. I'm just like you" the stranger said with that calm tone once again, as if he was talking to a frightened animal and Erik didn't like that. This Charles guy winced as if he knew all that, as all the anger he still had inside vibrated in his fingertips, dying to come out, "just calm your mind"
"I thought I was alone"
"You're not alone" and he smiled, as warm as a home should feel, and he was sure that had paralysed him, for he didn't think he could move even if he wanted to "Erik, you're not alone"
Oh gott, Charles Xavier had to be the most beautiful man he'd ever seen. With the most impossibly blue eyes that could possibly exist, the brightest smile and the calmest voice he'd ever had the pleasure of hearing. An exquisite creature in every way, with an unparalleled gift and the features of an angel or something that was definitely similar. Charles chuckled softly and his cheeks flushed just a little, enough for Erik to promise himself that he would make that happen again.
"Come on, dear, we'll freeze here" Xavier held out his hand and almost as if under a spell, he took it. He was not alone "you will never be alone again" Charles said aloud, barely giving him a glance over his shoulder that left him speechless.
Erik was sure of two things, it was Friday and he was in love.