Chapter Text
Zara sat at her bedroom console, staring at the floor of her quarters on the USS Enterprise. The buzzing of the ship was a backdrop that helped to ground her. With her bedroom door shut, Zara had hoped for a moment of peace from the secret raging storm she had been weathering these past few months. Just outside of her room, in the living room area, Zara’s mother, Counselor Deanna Troi and Chief Medical Officer Beverly Crusher were in the midst of a conversation.
"Zara is so difficult. She disagrees with me on everything and she won’t open up to me," Deanna said, her voice full of frustration and sadness.
Zara’s was devastated when she heard her mother’s confession. She felt her stomach churn and her chest tighten.
"I know Zara is a good person” Deanna continued, “but she’s becoming too much for me to handle. I just can’t with her anymore. She's blocking me out and I'm scared" Deanna said in an exasperated tone.
Beverly's voice followed; the voice of reason in this conversation."Deanna, Zara’s fifteen. She's at a difficult age. Perhaps there's something deeper going on that she's not sharing with you."
Zara felt beads of tears form in her eyes. She tried so hard to be the daughter her mother wanted her to be, but the secret she carried was tearing her apart. Zara had been relentlessly bullied online for months, across numerous social media platforms. She was the target of a barrage of cruel messages and hateful comments. Not only that, but people created fake profiles of Zara, intent on ruining her reputation and running her off the internet. The anguish of keeping it all to herself made Zara lash out at times and she knew her behavior was hurting those she cared about, especially her mother. But she couldn’t stop the anger and frustration from overflowing and she certainly couldn’t worry Deanna with this. After all, Deanna had actual problems to contend with, not just some internet drama. Zara wanted to be strong like Deanna and handle this all on her own, but she felt so alone and so broken.
Back in the living room, Beverly asked Deanna, “Have you tried just sitting down with Zara? No talking; no judgements. Just listening. Let Zara know this is a safe space and that she can come to you with anything."
Deanna sighed. "I’ve tried that, Beverly. But Zara shuts me out every single time."
"Well, then, maybe then just give her some space and let her know you're there for her whenever she's ready to open up" Beverly suggested.
"I’ll try," Deanna responded softly. “Thank you, Beverly.”
Zara now felt conflicted. On the one hand, Zara desperately yearned for Deanna to just hold her like a child while she cried and to tell her that everything would be alright. On the other hand, Zara didn’t want Deanna to think any less of her, to view her as being weak because she wasn’t strong enough to handle this. Zara didn’t know what to do. So she just stayed in her room, quiet and withdrawn, hoping that one day this storm would end.
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The following day, the tension between Zara and Deanna came to a head. It was over a trivial matter; Zara’s room being a complete mess. Deanna stood in the doorway of Zara’s bedroom, her voice filled with exasperation.
"Zara, I have repeatedly asked you to clean this room! Why can’t you ever just listen to me and do as you’re told?”
Zara looked up from a slew of hateful messages on her PADD and replied angrily, "Because I have other things that I’m dealing with mom! I don’t exactly have time to clean my room right now.”
"Other things? Like what, Zara?" Deanna spat as she angrily strode into Zara’s room. "What are you doing that’s so important? Going on social media again?"
Zara’s quickly closed all of the windows on her PADD before putting it aside. She angrily stood up, fists clenched and a scowl on her face. "You wouldn’t understand” Zara snapped. "You’re too busy helping everyone else to even care to notice what’s been happening with your own flesh and blood!"
Deanna's eyes narrowed and her face turned red. "How dare you say that! I care about you more than anything in the universe, Zara! But you’re shutting me out and, frankly, you’re being very disrespectful right now."
"There’s no point in trying to talk to you," Zara retorted. "Every time I try, you just get angry or disappointed with me."
"Maybe if you actually talked to me and told me what’s wrong, I would understand and be able to help you. Instead, you either fight with me or push me away!" Deanna said, her voice rapidly rising in volume. “I’m tired, Zara. I can’t keep doing this with you.”
Zara felt the familiar beads of tears starting to form in her eyes. She couldn’t tell her mother the truth. Not like this. "Just leave me alone, okay? I don't want to talk to you!" Zara snapped before collapsing onto her bed and covering her head with a pillow.
Deanna felt angry and hurt as she watched her daughter shut down once again. "Fine, Zara. If that’s what you want, I’ll leave" she said, her voice breaking slightly. "But don’t think this conversation is over."
Deanna stood there for a moment, unsaid words hanging between them in the ever growing chasm. Finally, with an audible sigh, Deanna left the room, slamming the door shut behind her.
As soon as the door closed, Zara let her tears flow freely. She felt emotionally drained and more alone than ever. Zara wanted to shout the truth for all to hear, but all she could do was cry into her pillow, the weight of her secret growing heavier with each passing minute. The heaviness in her chest felt so crushing she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep holding everything together. She didn’t want to die — she just desperately wanted the pain to stop.
Zara knew her mother was hurting too, but she couldn’t find the right words to say. Zara wasn’t sure Deanna would even be willing to listen to her now. Their argument had only driven them further apart and the pain of that realization cut Zara deep.